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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
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than it is to get wiser

NEVER TOO LITTLE

TGIF
FRIDAY AUGUST 4,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Don't think of it as getting hot flashes.
Think of it as your inner child playing with matches."- NORM

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"

The man replied, "That's one of the benefits you get of owning the company"

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I just realized that I've been married over 25 years and my wife has never had laryngitis. What a rip-off.

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My father and four of his friends built a waterbed frame for my mother. When they finished filling up the mattress, they all lay on it to test their hard work. My grandmother came to visit the next day, and my mother showed her the beautiful bed. She told Grandma to lie on it to see what it felt like. Grandma was reluctant because she's heavyset and thought she might burst the water bag. My mother turned to her and said: "Don't worry, Mom. You can't possibly break it. Just last night I had five men on it at once."

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Our union was about to vote on a contract proposal, and our members werepessimistic about the outcome. When I realized, after calling the vote, that we were out of ballots, I called a print- shop, ordered more and went to pick them up. As I was leaving the store, I noticed a printing error. Instead of saying "accept" or "reject," they now read "accept" or "regret."

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After a long and serious operation, Cassy ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Bill came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.

"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Bill in a quiet somber voice.

Bill looked at Cassy and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 43."

"35," came the weak reply from Cassy.


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William Sokolin paid $519,750.00 for a bottle of 1787 vintage wine which supposedly had been owned by Thomas Jefferson, then later accidentally knocked it over, breaking it and spilling the precious contents on the floor.

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One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.

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Yesterday I got even with my dentist. When he was finished I said, "This may hurt a little, Doc...I don't have any money."

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A lawyer sent a note to a client:

"Dear Fred, Thought I saw you on the street the other day. Crossed over to say hello, but it wasn't you, so I went back. One-tenth of an hour: $25."

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The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a recipe for making beer that can be used at home. So, if youhave a set of these terrible books, get id of them immediately . .. .. especially if YOU live in Texas!!! (Or our illustrious president will be very angry!!!)
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Nebraska state law prohibits bars from selling beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

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Strange But True ....In Pennsylvania the tax on wine and spirits is called the Jamestown Flood tax because it was imposed in 1936 to raise funds to help the city of Jamestown rebuild and recover from a devastating flood that year. The city of Jamestown quickly rebuilt and recovered but the tax still continues. It currently costs the taxpayers of the state over $160,000,000.00 each year.

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How many roads must a man drive down Before he admits he is lost? Why when a man becomes married is he Unable to find his own socks?

How many times will it take 'til he knows He has seen the three stooges enough?

The answer, my friend, I cannot comprehend, The answer, I cannot comprehend.

How many shows can a man surf through Before the remote burns out? Why does he think that an intimate gift Is a Dustbuster Plus for the house?

How many sounds can a man's body make Before he sleeps on the couch?

The answer, my friend, is take two aspirin, The answer is take two aspirin.

Why when we go for a romantic drive Do we wind up at Home Depot again? How many nights will he leave the seat up, so I land on cold porcelain?

How men really feel is a mystery to me and probably a mystery to them.

The answer, my friend is driving me to gin, The answer is driving me to gin.

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"I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, 'Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, 'Extra medium.'" (Steven Wright)

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QUESTION: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?

ANSWER: Because no one wants to quit.

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I took my uncle to his first Alcohol Anonymous meeting. I went but we ended up at a Triple A meeting by mistake. We didn't know it. Everyone is sitting there filling out forms and reading maps. We're looking there going, 'How is this going to help?'

My uncle stood up and said, 'My name is Vance and I'm an alcoholic.'

They all looked up and said, 'You shouldn't be driving' and went right back to the maps. '

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"Boss" said the dock supervisor, "the dockworkers are a bit unsure of the new cargo loader you hired." "Why do you say that?" asked the manager. "Well," replied the supervisor, "This morning he stubbed his toe on a crate and said, "Oh, the stubborness of immovable objects!"

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What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

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Two tykes were playing together when a cute, curly-haired girl walked by. One tyke said, "You know something? When I stop hating girls, I think I'll stop hating that one first!"

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Overheard at a men's meeting-

"My wife has to be the world's worst cook!"

"Oh, yeah, what makes you think so?"

"Well, her cooking is so bad that the flies took up a collection to get the hole in the screen fixed."

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it's illegal in Indiana for liquor stores to sell milk or cold soft drinks. They can, however, sell uinrefrigerated soft drinks.

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QUESTION: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

ANSWER:"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

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A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmm." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

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FRED, THE OLE FRITZBEAR!!!!


