A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business  
and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly  
Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.  

The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:  
"Quick...get me a translator."  

Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his  
name is, how old is he and where does he come from?"  

The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein  
namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"  

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect  
English with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir  
Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come  
from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at  
Oxford University."
The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr  
is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt,  
und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun  
Oxford."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American  
dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized  
t-shirt and sunglasses.  

The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing  
all the way out here dressed like that!?"  

"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.  

"But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab  
informed him.  

"Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle  
of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"John Kerry has been lying low too. Reporters have called  
him and all they get is his answering machine. They know  
it's Kerry's answering machine because it doesn't have a  
message." --Jay Leno   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"MSNBC is reporting that the average poll worker for this  
Tuesday's election will be 72, and that many seniors are  
not comfortable with computerized voting, which explains  
why the projected winner is expected to be Franklin Delano  
Roosevelt." --Conan O'Brien  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married next month  
in Italy. Their wedding is going to be at the Leaning Tower  
of Publicity." --Dave Letterman   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at  
a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rear-  
view mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. I  
handed the officer my license and made small talk while my  
wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration.  
"I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my  
wife handed me the paperwork.  

The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said  
gruffly, "this is not your registration."  

It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South  
Carolina.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta  
was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became  
available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and  
had them installed in our 19th-century home.  

Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know,  
these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel."  

He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are talking about job prospects:
"Well," says the priest, "there's a good chance that I'll be the next
bishop - maybe within the next couple of years."
"Bishop!" marvels the Rabbi, "very nice. And after that?"
"Oh, I don't know, I suppose it's possible I could become
Archbishop.. .given luck and god's blessing."
"Very nice, very nice; and after Archbishop?"
"Ha! Well, you know, it's Cardinal after that, but it's really very
unlikely. But in theory, I could become a Cardinal."
"Lovely!" enthuses the Rabbi, "the scarlet would suit your
complexion. So what's after Cardinal?"
The priest smiles: "After Cardinal? Well, it's Pope - but I'm hardly
likely to become... hmmm, oh I suppose it's just possible. If a Pole
why not an Englishman again? Yes, I could just become Pope."
"Splendid! And after Pope?"
The priest looks at him in surprise: "After Pope? There's nothing
after Pope! I mean, there's just god above the Pope - I can't become god."
"Why not? One of our boys made it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the
floor. "Morris, why can't you sleep?" she asks him.
"You know our next door neighbor, Sam. I borrowed $1000 from him, and
it's due tomorrow morning and I don't have the money..
I don't know what I'm going to do." Morris replies.
Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window. "Sam," she shouts, and
several times more, "Sam, Sam." Finally a very groggy Sam opens the
window opposite her and yells back, "What, what is it...it's 3 AM,
what do you want?"
Goldie says, "You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn't have it."
She then slams the window shut and turns to Morris and says, now you
go to sleep and let Sam pace the floor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Confrontation at the Vet's"

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Smoking Harms Kidney Function In Type 2 People With Diabetes  

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People with type 2 diabetes  
who smoke cigarettes are more than twice as likely as non-  
smokers to have impaired kidney function, research shows.  

The findings underscore the importance of helping diabetics  
kick the habit, Dr. Mauro Cignarelli of the University of  
Foggia in Italy and his colleagues write in the journal  
Diabetes Care.  

While smoking is known to damage the kidneys of individuals  
with type 1 diabetes, its effects have not been studied as  
extensively in people with type 2 diabetes.  

To investigate, the researchers looked at a measure of  
kidney function called glomerular filtration rate (GFR)  
in 158 smokers and 158 never-smokers, all of whom had type  
2 diabetes. GFR measures how quickly the tiny blood vessels  
in the kidneys are able to filter waste products out of the  
blood.  

Twelve percent of the non-smokers had a low GFR, the  
researchers found, compared to 21 percent of the smokers,  
making smokers 2.2 times more likely to have impaired  
kidney function. The effects were strongest in those who  
had had diabetes for the shortest time; in this group,  
smokers were more than four times as likely as non-smokers  
to have low GFR, indicating impaired kidney function.  

The researchers also found higher levels of tissue-damaging  
byproducts of metabolism known as oxygen free radicals in  
the smokers, which they suggest might have helped fuel the  
damage.  

"While waiting for prospective studies to clarify the  
relationship between smoking and kidney damage in diabetic  
patients, efforts to help type 2 diabetic patients to quit  
smoking are strongly recommended," Cignarelli and  
colleagues conclude.  

SOURCE: Diabetes Care, November 2006. 


