Archives at Zinester: The Daily Funnies. The Funnies. Humor & Jokes

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to The Funnies

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG

Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

THURSDAY OCTOBER 26,2006

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Perhaps the straight
and narrow path would be wider if more people used it.

"A new government study has found that the average American
car weighs five-hundred pounds more than it did ten years
ago. However, this is only true if an average American is
sitting in the car." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This is a bleak time for the Republican Party. You know
you have trouble when the least embarrassing guy in your
group is Arnold Schwarzenegger." --Jimmy Kimmel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top ten things you don't want to hear from your real estate
agent when you go to settlement on your new home:

1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to
any home's garden."

2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that
overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."

3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's
Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not
to come within 50 feet of it."

4. "One bleeding toilet doesn't necessarily mean it's
haunted."

5. "Your neighbor has assured me that, technically, they're
not 'killer' bees."

6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely
that it would reach as far back as your property."

7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when
not in the presence of radioactivity."

8. "Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their
practice sessions right next door?"

9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor
was never actually able to prove it was murder."

10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the
fare to the train station?"

"Sixty cents," said the driver.

As the bus pulled away the man raced alongside it until the
next stop. When the doors opened again he gasped, "How much
is the fare now?"

"Ninety cents," said the driver. "You're running the wrong
way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED"

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The Paradox of Our Time"

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers;

Wider freeways,
but narrower viewpoints;

We spend more,
but have less;

We buy more,
but enjoy it less;

We have bigger houses,
and smaller families;

More conveniences,
but less time;

We have more degrees,
but less sense;

More knowledge,
but less judgment;

More experts,
but more problems;

More medicine,
but less wellness;

We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly,
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late,
get up too tired,
read too little,
watch TV too much,
and pray too seldom;

We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values;

We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often;

We've learned how to make a living,
but not a life;

We've added years to life,
not life to years;

We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor;

We've conquered outer space,
but not inner space;

We've done larger things,
but not better things;

We've cleaned up the air,
but polluted the soul;

We've split the atom,
but not our prejudice;

We write more,
but learn less;

We plan more,
but accomplish less;

We've learned to rush,
but not to wait;

We have higher incomes,
but lower morals;

We have more food,
but less appeasement;

We build more computers
to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication;

We've become long on quantity,
but short on quality;

These are the times of fast foods
and slow digestion;

Tall men,
and short character;

Steep profits,
and shallow relationships;

These are the times of world peace,
but domestic warfare;

More leisure,
but less fun;

More kinds of food,
but less nutrition;

These are days of two incomes,
but more divorce;

Of fancier houses,
but broken homes;

These are days of quick trips,
disposable diapers,
throw away morality,
one-night stands,
overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer
to quiet,
to kill;

It is a time when there is much in the show window,
and nothing in the stockroom;

We are called to make many choices,
that affect many people
and we live with the consequences.

