**** HEALTH NEWS ****

  Child sleep breathing problems studied  

HOUSTON, -- A U.S. study suggests children with high blood  
pressure might be at risk for sleep breathing disorders.  
The University of Texas Medical School study found 60 per-  
cent of hypertensive children suffer sleep disordered  
breathing. "SDB is important because it can result in day-  
time sleepiness, limited attention span, poor school per-  
formance, hyperactivity, poor growth and increased blood  
pressure in the lungs," said Dr. Alisa Acosta, lead author  
of the study. "We know there's a link in adults between  
obstructive sleep apnea -- the most common of the SDBs --  
and high blood pressure, so we were curious to see if the  
same link exists in our pediatric population," she said.  
Researchers evaluated 15 boys and five girls ages 4 to 18  
with primary hypertension who snored, had enlarged tonsils  
or night-time high blood pressure. Researchers found 12 of  
the 20 children tested had SDB: seven had obstructive sleep  
apnea (more than one apnea episode per hour); four had  
obstructive hypoventilation; and one had mild SDB. The  
study was presented last week in San Antonio during the  
60th Annual Fall Conference of the Council for High Blood  
Pressure Research.   

Cell fusion mechanism discovered  

HAIFA, Israel, -- A U.S.-Israeli study has identified a  
protein that encourages two or more cells to fuse into a  
single giant cell with multiple nuclei. The research,  
conducted by the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology  
in Haifa, Israel, and the U.S. National Institute of  
Child Health and Human Development, might lead to the  
ability to "fix" damaged or diseased cells within the  
body by fusing them with therapeutic cells. The study  
might shed light on disorders that occur in skeletal  
muscles, bone, the placenta and other body parts in  
which fused cells are common, Benjamin Podbilewicz of  
the Technion and Leonid Chernomordik of the NICHD said.  
"If you could deliver a necessary protein or gene to  
diseased muscle cells by fusing cells that carry this  
gene, in theory you could use this technique to fix  
these muscles," said Podbilewicz. Although researchers  
previously uncovered fusion proteins that help viruses  
link with their target cells and proteins that promote  
fusion between cells, the study by the Technion-NICHD  
team is one of the first to identify a protein that  
drives fusion between cells in normal animal and plant  
development. The research appears in the Oct. 2 issue  
of the journal Developmental Cell.   

Drug helps women quit smoking  

CHICAGO, - A University of Chicago study has suggested a  
drug used to treat alcoholics and heroin addicts could  
also be used to help women quit smoking. The researchers  
said the drug, naltrexone, was more effective for women  
than for men, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Monday. The  
study also found that the drug reduced the chances of  
gaining weight after quitting smoking. Women who used  
the drug after quitting gained an average of 1 pound in  
the first month and women given a placebo gained about 4  
pounds. The study featured 110 smokers who consumed 15  
to 40 cigarettes a day and had previously attempted to  
quit. All study participants were given nicotine patches  
and behavioral therapy. Half were given one naltrexone  
daily and half were given a placebo. The researchers  
found that 58 percent of women taking naltrexone had re-  
mained smoke-free after two months, while 39 percent  
quit who took the placebo. There was no difference be-  
tween the placebo group and the naltrexone group in men.  

*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
Another weekend ahead ... and time for a few grins or giggles.  Maybe 
even a groaner or two.
Sent your way "Just for the Fun of It" -- As always, I hope you get a 
few smiles or maybe a
hearty laff or three.
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Conventional wisdom aside, Marilyn Monroe was not exactly a brilliant 
actress. One of her scenes in "Some Like It Hot" required a 
remarkable 83 takes. At the end of the fiasco, director Billy Wilder 
graciously told Marilyn not to worry about it. Marilyn's reply? 
"Worry about what?"
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My new co-workers introduced me to their favorite diner for a morning 
coffee break. The service was of an era long gone. The waitress 
boasted that we would never see the bottom of our coffee cups.

True to her word, she was at our table every five minutes to fill 
them. Our order was promptly prepared and sitting before us in 
minutes. Though I wanted none, the waitress shoved an extra plate of 
buttered toast in front of me, saying, "Eat it, or you'll make me 
feel guilty."

After she scurried to another table, one of my colleagues piped up, 
"Where else can you find service like this?"

I answered, "At my parents home."

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Adding a second floor on our home drew a lot of onlookers. One rainy 
Sunday my husband and his friend were installing siding. Just as his 
friend went upstairs to get some material, an elderly woman stopped 
to admire their handiwork. After exchanging pleasantries, the lady 
asked, "Are you working all alone, son?"

"No," my husband replied, "I have a friend upstairs."

