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| << January24, 2006 - Off-the-church-walls |
February04, 2006 - God has the bigger shovel >> |
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Taxi
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The
driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went on the
footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. ======== BUMPER STICKERS: * Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them. * Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. * Don't put a question mark where God put a period. * Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church. * Forbidden fruits create many jams. * God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. * God grades on the cross, not the curve. * God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!" * God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. * He who angers you, controls you! * If God is your Copilot - swap seats! * Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity. * Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty! * The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. * The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you. * We don't change the message, the message changes us. * You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. ------------------------------------
Highway
Madman
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his
cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the
radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on highway 280!"
Herman says, "I hate those infernal helicopter reports. I'm telling ya, there isn't just one madman, there are hundreds!" ========================= HUMOR A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it??™s my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." You think about it! :) OFF THE CHURCH WALLS ROUTINE NOTE - Please do not give me credit for this submission. It in-fact, may have come from you. If this is the case - Thank you. |
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February04, 2006 - God has the bigger shovel >> |
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