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December11, 2006 - The Daily Funnies >> |
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From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.  Welcome to The Funnies "Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything. Welcome New
Subscribers THURSDAY DECEMBER 7,2006
"At the
airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT. DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33. PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING. PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP. JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE. CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART. MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS. CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE. PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS. PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SHITS. [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT]. PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK. IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST. PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR. PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY. SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL. MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL. PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS. GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER. PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR. MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AND SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT. NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING
FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS!!! Mujibar was trying to get into the
USA legally through immigration.
The Officer said, "Mujibar,
congratulations, you have passed all the
tests
so far, except there is one more
test to take. Unless you pass this one
you
cannot enter the United States Of
America".
Mujibar said, "I am
ready".
The Officer said, "make a sentence
using the words, Yellow, Pink and
Green".
Mujibar thought for a few minutes
and said, " Mr. Officer I am ready".
The Officer said, "Go
ahead".
Mujibar said, The telephone goes
green, green, green and I pink it up,
and
say, Yellow, this is
Mujibar."
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood
near you and works at Verizon's
help
desk. I just talked to him
yesterday.
Can You Here Me
Now?
~~~~~~~~~~GOOFPROOF~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance." --Brian Kiley ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." --Kevin Hench ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "My father would say things that made no sense at all, like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.'" --Louie Anderson ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!" &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** HEALTH NEWS **** HOLIDAY BLUES OR DEPRESSION As the days grow shorter and the skies grayer, winter weather can bring about gloomy moods and sad feelings, Boston researchers find. Holiday stress and the change of seasons can lead to holiday blues, which is a temp- orary state of feeling low and that could go on for several days or perhaps a week. However, more sustained sadness or loss of interest in things that used to be pleasurable, and that goes on for several weeks, could be clinical depression. "Treatments like talk therapy and anti-depressants are useful in treating clinical depression," says Dr. Jonathan Alpert of the Harvard Medical School. Those depressed should seek medical attention. PROLONGED STRESS TAKES A TOLL University of California at San Francisco scientists report psychological stress may exact its toll, at least in part, by affecting molecules. The study of 58 biological mothers -- 39 of chronically ill child and 19 mothers of a healthy child -- finds mothers of chronically ill children were more stressed, but their biological markers were not different. However, the more years of care giving -- the greater the oxidative stress, which leads to aging. The study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, determined that chronic stress, and the perception of life stress each had a significant impact on three biological factors. This is the first evidence that chronic psycho- logical stress -- and how a person perceives stress -- suggests stress may modulate the rate of cellular aging, according to study co-author Elizabeth Blackburn. INSOMNIA POORLY UNDERSTOOD It's estimated that between 5 percent to 35 percent of people experience insomnia, yet it is poorly understood, a U.S. study finds. Michael Sateia of Dartmouth Medical School says family doctors, nurses and psychologists should routinely enquire about sleep habits as a component of overall health assessment. In addition, drug treatments such as standard hypnotics and sedating antidepressants are commonly prescribed, despite little empirical research among patients with insomnia. "Non- pharmacological treatments, particularly stimulus control and sleep restriction, are effective for conditioned aspects of insomnia and are associated with durable long-term improvement in sleep," Sateia writes in The Lancet. *****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!***** Heree the are ... A new collection of Grins, Giggles and Groaners. As always sent just for the fun of it and also because we believe everyone needs to laff ever once in awhile. <><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><> Have you ever wanted to do this ??? When there is a line of people behind me and the checker at the grocery store asks, "Do you need anything else?" I have the urge to say something like, "Yes, I need to get a few items from aisles 5 and 7. I'll be right back!" <><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><> A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off ?" <><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><> An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. The doctor says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years." <><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><> Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow," he said. "It's my old Plymouth!" <><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><> A Bunch of Quickies and One Liners.... Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If all is not lost, where is it? A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him. "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." -Rodney Dangerfield" <><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><><> The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. 'Do you realize what time it is," she said. He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she said, "What did you buy for the house, dear?" His answer was, "A round of drinks!" >><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><><><> The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged. "Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "The house does not make doctor calls!" ><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><><> Bloke goes to the vets to pick up his sick dog The vet comes in with the dog and says: "I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to put your dog down" The bloke is completely horrified and say with tears in his eyes: "WHY?" The vet goes: "Because it's getting heavy!!" ><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><><> A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here." ><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><<><> A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's. One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity. Replied one student, "We recognized some of our mothers!" ><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><>< The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work." ><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><> It was four in the morning when Mr. Dartle's phone rang. The voice at the other end was pleasant and sweet. "I'm Mrs Weber, and I would like to tell you that the refrigerator I bought in your store works like a charm." Mr Dartle said, "Thank you. But why call me about it at four in the morning?" Mrs. Weber said, "Because they just delivered it!" ><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><> One October my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><> Thats all for this time ... more to come!! Hope you got a few chuckles. And remember: Just 19 Days until Christmas ... The Humor Guy - The Ole Fritzbear in Chicago **** Reader's Submissions **** “Daddy”, he said, his eyes full of tears, There’s no Santa Clause, they say with a grin, But I told them Daddy, that they were not right, His Daddy looked at his questioning face Whispering a prayer, he began with a smile, And you know how we say grace before each meal, “God started Christmas a long time ago Man had to name this spirit of giving There is, you can see, and I think quite clear Each year at Christmas for one special night But the REAL spirit of Christmas is in you and in
me MERRY CHRISTMAS! **** ON THIS DAY **** I'm on a "Merry Christmas" mission and I'm in full throttle. My little yellow VW Beetle has turned into a Christmas billboard with Merry Christmas written across the back window. Yes, I've decided to trek off to work everyday on the public highways with a message that seems to offend people.
noticed there wasn't a single decoration in the store. I asked the manager why they weren't decorated for Christmas. He told me the corporate headquarters decided not to send any decorations to any of their stores, and he didn't know why.
After I heard about all the Macy's and Federated Stores taking down their Merry Christmas signs, the Target stores not allowing the Salvation Army to "Ring the Christmas bells," and the many incidents of children, choirs, and bands not allowed to play or sing Christmas carols, I realized it was happening right here in my own little Texas town.
How can this be? Not Texas!
words to a song we've sung for years - "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - I was saddened to hear "We Wish You a Splendid Holiday."
I know now that it's just a matter of time that the "Merry Christmas" greetings will be gone. Look around your town. Notice the "Holiday" greetings and not "Christmas." It's happening right before our very eyes.
Start singing the songs; go down the streets of America singing to your heart's content. Get some of those wash-off markers that these kids use to write on their car windows when they're rooting for their hometown football team. It's easy to do, and if a torrential rain washes it off, write it on there again.
We've got to get this message out. "Go Tell It On the Mountain . . that Jesus Christ is Born." Sing it, speak it, be a billboard for our Lord.
The story of this "Baby Jesus" alone has brought about more goodwill at this time of year than any other day we celebrate. How can we sit back and allow him to be snuffed out of our lives?
kind of revulsion galvanizes one to campaign so vehemently against the mere mention of His name, the mere singing of a carol, or the mere visual of a sign that says "Merry Christmas?"
I can listen to my own boss at work use some of the vilest words and follow up with, "Excuse my French." I may cringe inside at his damning of God's name, but I tolerate it. So if you don't like me wishing you a "Merry Christmas," I'll say, "Excuse my joy." You may cringe that I celebrate the birth of Jesus, but just tolerate it.
careful, the day will come when saying I'm a Christian will offend you.
I'm offended that you're offended. How about that?
hold dear, we have no choice; we either defend that tradition or we give it up to those who say NO. That's it . . period. So, which will it be?
I'm not giving up my "Merry Christmas" joy to anyone. If I know of someone that celebrates another holiday during this time of year, I will be glad to wish them whatever holiday they want. Just tell me what it is and I'll shout it to the world and wish you a grand celebration.
You want your coffers full, but have ordered your employees to take down all the Merry Christmas signs. If that's the case, I'll buy gifts at a place that understands my joy.
Newsweek survey shows that 82% of Americans believe that Jesus is the Son of God. So, in trying not to offend a few, you've offended many.
