|
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
MONDAY OCTOBER
16,2006
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:Women often find the sure
way to any man's heart is through
feeding his ego.
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat
and a phony
beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender
set
it down, he asked, "Going to a Halloween party?"
"Yeah," the man
answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like
Abe Lincoln." Protested the barkeep.
"That's right. .... My last four scores
were seven years
ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the year 1955
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It
won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep
going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
"Did
you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a
letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have
thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon.
Guess we'd be better off
leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail
hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed.
Next thing you know, boys will
be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was at
the country club for his weekly round of golf.
He began his round with an
eagle on the first hole and a birdie the second.
On the third hole he had
just scored his first ever hole in one when his cell phone rang.
It was a
doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident
and
was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform
his wife where he was
and that the he'd be there as soon as possible.
As
he hung up he realized he was leaving
what was shaping up to be his best ever
round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to
the hospital.
He ended up finishing all eighteen.
He finished his round
shooting a personal best 61,
shattering the club record by five
strokes
and beating his previous best game by more than 10.
He was
jubilant; then he remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the
hospital.
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's
condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted,
"You went ahead and
finished your round of golf didn't you!
I hope you're proud of
yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the
country club
your wife has been languishing in the ICU!
Its just as well
you went ahead and finished that round
because it will be more than likely
your last!
For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock
care.
And you'll be her care giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he
broke down and sobbed.
The doctor started to snicker and said,
"Just
kidding!
She died more than two hours ago.
What'd you
shoot?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My yellow lab, Draco, accompanied my
friend and me cross-country skiing. Because there was traffic on a road
alongside one trail, I leashed Draco, tucked my poles under my left arm and held
on to him with my right hand. I climbed up the hill, with Draco giving me a
pull. When we reached the top, a stranger at the bottom hailed me. "Can you send
the dog back down,
please?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shortly
after he had bought a cottage on Long Beach Island, accessible only by boat, my
son, with his dad's help, trucked to the water the dock they had built. Each in
his own small boat, they then towed the floating dock to its permanent home. On
their way, the captain of a large yacht they passed called out: "Hey, guys. You
forgot to untie your
boats!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Enthusiastic opera buffs, my wife and I
had an extra ticket for Hansel and Gretel. We asked the eldest of our four
grandchildren, who was 16 years old, if he'd like to accompany us. True to form,
he declined, saying he had an important hockey game that afternoon. To our
surprise, our artistic, gentle 13-year-old granddaughter also said no. She had a
science-fair project to submit at school the following day. We assumed
ten-year-old Martin, an adventurer and passionate athlete, would decline, but to
our astonishment, he accepted. Martin was very quiet after the performance. We
thought it prudent not to ask whether he enjoyed it. That night he appeared at
his mother's bedside. "Mom," he whispered, "I have something to tell
you."
"What is it, Martin," she asked, expecting word of some
calamity.
"Well," he continued, "I think I like
opera."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
hadn't seen my parents for several months, and in the interval I'd drastically
changed my appearance. When I arrived at their house, they both stared at my now
very short, very blond hair. Neither one said much, so I thought they were
taking it rather well. However, I learned their true feelings when a neighbor
dropped by. My father's introduction was: "Martha, I'd like you to meet my
daughter. This is Penny, but it isn't her
hair."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My
husband works in a former supermarket that was remodeled to accommodate
professional offices. One day he overheard his receptionist giving directions
over the phone.
"Remember the old grocery store?" she asked the caller.
"Well, you'll find us in the meat
department."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Former
President Bill Clinton has now struck a deal with several major food companies
to supply schools with snacks that have less fat, less sugar and less salt. This
is all part of Clinton's new program, 'No Child Left With A Big Behind.'" --Jay
Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"President
Bush helped dedicate an aircraft carrier named after his father. Isn't that
nice? He christened the ship by saying, 'It's great to be here on the USS
Dad.'"--Conan
O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Kim
Jong-Il said after the test was conducted, he got an e-mail from Congressman
Foley telling him he would 'love him long time.'"--Jay
Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Paris
Hilton and Nicole Ritchie have settled their dispute. They say that their two
hearts combined make one. Their two brains also combined to make one." --Jay
Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Nobody
in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A co-worker,
Bert, borrowed his father's brand-new tent trailer for a camping trip in the
Rockies with his wife and infant son. On the third night, they were awakened by
a bear shredding the tent canvas at the entrance. With claws only inches away
from their son, they escaped to the safety of their car while the bear continued
to demolish the tent. When it finally left, they decided to build a fire for
warmth. In his haste to get it going, Bert threw some gas onto the damp wood.
