|
From Carlisle
,Indiana U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older than it is to get
wiser
TGIF
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3,2006
THOUGHT FOR
TODAYTo judge from
the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to
women are: (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract
men.
"I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a
"learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything
stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel
less stupid." --P. J. O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The supermarket
had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock
up. At the store, however, I was disap- pointed to find only a
few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained
to the butcher.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some
more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish
shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's
voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman
who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of
the store."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Are you aware
that Jeff Foxworthy is now picking on Michigan? Read on.
If you consider
it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and
sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in
Michigan. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
you might live in Michigan. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for
five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan. If someone in a
store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in
Michigan. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of
his forehead, you might live in Michigan. If you have worn shorts and a
coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan. If your town has an
equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan. If you
have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong
number, you might live in Michigan.
Part 2 - You know you're a true
MICHIGANDER when: 1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75. 2. You
measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer
more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events
(including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage
and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your
girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween
costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because
the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost
winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. You can identify
a southern or eastern accent. 13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a
statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 14. You were unaware that
there is a legal drinking age. 15. Down South to you means Ohio. 16. A
brat is something you eat. 17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his
new pole barn. 18. You go out to fish fry every Friday. 19. Your 4th of
July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 20. You have more miles on your
snow blower than your car. 21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 22.
You drink pop and bake with soda. 23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors
and you know it's not medicine. 24. You know what a Yooper is. 25. You
think owning a Honda is Un-American. 26 . You know that UP is a place, not a
direction. 27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb. 28. You
understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar
vest. 29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Michigan
friends ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When
everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and
said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true
heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated
by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women
were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were
dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who
truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said,
"You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of
your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your
purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the
one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man
replied, "My wife told me to stand
here". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The woman
applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the
job. 'Look, Miss,' said the foreman, "Do you have any experience in picking
lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been
divorced
three times!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I
remember Halloween. When I was a kid mom dressed me up six years
in a row as a tramp. High heels, fishnets, it was bad." --Dave
Letterman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Beverly
Hills is the worst place for trick-or-treating. It's a little
different here. The kids email you pictures of them in costumes.
Then they fax their candy list and you have it delivered by a
messenger." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "This week
the British government hired Al Gore as a global warming
adviser. Gore says he's looking forward to being completely
ignored in a new country." --Conan
O'Brien ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The
map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a country
vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past Yin
road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin Road
anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask
directions.
She stopped and asked at the next
farm. "I ain't never heard of no Yin Road." said the
farmer. "But ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy,
he's lived 'round here for better 'n 70 years."
"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"
"He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman and a
man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning. Both of
their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are
hurt.
God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their
cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left of them, but we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replies,
"Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from
God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My
car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
God wants
us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his
head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back
to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back
on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having
any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the
police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil
witches. Don't mess with
them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I
was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my
register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I
can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package,
and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I
like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted
me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been
opened." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A
girlfriend I used to have was raised in Sweden. Yet she spoke English without
an accent. However, every now and again, she would mix up some idiomatic
phrases. One day a man entered the office where she worked as a secretary.
Using a Swedish phrase, but not quite translating it right, she asked, "May I
help you take your clothes off?" The man, startled, stepped back. Realizing
what she had said, but trying to put him at ease, she added, "It's okay,
really.
I'm Swedish." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ During
mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I received several letters
from home. The drill instructor was getting irritated at having to keep
calling my name. "You must have a lot of people at home who like you, huh?"
he barked. "Sir, no, sir!" I shouted. "Oh, so you're calling me a
liar?" goaded the DI. Trained as a Marine to think quickly on my feet, I
yelled out, "Sir, creditors, sir! The DI had to leave the room to keep us
from seeing him laughing hysterically.
I dialed a number and got
the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for
caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a
message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the
changes." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A
West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a
young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many
cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The
cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his
car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR
V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a
GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he
then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital
photo in Adobe PhotoShop and exports it to an image processing! facility in
Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that
the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a
MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he
prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-! tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly
1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of
my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the
animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell
you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The
young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay,
why not?"
You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the
cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess
that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up
here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer
I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much
smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about
cows........ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I
was a stewardess for a while on a helicopter. For about five or
six people, tops, I'd ask, 'Would you like something to drink?
You would? Then we're going to have to land.'" --Rita
Rudner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At
pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep
the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you
make." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Little
Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet
tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you
didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the
recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces
without
asking." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aspire to
inspire before you
expire. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My wife
and I had words, but I didn't get to use
mine. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Noah was
standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of animals when
he saw three camels trying to get on board.
