Honesty has ruined more marriages than infidelity

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Defective gene may cause heart arrhythmia  

HOUSTON, -- U.S. scientists say they've found an electri-  
cal imbalance caused by a malfunctioning gene results in  
a potentially fatal heart rhythm disorder. The medical  
study was conducted at Baylor College of Medicine in Waco,  
Texas, Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, the Mayo  
Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and the University of  
Wisconsin-Madison. The researchers say they are the first  
to isolate a gene called Caveolin-3, which influences the  
electrical-muscular impulses that drive the heart's rhythm.  
The scientists said a mutation of the gene can trigger  
arrhythmia that increases the risk of sudden cardiac  
death. "This is part of a totally new concept in which the  
structural part of the heart is intertwined and connected  
with the electrical part," said first author Dr. Matteo  
Vatta, assistant professor of pediatrics at Baylor and  
pediatric cardiac researcher at Texas Children's Hospital.  
"This is the missing link between the heart's electrical  
and muscular activities." He said the effect of the muta-  
tion might be enhanced by medications for unrelated con-  
ditions, such as asthma, increasing the risk of cardiac  
arrhythmia. The study's findings are reported online and  
in the Nov. 21 print edition of the journal Circulation.   

Scientists obtain images of retinal layers  

ATLANTA, -- U.S. scientists say they are the first to suc  
cessfully use magnetic resonance imaging in animal models  
to capture images of the eye's retinal layers. Scientists  
at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center at Emory  
University in Atlanta say their study may revolutionize  
the way retinal degenerative diseases are diagnosed and  
treated. Such diseases include retinitis pigmentosa,  
glaucoma, age-related macular degeneration and diabetic  
retinopathy. "Currently available technologies for captur-  
ing images of the retina ... allow doctors to view only  
surface vessels and structures," said lead researcher  
Timothy Duong, associate professor of neurology and radi-  
ology at Emory. "The most serious retinal diseases that  
cause vision loss, however, attack various cellular levels  
within the retina," said Duong. "Consequently, these dis-  
eases often are diagnosed only in the late stages, after  
irreversible damage has occurred." Duong and his team made  
improvements in MRI spatial resolution and sensitivity,  
enabling them to non-invasively image structural oxygena-  
tion and functional changes in rodent retinas and detect  
layer-specific changes in an animal model of retinitis  
pigmentosa, a degenerative disease that affects approx-  
imately 1.5 million people worldwide. The research  
appears in the online early edition of the Proceedings  
of the National Academy of Sciences.   

Study: Green plants share bacteria toxin  

DAVIS, Calif., -- U.S. scientists have determined Lipid A,  
a toxin that can make bacterial infections turn deadly, is  
also found in higher plants. Researchers at the University  
of California-Davis, the Marine Biology Laboratory at Woods  
Hole, Mass., and the University of Nebraska have found  
Lipid A in chloroplasts, which are structures that carry  
out photosynthesis within plant cells. "We've no idea what  
it's doing, but it must be something important because it's  
been retained for a billion years of evolution of plant  
chloroplasts," said Peter Armstrong, professor of molecular  
and cellular biology at the University of California-Davis  
and senior author of the paper. Before this study, bacteria  
were thought to be the only source of Lipid A. However, R.L.  
Pardy, professor at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln,  
recently found a similar molecule in Chlorella -- a single-  
celled relative of more advanced plants. Armstrong's lab at  
the University of California-Davis developed methods to  
visualize Lipid A in cells, using a protein from the immune  
system of the horseshoe crab, and the researchers began  
collaborating. The study appears in the October issue of  
the FASEB Journal, published by the Federation of American  
Scientists for Experimental Biology.  


*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****

A guy was playing golf at some fancy club, and just as he was about 
to tee off , a cart drives up. These two guys get out and hand him a 
note saying, "We are mute, may we play through?"

The guy says, "Hell no!", and tees off anyway.

Later on (after six shots), he is on the green about to putt when a 
ball comes from out of nowhere and misses his head by an inch. "What 
the @#$%^&*?", he yells.

The deaf guys drive up and hand him a note. On the note is written, 
"FORE".

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FROM LATE NIGHT SHOWS ....
"On this day in 1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected in a three way race. 
President Bush today said that he admired Lincoln. Because of 
inventing the penny. The Lincoln Town Car. And of course because of 
Lincoln Logs." --Jay Leno

"Democrats are favored to win most races. As a matter of fact, the 
only Republican in Washington whose seat is safe is Lincoln." --David 
Letterman

"This week, a woman whose car was swept away in a flash flood said 
she survived because of something she saw on a 'Fear Factor' episode. 
Those reality shows really are lifesavers. It's only by watching 
'Extreme Makeover' that I realized I looked stupid with bangs." --
Dennis Miller

"I worked some gigs in the Deep South--Alabama--You talk about 
Darwin’s waiting room. There are guys in Alabama who are their own 
father." --Dennis Miller

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Animal Truisms

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves 
himself.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a 
present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it 
look like the dog did it.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a 
good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will 
wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you 
are wonderful

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

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Morris returns from a long 
business trip and finds out that his wife has been unfaithful during 
his time away.

