Abraham bought himself a fancy new computer.
He was showing it to Isaac one day. "Look at all the wonderful programs it has on it.
And look at all the neat things it can do..."
Isaac was impressed, but a little concerned...
"But dad, I don't think your computer has enough memory."
Abraham said "Don't worry son; the Lord will provide the RAM."

A young girl once confessed to her priest that she thought she was guilty of the sin of pride.
She said, "When I look in the mirror, I think I am beautiful."
The priest said, "That's not a sin, that's a mistake."

Some people say, "I go to church, so I am a Christian."
But that's like saying if you go to McDonald's you are a Quarter Pounder!

Church: "Come down Lord, in your mighty power.."
Zaaaap!! .. (a choir member falls)
Church: "Hold on, Lord.... not so fast !!!!"

"The Top 10 Things People Think About during worship"

10. The pot roast.
9. What does priest, rabbi or pastor wear under his robes?
8. Will the person behind me ever hit the right note?
7. 90 minutes till kickoff.
6. Did I turn off the curling iron?
5. The likelihood of the ceiling fan falling and hitting me on the head.
4. How many people have lost more hair than I have?
3. How would the hymn sound if Metallica played it?
2. Are there doughnuts at fellowship?
1. How many more verses?