"Wait a minute!"
he said. "Two each is the limit. One of you will have to stay
behind."
"It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the
camel whose back is broken by the last straw."
"I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said
the second.
"And I am the one that shall pass through
the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven."
said the third.
"Well, I guess you had better all come in,"
said Noah, "the world is going to need all of you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As my five
year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car
accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer
for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should
pray." >From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God,
don't let those cars block the entrance to
McDonald's." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frustration
is trying to find your glasses without your
glasses. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blessed
are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The
irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way
around, you're not going
anywhere. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little
Johnny breaks wind in the classroom again. This is not the first time he has
done this and his teacher gets really upset with him this time and sends him
out. He goes and sits outside the class but he can't stop
laughing.
The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.
He says, "Now, Johnny, what are you doing sitting out here laughing
?"
Little Johnny says, "I broke wind in class and Miss threw me
out"
The principle says, "Quite rightly! So, why are you laughing
?"
Little Johnny says, "Cause those silly buggars are still sitting
in class with the result of my effort, and they put me outside in
this beautiful fresh
air!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Safety is
a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So
I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise.
"Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is
in our parking lot?"
The long silence that followed was
interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you
mean coming in to work or
leaving?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A
man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old
son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The
man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining
the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him
ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man
walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any
questions?" "Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was
that calf going when he hit that
cow?"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's
ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Blood test may diagnose
Alzheimer's
LONDON, -- British scientists say they
are moving closer to finding a blood test that can detect the
existence of Alzheimer's disease before it becomes symptomatic.
Scien- tists at King's College London's Institute of
Psychiatry report finding levels of two types of protein found
in the blood can indicate an increased risk of having
the disease, The Scotsman reported Monday. Tests found
an increased level of those proteins was present only
with patients suffering from the disease. The researchers
say their discovery might eventually lead to a blood test
to diagnose the likelihood of developing the disease
in later life. The study appears in the journal
Brain.
Enzyme involved in
allergic diseases found
RICHMOND, Va., -- A U.S.
research team says it has identi- fied an enzyme involved in
allergic reactions, possibly providing a new target for the
treatment of such maladies. The scientists from Virginia
Commonwealth University, the Hospital for Special Surgery and
Weill Cornell Medical College in New York note allergic diseases
such as asthma and hay fever afflict about 30 percent of people
in the developed world -- and allergic reactions are the
sixth leading cause of chronic disease in the United States.
The team has demonstrated, for the first time, the role of
a proteolytic enzyme called ADAM10 that releases a
major allergy regulatory protein from the surface of cells
and, thereby, promotes a stronger allergic response. "Our
re- search, for the first time, may represent a
treatment strategy to prevent, rather than simply control,
IgE-med- iated allergy," said VCU Professor Daniel Conrad. IgE
is an antibody known to trigger Type I allergic
disease. "Understanding ADAM10's role in allergic disease makes
it a potential target for the design of drugs to treat
asthma and allergic disease." The research appears online in
the journal Nature
Immunology.
Scientists work
on antiaging drugs
CAMBRIDGE, Mass., -- Researchers
in Massachusetts are test- ing drugs that mimic the properties
of a substance in red wine called resveratrol that is believed
to combat aging. Preliminary tests show resveratrol has the same
effect as cutting calorie intake by a third which scientists
say boosts the life spans animals by as much as 40
percent, The Wall Street Journal reports. The focus of coming
up with a drug that has the same effects as resveratrol
is not to extend life but rather to develop therapies
for diseases since the Food and Drug Administration
doesn't recognize aging as a problem. However, if a drug can
re- tard aging, it might delay the onset and possibly
the progression of age-related diseases, says University
of Illinois epidemiologist S. Jay Olshansky. Interest in
re- sveratrol began three years ago when a group at
Harvard reported that it boosted the life of yeast cells by
70 percent. Today, Cambridge-based Sirtris
Pharmaceuticals and Elixir Pharmaceuticals are among companies
working on development of drugs that mimic calorie
restriction.
*****Fred.....The Ole
Fritbear!!!***** SENIORS HAVE PLENTY RIDING ON THIS
ELECTION
By Frank Kaiser Who shall it be? Seldom in my 70
years has there been an election with so many senior issues on the block.
Privatize Social Security. Eliminate Medicare’s donut hole or, eliminate
Medicare. Legalize importing affordable drugs. Increase our minimum wage. (One
in five of us over 65 works, often for diddly-squat.)
And, perhaps, most important to those of us who
still remember a government that was of, by, and especially for the people:
Rescue our democracy.
The issues are clear. But whom shall we vote for?
