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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August23, 2006



 

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG

Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser


WEDNESDAY AUGUST 23,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good memories


I met an acquaintance whom I hadn't seen for quite a number of years. I remembered her as an emphatically single woman after an unpleasant divorce, but to my surprise she was sporting a new wedding ring. When I congratulated her, she related an incident from the wedding. Her nephew had travelled over 1,000 miles to attend. When she told him how delighted she was that he came, he said, "Auntie, I had to see what it looked like when hell froze over."

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While attending university, I visited my uncle and his wife for a weekend. We attended their small country church oN Sunday morning, and the first hymn was one we often sang in my home church. As soon as the organist struck the first note, I began to sing in lusty tones. But the whole congregation seemed to falter. To help them along, I sang even louder. Eventually the organist got it right and everyone began to join in. On the way home, I remarked that I found it strange that the congregation didn't seem to know the hymn. "Oh, we know it," my uncle said, "but we usually sing it to a different tune."
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    Bi
lly, did you take my car out last night?"

"I went for a spin with a couple of the guys."

"Well, tell them I found two of their lipsticks!"
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"Someone once asked Albert Einstein how many feet were in a mile. 'I don't know,' he replied, 'Why should I fill my head with things like that when I could look them up in any reference book in two minutes?'"
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Drought in South Texas...This is how dry it is...

The Baptists have started sprinkling,

The Methodists are using a wet wash cloth,

The Presbyterians are giving rain checks and,

The Catholics are turning wine back in to water.

Now friends, that is DRY.
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A viola player came home late at night to find police cars and fire trucks outside his house. The chief of police intercepted him.

"I'm afraid I have terrible news for you. While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family and burned your house down."

The viola player was stunned. "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

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A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121."

Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand."

"Oh, nothing's the matter," the page said. "I just don't know how to dial a capital four!"

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Max Planck was made a full professor at the University of Berlin at an unusually early age. One day, having forgotten which room he had been assigned for a lecture, he stopped at the nearest university office to find out. "Please tell me," he asked the elderly man in charge, "in which room does Professor Planck lecture today?" The old man patted him on the shoulder. "Don't go there, young fellow," he advised. "You are much too young to understand the lectures of our learned Professor Planck!"

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It would take more than 24 hours for all of the Coca-Cola ever produced to flow over Niagara Falls. - NOW THAT IS A LOT OF COKE!!!!

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The best things you can give children, next to good habits, are good memories.

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After spending the day raking leaves, Jason summoned his three- year-old son Cody outside. They jumped into the piles and threw leaves at each other and had a ball. "Some day when you are a big boy, you can help me rake all day so we can play in the leaves." Jason said.

Cody thought for a moment and said, "Can't I just stay a little boy?"

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"Did you hear about these guys that were lost at sea for nine months? They were found and rescued. The first thing they said when they got to shore was, 'Mel Gibson said what?!'" --David Letterman

"On some flights the only thing airlines are letting you take on are a passport and cash. The passport, of course, for identification and the cash, so they can sell you a bottle of water for $20." --Jay Leno

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Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharoah's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannnn...)

Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.

P.S. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? It's in the Bible; it says, "Hebrews."

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When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.

"Oh, you're 4," said the teacher. "And when will you be 5?"

The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, "When I hold up the other finger."

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A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.

"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.

The boy thought for a moment and answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there."

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While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there. His two month old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital.

I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. "Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?" he asked.

When I answered yes, he told me, "It says here that you turn blue when you cry."

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So, Adam, how do you like your new mother?" a recently remarried father asks his little son.

"You know, Daddy," the boy replies sadly, "I think you got fooled; she doesn’t look new at all!"

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It is not what teenagers know that bothers parents. It's how they found out.
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Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, "No, Johnny, you can't eat that now it has germs."

Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, "Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus - that's all I ever hear about and I haven't seen one of 'em yet!"

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"Did you hear about these guys that were lost at sea for nine  
months? They were found and rescued. The first thing they  
said when they got to shore was, 'Mel Gibson said what?!'"  
 --David Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In a sign of how troubled our world is right now, this year,  
President Bush decided he's only doing a ten-day vacation at  
his Crawford ranch which, really, why even bother at that  
point?" --Jon Stewart   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my older brother was very young, he always walked up  
to the church altar with my mother when she took communion.  

On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does  
the priest say when he gives you the bread?"  

Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock, years  
later, when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be  
quiet until you get to your seat."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"NASA lost the original film of the moon landing. Did you  
hear about this? Well, you know, in their defense, they're  
not exactly rocket scientists." --David Letterman   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After spending the day raking leaves, Jason summoned his three- year-old son Cody outside. They jumped into the piles and threw leaves at each other and had a ball. "Some day when you are a big boy, you can help me rake all day so we can play in the leaves." Jason said.

Cody thought for a moment and said, "Can't I just stay a little boy?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jimmy Kimmel couldn't believe it, "Historians just found a  
document that showed a list of liquor George Washington  
wanted for his New York headquarters, including a keg of  
brandy, a box of claret, a box of fortified wine, a basket  
of cordials and two kinds of cheese," he said on 'Jimmy  
Kimmel Live.' "So not only was George Washington the father  
of our country, he also invented the mini-bar."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand  
when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were.  

"Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium,  
ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked  
ones," I answered.  

"All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed  
by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital  
fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all  
but ignored for the next half-hour.  

Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled,  
"Please help me!"  

"Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly 


 

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the line-ups at the supermarket get too long, the senior cashier uses the public-address system to call the stock clerks, all men, to the front to help out. One day Candice, a new cashier, realized her line-up was getting long and asked if she could call the clerks for help. Told she could, she picked up the microphone and to the delight of the patrons, announced, "All available men to the front, please!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121."

Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand."

"Oh, nothing's the matter," the page said. "I just don't know how to dial a capital four!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day while visiting one of his restaurants, Toots Shor found himself in conversation with Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of penicillin. Some time later, Shor was informed by a waiter that Mel Ott, the manager of the New York Giants, had just come in. "Excuse me, but I gotta leave you," Shor declared, turning to Fleming. "Somebody important just came in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


**** Quickies
 ****

"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you  
let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts  
never do." --P.J. O'Rourke
~
It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
~
"Billy, did you take my car out last night?"

"I went for a spin with a couple of the guys."

"Well, tell them I found two of their lipsticks!"
~
Someone once asked Albert Einstein how many feet were in a mile. 'I don't know,' he replied, 'Why should I fill my head with things like that when I could look them up in any reference book in two minutes?'"
~
Physicist James Franck was among the professors who examined the twenty-three-year-old Robert Oppenheimer for his doctorate at Gottingen University. Upon emerging from the oral examination, Franck appeared somewhat shaken. "I got out of there just in time," the professor explained. "He was beginning to ask me questions!"
~
Drought in South Texas...This is how dry it is...

The Baptists have started sprinkling,

The Methodists are using a wet wash cloth,

The Presbyterians are giving rain checks and,

The Catholics are turning wine back in to water.

Now friends, that is DRY.
~
I'm reading a terrifically interesting book about anti-gravity--- I just can't put it down.

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

  Progress reported on spinal cord repair  

CLEVELAND, -- Neuroscience researchers from several U.S.  
universities report they recently bypassed a roadblock in  
spinal cord repair. When an injury occurs in the spine,  
the body's defense is to build a scar to prevent further  
injury. However, the scar also stops all neural traffic  
from moving, leading to paralysis. Researchers from Drexel  
University, University of Arkansas and Case Western Reserve  
University said they found a way around the obstacle, Case  
Western Reserve's Science Daily reported. The researchers  
regenerated the severed nerve fibers around the initial  
lesion by taking a peripheral nerve from the leg of the  
same animal with the spine injury. They then jump-started  
neural traffic by allowing the nerve fibers to exit. This  
was accomplished by using an enzyme that stopped molecules  
that inhibit growth, allowing the nerve fibers to reconnect  
with the spinal cord. The breakthrough could mean a bright  
future for the aid of paraplegics and quadriplegics Science  
Daily said.   

AFTER LONG-TERM PLACEMENT, MORE STRESS  

Some caregivers think their stress will drop once an elderly  
relative is placed in a long term facility, but they actually  
suffer more emotional trauma. The University of Pittsburgh  
study is the first to provide a comprehensive analysis of the  
emotional turmoil caregivers experience in placing a loved  
one with dementia in a long-term care facility. "Caregivers  
have to face new challenges such as frequent trips to the  
long-term care facility, reduced control over the care pro-  
vided to their relative, and taking on responsibilities such  
as coordinating and monitoring care," says study leader  
Richard Schulz. "This study shows that we need to help care-  
givers who place their relatives." The findings appear in  
Journal of the American Medical Association.   