Let our choices be the type that lift up God
and bring glory to His name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of
me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk
apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.
Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the
same bed for 44 years." "Could you possibly put them close together?"
the wife asked.
Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented,"How romantic."
Then the woman finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I
want to be able to punch him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young (blonde) bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up
and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store
manager noticed this and went over to her.
"Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.
"I's Mrs.!", she said proudly, "I just got married."
"Congratulations, " said the manager. "What can I help you find?"
"Scratch," she replied.
"Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"
"No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his
mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our
boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm
Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to
see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be
your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods."
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your
problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have
to give them up!!" The guy says,
"But how long for, I mean I really like peas!"
The doctor replies, "Forever, I'm afraid." The man is quite shocked
by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition
improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again.
Anyway, one night, years later, he's at a convention for his employer
and getting quite sloshed and one of the reps says, "Well, ashully,
I'd love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up."
Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes, "Really, I haven't had a
game of golf in 3 years, because it cost me my first marriage, so I gave it up!"
The businessman says, "Thas nuvving, I haven't ad a pea in 6 years"
and the barman jumps up screaming, "Okay, everyone who can't swim,
grab a table..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Among the many chores to be done around our house in the country is lifting heavy objects. With back strain in mind, I bought a "lifting belt" at the hardware store as a gift for my husband. With great interest, Mike removed the belt from its package, slipped his arms into the suspenders and wrapped the girdlelike apparatus around his waist. "Why," he exclaimed, "this is just like wearing a hug!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was hot outside, but it was even hotter in the restaurant. I was serving tables when a customer stopped me and asked if there was anything I could do about the heat. I told him I'd see. Just as I was going to the manager, the automatic sprinkler system came on; a fire had started in the kitchen. As everybody got up to leave, the same customer caught my eye and gave me a wink. "That's not quite what I had in mind," he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each desk at my office has a three-tiered mail tray where correspondence gets sorted into "Receiving, "Deliverable" and "Holding." After a few years, my lowest tray for holding mail had lost two of its legs and had become quite wobbly. I realised I'd put off replacing it too long when I came to work one morning and found that the mail runner had re-labelled my trays. In neat letters they now read "In," "Out" and "Shaken All About."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Among the "freebies" ads in our local classified ads newspaper- such as a boat that no longer floats, a freezer that no longer freezes, flower bulbs you have to dig up-was one I could relate to: "Free, stair climber. No longer needed as a plant stand."

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We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Stem Cells May Make Insulin Cells

SAN DIEGO, Oct 23, 2006 (UPI via COMTEX) - U.S. scientists
say human embryonic stem cells can be converted into cells
that produce all five hormones made by the pancreas,
including insulin.

Research conducted by Edward Baetge and colleagues at
Novocell Inc. in San Diego suggests the possibility of
turning human embryonic stem cells into pancreatic cells
that can be used for diabetes therapy.

Human embryonic stem cells have the potential to become
virtually any cell type in the body. Thus, they are a
promising source of cells to repair damaged organs, such
as the pancreas, heart and liver.

Baetge and colleagues show the efficient generation of
insulin-producing cells from human embryonic stem cells
depends on guiding the cells through stages similar to
those of pancreatic development. The researchers said
the cells they created contained high levels of insulin
and were also capable of secreting insulin -- but only
minimally in response to sugar, which is a crucial
function of adult beta-cells.

The scientists speculate that, with additional research,
the cells have the potential to be matured into insulin-
producing cells that could be suitable for transplantation
into patients.

The study is reported online in the journal Nature
Biotechnology.

TIPS TO AVOID COLDS

St. Louis University researchers offer cold-fighting strat-
egies that include washing hands after shaking and avoiding
touching your nose and eyes. Dr. Mark Mengel, chairman of
the Department of Community and Family Medicine at the
School of Medicine, says colds are spread by a virus that
rides on hands and other surfaces and thrives for up to
three hours. His other tips include: Get enough sleep,
eight to 10 hours a night, to beef up your cold-fighting
defenses; stop smoking, a habit that destroys the cilia,
little hair-like fibers that keep mucus from clogging the
nose and lung lining; pass on buffet food others have
dipped in twice.

SAFETY TIPS FOR WINTER SPORTS

U.S. experts urge parents to put a helmet on their child,
scope out sled or ski routes to avoid crashes and take other
steps to prevent winter sports injuries. The researchers at
the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Columbus Ohio's
Children's Research Institute also advise parents to avoid
crowded areas, where smashups can occur; supervise their
children's activities, and get medical help should an
accident occur. "Examining injury patterns among five dif-
ferent winter activities -- skiing, snowboarding, sledding,
ice hockey and ice skating -- we identified that the No. 1
injury is to the head and neck region," says study leader
Dr. Gary Smith. "Many of the head and neck injuries we
reviewed could have been avoided if the child was wearing
a helmet."

