We have had a few queries specifically asking for ways to handle difficult and challenging people. This is an age old dilemma and simply keeping our reactions under the lid does not create sustainable solutions.
While dealing with difficult people, if we become irritated, antsy, stressed, angry, or frustrated, we succumb to the challenge and miss the opportunity to learn. Think of your interaction with difficult people as a practice session in becoming a pro. If it wasn’t for the challenging situations, , there would be nothing to learn… In my experience, challenging people have taught me the most about myself and my reactions…

There are many techniques and tools one can use for a short term understanding and awareness into reactions; however, eventually we would want to be able to walk on the tight rope without safety ropes attached and a safety net at the bottom… yes, we would want to dance and perform on the rope without fears and doubts of falling…

Preparing to perform requires practice… Practice begins with using safety ropes till we become proficient. Instead of reacting to the mental disturbance, practice watching the disturbance as ripples in the deep silent lake.

Following is a four step action…
Look at disturbance as an opportunity to discover what is hidden behind your commotion. Only when the thief is caught red handed can you put her away… Similarly, without the inner disturbance, the discovery is impossible. Instead of resisting disturbance use it as a tool to recognize your resistance underneath the disturbance.

Create an alliance with close friends, partner or family. The objective for forming the alliance is to practice brutal honesty, openness and trust. Honesty cuts through nonsense the mind wants to buy into, openness helps embrace discomfort that comes from disturbances, and trust creates self love and acceptance. For instance when I complain to my friend about a difficult person, she has the permission to challenge me by asking a simple question… what stories am I buying into?

Increase the capacity for comfort in discomfort. Through the practice of observing and discovering from reactions, we begin to become comfortable with the discomfort. Remember the reaction is inside you not in the difficult person and thus the solution is also inside you not in the difficult person.
Remember the silent art of gratitude towards the difficult person for showing the locked up energy inside of you.

Once we gain wisdom from challenging interactions, we naturally become open to other’s point of view or find ways to present our own view in a format that will be received well. Thus creating sustainable solutions for all concerned. There is a gap between the person we are having a challenge with and our expectations of the way things should be. Freedom from the challenge lies in the gap and the practice is your path to slip into the gap…

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