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"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
THURSDAY OCTOBER 12,2006
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
"You are making progress
if each mistake you make is a new one."
A machine
operator comes home from the factory
and tells his wife: "Honey, I've got
some good
news and some bad news. First, the good news: I
got $25,000.00
severance pay!"
His wife said: "$25,000.00 in severance pay?
That's
great! Now, what's the bad news?"
He said: "Wait till you hear what was
severed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taxiing
down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned
to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "Whatwas the problem?"
"The pilot was
bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained.
"Did you fix the
noise?" asked the passenger.
"No. It just took us awhile to find a new
pilot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A women,
not known for her patience, would often
complain about the long delay she
always endured
at her doctor's office. One day, then her name
was
finally called, she was asked to step on the scale.
"I need to get your
weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, the women
replied, "One hour and 45
minutes!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group
of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Marriott Hotel where the
American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention.
More than 500
lawyers were taken as hostages.
The terrorist leader announced that,
unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every
hour
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
patient was very upset when the doctor told him he needed a tonsillectomy.
Later, while filling out the admission form, the patient was so nervous he
couldn't speak. The nurse put down the form, took his hands in hers and said,
"Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous
procedure."
"You're right. I'm being silly," he said, relieved. "Please
continue."
"Good, now, "the nurse went on, "do you have a living
will?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Devon
went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that
the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting
your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Devon replied. "I wonder
if you'd be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answered, "if you were
gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting
for you at the front
door."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Overheard
at the water cooler: "The boss said I'd get a raise when I earned it. He's nuts
if he thinks I'm going to wait that long!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the 1950s
Groucho Marx was invited to take a tour of the New York Stock Exchange. While in
the observation booth, he grabbed the public address system handset and began
singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady". Upon hearing silence coming from the trading
floor, he walked into view, was given a loud cheer by the traders, and shouted,
"Gentlemen, in 1929 I lost eight hundred thousand dollars on this floor, and I
intend to get my money's worth!" For fifteen minutes, he sang, danced, told
jokes, and all this time, the Wall Street stock ticker was running
blank.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sure there are dishonest men in local government.
But there are dishonest men in national government too." (Richard Nixon)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly
man constantly called his doctor at all hours of the day and night and would
then keep him on the phone with a litany of imagined ailments. Finally the
doctor could take it no longer. "Listen, Mr. DeLucas. If you wake me up again in
the middle of the night with another one of your tales about some made-up
ailment, i am going to insist you go to another physician. Have I made myself
clear?" And he hung up the phone. A week later, the unfortunate man slipped and
fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his hip, two ribs, en elbow, and
suffering a concussion. He was rushed to the hospital and put in intensive care.
An hour later, his doctor walked in on him, saw his condition, and beamed, "Now
I think you're getting the hang of
it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk
came from a bar at two o'clock in the morning and promptly walked into the
nearest light post. Unable to see straight, he felt the post carefully with his
hands and proceeded to walk all around it three or four times, examining all
sides of the post with his hands. Finally, he slumped down on the curb and
buried his head in his hands. "It's no use," he sobbed. "I'm walled
in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady
who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't
have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on
before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the
officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing
it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.
"Well," asked
the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering
wheel?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a fact, taller people sleep longer
in
bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting
along with men isn't what's truly important. The vital knowledge is how to get
along with one
man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elevator makes ghosts happy because
it lifts the
spirits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as
they usually have their trunks
on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the frog who traced
his family history to Warsaw? He was a tad
Polish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** ON THIS DAY
****
Diabetes is Now
Diagnosed in 1 in 523 Young People
About one in every 523
young people have been diagnosed
with diabetes, according to the
first comprehensive
assessment of the disease in Americans under
20.
That places diabetes among the more common
chronic
illnesses of youth, the researchers report, striking
1.82
children per 1,000, compared with 1.24 per 1,000
with
cancer and 120 per 1,000 with asthma.