The Republicans…
— Who failed to pass any substantive legislation
this term except to provide half the money to fence one-third of our southern
border?
— Who buried every bill that would have improved
seniors’ lives?
— Who pushed our country to the brink of
bankruptcy?
— Who refused to demand even minimal competence and
planning from their leaders?
— Who shamed themselves and our nation by voting
for torture and against Constitutional and human rights dating back to 1215
A.D.?
— Who are so morally crippled that they've
sacrificed our treasury, our jobs, our homeland, even our safety to oil,
chemical, timber, mining, insurance, pharmaceutical, and defense corporations
for the sake of a buck, a free trip, or casual sexual companionship?
— And who seem incapable of contrition for past
mistakes — witness New Orleans, Afghanistan and Iraq — and blind to the certain
future catastrophe of warring with Iran?
Or the Democrats…
— Who are equally opportunistic, equally
susceptible to scandal?
— Who fear the Republican press and propaganda
machine more than they fear losing, not just elections but democracy itself?
— Who haven't the courage to get behind a single
original idea to save their political skins?
— Who silently and uncannily blend into the
Congressional woodwork while the majority party gives away the store?
— And who cower from any discussion of the plight
of the aged poor, the uneducated, the uninsured, and the dispossessed, those
unfortunates who once were the heartbeat of the party?
Today, both parties appear to take orders from the
same boss. No, not we the people, but corporations that value their own profits
far more than they value their own country.
Tough choice.
Lose Medicare and Social Security?
Where’s a third-party superman like Teddy Roosevelt
when we need him? Unfortunately, our two major parties have made third parties
all but impossible in this country.
If we decide that status quo is as good as we can
get, we must prepare ourselves for completely privatized Medicare and Social
Security, for a likely attack on Iran while Iraq and Afghanistan fall into a pit
of death and sorrow, and for further “inalienable” rights to be suspended for
the duration of an unending war.
And somewhere down the road, we must steel
ourselves for a calamitous economic collapse when China and others (we even owe
Mexico!) demand repayment of debt — all that money Congress has been squandering
wildly these last six years for wars, tax cuts and corporate favors.
The other day, I asked a friend who is active in
the Democratic establishment what the heck was wrong with his party. He
responded, "The Democrats lack heart, lack vision, lack leadership and, in my
view, lack a coherent plan of how to maximize their resources."
That's not promising.
The Republicans, on the other hand, are unexcelled
at winning elections. Problem is, we can’t expect a party to govern well that is
cynical toward democracy — witness recent unabashed gerrymandering and election
tampering — and dead-set against the power of government to help folks.
One thing is clear. The party in power is inept.
Like a favorite old aunt who no longer can be trusted with money, we must take
away their checkbook.
If the Democrats win power in both houses of
Congress, they must quickly find their groove. They must realize that they have
to perform like the patriots they once were or risk losing everything in 2008.
So what should one do? We all know the stakes, the
choices. We can hold our noses if we must, but we can’t not vote.
Personally as a registered Independent who over the
years has voted Democratic, Republican, even — and as a person who has closely
watched seniors’ and others’ rights dwindle over the last six years — I’ll vote
for change.
Copyright © 2006 — Frank Kaiser
GET SUDDENLY SENIOR EVERY FRIDAY. SIMPLY SEND A
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RECENT POLITICAL COLUMNS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
How to Fix Plan D Overnight I called my Congressman
today to ask him how big his donut hole is. Guess what? He doesn't have a donut
hole. Nor does he have to pay out of pocket for drugs not covered. In fact, the
People's House lives by very different rules than you and I. Is that fair? Read
Frank's modest proposal. Seniors Bankrupting America? Greedy geezers get blamed
for all America's financial ills these days. What with gazillions going for
Social Security, Medicare, and a host of other programs promoting greed and
sloth among us old poops, seems there's hardly anything left for political pork,
corporate welfare, and war. Geezers’ Guide to Bribery for Fun and Profit Tired
of getting 5% interest? Here’s how to get 50,000%, just like the big guys. And
how to save democracy while you’re at it. Aliens in Congress Wouldn't that
explain a lot? Who else but aliens, posing as "representatives of the people,"
would dismiss their constituents' biggest problems, listening only to and voting
only for those who give them big money? For proof, read Plan D! NEW AT SUDDENLY
SENIOR THIS WEEK!
"WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN MEDICARE'S 2007 PART D" —
November’s Suddenly Senior “Letter of the Month.“
“THE COMING HEALTHCARE DEBACLE“ — This week Tom
Braun‘s “Confessions of a Drug Pusher” says "I'm predicting that the changes in
CMS rules for labor services will cause many drugstores and physicians to hang
out signs saying ‘Sorry, out of business. Closed due to CMS.‘“
**** Reader's Submissions
****
A Time to Be Silent
A pilot had turned off his radio in
order to elude the enemy, but as he came across the channel, he turned it on
again and began turning the dial to find the proper frequency, which changed
from time to time.
His plane was almost out of petrol, and he was terrified
of what might happen if he ran out and did not find his way precisely toward the
goal he was seeking.
As he twiddled the dial, he broke out in perspiration.
Finally, he caught a faint signal and adjusted the dial. The signal came in
strong and clear.
He changed his flight path onto the signal and landed
safely at his airport.
We're all trying to do that in life. We're trying to
pick up those signals that tell us who we are, what direction we ought to be
headed, and where home is.
As we fiddle with the dial and adjust the signal
receiver in our lives, we begin to hear in the stillness and the quietness a
voice telling us where home is.
We are able to readjust our patterns and head homeward.
That's the promise of the text. If we will be still, we
will know that God is God; we will know which way to go toward
God.
-- John
Killinger
**** ON THIS DAY
****
**** HEADS
UP FOLKS **** These Are My
Causes Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram in exchange for
advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link
for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U
Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this jim4615@earthlink.net Subject
Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
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Truck foes bow to Bowyer |
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Nextel Cup rookie outruns Skinner for pole position at
Texas. |
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New gears for Herta |
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Notes: Indy-car vet shifts to ALMS; Fernandez IRL team
in limbo. |
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NASCAR's pass progress |
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Statistics study reveals 18.1% increase in overtaking
this year. |
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-3-
Fabor Robison, record company executive/talent manager born
Beebe, AR 1911.
Leon Huff, "Light Crust Doughboys," born Whitesboro, TX
1912.
John Maddox, of "Maddox Brothers & Rose," born Boaz, AL
1915.
Ray Edenton, studio musician, born Mineral, VA 1926.
Marty Robbins recorded "Singing the Blues" in 1955. It became
his fifth chart record, and first #1.
Johnny Bush released "Your Kind Of Love," 1958.
Merle Haggard was paroled from San Quentin Prison, after serving
two years and nine months of a five year sentence, 1960. The remaining
two years and three months of the sentence were served on parole.
Jimmie Rodgers, Fred Rose, and Hank Williams, are the first
inductees into the CMHF 1961.
Duane Eddy's single "Dance With The Guitar Man" charted
1962.
Dolly Parton's "Jolene," debuted on the chart 1973.
Reba McEntire's "You Lie" topped the charts 1990.
John Denver's final album "The Unplugged Collection" was
released in the UK 1997.
Cameron Zane Chestnut debuted in the lives of Mark, and Tracie
Chestnut in 1998. Cameron is their third child.
Dream Works released Linda Davis' album "I'm Yours" 1998.
Mercury released Billy Ray Cyrus' album "Shot Full of Love"
1998.
Champ Hood, age 43, singer/songwriter, died in Texas 2001.
Bob Dylan, Shel Silverstein, and Dean Dillon, inducted NSHF
2002.
Sammy Kershaw and Lorrie Morgan petition the court for Orders of
Protection against each other in 2003. The couple was married in
2001.
Tim McGraw and wife Faith Hill, were involved in a traffic
accident on their way to CMA rehearsals in Nashville, TN 2003. There were
no injuries.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
STEVE
WARINER SURGERY A SUCCESS
Steve Wariner underwent successful
gall bladder surgery at a Nashville hospital, Wednesday, Nov. 1.
November 2, 2006 – The Grand Ole Opry star and CMA award-winning
songwriter and performer is resting comfortably, according to wife Caryn. Steve
will be forced to miss the upcoming BMI Awards and a reunion of past CMA award
winners this weekend.
Alabama
Grabs Top Spot Again
November 2, 2006--The guys in Alabama
must have a feeling of d?j? vu right now. After selling over 73 million albums,
winning countless awards and being inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame,
the quartet can now put yet another notch in its musical belt. Their new CD,
Songs of Inspiration, sold over 44,000 units and debuted at No. 1 on Billboard's
Top Country Albums chart. The feat marked the first time an Alabama album
entered the chart in the top spot since the inception of SoundScan in 1991.
"We really didn’t know what to expect, since we’ve been off the road and
hadn’t put out any new music for so long," said lead singer Randy Owen. "When I
first heard about this, I couldn’t believe it. It’s very humbling to see how
dedicated the Alabama fans are."
