|
From Carlisle
,Indiana U.S.A.
 Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older than it is to get wiser

TUESDAY DECEMBER 12,2006
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY: A
candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to
protect them from each other.
Last Christmas,
grandpa was feeling his age, and found that shopping for Christmas gifts had
become too difficult. So he decided to send checks to everyone instead. In
each card he wrote, "Buy your own present!" and mailed them early.
He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was only
after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very few cards in
return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study, intending to write a couple
of his relatives and ask what had happened. It was then, as he cleared off his
cluttered desk that he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified
to find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the
cards. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bubba Claus and Santa Claus"
Bubba Claus and Santa Claus, There Are Differences Such As:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can
handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt Jr. , on Andretti,
on Elliott, and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a local
county courthouse the Clerk of Court hated fake Christmas trees, so he always
put up a real tree in the Clerk's office every year. One year the Fire
Marshal happened to do a building inspection of the courthouse just before
Christmas, while the Clerk was out to lunch, and noticed the tree. In
the belief that the tree represented a fire hazard, he proceeded to write a
citation for a violation of the fire code, which prohibited "live" trees in a
public building, and gave it to the Clerk's assistant. When the Clerk
returned from lunch and was given the citation, he hit the roof. Determined
that no Fire Marshal was going to spoil his Christmas, he decided to fight
the citation. So he went to the morgue in the adjoining police station,
and asked the Coroner for his help. The Coroner came over and put a toe tag
on the tree, listing the cause of death as "Being cut off at ground
level". The Clerk called the Fire Marshal back to re-inspect, and showed
him the toe tag on the tree. He told him that when the Coroner
pronounces something "dead", it is *legally* dead, and therefore the citation
for having a "live" tree was obviously in error, and wasn't worth the
paper it was written on. The Fire Marshal thought about it, and came
to the realization that, since he would have to pursue the fire code
violation in that very courtroom, this was probably one argument he wasn't
going to win. So he let them have their
tree. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a woman out
Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row
after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and hearing both her
children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, this woman
finally made it out of the store and to the elevator with her two
kids. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season
time of the year: Overwhelming pressure to go to every party,
every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that
perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we
don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure
we respond to everyone who sends us a card. Not to mention, getting
the kids everything they ask for. Finally the elevator doors
opened--there was already a crowd in the car. This woman pushed her way
into the car and dragged her two kids in with her, along with all her bags of
stuff. When the doors closed, she let out a big sigh & decided she
couldn't take it anymore, and said out loud to no one in
particular... "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be
arrested and strung up!" >From the back of the elevator, a quiet
calm voice responded, "Don't worry ma'am, I believe they crucified
Him." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Somebody Snitched On Me
(S. Tepper & R. Bennet) I broke my bat on Tommy's head somebody
snitched on me I hid a frog in sister's bed somebody snitched on
me I spilled some ink on mommy's rug, I made Tommy eat a
bug Bought some gum with a penny slug Somebody snitched on
me Oh I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas Mommy and daddy are
mad Oh I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas Cos' I ain't been nuttin'
but bad I put a tack on teacher's chair, somebody snitched on me I
tied a knot in Suzy's hair, somebody snitched on me I did a dance on
mommy's plants, climbed a tree and tore my pants, filled the sugar bowl with
ants Somebody snitched on me I won't be seeing Santa Claus ,
somebody snitched on me He won't come visit me because, somebody snitched
on me Next year I'll be going straight, next year I'll be good, just
wait, I'd start now but it's too late Somebody snitched on
me &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's
ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** HEALTH
NEWS ****
Study finds certain
drugs cut Alzheimer's
NEW YORK, -- U.S.
scientists say they've identified anti- hypertensive agents that
can prevent cognitive decline and amyloid neuropathology in
Alzheimer patients. The research, conducted by Dr. Giulio Maria
Pasinetti and colleagues at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine,
suggests a large number of geriatric patients under
pharmacological treatment for high-blood pressure with certain
anti-hypertensive drugs might also reap the benefits of the
drug's cognitive effects. Pasinetti's research is part of a
growing push to identify and develop more effective treatments
for Alzheimer's disease. "There is no convincing evidence
that there is any available drug presently on the market to
cure Alzheimer's disease and there are many questions
surround- ing the effectiveness of drugs that are available to
delay or effectively alleviate symptoms of memory
deterioration or dementia," said Pasinetti. During the past two
years, researchers have begun screening drugs already
commercially available for treatment of other disorders to
determine their potential value in treating Alzheimer's disease
and cognitive impairment. Pasinetti's findings were
presented Wednesday in New York during the American College
of Neuropsychopharmacology's annual
conference.