"Who was it?" he yells. "That alta kakker Goldstein?"

"No," replied his wife. "It wasn't Goldstein."

"Was it Feldman, that dirty old man?"

"No, not him."

"Aha! Then it must have been that idiot Rabinovich!"

"No, it wasn't Rabinovich either..."

Morris was now fuming. "What's the matter?" he cried. "None of my 
friends are good enough for you?"

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Five Little Turkeys

5 little turkeys standing by door, One waddled off, and then there 
were 4.

4 little turkeys under a tree, One waddled off , and then there were 3.

3 little turkeys with nothing to do, One waddled off, and then there 
were 2.

2 little turkeys in the noon day sun, One waddled off, and then there 
was 1.

One little turkey better run away, For soon will come Thanksgiving day.

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Yesterday I saw a friend of 
mine, a Jewish man by the name of Moshe, reading an Arab newspaper. 
Surprised and more than a little curious I approached my old friend. 
"Moshe, why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I 
find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing 
through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I 
switched to the Arab newspapers. Now what do I find? Jews own all the 
banks; Jews control the media; Jews are all rich and powerful and 
Jews rule the world. Their news is so much better."

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Happiness is a perfume you 
cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." - 
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Mommy, Mommy!" said a 
little boy after coming from playing. "I just saw a man making a horse!"

"Are you sure?" asked his mother.

"Yes," he replied. "He had a horse nearly finished. When I saw him, 
he was just nailing on his feet."

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A wife and husband both 
talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.

The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, "Fore!"

His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 
"Four fifty!"

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Marriage Pie Recipe

5 Tablespoons of Understanding

1 Cup of Tolerance

1/2 Cup of Sweetness

4 Tablespoons of Like

6 Tablespoons of Love

1/2 Cup of Gentleness

4 Tablespoons of Sensitivity

Season with Desire, Need, Commitment

Directions:

Start with the basic ingredients of Love and Like, seasoned with 
Desire, Need and Commitment, then add 1/2 cup of Gentleness and stir 
until soft, but peaking. Add tablespoons of Sensitivity until very 
smooth, then continue to add Tolerance until all the lumps are gone. 
Mix "briskly" until thick. Cook slowly - for too much heat too 
quickly, may scorch it, damaging your previous efforts. If this 
occurs, remove the outer shell, re-stir and add the desired 
ingredients to accomplish smoothness, but peaking. Re- cook per 
directions, and remember - Only the outer shell was damaged, the 
basic ingredients remain. The quantity may be slightly reduced, but 
not the quality. Apply maximum pressure until completely done and firm.

Note: It is perfectly acceptable to add a pinch of argument and, now 
and then, discontent . . . this adds flavoring and makes appreciation 
of the dessert.

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The Harvard School of 
Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food 
so much.

The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled 
backwards is: Not Now.

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A woman was in bed with her 
lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she 
said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him 
and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell 
you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought 
one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when 
they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of 
bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich 
and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an 
idiot at the Smith's for a whole weekend and nobody offered me so 
much as a glass of water.

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Early one morning, my 
husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe 
abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him 
a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew 
what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us 
that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the 
funeral home now?"

With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT 
sick!"

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This farmer had a wife who 
nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the 
field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing 
this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies 
came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". 
The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head 
"no”. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to 
the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and 
asked him why. The farmer replied,” Well, when the ladies came up, 
they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she 
looked. When the men came up, they asked,’ That mule for sale?'

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After being away on 
business, a UNC grad thought it would be nice to bring his wife a 
little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. 
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said the grad, so she returned with a smaller 
bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," the grad complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I 
mean," said the UNC grad, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

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Why is the person who 
snores always the first one to fall asleep?

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A young man, who was also 
an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one 
afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could 
get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to 
tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could 
accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to 
say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the 
ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself 
with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his 
ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man 
finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right 
over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit 
the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it 
thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your 
age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

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When the follow called a 
motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him 
that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you 
take children?' the man asked.

"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."

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SIGNS YOU ARE GETTING OLD:

-You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

-You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.

-Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

-The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

-You take a metal detector to the beach.

-You talk about 'good grass' and you're referring to someone's lawn.

-You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

-You no longer think os speed limits as a challenge.

-People call at 9 p.m. and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

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As a crowded airliner is 
about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who 
picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his 
frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy 
continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform 
of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. 
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-
haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward 
his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and 
quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into 
spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the 
cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks 
quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that 
little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my 
pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that 
they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any 
flight I choose."

