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Subject: The Daily Funnies - November04, 2006




From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to T
he Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser


TGIF
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3,
2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAYTo judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are: (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men.




"I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning  
experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid  
I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less  
stupid." --P. J. O'Rourke  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and  
I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disap-  
pointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of  
the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.  

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have  
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."  

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom  
over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was  
looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the  
store."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you aware that Jeff Foxworthy is now picking on Michigan? Read on.

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
you might live in Michigan.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might
live in Michigan.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year,
you might live in Michigan.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you
might live in Michigan.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Michigan.
If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in
Michigan.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in
Michigan.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when:
1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use
them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You drink pop and bake with soda.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.
24. You know what a Yooper is.
25. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.
26 . You know that UP is a place, not a direction.
27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a
Kevlar vest.
29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
Michigan friends
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared
and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were
true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were
dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was
only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the
head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled
your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
qualified for the job. 'Look, Miss,' said the foreman, "Do you have any
experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three
times!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I remember Halloween. When I was a kid mom dressed me up  
six years in a row as a tramp. High heels, fishnets, it  
was bad." --Dave Letterman 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beverly Hills is the worst place for trick-or-treating.  
It's a little different here. The kids email you pictures  
of them in costumes. Then they fax their candy list and  
you have it delivered by a messenger." --Jay Leno  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This week the British government hired Al Gore as a global  
warming adviser. Gore says he's looking forward to being  
completely ignored in a new country." --Conan O'Brien 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a  
country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past  
Yin road.  Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin  
Road anywhere!  Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask  
directions.  

She stopped and asked at the next farm.  "I ain't never  
heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer.  "But ya might try  
askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for  
better 'n 70 years."  

"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"  

"He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's
interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left
of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must
be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants

us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and
then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately
puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil witches.
Don't mess with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up
to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open
this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked.
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the
merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them."
Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me.
"Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girlfriend I used to have was raised in Sweden. Yet she spoke
English without an accent. However, every now and again, she would mix
up some idiomatic phrases.
One day a man entered the office where she worked as a
secretary. Using a Swedish phrase, but not quite translating it right,
she asked, "May I help you take your clothes off?"
The man, startled, stepped back. Realizing what she had said,
but trying to put him at ease, she added, "It's okay, really. I'm
Swedish."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I
received several letters from home. The drill instructor was getting
irritated at having to keep calling my name.
"You must have a lot of people at home who like you, huh?" he
barked.
"Sir, no, sir!" I shouted.
"Oh, so you're calling me a liar?" goaded the DI.
Trained as a Marine to think quickly on my feet, I yelled out,
"Sir, creditors, sir!
The DI had to leave the room to keep us from seeing him laughing
hysterically.


I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available
right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not
return your call, you are one of the changes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A West Texas cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when
suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,
"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a
NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation
system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another
NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe PhotoShop and
exports it to an image processing! facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-! tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to
the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says
the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much
smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I was a stewardess for a while on a helicopter. For about  
five or six people, tops, I'd ask, 'Would you like something  
to drink? You would? Then we're going to have to land.'"  
 --Rita Rudner 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep
the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his
sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope
you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."
"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it,
and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Noah was standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of  
animals when he saw three camels trying to get on board.  

"Wait a minute!" he said. "Two each is the limit. One of you  
will have to stay behind."  

"It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the camel whose  
back is broken by the last straw."  

"I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said  
the second.  

"And I am the one that shall pass through the eye of a needle  
sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven." said the third.  

"Well, I guess you had better all come in," said Noah, "the  
world is going to need all of you."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a
car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a
prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We
should pray."
>From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let
those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way
around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny breaks wind in the classroom again. This is not the first
time he has done this and his teacher gets really upset with him this
time and sends him out. He goes and sits outside the class but he can't
stop laughing.

The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says,
"Now, Johnny, what are you doing sitting out here laughing ?"

Little Johnny says, "I broke wind in class and Miss threw me out"

The principle says, "Quite rightly! So, why are you laughing ?"

Little Johnny says, "Cause those silly buggars are still sitting in
class with the result of my effort, and they put me outside in this
beautiful fresh air!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where  
I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I  
supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the  
speed limit is in our parking lot?"  