A large steel column next to my cubicle got whacked
during the office renovation and, as a result, a sharp
spur stuck out from the side. The site supervisor came
over with a worker, pointed to the pole, and said,
"That's really sharp and could hurt someone. I want it
filed down." The worker reached out, touched it, and
said "Ouch!" just as the supervisor yelled "Don't touch
it!" When the worker looked at the blood welling up,
the supervisor said, "Wow, that *is* sharp!" and
reached out and touched it. "Ouch!" he said, stuck his
finger in his mouth, and walked away with the
worker.

Five minutes later, the worker came back with an
underling. "That's what needs to be filed down," he
said. "It's really sharp." The underling reached out
and touched it. "Ow!" he yelped and yanked his finger
away.

Fortunately he filed it down right there and then
before anyone else could verify how sharp it was.
"Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro was checked into a hospital and  
has temporarily given control over to his brother. Control  
of his beard has been given over to ZZ Top." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu  
on a DUI. They said on the news that if he is convicted he  
could face up to 14 days in the 'Thunderdome'." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Clearly, we're facing a conflict so brutal that even the  
best diplomacy seems insufficient. That's why the president  
has cleared his schedule, assembled his most trusted  
advisors and had an urgent conference with ten of the most  
talented stars in America. Ladies and Gentleman, please  
welcome your 'American Idols.'" --Jon Stewart  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a pro-  
minent medical school.  

"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect  
to be five years from now?"  

"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday  
afternoon.  I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I bet you think twice before you leave your wife alone at  
night," chided one man to the other.  

"I'll say." replied the second. "First, I have to think up  
a reason for going out. Second, I have to think up why she  
can't go with me."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had
gotten it for free when she bought a used console TV
for the living room. The original owners said they
didn't use the 13" TV much because it would shut off
after a while. After checking out the on-screen menu
features, I found there was a sleep timer set for 90
minutes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work for a bank. I applied for a home loan from my
employer and have been waiting for approval for over
five weeks. I found out today that it has taken this
long because my loan officer was unable to get
verification of my employment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the back of a septic-service company truck: "Satisfaction guaranteed,
or your merchandise cheerfully refunded."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a beauty shop window in Rancho Palos Verdes, CA: "We can do your hair
while you wait."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a restaurant table in Thailand: "Before leaving, please check all
your belongings in your bag. If you find something that belongs to the
restaurant, please return it to its proper place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a 10 year old boy, who's left arm was damaged and subsequently
amputated. He decided to learn judo. His Sensei
(teacher) was an old Chinese judo expert. The boy learned quickly.
After three months, he had learned only one move. He asked his teacher
to teach him more moves. The Sensai told him that this was all he would
need.

Soon after, the boy entered a tournament, where he quickly advanced to
the finals, where his opponent was bigger and more experienced. The boy
seemed very out matched. After a long match, the opponent seemed to
loose concentration. Quickly the boy took advantage and pinned what
seemed to be his superior opponent.

On the ride home, the boy asked his Sensai. "How could I win with only
one move?" The Sensai replied, "You have nearly mastered one of the most
difficult moves in all of judo. And, the only defence against that
move, is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 After a long and serious operation, Cassy ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Bill came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.

"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Bill in a quiet somber voice.

Bill looked at Cassy and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 43."

"35," came the weak reply from Cassy

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send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

   Britain gets cancer 'wonder drug'  

LONDON, -- A drug designed to attack cancer by inhibiting  
a key enzyme to signals cells to multiply became available  
Monday across Britain. Already licensed by the U.S. Food  
and Drug Administration, Sutent (sunitinib) has been  
licensed in Britain to treat two kidney cancer and gastro-  
intestinal stromal tumors, while early trials suggest it  
might also be effective against breast, lung and pancreatic  
cancers, The Times of London reported Monday. The new phar-  
maceutical, manufactured by Pfizer Inc., also deprives  
tumors of specific nutrients they need by preventing the  
growth of blood vessels, becoming the first drug to combine  
both modes of action, the newspaper said. Sutent will  
initially cost each patient about $4,500 monthly, therefore  
probably limiting its use.   