With a knowing nod, she said: "I know what you mean, son. So do I."
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While registering his six-year-old son, Otis, for school, my brother 
was asked to provide an alternate name and phone number in case of an 
emergency. He couldn't remember his wife's friend's number, but Otis 
offered, "I know what it is." Pleased, my brother asked, "What?"

"Autodial 3," Otis stated.
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For almost an hour, a customer tried on swimsuit after swimsuit in 
our shop. As her saleslady I wasn't of much help because she wouldn't 
open the changing-room door. Nor would she open it to let her husband 
or daughter see the various suits. Exasperated, the daughter finally 
demanded she be allowed in the dressing room. The mother relented. 
"But not just yet," she called out. "I'm in my birthday suit."

With a wry grin, her husband said, "At least we know that one fits!"
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The two happiest days in the life of a boat owner are the day they 
buy the boat, and the day they sell the boat.
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"I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base 
that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in 
a few... Whoa, here we go!'"

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Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree called, Billy?

Billy: Don’t Know.

Teacher: Bark, Billy.

Billy: Woof, Woof!
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THE REAL MEANING OF HOTEL SLOGANS

Old world charm ....... No bath

Options galore ........ Nothing is included in the itinerary

No extra fees ......... No extras

Nominal fee ........... Outrageous charge

Standard .............. Sub-standard

Deluxe ................ Standard

Superior .............. One free shower cap

Cozy .................. Small

All the amenities ..... Two free shower caps

Plush ................. Top and bottom sheets

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There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly
beautiful blonde teen-aged daughters.  They decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted.  After months
of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine
months later delivered a healthy baby boy.  The joyful
father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.  He took
one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he has
ever seen.  He went to his wife and said that there was
no way that he could be the father of that child.  "Look
at the two beautiful daughters fathered."  Then he gave
her a stern look and asked,  "Have you been fooling around
on me?"  The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time."

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Higher education is a wonderful thing. Sadly, most colleges don't 
offer the kind of real-world courses we'd like to see. Here then are 
college courses we'd like to see, broken down by gender, just for the 
heck of it.

Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? You CAN Tell the 
Difference!

If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I

If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator 
Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore

Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the 
Electronics Came In

Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels

Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to 
Run Out of Toilet Paper

Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the 
Goodwill

Retro or Just Hideous? Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your 
Kitchenware

Romance: More Than a Cable Channel

Bathroom Accuracy 101

Strange But True: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" 
Means

Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall 
Under the "Action/Adventure" Category

Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet

Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed

Be the First Man to Say These Three Words: "I Don't Know"

Changing Your Underwear—It Really Works

The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty Means Empty

Directions: It's Still Okay to Ask for Them

Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't 
Mean You Can Fix It

PMS: Learning to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Understanding the Female Response to Coming in Drunk at 4:00 A.M.

Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception

Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

How to Stay Awake After Sex

Garbage: Getting It to the Curb

Helpful Posture Hints for the Couch Potato

How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children

Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

Parties: Going Without New Outfits

Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until 
After the Game

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet, Too

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His

Communication Skills I: Tears, the Last Resort, Not the First

Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging

Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You Can Acquire

Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share

Telephone Skills: How to Stop Talking and Hang Up

Introduction to Parking

Advanced Parking: Reversing Into a Space

Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor

Water Retention: Fact or Fat

Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption

Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

TV Remotes: For Men Only

Emotions: Men Have Them, Too

Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

Ballet: For Women Only

Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges

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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a 
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, and nearly 
hit a bus. The shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the 
daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized and said he 
didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. 
The driver replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first 
day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
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A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, 
two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. 
Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?" "Well, I was 
having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, 
we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them 
and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had 
something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and 
sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, 
stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's 
tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't 
remember much after that."

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Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the
noose.

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An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to 
forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that 
this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to 
turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see 
their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many 
people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as 
reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and 
left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got 
home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and 
get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you 
won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish 
of ice cream!" "Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some 
strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll 
forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream 
and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like 
you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write 
it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "Come now, my memory's 
not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream 
with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the 
kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and 
pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of 
ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the 
kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he 
presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look 
at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the 
toast?"

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The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church 
often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that 
might come up. One Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his 
sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to the center 
aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms like a car without a 
muffler, then zoomed right toward him. The minister stopped his 
sermon, pointed severely at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the 
car immediately beside your mother on that bench (pointing), turn off 
the ignition, and hand her the keys." The sermon continued 
undisturbed ... after a good laugh by the congregation.

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Life's Lesson We are Valuable


We are more valuable than
any of the younger generations:

We have silver in our hair.

We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet, and

We are loaded with natural gas!

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. . . . and this concludes today's edition of  Grins, giggles and 
groaners. Hope you got a few chuckles.

Hope you all have a great weekend.  If you have a drink or two this 
weekend, please don't drive ... we want you back next time.

The ole Fritzbear - The humor guy!!!
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