Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

TGIF
FRIDAY JULY 28,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Old" is when you are
cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.


IF you ever had a puppy or you now have a puppy .... and you would like 
to have some pictures, we present the following:

How To Photograph A Puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, 
outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" 
and "stay" first thing in the morning.
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Now, we have to be fair to the feline lovers .... so we include this 
little item.

  Want to know how to wrap a gift with kitties around?

Here it goes!

With three cats in the house ... I know how hard wrapping a gift can be 
... But this explains it all!!!

How to wrap a present, with the "aid" of a cat:

1)Clear large space on floor for wrapping present.

2)Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut 
door.

3)Open door and remove cat from closet.

4)Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5)Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6)Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, 
labels, etc.

7)Lay out presents and wrapping materials on floor, to enable wrapping 
strategy to be formed.

8)Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the 
drawer since last visit and collect string.

9)Remove present from bag.

10)Remove cat from bag.

11)Open box to check present.

12)Remove cat from box and replace present.

13)Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

14)Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

15)Cut paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

16)Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the 
paper.

17)Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the 
present came in.

18)Place present on paper.

19)Lift up edges of paper to seal in present.

20)Wonder why edges don't reach.

21)Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

22)Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent 
sticky tape.

23)Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape 
from cat with pair of nail scissors.

24)Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

25)Look for roll of ribbon.

26)Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

27)Try to wrap present with ribbon.

28)Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's 
enthusiastic ribbon chase.

29)Repeat steps 13-28 until you reach last sheet of paper.

30)Since last sheet of paper is incorrect size, retrieve old cardboard 
box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

31)Remove present from current box and put present in new box, tying 
down with string.

32)Remove string, open box and remove cat.

33)Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked 
room.

34)Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to re-lay out paper 
and materials.

35)Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and 
relock.

36)Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear 
all cats from outside door)

37)Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small 
area of the toilet, but do your best)

38)Discover cat has already torn paper.

39)Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for 
sheet of last year's paper.

40)Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this 
last year as well.

41)Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to 
make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

42)Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with 
sticky tape.

43)Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas. Label.

44)Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on 
completing a difficult job.

45)Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

46)Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

47)Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

48)Go to store and buy a gift bag.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><>
"Patriotic Father"
On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a 
patriotic father pointing out a well-known building to his son.

"You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the 
Pentagon."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><> 
 A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I 
could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several 
hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the 
receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.

"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby. You can wait there."
 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has 
discovered that people with "IBA" or insufficient brain activity read 
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late…
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 
 "Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead." - 
Chinese proverb
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse in 
Virginia where I work. But they accidentally walked up to the offices 
where hunting licenses are sold.

"We're from out of state," said the prospective groom. "Can we get a 
license?"

The clerk replied, "No, but I can give you a three-day permit."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 
 Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest 
said,

"Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as 
you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief 
Priest said to him:

"Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard Bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said. "We will get you a 
better bed."

The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may 
say another two words Brother John."

"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that 
the food would be better in the future.

On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again 
called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I Quit." said Brother John.

"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest. "All you have done since 
you got here was complain."
 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the 
confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building 
supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.

"What did you take?" his priest asked.

"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses 
for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."

"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a 
far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"

"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the 
plans, I can get the lumber."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 
The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to 
tell me the good news. I was being promoted to Vice President of 
Corporate Research and Planning. Of course, I was excited, but that 
didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice 
President of Corporate Planning and Research.

"Why?" asked the chairman.

"Because," I said, "our organization uses abbreviated job titles, and I 
don't want be known as VP of CRAP."
 ><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
n their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved  in  a
fatal car accident. The  couple find themselves sitting outside the 
Pearly Gates waiting for  St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While 
waiting, they  begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in  
Heaven?  When St. Peter showed up,  they asked him.  St. Peter says, "I 
don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find 
out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed;  and the
couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they 
were
allowed to get  married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it 
all.

  "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck  together
  FOREVER?"

  After yet another  month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
  bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in
  Heaven."  "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what 
if  things don't  work out? Could we also get a  divorce in Heaven?"

  St. Peter, red-faced with  anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

  "What's wrong?"  asked the frightened couple.

   "OH, COME ON!" St.  Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a
   priest up here!  Do you have ANY idea how long it would take me to 
find a
   LAWYER?"
<><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A blond woke up in the middle of the night and smelled smoke. A quick 
check confirmed that a fire had broken out in the basement of her 
house.

She called the fire department and screamed,

"Come quick my house is on fire!"

The reply - "Okay Ma'am, how do we get there?"

The blond says

". . . don't you guys still use those big red trucks?"
 ><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the 
channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the 
woman ran out on the porch, sat down on the steps put her face in her 
hands and moaned:

"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for 
help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
<><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked  
sympathetically,
"What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies:
"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed 
away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl.
"Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just 
take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need 
to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need 
anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He 
looks out over his office and sees her hysterically crying!! He rushes 
out to her, asking,

"What's the problem........are you gonna be ok??"