DNA strand study: unexpected flexibility
BLACKSBURG, Va., -- U.S. scientists have completed what
they believe is the first simulation that explores the full
range of motions of a DNA strand of 147 base pairs. That length,
say the Virginia Tech researchers, is required to form the
fundamental unit of DNA packing in living cells -- the
nucleosome. The scientists said se- quencing the human genome --
determining the order of DNA building blocks -- has not
completely solved the code of how DNA directs various cellular
processes. In addition to the sequence of the base pairs, the
instruc- tions are in the packaging -- how DNA is folded within
a cell. The Virginia Tech scientists said they used
novel methodology and the university's System X
supercomputer to conduct their experiment. And they found,
contrary to a long-held belief that DNA is hard to bend, the
simula- tion shows in crisp atomic detail that DNA is
consider- ably more flexible than commonly thought. The study
in the December issue of the Biophysical Journal is
also available at
biophysj.org/cgi/content/full/91/11/4121.
Study may lead to better dental
composites
SAN DIEGO, -- A U.S. scientist has
developed ultra-strong fiber-reinforced polymer composites for
industrial applica- tions that he says might also be used in
dentistry. University of California-San Diego structural
engineering professor Vistasp Karbhari said his newly created
composites offer strong lightweight materials for aerospace,
automotive, civil and marine applications. "If they work so well
in high- way bridges," said Karbhari, "why not dental
bridges?" Karbhari and Dr. Howard Strassler of the University
of Maryland Dental School are reporting results of
detailed engineering tests on dental composites containing
glass fibers, as well as the type of polyethylene fibers used
in bullet-proof vests. Their research shows braided
polyethy- lene fibers performed the best, boosting toughness by
up to 433 percent compared with a composite alone. "What's
been missing until now is a rigorous, reproducible way to
test the durability and resistance to breakage for
these materials," Strassler added. "Makers of
fiber-reinforced dental composites need a much better
understanding of how their products actually perform as part of
a restoration, crown, or bridge, and this study provides an
analytical standard with which all composites should be
evaluated in the future." The study is to appear in the journal
Dental Materials.
*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!***** Here
comes the first SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION of GGG - Sent just for the Fun
of it, because we think everyone needs a few laffs sometime. -
A man
parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty
shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him,
"Excuse me, did you want a cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one
thing."
As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Just like a
man."
TOP 10 REASONS WHY HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS
10. There's
no "Kathy Lee Gifford Special"
9. Eight days of presents
8. No
need to clean the chimney
7. There's no latke-nog
6. Burl Ives
doesn't sing Hanukkah songs
5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah
Seals
4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."
3. No
barking dog version of "I had a Little Dreidl."
2. No pine needles to
vacuum up afterwards
1. Latkes are cheaper to mail than
fruitcakes
CHRISTMAS PAST (Carice Williams)
Each Christmas I remember The
ones of long ago; I see our mantelpiece adorned With stockings in a
row.
Each Christmas finds me dreaming Of days that used to be, When we
hid presents here and there, For all the family.
Each Christmas
I remember The fragrance in the air, Of roasting turkey and mince pies
And cookies everywhere.
Each Christmas finds me longing For Christmases
now past, And I am back in childhood As long as memories
last.
CHRISTMAS TREES (James M. Bilbrey)
Sweet spring showers bring a
fragrant bouquet A soft wind blows and meadowlarks play The pine
covered hillside wild creatures reside A season of growth as you reach
for the sky.
Through long summer days you sit parched and brown Your
needles fall softly and cover the ground The struggle so mighty the
rewards seem so few But from such despair a strong pine tree
grew.
Now the days they grow short theres a chill in the air Changes
are coming a fate we all share The birds now seek cover in your
boughs lush and green Autumn winds are upon you its now time to
dream.
You wear a white mantle as snow covers the ground The song of the
saw and soon you fall down Was the struggle in vain for a seedling
to grow Youll soon bask in splendor your purpose to know.
To
be lifted once more in a glorious light The spirit of Christmas you
embody tonight Decked out in splendor your time has now come To herald
the birth of Gods loving
son.
