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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August17, 2006




From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to T
he Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG

Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser


THURSDAY AUGUST 17,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. (Richard Bach)


Nothing like being prepared!!!  Pretty neat.

 

Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week.

"What's the story this time, Harry?" his boss asked sarcastically.
"Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Harry sighed,
"Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me
to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the draw bridge
got stuck. I swam across the river--see, my suit's still damp--ran out
to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Trump's helicopter, landed on top of
Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the
Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Harry," said the boss.

"But that's what happened! Why don't you believe me?"

"Simple, Harry, no woman has EVER gotten ready in ten minutes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT" 
(Senior Citizen Version)
 
Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your mylanta and tums?
 
Does your memory stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
 
Is your hairline receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,
And its prostate for him.
 
Does your back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
 
Is your blood pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
 
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.
Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
 
If it's football or baseball,
He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.
 
So your gallbladder's gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
 
When you're hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.
 
When you turn out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
 
He was once so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fool?
 
So don't take any bets,
 
It's as good as it gets,
 
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
 
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob Hope once received an award and graciously gave full credit to his four writers for making it possible.

The next to receive the award was Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He stepped to the mike and with a grin, he announced, "I also want to thank my four writers - Mathew, Mark, Luke and John."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde goes for a job interview and the interviewer decides to start
with the basics.

"So, miss, can you tell me your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before
replying, "Ehhhh ..22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

"And can you tell me your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.
She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics.
"And just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds,
mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Mandy!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just
out of curiosity, I can understand your counting on your fingers to work
out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but
what were you doing bobbing your head when I asked you your name?"

"Oh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy
birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our friend and neighbor, a minister, hurried over to our house one morning to ask if he could borrow our car. He was to conduct a funeral in a few hours, and his car was in for repairs. Later that day when he returned it, we noticed an amused expression on his face. It wasn't until he walked around the front of our car to join the funeral procession, he said, that he noticed our bumper sticker: I'd rather be golfing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lunching in a pub before a matinee performance, British actor Wilfrid Lawson (1850-1941) met fellow-actor Richard Burton and invited him to the show that afternoon. As Lawson was not due to appear at the beginning of the play, he sat with Burton to watch the opening scenes. Some twenty minutes into the performance, however, Burton was a little concerned to find Lawson still sitting beside him, having made no move to leave and prepare for his entrance. A few moments later, Lawson tapped Burton on the arm. "You'll like this bit," he whispered excitedly. "This is where I come on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men, once close friends, meet after twenty years. One of them invites the other over to his house for a dinner. During dinner, the guest has to hide his surprise when he sees eighteen children in his friend’s house: "You must be happy in your marriage; the house full of kids. Isn’t it nice!" the guest says to his friend when they step outside for a smoke.

"I wish. You don’t know my wife. She nags at me day and night."

"Then, why did you father so many kids?"

"Well, I figured it’s much easier to get lost in a crowd."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How about a few Brain Teasers:

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of
assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't
eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5
minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all
of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and
still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and
gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find
out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think
nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is
unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find
anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

Sorry, I don't have the answers to these... Just kidding.

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the
ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which
jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal.

5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

6. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English
language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They've closed a road to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe near where I live. The actual road closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, so a lot of drivers go to see if the road is really closed and then have to turn in the narrow road.

Their embarrassment is made worse by the back of the "ROAD CLOSED" sign, which reads: "TOLD YOU SO!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American is bragging to a Romanian about his crops of food and how good they are. He say to him "here is my corn field look how it stands 7 ft tall."

The Romanian says "that's nothing our corn stands 11 ft. tall.

The American takes him to his wheat field and says "look at my wheat field it stand 9ft tall."

And the Romanian says "that's nothing our wheat stands 12ft tall."

So the American wanting very much too out do the Romanian, takes him to the watermelon patch. The Romanian never seeing watermelon before say's "what is this that you have here?"

The American says "sweet peas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
School is a building with four walls, and tomorrow inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says: "OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor."

The singer says: "Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that."

