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Subject: The Daily Funnies - December12, 2006



 
From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to T
he Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser


TUESDAY DECEMBER 12,2006


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: A candidate is a person who gets money
from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.




Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he decided to send checks to everyone instead.
In each card he wrote, "Buy your own present!" and mailed them early.
 
He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was only after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study, intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the cards
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bubba Claus and Santa Claus"
 
Bubba Claus and Santa Claus, There Are Differences Such
As:
 
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and
Wesson."
 
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on
the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
 
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon
dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him
a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
 
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt Jr. , on Andretti, on Elliott, and Petty."
 
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
 
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the
words "Back Off."
 
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt
Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars
crashing into each other.
 
And Finally,
 
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put presents under the tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a local county courthouse the Clerk of Court hated fake Christmas
trees, so he always put up a real tree in the Clerk's office every year.

One year the Fire Marshal happened to do a building inspection of the
courthouse just before Christmas, while the Clerk was out to lunch, and
noticed the tree.

In the belief that the tree represented a fire hazard, he proceeded to
write a citation for a violation of the fire code, which prohibited
"live" trees in a public building, and gave it to the Clerk's assistant.

When the Clerk returned from lunch and was given the citation, he hit
the roof. Determined that no Fire Marshal was going to spoil his
Christmas, he decided to fight the citation.

So he went to the morgue in the adjoining police station, and asked the
Coroner for his help. The Coroner came over and put a toe tag on the
tree, listing the cause of death as "Being cut off at ground level".

The Clerk called the Fire Marshal back to re-inspect, and showed him the
toe tag on the tree. He told him that when the Coroner pronounces
something "dead", it is *legally* dead, and therefore the citation for
having a "live" tree was obviously in error, and wasn't worth the paper
it was written on.

The Fire Marshal thought about it, and came to the realization that,
since he would have to pursue the fire code violation in that very
courtroom, this was probably one argument he wasn't going to win. So he
let them have their tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a woman out Christmas shopping with her two children. After
many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else
imaginable, and hearing both her children asking for everything they saw
on those many shelves, this woman finally made it out of the store and
to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time
of the year: Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every
housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect
gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't
forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we
respond to everyone who sends us a card. Not to mention, getting the
kids everything they ask for.

Finally the elevator doors opened--there was already a crowd in the car.

This woman pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with
her, along with all her bags of stuff. When the doors closed, she let
out a big sigh & decided she couldn't take it anymore, and said out loud
to no one in particular...

"Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be arrested and
strung up!"

>From the back of the elevator, a quiet calm voice responded,

"Don't worry ma'am, I believe they crucified Him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somebody Snitched On Me (S. Tepper & R. Bennet)

I broke my bat on Tommy's head somebody snitched on me

I hid a frog in sister's bed somebody snitched on me

I spilled some ink on mommy's rug, I made Tommy eat a bug

Bought some gum with a penny slug

Somebody snitched on me

Oh I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and daddy are mad

Oh I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

Cos' I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I put a tack on teacher's chair, somebody snitched on me

I tied a knot in Suzy's hair, somebody snitched on me

I did a dance on mommy's plants, climbed a tree and tore my pants, filled
the sugar bowl with ants

Somebody snitched on me

I won't be seeing Santa Claus , somebody snitched on me

He won't come visit me because, somebody snitched on me

Next year I'll be going straight, next year I'll be good, just wait, I'd
start now but it's too late

Somebody snitched on me
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Study finds certain drugs cut Alzheimer's  

NEW YORK,  -- U.S. scientists say they've identified anti-  
hypertensive agents that can prevent cognitive decline and  
amyloid neuropathology in Alzheimer patients. The research,  
conducted by Dr. Giulio Maria Pasinetti and colleagues at  
the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, suggests a large number  
of geriatric patients under pharmacological treatment for  
high-blood pressure with certain anti-hypertensive drugs  
might also reap the benefits of the drug's cognitive  
effects. Pasinetti's research is part of a growing push to  
identify and develop more effective treatments for  
Alzheimer's disease. "There is no convincing evidence that  
there is any available drug presently on the market to cure  
Alzheimer's disease and there are many questions surround-  
ing the effectiveness of drugs that are available to delay  
or effectively alleviate symptoms of memory deterioration  
or dementia," said Pasinetti. During the past two years,  
researchers have begun screening drugs already commercially  
available for treatment of other disorders to determine  
their potential value in treating Alzheimer's disease and  
cognitive impairment. Pasinetti's findings were presented  
Wednesday in New York during the American College of  
Neuropsychopharmacology's annual conference.   