Politically Correct Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically
correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically
Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the
north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four
reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds
by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner,
Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked
stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were
termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the
cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand
smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed
red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the
strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over
unauthorized use of his nose - And had gone on Geraldo, in front of
the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the
reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of
this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd
never had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And
nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing
to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to
be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No
candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to
embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like
Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of
those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one
ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be
sexist, and should be pass?; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain
away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could
not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be
gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was
quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be
found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to
all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would
satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here
is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved
ones enjoy Peace on
Earth."
~Unknown
Twas The Night Before Christmas...For Moms
'Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through the abode Only one creature was stirring,
and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping
all snug in their beds, while Visions of Nintendo and Barbie flipped
through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV, With a
half-constructed bicycle propped on his knee. So only Mom heard the
reindeer hooves clatter, Which made her sigh, "Now what is the
matter?"
With the toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, She
descended the stairs and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes
and soot, which fell with a shrug, "Oh, great," muttered Mom, "now I
have to clean the rug."
"Ho Ho Ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad
you're awake, your gift was especially difficult to make." "Thanks,
Santa, but all I want is time alone." "Exactly!" he chuckled, "So,
I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she muttered, "What good is that?"
"Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit chat." Then out walked the
clone - The Mother's twin; Same hair, same eyes, same double
chin.
"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess. You'll relax,
take it easy, watch The Young and The Restless." "Fantastic!" the
Mom cheered. "My dream has come true!" "I'll shop, I'll read, I'll
sleep a night through!"
From the room above, the youngest
did fret. "Mommy? Come quickly, I'm scared and I'm wet." The clone
replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." "Hey," the Mom smiled, "she sure
knows her part."
The clone changed the small one and hummed her a tune,
as she bundled the child in a blanket cocoon. "You're the best mommy
ever. I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, "And I love
you, too."
The Mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. That's my
child's love she is trying to steal." Smiling wisely, Santa said, "To
me it is clear, Only one loving Mother is needed here."
The Mom
kissed her child and tucked her in bed. "Thank you, Santa, for
clearing my head. I sometimes forget, it won't be very long, when
they'll be too old for my cradle and song."
The clock on the mantle
began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side, Santa said, "Good night. Merry Christmas,
dear Mom, you will be all right."
~ Author
Unknown
A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-
fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out
when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and
getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it
down his pants.
Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and
says, "Hey! Is that a record in your pants?"
The man replies,
"Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard any
complaints."
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she
would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the
class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the
world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I
would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy
a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little
Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more
than gold and I could buy a Corvette"
The teacher smiled and then called
on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want
silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying,
"Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports
cars outside our
house!"
Two Lions
Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique
lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like
qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross
over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf
was a well traveled trail through the jungle.
All day every
day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their
compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.
The local natives
knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack,
a well-known and must publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and
was unfamiliar with the territory.
While he was leading a safari through
the jungle, walking all day and cutting vines with their machetes, all
this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing
two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided
to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the
night.
After sitting up camp, eating, and getting his safari settled
African Jack sat on a stump and began reading. While he was busily
engaged in the printed page, the two lions, simultaneously, pounced on
African Jack and ate him on the spot.
When the 6 o'clock news
heard of the tragedy, they reported, "African Jack killed this
evening. The motive is unclear, but it is reported he was reading
between the
lions."
"Holiday Safety Hints"
1. Do not overload electrical circuits. No
more than three sets of lights to one extension cord. and no more than
3 drinks to one decorator !
2. Check all lights for damaged
sockets, plugs or cords. Repair or replace anything that looks
defective. Replace hubby ?
3. Only use UL or FM labeled extension cords,
the ones in the yearly stash marked XMAS cords.
4. Don't run
electrical cords under rugs or carpeting. across open bare floors is
ok.
5. Turn off all electrical decorations before leaving home or
going to bed. soon, the guv'mint will tell us this is the law, for our
own good !
6. Be sure that lights used outside are clearly
marked for outdoor use. car headlights ?
7. Be careful when
using ladders outside to decorate home exteriors. Do not place lights
in trees near power lines. early 4th of July display may
occur!
8. Fasten outdoor lights securely to the exterior to protect
the lights from wind damage. Use only insulated staples to hold
strings in place, not nails or tacks. men, by nature, will not adhere
to this one.
9. Never use electric lights on old metal
artificial trees. Artificial tree ???
10. Keep all light
strings out of reach of small children. and cats....this one is
impossible.