The pianist says: "Well, that's what you did last time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man of the house was angry with the maid because she'd told his wife what time he'd poured himself into the house. The maid denied the charge, saying, "I didn't tell her what time you came in. I just said I was too busy getting breakfast ready to notice!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I was waiting for my wife at the reception desk at a spa, a flustered lady entered. She apologized to the receptionist for being late. "I walked up and down both sides of the street for 15 minutes trying to find the entrance to the spa," she said. When she finished her explanation, the receptionist's first question was, "Have you ever been here before?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read,
"Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the
waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that
correct?"

"Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today."

"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster."

"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails -- and a
little bit tough?"

"No," she said, "it's the really big red lobster."

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They
must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated,
astounded.

"Yes," she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one."

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited
him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand
on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once
upon a time there was a really big red lobster..."

**** Quickies
 ****
"So, Quincy, how do you like your new mother?" a newly remarried father asks his little son.

"You know, Daddy," the boy replies sadly, "I think they fooled us; she doesn’t look new at all!"
~
What do you call a man who's lost 75 percent of his intelligence?

Divorced.
~
Setting a good example for the children takes all the fun out of middle age.
~
My boss is so mean, if you get in two minutes late he fines you and if you get in two minutes early he charges you rent.
~
Wife: "Honey, I think you love football more than me!"

Husband: "Well, uh, dear, but I love you more than hockey!"
~
Radio is a miraculous device which enables people who have nothing to say to talk to people who aren't listening.
~
Rain is something that, when you carry an umbrella, it doesn't.
~
Some people see things that are and ask, "Why?" Some people dream of things that never were and ask, "Why not?" Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
~
A scientist, showing slides of the Grand Canyon, explained, "It took two hundred million years to make this."

A man in the audience said, "Was it a government project?"
~
A good friend is one who can tell you all his problems -- but doesn't.
~
"They say the President has a great many supporters."

"That isn’t true. He can still walk by himself."
~
Yes, children are deductible, but they also can be taxing.
~
Animals are reliable, full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to.
~
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
 ~
A computer is perfectly reliable until the moment you seitch it on.
~
A bunch of salesmen went to the funeral of another salesman. They looked down at him in his coffin. "Gosh, he looks terible. What did he have?" "North Dakota, South Dakota, western Minnesota..."

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Poor Diabetes Control Tied To Cognitive Difficulty  

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Elderly diabetics with poor  
blood sugar control have a high prevalence of undiagnosed  
cognitive dysfunction, depression and functional  
disabilities, according to a study by researchers in  
Boston.  

Dr. Medha Munshi, of the Joslin Diabetes Center, and  
colleagues examined the association between cognitive  
dysfunction and blood sugar control in 60 diabetics older  
than age 70. These individuals had diabetes for an average  
of about 14 years and elevated hemoglobin A1C levels -- an  
indicator of poor blood sugar control.  

The mean HbA1C level was 7.9 percent. The American Diabetes  
Association recommends a target A1C level of 7.0 or lower.  

Several common tests were used to screen for cognitive  
dysfunction such as the Mini Mental State Examination and  
standard drawing tests. The subjects were also screened  
for depression and functional disability.  

Overall, the Mini Mental State Examination scores  
correlated with drawing test scores.  

More than a third had low scores on the drawing tests and  
these scores were inversely correlated with cognitive  
function. This suggests an association between cognitive  
dysfunction and poor blood sugar control, the researchers  
report in Diabetes Care.  

The 33 percent of subjects with depressive symptoms also  
had greater difficulty completing tasks of daily living.  

This population of older diabetics had a high incidence of  
functional disabilities. Overall, 48 percent had hearing  
impairments, 53 percent had vision impairments, 33 percent  
had recently fallen, and 44 percent were afraid of falling.  

No association was observed between depression scores and  
blood sugar control.  

In an interview with Reuters Health, Munshi said: "Elderly  
patients with diabetes require special and specific treat-  
ment plans. Elderly patients with diabetes should be  
screened for the presence of co-existing medical conditions  
like cognitive dysfunction, depression, and physical  
disabilities as these conditions may act as barriers to  
their ability to self-manage."  

Elderly diabetics, she added, may benefit from  
"modification of treatment modalities, focused education,  
nutrition counseling, and care coordination with the help  
of a multidisciplinary team."  

SOURCE: Diabetes Care August 2006.  

Copyright 2005 Reuters.  