 Virtual surgery software developed  

SALT LAKE CITY, -- U.S. scientists say they've developed a  
"virtual surgery" software tool that creates a 3-D computer  
image from medical scans. The researchers at Brigham Young  
University say their new technology -- Live Surface -- can  
be utilized to instantly visualize any part of a patient's  
anatomy, the Salt Lake City Deseret Morning News reported  
Monday. The software developers -- BYU Professor William  
Barrett and graduate student Chris Armstrong -- say current  
programs that allow physicians to look at a patient's anat-  
omy are either too basic or take too long to be useful. But,  
Barrett told the Deseret Morning News, Live Surface is  
interactive and fast, allowing the isolation of tricky anat-  
omy such as soft tissue, including blood vessels, hearts and  
muscles. The software company Adobe Systems Corp. helped  
fund the research for development of Live Surface. An earlier  
software, developed by Barrett and his students under the  
name Intelligent Scissors, was renamed Magnetic Lasso and is  
incorporated into 5.0 Adobe PhotoShop. BYU has applied for a  
patent on Live Surface, and Adobe will have non-exclusive  
licensing rights to the product, Barrett said. The research  
was presented Monday during the International Workshop on  
Volume Graphics in Boston.   

Anti-obesity vaccine is developed  

LA JOLLA, Calif., -- U.S. scientists say they have devel-  
oped an anti-obesity vaccine that significantly slowed weight  
gain and reduced body fat in animal models. The Scripps Re-  
search Institute scientists said mature male rats immunized  
with specific types of the active vaccine ate normally, yet  
gained less weight and had less body fat, indicating that  
the vaccine directly affects the body's metabolism and  
energy use. The finding, said the scientists, might be  
especially important to stop what is commonly called "yo-yo  
dieting," the cycle of repeated loss and regain of weight  
experienced by many dieters. The new vaccine -- directed  
against ghrelin, a naturally occurring hormone that helps  
regulate energy balance in the body -- has shown the poten-  
tial, in animal models at least, to halt yo-yo dieting. The  
Scripps researchers said their findings may mark a turning  
point in the treatment of obesity by confirming the effec-  
tiveness of immunopharmacotherapy to combat the serious and  
growing global problem. Immunopharmacotherapy engages the  
immune system, specifically antibodies, to bind to selected  
targets, directing the body's own immune response against  
them. The study appears in the early online edition of the  
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.  