A Childs Wonder
Daddy, he said, his eyes full of tears, Will you
talk to me and quiet my fears? Those bad boys at school are spreading
a lie bout the impossibility of reindeer that fly.
Theres no
Santa Clause, they say with a grin, theres not one now, and there
never has been. How can one man take all of those toys to thousands of
girls and thousands of boys?
But I told them Daddy, that they were not
right, that I would come home and find out tonight. Mummy said wait
until you come home. Please tell me now that I was not
wrong.
His Daddy looked at his questioning face and brushed back his
hair while his frantic mind raced. He had put this off as long as
he could, he had to think fast and it better be
good.
Whispering a prayer, he began with a smile, well climb on my
lap mate, lets talk a while. Remember at church how we learned to
pray, asking God to take care of us each day?
And you know how
we say grace before each meal, to this same God who we know to be
real. Though we never see him, we know he is there watching his
children with such loving care.
God started Christmas a long time ago
when He gave us His son to love and to know. A spirit of giving came
with that birth, and Gods generosity filled the whole
earth.
Man had to name this spirit of giving just as he names all
things that are living. The name Santa Claus came to someones
mind, probably the best name of any to find.
There is, you can
see, and I think quite clear truly a Santa who visits each year. A
spirit like God, whom we never see, he enters the hearts of your
mother and me.
Each year at Christmas for one special night we become him
and everything right.
But the REAL spirit of Christmas is in
you and in me and I hope you are old enough now to see that as we
believe and continue to give, our friend Santa Claus will continue to
live. MERRY
CHRISTMAS!
~Unknown
The teacher asked her students how they celebrate Christmas. She
called on Patrick Murphy. "Tell me, Patrick, what does your family do
at Christmas time?"
"Me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the
midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we
put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all
our toys."
"Very nice, Patrick. Betty Schmidt, what does your family do
at Christmas?"
"My sister and I also go to Church with Mum and
Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies
and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep,
waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
A Jewish boy
had his hand in the air so the teacher asked Isaac Cohen, "What does
your family do at Christmas?"
"It's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive
to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty
shelves and sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to
the
Bahamas."
Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her
constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.
One day she
complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual
treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of
a heart attack.
On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died
of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in
the cemetery.
The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin,
followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you
have anything for
worms?"
A teacher asked a little boy to spell the word "straight." He did
so. Then she asked, "What does it mean?" He said, "Without ginger
ale."
In 1861, Florida seceded from the union. They actually seceded
in 1859. But it wasn't until 1861 that all the votes were
tabulated.
At the dentist's office next to a bowl of candy: "Why delay?
Start new cavities
today!"
As I was driving over to let my brothers's dog, Max, out, I suddenly
realized I had left the key to his house at my parents' home, 25
miles away. I stopped at a phone booth and called a locksmith. He
told me the conditions under which he'd do the job, one of which was
to leave a note in the house that he wasn't responsible for any
damages or missing property. "No problem," I said, "but I don't think
the note will be necessary. The dog's a rottweiler."
"In that case,"
he said, "we'll unlock the door, but you'll be responsible for opening
it."
If America and Canada got into a war, where would all the draft
dodgers
go?
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CHRISTMAS
1. Thou shalt not put any other
holiday traditions or celebrations (not even Santa Claus) above the
celebration of our Savior's birth and the deep meaning of His life,
teachings, and sacrifices.
2. Thou shalt look at thy life and make at
least one positive change as your gift to the Savior at His birthday
celebration.
3. Thou shalt have many traditions, especially those types
of traditions that remind you of the Savior, give service to others,
and bring your family closer together.
4. Thou shalt remember
those who are alone and help them to have a "Merry Christmas"
also.
5. Thou shalt give gifts of worth and not merely add to
another's collection of clutter simply for the sake of "giving a
gift." Give of yourself which is the way Savior gave.
6. Thou
shalt value the effort and thought put into gifts received. Just as
with the widow's mite, it is the meaning that gives a gift value not
the dollar amount paid.
7. Thou shalt give no gift grudgingly or because
you have to. This does not mean to not give the gift to someone, but
work until you have changed your own attitude.
8. Thou shalt
not become so busy that you don't have time to really enjoy the
season.
9. Thou shalt remember that of all the beautiful and expensive
gifts, what children want and need most is honor, respect, love, and
your time.
10. Above all, Thou shalt find a way to keep the spirit of
the Christmas season and of giving all through the year.
~
Debra Oaks
Coe
A woman went into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas
cards.
What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the
counter.
