|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers
If you don't have a
sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at
all
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 20,2006
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Children are a great comfort
in your old
age, and they help you reach it faster too.
"I'm afraid you only have three weeks to live," the
doctor
told his patient.
The patient
replied, "Then I'll take the last two weeks in
July and the week
between Christmas and New Year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman
was pushing her newborn baby in a carriage, when an old friend
approached
her.
-
The friend leaned over, peered into the carriage and commented,
"What a
beautiful baby boy, and he looks JUST like his father."
-
"I
know", replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like
my
husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Theft
The two partners that owned
and operated a rope tow at a popular
Colorado ski resort, were having trouble
with non-ticket purchasers
sneaking onto the ski lift. -
-
Finally,
one of the operators stayed at his post operating the tow,
while the other,
wearing a discarded pair of skis, elbowed his way to
the head of the line.
-
His partner, operating the tow promptly called him back, "Hey
you,
where's your lift ticket?"
-
"I don't need a ticket to ride this
tow." was the reply.
-
At this response, the partner produced an ax, and
with two blows, deftly
chopped off the fronts of his partner's skis, just
ahead of his toes.
-
With the crowd of skiers staring in amazement, the
tow operator lowered
his ax and turned to the crowd,
-
"Anyone else
out there who doesn't have a lift ticket?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
tired traveling sales rep pulled into a hotel around midnight. After a
long
day on the road he asked the clerk for a single room. As the clerk
was
filling out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a
gorgeous
blonde sitting alone in the lobby.
-
He tells the clerk to
wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a
few minutes he comes back,
with the girl on his arm. "What a surprise,
meeting my wife here," he says to
the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double
room for the night."
-
The next
morning, after his overnight sleep aide has left, he has
breakfast and goes
to the check-out counter to settle his bill, and
finds that he has been
billed for an amount over $3000.
-
"What's the meaning of this?" he
complains to the clerk. "There's
obviously been some mistake, I've only been
here one night!"
-
"Yes," replies the clerk, "but your wife has been
here for three weeks."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nursing home in
Ireland has opened a pub for its patients.
-
American nursing homes are
expected to do the same,
-
but only because their patients can't afford
their prescription
painkillers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the guys down at
Fisherman's Pier was complining during half time
that he was contatly being
told by his shrewish wife that she was going
to dance on his grave.
-
He took a pull on his Bud and commented, "Just wait til she finds
out
that I have made arrangements for a burial at
sea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YEAR: 1981
1. Prince Charles
got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of
Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.
YEAR: 2005
1. Prince
Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of
Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.
In the future, if Prince Charles decides
to remarry, somebody
please warn the
Pope!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Potato Story
You know
that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had
eyes
for each
other, and finally hey got married, and had a little sweet
potato, whom they
called 'Yam'.
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time,
they told
her
about the facts of life. They warned her about going
out and getting
half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get
a bad name
for herself like 'Hot Potato', and end up with a bunch of Tater
Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make
a
rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay
home
and become a Couch Potato, either. She would get plenty of exercise
so
as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off
to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out
for the Hard Boiled guys
from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France
called the French
Fries.
And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
wouldn't
get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight
and narrow and wouldn't
associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the
ones from the other
side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the
trucks that
say,
'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to
Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University)
so
that when she graduated she'd
really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam
came home and
announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Mr. and
Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't
possibly
marry
Tom Brokaw because he's just a... just a... just a
COMMON
TATER!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Uncle
Festus
Henry's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country.
One day his
Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited
accommodations,
they were required to sleep together.
When Uncle
Festus came into the bedroom, he saw Henry kneeling at the
side of the bed
with his head bowed.
Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing,
he decided to
present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed
with
his
head bowed.
Henry looked up and said, "Whatcha
doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle
Festus.
"Ma's gonna be mad", said Henry, "The pot's on this
side."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde walks by a travel agency and
notices a sign
in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!"
So she goes
inside, lays her money on the counter and
says, "I'd like the $99 cruise
special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back
room,
ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the
back door and
downhill to the river, where he pushes
her in and sends her
floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the
sign,
goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and
asks for the $99 special. She
too is tied to an inner
tube and sent floating down the river.
Somehow
drifting into stronger current, she eventually
catches up with the first
blonde. They float side by
side for a while before the first blonde asks,
"Do
they serve refreshments on this cruise?"
