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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.  Welcome to The Funnies "Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG Welcome New
Subscribers WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 6,2006
At one home while I was making my rounds as a
visiting nurse, I asked the father of my five-year-old patient if the child was
eating and drinking well. Because the father spoke little English, we conversed
using a lot of gestures. He smiled and nodded. Thinking we had understood each
other. I completed the examination. When I returned to the living room, coffee
and cake awaited
me.
Hardware: the parts of a computer system that can
be kicked. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
folks. If you're under 40,you may wish to skip it.
Or, just for the fun of it, see if you can recall
any of the items listed. Give it a try ... and if you want to
test friends or family, pass this on. It
is a good memory jogger.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
DO YOU REMEMBER THESE???
Saturday morning serials chapters 1 through 15
(Green Lantern)
Fly paper, penny loafers, Lucky Strike
Green
Flat tops, sock hops, Studebaker, Pepsi please
Ah, do you remember these
Cigar bands on your hand, your daddy’s socks rolled
down
Six snow floats, and aviator caps with flaps that button
down
Movie stars on Dixie Cup tops and knickers to your
knees
streetcars, bus tokens, and cab drivers who actually opened
the doors for you,
Ah, do you remember these
The hit parade, Grape Tru-Ade, The Sadie Hawkins
Dance
Pedal pushers, duck tail hair, and peggin’ your
pants
Howdy Doody, Tutti-Frutti, the seam up the back of her
hose
Ah, do you remember those
James Dean, he was keen, Sunday movies were
taboo
The Senior Prom, Judy’s mom, rock and roll was
new
Cracker Jack prize, stars in your eyes, ask daddy for the
keys
Ah, do you remember these
The boogey man, lemonade stand, and takin’ your tonsils
out
(that boogey man scares me today!)
Indian burn,, and wait your turn, and four foul balls you’re
out
Cigarette loads, and secret codes, and savin’ lucky
stars
Can you remember back that far
The boat neck shirts, and fender skirts, and crinoline
petticoats
Mum’s the word, and a dirty bird, and a double root beer
float
Moon hub caps, and loud heel taps, and he’s a real gone
cat
Ah, do you remember that
Dancin’ close, little moron jokes, and cooties in her
hair
Captain Midnight, Ovaltine, and The Whip at the County
Fair
Charles Atlas Course, Roy Roger’s Horse, and only The Shadow
knows
Ah, do you remember those
Burma Shave Signs, 3? newspapers, penny candy, TV test
patterns
The 5? Hershey Bar, first elevator ride, first TV set, and
knobs on steering wheels?
Gable’s charm, Frog in your arm, loud mufflers, pitchin’
woo
Going steady, Veronica and Betty, white bucks, and Blue Suede
Shoes
Knock Knock jokes, and who’s there; Dewey, Dewey
who???
Just a little trip down memory lane ... just for the fun of
it!!!
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Quotes from Federal Employee Evaluations I would not allow this employee to breed.
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom
and has started to dig."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more
of a definite won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like
a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot
puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot."
"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better."
"Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it
all together."
"A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"He would argue with a sign post."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
"When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."
If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
other one.
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
other one."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued
on."
(More to come....)
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was
a strong smell liquor on her breath. He said, “I’m going to give you a
breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” She
blew up the balloon and he walked back to the police car.
After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, “It looks
like you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.” She replied, “You mean it shows that,
too?”
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,”
he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year now. You started off in the
mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month
after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just
four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it’s ime for
me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.
What do you say to that?”
“Thanks,” said the employee.
“Thanks?” the boss replied “Is that all you can
say?”
“I suppose not,” the employee said.
“Thanks, Dad.” he added.
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A big-city boy visiting his cousin in the Florida Everglades
was touring some of the swamplands. "Is it true that alligators won't attack if
you carry a flashlight?" he nervously asked. His cousin smiled and said, "It
depends on how fast you carry the flashlight!"
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I was virtually worn out after a busy day with my two
grandchildren, so at dinnertime I did not have a lot of energy left for cooking.
I asked them if they would be satisfied with frozen pizza.
"Oh no," my three-year-old grandson quickly replied. "I like
mine warm!"
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and
the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar
for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the
bar."
The first guy said, "No? Watch this."
So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd
was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said
anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and
walked his Chihuahua into the bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in
here."
And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye
dog."
The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your
seeing-eye dog?"
And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat
beside him. The
new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking,
biting his nails and moaning in fear.
“Hey, pal, what’s the matter?” Jack asked.
“Oh man...I’ve been transferred to Louisiana,” the other guy
answered. “There’s
crazy people in Louisiana and they have shootings,
gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate...”
“Hold on,” Jack interrupted, “I’ve lived in Louisiana
all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to
work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it’s as safe
as anywhere in the world.”
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a
moment and said, “Oh,thank you. I’ve been worried to death, but if you live
there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a
living?”
“Me?” said Jack, “I’m a tail gunner on a
Coca-Cola truck in Shreveport!”
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska, intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed commander was trying to cope with vehicles that
wouldn’t run and machinery that wouldn’t work.
He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door opened
and a soldier rushed in and announced, “Hey, captain, the Northern Lights are
out!
Exasperated and without looking,
the captain barked, “Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix
them!”
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Ms Crabtree had been telling her 1st grade class the story of
the discovery of America by Columbus. She concluded with, “And all this
happened more than 500 years ago.”
“Gosh!” exclaimed Little Freddy, “What a great memory
you have!”
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Protect the birds. The dove brings peace and the stork brings
tax exemptions.
