YOUR TOP TEN

The top 10 Country singles:  
  
1. Brad Paisley - The World  
2. Kenny Chesney - Summertime  
3. Carrie Underwood - Don't Forget To Remember Me  
4. Toby Keith - A Little Too Late  
5. Rodney Atkins - If You're Going Through Hell (Before The  
Devil Even Knows)  
6. Gary Allan - Life Ain't Always Beautiful  
7. Rascal Flatts - Me And My Gang  
8. The Wreckers - Leave The Pieces  
9. Little Big Town - Bring It On Home  
10. Phil Vassar - Last Day Of My Life  


The top 10 Country albums:  
  
1. Johnny Cash American V: A Hundred Highways  
2. Rascal Flatts - Me And My Gang  
3. Dixie Chicks - Taking The Long Way  
4. Carrie Underwood - Some Hearts  
5. Tim McGraw - Greatest Hits Vol 2: Reflected  
6. Toby Keith - White Trash With Money  
7. The Wreckers - Stand Still, Look Pretty  
8. Josh Turner - Your Man  
9. Johnny Cash - The Legend Of Johnny Cash  
10. Hank Williams Jr. - That's How They Do It In Dixie: The  
Essential Collection  

The top 10 Christian singles:  

1. MercyMe - So Long Self  
2. Aaron Shust - My Savior, My God  
3. Third Day - Mountain Of God  
4. Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm  
5. Kutless - Strong Tower  
6. Brian Littrell - Welcome Home  
7. Mark Harris - Find Your Wings  
8. Chris Tomlin - How Great Is Our God  
9.  Matthew West - Only Grace  
10. Selah - Bless The Broken Road  

Top 10 DVD sales:  

1. Failure To Launch -- Paramount Home Entertainment  
2. Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl --  
Walt Disney Home Entertainment  
3. Eight Below -- Walt Disney Home Entertainment  
4. Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion -- Lions Gate Home  
Entertainment  
5. The Matador -- The Weinstein Company  
6. Ultraviolet -- Sony Pictures Home Entertainment  
7. Annapolis -- Touchstone Home Video  
8. The Tyler Perry Collection: Madea Goes To Jail -- Lions  
Gate Home Entertainment  
9. Syriana -- Warner Home Video  
10.  High School Musical: Encore Edition -- Buena Vista Home  
Entertainment  


Top 10 DVD Rentals:  

1. Failure to Launch -- Paramount  
2. The Matador -- Genius/Weinstein  
3. Syriana -- Warner  
4. The Hills Have Eyes -- Fox  
5. Eight Below -- BV/Disney  
6. Ultraviolet -- Sony Pictures  
7. 16 Blocks -- Warner  
8. The Pink Panther -- Sony Pictures  
9. Annapolis -- BV/Touchstone  
10. Madea's Family Reunion -- Lionsgate  


Top 10 singles:  

1. Nelly Furtado Featuring Timbaland - Promiscuous  
2. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy  
3. Cassie - Me & You  
4. Shakira Featuring Wyclef Jean - Hips Don't Lie  
5. Yung Joc - It's Goin' Down  
6. Rihanna - Unfaithful  
7. The Pussycat Dolls Featuring Snoop Dogg - Buttons  
8. Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man  
9. Lil Jon Featuring E-40 & Sean Paul Of The YoungBloodZ -  
Snap Yo Fingers  
10. The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car)   


        Top 10 albums:  
  
1. Various Artists - NOW 22  
2. Thom Yorke - Eraser  
3. Pimp C - Pimpalation  
4. Nelly Furtado - Loose  
5. Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere  
6. Johnny Cash - American V: A Hundred Highways  
7. Soundtrack - High School Musical  
8. Rascal Flatts - Me And My Gang  
9. Muse - Black Holes And Revelations  
10. Rihanna - A Girl Like Me


The top 10 Mainstream Rock tracks:  
  
1. Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become  
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California  
3. Tool - Vicarious  
4. Korn - Coming Undone  
5. Stone Sour - Through Glass  
6. Breaking Benjamin - The Diary Of Jane  
7. Buckcherry - Crazy B!tch  
8. Hinder - Lips Of An Angel  
9. Wolfmother - Woman  
10. Godsmack - Shine Down   

  
****JOKE TIME****
In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an
English
woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a
small
guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.  She was concerned as to
whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is
commonly
called a WC which stands for "Water Closet".  She wrote to the >
schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he
knew
the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if
there
was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered
their
minds.  So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles
from
the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of
pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229
people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people
expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is,
however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation
especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC
as
it was there that she met her husband. It was a
wonderful event.  There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful
to
see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different
angle.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been
almost!
a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make
a
day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute
and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a
Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent
and
even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We
are
holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all
since many feel it is long needed.  I look forward to escorting you
there
myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,

The Schoolmaster

The Woman fainted reading the reply........ and she never visited
India!!!!

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  

  "RULES FOR BEING HUMAN"

You will receive a body.