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A big shot attorney who 
spent a couple of days in the hospital was a royal pain to the 
nurses. He bossed them around just like he did his office staff. None 
of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The 
head nurse was the only one who would stand up to him.

She entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining a while, he finally settled down, crossed his arms, 
and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," said the nurse. "For this reading, I can't use an 
oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled 
over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the 
thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you 
stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She left the door to his room 
open on her way out.

He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, 
laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor came into the room. 
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever 
seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

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There's a sign above the 
scale in my doctor's office that says, "Pretend it's your IQ."

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Deja Moo: The feeling that 
you've heard this bull before.

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A minister told his 
congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To 
help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the 
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people 
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know 
proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

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Two drunks are walking 
along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at 
the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are 
wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk 
walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our 
argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is 
it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, 
"Sorry, I don't live around here."
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SOMETHING TO THINK 
ABOUT!!! --- () --- On a serious note!!!

I Knew a Man
By
P. S. Gifford


I knew a man once full with sorrow,
Who only lived for each tomorrow.
He made plans he knew he’d never do,
And procrastinated his whole life through.

The day of his funeral no one came,
The preacher declared it was a shame.
“Many folks told me they were going to go
But when the day came—they failed to show.”

When he was embedded in the cold ground,
No one there cried or made any sound.
No one there sniveled or seemed to care—
As no one, you see, was actually there.

I knew an old woman, I am sad to say,
Who lived her life in the yesterday.
She wept over what she couldn’t change-
That regret and sorrow sent her insane.

She cried and cried until her final day,
And kept on doing so as she slipped away.
But at her service no one there shed tears,
For no one had liked her much for years.

She died, you see, completely alone—
With empty heart and an empty home.
As no one listened as she spun her woe—
Of all those yesterdays from long ago.

There is a man, I am glad to say—
Who lives for every new glorious day.
He laughs, tells stories, and attempts poetry.
I am sure you’ve guessed; that fellow’s me.

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His is all there is for this time.  Grins, Giggles and Groaners are 
sent to you JUST for the FUN of it!! As always we hope you had a few 
chuckles, silly grins or maybe a hearty laff or three.
Until next time....just a little reminder, just 40 
days until Santa comes!!!

The Ole Fritzbear ... in Chicago!!!

**** Reader's Submissions ****

From Bill

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Strait's Hallmark Christmas CD Goes Platinum in 7 Days


Hallmark has announced that “Fresh Cut Christmas,” a holiday album of traditional seasonal songs personally selected by George Strait for Hallmark, has been certified Platinum (1,000,000 copies sold) in just seven days.

The announcement was made by Ann Herrick, vice president, strategic music alliances at Hallmark, who noted, "We are thrilled to play a small part in the enormous success of this artist, and are honored to be able to add another platinum album to his collection.”

"Fresh Cut Christmas" is priced at $7.95, with each purchase of three Hallmark cards. 

 REBA RESUMES NOV. 19

Reba McEntire’s sitcom Reba, which had been dropped from the fall TV season schedule, will re-launch with new episodes, starting Nov. 19.

November 10, 2006 – The show was canceled by the new CW network, although it was tapped as a possible mid-season replacement. Now, it’s definitely part of the CW lineup. “We have our shows ready and taped and we go back on the air November 19,” Reba told Neil Haislop’s Nashville IQ. The first night will have back-to-back showings at 7 and 7:30 p.m. ET, after which it will remain in the 7:30 time slot. “I think the fans have been so supportive, and I’m very thankful to them,” Reba says.

Charlie Daniels On China


November 10, 2006--Countrynation.com reports that Charlie Daniels just returned from a vacation at the Great Wall of China and Hong Kong. Charlie says the People's Republic of China is building up like crazy.

"Let me tell you what, there are 9,000 construction projects going on in Beijing," says Charlie. "And it's everywhere -- all over the country, that whole side of the Pacific," he tells the Charlotte Sun-Herald.

"But the pollution is just going nuts. It's just a cloud -- horrible," explains Charlie, who says he made the trip at the suggestion of his wife, who wanted to see the Great Wall.



**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Lite Creamsicle Pie

1 ( 8 ounce) fat-free cream cheese
1 (16 oz.) Cool Whip®, thawed
1 cup orange juice
1 (4-serving-size) sugar-free vanilla instant pudding
1 (4-serving-size) sugar-free orange Jello®
2 reduced fat graham cracker crusts

Soften cream cheese, mix with thawed Cool Whip; blend till creamy; add
orange juice and blend with mixer till real creamy.

Sprinkle pudding in , blending well; add orange Jello, mix till well
blended.
Divide into two pie crusts; chill several hours before serving.
Exchange for diabetics: 1 1/2 bread/starch, 1 lean meat, 1/2 fat

This can be wrapped and frozen.
Lisa

Why is it that financial advisors never seem to be as wealthy as they think they can make you?