http://subs.zinester.com/13783 Off the church walls is a clean humor source of things you might hear "off the church walls." en http://archives.zinester.com/13783/157872.html?rss=1 Hi guys,

Checkout our new feature of "Off-the-church-walls" podcasts at

http://off-the-church-walls.podomatic.com/

Kevin




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... ]]> 157872 Wed, 30 Apr 2008 08:58:08 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/13783/151486.html?rss=1 Real Men Barbecue

Barbecuing is the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man declares
he will BBQ the following chain of events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store and buys everything.

2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the
necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging
beside the grill.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

... ]]> 151486 Fri, 25 Jan 2008 04:23:01 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/144061.html?rss=1 Hi,

I have a new URL

http://www.hcoct.org

I hope to get back to posting things soon.

Thanks!

Kevin




... ]]> 144061 Sun, 21 Oct 2007 01:45:56 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/13783/138849.html?rss=1 For the latest in humor, check out my blog at

http://off-the-church-walls.blogspot.com/

Thanks!

Kevin Rayner








... ]]> 138849 Mon, 20 Aug 2007 22:27:52 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/13783/127958.html?rss=1 Scripture: Matthew 6:24  "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one
and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot
serve both God and money.  NLT

In America the average length of time for a dollar bill of any denomination is
determined by the amount on the face of the bill.

A $1 bill lasts about 22 months --- less than two years
A $5 bill lasts about 24 months --- two years
A $10 bill lasts about 36 months --- three years
A $20 bill lasts about 48 months --- four years
A $50 bill lasts about 108 months --- nine years
A $100 bill lasts about 108 months --- nine years

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the
... ]]> 127958 Wed, 18 Apr 2007 06:51:18 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/13783/126850.html?rss=1 A woman walked into her house to find her husband stalking around with a fly
swatter.

"What are you doing?"  she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh, killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.  "How can you tell?"

He responded, "Three were on the TV remote, 2 were on the phone."

... ]]> 126850 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:27:21 MSD http://archives.zinester.com/13783/125451.html?rss=1 Thought you might want to see the 2006 Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest
Winner Is......

http://www.cheap-chic-weddings.com/wedding-contest-2006.html

Kevin Rayner
Highland Church of Christ
Tecumseh, OK
http://home.windstream.net/highlandcoc






... ]]> 125451 Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:00:15 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/125180.html?rss=1 A Texan rancher was driving thru the Nebraska countryside when he stopped by a
cornfield to talk to a farmer. During the conversation the farmer mentioned
that he had a thousand acres of land. The Texan, seeing an opportunity to brag
about his ranch, said, "When I get up in the morning, I can hop into my pick-up
and drive all day and by sunset , still not be half way across my ranch."  The
farmer leaned over and consoled the Texan saying,  " I use to have a pick-up
like that too. "

http://raynerresources.blogspot.com/






... ]]> 125180 Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:47:13 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/125179.html?rss=1 A Texan rancher was driving thru the Nebraska countryside when he stopped by a
cornfield to talk to a farmer. During the conversation the farmer mentioned
that he had a thousand acres of land. The Texan, seeing an opportunity to brag
about his ranch, said, "When I get up in the morning, I can hop into my pick-up
and drive all day and by sunset , still not be half way across my ranch."  The
farmer leaned over and consoled the Texan saying,  " I use to have a pick-up
like that too. "


http://raynerresources.blogspot.com/





... ]]> 125179 Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:47:13 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/123241.html?rss=1 Wise Thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.  Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2.  Memorize your favorite poem.
3.  Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4.  Don't spend all you have.
5.  Don't sleep all you want.
6.  Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7.  When you say, "I love you", mean it.
8.  Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9.  Believe in love at first sight.
10.  When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
11.  Don't judge people by their relatives.
12.  In disagreements, fight fairly No name-calling.
13.  Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to
... ]]> 123241 Wed, 28 Feb 2007 03:38:12 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/123024.html?rss=1 Take time to laugh - it is the music of the soul.

-- From an old English prayer.












... ]]> 123024 Mon, 26 Feb 2007 07:22:16 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/122238.html?rss=1 Wow, watch this 3 minute CNN clip... It is Amazing! To have this type of
unquestionable faith and connection to God and be able to express it in  her
art, is the ultimate level of awareness one could ever hope for. You ought to
watch and listen to this young girl.

http://tinyurl.com/yxewot









... ]]> 122238 Sat, 17 Feb 2007 06:43:13 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/121842.html?rss=1 A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his  message across
to his congregation. "It's so beautiful here in the  winter," he said, "that
heaven doesn't interest them.  And it's so  hot here in the summer that hell
doesn't scare them."











... ]]> 121842 Tue, 13 Feb 2007 06:58:32 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/121503.html?rss=1 The Polynesian King

So there was this Polynesian island king who had very loving and loyal
subjects. Each year his subjects gave him a new throne for his birthday. And
each year he stored the last year s throne up in the rafters of his palatial
grass hut.

As the king got on in years, the thrones started becoming too numerous and too
heavy for the king s grass hut palace. The king s minister of architecture
advised him that he should stop saving these old thrones. After all, what did
he need so many old thrones for? The king would answer,  Yes, I know... but I
hate to throw away the gifts of my loyal subjects.  So he kept stowing them
away, year after year.

One day as the king was holding court in his grass hut, he heard a rafter
... ]]> 121503 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:41:12 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/121290.html?rss=1 Christian One Liners
from Tiffany

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a
basket case.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their
pews.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

... ]]> 121290 Fri, 09 Feb 2007 14:09:10 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/120707.html?rss=1 ** Church Bulletin Bloopers **

** Volunteers are needed to spit up food at the food bank.

** Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess nominations will be accepted at the next
business meeting.

** There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week.

** Child care provided with reservations.

** Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.

** I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me
drink.
... ]]> 120707 Thu, 01 Feb 2007 00:24:39 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/119514.html?rss=1 10 Little Christians!!!

Ten Little Christians came to church all the time.
one fell out with the preacher, then there were nine.

Nine Little Christians stayed up late, one overslept on Sunday, then there were
eight.

Eight Little Christians on their way to heaven, one took the low road, then
there were seven.

Seven Little Christians, chirping like chicks, One didn't like the singing,
then there were six..

Six Little Christians seemed very much alive, one took a vacation, then there
... ]]> 119514 Sat, 20 Jan 2007 05:48:04 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/117875.html?rss=1 PERPETUAL NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

Let this coming year be better than all the others.  Vow to do some of the
things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time.

Call up a forgotten friend.  Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some
pleasant memories.  Share a funny story with someone whose sprits are
dragging.  A good laugh can be very good medicine.

Vow not to make a promise you don't think you can keep.  Pay a debt.  Give a
soft answer.  Free yourself of envy and malice.  Encourage some youth to do his
or her best.  Share your experience, and offer support. Young people need role
models.

Make a genuine effort to stay in closer touch with family and good friends.
... ]]> 117875 Thu, 04 Jan 2007 01:26:07 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/116851.html?rss=1 1 CORINTHIANS 13
A CHRISTMAS VERSION

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights
and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another
decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing
gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not
show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I
have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a
... ]]> 116851 Thu, 21 Dec 2006 01:37:15 MSK http://archives.zinester.com/13783/114690.html?rss=1 This is hard and yes there really is a C, a 6, and an N, and I found them, and
now I am sending them to you.  Get your eyes a lookin' and tell me what's
cookin'.

 Can you find the C? (Good exercise for the eyes and a teaser for the brain!)


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

... ]]> 114690 Wed, 29 Nov 2006 23:54:08 MSK