"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She 
told me that HER mom died too!!"
><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
You may remember ( if you're old enough) the old Jewish Catskill comics
of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields,
Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others.  Don't you miss their humor?
Not one single swear word in their comedy.  Here are some examples:

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all
night!  I finally had to let her out.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man.  The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable?"  The man says, "I make a good living."

I just got back from a pleasure trip.  I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.  If my wife ever
finds out, she'll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it.  The
thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night,
only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours.  That was only for the
estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud
fell off.

I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference.  I'm still
confused.  When I go to dinner, I feel sexy.  When I go to bed, I feel
hungry.

The doctor gave a man six months to live.  The man couldn't pay his
bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient:  "I AM 60!"  Doctor: "See! What
did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest.  The man asks, "Doc,
how do I stand?"  The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."  Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge.  The judge says, "You've been brought
here for drinking."  The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday."  The Jewish
fellow responded, "When's payday?"  The bum said, "I don't know! You're
the one that's working!"

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?  They're worth it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives?  They want to.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work
he's out of.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In
Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates
from medical school.

3. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?

A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><>
In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he 
thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have 
harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on 
America.

His answer was classic Schwartzkopf.
The General said,
  " I believe that forgiving them is God's function. OUR job is to 
arrange the meeting."
 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><>
God was missing for six days. Eventually the Archangel Michael found 
him resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you 
been?"
  God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards 
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
  Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
  "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to 
call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance." 
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
  God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
  "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and 
wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've 
placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of 
black people. Balance in all things." God continued, pointing to 
different countries, "This one will be extremely hot, while this one 
will be very cold and covered in ice."
  The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area 
and said, "What's that one?"
  "Ah," said God, "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on 
earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, 
forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State
  are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they 
are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely 
sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known 
throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael 
gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about 
balance, God? You said there would be balance."
  God smiled,
  "There is another Washington.
  Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
If only.........

I think the life cycle is all backwards

  You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

  Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

  You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, 
then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

  You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

  You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you 
get ready for High School.

  You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no 
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

  You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in  
spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger 
quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

  I rest my case.
 ><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 
 Subject: HMMMM

Think About This One!!! It is short but very interesting!
.
A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it's a free
market
.
A toy company can out source to a Chinese subcontractor and claim it's
a free market.
.
A shoe company can produce its shoes in south east Asia and claim it's
a free market.
.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim  it's
a free market.
.
We can buy HP Printers made in Mexico. We can buy shirts made in
Bangladesh
.
We can purchase almost anything we want from 20 different
countries
.
BUT, heaven help the senior citizens who dare to buy their
prescription  drugs from a  Canadian pharmacy. That's called
un-American! And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a
powerful lobby? Think again!
.
Forward this to every person you know over age 50.
Maybe this is an issue that should come up in the next election!
Forget age 50, send it to everyone. We're all in this boat
together
<><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><>
A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he 
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach 
her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could 
perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from 
her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. 
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet,and so on until you get a 
response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in 
the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what 
happens." In a normal tone he asks,"Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his 
wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his 
wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again, no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away."Honey, what's 
for dinner?"

Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her and says loudly, "Honey, what's for 
dinner?"
(I just love this.)
.
.
.
."Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><>
And, we leave you with this heart warmer.

A sign on the lawn, "Puppies for Sale, Five Dollars," caught the eye of 
an excited boy, who sauntered up the front walk and asked to see the 
litter. A man brought out five frisky puppies and one that limped.

"What's wrong with that dog?" asked the boy, pointing to the lame one. 
"That puppy will live, but it will never run much because it was born 
without a hip socket," the owner replied.

The boy pulled out $5 and said, "That's the one I want." The man tried 
to dissuade him, pointing out the problems a lame dog would bring. "You 
want a dog you can chase and play with," he told the boy.

"This one suits me fine," smiled the boy, pulling up his pants leg to 
reveal a full-length brace. - BITS & PIECES, March 3, 1994,
 ><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The ole Fritzbear in the Windy City

"Due to the fires out west officials are telling people to  
stay away from large dry areas of overgrown brush. Donald  
Trump's hair could go up at any moment." --Conan O'Brien 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  "L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that  
only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they  
tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait."  --Bill Maher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania,  
for winning the Tour de France. Floyd came back from being  
eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement  
surgery. He still won. Here's my question, can the French  
even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer  
and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip  
he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We  
should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana." Make them come  
over here." --Jay Leno  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in  
the city.  

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"  

"Two days ago."  

"Hmm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In  
May, he'll be an engineer."  

"What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"  

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."  

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"  

"He's taking every penny I make."  

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"  

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."  

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"  

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about  
him!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking  
hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small  
piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.  

"Speak!" she said to the dog.  

The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know  
what to say!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old, Billy, was utterly amazed, and a little bit disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she sked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged Mary.

"A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"

The foreman answered, "Insanity."

The attorney said, "All twelve of you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns. He said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second gun. The robber handed it over, grabbed the cash and headed for the exit. But Jiwi had pushed a button under the counter that automatically locked the door.
"He turned to me and asked what was going on," Jiwi says. "I told him to bring the money back and I would let him go. He brought the money back, and I opened the door."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You May Be in a Country Church if...