The flames carried over to the canvas and in seconds the tent was on
fire.
Bert had the chore of towing the damaged tent trailer into the
insurance company's lot. After hearing their tale of woe, the adjuster grinned.
"It's a good thing you set it on fire," he said, "because your insurance doesn't
cover bear
damage."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WAYS TO KNOW YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IS
UNDER-QUALIFIED:
He promises to improve foreign relations with
Hawaii.
His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Ty Pennington
guy."
Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC
thingie?"
At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You
wanna wrestle?!?"
Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible,
then shouts, "I win!"
On the very first question of the debate, he
attempts to use a
LIFELINE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man
had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a friend asked, "how much did you pay for
that?" "I paid through the nose!” he
replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
very exited mother asked her daughter: Well, what happened when you showed the
girls in the office your new engagement ring? Did they all admire it? Her
daughter replied: Better than that, five of them recognized
it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunken sailor was once thrown from the Cyclone Racer, a ride
built by legendary roller coaster designer Harry G. Traver on a pier in Long
Beach, California. After landing in the ocean, the man simply swam back to shore
and demanded a full ride
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Toxin exposure may cause rise in
asthma
ITHACA, N.Y., -- A Cornell University study
suggests expo-
sure of developing fetuses and newborns to low
levels of
environmental toxins may result in asthma. Rod
Dietert,
professor of immunotoxicology at Cornell's College
of
Veterinary Medicine, said toxins, such as lead,
mercury
and dioxin, as well as nicotine and ethanol, could be
be-
hind the recent sharp rises in asthma, allergies and
auto-
immune disorders like lupus. The real dangers from
environ-
mental toxins most likely occur early in life, said
Dietert.
But he noted most laboratory studies look at the
health
effects of the toxins on adult animals. "We are
deluding
ourselves to think adult data are going to allow us
to
understand the risks of perinatal exposures," said
Dietert,
referring to the period close to the time of birth.
"Right
now, we underestimate health risks that are occurring
due
to early exposure." He advocates a more detailed
two-
generation screening in which information on toxins
and
their impact on immune systems is recorded not only
for
the adult mother, but also for her offspring. Dietert
pre-
sented a paper on his research Oct. 4 during the
14th
Immunotoxicology Summer School Conference in
Lyon,
France.
Heart failure may cause impaired cooling
DALLAS, -- University of Texas researchers in Dallas say
reduced blood flow may be a key cause of heat-related ill-
nesses in patients with congestive heart failure. The
scientists at the University of Texas' Southwestern Medical
Center report the first study to investigate how heat
affects people with heart failure shows one of two ways the
body can cool itself is not as effective in such patients.
"We wondered whether either sweating or skin/blood responses
would be impaired in heart failure patients," said Dr. Craig
Crandall, associate professor of internal medicine and one
of the two lead authors of the study. "We found that for the
same level of internal temperature, the heart failure
patient does not dilate blood vessels of the skin as much."
Researchers found the skin/blood flow response in those with
heart failure was impaired by as much as 50 percent when
compared with the control group. The study appears in the
journal Circulation.
U.S. kidney failure rates stabilize
WASHINGTON, -- The National Institutes of Health in
Washington report rates for new cases of kidney failure
have
ended 20 years of up to 10 percent annual increases.
Although
racial disparities persist, research by the
NIH's National
Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and
Kidney Diseases shows
there were 338 new cases of kidney
failure per million
population during 2003, down slightly
from 2002 and continuing a
4-year trend. The average an-
nual increase has been less than 1
percent since 1999,
compared with an average 5 percent during
the previous
decade, the U.S. Renal Data System reported.
Diabetes and
high blood pressure remain the leading causes of
kidney
failure, accounting for 44 percent and 28 percent of
all
new cases, in that order. The most striking trends
were
found in diabetes, where rates of new cases among
whites
under age 40 were the lowest since the late 1980's,
in
contrast to rates for African-Americans, which
remained
steady. Researchers say credit for recent gains
likely
goes to clinical drug strategies proven in the 1990s
to
significantly delay or prevent kidney failure. The
re-
search will be presented next month during the
annual
meeting of the American Society of
Nephrology.