Protein may increase risk of tumor  

ST. LOUIS, -- A protein that protects the body from tissue  
damage also increases the risk of tumors, according to St.  
Louis researchers. Researchers of the Washington University  
School of Medicine say moderate reduction of the protein  
level protects against tumor formation but increases  
susceptibility to tissue injury. Because of its protective  
function in the body, the protein potentially could be used  
to selectively shield cells from toxic therapies, according  
to senior author Dr. Steven J. Weintraub, an investigator  
with the Siteman Cancer Center at Washington University  
School of Medicine and Barnes-Jewish Hospital. "We earlier  
found that Bcl-xL helps the body's healthy cells survive  
the effects of toxic chemotherapeutic agents," says  
Weintraub. "This new study clearly demonstrates a trade-  
off by showing that normal levels of Bcl-xL encourage the  
growth of tumors in mice exposed to a carcinogen." The  
study is published in Oncogene's advance online publica-  
tion.   

   FAA urges air ambulances upgrade safety  

NEW YORK,  -- The Federal Aviation Administration has  
urged air ambulance companies to adopt better safety  
practices. Rescue helicopter crashes have killed 60  
people since 2000, USA Today said Thursday. An FAA  
notice sent to all of the nation's air ambulance com-  
panies suggests the companies set up safety programs  
that would help pilots decide whether to lift off in  
risky conditions. The notice aims to halt fatal mis-  
takes that have beset the industry, such as pilots  
flying into the ground during ill-advised rescue mis-  
sions or dispatchers sending out inexperienced crews  
in darkness and bad weather.   

German diabetes cases to double  

BERLIN, -- The number of Germans suffering from diabetes  
will double in the next five years, a study released this  
week finds. The study, composed by 100 leading German  
doctors and medical scientists, predicted that diseases  
such as diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, dementia and  
strokes will rise substantially in the next decade. "If  
the trend continues, we will not be able to finance our  
health-care system anymore," medical expert Karl  
Lauterbach told Thursday's edition of the German daily  
die Welt. The German government needs to invest more than  
the current 4 percent of health-care expenditures in the  
prevention of diseases, he said. Eighty percent of all  
diabetes and heart failure cases are preventable with a  
healthier lifestyle, he said.  



**** ON THIS DAY ****


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****


Up to Speed with Sorenson
Good pit strategy helps Target team nab 12th place at the Glen.
NASCAR report
Notes: Evernham says No. 19 team just wasn't getting it done.
Fantasy Insider
Albert: Biffle, Edwards are Ford tough as field heads to Michigan.

-17-

Ola Belle Reed, singer/songwriter/radio performer, born Lansing, NC 1916.

Wayne Raney, singer/songwriter/harmonica player, born Wolf Bayou, AR 1920.

Rita M. Cote Breau, of "Lone Pine & Betty Cody" born Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada 1921.

E. W. Bud Wendell born Akron, OH 1927. Former Opry manager inducted CMHF 1998.

Billy Strickland recorded "To Be With You" 1951.

Ralph Stanley seriously injured in a car wreck 1951.

Clyde Mody & Brown's Ferry Four recorded "I Need The Prayers" 1952.

Kevin Welch, singer/songwriter, born Los Angeles, CA 1955.

Charlie Rich's first SUN recording session in Memphis, 1958.

Jimmy Martin recorded "Hold To God's Unchanging Hand" 1960.

Charlie Walker joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967.

Jan Howard married Dr. Maurice Acree Jr. in Nashville, TN 1990.

Brooks & Dunn's first album, "Brand New Man," certified platinum 1992.

Garth Brooks released his Christmas album "Beyond The Season," 1992.

Koch Records released Johnny Dowd's "Pictures From Life's Other Side" 1999.