Mental illness and gene mutation studied

NEW YORK, -- New York and California researchers have shed
light on the linkage between mutated genes and cognitive-
physiological changes. A major risk factor for schizophrenia
is a genetic mutation -- 22q11.2 microdeletion -- which
occurs in 1 of 4,000 people. One third of people with that
mutation develop schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.
Doron Gothelf of Stanford University and colleagues admin-
istered psychological tests to children with and without the
mutation and examined them again in late adolescence or early
adulthood. They found a strong effect of a particular muta-
tion in the gene COMT. Subjects with the mutation had an
abnormal decrease in the size of their prefrontal cortex, as
well as lower IQs and more frequent psychotic symptoms. In
the other study, Maria Karayiorgou and colleagues at the
Rockefeller University in New York examined a mouse model of
schizophrenia that contains a mutation in the gene for the
enzyme proline dehydrogenase, or PRODH. They report PRODH
deficiency alters the expression of the COMT gene. Inter-
action between these two genes modulated schizophrenia-
related phenotypes in mice, such that COMT inhibition exag-
gerated or induced behavioral deficits in the PRODH-deficient
mice. The research appears in the November issue of Nature
Neuroscience.

*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****

This is why AZ is a great place to live, I think our gov should hire this guy like yesterday.

THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail":

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/ Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More on the Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government- issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks.

"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 = years. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's
120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.

Sheriff Joe was just reelected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona.

**** Reader's Submissions ****

     I've held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all, but
   whatever I've placed in God's hands that I still possess.

   Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. From
   a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car,
   or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

   Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His
   owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home
   for him. This alone is amazing.

   If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking
   around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the
   smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets
   her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

   As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always
   checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly
   walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray.

   When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops
   occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far
   behind to hear the bell.

   Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just
   because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.

   God watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us
   when we are in need.

   Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing
   bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide
   horse, helping others see.

   Good friends are like this. You don't always see them, but you know
   they are always there.

   Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
BLONDIE

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Sizing up a crowded Chase

Chase set on intermediate

Glut of 1.5-mile tracks in playoffs draws mixed driver opinion.

Story

Hot on Atlanta's trail

Team reports: Chase news and notes as round seven awaits.

Story

NASCAR report

Notes: Drivers venting frustrations over Car of Tomorrow.

Story

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

26-

Bob Luman released "Buttercup," and "Dreamy Doll," 1959.

Marty Robbins released "El Paso/Running Gun" 1959.

Columbia Records released Marty Robbins' "Ruby Ann/Won't You Forgive" 1962.

Bobby Bare's single "500 Miles Away From Home" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1963.

Keith Urban born Whangarei, New Zeland, 1967.

Jack Barlow's "Baby Ain't That Love," charted 1968.

Rounder Records was founded in Somerville, MA 1970.

Waylon Jennings hospitalized in California, with chest pains 1988.

Collin Ray debuted as an actor in the Fox TV movie "Street Justice" 1992.

Aim Records released Harry Choates album "Cajun Fiddle King" 1999.

Hoyt Axton, age 61, singer/songwriter/actor, died in Victor, MT 1999.

Asylum released Chad Austin's album "All My Dreams" 1999.

Garth Brooks announced one of his many retirements from music in 2000. Reporters were not told if Chris Gaines was hanging it up too.

The Statler Brothers performed their final concert in Salem, VA 2002.

**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Adkins, Messina, Sugarland Set for World Series

Trace Adkins will sing the national anthem prior to game
three of the 2006 World Series on Tuesday at Busch Stadium
in St. Louis. His performance will air at approximately
8:11 p.m. ET and will be televised by Fox Sports. Adkins
teamed with Major League Baseball earlier this year for
the online debut of his single, "Swing." He will resume
his CMT-sponsored headlining tour on Thursday (Oct. 26)
in Jonesboro, Ark., with guests Billy Currington and
Jason Aldean. ... Jo Dee Messina will sing "God Bless
America" during the seventh inning stretch at Tuesday's
game, and Sugarland will do the same Wednesday (Oct. 25)
in St. Louis during the fourth game of the World Series.