The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of  
them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work  
or leaving?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he
noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the
fence, soaking in the whole event.  The man thought,
"Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining
the birds and bees.  No need to jump the gun - I'll just
let him ask, and I'll answer."    After everything was
over, the man walked over to his son and said,  
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?" 

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

 Blood test may diagnose Alzheimer's  

LONDON, -- British scientists say they are moving closer  
to finding a blood test that can detect the existence of  
Alzheimer's disease before it becomes symptomatic. Scien-  
tists at King's College London's Institute of Psychiatry  
report finding levels of two types of protein found in  
the blood can indicate an increased risk of having the  
disease, The Scotsman reported Monday. Tests found an  
increased level of those proteins was present only with  
patients suffering from the disease. The researchers say  
their discovery might eventually lead to a blood test to  
diagnose the likelihood of developing the disease in  
later life.  The study appears in the journal Brain.   

Enzyme involved in allergic diseases found  

RICHMOND, Va., -- A U.S. research team says it has identi-  
fied an enzyme involved in allergic reactions, possibly  
providing a new target for the treatment of such maladies.  
The scientists from Virginia Commonwealth University, the  
Hospital for Special Surgery and Weill Cornell Medical  
College in New York note allergic diseases such as asthma  
and hay fever afflict about 30 percent of people in the  
developed world -- and allergic reactions are the sixth  
leading cause of chronic disease in the United States. The  
team has demonstrated, for the first time, the role of a  
proteolytic enzyme called ADAM10 that releases a major  
allergy regulatory protein from the surface of cells and,  
thereby, promotes a stronger allergic response. "Our re-  
search, for the first time, may represent a treatment  
strategy to prevent, rather than simply control, IgE-med-  
iated allergy," said VCU Professor Daniel Conrad. IgE is  
an antibody known to trigger Type I allergic disease.  
"Understanding ADAM10's role in allergic disease makes it  
a potential target for the design of drugs to treat asthma  
and allergic disease." The research appears online in the  
journal Nature Immunology.   

Scientists work on antiaging drugs  

CAMBRIDGE, Mass., -- Researchers in Massachusetts are test-  
ing drugs that mimic the properties of a substance in red  
wine called resveratrol that is believed to combat aging.  
Preliminary tests show resveratrol has the same effect as  
cutting calorie intake by a third which scientists say  
boosts the life spans animals by as much as 40 percent,  
The Wall Street Journal reports. The focus of coming up  
with a drug that has the same effects as resveratrol is  
not to extend life but rather to develop therapies for  
diseases since the Food and Drug Administration doesn't  
recognize aging as a problem. However, if a drug can re-  
tard aging, it might delay the onset and possibly the  
progression of age-related diseases, says University of  
Illinois epidemiologist S. Jay Olshansky. Interest in re-  
sveratrol began three years ago when a group at Harvard  
reported that it boosted the life of yeast cells by 70  
percent. Today, Cambridge-based Sirtris Pharmaceuticals  
and Elixir Pharmaceuticals are among companies working  
on development of drugs that mimic calorie restriction.
  


*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
SENIORS HAVE PLENTY RIDING ON THIS ELECTION

By Frank Kaiser Who shall it be? Seldom in my 70 years has there been an election with so many senior issues on the block. Privatize Social Security. Eliminate Medicare’s donut hole or, eliminate Medicare. Legalize importing affordable drugs. Increase our minimum wage. (One in five of us over 65 works, often for diddly-squat.)

And, perhaps, most important to those of us who still remember a government that was of, by, and especially for the people: Rescue our democracy.

The issues are clear. But whom shall we vote for?

The Republicans…

— Who failed to pass any substantive legislation this term except to provide half the money to fence one-third of our southern border?

— Who buried every bill that would have improved seniors’ lives?

— Who pushed our country to the brink of bankruptcy?

— Who refused to demand even minimal competence and planning from their leaders?

— Who shamed themselves and our nation by voting for torture and against Constitutional and human rights dating back to 1215 A.D.?

— Who are so morally crippled that they've sacrificed our treasury, our jobs, our homeland, even our safety to oil, chemical, timber, mining, insurance, pharmaceutical, and defense corporations for the sake of a buck, a free trip, or casual sexual companionship?