Keith Urban's single "Days Go By" was #1 2004.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
        
Jimmy Buffett Among Nashville Songwriters   
       Hall of Fame Nominees  

Jimmy Buffett is among five nominees being considered for  
induction into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame in  
the songwriter-artist category. Additionally, 10 composers  
have been nominated for two slots in the Hall of Fame's  
songwriter category for 2006. Joining Buffett in the song-  
writer-artist category are Arthur Alexander, J.J. Cale,  
John Hiatt and Tony Joe White. Alexander, who died in 1993,  
was a country-soul music pioneer whose songs were recorded  
by the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Elvis Presley.  
Nominees in the songwriter category include Pat Alger  
("The Thunder Rolls"), Larry Henley ("The Wind Beneath My  
Wings"), Mark James ("Suspicious Minds"), Mac McAnally  
("Old Flame"), Bob Morrison ("You Decorated My Life"),  
Gary Nicholson ("One More Last Chance"), Hugh Prestwood  
("The Song Remembers When"), Thom Schuyler ("16th Avenue"),  
John Scott Sherrill ("Nothin' but the Wheel") and Jim  
Weatherly ("Midnight Train to Georgia").
   



Darryl Worley and wife file for divorce



Wednesday, August 16, 2006
– Singer Darryl Worley and his wife of five years, Beverly, filed for divorce, Worley announced through a press release Wednesday.

Worley, who has a new disc coming out in September, said commented, "Beverly and I are still best of friends and I hope we will always be. Our lifestyles and occupations have taken their toll on our marriage over the past five years, but we still care for one another and will continue to do a lot of good work together to help many people in need. We ask that our family, friends and fans let us work through this difficult time in our own way, and everyone please respect our privacy. Beverly and I are doing okay and will handle this situation with honor and dignity."



Troy Gentry faces charges over bear hunt


Wednesday, August 16, 2006
– Troy Gentry of Montgomery Gentry pleaded not guilty Tuesday in Federal Court for the District of Minnesota in a 2004 incident involving killing a bear. Gentry pleaded not guilty to a charge of conspiring with a licensed commercial bear guide and the owner of a private game farm in Minnesota.

Gentry’s lawyer said in a prepared statement, “While up in a tree stand, Troy used a bow and arrow to kill a bear that was running free in a several-acre fenced area in the game farm.”

Reports said Gentry purchased a captive bear named Cubby for $4,650 from Greenly and killed the bear on Greenly’s property. The kill was registered with the state Department of Natural Resources as if it had been killed in the wild, a violation of the law. The government claims that a videotape of the bear’s death was edited to make it appear that Gentry shot the bear legally.

Lee Marvin Greenly, owner of a Sandstone, Minn., wildlife refuge that had wolves and bears on its 80 acres, also was charged in the alleged incident.

A jury trial is slated to begin in Duluth, Minn. Nov. 27. Gentry could face 5 years in jail and a $20,000 fine if found guilty.

”Troy is an avid environmentalist and hunter who supports and follows all game laws,” the statement said. “Before he killed the bear, he was told by the bear guide that it was proper and legal to kill the bear, which was not a tamed bear and was never in a pen or cage. Troy used his correct name on his Minnesota bear hunting license and never attempted to disguise his identity.”

”The allegation that the video of the bear shoot was edited for the purpose of mischaracterizing the circumstances of the bear shoot is false. The only editing done was to remove the ‘dead time’ from the video tape (more than 1 hour long) reducing the tape to about 15 minutes. The video was for Troy's personal use and was never intended to be and was not used commercially. The bear hide was shipped under Troy’s name to a taxidermist in Kentucky and prepared into a taxidermy mount.

”Troy is accused of knowingly and willfully conspiring to violate federal law by taking the bear and transporting its hide from Minnesota to Kentucky and later to Tennessee. Troy absolutely denies that he knowingly and willfully did anything illegal and is confident that he will be exonerated.”



Alison Krauss + Union Station grab 11 IBMA nominations


Tuesday, August 15, 2006
– Alison Krauss and Union Station took home 11 nominations from the International Bluegrass Music Association Tuesday including entertainer of the year, vocal group and instrumental group of the year.

Blue Highway received 10 nominations, while Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver and Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder each had 7. Rhonda Vincent & The Rage took home six.

Awards will be handed out in Nashville Sept. 28.

Krauss also was nominated for female vocalist, while band mate Dan Tyminski is a finalist for male vocalist and included, along with Barry Bales, among the many artists listed for Album of The Year for participation in the “Celebration of Life: Musicians Against Childhood Cancer” project.