The 15-track album includes traditional
hymns, standards and two original songs as well as a beautiful rendition of
"Silent Night." Special guests included Ralph Stanley, Gospel standouts The
Isaacs and three granddaughters of Alabama’s Teddy Gentry. The collection was
simultaneously released by RCA Records to traditional retailers and by Provident
Music Group to the Christian retail outlets.
"These songs have been
'hits' for hundreds of years, and our hope was to just carry them along in the
same tradition," added Randy. "They’ll be around long after we’re gone, and I
hope what we did with these songs will fit in somewhere in a good spot in
history."
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
Brown Sugar Fudge
3 cups brown sugar 1 cup evaporated milk 1 tablespoon light
corn syrup 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 cup chopped nuts 3 tablespoons
butter
In a medium saucepan (2 to 3-quart size), combine brown sugar
with evaporated milk and corn syrup; bring to a boil, stirring
constantly. Continue boiling, stirring frequently, to soft ball stage or when
candy thermometer registers 234° to 238°. Remove from heat and add vanilla
and butter; do not stir.
Let cool for about 25 minutes, then beat with a
wooden spoon until the fudge just begins to thicken. Add chopped nuts and
beat for a few more minutes, until it begins to lose its gloss but is not too
thick. Pour or spread in a greased pie plate or 8-inch square pan. Score when
set and cut into squares when firm.
Thick Sugar
Cookies
Makes about 5-6 dozen standard-sized
cookie cutter shapes
2 cups margarine or butter 2 1/4
cups sugar 3 eggs 1 1/2 tsp. Vanilla 6 cups flour 3/4 tsp. Salt
4 Tbsp. Milk
Divide dough in half (or sixths).
Chill 1 hour. Roll out half of dough 1/8 To 1/4 inch thick. Use greased
cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 Minutes. These can be frosted.
==
Buttercream Frosting
1 1/4 cup Crisco shortening (only use
Crisco) 2 lbs. Powdered sugar 1 tsp salt 1/2 cup water 2 Tbsp
Karo light corn syrup 1 tsp butter flavoring 1 tsp vanilla
Beat 5 to 10 minutes with a power
mixer until very smooth. Water down a Small amount for a crumb coat if frosting
a cake. After 20 minutes (when Set), frost with remainder of frosting. When
set, use paper towel or typing Paper to set desired surface texture. This is
fluffy enough to frost easily, Yet stiff enough for keeping its shape for
decorating.
**** TODAY'S USELESS
FACT ****
Where did the
phrase "cat got your tongue" come from?
We aren't sure, but we do know one thing:
Curiosity killed the cat. Despite that, we dove into etymology's muddy waters
to find you an answer.
As is often the case with idioms, no one's
positive of the origins of "cat got your tongue." However, there's no shortage
of theories. Here are a few, in no particular order...
Theory #1: The
saying comes from the Middle East, where as punishment, liars had their tongues
ripped out and fed to the king's cats.
Theory #2: Fear of a whipping with
a cat-o'-nine-tails, or "cat" for short, could paralyze a victim into
silence.
Theory #3: The expression comes from the Middle Ages when
witches were greatly feared and often put to death. It was believed that if you
saw a witch, her cat would somehow "steal" or control your tongue so you
couldn't report the sighting.
So there you have it -- sort of. This list
is by no means exhaustive, and there are probably at least a half a dozen more
possible explanations. Let's just leave it at this: "Like the history of the
word 'cat' itself, the origins of some of these expressions are as mysterious as
the Sphinx."
****A PARTING THOUGHT
**** My husband plays golf
religiously. That means anytime he makes a good shot, it's considered a
miracle.
 LAST CALL
Y'ALL
A man lived in the country where the roads were very
winding and there are very few lights. He had a late arriving flight (2 am)
and asked me to pick him up at the airport. I agreed, and since the roads
were very dark I was driving very slowing, when all of a sudden I hit
something!
Since I hadn't seen anything in my headlights, I thought I
must have hit a skunk, raccoon or some other small animal. I got out of the
car and looked around but could see nothing.
Just as I was about to
get back in the car I saw a small animal under the tire. I had hit a baby
pig. I looked around but I could see no houses from which this pig could
have come. I felt bad for the pig, but I was running late and I had to get
myself to the airport. I picked up the pig, put him on the side of the road,
said a prayer for him and promised myself I'd come back for him
later.
I got to the airport in plenty of time, and while I was waiting
for the plane to arrive, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was a state
trooper, who said to me, "I want to talk to you about the pig you just
hit."
I was astonished and asked him, "That happened less than half
an hour ago, how did you track me down so soon?"
He replied, "The pig
squealed."
  HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
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