'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd
better give me twenty Catholic and twenty
Presbyterian.
Christian Bumper Sticker: 'Pray' is a four letter-word that you can
say anywhere (except in a public
school).
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique
Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his
coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?"
he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly
replied.
"Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider
eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he
fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"
"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man
replied.
Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens
to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his
eye.
The sign said, Suits ?5.00 each, Shirts ?2.00 each, Trousers
?2.50 per pair.
Paddy says to his pal, Mick, look! We could
buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland, we could
make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just
let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might
not be nice to us. I'll speak in me best English
accent.
Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. says
Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at ?5.00 each,
100 shirts at 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at ?2.50 each.
I'll back up my truck and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts,
"You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well... yes," says a surprised Paddy.
"How der hell d' y' know dat?"
The owner says, This is a dry
cleaners.
LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH VODKA
1. To remove a bandage
painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent
dissolves the adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and
showers, fill a trigger- spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking,
let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka
kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the
lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol
in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong
the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka
disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit
stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply
vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and
tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and
stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce
trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill
them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a
Ziplock freezer bag, and freeze for a slushy, refreezable ice pack for
aches, pain, or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise
jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka,
seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid
through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and
pains.
11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing nine tablespoons
powered cinnamon with one cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for
two weeks. Strain through a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and
rinse your mouth. Dont swallow.
12. Using a q-tip, apply vodka
to a cold sore to help it dry out.13. If a blister opens, pour vodka
over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the
exposed dermis.
13. If a blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a
local anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.
14.
To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka with two teaspoons crushed
rosemary, let sit for two days, strain through a coffee filter and
massage into your scalp and let dry.
15. To treat an earache put a
few drops of vodka in your ear. Let \set for a few minutes. Then
drain. The vodka will kill the bacteria that is causing pain in your
ear.
16.. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your
chest and back as a liniment.
17. To cure foot odor, wash your
feet with vodka.
18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish
sting.
19. To remove cigarette smoke in your home or office mix one
part vodka and three parts water and spray the clothing, then launder
and let dry.
20. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison
ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
21. Swish a shot
of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the
alcohol to numb the pain.
After reading this, can you believe that some
people drink the
stuff?
When my brother-in-law was on leave from national service, he brought
home a heavily tattooed friend. We all sat down to Sunday lunch, and
my four-year-old nephew couldn't take his eyes off the man's colorful
arms.
Curiosity finally got the better off him. Politely, he asked
the visitor, "Didn't your mother give you paper to write
on?"
A young man attending university sent the following note to his
father. "No mon, no fun, your son." The father sent the following
reply: "So sad, too bad, your
dad.
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along. All of a sudden,
a cat attacked them. The mother mouse shouted, "Bark!" and the cat
ran away. "Do you see how important it is," said the mother, "to
speak in a second
language?"
This doctor, each day after work goes into the same bar owned by his
friend, Dick. Everyday he gets an almond daiquiri.
On this one day
however, Dick was out of almonds, so made him his usual drink, but
using hickory nuts instead. The doctor took one sip and asks, Is this
a almond daiquiri Dick?
He replies, No... Its a hickory daiquiri
Doc!
This does it for this time around ... a bit lengthy, but filled with
lots of Chuckles, Grins or Giggles and maybe a Groaner or 2. -- Have
fun and Pass these on to that person you think can use a little humor
today!
**** Reader's Submissions
****
Christmas is the word, not
Xmas.
Bill Walker
I know what Christmas is, and what
it means. Haven't a foggy what Xmas is nor what it means. I am a old
fellow, seems like Christmas has been around for a long time. I also think
I remember as a young fellow seeing the letters Xmas. I still can't
understand the whys, the whats, and the wherefores use of the word.
Guess I haven't got much gray matter between the ears.
Now let me tell something. I
think Christmas is the right word. Christ is the reason for the
Holiday. Whats with this X stuff? Is that a way of putting Christ
out of the picture? Maybe so, seems like we are doing that more every
day.
Now I am not a great drum beater on
any religion or thinking along these matters. But I do think Christmas is the
day we say Christ came to take away mankind's sins. So what once again do we
come up with this X stuff?
Can't we give him one day a
year? After all it is said most every one in this country believes in God.
If that be the case, then a great lot of that number believes in Christ. What is
the problem? Can't we spell Christ, and put the mas on the end. Just what
is the X got to do with it? I guess we are to lazy to spell Christ. Then
too we might upset some nonbeliever. Bet the nonbeliever believes in
Santa. Maybe in the Tooth Fairy also.