*****Fred.....The
Ole Fritbear!!!*****
A young woman, who's always self-minded,
isn't embarrassed even
when breast feeding in the public.
One day, she
and her husband along with her infant were dining
in a restaurant. The infant
gets hungry and starting to cry, and
she then breast feeds the
infant.
A waiter comes to her side and politely asked her that she
not
to breast feed openly. The mother gets angry and said: "Is it
because
that you believe breast feeding is filthy and impolite?"
"No," Waiter
calmly points at the sign on the wall and replied:
"but we disallow patrons
to bring their own food and drink to
the
restaurant."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a
small town and
went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and
lit up a cigar. As he
sipped his drink, he stood there quietly
blowing smoke rings.
After he
blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry
American Indian
approached him and said,
"Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me
that I'll smash
your face
in!"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Zack
and his mule were walking down the road when one of Zack's
friends drove up
and offered him a ride to town. Zack got into
the truck while his mule ran
along behind. The mule was right in
back of them as they reached 55, and
stayed with them as they
sped up to 70.
"I'm worried about your mule,"
said the driver. "his tongue's
hanging out."
"Which way?" asked
Zack.
"Left," his friend said.
"Well, stay in this lane - he's
about to
pass."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
For
weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade
teacher about the baby
brother or sister that was expected
at his house.
One day the mother
allowed the boy to feel the movements of the
unborn child. The six-year old
was obviously impressed, but
made no comment.
Furthermore, he stopped
telling his teacher about the impending
event.
The teacher finally sat
the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy,
whatever has become of that baby brother
or sister you were
expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and
confessed, "I think Mommy ate
it!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Two
West Virginians are walking down different ends of a
street toward each other
and one is carrying a sack.
When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray,
what'cha got in
th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens" says Tommy
Ray.
"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
Tommy Ray
says, "hell, if you can guess how many chickens I
got in this here bag, I'll
give you both of them."
"Really! OK. Hmmmmm......,
five?"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Andy
came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his
co-workers, Josh,
noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing.
It's just an old hockey injury that
acts up once in a while."
Josh,
"Gee, I never knew you played hockey."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last
year when I lost $100 on the
Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the
television."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
A
stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just
as it had been
before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds
of stones and built a
fence; cut down trees to create a
clearing; built a house and a small barn;
cleared land for
pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally
worked
his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat,
productive
farm.
Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and
marvelled rather
fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God
have
done together."
"Eh," the farmer said dubiously. "Ya
shoulda seen the place
when God ran it on his
own."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>>
Scientists
have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny,
although measurable
distance from the earth every year.
If you do the math, you can calculate
that 85 million years
ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of
about 35
feet from the earth's surface.
This would explain the death
of the dinosaurs...the tallest
ones,
anyway.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>>
A
crusty old Calvary Colonel found himself at a gala event
downtown, hosted by
a local liberal arts college. There was no
shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the colonel for
conversation.
She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very
serious
man. Are you this way all the time, or is something
bothering
you?"
"No," the colonel said, "just serious by
nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and
said,
"it looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The colonel's
short reply was, "Yep, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying
to start up a conversation,
said, "You know, you should lighten up a little -
relax and
enjoy yourself."
The colonel just stared at her in his
serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't
take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
The
colonel looked at her and replied, "1955."
She said, "Well there you go;
you really need to chill out and
quit taking everything so seriously - I
mean, no sex since 1955,
isn't that a little extreme?"
The colonel,
glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "Oh, I don't know.
It's only 2130
now!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. You
know what?,
says the 7 year old, I think it's about time we
start swearing. The 4
year old nods his head in approval.
When we go downstairs for breakfast
I'm gonna say hell, and you
say ass, ok?
Ok. the 4 year old
agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7
year old what
he wants for breakfast.
Aw, hell mom, I guess Ill have
some Cheerios.
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the
kitchen
floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked
at
the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, And what do YOU
want for
breakfast, young man?!
I don't know, he blubbers, but you can bet
your ass it wont
be
Cheerios.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in
West Virginia
when he struck up a conversation with a young lady
in a bar. After a half
dozen drinks, he suggested they get their
own bottle and retire to his motel
room, surprisingly enough,
she readily agreed.
"Say, how old are you
anyway ?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was
disrobing.
"Thirteen." she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen ???
