|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
TGIF
FRIDAY JULY 21,2006
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Be as kind as you can today;
tomorrow you may not be
here.
"Doctor, doctor! I need glasses!"
"You certainly do, ma'am. This is a barber shop."
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What does "Bones" McCoy say
before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier......"
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A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: Here lies John
Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.
How about that!???he exclaimed. They've got three
people buried in one grave.
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Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just declare darkness the standard
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A
young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the
bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was
wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon
as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never
heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me
and take me home.... Please Mum!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what
could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the
daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were
words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"
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A new arrival in Hell was
brought before the devil.
The devil told his demon to put the man to work on
a rock pile with a
20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95%
humidity.
At the end of the day, the devil went to see how
the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The
man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his
beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120
degrees, with 100% humidity.
At the end of the next day, the devil again checked
on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man
explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in
the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.
At that, the devil told his demon to lower the
temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.
At the end of the next day, the devil was confident
that he would find the man miserable. But, instead the man was singing louder
than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton.
When the devil asked him why he was so happy, the
man answered, "Cold day in hell - the Eagles must have won the Super Bowl!"
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A lawyer lies dying, his
partner of 40 years by his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with
your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of
that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack,
"and don't think another thing about it. I'm the
one who put arsenic in your martini."
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Every year, English
teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual
analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the
amusement of teachers across the country.
Here are last year's winners....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that
had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.
Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like
that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The
whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just
like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood
with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind
like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law
Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind
you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and
extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers
chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he
thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
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One evening a man drove his secretary home after
she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this
was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to
get jealous easily.
Later that night the man and his wife were driving
to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half
hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited
until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and
tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the
restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around
in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
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A blonde wakes up in
the morning to a huge rumble in her tummy. She walks down stairs into the
pantry. She has a choice of Trix, Lucky Charms, Raisin Bran, or Cheerio's. So
she takes out the Cheerio's and pours out a bowl of them. She says " OH Wow!
doughnut seeds!"
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The bank robbers
arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors,
the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor,
behind the counter.
One nervous blonde pulled off her clothes and lay
down on the floor facing upwards. "Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying
beside her. "This is a stick-up, not an office party!"
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A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you
grandpa? he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These
young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a
cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a
light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by
this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge."What are you people doing,"
he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely
that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10
o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully
well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out
of bed."
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Fred - The Ole
Fritzbear
Jim was a just out of boot
camp, and was on his first
ship. About two hours
out of port, he began to get a
bit ill from the motion of
the ship. He approached
an ensign, also just out of
training and on his first
cruise. He saluted and
said, "Excuse me sir, I am
feeling seasick, and I
wondered if I may have permis-
sion to go downstairs to
the dispensary."
The ensign returned his salute and
replied, "Sailor,
you are in the Navy now. You
don't go downstairs,
you go below! There is no
dispensary on this ship,
there is sickbay. Not only
that, that is not the
floor, it is a deck, that is not
the ceiling, it is
the overhead, that is not a pillar, it
is a stanchion,
that is not a water fountain, it is a
scuttlebutt.
If I ever hear you using civilian words
instead of
Naval jargon, I till throw you out of that
little
round window over
there."
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It was
Mickey's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates
were in their
cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable
with his meager
surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the
front of his cell, Mickey
heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell
block erupted into
laughter!
Another voice called "16" and again there was
laughter.
A third voice called "62" which was followed by laughter
throughout the
block.
Mickey didn't know what was going on so he
rapped on his cell wall.
"Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from
next door. "What's
going on, here?" asked Mickey.
"Well," said the
other inmate, "down in the prison library there's only
one joke book. We've
all read the book so many times that we don't
waste time telling the joke, we
just call out it's number."
So the next day Mickey went down to the
library and, sure enough, found
the yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it
from cover to cover.
That night, wanting to be part of the group, Mickey
confidently called
out "44" and everyone laughed! He tried calling "16" and
"62" and again
there were peals of laughter. Then he called 57, and the halls
rang
with laughter.