**** Reader's Submissions ****
~~~ Everybody Knows ~~~

You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So...

You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of "being you".

Then...

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect
that is due,
And you'll be a being that's vitally alive.

Dare To Believe...

That you are a wonderful unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to
be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift
to cherish,
and you'll be able to stay one up on what used
to get you down.
Author Unknown

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Fisher gets ride for IRL race

Female driver plans to compete in Kentucky on Aug. 13.

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

AMERICA'S GIRL NEXT DOOR IS BACK
August 3, 2006

She's Back…Sarah Fisher Returns at Kentucky Speedway where her past successes include her 2002 pole position and 2000 third place;
Fisher's Official Website Giving Away Free Tickets to the race
Sarah makes her first appearance in IndyCar Series since 2004; Fisher still holds the record for the best finishes
by a female in IndyCar racing of second and third; At Kentucky Speedway, she still holds the track qualifying record with her pole in 2002

(Indianapolis, IN ) Dreyer and Reinbold Racing today officially announced the addition of Sarah Fisher as the next driver to pilot its No. 5 Honda powered Dallara. Fisher will compete at Kentucky Speedway on August 13th .

“It's very exciting to have Sarah back in the car at Kentucky Speedway, said team co-owner Dennis Reinbold, who first put Fisher in his car back in 2002. “We believe that it is a very good track for her and with the momentum our team has been building, a good result is what we are looking forward to. It's always a pleasure working with Sarah and this time will be no different.”

Her Kentucky Speedway start will be far from Fisher's first event with Dreyer & Reinbold Racing as they first teamed together back in 2002 with her fourth place finish at Nazareth Speedway substituting for injured driver and now co-owner, Robbie Buhl. During her IndyCar Series career, Sarah has had best finishes of second at Homestead-Miami in 2000, and a third place finish at the Kentucky Speedway in 2001, giving her the best two finishes by a woman ever in IndyCar racing.

Her commitment to excellence has made her one of racing's most admired figures among fans and drivers alike. Voted the Most Popular driver in the 2001, 2002 and 2003 IndyCar Series and in the 2005 NASCAR West Regional Series, Fisher's return marks her first time racing in an IndyCar since her 2004 Indianapolis 500 one-off start with Kelley Racing, before she moved to NASCAR under the guidance of owner Richard Childress.

“I am really looking forward to the opportunity to get back into an IndyCar,” said Fisher, who attended the Lyn St. James Women in Winner's Circle event today along with the Jeff Gordon Celebrity Bowling tournament. “It has been some time and there is a lot of catching up to do. Hopefully it will be like riding a bike, but I am sure that there will be challenges we will have to figure out how to hurdle. This weekend is all about getting back on the bike (literally!). It's a personal goal of mine to at least run in the top-10. I want to be there at the end and racing as hard as I did before, and that in itself will achieve results.”

The Commercial Point, OH native fueled national headlines when she emerged in the IndyCar Series as just a 19 year old teenager looking to go racing in a male-dominated sport. But it was her athleticism that ultimately kept her continuing what Janet Guthrie and Lyn St. James pioneered for women. The determined racer became a household name and was coined as the “girl next door” chasing her dream of winning the famed Indianapolis 500.

“One thing I am so proud of, is being accessible to fans, to sponsors, to everyone who enjoys the sport,” said Fisher, who has been teaching her fianc?e's 11-year-old brother, Kyle, how to race go-karts. “The go-karters, the local Saturday night racers. These people truly love racing and it's amazing to realize how down to earth you can be when you are around them. They are what America represents and I am so privileged to be a part of what they represent. Racing is about preparation. The endless days at the kart track just to beat you up and send you out again the next day. It's the tireless focus where decisions remain split seconds. It's great people that not only believe in you but are willing to give everything to help you. It's knowing that you are 100% ready for anything or anyone.”

The 2000 Indianapolis 500 was the first time two women had raced in the same event. In that race, Lyn St. James, 53, and Fisher, 19, who became the youngest woman and the third youngest person ever to qualify for her first Indy 500, competed among the field of 33. Fisher continued to race in the series as the sole-female until she left the series in 2004 for the NASCAR West Regional Series. In this developmental series of NASCAR, Fisher captured four top-10 qualifying starts and four top-10 finishes in her first full-season and finished 12 th in the chase for the NASCAR Grand National Division, West Series title. Now in 2006, she will join Patrick on the track as the only other female driver in the Series.

"I'm here to race against everyone," said Fisher, who holds the record for the two best finishes ever by a woman in IndyCar racing. "I'm here to do the best that I can and ultimately get back to the level of IndyCars that put me up front. Every driver out there has the same goal and drive that I have and that is to win. Danica and I are two individuals out there competing in a man's world, whether it is in stock cars or IndyCars. I don't look at her any differently then all the other drivers. We are different people who want to achieve the same result."