My God girl !!! You get those clothes back on at
once and get the hell outta
here ! Are you crazy ?" he
thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as
she left, the perplexed nymphet
smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh
?"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Think
about this --- Life can only be understood
BACKWARDS,
But it must be
lived
FORWARDS.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic
knowledge in pill
form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and
asks
what kind of knowledge pills are available. The
pharmacist says "Here's a
pill for English literature." The
student takes the pill and swallows it and
has new knowledge
about English literature!
"What else do you have?"
asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and
world
history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these,
and swallows them and has new
knowledge about those subjects.
Then the
student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait
just a moment", and goes back into
the storeroom and brings back a whopper of
a pill and plunks
it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill
for math?" inquires the
student.
The pharmacist replied "Well, you
know ... math always was
a little hard to
swallow."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his
mother asking
him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed
to let her know that he
lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in
half and sends her the top
part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture
to
his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but
accidentally
sends the bottom half. He is really worried when
he realizes that he sent the
wrong part, but then remembers how
bad his grandmother's eyesight is and
hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his
grandmother. It
says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair
style...it
makes your nose look
big."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The
man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the
things around the house
that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I
can take it.
Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well,
in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just
lazy."
"Okay,"
said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can
tell my
wife."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
A
group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the
Ramada Hotel
where the American Bar Association was holding its
Annual Convention. More
than a hundred lawyers were taken as
hostages.
The terrorist leader
announced that, unless their demands were
met, they would release one lawyer
every
hour.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The
two housewives were drinking coffee together. "On my way
over here," said
Louise, "I developed an awful headache. Do you
have any good
remedies?"
Her friend Martha responded: "When I get a headache, my
husband
is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders, then the back of
my
neck, caresses my breasts while kissing my tummy, and... Well,
you can
guess the rest. In no time at all he's soothed the pain
away. You should try
it!"
"I'd love to," her friend replied. "What time does your
husband
get
home?"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Two
young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two
boys knelt beside their beds to say their
prayers when the youngest one began
praying at the top of his
lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW
NINTENDO.
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and
nudged the younger brother
and said, "Why are you shouting your
prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No,
but Gramma
is!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Thats
all for this Lucky Strike Extra ... a few classics from the
archives
and as always sent
just for the fun of it. More Grins, Giggles and
groaners will be
coming soon.
The Humor Guy in Chicago ...
The Ole Fritzbear
•
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>>
**** Reader's Submissions ****
Lessons Learned
When I was a young child,
I went to church and
Sunday school,
I learned the 23rd Psalm,
And God's great Golden
Rule.
He taught me that obedience,
Was His ultimate desire,
And
that it keeps all His children,
From wallowing in life's muddy
mire.
So many years have flown by,
Sometimes old problems still
exist,
No matter how hard I've tried,
I'm far from being a
perfectionist.
But those early lessons that I learned,
Keep me on my
weary toes,
I know who my Savior is,
And my faith in Him still
grows.
When we yearn for His Presence,
And we listen for His gentle
voice,
He forgives the mistakes we make,
Which reminds us to
rejoice.
I have found His promises are all true,
I have everything I
need,
He always encourages me,
To plant another fertile seed.
When
we asked Jesus to come in,
Life takes on a brighter view,
And life's
trials and temptations,
Will never conquer you.
Teach the little
children,
Show them how to pray,
Ask Jesus to love and bless them,
As
they walk life's narrow highway
~ Eva May Young ~
7-31-06
**** ON THIS DAY
****
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-14-
Dorsey Murdock Dixon, "Dixon Brothers, born Darlington, SC
1897.
Kenny Roberts, born "George Kingsbury" radio star, in Lenoir
City, TN 1926.
Melba Montgomery, born Iron City, TN 1938.
The R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Company purchased a 30-minute segment
of the Grand Ole Opry in 1938. The Prince Albert Show was born, and Roy
Acuff was picked to be the host. The NBC radio Red network picked up the show,
and broadcast it every Saturday night to twenty-six NBC stations, in addition to
WSM. By 1943 the show was featured on the full NBC network, and could be heard
coast to coast on 125 stations. Country music was on it's way.
Grandpa Jones married Ramona Riggins 1946.
Hank Snow went to #1 with "I Don't Hurt Anymore" in 1954.
The phrase "Nashville Sound," first appeared in Time magazine
1960.