It's okay to jump into the "Merry Christmas" spirit when it fills your cash register, but let's call it something else . . . and don't stop giving . . . and don't stop buying. . . we'll just change the name and you'll never know the difference.
I know the difference and I'm feeling it greatly. It's hard not to be aware that townships across our country have actually banned the singing of Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And it's not just the religious songs; it's the secular ones too. No more "Jingle Bells" or "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" because they're associated with Christmas. Boy, aren't we getting sensitive?
If we're not celebrating Christmas for the hope it gives with the birth of our Savior . . there is no hope!
I noticed a few years ago that we changed the name of Abraham Lincoln's and George Washington's birthday so as to be all inclusive regarding the Presidents. Hark, if we should recognize anyone as exceptional. Now it's called Presidents' Day.
Well, if we're going to be so all inclusive, next month I'll have to refer to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as Civil Rights Leaders' Day. We don't want to exclude great Americans like Rosa Parks or Cesar Chavez, do we? And to think that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton might be left out.
We might need to change Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Grandparents' Day to All Parents' Day. Just lump them all together.
(how about 2000 years?), or do we defend a person's right to end it all because they're offended? As long as we live in this great land and have the freedom to express ourselves and what we believe in, we will always offend someone.
If we try to make everything right for everyone, we won't have anything for anyone.
P.S. What ever happened to majority rule in this country???? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'm getting Nuttin for
Christmas"
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas Mommy and Daddy are mad I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad. I broke my bat on Johnny's
head
Somebody snitched on me I hid a frog in sister's bed Somebody snitched on me. I spilled some ink on Mommy's
rug
I made Tommy eat a bug Bought some gum with a penny slug Somebody snitched on me. Oh h h h . . .
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas Mommy and Daddy are mad I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad. I put a tack on teacher's
chair
Somebody snitched on me I tied a knot in Suzy's hair Somebody snitched on me. I did a dance on Mommy's
plants
Climbed a tree and tore my pants Filled that sugar bowl with ants Somebody snitched on me. Oh h h h . . .
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas Mommy and Daddy are mad I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad. So you better be good
Whatever you do 'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you You'll get nuttin' for Christmas! **** HEADS UP FOLKS **** These Are My Causes Please Help This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -7- Jack Taylor, "The Prarie Ramblers, born Summershade, KY 1901. Thomas Hoyt "Slim" Bryant, singer/songwriter, born Atlanta, GA 1908. Kenneth Maddox, of "Maddox Brothers & Rose" born Boaz, AL 1922. Boyd Bennett, Rockabilly/vocals/bass, born Muscle Shoals, AL 1924. Bobby Osborne, Opry member, born Hayden, KY 1931. Darrell Glenn born Waco, TX 1935. Minnie Pearl joined the Grand Ole Opry 1940. Gary Morris born Fort Worth, TX 1948. Ronnie Sessions, born Henrietta, OK 1948. Jim Reeves' single "He'll Have To Go" charted 1959. June Carter performed for the first time on the Johnny Cash Show in Dallas, TX 1961. Stonewall Jackson's single "B.J. the D.J." charted 1963. Bill Boyd, age 67, Western Swing/vocals/guitar died 1977. Inducted Texas Western Swing Hall of Fame. Folk singer/songwriter/guitarist, Harry Chapin, age 38, died in a car wreck 1981. Reba McEntire's single "For My Broken Heart," topped the charts 1991. This was Reba's 15th #1. The opening act for the 1998 Billboard Music Awards Show was supposed to be Madonna. Sickness caused her to cancel, and she was replaced by Garth Brooks, and Chris Gaines. Gary Allan's album "Smoke Rings In The Dark" certified platinum 2001. Shania Twain's album "Up" debuted on the charts at #1 in 2002. The Country Music Association donated $100.000 to various charities during a ceremony at the Country