Her first race back in the IndyCar Series will be close to her heart as she calls Kentucky Speedway her home track. Back in 2002, national headlines proclaimed “Ladies First” as Fisher became the first female to start from the pole position in a North American open-wheel event at Kentucky Speedway, later finishing eight. To date, she still holds the track qualifying record for a 221.390 mile per hour lap, to become the first woman in open-wheel racing, IndyCar Series racing and Kentucky Speedway history to earn a pole award.

“Kentucky has amazing memories for me,” said Fisher, whose best finish at Kentucky Speedway was third and came in 2000 for Walker Racing. “Not only the track record, the pole, the podium, but the people. There are some special people in that area of the country. Friends, family, they all enjoy being at Kentucky . From what I remember, Kentucky is a very bumpy track. But, the line there shouldn't have changed much from before. We'll just have to see and hopefully we get over those issues early.”

The five-foot-two inch racer grew up on the dirt tracks and short tracks in the Midwest , prior to racing in the IndyCar Series. She was exposed to life at the track at an early age. Her first racing experience came as a five year-old when her parents fitted her for her first race car – a quarter-midget. She raced quarter-midgets and go-karts until she was a teenager, winning the 1991, 1993 and 1994 World Karting Association Grand National Championships and the 1993 Circleville Points Championship.

By the time she was 15, Fisher was racing Winged Outlaw Sprint cars winning the 1995 Dirt Track Racing Round-Up Rookie of the Year. While in high school, she was racing sprints beating Mark Kinser and Sammy Swindell. At just 18, she was racing Ryan Newman, Jason Leffler, and Kasey Kahne in the USAC midgets winning five of the 23 main events.

With her achievements on the track, Sarah's fan base grew which brought guest appearances on a variety of television programs including, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Live with Regis and Kelly, Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw, Good Morning America and CBS This Morning.

“I miss my fans so much—you have no idea,” said Fisher, who is giving away a pair of tickets to the Kentucky race on her official website to one lucky fan. “I think I appreciate them more then I ever did. Two years later and I still have people that remember more than I do about my past experiences. It is a life changing experience to realise that you impact people and how much responsibility that is and what a good person you need to be for these people to look up to.”

The 25-year-old Fisher, who is attending Ellis College on a part-time basis pursuing a business undergraduate degree, currently resides in Indianapolis with her fianc?, Andy, and is the fourth driver to take to the helm for the Dreyer & Reinbold team in 2006; Buddy Lazier drove in eight events, Al Unser, Jr. drove a second entry for the team at the Indy 500 alongside Lazier and Aussie Ryan Briscoe is competing in four events for the team, including the final road course of the season at Infineon Raceway.

The Meijer Indy 400 presented by Coca-Cola and Secret will be the 11 th race in the 14-race 2006 season on the IndyCar Series circuit. Kentucky Speedway will play host to the race which will be carried live on ABC at 3:30 p.m. (EDT) on Sunday, August 12 th . Additional coverage will be available on IMS Radio, XM Satellite Radio Channel 145 “IndyCar Racing,” www.dreyerreinbold.com/racing and www.indycar.com .

Fisher's Official Website Giving Away Free Tickets to Kentucky Speedway Race

Sarah Fisher's official website, www.sarahfisher.com , announced today they would give away two sets of two tickets to the Meijer Indy 400 at Kentucky Speedway. Fans are urged to visit her official website and answer trivia questions about the racer in order to win the tickets.

About Sarah Fisher:
At just 25 years old, she has already competed in five Indianapolis 500's and been voted the Most Popular Driver four times in two separate series. In 2005, she was part of NASCAR's Drive for Diversity program, piloting the No. 20 Chevrolet Monte Carlo for the Bill McAnally Racing/Richard Childress Racing Development Program in the NASCAR Grand National Division, West Series, and capturing four top-ten finishes. Fisher made her first appearance in the IndyCar Series back in 1999 for Derrick Walker, making her the youngest person ever to pass the IndyCar Series Rookie test. In 2000, she became just the third woman and one of the youngest drivers ever to compete in the world's greatest race – the Indianapolis 500. Sarah continued to make history that year at Kentucky Speedway, becoming the youngest person to lead laps during an IndyCar Series event and the youngest woman to ever stand on a podium with her third-place finish in that event. In 2001, Sarah claimed a second-place finish at the IndyCar Series inaugural race at Homestead Miami Speedway, the best result ever by a woman in Indy-style racing. In 2002, Sarah became the first woman to ever qualify fastest for a major North American open-wheel event capturing the pole and setting a new track record at Kentucky Speedway. Fisher raced quarter-midgets and go-karts until she was a teenager, winning the 1991, 1993 & 1994 World Karting Association Grand National Championships, the 1993 Circleville Points Championship and the 1994 WKA Grand National Championship. By age 15, Sarah was racing Winged Outlaw Sprint cars winning the 1995 Dirt Track Racing Round-Up Rookie of the Year. Sarah has been a guest or profiled on a variety of television programs including, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Live with Regis and Kelly, Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning. She has also appeared in the pages of People, Teen People, Cosmo Girl, Seventeen, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Sports Illustrated and many other magazines. Sarah currently resides in Indianapolis with her fianc?, Andy, and their chocolate lab, Wrigley. For more information, please visit Sarah Fisher on the World Wide Web, www.sarahfisher.com .

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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-4-