The national study, published today in the journal
Pediatrics, provides a baseline for future studies of
diabetes prevention and control, says study co-author
Jean
Lawrence, a research scientist with Kaiser Permanente
Southern
California in Pasadena. Previous estimates have
been drawn from
smaller studies that focused mainly on
white children and type 1
diabetes, she says.
Type 1, or juvenile, diabetes is the
form of the disease
most often associated with children, but in
recent years,
type 2 cases have been found in children. Type 2
is usually
diagnosed in older adults and is associated with
a
combination of genetic predisposition and obesity.
Until now, estimates of type 2 in children have been based
on anecdotal reports from doctors' offices and diabetes
clinics. "We didn't have uniform national information on
rates of diabetes and children and youth," Lawrence says.
This study "describes the scope of the problem," she says.
The researchers found that diabetes is more common in non-
Hispanic whites than in other ethnic groups, and that
type 1
diabetes is the most common form in young people of
all racial
and ethnic groups, except for American Indians,
in whom more
than three-quarters of cases are type 2.
Though the
prevalence is increasing, the numbers are small.
Of the 6,379
identified with diabetes at six sites in the
study, type 2 was
found in 11 children under 10 and 758 in
the 10-19 age
group.
"That's probably less than they expected to find,"
says
pediatric endocrinologist Larry Deeb of the
American
Diabetes Association. "But clearly they've
documented
the fact that it's a rising problem in the
U.S."
The researchers note that the study only counted
diagnosed
cases, and because type 2 can remain undiagnosed for
a
period of time, they may be underestimating its
prevalence
in youth.
Type 2 diabetes was
unheard of in children 20 years ago,
Deeb says. Now, "I
frequently see a 55-year-old grandmother
who developed diabetes
last year, a 35-year-old mother who
developed diabetes last year
and a 14-year-old who
developed diabetes today."
That does not bode well for the future, because diabetes
over time can lead to heart and kidney problems, blindness
and nerve damage that can result in amputation. If it
starts
in young people, he says, the complications may
occur
early.
"All my colleagues are worried about 25- and
30-year-olds
who are at risk for having heart attacks," Deeb
says. "The
most important thing is that we recognize the
enormity of
what's happening and document the extent of it, so
we can
identify it and intervene."
The
study, which was paid for by the U.S. Centers for
Disease
Control and Prevention and the National Institutes
of Health,
found that the average age of diagnosis was 8.4
years, and 96%
of children under 10 with diabetes had type
1. Girls had a
higher prevalence, at 1.88 per 1,000, than
boys, at 1.77 per
thousand.
Diabetic
Recipe
Easy
Vegetarian Lasagna
(makes 6
servings)
olive oil cooking spray
3 cloves
garlic, minced
1 small onion, 4 ounces (120 g),
chopped
1 28-ounce (793 g) crushed tomatoes
1
1/2 teaspoons (7.5ml) dried basil
1 teaspoon (5 ml ) fennel,
crushed
1 teaspoon (5 ml ) dried orange rind*
1/8 teaspoon (0.6 ml) crushed red pepper flakes
1 15-ounce
(425 g) container low fat ricotta cheese
1/2 pound zucchini (240
g), grated and squeezed of excess
liquid
2 small
carrots, 4 ounces (120 g ), grated
1/2 cup (120 ml) egg
substitute
1 cup (120 g) shredded skim milk mozzarella cheese,
plus
1/4 cup (30 g) for garnish (optional)
2
tablespoons (15 g) grated Romano cheese, plus 1 teaspoon
(2.5 g)
for garnish (optional)
6 oven-ready lasagna noodles
1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C), Gas Mark 4.
2.
Spray a non-stick covered pot with cooking spray. Add
the onion and garlic and cook over medium heat
until
the onion is transparent, about 5 minutes.
Add the
tomatoes, basil, fennel, orange rind, and
red pepper
flakes. Bring to a slow simmer, cover
and cook while
you ready the rest of the
ingredients.
3. Place the ricotta in a large bowl. Fold in
the grated
zucchini and carrots. Stir in the egg
substitute, grated
mozzarella and finally the
Romano cheese. Set aside.