Union Station Dobroist Jerry Douglas was recognized for work on two separate Instrumental Album of the Year nominated projects including his solo album, “The Best Kept Secret” along with nods for Recorded Event of the Year and Dobro Player of the Year (a nomination he’s never failed to receive since the inception of the IBMA Awards). Longtime AKUS member Ron Block was also recognized in the Banjo Player of the Year category. Blue Highway received nominations for Vocal Group, Song, Gospel and Instrumental Group of the Year. They’re also nominated for two different Album of the Year projects, including their 2005 release “Marbletown.“ Rob Ickes earned nominations in the Instrumental Album and Recorded Event of the Year for his “3 Ring Circle” album with Dave Pomeroy and Andy Leftwich. He is also singled out in the Dobro Player of the Year category.

Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver earned their ninth nod for Entertainer of the Year plus the Gospel Recorded Performance, Song and Album categories and Vocal Group of the Year, an award they received each of the last five years. Band member Terry Baucom is a finalist for Banjo Player of the Year, while Lawson is up for Mandolin Player of the Year.

Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder received Instrumental Group of the Year, an award they’ve taken seven straight years. Individual nominations included Skaggs in the Instrumental Album and Recorded Event of the Year for his role on “Not Too Far From the Tree - A Collection of Guitar Duets with Heroes & Friends”; Jim Mills was nominated for his solo project, “Hide Head Blues” in the Instrumental Album and Best Liner Notes categories along with Banjo Player of the Year; and Andy Leftwich for the “3 Ring Circle” project in the Recorded Event and Instrumental Album categories.

Vincent and band were nominated for Entertainer of the Year, which they took home in 2001. The group is also included in the Vocal Group and Album categories. Vincent was singled out in the Female Vocalist category, an award she has received six years in a row. Band member Hunter Berry is a finalist for Fiddle Player, and Josh Williams is a nominee for Guitar Player of the Year.

2005 Entertainer of the Year, Cherryholmes took home 5 nominations. Once again among the candidates in the Entertainer Category, they are also included in the Song, Gospel and on two separate Album of the Year projects, the self-titled “Cherryholmes” and for their participation in the “Celebration of Life: Musicians Against Childhood Cancer“ project.

Nominations were:

Entertainer of the Year
Cherryholmes
The Grascals
Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver
The Del McCoury Band
Rhonda Vincent & The Rage

Vocal Group of the Year
Blue Highway
The Grascals
Alison Krauss & Union Station
Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver
Rhonda Vincent & The Rage

Instrumental Group of the Year
Blue Highway
Alison Krauss & Union Station
The Del McCoury Band
Mountain Heart
Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder

Male Vocalist of the Year
Ronnie Bowman
Russell Moore
Tim O’Brien
Marty Raybon
Larry Sparks
Dan Tyminski

Female Vocalist of the Year
Dale Ann Bradley
Sonya Isaacs
Alison Krauss
Claire Lynch
Rhonda Vincent

Song of the Year, Song Title, Artist (s), Songwriter(s)
”Brand New Heartache,” Cherryholmes (artists), Cia Leigh Cherryholmes (writer)
“He Lives In Me,” Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver (artist), Frances P. Simpson (writer)
“Look Down That Lonesome Road,” Tim O’Brien (artist), Tim O’Brien (writer)
“Marbletown,” Blue Highway (artists), Mark Knopfler (writer)
“Train Long Gone,” Claire Lynch (artist), Dennis Linde (writer)

Album of the Year, Recording Title, Artist(s), Label, Producer
Celebration of Life: Musicians Against Childhood Cancer, featuring 3 Fox Drive, Lonesome River Band, Seldom Scene, Rhonda Vincent & The Rage, Cherryholmes, J.D. Crowe & The New South, BlueRidge, IIIrd Tyme Out, James King Band, Larry Cordle, Wayne Benson, Clay Hess, Greg Luck, Aubrey Haynie, Marty Raybon & Full Circle, Tony Rice, Ronnie Bowman & The Committee, Larry Stephenson Band, Blue Highway, Gena Britt, Randy Kohrs & The Lites, Steve Thomas, Scott Vestal, David Parmley & Continental Divide, Karl Shiflett & the Big Country Show, Kenny & Amanda Smith, Wildfire, Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver, Lost & Found, The Grascals, Alecia Nugent, Carl Jackson, Jerry Salley, Don Rigsby & Midnight Call, Bradley Walker, Dan Tyminski, Bela Fleck & Barry Bales (artists), Skaggs Family Records (label), Bob Kelley (producer)
Cherryholmes, Cherryholmes (artists), Skaggs Family Records (label), Ben Isaacs (producer)
Cornbread Nation, Tim O’Brien (artist/producer), Sugar Hill Records (label)
Let ‘Er Go, Boys, Michael Cleveland (artist), Rounder Records (label), Jeff White & Michael Cleveland (producers)
Marbletown, Blue Highway (artists), Rounder Records (label), Scott Rouse (producer)