— And who seem incapable of contrition for past mistakes — witness New Orleans, Afghanistan and Iraq — and blind to the certain future catastrophe of warring with Iran?

Or the Democrats…

— Who are equally opportunistic, equally susceptible to scandal?

— Who fear the Republican press and propaganda machine more than they fear losing, not just elections but democracy itself?

— Who haven't the courage to get behind a single original idea to save their political skins?

— Who silently and uncannily blend into the Congressional woodwork while the majority party gives away the store?

— And who cower from any discussion of the plight of the aged poor, the uneducated, the uninsured, and the dispossessed, those unfortunates who once were the heartbeat of the party?

Today, both parties appear to take orders from the same boss. No, not we the people, but corporations that value their own profits far more than they value their own country.

Tough choice.

Lose Medicare and Social Security?

Where’s a third-party superman like Teddy Roosevelt when we need him? Unfortunately, our two major parties have made third parties all but impossible in this country.

If we decide that status quo is as good as we can get, we must prepare ourselves for completely privatized Medicare and Social Security, for a likely attack on Iran while Iraq and Afghanistan fall into a pit of death and sorrow, and for further “inalienable” rights to be suspended for the duration of an unending war.

And somewhere down the road, we must steel ourselves for a calamitous economic collapse when China and others (we even owe Mexico!) demand repayment of debt — all that money Congress has been squandering wildly these last six years for wars, tax cuts and corporate favors.

The other day, I asked a friend who is active in the Democratic establishment what the heck was wrong with his party. He responded, "The Democrats lack heart, lack vision, lack leadership and, in my view, lack a coherent plan of how to maximize their resources."

That's not promising.

The Republicans, on the other hand, are unexcelled at winning elections. Problem is, we can’t expect a party to govern well that is cynical toward democracy — witness recent unabashed gerrymandering and election tampering — and dead-set against the power of government to help folks.

One thing is clear. The party in power is inept. Like a favorite old aunt who no longer can be trusted with money, we must take away their checkbook.

If the Democrats win power in both houses of Congress, they must quickly find their groove. They must realize that they have to perform like the patriots they once were or risk losing everything in 2008.

So what should one do? We all know the stakes, the choices. We can hold our noses if we must, but we can’t not vote.

Personally as a registered Independent who over the years has voted Democratic, Republican, even — and as a person who has closely watched seniors’ and others’ rights dwindle over the last six years — I’ll vote for change.

Copyright © 2006 — Frank Kaiser

GET SUDDENLY SENIOR EVERY FRIDAY. SIMPLY SEND A BLANK E-MAIL TO GET- SS@SUDDENLYSENIOR.COM

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RECENT POLITICAL COLUMNS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

How to Fix Plan D Overnight I called my Congressman today to ask him how big his donut hole is. Guess what? He doesn't have a donut hole. Nor does he have to pay out of pocket for drugs not covered. In fact, the People's House lives by very different rules than you and I. Is that fair? Read Frank's modest proposal. Seniors Bankrupting America? Greedy geezers get blamed for all America's financial ills these days. What with gazillions going for Social Security, Medicare, and a host of other programs promoting greed and sloth among us old poops, seems there's hardly anything left for political pork, corporate welfare, and war. Geezers’ Guide to Bribery for Fun and Profit Tired of getting 5% interest? Here’s how to get 50,000%, just like the big guys. And how to save democracy while you’re at it. Aliens in Congress Wouldn't that explain a lot? Who else but aliens, posing as "representatives of the people," would dismiss their constituents' biggest problems, listening only to and voting only for those who give them big money? For proof, read Plan D! NEW AT SUDDENLY SENIOR THIS WEEK!

"WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN MEDICARE'S 2007 PART D" — November’s Suddenly Senior “Letter of the Month.“

“THE COMING HEALTHCARE DEBACLE“ — This week Tom Braun‘s “Confessions of a Drug Pusher” says "I'm predicting that the changes in CMS rules for labor services will cause many drugstores and physicians to hang out signs saying ‘Sorry, out of business. Closed due to CMS.‘“

 

**** Reader's Submissions ****

A Time to Be Silent

  A pilot had turned off his radio in order to elude the enemy, but as he came across the channel, he turned it on again and began turning the dial to find the proper frequency, which changed from time to time.

