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Bear Hunter In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some "religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...." ------------- **ON THE LIGHTER SIDE** Water Closet An English school teacher was looking for rooms in Switzerland. She called upon the local schoolmaster to help her find an apartment that would be suitable. Such rooms were found and she returned to London for her belongings. She remembered that she had not noticed a bathroom, or as she called it, "a water closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster and asked if there was a "W.C." in or near the apartment. The schoolmaster, not knowing the English expression, was puzzled by the 'W.C.", never dreaming that she was talking about a bathroom. He finally sought advice from the parish priest. They concluded that she must mean a Wayside Chapel. The lady received the following letter a few days later. Dear Madam: The W.C. is located 9 miles from the house, in the heart of a beautiful grove of trees. It will seat 150 people at one time, and is open on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Some people bring their lunch and make a day of it. On Thursdays there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are very good. The slightest sound can be heard by everyone. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband at the W C. We are now in the process of taking donations to purchase new plush seats. We feel that this is a long-felt need, as the present seats have holes in them. My wife, being rather delicate, hasn't been able to attend regularly. It has been six months since she last went. Naturally, it pains her not to be able to go more often. I will close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible, and will be happy to save you a seat either down front or near the door, as you prefer. (This is a story taken from "Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul" by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Aubery and Nancy Mitchell.) ----------------------- Responses give to science questions, apparently taken from the tests of fifth and sixth graders. The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. Someday, we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around up there these days. Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. I'm not sure how clouds are forms, but clouds know how to do it, and that's the important thing. Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. Rain is saved up in cloud banks. It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places. Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas. Momentum is something you give a person when they go away. A monsoon is a French gentleman. The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom. To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers. When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy. In some rocks, you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other. Thunder is a rich source of loudness. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. One of the main causes of dust is janitors. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an aviator. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom. Kevin Rayner Rochester MN http://oaktree.faithsite.com |
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| << December02, 2003 - Off-the-church-walls |
December10, 2003 - Off-the-church-walls >> |
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