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"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older than it is to get wiser

MONDAY NOVEMBER 20,2006
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY:It's pretty hard to tell what does bring
happiness. Poverty and wealth have both failed.
"Excuse for Republicans driving
sports cars that cost more than their fathers ever made in a
year: It's cheaper than marrying a woman half my age." --P.J.
O'Rourke ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10
Characteristics of The Company Car...
**- Accelerates at a
phenomenal rate.
** - Has a much shorter braking distance
than the private car.
** - Can take speed humps at twice the
speed of private cars.
** - The battery, radiator water, oil
and tires never have to be checked.
** - It
can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light
flashing.
** - It needs cleaning less often than private
cars.
** - The suspension is reinforced to allow for the
weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building
material.
** - Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily
eliminated by turning up the radio.
** - It
needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and
with the keys in the ignition.
** - It is especially sand
and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote
beaches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No
doubt about it, the new temp didn't have a clue about computers.
Since part of her job was directing calls to our technical
support department, I gave her simple instructions: "When people
call with computer problems, always ask which operating system
they're using--Windows, Macintosh or UNIX."
Later, she handed a technician this phone message...
"Call immediately. Customer has problem with
eunuchs." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After
we had settled into our new house in the fall, my wife reminded me that one
picture had yet to be hung. The polite reminders continued into the spring and
summer. One evening, almost a year after the move, Rosalyn demanded the picture
be hung. I walked over to where it was on the floor and, to my surprise noticed
a nail in the wall--at exactly the spot where the picture was to be
hung. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My niece Samantha
was an elementary-school teacher and produced the Christmas play one year. She
told her students that if they forgot their lines they should ad-lib instead of
just standing there. All went well until the three Wise Men made their entrance:
"Baby Jesus, here is your gold," said the first.
"Baby Jesus, here is
your frankincense," offered the second.
The third Wise Man forgot the
name of his gift and froze. "Say anything," whispered Samantha from the
wings.
The boy peered into the manger and exclaimed, "Ooh, doesn't he
look just like his
dad!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As we
passed through the dining hall at the camp our sons were attending, I could see
into the kitchen. From a sign posted on the walk-in-cooler door, it appeared the
cook was having difficulty knowing how long some items had been in storage. It
read: "I know your mother said not to, but date
everything!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A bubbly young staff member eager to
take us on a tour of the store greeted my first grade class at the supermarket
door. "My name is Lorraine," she announced. "It says so on my name tag here.
See? It says Lorraine. L-O-R-R-A-I-N-E. That means I'm Lorraine. Would any of
you like to have a name tag like this?" she asked expectantly.
"No, thank
you," replied six-year-old Allison politely. "I know my
name." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A wife
is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her
husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the
book.
The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds
her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "Honey, what
happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?"
The husband looks
up and replies, "No, I'm fine. I'm just practicing."
The wife gets a real
confused look on her face, and said, "Practicing? Practicing for
what?"
Then the husband says, "For the first time in a long time, I'm
going golfing tomorrow!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I
noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house... "Is that your
grandmother?" I asked... "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for
Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris
replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get
her" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why did NASA let a women on a space
shuttle in the first place?
... She was 50 pounds lighter then the
dishwasher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few more years and "dollar pincher"
will mean the same thing that "penny pincher" meant a generation
ago. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The
teacher says that my son has original ideas, but most of them are in
spelling ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I was involved with a
minimum-security prison ministry, the inmates often got passes to attend church
activities. On one such occasion, a church member who didn't know that my
companion was from the prison asked him what church he usually attended. When my
friend hesitated, the church member reassured him: "Oh, that's okay. Maybe it's
a matter of
conviction." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The doctor told my husband,
Allbert, to use his right arm as much as possible. Albert had broken five ribs
and his shoulder blade, and had chipped his elbow, all on his right side, in a
hang- gliding accident.
One afternoon I had just placed a sandwich, made
with my fresh homemade bread, in front of Albert when my brother Lawrence
dropped by. Albert picked the sandwich up with his right hand and tried to raise
it to his mouth. He managed to get it halfway before he had to lower it. He took
a deep breath and tried again, but with the same result. The third time he used
his left hand to support his right and finally managed to raise it to his
mouth.
"Would you like a sandwich too?" I asked Lawrence.
"No,
thanks," he answered. "That bread looks too heavy for me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, a good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only
one wife.
Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are
thunder, lightning, tornados and hail.
One woman's hobby is usually
another woman's hubby.
The easiest way to make your old car run better is
to check the prices of a new car.
It's what people don't know about
each other that makes them such good friends.
If you can't get a
lawyer who knows the law, best get one who knows the judge.
A man
owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his
success.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's
ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** Reader's Submissions
****
From Ruthie
The
Bag Lady and Thanksgiving Dinner
It was
very cold and a light snow was falling as young Jimmy Dorche piloted his Ford
Escort down the street toward the city park. Snow on Thanksgiving was a rarity
in this part of the country and it caused almost as much excitement as the
traditional turkey dinner, the traditional afternoon of football, or the Macy's
Thanksgiving Day Parade on television. But none of these things were on
17-year-old Jimmy's mind at the moment as he carefully maneuvered his car over
the blacktop. He had his own tradition to tend to and what he was looking for he
would probably find in the deserted park.
