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June03, 2005 - Off-the-church-walls >> |
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Memorial Day One Sunday morning, the preacher noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning preacher" replied the young man, focused on the plaque. "Preacher McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the preacher. Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, the 9:00 or the 10:30 service?" ----------------------------------------- These are from insurance forms in which drivers were asked to explain their disasters in the fewest words possible. --------------------------------------- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have. A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in abush with just his rear end showing. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him. The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him. When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met. One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator, leaped across the road to the other side, and jumped into the trunk of a tree. I had been driving for about 40 years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, casing me to have an accident. Have a great weekend! Kevin Rayner Rochester, MN "Remember, If you can laugh at it, you CAN live with it!" |
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