After several minutes, one prisoner was still
rolling on the floor
laughing. More minutes - still laughing.
Mickey
rapped on the cell wall.
"Yeah, waddaya want?" asked the other
inmate.
"I don't understand it," asked Mickey, "Why is Tommy STILL
laughing?"
"Well," said the gruff inmate, "He'd never heard that one
before!"
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A
woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some
free
professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a
little boy
on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I'd have to know more about the
child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He's very
bright and quick-witted and
exceptionally advanced for his age," she said.
"He has good
coordination, expresses himself very well..."
"Oh, I
see," the psychologist said, "It's YOUR
child!"
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The
Boudreauxs are driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles
per hour.
Marie is behind the wheel.
Boudreaux suddenly looks across at her and
speaks in his clear cajun
voice. "Darlin'," he says. "I know we ben' married
for twenty years, but
I want a divorce."
Marie Says nothing, keeps
looking at the road ahead but slowly increases
her speed to 45
mph.
Boudreaux speaks again. "I doan want you to try to tok me out of
it," he
says, "'cause ah ben havin' anaffair wit you best friend, Tu-tutt,
an'
she's a far betta' lover den you are."
Again Marie stays quiet,
but grips the steering wheel more tightly and
slowly increases the speed to
55.
He pushes his luck. "I want duh house", he says
insistently.
Up to 60...
"I want duh car too," he
continues.
65 mph...
"An'," he says. "I'll have duh bank accounts,
all duh credit cards an'
duh boat."
The car slowly starts veering
towards a massive concrete bridge.
This make him a wee bit nervous, so he
asks her. "Isn't dere anyting'
you want?"
Marie at last replies -- in
a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I' got
everyting I need," she
says.
"Really?" he inquires with a smile, "so what you got?"
Just
before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, Marie turns to him and
smiles. "
Duh airbag!"
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A
woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of
peat
moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to
the
clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."
He
replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be
necessary."
"How come?" asked the woman.
"Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the
clerk.
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Like
most puppies, mine is not finicky about what he puts
in his
mouth. He Eats anything. But the day he swallowed
a quarter, I
panicked and called the vet.
"What should I do?" I pleaded
over the phone.
My extremely laid-back vet answered calmly,
"Swallowing a
quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does
it again
and a can of pop shoots out of his rear, give me a
call."
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One
night a police officer answered a call from a man who claimed he had been robbed
blind. When the officer made his way through the man's snow-packed lane, it
struck him as odd that he had to break his way through a virgin blanket of snow.
The man appeared from the house and said that someone had stolen some of the
furnace oil from his tank outside.
With flashlight in hand, the officer
trudged his way through more unbroken snow. Then he turned to the gentleman, who
was following behind, and said, "I don't see any signs of anyone being
around."
In disbelief, the man exclaimed: "Well, I don't know why you'd
say such a thing! Just look at the fresh tracks I'm following!"
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A young and
foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on
the aviation
frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a
field during the
nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to
the tower, he
said:
"Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and
replied: "Guess
where!"
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There
were two good ol' boys from the South,
who love to fish, and they wanted to
do some
ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada,
so they took off
up there. The lake was frozen
nicely. They stopped just before they got to
the
lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.
One of them said,
"We're gonna need an ice
pick." So they got that, and they took
off.
In about two hours, one of them was back at
the shop and said,
"We're gonna need another
dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the
shop wanted to ask
some questions, but he didn't. He sold him
the picks,
and the old boy left. In about an
hour, he was back. Said, "We're
gonna
need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand
it any longer.
"By the way," he asked, "how are you
fellows
doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even
got
the boat in the water
yet."
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Every
week my son-in-law takes me grocery shopping, and before we leave the store, I
buy us a lottery ticket. On one occasion as I passed the ticket to him, I said,
"Jim, do you think we'll ever hit the jackpot?" "Sure we will, Mom," he replied.