DNA strand study: unexpected flexibility  

BLACKSBURG, Va., -- U.S. scientists have completed what  
they believe is the first simulation that explores the  
full range of motions of a DNA strand of 147 base pairs.  
That length, say the Virginia Tech researchers, is  
required to form the fundamental unit of DNA packing in  
living cells -- the nucleosome. The scientists said se-  
quencing the human genome -- determining the order of  
DNA building blocks -- has not completely solved the  
code of how DNA directs various cellular processes. In  
addition to the sequence of the base pairs, the instruc-  
tions are in the packaging -- how DNA is folded within a  
cell. The Virginia Tech scientists said they used novel  
methodology and the university's System X supercomputer  
to conduct their experiment. And they found, contrary to  
a long-held belief that DNA is hard to bend, the simula-  
tion shows in crisp atomic detail that DNA is consider-  
ably more flexible than commonly thought. The study in  
the December issue of the Biophysical Journal is also  
available at biophysj.org/cgi/content/full/91/11/4121.   

Study may lead to better dental composites  

SAN DIEGO, -- A U.S. scientist has developed ultra-strong  
fiber-reinforced polymer composites for industrial applica-  
tions that he says might also be used in dentistry.  
University of California-San Diego structural engineering  
professor Vistasp Karbhari said his newly created composites  
offer strong lightweight materials for aerospace, automotive,  
civil and marine applications. "If they work so well in high-  
way bridges," said Karbhari, "why not dental bridges?"  
Karbhari and Dr. Howard Strassler of the University of  
Maryland Dental School are reporting results of detailed  
engineering tests on dental composites containing glass  
fibers, as well as the type of polyethylene fibers used in  
bullet-proof vests. Their research shows braided polyethy-  
lene fibers performed the best, boosting toughness by up to  
433 percent compared with a composite alone. "What's been  
missing until now is a rigorous, reproducible way to test  
the durability and resistance to breakage for these  
materials," Strassler added. "Makers of fiber-reinforced  
dental composites need a much better understanding of how  
their products actually perform as part of a restoration,  
crown, or bridge, and this study provides an analytical  
standard with which all composites should be evaluated in  
the future." The study is to appear in the journal Dental  
Materials.  




*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
Here comes the first SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION of GGG - Sent just for 
the Fun of it, because we think everyone needs a few laffs sometime. -


A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of 
empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after 
him, "Excuse me, did you want a cart?"

"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."

As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Just like a man."

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TOP 10 REASONS WHY HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS

10. There's no "Kathy Lee Gifford Special"

9. Eight days of presents

8. No need to clean the chimney

7. There's no latke-nog

6. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs

5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals

4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."

3. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Dreidl."

2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards

1. Latkes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes

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CHRISTMAS PAST (Carice Williams)

Each Christmas I remember The ones of long ago; I see our mantelpiece 
adorned With stockings in a row.

Each Christmas finds me dreaming Of days that used to be, When we hid 
presents here and there, For all the family.

Each Christmas I remember The fragrance in the air, Of roasting 
turkey and mince pies And cookies everywhere.

Each Christmas finds me longing For Christmases now past, And I am 
back in childhood As long as memories last.

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CHRISTMAS TREES (James M. Bilbrey)

Sweet spring showers bring a fragrant bouquet A soft wind blows and 
meadowlarks play The pine covered hillside wild creatures reside A 
season of growth as you reach for the sky.

Through long summer days you sit parched and brown Your needles fall 
softly and cover the ground The struggle so mighty the rewards seem 
so few But from such despair a strong pine tree grew.