So with that in mind, please humor
a old fellow. Put it to me Merry Christmas. I never believed in Xmas, who
is that guy anyways?
I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5pm, stuck
in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die
- I barely managed to coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would
not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow
truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman
walking out of the "quickie mart" building, and it looked like she slipped on
some ice and fell into a Gas pump, so I got out to see if she was
okay.
When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by
sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard
with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and
I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.
At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying
woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in
a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.
I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just
kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying," so we stood on the other
side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that
things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?"
That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy
person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me."
I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the
pump so she could! fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked
to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift
certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in
the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and
talking a little.
She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her
boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She
knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had
finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They
lived in California and said she could come le with them and try to get on her
feet there.
So she packed up everything she owned in the car She told the
kid! s they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going
to live there.
I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with
her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are
you like an angel or something?"
This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of
year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."
It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And
of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me
home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect
the mechanic won't find anything wrong.
Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear
the flutter of their wings..! .
The Christ In
Christmas
Let's keep Christ in
Christmas for sure this year. The Babe, born in a manger, each day grows more
dear. They said long before, He would be born one day, The star in the
east would show them the way!
The shepherds would find Him, lying wrapped
and in a manger. They brought Him gifts, that small sweet Stranger. This
helpless small Child, grew up and died on the cross. He came down to Earth to
die for the lost!
So we, in forgetting what Christmas means, We tell
our dear Savior, "You died in vain!" Instead let's forget the commercial
way. Saying, "Thank You, Lord, for Your birth on this day!"
Yes, let's
keep Christ in Christmas, as His birthday draws near, And as we swap presents
we've bought through the year, Let's give our lives to Jesus, as He looks
down from above. For my Friend, He is waiting, to fill your life, with His
love

**** ON THIS DAY
****
"BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS"
I remember my first Christmas
adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on
my bike to visit her on the day my big Sister dropped the bomb: "There is no
Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even Dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind,
never had been. I fled to her that day Because I knew she would be straight with
me. I knew Grandma Always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went
down a whole lot Easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon
buns. I knew they Were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were
still warm. Between bites, I Told her everything. She was ready for me. "No
Santa Claus?" she Snorted...." Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been
going Around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your Coat,
and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I
hadn't even finished my second World-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to
be Kerby's General Store, The one store in town that had a little bit of just
about everything. As we Walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars.
That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy Something
for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then She turned and
walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with
my mother, But never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed
big And crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas
shopping.
For a few moments I just stood
there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar Bill, wondering what to buy, and who
on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my
neighbors, the Kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just
about thought out, When I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He as a kid with bad
breath and Messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two
class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never
Went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note,
Telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker
Didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar Bill
with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red
corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked Real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for
someone?" the lady behind the Counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars
down. "Yes, ma'am," I Replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."
The nice lady smiled at me, as I
told her about how Bobby really Needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any
change, but she put the coat in A bag, smiled again, and wished me
MerryChristmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me
wrap the coat (a little tag fell out Of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her
Bible) in Christmas paper and Ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on
it.
Grandma said that Santa always
insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me Over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining
as we went that I was now and Forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from
Bobby's house, and she and I Crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his
front walk. Then Grandma Gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she
whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for
his front door, threw the present Down on his step, pounded his door and
flew back to the safety of the Bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in
the darkness for the front Door to open. Finally it did, and there stood
Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the
thrill of those moments spent Shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby
Decker's bushes. That night, I Realized that those awful rumors about Santa
Claus were just what Grandma said they Were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and
well, and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible, with the
coat tag tucked inside: $19.95
*The Christmas Address
Book*
I have a list of folks I know all written in a
book, And every year when Christmas comes, I go and take a look. And that
is when I realize that these names are a part, Not only of the book they're
written in, but also of my heart.
For each name stands for someone who
has crossed my path sometime, And in the meeting they've become, the rhythm
in each rhyme. And while it sounds fantastic for me to make this claim, I
really feel that I'm composed of each remembered name.
And while you
may not be aware of any special "link", Just meeting you has changed my life
alot more than you think. For once I've met somebody, the years cannot erase,
The memory of a pleasant word or of a friendly face.