"And when we do, we'll have our picture in the paper. My arm will be around you,
and the caption will read: 'My mother-in-law. She's won in a million.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As the mother of two
sons aged two and three, I was always in jeans. But one evening I put on a dress
to go out for dinner. When my sons saw me they looked amazed and danced around
in wonder. "Mommy, Mommy," they shouted excitedly, "you're a girl!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was playing with his daughter when the little one
said: "Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter."
"Quiet!" retorted the father. "Your mother is in the next
room!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde
student was writing a test when she walked up to the teacher
and said she was
having trouble. Her teacher asked her which question
she was having trouble
with. She replied"I can't understand the first
one. What do you mean "Put
your name in the right hand
corner"?
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**** Quickies ****
A science teacher asked one of his students to define the term
"natural selection." "That's easy," responded the student. "It means taking the
largest piece."
~
Sign seen in a meat market - Our Beef so tender we
wonder how the cow held together.
~
Watch out for children on the road.
They're terrible drivers.
~
My definition of a free society is a society
where it is safe to be unpopular.
~
The awful thing about getting old is
that you stay young inside.
~
Probate - In favor of fishing with worms.
~
Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around
encouraging young things to grow.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Natural asbestos linked to cancer
SACRAMENTO, -- A new UC-Davis study links natural asbestos
to the risk of a rare type of cancer, but says the overall
danger is somewhat minimal. Scientists studied the problem
in a statewide context -- how new housing developments
would
be affected by the occurrence of asbestos in the
wild, the Los
Angeles Times reported. Researchers found
the incidence of
mesothelioma -- a rare but deadly form of
cancer -- was elevated
in people who live near developments
where asbestos fibers could
be dug up. Residents of El
Dorado Hills -- a high-rent,
developing community east of
Sacramento -- have sharply argued
the possibility of the
danger. California is home to many areas
of asbestos
deposits. Although researchers say mesothelioma is
found
in 1 of 100,000 people annually, the risk for those
living
near asbestos deposits is double that of a person
living
40 miles away, researchers
found.
Some drugs should be
available free
ANN ARBOR, Mich., -- A University of
Michigan study sug-
gests some medicines should be available
free of cost to
people over age 65 who have diabetes.
Specifically, re-
searchers found a group of medicines called
ACE inhibitors
should be available at no cost to the 8 million
Americans
over age 65 who have diabetes. The scientists said
those
drugs are so beneficial, even giving them away would
save
society large amounts of money by preventing heart
attacks,
strokes and kidney failure. Although Medicare soon
will
begin partially covering prescription costs, seniors
will
still be responsible for premiums, deductibles and
co-pays
-- and the researchers say even small out-of-pocket
costs
keep many people from taking drugs. Lead author
Dr.
Allison Rosen wrote, "Patients' out-of-pocket costs
such
as co-pays are a blunt instrument designed to keep
patients
from over-using medications, but they create barriers
to
the use of essential and non-essential medications
alike."
The same, she said, may apply to other drugs that
have
major preventive benefits. The findings appear in
the
journal Annals of Internal
Medicine.
VITAMIN E MAY HELP RESTORE HEARING
Israeli scientists say early study results show vitamin E
may restore sudden onset hearing loss of unknown origin or
idiopathic sudden hearing loss. The findings, presented at
the American Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck
Surgery
Foundation annual meeting, suggest further research
may reveal
the role of antioxidants in the prevention and
restoration of
hearing loss. Each year, some 4,000 Americans
report the onset
of sudden hearing loss. Causes can include
infectious diseases,
circulatory disorders, traumatic
injuries and immunologic,
toxic, metabolic and neurological
sources. However, the cause of
SHL can only be identified
in 10 percent to 15 percent of
patients, the remainder of
cases, which have no obvious cause,
are termed idiopathic
sudden hearing loss. About two-thirds of
these patients
recover without treatment within
days.
**** Reader's Submissions
****
"Appreciate What You Have"
One
day . . . a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to
the country, so he could have his son see how poor country
people live.