Now the days they grow short there’s a chill in the air Changes are 
coming a fate we all share The birds now seek cover in your boughs 
lush and green Autumn winds are upon you it’s now time to dream.

You wear a white mantle as snow covers the ground The song of the saw 
and soon you fall down Was the struggle in vain for a seedling to 
grow You’ll soon bask in splendor your purpose to know.

To be lifted once more in a glorious light The spirit of Christmas 
you embody tonight Decked out in splendor your time has now come To 
herald the birth of God’s loving son.

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Politically Correct Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live 
in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would 
answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling 
themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by 
the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the 
wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite 
clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and 
Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that 
looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed 
dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops 
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke 
from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red 
suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was 
suing over unauthorized use of his nose - And had gone on Geraldo, in 
front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said 
she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left 
in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion That making a 
choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of 
fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that 
might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. 
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. 
Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. 
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed 
to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were 
like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles 
of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one 
ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing 
sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should 
be pass?; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not 
figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, 
But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite 
empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all 
without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, 
with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; Every 
ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is 
that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones 
enjoy Peace on Earth."

~Unknown

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Twas The Night Before Christmas...For Moms

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the abode Only one 
creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children 
were finally sleeping all snug in their beds, while Visions of 
Nintendo and Barbie flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a half-constructed 
bicycle propped on his knee. So only Mom heard the reindeer hooves 
clatter, Which made her sigh, "Now what is the matter?"

With the toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She descended 
the stairs and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, 
which fell with a shrug, "Oh, great," muttered Mom, "now I have to 
clean the rug."

"Ho Ho Ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake, your gift was 
especially difficult to make." "Thanks, Santa, but all I want is time 
alone." "Exactly!" he chuckled, "So, I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" she muttered, "What good is that?" "Run along, Santa, I've 
no time for chit chat." Then out walked the clone - The Mother's 
twin; Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.

"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take 
it easy, watch The Young and The Restless." "Fantastic!" the Mom 
cheered. "My dream has come true!" "I'll shop, I'll read, I'll sleep 
a night through!"

 From the room above, the youngest did fret. "Mommy? Come quickly, 
I'm scared and I'm wet." The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." 
"Hey," the Mom smiled, "she sure knows her part."

The clone changed the small one and hummed her a tune, as she bundled 
the child in a blanket cocoon. "You're the best mommy ever. I really 
love you." The clone smiled and sighed, "And I love you, too."

The Mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. That's my child's 
love she is trying to steal." Smiling wisely, Santa said, "To me it 
is clear, Only one loving Mother is needed here."

The Mom kissed her child and tucked her in bed. "Thank you, Santa, 
for clearing my head. I sometimes forget, it won't be very long, when 
they'll be too old for my cradle and song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, 
"It works every time." With the clone by his side, Santa said, "Good 
night. Merry Christmas, dear Mom, you will be all right."

~ Author Unknown

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A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old- 
fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out 
when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and 
getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it 
down his pants.

Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, "Hey! Is 
that a record in your pants?"

The man replies, "Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard 
any complaints."

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In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she 
would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the 
class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the 
world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because 
gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth 
more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny 
stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you 
should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

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Two Lions

Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the 
jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made 
them claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. 
Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a well 
traveled trail through the jungle.

All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the 
trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.

The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was 
unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and must publicized guide who 
did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.

While he was leading a safari through the jungle, walking all day and 
cutting vines with their machetes, all this constant hacking brush 
had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari 
drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail 
between these two lions and camp for the night.

After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled African 
Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily engaged in 
the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on African 
Jack and ate him on the spot.

When the 6 o'clock news heard of the tragedy, they reported, "African 
Jack killed this evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported 
he was reading between the lions."

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"Holiday Safety Hints"

1. Do not overload electrical circuits. No more than three sets of 
lights to one extension cord. and no more than 3 drinks to one 
decorator !

2. Check all lights for damaged sockets, plugs or cords. Repair or 
replace anything that looks defective. Replace hubby ?