NEW TONSILLECTOMY TECHNIQUE  

Dr. Glenn Isaacson, of Temple University Children's Medical  
Center in Philadelphia, says surgeons are offering a less-  
invasive tonsillectomy. "The new technique removes only the  
tonsil and not the surrounding tissue, leaving a smaller hole  
where the tonsil was and, therefore, less pain for the patient  
post-surgery," Isaacson, chairman of Otolaryngology/Head and  
Neck Surgery at Temple, says in a statement. "The bipolar  
electrosurgical scissors used in the operation cut the tonsil  
and also stop the blood flow at the same time, which allows  
us much more control and less bleeding during the operation."  
By creating a smaller hole where the tonsil was, and cutting  
the blood loss, patients are able to recover quicker and with  
less pain, according to Isaacson.  



**** ON THIS DAY ****


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

 
NASCAR hit with lawsuit
Former crewman says he was promised job after racial prank.
Edwards fined $20,000
NASCAR also places him on probation for hitting Junior's car.
Force flies to division lead
Funny Car ace overtakes Capps; Kalitta also rules in Memphis.
 
 

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-22-

Rod Brasfield born "Rodney Leon Brasfield" in Smithville, MS 1910.

Doyle Blackwood of "The Blackwood Brothers" born Ackerman, MS 1911.

Connie B. Gray, born Lizard Lick, NC 1914. Connie was the first President of the CMA. Elected CMHF 1980.

Dale Hawkins, Rockabilly singer/guitarist/songwriter, wrote and recorded "Suzie Q" born Goldmine, LA 1938. Inducted Rockabilly Hall of Fame.

Sam Neely, born Cuero, TX 1948.

Marian Leighton-Levy, one of the founders of Rounder Records, born Harrington, ME 1948.

Pee Wee King recorded "Deck Of Cards" 1953.

Goldie Hill made a guest appearance on the Grand Ole Opry 1953.

Elvis began filming his first movie, "Love Me Tender" 1956.

Holly Dunn born San Antonio, TX 1957.

Collin Raye "Floyd Collin Wray," singer/songwriter/guitarist, born De Queen, AR 1959.

Johnny Bond's single "Hot Rod Lincoln" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1960.

Ricky Lynn Gregg, born Longview, TX 1961.

Mila Mason born Murray, KY 1963.

George Jones became Tammy Wynette's third husband 1968.

Johnny Cash played Gdansk, Poland 1987.

Roy Clark joined the Grand Ole Opry 1987.

O.V. "Mooney" Lynn Jr., Loretta Lynn's husband, died 1996. Loretta married Mooney when she was thirteen years old.

Jo Dee Messina's single "I'm Alright" charted 1998.

LeAnn Rimes released "Can't Fight The Moonlight," 2002.

Floyd Tillman, age 88, died at his home in Bacliff, Texas 2003.

-23-

Wendell Hall, 1920's recording artist "It Ain't Gonna Rain No Mo'" born St. George, KS 1896.

Tex Williams singer/actor/guitarist, born Ramsey, IL 1917.

Leslie York of "The York Brothers" born Louisa, KY 1917.

Smiley Wilson "Louisiana Hayride" born Etowah County, AL 1922.

Jack Earls, Sun recording artist, born Woodbury, TN 1932.

Little Jimmy Dempsey born Atlanta, GA 1937.

Rex Allen Jr. singer/songwriter, born Chicago, IL 1947.

Eddy Arnold's single "I'll Hold You In My Heart" charted 1947. This record became the biggest hit of Eddy's career.

"Woody" Paul Chrisman "Riders In The Sky," born Nashville, TN 1949.

The Louvin Brothers recorded "Seven Year Blues" 1949.

Kitty Wells' "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels," became the First #1 hit by a female artist in Country Music history 1952. The Grand Ole Opry management refused to let Kitty sing the song on the Opry, and NBC banned the song on their radio network because it was too "suggestive."

Johnny Bond recorded "Let Me Go Devil" 1953.

Milton Estes, age 49, Grand Ole Opry member, died 1963.

Glen Campbell's "True Grit" from the movie sound track, charted 1969.

Donna Fargo received a gold record for "The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A." 1972.