Usually
bustling with activity, even on cold days, the park was practically empty now.
Everyone was home with friends and family enjoying their Thanksgiving turkey.
Jimmy was tempted to have a bit more dinner himself, but his second helping sat
on the car seat beside him along with a big hunk of Mom's homemade pumpkin pie
and a Thermos bottle of hot coffee. Jimmy wouldn't succumb to temptation and eat
more today.
For the
past two years, Jimmy had established a tradition for himself. He had never
suffered a hungry day in his life. The son of an unwed teenaged mother, he was
given up for adoption as an infant and was taken in by a Christian family. When
he was fifteen, to honor his Lord as well as his parents, he decided to take his
second helping of Thanksgiving dinner to the park to share with a homeless man
or woman.
His first
year, he had found a man who had been on his own since he was thirteen. In the
summer he worked odd jobs, but in winter he lived at the local rescue mission
where he earned an occasional dollar by cleaning up the place. The second year,
he shared his Thanksgiving dinner with an elderly man whose wife had died long
before and his children had moved to another city. They never contacted their
father nor offered to help him in any way. "I reckon they're ashamed of me," the
rheumy old man had said.
Throughout
the year, Jimmy often thought about the two men. He had gone to the mission to
try to find them, but they were gone without a trace. Now Jimmy wondered who he
would meet this Thanksgiving.
As soon as
he arrived at the park, he saw a ragged woman sitting hunched over on the bench
of one of the heavy concrete picnic tables provided by the city. She wore an old
battered red coat and a dark wool cap over her matted, graying hair. Close
beside her was the tattered bag that carried all her worldly possessions.
Jimmy
pulled the car into a parking place and got out. He took the covered dishes and
the Thermos bottle from the front seat and began walking toward the bag lady.
When he stood in front of her, she jumped as if she had suddenly been awakened
from dozing. She looked up at Jimmy. Suddenly her eyes brightened and she
started to speak but, instead, she lowered her head and stared at the frozen
ground.
God bless
you, ma'am," Jimmy said, smiling. "I have brought you some Thanksgiving dinner.
Would you do me the honor of sharing it with me."
The woman
looked at the food. She was very hungry -- she hadn't eaten since last night's
dinner at the mission. She nodded and Jimmy served her food, uncovered the
plates, put a napkin and silverware on the cold concrete picnic table, and
poured her a streaming cup of coffee from the Thermos. Then he watched her as
she ate. Although it was very cold in the park, he felt warm inside. The God of
love was clearly at work within him. He loved his tradition and he intended to
continue it -- and more -- for the rest of his life.
When the
woman had finished, he cleared the table and put the dishes into a pile. He
poured another cup of coffee into her Styrofoam cup and closed the Thermos. Then
he reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. He thrust the
money into her gnarled hand. Then he reached over and kissed her lightly on the
forehead.
"May God
richly bless you, ma'am," he said softly. "And thank you for giving me the honor
of sharing my Thanksgiving dinner with you." With that, Jimmy picked up his
dishes and returned to the car.
She had
stayed in the city purposely to see him grow, but remained carefully in the
background and out of sight so she would not embarrass him or cause him pain.
Her own life was a shambles -- time spent in state mental hospitals and, at
other times, living on the streets. But she had seen him grow into manhood and
was very proud of his many accomplishments. Today, she had longed to tell him
who she was, but could not bring herself to do it. Instead she thanked God that
He had so richly blessed her today, in spite of her trials.
Tears
welled up in her eyes. She had seen her son on Thanksgiving and he had loved his
mother.
"The
greatest among you will be your servant." (Matthew
23:11 NIV)
**** ON THIS DAY
****
 **** HEADS UP FOLKS
**** These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram in exchange for
advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link
for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U
Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this jim4615@earthlink.net Subject
Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
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Pass of Edwards seals second straight win; Harvick
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Nextel Cup regular dusts field for third victory in
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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-19-
Jerry Foster born Tallapoosa, MO 1935.
Roy Acuff recorded "The Waltz of the Wind" 1947.
Hank Snow's "I'm Movin' On" topped the charts 1950.
Faron Young inducted into the U.S. Army, for a period of two
years 1952.
Johnny Cash wrote "I Walk The Line" 1955.
Johnny Horton's "North To Alaska," charted 1960.
The CMA Awards were broadcast from the Ryman Auditorium, on
NBC-TV for the first time in 1968. The show was co-hosted by Roy Rogers
and Dale Evans.
Billy Currington born Savannah, GA 1973.
Tom T. Hall's "Country Is" topped the charts 1974.
Johnny Cash entered a drug treatment center 1989.
Bobby Russell, age 51, died 1992. Inducted NSHF 1994.
MCA released Mark Chesnutt's "Greatest Hits" album 1996.
-20-
Eck Robertson, fiddler/recording artist, born Madison County, AR
1897.
Judy Canova, actress/singer born Jacksonville, FL 1916.