His plane was almost out of petrol, and he was terrified of what might happen if he ran out and did not find his way precisely toward the goal he was seeking.

As he twiddled the dial, he broke out in perspiration. Finally, he caught a faint signal and adjusted the dial. The signal came in strong and clear.

He changed his flight path onto the signal and landed safely at his airport.   

We're all trying to do that in life. We're trying to pick up those signals that tell us who we are, what direction we ought to be headed, and where home is.

As we fiddle with the dial and adjust the signal receiver in our lives, we begin to hear in the stillness and the quietness a voice telling us where home is.

We are able to readjust our patterns and head homeward.

That's the promise of the text. If we will be still, we will know that God is God; we will know which way to go toward God.  

 -- John Killinger

**** ON THIS DAY ****

[] 
**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

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Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
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It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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[] 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
Chase contenders in last-gasp run for title
Kenseth, Johnson poised

Truck foes bow to Bowyer
Nextel Cup rookie outruns Skinner for pole position at Texas.
New gears for Herta
Notes: Indy-car vet shifts to ALMS; Fernandez IRL team in limbo.
NASCAR's pass progress
Statistics study reveals 18.1% increase in overtaking this year.

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-3-

Fabor Robison, record company executive/talent manager born Beebe, AR 1911.

Leon Huff, "Light Crust Doughboys," born Whitesboro, TX 1912.

John Maddox, of "Maddox Brothers & Rose," born Boaz, AL 1915.

Ray Edenton, studio musician, born Mineral, VA 1926.

Marty Robbins recorded "Singing the Blues" in 1955. It became his fifth chart record, and first #1.

Johnny Bush released "Your Kind Of Love," 1958.

Merle Haggard was paroled from San Quentin Prison, after serving two years and nine months of a five year sentence, 1960. The remaining two years and three months of the sentence were served on parole.

Jimmie Rodgers, Fred Rose, and Hank Williams, are the first inductees into the CMHF 1961.

Duane Eddy's single "Dance With The Guitar Man" charted 1962.

Dolly Parton's "Jolene," debuted on the chart 1973.

Reba McEntire's "You Lie" topped the charts 1990.

John Denver's final album "The Unplugged Collection" was released in the UK 1997.

Cameron Zane Chestnut debuted in the lives of Mark, and Tracie Chestnut in 1998. Cameron is their third child.

Dream Works released Linda Davis' album "I'm Yours" 1998.

Mercury released Billy Ray Cyrus' album "Shot Full of Love" 1998.

Champ Hood, age 43, singer/songwriter, died in Texas 2001.

Bob Dylan, Shel Silverstein, and Dean Dillon, inducted NSHF 2002.

Sammy Kershaw and Lorrie Morgan petition the court for Orders of Protection against each other in 2003. The couple was married in 2001.

Tim McGraw and wife Faith Hill, were involved in a traffic accident on their way to CMA rehearsals in Nashville, TN 2003. There were no injuries.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

STEVE WARINER SURGERY A SUCCESS

Steve Wariner underwent successful gall bladder surgery at a Nashville hospital, Wednesday, Nov. 1.

November 2, 2006 – The Grand Ole Opry star and CMA award-winning songwriter and performer is resting comfortably, according to wife Caryn. Steve will be forced to miss the upcoming BMI Awards and a reunion of past CMA award winners this weekend. 
 


Alabama Grabs Top Spot Again


November 2, 2006--The guys in Alabama must have a feeling of d?j? vu right now. After selling over 73 million albums, winning countless awards and being inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, the quartet can now put yet another notch in its musical belt. Their new CD, Songs of Inspiration, sold over 44,000 units and debuted at No. 1 on Billboard's Top Country Albums chart. The feat marked the first time an Alabama album entered the chart in the top spot since the inception of SoundScan in 1991.

"We really didn’t know what to expect, since we’ve been off the road and hadn’t put out any new music for so long," said lead singer Randy Owen. "When I first heard about this, I couldn’t believe it. It’s very humbling to see how dedicated the Alabama fans are."