Waylon Jennings' "Theme from The Dukes of Hazzard (Good Ol' Boys)" debuted on the charts 1980.

Garth Brooks released "In Pieces," 1993.

The Bill Monroe Foundation dedicated the newly restored childhood home of the late Bill Monroe, in Rosine, Kentucky in 2001.

Trace Adkins joined the Grand Ole Opry 2003.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

 

  Keith Urban makes history
Monday, August 21, 2006 – Keith Urban's "Once In A Lifetime," the first release from his forthcoming as of yet untitled fourth studio album, made history today by debuting in 17th on the Billboard Hot Country Song Chart.

According to the trade publication, the song became the highest debuting single in the 62-year history of that chart, outpacing two previous singles, both of which debuted at 18.

Capitol Nashville has indicated the disc would be out in November.



McGraw, Hill go private
Monday, August 21, 2006 – Aug. 21, 2006: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill apparently couldn't get enough music out of their system Friday night at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. After playing a sold-out show (all three LA shows were sold out), the couple hosted a “Bread & Water” show at the Whisky on Sunset.

The club was filled with a standing room only crowd at 12:30 a.m. as McGraw kicked off the show before the band and crew were even ready. He grabbed a guitar and broke into several country classics. Songs performed varied from covers to new music from McGraw’s next studio album.

Among them, Tom Petty’s “Breakdown,” “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Suspicious Minds” and new tune “The River and Me.” Hill performed Aretha Franklin’s “Think” and “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”

Shortly thereafter, Reba McEntire joined Hill on stage for the Everly Brothers classic “When Will I Be Loved” and “Does He Love You” with McGraw sandwiched between them. McEntire offered Hill her first major tour opportunity when she was just breaking as a new artist.

Both Hill and McGraw’s bands participated.

McGraw has hosted other “Bread & Water” shows during previous tours, but Friday night’s performance was its first in three years. “Bread & Water” shows are rare, small-club performances that allow McGraw, Hill and band to perform material of their own choosing, mostly cover songs from the '70s and '80s along with country classics. These intimate concerts are announced the morning of the “Bread & Water” via radio, print and or the internet.

Proceeds from this “Bread & Water” show will benefit the Neighbors Keeper Foundation for Katrina related efforts.



 
 Tim and Faith greet 1 millionth fan
Sunday, August 20, 2006 – When doors opened Friday night for the second night of a three-day sold-out run at Los Angeles’ Staples Center, Christine Nevins got more than just a concert from Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.

As the holder of the 1 millionth ticket to go through turnstiles since the Soul2Soul II Tour started April 21, Christine and her husband, Eric, were whisked away to a private meeting with McGraw and Hill. But they got even more than that. They soon received a Hershey, XM Satellite Radio-filled, brand new, Dodge Charger courtesy of Huntington Beach Dodge.

“I cannot believe this!” said Christine upon receiving her prizes. “This car is mine," she told her husband, and "nobody is driving it but me,” she added immediately after the singing stars autographed the inside driver’s side door.

Christine (39) and Eric (42) Nevins live in Oak Hills, Cal. Eric has been a police officer, going on his 20th year on the job, and currently works for the County of Riverside, while Christine is a restaurant manager for Johnny Carinos in Victorville, Cal.

The tour concludes Sept. 3 in Las Vegas after 74 shows in 56 cities across America.




  
Gentry manager offers defense

Friday, August 18, 2006 – Troy Gentry's manager defended the singer Friday in a press release, accusing the press of giving inaccurate information about the case involving the shooting of a bear in Minnesota two years ago.

Gentry was indicted by a U.S. federal court in Duluth, Minn., charged with conspiring with a licensed commercial bear guide and the owner of a private game farm in Minnesota. He pleaded not guilty. A trial is set for Nov. 27.

Johnny Dorris, Montgomery Gentry's manager, said on the band's web site, "Unfortunately, the false accusations made against Troy in the indictment have been reported in the media as a statement of fact."

"These charges are very serious, and the potential penalties are very severe," Dorris said. Gentry faces a $20,000 fine and five years in jail. Dorris said Gentry hired "the best trial lawyer" in Minnesota. he also said Gentry was advised not to make any statement about the facts of the case.