They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble
farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were
back home, the father asked his son, "What did you think
of the trip?"
The son replied, "Very nice dad."
Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor
they were?"
The son replied, "Yes."
The father continued asking, "What did you learn?"
The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our
house, and they have four.
Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a
stream that has no end.
And we have imported lamps in our garden where they
have the stars!
And our garden goes to the edge of our property.
But they have the entire horizon as their back
yard!"
At the end of the son's reply the father was
speechless.
His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how
poor we really are."
Isn't it true that all depends on the lens you use to see
life?
One can ask himself what would happen if we give thanks
for what we have instead of always asking for
more.
Learn to appreciate what you have. Wealth is all in one's
point of
view.
SHIRLEY
**** ON THIS DAY
****
**** HEADS
UP FOLKS ****
These Are My
Causes Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS
****
|
Sadler, Yates to part ways |
|
Two-time winner in No. 38 car just 20th in Nextel Cup
standings. |
|
|
|
|
|
Repeat trip hits Pocono |
|
NASCAR team reports as Cup tour heads back to
mountaintop. |
|
|
|
|
|
NASCAR report |
|
Notes: Montoya's trek to stock car racing hits
contractual snag. |
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**** COUNTRY
CALENDAR ****
-21-
Ken Maynard, Singing cowboy, born Vevay, IN 1895. The
studio press said Ken was born in
Mission, Texas, however that was not true.
Sara Carter born Flat Woods, VA 1898. Sara and the other
Original members of the Carter Family were inducted into The Country Music Hall
Of Fame in 1970.
Eddie Hill born Delano, TN 1921.
Margaret Whiting born 1924.
Junior Husky, "first team" session bassist, born Knoxville, TN
1928.
Bobby Hicks born 1933.
Lefty Frizzell joined the Grand Ole Opry 1951.
Wanda Jackson released "I Gotta Know," 1956.
Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line," became his first #1 record
1956.
Sidney Lawrence Cox, "Cox Family," born Homer, LA 1965.
Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Tall Dark Stranger"
1969.
Paul Brandt born "Paul Renee Belobersycky, in Calgary, Alberta,
Canada 1972.
Jeanne Pruett joined the Grand Ole Opry 1973. Pruett was
the last person to become a member of the Opry, on the stage of the Ryman
Auditorium, prior to the move to the new Opry House.
Michael Martin Murphey's single "Wildfire," was certified gold
1975.
Charlie Daniels' #1 country hit "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"
charted on Billboard's Top 40 in 1979.
ASV released Gene Autry's album "Last Round-Up: 25 Cowboy
Classics" 1998.
Tim McGraw's single "Live Like You Were Dying" topped the charts 2004.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
|
July 18, 2006: The Pirates
of the Mississippi are back together with a new single and album coming.
The band, who had a hit with "Feed Jake" in abut 15 years ago, have a new
single in "Kickin' Up Dust" and a new album "Heaven and A Dixie Night"
coming Aug. 29.
The group took a break from recording, but original
Pirates Bill McCorvey and Rich Alves reformed the group, which won the New
Vocal Group and Duo Award from the ACM in 1990. Pat Severs, Dean Townson
and Jimmy Lowe apparently are not participating.
The album will be released on Nashville-based Evergreen
Records. Label President Johnny Morris said, "I knew when I heard the
music that the timing would be right for the Pirates to re-launch their
career. Bill and Rich have co-written all songs on the album, and the
music is an honest reflection of their unique sound... We at Evergreen are
excited to be a part of the team."
* * * * * * *
July 17, 2006: Season Five American Idol
finalist Kellie Pickler signed a record deal with 19 Recordings/BNA
Records. Pickler, 20, of Albermarle, N.C., said she will have a single at
country radio in September with an album out Nov. 14. Currently on the
American Idols Live! Tour 2006, Pickler will record the album in between
tour dates.
Picker said she has been singing "before she could talk."