3. Only use UL or FM labeled extension cords, the ones in the yearly 
stash marked XMAS cords.

4. Don't run electrical cords under rugs or carpeting. across open 
bare floors is ok.

5. Turn off all electrical decorations before leaving home or going 
to bed. soon, the guv'mint will tell us this is the law, for our own 
good !

6. Be sure that lights used outside are clearly marked for outdoor 
use. car headlights ?

7. Be careful when using ladders outside to decorate home exteriors. 
Do not place lights in trees near power lines. early 4th of July 
display may occur!

8. Fasten outdoor lights securely to the exterior to protect the 
lights from wind damage. Use only insulated staples to hold strings 
in place, not nails or tacks. men, by nature, will not adhere to this 
one.

9. Never use electric lights on old metal artificial trees. 
Artificial tree ???

10. Keep all light strings out of reach of small children. and 
cats....this one is impossible.

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A Child’s Wonder

“Daddy”, he said, his eyes full of tears, “Will you talk to me and 
quiet my fears? Those bad boys at school are spreading a lie ‘bout 
the impossibility of reindeer that fly.

There’s no Santa Clause, they say with a grin, there’s not one now, 
and there never has been. How can one man take all of those toys to 
thousands of girls and thousands of boys?

But I told them Daddy, that they were not right, that I would come 
home and find out tonight. Mummy said wait until you come home. 
Please tell me now that I was not wrong.”

His Daddy looked at his questioning face and brushed back his hair 
while his frantic mind raced. He had put this off as long as he 
could, he had to think fast and it better be good.

Whispering a prayer, he began with a smile, “well climb on my lap 
mate, let’s talk a while. Remember at church how we learned to pray, 
asking God to take care of us each day?

And you know how we say grace before each meal, to this same God who 
we know to be real. Though we never see him, we know he is there 
watching his children with such loving care.”

“God started Christmas a long time ago when He gave us His son to 
love and to know. A spirit of giving came with that birth, and God’s 
generosity filled the whole earth.

Man had to name this spirit of giving just as he names all things 
that are living. The name Santa Claus came to someone’s mind, 
probably the best name of any to find.

There is, you can see, and I think quite clear truly a Santa who 
visits each year. A spirit like God, whom we never see, he enters the 
hearts of your mother and me.

Each year at Christmas for one special night we become him and 
everything right.

But the REAL spirit of Christmas is in you and in me and I hope you 
are old enough now to see that as we believe and continue to give, 
our friend Santa Claus will continue to live.” MERRY CHRISTMAS!

~Unknown

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The teacher asked her students how they celebrate Christmas. She 
called on Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what does your family do 
at Christmas time?"

"Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we 
sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the 
back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all excited, we go to bed 
and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice, Patrick. Betty Schmidt, what does your family do at 
Christmas?"

"My sister and I also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing 
carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the 
chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for 
Santa Claus to bring our presents."

A Jewish boy had his hand in the air so the teacher asked Isaac 
Cohen, "What does your family do at Christmas?"

"It's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We 
all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When 
we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing 'What a 
Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas."

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Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her 
constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started 
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.

One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed 
his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. 
Smith died of a heart attack.

On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. 
Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery.

The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed 
by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have 
anything for worms?"

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A teacher asked a little boy to spell the word "straight." He did so. 
Then she asked, "What does it mean?" He said, "Without ginger ale."

In 1861, Florida seceded from the union. They actually seceded in 
1859. But it wasn't until 1861 that all the votes were tabulated.

At the dentist's office next to a bowl of candy: "Why delay? Start 
new cavities today!"

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As I was driving over to let my brothers's dog, Max, out, I suddenly 
realized I had left the key to his house at my parents' home, 25 
miles away. I stopped at a phone booth and called a locksmith. He 
told me the conditions under which he'd do the job, one of which was 
to leave a note in the house that he wasn't responsible for any 
damages or missing property. "No problem," I said, "but I don't think 
the note will be necessary. The dog's a rottweiler."

"In that case," he said, "we'll unlock the door, but you'll be 
responsible for opening it."