So never think my
Christmas cards are just mere routine, Of names upon a Christmas list,
forgotten in between. For when I send a Christmas card, that is addressed to
you, It's because you are on the list of folks I'm indebted to.
For
you are but the total of the many folks I've met, And you happen to be the
one of those I prefer not to forget. And whether I have known you for many
years or few, In some ways you have had a part in shaping things I
do.
And every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew, The best gift
life can offer is knowing folks like you! So, may the Spirit of Christmas
that forever and ever endures, Leave its richest blessing in the hearts of
you and yours.
~Author Unknown.... **** HEADS UP FOLKS
**** These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram in exchange for
advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com& The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link
for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is
excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U
Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this jim4615@earthlink.net Subject
Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****
-12-
Allen Massey, of "Louise Massey & the
Westerners" born in Texas 1907.
Reggie Young, session guitarist, born
Caruthersville, MO 1936.
La Costa, Tanya Tucker's older sister, born
Seminole, TX 1951.
Johnny Cash suggested to Carl Perkins that
"Blue Suede Shoes" would be a great title for a song 1955.
Leon "Abner" Weaver, age 76, of "The Weaver
Brothers & Elviry" died 1962.
Dolly Parton's "Joshua," debuted on the
charts 1970.
Buck Owens recorded "Bridge Over Troubled
Waters" 1970.
George and Norma Strait were married twice
this month in 1971. Once in Mexico and once in Pearsall, Texas in front
of their parents.
Hank Williams III, the son of Hank Jr., born
Houston, TX 1972.
Elvis made his last Las Vegas appearance at
the Las Vegas Hilton in 1976.
Mike Snider and Sabrina "Sweetie" Goodwin
were married 1982.
Clifton Chenier of "The King of Zydeco" died
1987.
Johnny Cash was diagnosed with blockage of an artery
1988.
Clint Black was honored with a star on the
Hollywood Walk of Fame 1996.
Brooks & Dunn's #1 country hit "Husbands
And Wives" crossed over and debuted on the Billboard Top 40 chart
1998.
Col. Robert Morris, Rockabilly and
Traditional Country Hall of Fame inductee was born Dec. 12, 1951 in Memphis,
TN.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Rumors stir theme park buzz
By GAIL
KERR
Flirting with boys who were passing by on the Skyride. A safe
place for teens to go, without their parents. Your first job.
Those are
the kinds of things people remember so fondly about Opryland USA. They opened
more than a theme park in 1972. They built something we had in common. And
that's why, like Castner-Knott, the Parthenon Nativity scene and Acme Farm
Supply, people are still mourning the 1997 closing of Opryland
USA.
The rides came down. The trees were cut. They paved
paradise and put up a Shopryland.
So news that Gaylord Entertainment Co.
might build a new theme park has Nashville buzzing. Gaylord asked to rezone 105
acres along Briley Parkway, which would allow a theme park.
And that's
enough to bring back a flood of memories.
I lived in Donelson B.O.:
Before Opryland. When they built it, it changed our neighborhood. It changed our
city. It changed forever each person who got splashed on the Flume Zoom or
snarfed down a guitar-shaped ice cream bar on a steamy summer day.
It
wasn't the biggest or most elaborate theme park. It wasn't Six Flags or Disney.
But it was ours.
There were must-do rituals every summer. Visit the
petting zoo. Walk through the weird fun house, which used mirrors to make you
feel like you were on a steep tilt. Listen to the music in the Doo Wah Diddy
City area. Ride the Tin Lizzie cars that made you feel like you were really
driving.
The I Hear America Singing show was the first experience many of
us had with live theater. There were drinks shaped like fruit. The Timber
Topper, a not-as-scary-as-the-fairgrounds roller coaster. Later, a bigger
coaster was added that went upside down the Wabash Cannonball.
Disney
had Mickey and Minnie. We had people dressed as guitars and banjos.
Our
mothers were willing to leave us at the movie theater and the roller rink in
Donelson. Opryland became a third place.
Oh, that wonderful Good Times
Pass. It was a cheaper season ticket that allowed you in after 5 p.m. My best
friend and I wore out our Good Times Passes. Our fixation centered on the rock
'n' roll band. To this day, it's not Peter Frampton I think of when I hear Baby
I Love Your Way.
Our Opryland good times pretty much ended when my buddy
got a job sweeping at Opryland the summer we turned 16. I couldn't imagine then
or now what sounded fun about sweeping up cigarette butts during a hot Nashville
summer. I got my first job, as a copy girl at The Tennessean.