Music Hall of Fame in 2004. Dolly Parton Receives Kennedy Center Honor Dolly Parton was recognized at the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday night (Dec. 3) in Washington, D.C., with a notable list of admirers paying tribute to her in song. Kenny Rogers and Carrie Underwood teamed for "Islands in the Stream," Alison Krauss offered "Jolene" and "My Tennessee Mountain Home" and Shania Twain sang "Coat of Many Colors" with Krauss on harmonies. In addition, Jessica Simpson performed "9 to 5" and Vince Gill sang "I Will Always Love You." Reba McEntire and Reese Witherspoon also spoke on behalf of Parton's numerous accomplishments. Fellow recipients of the Kennedy Center Honors this year included Smokey Robinson, Steven Spielberg, Andrew Lloyd Webber and conductor Zubin Mehta. Darryl Worley, Mark Wills Set for USO Tour Darryl Worley, Mark Wills and Keni Thomas will be return- ing to the Persian Gulf during the USO's Hope and Freedom Tour 2006. Scheduled to begin in mid-December, the tour will also feature comedian and radio personality Al Franken, members of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and Sgt. Maj. of the Army Kenneth Preston. Porter Wagoner goes with Anti-
"Fresh Peach
Cobbler" 1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. butter or margarine
3/4 cup all-purpose flour dash of salt 2 cups sliced peaches 2 cups sugar, divided 2 tsp. baking powder 3/4 cup milk Melt the butter in a 2-quart baking dish. Combine 1 cup sugar, flour, baking powder and salt. Add milk and stir until mixed. Pour batter over butter in baking dish but do not stir. Combine peaches and remaining sugar and spoon over batter, but don't stir. Bake at 350°F for one hour. You may use canned, sweetened peaches and only 1
cup of sugar.
1 1/4 cups sugar 1 cup butter-flavored shortening 2 eggs 1/4 cup light corn syrup or pancake syrup 1 Tbsp. vanilla 3 cups + 4 Tbsp. flour 3/4 tsp. baking powder 1/2 tsp. baking soda 1/2 tsp. salt Combine sugar and shortening. Add the eggs, syrup and vanilla. Beat until fluffy. Combine 3 cups of flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add to the creamed mixture. Divide dough into 4 quarters. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour. Spread 1 Tbsp. of flour on the surface and use one quarter of dough. Flatten with hands, then using a roller, thin out dough. Use cookie cutters to make cookies. (Repeat for each quarter used). Sprinkle with sugars or decorations. Bake in a preheated oven for 5-9 minutes. English Toffee 1 cup sugar 2 sticks butter 3 Tblsp. water Place these three ingredients in a saucepan on med. heat and bring to a boil... Let boil for about 10 min. Stir this constantly. Cook until it turns dark tan. Pour in already prepared buttered cookie sheet or cake pan. Cool and cut into pieces. ( I break mine into pieces). If your want you can melt a couple Hershey candy bars or use chocolate chips while it is cooling and then spread it out, You also could go ahead and break your pieces, then dip in melted chocolate to coat both sides Almond Sugar Cookies (makes about 32 cookies) 5 tablespoons (75 g) margarine 1 1/2 tablespoons (18 g) sugar 1 tablespoon (15 ml) egg white 1/4 teaspoon (1.25 ml) almond extract 1 cup (1.25 g) unbleached all-purpose flour 1/8 teaspoon (0.6 ml) baking soda pinch cream of tartar 32 almond slices 1. Preheat oven to 350°F (180°C), Gas Mark, 4. 2. In a medium bowl, cream margarine and sugar, beating until light and fluffy. Stir in egg white and almond extract. 3. Gradually stir in flour, baking soda, and cream of tartar; mix well. Form into 1/2-inch (1.25 cm) balls. Place on a nonstick cookie sheet at least 2 inches (5 cm) apart. Dip a flat-bottomed glass into flour and press down on each ball to flatten cookie. Top each cookie with an almond slice. 4. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until lightly browned. Cool on pan for 3 minutes, then transfer to wire racks to cool. Per 2-cookie serving: 90 calories (40% calories from fat), 2 g protein, 4 g total fat, 10 g carbohydrate, trace dietary fiber, 0 cholesterol, 49 mg sodium Diabetic exchanges: 1 carbohydrate (bread/starch), 1 fat Copyright 1997-2001 Diabetic-Lifestyle. **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** Do deer
antlers fall completely off each season and then grow back the next
spring?
Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438
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