You may like it or hate it,

but it's yours to keep

for the entire period.

You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full-time,

informal school called life.

There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial, error

and experimentation.

The "failed" experiments are as much

a part of the process as the experiments

that ultimately "work".

Lessons are repeated until they are learned.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms

until you have learned it.

When you have learned it,

you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons do not end.

There is no part of life that doesn't

contain it's lessons.

If you're alive,

there are still lessons to be learned.

"There" is no better than "here".

When your "there" has become "here",

you will simply obtain another "there"

that will again look better than "here".

Other people are merely mirrors of you.

You can not love or hate something

about another person unless it reflects to you

something you love or hate about yourself.

What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need.

What you do with them is up to you.

The choice is yours.
by: Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <> 
Kitchen Wisdom

  A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and
  this kitchen is delirious.

  No husband has ever been shot while doing
  the dishes.

  A husband is someone who takes out the trash
  and gives the impression he just cleaned the
  whole house.

  If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and
  cheap.

  A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

  Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
  for they shall never cease to be amused.

  A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

  Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

  Housework done properly can kill you.

  Countless numbers of people have eaten in this
  kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

  My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending
  machines.

<>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  

  A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar
  and announced that his wife had just produced a
  typical Texas baby, weighing a whooping twenty
  pounds.

  "WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.

  Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar.  The
  bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you
  the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds
  at birth?  How much does he weigh now?"

  The proud father answered, "10 pounds."

  The bartender said, "Why?  I know that babies lose
  some weight after birth, but ten pounds?  He did
  weigh twenty pounds, didn't he?  What happened?"

  The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><><><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><> 
Two robins were sitting in a tree.  "I'm really
 hungry," said the first one.

  Me, too," said the second.  "Let's fly down and
find some lunch.,"

 They flew down to the ground and found a nice plat
 of newly plowed ground
 that was just full of worms.  They ate and ate and
 ate 'til they could eat
 no more.

"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up into
 the tree,"
said the first one.  "Me either.  Let's just lay
 back here and bask in the
 warm sun," said the second.  "O.K.,"said the first.
 So they plopped down, basking in the sun.  No sooner
 than they had fallen
 asleep, when a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled
 them up.  As the cat sat
  washing his face after his meal, he thought...

Are you ready for this . . . .

"I just love baskin' robins."

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <> 
A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium
went
  out. He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as
they
  had all complied, the lights went on again.

  He then said, "Prove wisdom of Old Chinese saying: ... 'Many hands make
  light work.'"

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><><><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><> 
While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona caf?,
  four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses,
  and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

  Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman
  turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your
  bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"

  "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

  "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man
  asked.

  The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our
  25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go
  down there and get her."

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  
  A man walks into a friend and sees that      .
   his friend's car is total loss and
   covered with leaves, grass, branches,
   dirt and blood.  He asks his friend,
   "What's happened to your car?"

              "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".
         "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But
          what about the  leaves, the grass, the branches and
          the dirt?"

         `       "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."
         <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><><><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  
  Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large
  suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

  After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the
  elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75
  flights of stairs to get to their room.

  Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant
  task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
  flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell
  sad stories for the rest of the way."

  At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At
  the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.

  "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
  the car!!!

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <> 
Sally goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout
  Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend.
  She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

  Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook
  this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a
  time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them
  into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment
  before setting out.

  They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They
  arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event
  - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to
  eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course,
  Mike said he would.

  About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the
  supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

  Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly
  fine. I tested them all just before we left."

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><><><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  
  "Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat
  and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a
  group of young people.

"Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke, I
  don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after loose
  women!!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow,
  YAHOO, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  
     Culled from real church bulletins, these amusing gaffs almost
(that's almost) inspire us to attend church some time. (Almost.)

     Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

     Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.

     The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on
people who are not afflicted with any church.

     The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
audience.

     The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.

     A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

     The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the
church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

     Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

     Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be
discontinued until further notice.

     Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

     The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the
recession.

     The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special
thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole
evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

     The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

     Ushers will eat latecomers.

     The third verse of "Blessed Assurance" will be sung without musical
accomplishment.

     Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.

     The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due
to a conflict.

     The sermon this morning is "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight is "Searching for Jesus."

     Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
the help they can get.

     Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

     Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.

     Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

     The cost for attending this week's "Fasting and Prayer" conference
includes meals.

     Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.

     Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m.
Please use the back door.

     Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.

     This evening there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the
church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

     Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

     The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.

     Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

     For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

     Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.

     Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

     Thursday night—potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

     Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

     Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

     Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in
his private study.

     This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
and lay an egg on the alter.

     The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join
in.

     The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

     A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

     At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

     Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

     The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge—Up Yours."

     This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

     On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the
new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of
the service.

     We need volunteers for summer camp. There will be sinning and
dancing.

     The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

     The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

     Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

     Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

     Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

     The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

     Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing
for the girth of their first child.

     Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

<><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><><><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><>  <>  <><> 
The Ole Fritzbear