She said, "I've always dreamed of getting a record deal so now my dream
has come true! I'm really excited about making my first album and giving
something back to the fans who supported me on American Idol."
SONY BMG Chairman Joe Galante said, "We are very excited
to have signed Kellie. The recognition she received from Idol is a huge
advantage in launching a new artist, and her sense of humor and humility
are endearing. It's not very often when someone with that personality and
talent comes along and she will bring instant attention to her music and
our |
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
"Zesty Grilled
Veggies"
4 medium zucchini, cut diagonally into
1/2-inch thick slices
3 each red and yellow peppers, cut into 1/2-inch
wide strips
1/4 cup KRAFT Zesty Italian Dressing
1/4 cup
KRAFT 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese
PREHEAT grill to medium heat. Grill
vegetables until tender, but crisp.
PLACE vegetables in large bowl.
Add dressing; toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese.
"Strawberry Vanilla
Shortcut"
3 cups strawberries, sliced
2 Tbsp.
sugar
1 pkg. (12 oz.) pound cake, cut into 12 slices
1-1/2
cups cold milk
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Vanilla Flavor Instant
Pudding
& Pie Filling
1 tub (8 oz.) COOL
WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed, divided
TOSS strawberries with sugar; let stand 10 min.
or until sugar
is dissolved. Meanwhile, cut each cake slice
diagonally in half; place one cake piece on each of 12 dessert plates.
POUR milk into large bowl. Add dry pudding mix. Beat with wire whisk 2 min.
or until well blended. Gently stir in half of the
whipped topping.
SPOON 2
Tbsp. of the strawberries over each cake piece; top with 1/4 cup of the pudding
mixture and second cake piece. Cover with remaining strawberries and remaining
whipped topping. Serve immediately. Or, cover and refrigerate until ready to
serve.
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
Do fingernails
really continue to grow after you die?
 A
lot of freaky stuff happens to the human body after death. Rigor mortis sets
in, the blood stops clotting, and you get all "gross and pasty looking" (a
non-medical term). However, we do have some good news -- you needn't worry about
your fingernails and hair growing from beyond the grave. Snopes.com explains the
truth behind the legend. The human body begins to dehydrate after a person dies.
Because the skin is so dry, it "pulls away from nails and hair." This makes it
appear as though the nails and hair are growing, but in fact, it's really the
opposite. The body is shrinking.
So this is just an illusion. Snopes
notes that the body's unfortunate tendency to dry out is the reason funeral
homes are so liberal with the moisturizer. Without it, the newly departed would
appear unrecognizable well before the casket is shut.
Creepy.
****A PARTING THOUGHT
****
Bankruptcy is the
legal proceeding whereby you put all your money in your pants pocket and give
your coat to your creditors.
TOON
TIME
Driving
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33211.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33211.htm
"> Here!</a>
direct hit
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33210.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33210.htm
"> Here!</a>
Have a Point
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33209.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33209.htm
"> Here!</a>
Mirror Site
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/008.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/008.htm"> Here </a>
Love And Marriage...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/046.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/046.htm"> Here </a>
Which is Larger?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny164.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny164.html">Here!</a>
Dont Point
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41245.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/41245.htm
"> Here!</a>
Playpen
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41244.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/41244.htm
"> Here!</a>
Play
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41243.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/41243.htm
"> Here!</a>
Didn't Burn the Beer
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33208.htm
<a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33208.htm
"> Here!</a>
Super Beetle
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33206.htm
<a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33206.htm
"> Here!</a>
Death
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33207.htm
<a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/33207.htm
"> Here!</a>
Memory!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny165.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny165.html">Here!</a>
Right
Click On Mouse...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/049.htm
<a
href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/049.htm">
Here </a>
Fun Flume...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/050.htm
<a
href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/050.htm">
Here </a>
Oh My
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41240.htm
Come
On..
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41241.htm
This
is hot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41242.htm
Play
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41243.htm
LAST
CALL Y'ALL
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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