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If America and Canada got into a war, where would all the draft 
dodgers go?

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THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CHRISTMAS

1. Thou shalt not put any other holiday traditions or celebrations 
(not even Santa Claus) above the celebration of our Savior's birth 
and the deep meaning of His life, teachings, and sacrifices.

2. Thou shalt look at thy life and make at least one positive change 
as your gift to the Savior at His birthday celebration.

3. Thou shalt have many traditions, especially those types of 
traditions that remind you of the Savior, give service to others, and 
bring your family closer together.

4. Thou shalt remember those who are alone and help them to have a 
"Merry Christmas" also.

5. Thou shalt give gifts of worth and not merely add to another's 
collection of clutter simply for the sake of "giving a gift." Give of 
yourself which is the way Savior gave.

6. Thou shalt value the effort and thought put into gifts received. 
Just as with the widow's mite, it is the meaning that gives a gift 
value not the dollar amount paid.

7. Thou shalt give no gift grudgingly or because you have to. This 
does not mean to not give the gift to someone, but work until you 
have changed your own attitude.

8. Thou shalt not become so busy that you don't have time to really 
enjoy the season.

9. Thou shalt remember that of all the beautiful and expensive gifts, 
what children want and need most is honor, respect, love, and your time.

10. Above all, Thou shalt find a way to keep the spirit of the 
Christmas season and of giving all through the year.

~ Debra Oaks Coe

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A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas 
cards.

What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the counter.

'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better 
give me twenty Catholic and twenty Presbyterian.

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Christian Bumper Sticker: 'Pray' is a four letter-word that you can 
say anywhere (except in a public school).

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A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique 
Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down.

The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. 
"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue 
of chicken!" she proudly replied.

"Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any 
idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating 
anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just 
bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.

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Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to 
look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said, “Suits ?5.00 each, Shirts ?2.00 each, Trousers ?2.50 
per pair.”

Paddy says to his pal, “Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, 
and when we get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune. Now when we 
go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 
cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll 
speak in me best English accent.”

“Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.” says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at ?5.00 each, 100 
shirts at 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at ?2.50 each. I'll 
back up my truck and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Well... yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d' y' know dat?"

The owner says, “This is a dry cleaners.”

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LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH VODKA”


1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with  vodka. 
The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a  trigger-
spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five  minutes 
and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and
mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft,  
clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans  the 
glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and  
letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after  shaving. 
The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent  to 
cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The  
alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates 
the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray 
bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock 
freezer bag, and freeze for a slushy, refreezable ice pack for aches, 
pain, or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender 
flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the 
sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply 
the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing nine tablespoons powered 
cinnamon with one cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for two 
weeks. Strain through a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse 
your mouth. Don’t swallow.

12. Using a q-tip, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.13. 
If a blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local 
anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

13. If a blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local 
anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka with two teaspoons crushed 
rosemary, let sit for two days, strain through a coffee filter and 
massage into your scalp and let dry.

15. To treat an earache put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let 
\set for a few minutes. Then drain. The vodka will kill the bacteria 
that is causing pain in your ear.

16.. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest 
and back as a liniment.

17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

19. To remove cigarette smoke in your home or office mix one part 
vodka and three parts water and spray the clothing, then launder and 
let dry.

20. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the 
urushiol oil from your skin.

21. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to 
absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

After reading this, can you believe that some people drink the stuff?

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When my brother-in-law was on leave from national service, he brought 
home a heavily tattooed friend. We all sat down to Sunday lunch, and 
my four-year-old nephew couldn't take his eyes off the man's colorful 
arms.

Curiosity finally got the better off him. Politely, he asked the 
visitor, "Didn't your mother give you paper to write on?"

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A young man attending university sent the following note to his 
father. "No mon, no fun, your son." The father sent the following 
reply: "So sad, too bad, your dad.

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A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along. All of a sudden, 
a cat attacked them. The mother mouse shouted, "Bark!" and the cat 
ran away. "Do you see how important it is," said the mother, "to 
speak in a second language?"