4. Prepare an 8-inch (20 cm)
oven-proof square pan by
spreading 3 to 4
tablespoons of the tomato sauce on the
bottom.
Place 2 lasagna noodles on the bottom. Spread
with
1/3 of the cheese and vegetable mixture and top
with 1/3 of tomato sauce. Repeat making 3 layers, ending
with tomato sauce. Top with reserved mozzarella and
Romano.
5. Cover the lasagna with aluminum
foil which you tent a
bit to make sure it does not
touch the cheese on top.
Make sure to crimp around
the edges of the pan. Bake
for 1 hour, uncovering
the last 10 minutes.
6. Remove from oven and allow to set
for 10 minutes before
cutting.
Per serving: 260 calories (26% calories from fat), 19 g
protein, 7 g total fat (4.2 g saturated fat),
29
g carbohydrate, 4 g dietary fiber,
30
mg cholesterol, 426 mg sodium
Diabetic exchanges: 2 lean
protein (meat), 2 vegetable
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
 |
Wiser Junior lurks in Chase
| Lowe's looms in Chase |
| Team notes: Burton, Kenseth 1-2 as Nextel Cup
playoffs roll on. |
| Story |
 |
| Ragan hired by Roush |
| Truck Series regular tabbed to take over No. 6
car in 2007. |
| Story |
|
| Breaking down the Chase |
| In-depth look at the top 10 drivers as field
looks to tame Lowe's. |
| Story | |
Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-12-
Red Foley's "Smoke on the Water" topped the charts 1942.
Lefty Frizzell was the first artist, to place four songs in the
Top Ten at the same time 1951.
"Jambalaya" took Hank Williams to #1 on the charts in 1952.
Marty Robbins released "Don't Make Me Ashamed/It's A Long Ride"
1953.
Bob Beckham's single "Just As Much As Ever" debuted on the
charts 1959.
Jeannie C. Riley's "Harper Valley P.T.A." took her to #1 and
stardom in 1968.
Martie Seidel Maguire " Dixie Chicks," born 1969.
Merle Haggard's "Okie From Muskogee" charted 1969.
Shane McAnally born 1974.
Conway Twitty's "The Games That Daddies Play" topped the charts
1976.
The 1981 CMA Awards were presented in
Nashville.
Grant Turner and Vernon Dalhart inducted CMHF 1981.
Barbara Mandrell becomes the first artist to be named the CMA's
Entertainer of the Year, two years in a row 1981. Barbara also won the
award in 1980.
Terri Gibbs won the first CMA Horizon Award 1981.
Rod Brasfield inducted CMHF 1987.
Capitol released Charlie Daniels' album "Same Ol' Me" 1995.
John Denver, age 53, died when the plane he was flying crashed
into the Pacific Ocean, near Monterey, CA 1997. Seven months earlier, the
Federal Aviation Administration refused to issue a pilot's license to John,
because of alcohol related problems.
Collectables released Johnny Cash's "Original Golden Hits, Vol.
1-2" 1999.
Diamond Rio's "Beautiful Mess" topped the charts 2002.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Toby Keith Will Sub for
Brad Paisley at CRS
Toby Keith will be taking Brad
Paisley's place as head-
liner at the third annual Music City
Jam, a private
concert that serves as a highlight of the Country
Radio
Seminar in Nashville. Paisley had been announced to
host
the Feb. 28 show at the Nashville Convention Center.
He
asked to be excused from the performance after
learning
that his wife, actress Kimberly Williams-Paisley,
is
pregnant and that her projected due date is the same
week
as CRS. Keith provided the keynote address at CRS in
2005
and was honored by the U.S. Department of
Veterans
Affairs at this year's seminar. CRS is an annual
confer-
ence attended primarily by country radio
programmers,
air personalities and
management.
Tower
Records Closing All Stores
Tower Records will close
all of its 89 stores after the
music retailer's assets were sold
at auction on Friday.
Great American Group, a Los Angeles-based
liquidation
firm, placed the winning bid of $134.3 million.
