"There was a huge accident today. Apparently a bunch of  
Republican candidates trying to distance themselves from  
President Bush ran into a bunch of Democrat candidates  
trying to distance themselves from John Kerry. They just  
collided in the middle. It was gruesome." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The marathon is on Sunday. The New York Marathon is the  
only place where you can find someone running and smoking  
at the same time." --Dave Letterman 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of  
global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of  
New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New  
Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you!  
It makes you look ten years younger."  

"Then I don't want it," retorted the matronly customer.  
"I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I  
take off my hat!"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."  

"Would you spell that, please?"  

"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea.  
E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."  

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's the 120th birthday of Statue of Liberty. She's the  
tallest, oldest woman in the New York City – except for  
Sigourney Weaver." --Dave Letterman  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The town of Clark, Texas has agreed to change its name to  
Dish, Texas after the dish network gave all its residence  
free dish satellite TV for the next ten years. This is the  
sort of thing that can backfire on a town - just ask the  
people of Betamax, Wyoming." --Jay Leno  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"John Kerry today apologized for his botched joke. Political  
analysts say that this has hurt Kerry's chances to run for  
president in 2008. Apparently his chances have gone from zero  
to below zero." --Conan O'Brien  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of  
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.  

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury  
that acts up once in a while."  

Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."  

Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000  
on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the  
television."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of  
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.  

Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury  
that acts up once in a while."  

Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."  

Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000  
on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the  
television."   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A lonely girl who was very forward worked in a bookstore
where one of the men that provided service for the store
was kind of cute.  During each service call she made every
effort to make sure she told him she was divorced and available.
One day she came out and ask him, "Are you married?"
He answered her and said, "Well actually, I'm involved with someone."
"Oh" she said disappointed, "seems like the good ones always are."
"Well", he said, "Actually I'm involved with a married woman."
"Oh, really!" she said with a renewed interest.
"Yeah," he says, "but unfortunately she's my wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While having dinner at a buffet-style restaurant, Jim announced to his family, "I have got to lose some weight. From now on I'm eating only healthy salads for dinner." As he held the hand of his three-and-a-half-year-old daughter Averi, she pointed to a pregnant woman in front of them in line. Loudly Averi said to her dad, "Look at that lady. She should eat only salads, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The church was packed, everybody was seated, the music was playing and our new pastor made his entrance. Unfamiliar with the church layout, he tripped over the step leading up to the altar, toppled forward into the pulpit and crashed to the floor. A few seconds later, he stood up, set his Bible on the altar and said, "This is the first time I've fallen head over heels for a congregation."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After my father moved out of the city to the country, a local farmer took him under his wing and taught him the basics of his new rural life. One day, as the winter wheat ripened, Dad went out to the field to check on his first crop. He took a pair of scissors with him so he could remove the wheat from the stalk to examine it more closely. A neighbor arrived just then and, seeing the scissors, quipped, "Harvesting already, I see."

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Anti-cancer virus kills brain cancer cells  

CALGARY, Alberta, -- Canadian researchers have found a  
cancer-fighting virus called VSV kills the most malignant  
form of brain cancer in mice. The University of Calgary  
researchers, led by medical oncologist Dr. Peter Forsyth,  
also discovered the virus can be given intravenously to  
target invasive tumor cells. The research team first mod-  
ified the virus by altering one of the genes to make it  
safer in normal cells, but still able to kill cancer  
cells. Using the intravenous method of delivery, they  
were able to target the main tumor, as well as the tumor  
cells that had spread from the main mass. The researchers  
tested VSV on 14 cell lines of malignant glioma and found  
the virus infected and killed all cell lines. The normal  
cell lines -- those not containing malignant glioma cells  
-- were not affected. The study is published in the  
November issue of the Journal of the National Cancer  
Institute.   

Study finds genetic risk for schizophrenia  

EDINBURGH, Scotland, -- Scottish scientists say a varia-  
tion in a gene linked with schizophrenia is associated  
with the occurrence of psychotic symptoms and cognitive  
deficits. The most notable symptoms of schizophrenia are  
delusions and hallucinations, but the full syndrome is  
preceded by milder psychotic behaviors and includes  
general cognitive deficits. During a 10-year period,  
Jeremy Hall and colleagues at the University of Edinburgh  
studied young people with schizophrenic relatives who,  
therefore, were at high risk of developing schizophrenia  
themselves. The researchers found people with a variant  
of the neuregulin 1, or NRG1, gene that's been previously  
associated with schizophrenia were more likely to develop  
psychotic symptoms and to have low IQ scores than those  
without the variant. Furthermore, they found people with  
the risky NRG1 variant showed lower activation in parts  
of the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain, as  
measured with functional magnetic resonance imaging. The  
findings suggest the behavioral and neural precursors of  
schizophrenia may have a significant genetic contribution,  
the researchers said. The study appears in the December  
issue of the journal Nature Neuroscience.   

FDA approves generic metronidazole  

WASHINGTON, -- The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has  
approved the first generic version of MetroGel-Vaginal  
(metronidazole), a treatment for bacterial vaginosis. The  
agency said its Wednesday action is an important step in  
its effort to increase the availability of lower-cost  
generic medications. Bacterial vaginosis is a condition  
in women that is characterized by vaginal discharge and  
results from an overgrowth of bacteria in the vagina.  
"This approval is another example of our agency's efforts  
to increase access to safe and effective generic versions  
of approved brand name drugs as soon as the law permits,"  
said Gary Buehler, director of the FDA's Office of Generic  
Drugs. "Metronidazole vaginal gel is a widely-used anti-  
bacterial preparation, and its generic version can bring  
significant savings to the millions of Americans with  
bacterial vaginosis." Metronidazole Vaginal Gel is manu-  
factured by QLT USA Inc. in Fort Collins, Colo. The com-  
pany is eligible for 180 days of generic drug exclusivity.  
The FDA said it may approve other applications after the  
exclusivity period has expired.  

**** Reader's Submissions ****

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.