Tut Taylor, multi-instrumentalist session player, born
Milledgeville, GA 1923.
Curly Putman, songwriter, born Princeton, AL 1930.
Joe Walsh of the "Eagles," born Wichita, KS 1947.
George Grantham of "Poco" born Cordell, OK 1947.
RCA paid SUN Records $35, 000.00 for Elvis Presley's recording
contract in 1955. Elvis signed a three-year dear with RCA Victor the same
day.
Buck White wrote "Home Run Man," and Jimmy Martin recorded it
1958.
Little Jimmie Dickens returned to the charts with "The Violet
and the Rose," 1961.
Francis Craig, WSM music star, died Sewanee, TN 1966.
Dierks Bentley born Phoenix, AZ 1975.
Waylon Jennings' "Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way" was #1 in
1975.
Ace Cannon released his 2-album set "Tuff Sax" "Moanin' Sax"
1995.
Chet Atkins released his "RCA Country Legends" album in
2001.
Ronnie Dunn inducted into the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame
2003.
Charlie Cline, age 73, co-founder of the Lonesome Pine Fiddlers,
died in Jasper, AL 2004.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Deborah Allen is Honored
at anual THE TERRY Awards in Ft. Worth Texas!
Deborah was
awarded the highly esteemed "Living Legend" Award after entertaining an audience
of 900 with her high energy, personable performance. Texas has embraced
Deborah due to her dedication to her songwriting career which has ehnanced the
careers of many of Texas's great ladies of country music such as Janie Frickie,
Tanya Tucker & LeAnn Rimes.
Taylor Swift opens Strait tour
|
Friday, November 17, 2006 – New artist
Taylor Swift was tapped to open the 2007 George Strait tour.
The tour kicks off at the Cajundome in
Lafayette, La. on January 11 and runs through March 3 with stops
throughout the U.S. Ronnie Milsap also is on the bill.
Strait has a history of lining up the newcomers
for his concert tours. Miranda Lambert opened his tour last year.
"I couldn't imagine anything more thrilling
than to be on a tour with George Strait," said Taylor. "Just last week I
was at the CMA Awards watching him be inducted into the Hall of Fame, and
this week I received word that I would be on the tour with him. This is
surreal! I keep pinching myself to make sure this isn't just a dream."
Swift's debut single, "Tim McGraw," which she
co-wrote, reached Top 10 on the country radio airplay chart and has sold
nearly 165,000 digital downloads.
Swift's debut was released in late October. She
wrote or co-wrote all 11 songs. |
And baby makes three for
Josh Gracin
|
Thursday, November 16, 2006 – Josh
Gracin and wife Ann Marie announce the arrival of their third child,
Gabriella Ann Gracin. She was born Wednesday, Nov. 15 at 1:29 p.m.,
weighing 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Gabriella joins siblings Briana and
Landon. |

**** Amy's Kitchen
****
Microwave Peanut
Brittle
1 cup white sugar 1/2 cup white corn
syrup 1-1/2 cups roasted salted peanuts 1 teaspoon butter (I only use real
butter for candy) 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 teaspoon baking soda
IN
1-1/2 quart microwave safe bowl, stir together sugar and syrup. Microwave on
HIGH 3 minutes. Stir in peanuts. Microwave on HIGH 3 to 5 minutes or until
brown.
Add butter and vanilla, blend well. Microwave on HIGH 1 to 2
minutes more. Add baking soda and gently stir until light and foamy. Pour
onto lightly greased foil lined cookie sheet. Let cool, then break
into pieces. Store in air tight container. Makes about 1
pound.
****
TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
What happens to
a Siamese twin when the other one dies?
It depends on the condition at
which Seamese
twins are conjoined. If they share a vital
organ or two, one is likely to die after the other. Even if they don't share a
vital organ, there are many things that conflict one another and pose a threat
to survival; though, death is not always unavoidable.
Many pairs,
depending on the degree of conjunction, can and choose to be separated separated
by surgery during lifetime.
In 2003 two women from Iran, Ladan and Laleh
Bijani, who were joined at the head but had separate brains (craniopagus) were
surgically separated in Singapore, despite surgeons' warnings that the operation
could be fatal to one or both. Both women died during surgery on July 8,
2003.
One ethical issue with separation is when the operation will result
in the death of one twin (for example, in the case where they are sharing a
heart.) A notable case was that of the Attard Sisters (Gracie and Rosie), the
daughters of Rina and Michaelangelo Attard of the Maltese island of Gozo.
Despite the opposition of the Attards, the High Court of Justice of England and
Wales ruled that their twins should be separated, even though this would, and
did in 2001, cause the death of Rosie, the weaker twin.
Most recently, an
attempt was made to separate the German conjoined twins Leah and Tabea (their
last name remains unpublished). Tabea died September 16, 2004 just minutes after
having been separated from her twin sister
****A PARTING THOUGHT
**** Adam was the perfect
figure of a man, and Eve was indescribably beautiful. So, where do all the ugly
people come from?
LAST CALL Y'ALL

  HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
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and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
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ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS
AMERICA
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