Martina McBride to Sing on Dancing With the Stars

Martina McBride will sing "Rose Garden" and "This One's
for the Girls" on the Dancing With the Stars episode
airing Wednesday (Oct. 25) on ABC. "My family and I are
hooked on the show," she says. "We never eat dinner
around the TV, but now we have to make an exception on
Tuesday and Wednesday nights so we can tune in." Remain-
ing contestants are Monique Coleman, Joey Lawrence,
Emmitt Smith and Jerry Springer.

Gretchen Wilson debut goes 5x platinum

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 � Gretchen Wilson's debut CD, "Here For The Party," was certified quintuple platinum for sales in excess of five million units. The critically-acclaimed album was released May 11, 2004 and spent a record nine weeks atop the Billboard Country Albums Chart.

Her first single "Redneck Woman" spent a record six weeks at number 1 and has reached well over 100,000 digital downloads.
Wilson recently completed her first book, "Redneck Woman � Stories from My Life," which will hit stores next Tuesday, Oct. 31.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****
Diabetic Recipe

Jack-O-Lantern Pizza Crisps

(makes 6 servings)

6 10-inch (15 cm) fat-free flour tortillas
refrigerated butter-flavored cooking spray
6 tablespoons (30 g) grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon (5 ml) crushed dried Italian herbs

1. Preheat oven to 350�F (180�C, Gas Mark 4).

2. Using a jack-o-lantern shaped Halloween cookie
   cutter, cut the tortillas into pumpkin shapes. Lay
   cutouts slightly apart on 2 large baking sheets.

3. Spray each jack-o-lantern with cooking spray.
   Combine Parmesan cheese and herbs; sprinkle evenly
   onto each cutout.

4. Bake for 15 minutes, until crisp and golden, switch-
   ing the pan positions after 8 minutes. Transfer to
   a cooling rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Per serving: 162 calories (11% calories from fat),
             6 g protein, 2 g total fat (1.2 g
             saturated fat), 1 g dietary fiber,
             5 mg cholesterol, 528 mg sodium

Diabetic exchanges: 2 carbohydrate (bread/starch)

"Pepperoni-Jalapeno Melts" (D)

Preparation:
1.) 12 low-sodium Triscuit-style crackers
2.) 6 turkey pepperoni slices, halved
3.) 2 jalapeno chili peppers, each cut in 6 slices crosswise
4.) 1/4 cup shredded reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese

Preparation:
Place crackers in a single layer on a microwave-safe plate.

Top each cracker with 1 pepperoni slice and 1 jalapeno slice. Sprinkle cheese evenly over all.
Cook in microwave on HIGH setting 15 seconds
or until cheese just begins to melt.

Nutritional Information Per Serving (3 melts):
Calories: 88, Fat: 4 g, Cholesterol: 9 mg, Sodium: 148,
Carbohydrate: 10 g, Dietary Fiber: 2 g, Sugars: 0 g, Protein: 4 g., Diabetic Exchanges: 1/2 Starch, 1 Fat.
Source: The Daily Dibetic Recipe Newsletter

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How can I obtain dual citizenship?

Dual citizenship (or "dual nationality") means you're a citizen of two countries at the same time. Unfortunately, like most governmental procedures, it's far from simple. The U.S. State Department's page on dual nationality answered most of our questions. Basically, there are several ways an American can obtain dual citizenship. Marriage and naturalization appear to be the main two.

A naturalized citizen is someone who was foreign born but has since been granted full citizenship in their country of residence. It's worth noting that the State Department mentions "a person who acquires a foreign citizenship by applying for it may lose U.S. citizenship." However, near as we can tell, that's the exception rather than the rule.

This unofficial FAQ on dual citizenship covers all the issues, including how to obtain dual citizenship.

If you have...became a citizen of another country after already having U.S. citizenship, and the other country in question does not have any laws or regulations requiring you to formally renounce your U.S. citizenship...then current U.S. law unambiguously assures your right to keep both citizenships for life. Before seeking dual citizenship, we suggest you get all the facts from a government official. Once you see the all paperwork involved, you may realize one country's enough.

****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Now there's a margarine for people over forty -- the middle-aged spread.

LAST CALL Y'ALL

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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