• Prayers about the weather are a standard part of every worship service.

• The pastor is wearing boots.

• High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.

• There is at least one pledge of two calves in the annual stewardship drive.

• The minister never has to buy any meat or vegetables.

• When it rains, everyone is smiling.

• The church directory doesn’t need last names.

• Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.

• Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

 A glass of wine a day may protect the aging heart  

NEW YORK - Data from the Cardiovascular Health Study show  
that moderate alcohol consumption may reduce risk of heart  
failure among older adults, researchers report in the  
Journal of the American College of Cardiology.  

The ongoing study was launched in 1989 to follow the health  
status of Medicare recipients living in communities across  
the country. Dr. Chris L. Bryson of the University of  
Washington, Seattle, and associates investigated whether  
there was an association between moderate alcohol consump-  
tion -- defined as one to six drinks a week -- and the risk  
of congestive heart failure in 5,888 subjects who were at  
least 65 years old. The subjects were followed for 7 to 10  
years.  

There were 5,595 subjects at risk for heart failure at base-  
line and 1056 events occurred during follow-up.  

During follow up, moderate drinkers had about an 18 percent  
lower risk of developing heart failure than abstainers.  
Those consuming 7 to 10 drinks per week had a 34 percent  
lower risk of heart failure.  

Alcohol "may exert a protective effect by favorably altering  
hemodynamics or influencing other factors that affect either  
the development or clinical presentation of congestive heart  
failure," Bryson suggests, although the exact mechanism  
requires further investigation.   

Dads More Likely Than Moms to Pass on MS  

MONDAY, -- Men with multiple sclerosis are more than twice  
as likely than women with the illness to pass it on to their  
children, U.S. researchers report.  

"When we looked at a large population of MS patients, when  
there was a parent and a child who had MS in a family, the  
child with MS got the disease twice as often from the father  
rather than the mother," researcher Dr. Brian Weinshenker,  
a Mayo Clinic neurologist, said in a prepared statement.  

Reporting in the July 25 issue of Neurology, Weinshenker and  
his colleagues theorized that this may be because men may  
have a greater "genetic load" of MS genes compared to women.  

"The hypothesis of this study is that men are more resistant  
to MS, so they need stronger or a larger number of genes in  
order to develop MS, and then pass these genes to their  
children," study author Dr. Orhun Kantarci, a Mayo Clinic  
neurologist, said in a prepared statement.  

The fact that men are more likely to pass MS to their  
children is not easily explained by hormonal differences  
between women and men or by genes on the sex chromosomes,  
Kantarci said.  

The findings shouldn't affect how men with MS are counseled  
about the risk to their children, the researchers said. A  
child with an affected parent has about a 20-fold increased  
risk of MS. But the additional risk of having a father with  
the disease is not enough to change current patient counsel-  
ing methods.  

"The over-transmission by men is primarily of interest to  
scientists studying the mechanisms of genetic transmission  
of MS susceptibility," Kantarci said. The finding "may  
indicate that nontraditional, or so-called epigenetic  
factors, play some role in the transmission of MS," he  
theorized.  

Eighty-five percent of MS cases have no known cause. Among  
15 percent of MS patients, a family member within a  
generation is also affected by the disease. In familial  
cases, no single gene has been identified that strongly  
predisposes a person to MS.   

Elaprase Approved for Rare Genetic Disorder  

MONDAY, -- Elaprase (idursulfase) was approved Monday by  
the U.S. Food and Drug Administration as the first drug to  
treat Hunter syndrome, a rare, inherited disease that can  
cause premature death.  

People with Hunter syndrome, which affects about one of  
every 65,000 to 132,000 births, cannot break down the body's  
complex sugars. Symptoms include stunted growth, joint  
stiffness, and coarse facial features. More severe effects  
include respiratory, cardiac and neurological problems,  
enlargement of the liver and spleen, and death, the FDA said  
in a statement.  

Elaprase was approved as an orphan drug, meaning it was  
developed to treat a condition that affects fewer than  
200,000 people. Such approval gives the Massachusetts-based  
manufacturer, Shire Human Genetic Therapies Inc., seven  
years of exclusive marketing rights.  

Approval was granted following a 96-patient study that  
found treated patients were able to walk an average of 38  
yards more in six minutes than untreated participants, the  
FDA said.  

But some patients did suffer severe hypersensitivity  
reactions, prompting the agency to advise that  
"appropriate medical support should be readily available  
when Elaprase is administered."  


**** Reader's Submissions ****

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

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**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
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Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
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&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
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to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
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Subject Line--- The Funnies
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Chase becoming traffic jam

Fisher seeks second chance

Female racer hopes for return to action in Indy Racing League.

Story

IRL headed to Iowa?

Series to conduct compatability tests, could add race in 2007.

Story

Childress appeals denied

NASCAR panel upholds penalties for Busch event at Daytona.

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