Lasers not effective against vision loss  

BETHESDA, Md., -- Low-intensity laser treatment doesn't  
prevent vision loss from age-related macular degeneration,  
a study of U.S. eye centers showed. The study by the U.S.  
National Eye Institute in Bethesda, Md., showed the treat-  
ment did not stop -- or even slow down -- AMD-related  
vision loss, WebMD.com said. Paul A. Sieving, institute  
director, said doctors should reconsider using this treat-  
ment. Age-related macular degeneration is the leading  
cause of vision loss in the United States, WebMD.com said.  
Warning signs include deposits called drusen under the  
retina. For years, ophthalmologists tried to prevent AMD-  
related vision loss by blasting drusen with low-intensity  
lasers. The trial enrolled 1,052 people with drusen  
deposits in each eye, WebMD.com said. The patients were  
treated by laser in one eye but not the other. Five years  
later, researchers found no difference in vision between  
the two eyes. The research found that while the treatment  
didn't stop AMD-related vision loss, it didn't cause any  
harm, either, WebMD.com said. Results of the study are in  
the November issue of Ophthalmology.   
   
Canadians gaining weight at slower rate  

OTTAWA, -- While Canadian adults keep packing on the pounds,  
a new study said they're gaining weight at a slower rate.  
The report by Statistics Canada in Ottawa tracked the same  
group of people every two years on six occasions based on  
data from 1996-96 to 2004-05, Statistics Canada said. The  
survey participants self-reported weight gains or losses.  
During the survey's years of study, men gained an average  
of 8.8. pounds, while women gained an average of about 7.50  
pounds. While the results seem small, Statistics Canada said  
even a small shift in excess weight may affect the inci-  
dences of weight-related diseases. Weight changes were  
associated with sex, age and level of obesity as measured by  
the body mass index, the study said. In each two-year inter-  
val, people ages 18-33 reported greater average gains than  
did individuals ages 34-49. Older adults, ages 50-64,  
experienced smaller gains than 34-to-49-year-olds, the study  
said.   

Fatigue syndrome may have childhood roots  

ATLANTA, -- Chronic fatigue syndrome in adults may be link-  
ed to childhood trauma, U.S. and Swedish studies say. The  
studies suggest that there is a strong psychological compo-  
nent to the disorder characterized by unexplained fatigue,  
said researchers from Emory University in Atlanta and the  
Karolinska Institute in Stockholm. In the Emory study, par-  
ticipants were asked whether they had experienced neglect  
or emotional, physical or sexual abuse during their child-  
hood, said Christine Heim, one of the researchers. Those  
diagnosed with CFS were significantly more likely to have  
experienced childhood abuse, the team found. Heim said  
biological factors and life experiences probably both con-  
tribute to the disorder. She said it wasn't clear why  
trauma and stress may create a predisposition toward CFS,  
adding that early life experiences might influence brain  
development. The second study by Kenji Kato at the  
Karolinska Institute examined the records of more than  
19,000 twins born between 1935 and 1958, of whom 1,600  
were diagnosed with CFS. Kato said the team found that  
participants who reported having a stressful childhood  
were five times more likely to suffer from chronic  
fatigue syndrome.  

**** Reader's Submissions ****

Even in small things, the faith of a child can make a big difference.

By Joan Wester Anderson

We will probably never know how many disasters are averted because of the prayers of children. But because their faith is so pure (and Scripture says their angels "always see the face of the Father in heaven"), wonderful things can happen. Nancee Donavan agrees.

One morning, her second-grade daughter, Rebecca Lynn, was supposed to bring cookies for the class treat. But Nancee had gotten a late start baking, and the cookies weren't ready to take on the school bus. "I'll finish them, and drop them off at school way before lunch," Nancee promised.

Rebecca Lynn was not happy about this, but she kissed her Mom good-bye, and got on the bus. In an hour or so, the cookies were ready. Nancee's husband went out to start the car, as Nancee dressed the three-year-old, Jerry. But she didn't hear anything. Looking out, she realized that the car's engine wasn't turning over.

After about fifteen minutes, her husband came back. "The car's dead," he said. "I've tried everything but it won't start."

"What are we going to do now?" Nancy wondered aloud. "Rebecca is going to be so disappointed."

Little Jerry looked up. "We could pray!" he suggested, his eyes bright.

The adults looked at him. "Well,..." Nancee began.

But Jerry was already on his knees. "Please, God, make the car start!" he prayed.

Nancee's husband smiled. "I guess I'd better try it again."

He went out, turned the ignition key--and the engine sprang to life.

Astonished--and before the car could change its mind!--Nancee and Jerry jumped in, and they sped to school.

Nancee's husband kept the engine idling, as Nancee and Jerry brought the cookies to a delighted Rebecca, then ran back to the car. Next stop, the mechanic. He would be back in a few moments, they were told, so they sat down to wait.

Soon the mechanic returned, opened the hood and looked at the car. "Who towed this in?" he asked.

"No one," Nancee's husband replied. "We drove it here."

The mechanic shook his head. "You couldn't have done that. The battery is completely dead. It's ice cold."

The adults looked at each other.

What a Father they served, One who cared about every detail of their lives!

And what a lesson to remember, that God loves to give His children good things.

Even the littlest ones. "I have told many people about our miracle,"

Nancee says. "The prayers of children are amazing."