Del Reeves joined the Grand Ole Opry 1966.
Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, born 1974, in
President George Bush's state of Texas.
Johnny Paycheck's single "Take This Job and Shove It" was
released 1977. It went to #1 the following month.
David Frizzell married Judy Britting 1982.
Sarah Ogan Gunning, age 73, of the singing Ogan clan, died
1983.
The 1985 CMA Awards show was presented in
Nashville. Ricky Skaggs was named Entertainer of the Year, and Lester Flatt
& Earl Scruggs were inducted into the CMHF.
The Judds won their first, of three straight, CMA Vocal Group of
the Year awards 1985.
Eddie Rabbitt & Juice Newton's duet "Both To Each Other
(Friends & Lovers)" went to #1 in 1986.
Holly Dunn Joined the Grand Ole Opry 1989.
The last "Nashville Now" TV show was aired on TNN 1993.
The Grand Ole Opry celebrated its 75th anniversary in
2000.
Bryan White and actress Erika Page married in Dallas, TX
2000.
-15-
Texas Jim Lewis, leader of the "Lone Star Cowboys" born Meigs,
GA 1909.
Louis Nunley, "Anita Kerr Singers" born Sikeston, MO 1931.
Larrie Londin, drummer, born Norfolk, VA 1943.
David Holt, multi-instrumentalist/TV Host/story teller, born
Gatesville, TX 1946.
Bill Monroe recorded "Uncle Pen" 1950. The song was
written about Bill's Uncle Pendleton Vandiver.
Hank Williams, and former girl friend Bobbie Jett, signed an
agreement indicating that Hank, and his mother Lillie, would be responsible for
Bobbie's unborn child on October 15, 1952. The child was named Cathy, and
later "Jett Williams." Bobbie Jett died in 1974.
Loretta Lynn debuted as a guest, on the Grand Ole Opry
1960. She was invited back as a guest, for twenty-one consecutive
weekends.
Ernie Ashworth's "Talk Back Trembling Lips" topped the charts
1963.
Frank Walker, age 73, entertainment industry executive died
1963.
Dean Miller born 1965.
The 1969 CMA Awards show was presented in Nashville.
Gene Autry inducted CMHF 1969.
The audience, at a Madison Square Garden Rock concert in
1971, booed Rick Nelson. As a result of this incident, Rick wrote "Garden
Party."
Johnny Cash hosted the 1973 Country Music Association
Awards in Nashville. Chet Atkins and Patsy Cline were inducted into the CMHF.
Chet, age 49, was the youngest person ever inducted.
The 1974 CMA Awards show was presented in Nashville.
Pee Wee King and Owen Bradley inducted CMHF 1974.
The Grand Ole Opry celebrated its 50th anniversary in 1975.
Al Stricklin, age 78, piano player for Bob Wills' Texas
Playboys, died 1986.
"Cash: The Autobiography" went on sale 1997.
Tim McGraw's movie Friday Night Lights, opened in
theaters in 2004.
Grand Ole Opry members Diamond Rio received the Minnie Pearl
Humanitarian Award, from Steve Wariner during the Opry broadcast 2004.
-16-
Bob Newman, of "The Georgia Crackers" born Cochran, GA 1915.
Dale Troy "Stoney" Cooper, born Harman, WV 1918.
George Morgan joined the Grand Ole Opry 1948.
Bland Simpson, of the "Red Clay Ramblers" born Durham, NC
1948.
Jim Ed Norman, record company executive/producer, born Fort
Myers, FL 1948.
Carl Butler debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1953.
Elvis Presley debuted on the Louisiana Hayride 1954.
Jimmie H. Davis inducted CMHF 1972.
Doyle Wilburn, age 52, of the "Wilburn Brothers" died Nashville,
TN 1982.
Don Reno, age 58, of "Reno & Smiley" died Charlottesville,
VA 1984.
Naomi Judd announced her retirement in 1990, due to
illness.
Johnny Cash performed at Bob Dylan's 30th Anniversary
Celebration in NYC 1992.
RCA released Vince Gill's "Super Hits" album 1996.
John Berry's "All the Way to There" album released in 2001.
Sara Evans single "Suds In The Bucket" topped the charts
2004.
The National Italian American Foundation honored Tim McGraw with
their Special Achievement Award in Music 2004. Tim's mother is
Italian.