Liquida-
tion sales are already underway. The chain was
founded
in 1960 in Sacramento, Calif., and declared
bankruptcy
in August. The two stores in Nashville (on West
End
Avenue and at Opry Mills mall) often hosted
in-store
performances and album signings for local and
national
country and bluegrass
artists.
****
Amy's Kitchen ****
Southern BBQ Ribs Recipe
4 lbs. Country style
pork ribs, fat trimmed
3-1/2 Tbsp. Lemon juice
2 tsp. All purpose flour
1/3 cup molasses
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/2 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp
prepared horse radish
1/3 cup mustard seeds, ground
2 Tbsp.
Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. Texas Pete Hot Sauce
Place ribs in a single
layer in a glass or enamel baking dish. Stir
Lemon juice into flour until
smooth. Add remaining ingredients.
Pour over ribs, turning to coat. Cover and
let stand at room
Temperature 2 hours, or in the refrigerator overnight. Fill
a drip
Pan with 5 inches of water and place under grill. Bank charcoal
And
prepare coals. Remove ribs from marinade. Reserve marinade. Grill about 1 hour
or until cooked through over medium-hot coals. OR: Preheat oven to 350F. Bake
1-1/2 hours. Cut into serving portions and serve with additional
sauce.
KEY LIME PIE
1 cup
graham cracker crumbs
3 tablespoons white sugar
5 tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 cup fresh lemon
juice
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
3
eggs
1 pinch salt
1 pinch cream of
tartar
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 lime
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
Mix graham cracker crumbs with
sugar and melted butter. Press
into 9 inch pie plate and bake
for 5 minutes. Remove from oven
and let cool. If using fresh
fruit, squeeze into a measuring cup
to get 1/4 cup of juice
from each. Separate 2 of the eggs,
placing the two egg whites
into a mixing bowl. Reserve the yolks
in another bowl. To the
yolks, add one whole egg, 1/2 cup juice
and sweetened condensed
milk. Mix well. With clean mixer blades,
beat the egg whites
until stiff, but not dry, adding cream of
tartar after about
20 seconds. Fold whites into filling mixture.
Pour filling
into partially baked crust. Bake in preheated 325
degrees for
10-15 minutes or until set. Let cool at room
temperature, then
freeze 4 hours to overnight. Right
before serving, whip cream
to form stiff peaks. Serve decorated
with whipped cream and
lime slices.
Yield: 1
pie - approx 8 Servings
****
TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
I love to
sing, but I have terrible stage fright. How can I overcome
it?
 While looking for the answer to your question
we came across a few tips for a new singers who have stage fright. Here's one
personal experience that you may find helpful: I am now a professional teacher.
I have to get up in front of classes of student five days a week. However, when
I was younger, I used to get terrible stage fright. I remember one presentation
that i had to give in high school in which I spent the entire time mumbling and
speaking down into my demonstration rather than out to the audience. So, here
are a few tips that helped me to get over the stage fright.
1. Start
small. Start by singing for friends and family, people
with whom you are comfortable. As your confidence with them increases, so will
your ability to perform for others. My break through came while I was working as
a summer camp counselor. I was teaching basic skills to younger boys and found
that I enjoyed that. From the small groups I had at Scout Camp, I have moved up
to teaching full fledge college courses.
2. When you are in front of your
audience, if you can make eye contact, do so with a few people. Smile at each
one and take in the fact that they smile back. Pretend you are doing something
nice for your best friends and that these people are your best
friends.
3. Try joining a choir. I too like to sing, but the thought of
doing a solo would have been just a scary for me as getting up in front of a
large group of people to give a speech. However, I never had problems with stage
fright when I was part of a group. As my skill at singing improved, so did my
confidence. I am by no means of a skill level where I could make a living as a
singer, but I also don't worry about what other people think anymore
either.
I don't remember who said it, but one philosopher once said, "Do
that which you fear and the fear will die." So, give these ideas a try and see
if they help you.
****A PARTING THOUGHT
****
Men don't realize
that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not
interested in seeing them again either.
LAST CALL Y'ALL
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
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