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><>< <><><><><><><> <><><><> A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom
together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
“Quick,” said the woman to her lover, “into the closet!” She
bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of
the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. “Who are you?” he asked
him.
“I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the
exterminator.
“What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.
“I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,”
the man replied.
“And where are your clothes?” asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, “Those little
buggers!”
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his
magazine.
him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season
ticket?”
“Absolutely not,” he said.
How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”
“Season’s more than half over,” he said.
<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
As we age, our priorities change....
The other day Bob, age 57, came home and was greeted by his
wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet
ropes.
“Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you
want.”
So, Bob tied her up and went golfing.
><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Vacations can last for months. You travel in August, return in
September, get your bills in October, get your health back in November and your
luggage back in December.
<><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: There is always
someplace better than here, until you get
there.
Tha...tha....thats all folks.
**** Reader's Submissions **** NAIL IN THE FENCE Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. (Most importantly the last sentence) There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us. It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED! Now send this to every friend you have! And to your family! *PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE EVER LEFT A HOLE! **** ON THIS DAY ****
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -6- Clarence Cronic, singer/guitarist, of "Smith's Sacred Singers" born 1902. Zeke Clements born Warrior, AL 1911. Buzz Busby born Eros, LA 1933. David Allan Coe, singer/songwriter/guitarist, born Akron, OH 1939. John Herald born "John Whittier Sirabian, of "The Greenbriar Boys" born NYC 1939. Mel McDaniel born Checotah, OK 1942. Steve "Buddy" Miller, guitarist/singer/songwriter, born Fairborn, OH 1952. Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line" topped the charts 1956. Joe Smyth "Sawyer Brown," born Portland, ME 1957. Sylvia Kirby Allen born Kokomo, IN 1957. Jeff Foxworthy "You Might Be A Redneck If…" born Hapeville, GA 1958. Mark Chestnut born Beaumont, TX 1963. Don Gibson's "Woman, Sensuous Woman" was # 1 in 1972. Ernest Tubb died in Nashville, TN 1984. Inducted CMHF 1965, NSHF 1970 and the Texas CMHF 1999. Autry Inman, age 59, died 1988. Roy Huskey Jr., age 41, session bassist, died of cancer 1997. Junior Huskey was a master musician. Martina McBride, Jamie O'Neal, Chely Wright and Pam Tillis, performed to a sold out audience at Nashville's Ryman Auditorium in 2002. Robert Reynolds of the Mavericks married wife Angie 2003. Trace Adkins sang the National Anthem at Louisiana Tech University's football game 2004. Trace once played linebacker for the team while studying petroleum engineering, and cussing. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Neal McCoy, Darryl Worley to Play at Each Other's Fundraisers Neal McCoy and Darryl Worley will perform at each other's annual benefit concerts in September. Worley's Tennessee River Run will take place Sept. 15-16 at Pickwick Landing Park Resort near Savannah, Tenn., with performances from Diamond Rio, Rebecca Lynn Howard and John Corbett. Worley will appear at McCoy's 12th annual East Texas Angel Network golf tournament and concert set for Sept. 22-23 in Longview, Texas. The charity concert will also feature the Drew Davis Band, which just signed to the label McCoy founded, 903 Music. Worley will release a new album, Here and Now, on the 903 label on Oct. 31. Toby Keith Schedules TV Appearances for Broken Bridges Toby Keith will appear on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno on Tuesday (Sept. 5) to promote his movie, Broken Bridges. On Wednesday (Sept. 6), he'll visit The Jimmy Kimmel Show. On Sept. 7, he'll tape a duet with co-star Lindsey Haun to air during the Sept. 8 episode of the new Fox series, Duets. He will commemorate the fifth anniversary of the New York City terrorist attacks on Sept. 11 by singing "American Soldier" on NBC's Today. On Sept. 12, he'll appear on Regis & Kelly, Fox's Neil Cavuto and The Colbert Report. Broken Bridges opens nationally on Sept. 8. Rhonda Vincent Tuesday, September 5, 2006 – Rhonda
Vincent will release her first Christmas disc, "Beautiful Star: A Christmas
Collection," Oct. 17 on Rounder. This is Vincent's second release this year
because "All-American Bluegrass Girl" was out in May.
On the holiday set, songs include Vincent original “Christmas Time at Home.” She also sang “Silent Night,” “Away in a Manager” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” Players on the disc are her the Rage (Hunter Berry, Mickey Harris, Kenny Ingram, and Josh Williams) and Stuart Duncan, Bryan Sutton, Adam Steffey, Darrin Vincent, Randy Kohrs, Ron Stewart, Aubrey Haney, David Grier, Sharon White Skaggs, and Cheryl White.
3 eggs 3/4 cup sugar 2/3 cup mashed bananas (approx. 1 1/2- 2 med. bananas) 3/4 cup flour 1 tsp. baking soda 1/2 tsp. salt Mix together and line jelly roll pan with waxed paper and spray before adding batter. Bake at 350 for 10-15 min. Roll up when it is warm. Let cool and spread filling. Filling 1 cup powdered sugar 6 oz. softened cream cheese 1 tsp. vanilla 1/4 cup softened margarine Beat till smooth. Refrigerate so it spreads easy. Spread on cooled roll. Roll up and refrigerate again so the filling gets cold, then wrap. The filling oozes out and is messy if you don't let it get cold before wrapping. Enjoy!! Marilyn from Pa.
Do bees
really die after they sting you? A cow produces 200 times more gas per day than a human. LAST CALL
Y'ALL Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438
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