The Ralph Stanley Museum was opened in Clintwood, VA 2004.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Sara Evans files
for divorce
|
Sara Evans filed for divorce from her
husband Craig Schelske Thursday in Tennessee.
According to a statement from the singer issued
by her record company, RCA, "Recent events that shed light on the status
of her marriage prompted Ms. Evans to make the filing, which was
registered today (October 12) with a court in Tennessee, where Evans
resides." The "recent events" were not specified.
The mother of three "felt it was in her
children's best interest that she also withdraw from competition on
Dancing with the Stars, an ABC television series that she has been part of
this fall, to give her family her full attention at this difficult time."
The statement concluded, "Evans hopes that her
fans and TV viewers who've supported her in recent weeks and throughout
her music career will respect and understand her need for privacy in the
face of these recent events." |
Reaction on Row is that Evans' fans will be
sympathetic
By RYAN UNDERWOOD
Staff Writer
Industry
insiders along Music Row say they do not expect revelations about Sara Evans'
13-year marriage to have any lasting impact on her music career or public
image.
If anything, the graphic details of her divorce filing seem to
have prompted an outpouring of public sympathy for the singer, people
interviewed for this story said.
"Based on what we know now, I don't
think this divorce and the reasons behind it will affect Sara's career in any
negative way," said Jennifer Bohler, a Nashville-based music industry publicist.
"She has always shown great poise and character, and that's what will get her
through this."
Evans' most recent album, Real Fine Place, which was her
fifth release, topped the country charts and peaked at No. 3 on Billboard's Top
200 Albums chart after going on sale last October.
Nashville radio
listeners stayed mostly quiet on the issue of Evans' divorce yesterday. Buddy
Van Arsdale, program director for Nashville country station WSM-FM, 95.5 The
Wolf, said his station hadn't received many calls on the topic.
"We asked
listeners about it and they were mostly just sympathetic," Van Arsdale said,
explaining that audience reaction in a case like this, where the entertainer is
seen as a victim, tends to be muted.
What this case may do for Evans'
public image, however, is portray her as more of a real person dealing with some
of the same tough issues that other people face, said Larry Holden, executive
editor of Country Weekly magazine.
"I think the hearts of fellow artists
and her fans are going out to her right now," Holden said. "Her fan base will
stick with her through this."
As for her decision to leave the ABC show
"Dancing With the Stars," Holden said he thought fans would support her decision
to leave.
Bohler added, "This divorce has the potential to get very ugly
very quickly. So I think fans of the show will understand that her primary
instinct is to protect her children."
Kay Clary, director of media
relations for BMI and a longtime Nashville music publicist, said Evans' public
plight may bring to light domestic issues that other women are going
through.
"I'm sure the last thing she's concerned about right now is
becoming more of a role model to women everywhere," Clary said of Evans. "But
that is how she deserves to be portrayed in the media." •
Court documents state husband's adultery, pornography reasons
for Sara Evans divorce
Court documents state husband's
adultery, pornography reasons for Sara Evans divorce
By Beverly
Keel
Celebrity columnist
Sara Evans filed for divorce Thursday
from her husband of 13 years, Craig Schelske, in Williamson County, alleging
that he had committed adultery, verbally abused her and frequently watched
pornography at home. On Thursday, Evans announced that she has dropped out of
the ABC show “Dancing with the Stars” to give her family her full
attention.
According to the document filed in chancery court, Schelske
allegedly has on his computer at least 100 photographs of himself posing in an
aroused state. There are several photographs of him having sex with other women,
the filings stated.
“On his computers, husband maintains ‘Craigs Lists.’
Many of them involve requests for three party sex and anal sex. Husband’s
‘Craigs Lists’ are composed of personal ads on his personal sex engine involving
him and prospective sex partners,” the documents stated.
The court
document included an exhibit of nine recent “Craigs Lists’’ items stored in the
temporary files of his computers.
Craigslist is an online ad
service.
On Sept. 28, one of the children confronted Schelske, 43, at the
couple’s Franklin home when he was watching pornography on TV, the filing
stated. The couple’s children are 2, 3 and 7 years old.
Evans, 35,
requested a temporary restraining order prohibiting Schelske from physically and
verbally abusing her, exposing their three young children to pornographic
materials of any kind, consuming alcoholic beverages to excess in front of Evans
or the children, and taking their children to Oregon, which would interfere with
her temporary and pending custody.