Carson Robison, singer/songwriter, born Oswego, KS 1890.

Frank Luther, recording artist, born Larkin, KS 1899.

Bill Cox, the "Dixie Songbird" born Kanawha County, WV 1897.

James Blackwood born Ackerman, MS 1919.

Benny Sims bluegrass fiddler/session musician born 1924.

Jimmie Rodgers recorded his first session for Ralph Peer, and Victor Records in Bristol, TN in 1927.

Scotty Stoneman born Galax, VA 1932.

Vicki Hackerman, "Dave & Sugar," born Louisville, KY 1950.

George Jones joined the Grand Ole Opry 1956.

Jimmy C. Newman joined the Grand Ole Opry 1956

Johnny Cash recorded "Doin' My Time" 1957.

Skeeter Davis joined the Grand Ole Opry 1959.

Jack Taylor, age 60, "The Prarie Ramblers," died 1962.

Connie Smith won a talent contest in Columbus, OH, that eventually led to stardom, 1963.

Fiddlin' Doc Roberts died in Madison Country, KY 1978.

Ricky Skaggs and Sharon White were married 1981.

Tex Atchison, age 70, died in Collinsville, IL 1982.

The Judds' single "Mama He's Crazy" became their first #1 hit 1984.

Kenny Price, age 56, the "Round Mound of Sound" died from a heart attack 1987.

Mercury released "The Complete Mercury Sessions" of Flatt & Scruggs 1992.

Dolly Parton's album "Eagle When She Flies" certified platinum 1992.

Roy Carter, bass singer for "The Chuck Wagon Gang" died 1997.

The Notorious Cherry Bombs, Rodney Crowell's road band in the 80's, debuted on The Tonight Show in 2004. The band included original members Rodney Crowell, Tony Brown, Vince Gill, Hank DeVito and Richard Bennett.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

 New Merle Haggard Compilation Arrives in September  

Although he's already featured on more than 25 greatest  
hits albums, a new compilation, Hag: The Best of Merle  
Haggard, will feature recordings he made for five differ-  
ent record labels. To be released Sept. 11 by Capitol  
Nashville/EMI Music Catalog Marketing, the single-disc  
collection features 26 tracks, including 14 of Haggard's  
No. 1 singles among the material he recorded for Capitol,  
MCA, Epic, Anti and Compendia. The package also features  
"I'm Leaving Now," a duet with Johnny Cash recorded in  
2000, and other collaborations with Willie Nelson and  
Toby Keith. Liner notes were provided by 96-year-old  
Country Music Hall of Fame member Ken Nelson, Haggard's  
longtime producer at Capitol.


Vince Gill Chooses New Orleans School for New Playground  

Vince Gill will be in New Orleans on Sept. 25 to join volun-  
teers from The Home Depot and the surrounding community to  
construct a new playground at the relocated campus of the  
International School of Louisiana. The playground is being  
built in honor of Gill as part of a national program  
promoted by KaBOOM!, a nonprofit organization that brings  
communities and businesses together to construct playgrounds,  
skate parks, sports fields and ice rinks throughout North  
America. As the 2006 recipient of the Academy of Country  
Music/The Home Depot Humanitarian Award, Gill personally  
selected the school for the playbround. "Given the devasta-  
tion caused by Hurricane Katrina, it is an obvious need for  
the community," Gill said.   
   

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

SOUR CREAM CORNBREAD   

3 large eggs, lightly beaten  
1 cup self rising cornmeal  
1 can (8 3/4 ounce) cream style corn  
1 carton (8 ounce) sour cream  
1/4 cup vegetable oil  

DIRECTIONS:  
Heat a lightly greased 8 inch cast iron skillet  
in a 400 degree oven for 5 minutes. In a bowl,  
combine all ingredients, and mix until all is  
moistened. Pour batter into hot pan. Bake in  
oven at 400 degrees for 20 minutes or until  
golden.  

Pecan Pancakes with Butter Pecan Syrup

Pecan Pancakes
2 cups dry pancake mix
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
1 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
For the oil called for in the mix, use melted butter
Water and egg as called for in the mix directions

In a small bowl, mix the nuts, spices, and extract together until the
nuts are covered with spices. Prepared the pancake mix as directed on
the package. Stir in the nut mixture, stirring no more than needed. Cook
per the directions on the package.

Butter Pecan Syrup
2 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cups water
1/3 cup dark corn syrup
4 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract and 1 teaspoon
rum extract
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans

Mix the sugar, water and corn syrup together in a saucepan. Bring to a
boil, stirring as needed. Add the butter, extract, and nuts and stir.

Serve hot.

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is Tweety Bird a boy or a girl?

The simple answer is: Tweety Bird is whatever gender Warner Brothers says it is. And Warner Brothers says Tweety's a boy.

So why all the confusion? Is it the sky-high eyelashes? The all- around cuteness? As it turns out, Tweety's original name was Orson. Had Tweety kept this macho moniker, the great gender debate never would have started. Alas, Orson was dropped, leaving future fans to wonder what the heck they were looking at.

The bird was initially pink, not yellow. Censors took issue with the color. They felt people might think the little guy was nude (and lord knows we can't have naked animals). So -- voil?, yellow feathers. The early Tweety also didn't shy away from violence toward his predators. Of course, he's now known for his questionable charms and innocence.

Tweety first appeared with his nemesis, Sylvester, in a cartoon called "Tweetie Pie." It won Warner Brothers their first Academy Award for a cartoon. Considering his popularity over the years, perhaps ol' Tweet was the WB's good luck charm.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

I have only one question: If the government isn't a dependent, what is it?

LAST CALL Y'ALL

JUST IN CASE YA CAN'T TELL
I'VE BEEN A SARAH FISHER FAN FOR YEARS

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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