**** HEALTH NEWS ****

UNDERESTIMATED IMPACT OF CROHN'S DISEASE  

A U.S. survey conducted by Voices of Crohn's finds those  
who suffer from Crohn's Disease underestimate the effect of  
the disease on their daily lives. The survey finds of the  
500,000 people in the Unites States who have Crohn's Disease,  
60 percent between the ages of 18-34 were hospitalized with-  
in the past two years and more than half required surgery  
within the past five years. One in five respondents ages 18-  
27 reported Crohn's affects their relationships with  
employers, friends, family members and the general public.  
It limited their desire to date and their confidence to  
pursue higher education. More than 93 percent of respondents  
reported the disease impacts their overall emotional well-  
being.   

SCHOOLCHILDREN NEED HEARING TEST  

As U.S. children return to school, healthcare providers urge  
parents to have their children's hearing tested. One in every  
3,000 children is born with hearing loss. Studies indicate  
children with hearing loss are 10 times as likely to be held  
back at least one grade compared to students with normal  
hearing, but with early diagnosis, a young student with hear-  
ing loss can still have success, according to a statement by  
Siemens. By missing a few words when someone is talking to  
them, children's language and learning ability can be hurt.  
However, children can be fitted with hearing aids to give  
them the same benefits as children with full hearing.   

         NEW TONSILLECTOMY TECHNIQUE  

Dr. Glenn Isaacson, of Temple University Children's Medical  
Center in Philadelphia, says surgeons are offering a less-  
invasive tonsillectomy. "The new technique removes only the  
tonsil and not the surrounding tissue, leaving a smaller hole  
where the tonsil was and, therefore, less pain for the patient  
post-surgery," Isaacson, chairman of Otolaryngology/Head and  
Neck Surgery at Temple, says in a statement. "The bipolar  
electrosurgical scissors used in the operation cut the tonsil  
and also stop the blood flow at the same time, which allows  
us much more control and less bleeding during the operation."  
By creating a smaller hole where the tonsil was, and cutting  
the blood loss, patients are able to recover quicker and with  
less pain, according to Isaacson.  


*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
Good Morning from the Humor Guy ... the Ole Fritzbear !!!

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Dumb,Dumb and Dumber ....

A Kansas man was charged with holding up a shoe store. He stole about 
$70.00 in shoes. At his trial the man showed up wearing the boots he 
stole, with the tags still on. He was found guilty and the shoes were 
returned to the store.

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A Sandusky, Ohio, man was charged with negligent assult after he shot 
his wife's hat thinking it was a rat. The hat was on his wife's head 
at the time. The same man had previously shot himself in the foot 
while trying to shoot a rat.

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A bank robber from Pikeville, Kentucky, was easily caught by 
surveillance cameras. He thought rubbing citric acid on his face 
would blur the picture. It didn't work.

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A man named Angus McDonald was a lookout man for an explosives 
company in Johannesburg, South Africa. One April Fool's Day, he 
decided to pull the ultimate prank. He put on an oversized uniform 
and hid his head inside. To the casual passerby, it appeared that his 
head had been blown off. McDonald's joke blew up in his face, 
however. The story (and photo) was picked up by the newswires and 
McDonald was fired from his job.

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Before the invention of anesthesia, speed was a highly regarded trait 
in a surgeon. Dr. Robert Liston (1794-1847) of London was among the 
fastest. But, speed comes with some cost. In one particular 
operation, Liston killed three people. The patient actually survived, 
but later died of gangrene. During the operation, Liston accidentally 
cut off the fingers of his surgical assistant, who soon died from an 
infection. Liston even managed to slash through the coattails of a 
colleague who was observing the operation - he was so sure that his 
vital organs had been punctured that he died of fright!

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At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks 
his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by 
the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like 
that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to 
confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is 
and explains that all he said was, "For-an- occasion like Labor Day, 
you think they would have more beer in the house."

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Redondo Beach (CA) Police noticed a man driving his car, and they 
assumed he was drunk. Not becasue he was meandering, but because he 
had the top of a traffic light pole (including the lights) across the 
hood of his car. When questioned he said, "I thought the lights came 
with the car."

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Customs officers in Stockholm, Sweden, noticed a woman that wouldn't 
stop scratching her chest. They were kind, and didn't mention 
anything, at first, but she never stopped. They searched her and 
found 75 live snakes that she was trying to smuggle.

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Today's Useless FAct ... Surprising but true!!

The Bank of Vernal, Utah, is the only bank in the world that was 
built from bricks sent through the mail. Way back in 1919 the 
builders realized that it was cheaper to send the bricks through the 
United States Postal System (seven bricks to a package) than to have 
them shipped commercially from Salt Lake City.

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A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the 
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He 
remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead 
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side 
of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, 
it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch 
that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate 
looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as 
he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of 
course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought 
right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the 
traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and 
continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came 
to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had 
never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a 
tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old- 
fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the 
water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who 
was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road 
said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. 
That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave 
their best friends behind."

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without 
writing a word. Maybe this will explain. When you are very busy, but 
still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes. 
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you 
forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don't know what, 
and don't know how, you forward jokes. Also to let you know that you 
are still remembered, you are still important, guess what you get? A 
forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent 
just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today 
and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you 
a smile.

You are welcome at my water bowl anytime.

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A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across 
the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but 
unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled 
over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of 
the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt 
so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of 
the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the 
man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and 
killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to 
he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, 
dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. 
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at 
the two humans and hopped down the road.

50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two 
again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and 
hopped another 50 meters.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could 
be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " 
What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. 
It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent 
Wave."

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As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I 
ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I 
print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.

Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said 
she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours 
later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station demanding, 
"Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"

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Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you 
say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your 
face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats 
will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day 
you were born.

5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats 
don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener 
is.

6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in 
your slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to 
you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at 
all.

8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will 
have someone take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats 
will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably 
ones that look like they're in pain.

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly 
sneak out the back door.

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You can be sad because the rosebush has a thorn or you can rejoice 
because the thornbush has a rose. It's entirely up to you.

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Joe needed a new car, and I went to a local dealer with a long list of 
requirements. "It must be inexpensive," I told the salesman, "but big 
enough to transport eight Wolf Cubs and all their camping equipment. 
It has to have lots of headroom. I don't want air-conditioning 
because I like to feel natural breezes. And I'm not concerned about 
horse-power or a smooth ride."

The salesman gazed at me intently. "The covered wagon no longer 
exists, ma'am," he said.

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A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm 
the flight attendants began taking orders for drinks. "I'd like a 
soda," said a passenger in the first row. Moving along, the attendant 
asked the man behind her if he would like something.

"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!"

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Hollywood has changed. Today you see girls doing on the screen what 
they used to do off the screen to get on screen.

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If President of the United States is such an important job, why 
aren't there any job qualifications? No intelligence test, obviously. 
No demonstration of required skills. No psychological profile. 
Lawyers have to pass bar exams. Doctors must get a license. 
Secretaries have to take typing tests. Presidents? Nothing. Any 
American, rich or poor, can become president, as long as he's got 
$200 million for the ad campaign.

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When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his 
grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight 
and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember 
how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

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For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their 
teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was 
beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note 
that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with 
friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "

I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
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What Those Acronyms Really Mean

The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.