Instrumental Album of the Year, Recording Title, Artist(s), Label, Producer
"The Best Kept Secret," Jerry Douglas (artist/producer), Koch Records (label)
"Hide Head Blues," Jim Mills (artist/producer), Sugar Hill Records (label)
"Let ‘Er Go, Boys," Michael Cleveland (artist), Rounder Records (label), Jeff White & Michael Cleveland (producer)
"Not Too Far From the Tree: A Collection Of Guitar Duets with Heroes & Friends," Bryan Sutton with Russ Barenberg, Norman Blake, Dan Crary, Jerry Douglas, David Grier, Jack Lawrence, Tony Rice, Earl Scruggs, George Shuffler, Ricky Skaggs, Jerry Sutton & Doc Watson (artists), Sugar Hill Records (label), Bryan Sutton (producer)
"Three Ring Circle," Rob Ickes, Andy Leftwich & Dave Pomeroy (artists/producers), Earwave Records (label)

Recorded Event of the Year, Recording Title, Artist(s), Label, Producer
"Back to the Well," The Daughters of Bluegrass featuring: Lorraine Jordan, Gena Britt, Julie Elkins, Becky Buller, Vickie Simmons, Frances Mooney, Mindy Rakestraw, Jeanette Williams, Beth Lawrence, Angela Oudean, Michelle Nixon, Donica Christensen, Dale Ann Bradley, Heather Berry, Megan McCormick, Valerie Smith, Louisa Branscomb & Dixie Hall (artists), Blue Circle Records (label), Lorraine Jordan & Dale Perry (producers) "Down In Caroline," Curly Seckler with Kent Blanton, George Buckner, John Carter Cash, Laura Weber Cash, Dudley Connell, Rob Ickes, Josh McMurray, Russell Moore, Larry Perkins, Andrea Roberts, Chris Sharp, Herschel Sizemore, Kevin Sluder, Larry Sparks, Tater Tate, LeRoy Troy & Doc Watson (artists), Copper Creek Records (label), Larry Perkins & Penny Parsons (producers)
"Not Too Far From the Tree: A Collection Of Guitar Duets with Heroes & Friends," Bryan Sutton with Russ Barenberg, Norman Blake, Dan Crary, Jerry Douglas, David Grier, Jack Lawrence, Tony Rice, Earl Scruggs, George Shuffler, Ricky Skaggs, Jerry Sutton & Doc Watson (artists), Sugar Hill Records (label), Bryan Sutton (producer)
"Stomp," Mike Compton & David Long (artists), Acoustic Disc (label), David Grisman (producer)
"Three Ring Circle," Rob Ickes, Andy Leftwich & Dave Pomeroy (artists/producers), Earwave Records (label)

Gospel Recorded Performance of the Year, Recording Title, Artist(s), Label, Producer
"Gettin’ Ready," BlueRidge (artists), Pinecastle Records (label), BlueRidge & Wes Easter (producers)
“He Goes To Church,” Cherryholmes (artists), Skaggs Family Records (label), Ben Isaacs (producer)
"He Lives In Me," Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver (artists), Crossroads (label), Doyle Lawson (producer)
“Lazarus,” Blue Highway (artists), Rounder Records (label), Scott Rouse (producer)
"When The Morning Comes," Paul Williams & The Victory Trio (artists), Rebel Records (label), Paul Williams (producer)

Emerging Artist of the Year
3 Fox Drive
Audie Blaylock & Redline
Blue Moon Rising
Michael Cleveland & Flamekeeper
Steep Canyon Rangers

Instrumental Performers of the Year
Banjo
Terry Baucom
Ron Block
J.D. Crowe
Jim Mills
Sammy Shelor