“Wife further alleges that husband
has told wife that he is taking the children to Oregon and continually
interferes with wife’s possession of and parenting time with the parties’ minor
children,” stated the document.
The document alleged that Schelske
frequently threatened Evans and “told her that she is crazy.” It also claimed he
verbally and emotionally abused and harassed Evans.
Evans filed for
divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, inappropriate marital
conduct and adultery.
"There's nothing else she could do under the
circumstances," said Evans' attorney, John Hollins Sr.
Evans requested
she be designated the primary residential parent and custodian of the children
and that Schelske receive “reasonable residential parenting time” with their
children.
She requested exclusive possession of their home and
“reasonable child support.”
No court date has been set.
Late
Thursday, her representatives released the following statement:
"Recent
events that shed light on the status of her marriage prompted Ms. Evans to make
the filing.
The statement continued, "A mother of three, Ms. Evans felt
it was in her children's best interest that she also withdraw from competition
on Dancing with the Stars, an ABC television series that she has been part of
this fall, to give her family her full attention at this difficult time. Ms.
Evans hopes that her fans and TV viewers who've supported her in recent weeks
and throughout her music career will respect and understand her need for privacy
in the face of these recent events."
Josh Turner becomes a
father
Josh Turner and his wife Jennifer Ford
Turner, became parents Friday with the arrival of Hampton Otis Turner. He was
born in Nashville, weighing 8 pounds 12 ounces. "Both mother and baby are doing
well and have since been released from the hospital," according to Turner's web
site.
He spent the last several days at home with his wife and son, taking off from
the road.
Country Music Legend Freddy
Fender passed away today
Country Music Legend Freddy Fender
passed away today at his home in Corpus
Christi, Texas. He was surrounded by
his family.
Freddy had been diagnosed with lung cancer early this
year.
Funeral services will be held in San Benito, Texas.
Tracy
Pitcox
www.heartoftexascountry.com
****
Amy's Kitchen ****
Beef
Stew
Ingredients
3 lb beef stew cubed meat
1/2 cup
flour to dredge meat
Seasoning for meat : salt, pepper, paprika or seasonings
of choice
Olive oil to saute
1 pkg carrots ( 1 lb. )
3 large
potatoes
1/2 bunch celery
3 large onions
3 cloves garlic crushed
2
to 3 cups water or beef bullion
2 cups fresh frozen green peas
1 half
bunch flat leaf parsley chopped
1 stalk fresh rosemary leaves
1/2 cup
dried mushrooms chopped with knife blade
Optional: splash of vermouth to
taste
Method
Cube or coarse dice vegetables. In a large pot heat a
few Tbs. Olive oil and cook and stir vegetables over high heat for a few
minutes. Dredge meat in seasoned flour and add to pot and sear meat. Add water,
along with bullion powder to taste or use beef broth and add dried mushrooms and
rosemary. Bring all to a boil and cover and low simmer for about an hour or
until vegetables as well as meat is tender. Add the peas and parsley and cook
and stir several minutes longer. Correct seasonings and add vermouth if desired
to taste. Makes 1 large pot, serves 8 to 10 or more. Serve in individual
crockery bowls for a nice presentation. Stew freezes and reheats
well.
****
TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
What would
happen if everyone in the world took all their money out of their bank accounts
at the same time?
 First of all, you need to understand something about banks. One of the main ways they make money is to loan money out to businesses
and individuals and then charge interest on those loans. Now, where do they get
the money to loan out? From their depositors. To put it simply, when you deposit
money into your bank account, you are loaning that money to the bank so that
they can then loan it out to someone else. In exchange, you get a cut of the
interest that the bank charges the person to whom they lent your
money.
So, what would happen if every body suddenly tried to withdraw all
of their money from the banks? All of the banks would fail because they don't
have enough money on hand to cover everyone's balances. Most of their assets are
tied up in the loans.
With all of the banks failing because everyone
wanted their money now, most people would lose the money in their bank accounts.
Additionally failure of banks would cause just about all money transactions to
cease because no one would have any money. So, the end result of every body in
the world trying to withdraw all of their money from the banks at the same time
would be a world-wide depression that would probably be even worse than the
Great Depression.
****A PARTING THOUGHT
****
Heard in passing: "I'm
a peaceful man, and I'll sure fight anyone who dares to say I'm
not."
LAST CALL Y'ALL
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
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