"Since Troy cannot speak for himself, I feel it is important to give you some perspective on this case that has not yet been reported in the media. Troy is accused of conspiring with a professional hunting guide to improperly fill out a hunting tag. To back up this charge, the indictment claims that Troy shot a tamed bear in a cage, then made a video to appear that he did not shoot the bear in a cage, but in the wild. These claims are wildly inaccurate."

"The bear in question was never in a cage or pen; not when it was killed or at anytime prior to that. This wild bear occupied its own habitat (consisting of several acres of woodlands) on a game preserve owned by the codefendant. Troy shot the bear with a bow and arrow from a tree stand mounted on the private game preserve. Troy did video tape this hunt for his personal use, but did not edit it to make it appear anything other than what it was. He did not distribute the video for commercial use or intend to use it to mislead anyone."

"Troy is an avid environmentalist and hunter who supports and follows all game laws. Before he killed the bear he was told by the bear guide that it was proper and legal to kill the bear which again was not a tamed bear and was never in a pen or cage. Troy reported the kill to the wildlife authorities and tagged the bear per the guidance of his professional guide. This all occurred in October 2004."

"Troy is disheartened that he has been falsely accused, and looks forward to speaking with the US Attorney's handling this case. A press release regarding the indictment was serviced to the media by the US Attorney's office in Minneapolis immediately following the arraignment. Although they were aware of Troy's legal counsel, they did not include his contact information in their press release as is customary. Thus the media ran with the false information on Tuesday evening without contacting anyone on Troy's behalf."

"The result is that Troy has been convicted in the court of public opinion without fair representation. A true travesty of justice for a guy who truly loves God's creation, treats it with respect, and obeys the laws designed to preserve and maximize its splendor."

"Please continue to support Troy and Montgomery Gentry in this time of crisis."





**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Strawberry Carrot Cake

2-1/2 cups all purpose flour
1-1/4 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup carrots, finely shredded
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup yogurt; low fat, plain
1/3 cup water
1/2 cup pecans, chopped
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup strawberries, finely chopped

Preheat oven to 350?. Grease and flour 12 cup Bundt cake pan. Beat
all ingredients except strawberries in a large bowl on low speed for 45
seconds, scraping bowl, constantly. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes,
scraping occasionally. Fold in strawberries; pour into prepared pan.
Bake 45 to 55 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes
out clean. Cool 5 minutes; remove from pan. Cool completely on a wire
rack.

Strawberry Cream Cheese Glaze
2 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 tablespoon mashed strawberries
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup powdered sugar

Beat cream cheese, mashed strawberries and vanilla in small bowl on low
speed until blended. Gradually beat in powdered sugar until blended.
Spoon over cake.





**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How is coffee decaffeinated?

For most coffee beans, it begins with a nice, long soak. This submersion draws the caffeine from its beans, leaving us with a bushel of decaffeinated java seeds ready to be roasted, brewed, and slurped down. But hold that cup of joe. This tastes like sludge!

The caffeine isn't the only thing lured from the beans during their decaffeinating bath. The coffee's flavor also seizes that moment to beat a hasty escape. So brewers need to coax the coffee's good taste back. We'll lay out the three primary methods of maintaining taste while separating a bean from its caffeine...

In one practice, the beans' post-soak water is mixed with a solvent that separates the caffeine from the liquid. Alternatively, the caffeinated water can be forced through activated charcoal or carbon filters, which also separates the caffeine from the solution. After either method, the coffee beans are re-submerged in the now-totally-caffeine-free watery extract where (hopefully) they reabsorb their flavor.

Another method that immerses the beans in one heck of a strong steam bath, and then dunks them in carbon dioxide. The CO2 scares the caffeine away, but keeps the beans' taste intact.

So, how successful are these processes? To be called "decaffeinated," caffeine levels must remain below 2.5 percent. And that dictate has the long arm of the law behind it. So bring on the big mug of soy-mocha-latte-ccino -- and make it a decaf.




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

A grandmother is a person with too much wisdom to let that stop her from making a fool of herself over her grandchildren.



LAST CALL Y'ALL

I met an acquaintance whom I hadn't seen for quite a number of years. I remembered her as an emphatically single woman after an unpleasant divorce, but to my surprise she was sporting a new wedding ring. When I congratulated her, she related an incident from the wedding. Her nephew had travelled over 1,000 miles to attend. When she told him how delighted she was that he came, he said, "Auntie, I had to see what it looked like when hell froze over."



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