Bass
Barry Bales
Mike Bub
Jason Moore
Missy Raines
Marshall Wilborn

Fiddle
Hunter Berry
Jason Carter
Michael Cleveland
Stuart Duncan
Ron Stewart

Dobro
Mike Auldridge
Jerry Douglas
Rob Ickes
Randy Kohrs
Phil Leadbetter

Guitar
Jim Hurst
Tony Rice
Kenny Smith
Bryan Sutton
Josh Williams

Mandolin
Sam Bush
Mike Compton
Doyle Lawson
Ronnie McCoury
Adam Steffey

Bluegrass Broadcaster of the Year

Kyle Cantrell; XM Satellite; Nashville, Tenn.
Terry Herd; Bluegrass Radio Network; Nashville, Tenn.
Red Shipley; bluegrasscountry.org, WAMU-FM; Washington, D.C.

Bluegrass Event of the Year

26th Annual Bluegrass & Chili Festival; Claremore, Okla.; September, 2005
21st Annual Joe Val Bluegrass Festival, produced by the Boston Bluegrass Union; Framingham, Mass.; February, 2006
Florida State Bluegrass Festival; Perry, Fla.; April, 2005

Best Graphic Design for Recorded Project
Elevation Creative Studios (designers), Generations, by The New Kentucky String Ticklers, Gennett Records
Spencer Walts, Eyewerks Studio & Sarah Lainie Smith (designers); She Waits for Night; by Uncle Earl; Rounder Records
Heather & G. Carr (designers), The Official O’Brien Family CD & Board Game, by The O’Brien Family, O'Brien Family Band

Best Liner Notes for Recorded Project
Jim Mills (liner notes), Hide Head Blues, by Jim Mills, Sugar Hill Records
Gary B. Reid (liner notes); The Stanley Brothers, Earliest Recordings—The Complete Rich-R-Tone 78s (1947-1952); by The Stanley Brothers; Rounder Records
Tom Adams (liner notes); Let ’Er Go, Boys; by Michael Cleveland; Rounder Records

Print Media Person of the Year
Dan Miller, editor of Flatpicking Guitar magazine
Chris Stuart, freelance writer for Bluegrass Unlimited & Bluegrass Now
Bob Black, author of Come Hither to Go Yonder: Playing Bluegrass with Bill Monroe





**** Amy's Kitchen ****  


CHICKEN FRIED CHICKEN  

30 saltine crackers  
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour  
2 tablespoons dry potato flakes  
1 teaspoon seasoned salt  
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper  
1 egg  
1/4 cup vegetable oil  
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves  


DIRECTIONS:  
1. Place crackers in a large resealable plastic bag; seal  
 bag and crush crackers until they are coarse crumbs. Add  
 flour, potato flakes, seasoned salt, and pepper to bag  
 and mix well.  
2. Beat egg in a shallow dish or bowl; heat oil in a large  

 skillet over medium high heat.  
3. One by one, dredge chicken pieces in egg beat, then  
 place in bag with crumb mixture, seal bag and shake to  
 coat.  
4. Reduce heat to medium and cook coated chicken in skillet  
 for 15 to 20 minutes, turning frequently, until golden  
 brown and juices run clear.  

Yield: 6 servings
.  




**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is it true that catching a cold has nothing to do with being out in the cold?

Yes. A cold is a viral disease. It is passed from one person to the next, usually by way of airborne droplets from a sneeze. You can also pick it up if your hands are dirty (with the virus) and you touch your eyes or nose. Catching a cold has nothing to do with the temperature outside, or whether or not your hair is wet. Colds are common during winter because people are living and working in close quarters. It's chilly out there, so people tend to stay indoors. Proximity also makes schools, offices, and airplanes "great" places to catch a cold.

Complicating matters, if you catch a cold, you're contagious before you even know it. People are usually contagious about a day before the illness breaks, and a few days after they feel better. Plus, there are over 200 viruses that can cause a cold, and they're constantly mutating.

So what's the best way to avoid one? Steer clear of crowded places, wash your hands, keep your fingers out of your face (a good idea at all times, actually), and make sure your ventilation system is up to snuff. But the main thing is to keep those hands scrubbed.




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

"A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses."



LAST CALL Y'ALL


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