The 15-track album includes traditional hymns, standards and two original songs as well as a beautiful rendition of "Silent Night." Special guests included Ralph Stanley, Gospel standouts The Isaacs and three granddaughters of Alabama’s Teddy Gentry. The collection was simultaneously released by RCA Records to traditional retailers and by Provident Music Group to the Christian retail outlets.

"These songs have been 'hits' for hundreds of years, and our hope was to just carry them along in the same tradition," added Randy. "They’ll be around long after we’re gone, and I hope what we did with these songs will fit in somewhere in a good spot in history."



**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Brown Sugar Fudge

3 cups brown sugar
1 cup evaporated milk
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts
3 tablespoons butter

In a medium saucepan (2 to 3-quart size), combine brown sugar with
evaporated milk and corn syrup; bring to a boil, stirring constantly.
Continue boiling, stirring frequently, to soft ball stage or when candy
thermometer registers 234° to 238°. Remove from heat and add
vanilla and butter; do not stir.

Let cool for about 25 minutes, then beat with a wooden spoon until the
fudge just begins to thicken. Add chopped nuts and beat for a few more
minutes, until it begins to lose its gloss but is not too thick. Pour or
spread in a greased pie plate or 8-inch square pan. Score when set and
cut into squares when firm.



Thick Sugar Cookies

Makes about 5-6 dozen standard-sized cookie cutter shapes

2 cups margarine or butter
2 1/4 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 tsp. Vanilla
6 cups flour
3/4 tsp. Salt
4 Tbsp. Milk

Divide dough in half (or sixths). Chill 1 hour. Roll out half of dough
1/8 To 1/4 inch thick. Use greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for
12 Minutes. These can be frosted.
==

Buttercream Frosting

1 1/4 cup Crisco shortening (only use Crisco)
2 lbs. Powdered sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup water
2 Tbsp Karo light corn syrup
1 tsp butter flavoring
1 tsp vanilla

Beat 5 to 10 minutes with a power mixer until very smooth. Water down a Small amount for a crumb coat if frosting a cake. After 20 minutes
(when Set), frost with remainder of frosting. When set, use paper towel or typing Paper to set desired surface texture. This is fluffy enough to frost easily, Yet stiff enough for keeping its shape for decorating.



**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Where did the phrase "cat got your tongue" come from?

We aren't sure, but we do know one thing: Curiosity killed the cat. Despite that, we dove into etymology's muddy waters to find you an answer.

As is often the case with idioms, no one's positive of the origins of "cat got your tongue." However, there's no shortage of theories. Here are a few, in no particular order...

Theory #1: The saying comes from the Middle East, where as punishment, liars had their tongues ripped out and fed to the king's cats.

Theory #2: Fear of a whipping with a cat-o'-nine-tails, or "cat" for short, could paralyze a victim into silence.

Theory #3: The expression comes from the Middle Ages when witches were greatly feared and often put to death. It was believed that if you saw a witch, her cat would somehow "steal" or control your tongue so you couldn't report the sighting.

So there you have it -- sort of. This list is by no means exhaustive, and there are probably at least a half a dozen more possible explanations. Let's just leave it at this: "Like the history of the word 'cat' itself, the origins of some of these expressions are as mysterious as the Sphinx."




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
My husband plays golf religiously. That means anytime he makes a good shot, it's considered a miracle.


LAST CALL Y'ALL

A man lived in the country where the roads were very winding and there are
very few lights. He had a late arriving flight (2 am) and asked me to pick
him up at the airport. I agreed, and since the roads were very dark I was
driving very slowing, when all of a sudden I hit something!

Since I hadn't seen anything in my headlights, I thought I must have hit a
skunk, raccoon or some other small animal. I got out of the car and looked
around but could see nothing.

Just as I was about to get back in the car I saw a small animal under the
tire. I had hit a baby pig. I looked around but I could see no houses
from which this pig could have come. I felt bad for the pig, but I was
running late and I had to get myself to the airport. I picked up the pig,
put him on the side of the road, said a prayer for him and promised myself
I'd come back for him later.

I got to the airport in plenty of time, and while I was waiting for the
plane to arrive, someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was a state
trooper, who said to me, "I want to talk to you about the pig you just
hit."

I was astonished and asked him, "That happened less than half an hour ago,
how did you track me down so soon?"

He replied, "The pig squealed."


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