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This doctor, each day after work goes into the same bar owned by his 
friend, Dick. Everyday he gets an almond daiquiri.

On this one day however, Dick was out of almonds, so made him his 
usual drink, but using hickory nuts instead. The doctor took one sip 
and asks, “Is this a almond daiquiri Dick?”

He replies, “No... It’s a hickory daiquiri Doc!”

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This does it for this time around ... a bit lengthy, but filled with 
lots of Chuckles, Grins or Giggles and maybe a Groaner or 2. -- Have 
fun and Pass these on to that person you think can use a little humor 
today!


**** Reader's Submissions ****

Christmas is the word, not Xmas.

Bill Walker
 
I know what Christmas is, and what it means. Haven't a foggy what Xmas is nor what it means.  I am a old fellow, seems like Christmas has been around for a long time.  I also think I remember as a young fellow seeing the letters Xmas.  I still can't understand the whys, the whats, and the wherefores use of the word.  Guess I haven't got much gray matter between the ears.
 
Now let me tell something.  I think Christmas is the right word.  Christ is the reason for the Holiday.  Whats with this X stuff?  Is that a way of putting Christ out of the picture? Maybe so, seems like  we are doing that more every day.
 
Now I am not a great drum beater on any religion or thinking along these matters. But I do think Christmas is the day we say Christ came to take away mankind's sins. So what once again do we come up with this X stuff?
 
Can't we give him one day a year?  After all it is said most every one in this country believes in God. If that be the case, then a great lot of that number believes in Christ. What is the problem?  Can't we spell Christ, and put the mas on the end. Just what is the X got to do with it? I guess we are to lazy to spell Christ. Then too we might upset some nonbeliever.  Bet the nonbeliever believes in Santa.  Maybe in the Tooth Fairy also.
 
So with that in mind, please humor a old fellow. Put it to me Merry Christmas.  I never believed in Xmas, who is that guy anyways?



I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5pm, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the "quickie mart" building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a Gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying," so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?" That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me."

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could! fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come le with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car She told the kid! s they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there.

I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you like an angel or something?"

This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings..! .

 

The Christ In Christmas


Let's keep Christ in Christmas for sure this year.
The Babe, born in a manger, each day grows more dear.
They said long before, He would be born one day,
The star in the east would show them the way!

The shepherds would find Him, lying wrapped and in a manger.
They brought Him gifts, that small sweet Stranger.
This helpless small Child, grew up and died on the cross.
He came down to Earth to die for the lost!

So we, in forgetting what Christmas means,
We tell our dear Savior, "You died in vain!"
Instead let's forget the commercial way.
Saying, "Thank You, Lord, for Your birth on this day!"

Yes, let's keep Christ in Christmas, as His birthday draws near,
And as we swap presents we've bought through the year,
Let's give our lives to Jesus, as He looks down from above.
For my Friend, He is waiting, to fill your life, with His love




**** ON THIS DAY ****


 
"BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS"
 
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.
I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big Sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even Dummies know that!"
 
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day Because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma Always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot Easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they Were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
 
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I Told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she Snorted...." Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going Around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your Coat, and let's go."
 
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second World-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, The one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we Walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy Something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then
She turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, But never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big
And crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.
 
For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar Bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the Kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, When I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He as a kid with bad breath and Messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.
Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never
Went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, Telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker Didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar Bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked Real warm, and he would like that.
 
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the
Counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I Replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
 
The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really
Needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in A bag, smiled again, and wished me MerryChristmas.
 
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out Of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and Ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.
 
Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me Over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and Forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
 
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I Crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma Gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
 
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present
Down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the Bushes and Grandma.
 
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front
Door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
 
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent
Shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I Realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they Were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95


*The Christmas Address Book*

I have a list of folks I know all written in a book,
And every year when Christmas comes, I go and take a look.
And that is when I realize that these names are a part,
Not only of the book they're written in, but also of my heart.

For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime, And
in the meeting they've become, the rhythm in each rhyme. And while it
sounds fantastic for me to make this claim, I really feel that I'm
composed of each remembered name.