We grew up
and moved on, as did Nashville. But like that endless Skyride loop, Nashville's
chance for a theme park has come around again.
Toby Keith
Sued Over "I Love This Bar"
December 7, 2006 Toby Keith is
being sued for copyright infringement by a singer-songwriter in Key West, Fla.
who says his tune, "Tourist Town Bar" is strikingly similar to Toby's 2003 hit,
"I Love This Bar." The Miami Herald reports the suit was filed in federal court
in Miami against Toby and his co-writer Scotty Emerick, along with Toby's record
label, distribution companies and publishing company, Tokeco Tunes.
Elaine Schock, Toby's publicist, says, "Mr. Keith denies the allegations
in the lawsuit and his attorneys will vigorously defend it."
Michael
McCloud says he wrote "Tourist Town Bar" in the men's bathroom at Sloppy Joe's
Bar in March, 1988. McCloud was reportedly observing the club's eclectic
clientele, ranging from spring-breakers to tattooed bikers, when, he says, "A
bunch of geriatrics with walkers came in with their drink tickets."
McCloud's attorney, Amy Quezon, says the primary issue is not the music,
but the similarity of the lyrics, since both songs begin with colorful
descriptions of bar patrons. What helps make the case for a lawsuit, the
attorney says, is that Toby recorded his song at Jimmy Buffett's studio in Key
West, just a stone's throw from the Schooner Wharf Bar, where McCloud has played
regularly for the past 12 years, and claims Toby has visited several times.
"Even though that song is basically a piece of tripe, I nailed it,"
McCloud says. "And it also is a matter of principle. I think [Toby Keith] felt
that old gray-haired drunk wasn't going to do anything about it."
Miami-based entertainment attorney David Bercuson, who has 20 years
experience in music copyright law and is not involved in the case, listened to
both songs and compared the lyrics at The Miami Herald's request.
His
opinion: McCloud's lawsuit faces tough going. "The theme of the songs are
comparable, the manner in which the theme is delivered are comparable, but every
love song is sort of the same, too,'' Bercuson said. "You can't protect an
idea."
"The notes aren't the same. The words aren't the same. It sounds
like this guy [Keith] heard something, liked the idea and ran with it, giving it
his own twist," he said.
McCloud says if Keith had asked, he would have
sold him the song for $500. "I really would have. Because the song was written
on the toilet and it took me five minutes. Granted, the song has grown since
then."
 **** Amy's Kitchen
****
"Christmas Candle"
pineapple
slice 1/2 banana 2 maraschino cherries 1 candy mint leaf 1 leaf of
lettuce
Directions:
Place lettuce on plate
Put pineapple slice on lettuce Put the cut end of the banana in hole of
pineapple Top with cherry Place mint leaf on side with another
cherry
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
What's the difference between Turkish
coffee, espresso, and Thai coffee?
Coffee drinks come in all
shapes and sizes, and you've identified three interesting choices. Here are the
recipes for all three:
Turkish coffee originated
in the Middle East in the Middle Ages. The coffee is very finely ground (finer
than espresso), and is brewed in little pots called ibriks or cezves. Depending
on where it's served, it may also be called Greek, Arabic, or Middle Eastern
coffee.
Espresso comes from the Italian phrase
"caffe espresso," or "pressed out coffee." It is coffee brewed by forcing steam
through finely ground, dark-roasted coffee beans. Espresso is very strong, and
is usually drunk in a few gulps, sometimes with a twist of lemon peel. However,
with the addition of frothed milk, espresso becomes a more sippable drink
offered in variations such as cappucino, macchiato, and caffe latte.
Thai
coffee consists of strong, chicory-tinged coffee, sweetened condensed milk, and
ice. To make it at home, add a tablespoon of condensed milk to a six-ounce cup
of strong coffee, then throw in some ice. It's an excellent complement to Thai
food, which is often very spicy.
****A PARTING THOUGHT
****
There is no virtue in giving to others what is useless to
oneself.
LAST CALL
Y'ALL

  HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR! *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out
there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in
the Funnies personally. The contents
are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an
equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in
service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or
give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our
features are intended to be for entertainment only.
Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS
AMERICA
~ To subscribe,
Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end
of this mailing ~ Regarding
any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me
with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COMor Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN
47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss
getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just
click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Unsubscribe link is at the END of this
list
God Bless America , Our Land
, Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE
Scanned by Avast
virus
protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.comUnsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438
|
|