And while you may not be aware of any special "link",
Just meeting you has changed my life alot more than you think. For once
I've met somebody, the years cannot erase, The memory of a pleasant word
or of a friendly face.

So never think my Christmas cards are just mere routine,
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas card, that is addressed to you, It's because
you are on the list of folks I'm indebted to.

For you are but the total of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be the one of those I prefer not to forget. And
whether I have known you for many years or few, In some ways you have
had a part in shaping things I do.

And every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The best gift life can offer is knowing folks like you!
So, may the Spirit of Christmas that forever and ever endures, Leave its
richest blessing in the hearts of you and yours.

~Author Unknown....

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****

These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-12-

Allen Massey, of "Louise Massey & the Westerners" born in Texas 1907.

Reggie Young, session guitarist, born Caruthersville, MO 1936.

La Costa, Tanya Tucker's older sister, born Seminole, TX 1951.

Johnny Cash suggested to Carl Perkins that "Blue Suede Shoes" would be a great title for a song 1955.

Leon "Abner" Weaver, age 76, of "The Weaver Brothers & Elviry" died 1962.

Dolly Parton's "Joshua," debuted on the charts 1970.

Buck Owens recorded "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" 1970.

George and Norma Strait were married twice this month in 1971. Once in Mexico and once in Pearsall, Texas in front of their parents.

Hank Williams III, the son of Hank Jr., born Houston, TX 1972.

Elvis made his last Las Vegas appearance at the Las Vegas Hilton in 1976.

Mike Snider and Sabrina "Sweetie" Goodwin were married 1982.

Clifton Chenier of "The King of Zydeco" died 1987.

Johnny Cash was diagnosed with blockage of an artery 1988.

Clint Black was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame 1996.

Brooks & Dunn's #1 country hit "Husbands And Wives" crossed over and debuted on the Billboard Top 40 chart 1998.

Col. Robert Morris, Rockabilly and Traditional Country Hall of Fame inductee was born Dec. 12, 1951 in Memphis, TN.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Rumors stir theme park buzz

By GAIL KERR


Flirting with boys who were passing by on the Skyride. A safe place for teens to go, without their parents. Your first job.

Those are the kinds of things people remember so fondly about Opryland USA. They opened more than a theme park in 1972. They built something we had in common. And that's why, like Castner-Knott, the Parthenon Nativity scene and Acme Farm Supply, people are still mourning the 1997 closing of Opryland USA.




The rides came down. The trees were cut. They paved paradise and put up a Shopryland.

So news that Gaylord Entertainment Co. might build a new theme park has Nashville buzzing. Gaylord asked to rezone 105 acres along Briley Parkway, which would allow a theme park.

And that's enough to bring back a flood of memories.

I lived in Donelson B.O.: Before Opryland. When they built it, it changed our neighborhood. It changed our city. It changed forever each person who got splashed on the Flume Zoom or snarfed down a guitar-shaped ice cream bar on a steamy summer day.

It wasn't the biggest or most elaborate theme park. It wasn't Six Flags or Disney. But it was ours.

There were must-do rituals every summer. Visit the petting zoo. Walk through the weird fun house, which used mirrors to make you feel like you were on a steep tilt. Listen to the music in the Doo Wah Diddy City area. Ride the Tin Lizzie cars that made you feel like you were really driving.

The I Hear America Singing show was the first experience many of us had with live theater. There were drinks shaped like fruit. The Timber Topper, a not-as-scary-as-the-fairgrounds roller coaster. Later, a bigger coaster was added that went upside down — the Wabash Cannonball.

Disney had Mickey and Minnie. We had people dressed as guitars and banjos.

Our mothers were willing to leave us at the movie theater and the roller rink in Donelson. Opryland became a third place.

Oh, that wonderful Good Times Pass. It was a cheaper season ticket that allowed you in after 5 p.m. My best friend and I wore out our Good Times Passes. Our fixation centered on the rock 'n' roll band. To this day, it's not Peter Frampton I think of when I hear Baby I Love Your Way.

Our Opryland good times pretty much ended when my buddy got a job sweeping at Opryland the summer we turned 16. I couldn't imagine then or now what sounded fun about sweeping up cigarette butts during a hot Nashville summer. I got my first job, as a copy girl at The Tennessean.

We grew up and moved on, as did Nashville. But like that endless Skyride loop, Nashville's chance for a theme park has come around again.

 

Toby Keith Sued Over "I Love This Bar"

December 7, 2006 — Toby Keith is being sued for copyright infringement by a singer-songwriter in Key West, Fla. who says his tune, "Tourist Town Bar" is strikingly similar to Toby's 2003 hit, "I Love This Bar." The Miami Herald reports the suit was filed in federal court in Miami against Toby and his co-writer Scotty Emerick, along with Toby's record label, distribution companies and publishing company, Tokeco Tunes.

Elaine Schock, Toby's publicist, says, "Mr. Keith denies the allegations in the lawsuit and his attorneys will vigorously defend it."

Michael McCloud says he wrote "Tourist Town Bar" in the men's bathroom at Sloppy Joe's Bar in March, 1988. McCloud was reportedly observing the club's eclectic clientele, ranging from spring-breakers to tattooed bikers, when, he says, "A bunch of geriatrics with walkers came in with their drink tickets."

McCloud's attorney, Amy Quezon, says the primary issue is not the music, but the similarity of the lyrics, since both songs begin with colorful descriptions of bar patrons. What helps make the case for a lawsuit, the attorney says, is that Toby recorded his song at Jimmy Buffett's studio in Key West, just a stone's throw from the Schooner Wharf Bar, where McCloud has played regularly for the past 12 years, and claims Toby has visited several times.

"Even though that song is basically a piece of tripe, I nailed it," McCloud says. "And it also is a matter of principle. I think [Toby Keith] felt that old gray-haired drunk wasn't going to do anything about it."

Miami-based entertainment attorney David Bercuson, who has 20 years experience in music copyright law and is not involved in the case, listened to both songs and compared the lyrics at The Miami Herald's request.

His opinion: McCloud's lawsuit faces tough going. "The theme of the songs are comparable, the manner in which the theme is delivered are comparable, but every love song is sort of the same, too,'' Bercuson said. "You can't protect an idea."

"The notes aren't the same. The words aren't the same. It sounds like this guy [Keith] heard something, liked the idea and ran with it, giving it his own twist," he said.

McCloud says if Keith had asked, he would have sold him the song for $500. "I really would have. Because the song was written on the toilet and it took me five minutes. Granted, the song has grown since then."


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

"Christmas Candle"


  pineapple slice
1/2 banana
2 maraschino cherries
1 candy mint leaf
1 leaf of lettuce
 
Directions:
 
Place lettuce on plate
Put pineapple slice on lettuce
Put the cut end of the banana in hole of pineapple
Top with cherry
Place mint leaf on side with another cherry  


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

 What's the difference between Turkish coffee, espresso, and Thai coffee?

Coffee drinks come in all shapes and sizes, and you've identified three interesting choices. Here are the recipes for all three:

Turkish coffee originated in the Middle East in the Middle Ages. The coffee is very finely ground (finer than espresso), and is brewed in little pots called ibriks or cezves. Depending on where it's served, it may also be called Greek, Arabic, or Middle Eastern coffee.

Espresso comes from the Italian phrase "caffe espresso," or "pressed out coffee." It is coffee brewed by forcing steam through finely ground, dark-roasted coffee beans. Espresso is very strong, and is usually drunk in a few gulps, sometimes with a twist of lemon peel. However, with the addition of frothed milk, espresso becomes a more sippable drink offered in variations such as cappucino, macchiato, and caffe latte.

Thai coffee consists of strong, chicory-tinged coffee, sweetened condensed milk, and ice. To make it at home, add a tablespoon of condensed milk to a six-ounce cup of strong coffee, then throw in some ice. It's an excellent complement to Thai food, which is often very spicy.




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

There is no virtue in giving to others what is useless to oneself.

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