The second blonde
replies,"They didn't last year...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For our
tenth anniversary, my husband had given me a beautiful ring. I decided to have
it engraved with the words "Ten to forever." Impulsively I called him at work to
tell him what I was going to do. His silence at the other end was puzzling until
I mentally replayed what I had announced: "'Ten to life'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two rich men were talking over coffee and
croissants at their country
club one day and one of them said to the other
one, "Hey, I tell you
my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let
me show you."
And he called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Jim, here
is a 10
dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."
To
which Jim replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the
showroom. The
rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told
you he was
stupid."
The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see
stupid, I
will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Ali: "Ali, go
home
now and check to see if I'm at home."
Ali said, "Yes Sir!! Right
away, Sir" and ran home.
"See what I told you? He doesn't even have
enough brains to know
that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later
on, the two drivers met on the road. Jim said to Ali, "Eh, you
know my boss
is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to
go to the car showroom
and buy him a Mercedes.....Doesn't he know
that today is Sunday?? The
showroom is closed!"
Ali replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss
is sooo much worse,
he asked me to go home to check if he is at home....He's
got a
cellphone,
right, he can just call home to
check!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Christmas Divorce"
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York a week
before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your holiday season, but I have
to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of
misery is enough.
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son asks.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the
father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the
phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care
of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You
are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a thing." and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay"
he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Christmas Tree"
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for
his annual trip....but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got
sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular
ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa
even more.
Then when he went to harness the Reindeer, he found three of them
were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows
where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy
bag fell to the ground, and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went back
into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had hid the liquor
and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the
coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen
floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was
made from.
Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He
opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas Tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely
day? I have a beautiful tree for you, Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would
you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
Tree ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One beautiful December evening Huan Cho
and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the
ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said, "Hey
baby, lets play Wee wee chu!" "Oh no, not now, lets look at
the moon," said Jung Lee. "Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I
play Wee wee chu. I love you and it's the perfect time", Huan
Cho begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the
moon." "Please Jung Lee, just once play Wee wee chu with
me?" June Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "Ok we'll play
Wee wee chu." Huan Cho grabbed his guitar
and they both sang: "Wee wee chu a Merry Christmas, wee wee chu
a Merry Christmas wee wee chu a Merry Christmas and a happy new
year." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I was a newly commissioned
Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant
in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence
unit. One day a long came around with a cover sheet
instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as
indi- cation of their compliance. I figured it meant me too,
so I read and initialed it. BUT a few days
later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An
attached note read: "You are not permanently as- signed to this
unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your
initials and initial your erasure." So I did. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"British
scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with
rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot."
--Jay Leno ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "A recent study has
found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college.
College faculty says that the seniors are like any other
students but take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --Conan
O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The French have launched their own version of Google,
called Quaero. You just type in the subject you're
interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you."
--Amy Poehler ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I remember a Christmas years ago
when my son was a kid. I
bought him a tank. It was about a
hundred dollars, a lot
of money in those days. It was the kind
of tank you could
actually get inside and ride. Instead, after
hours of
assembly on my part, he ended up played in the box it
came in.
It taught me a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box,
and
I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch. It taught me
a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box, and
I got a hundred
dollars' worth of scotch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy and a girl are having a
drink together in a bar. The
man raises his glass and says,
"Here's hoping you're in
Heaven ten minutes before the devil
knows you're dead!"
"What's that mean?" asks the
girl.
"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish
toast."
"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and
cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's
that?"
The girl says, "That's French
toast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two daughters had been given parts in a
Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an
argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old
said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you
it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an
angel!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a
banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the banner
company.
The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted
and the dimensions needed for the entryway.
The sign came back a few days
later: "Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet
wide".
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
**** Reader's
Submissions ****
From Malladi
I Heard
The Bells
Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow was filled with sorrow at the tragic death of his wife in a fire in
1861. The Civil War broke out that same year, and it seemed this was an
additional punishment. Two years later, Longfellow was again saddened to hear
the his own son had been seriously wounded as a lieutenant in the Army of the
Potomac.
Sitting down to his desk, one Christmas Day, he heard the church
bells ringing, and ringing.
It was in this
setting he wrote:
I heard the
bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet
the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair
I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and
mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Then pealed the
bells more loud and deep,
God is not dead, nor doth he sleep.
The wrong
shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to
men.
At this
Chirstmas time whether you are in sorrow or in joy you can know that God is not
dead, not doth he sleep. He knows your every need and longs to comfort you and
be that special friend you need. Seek Him this year instead of the outward
manifestations of the season. He will give life real meaning and your heart real
peace, the peace that passes all understanding.
-------------------
I was just
searching for reference to this song when Malladi sent me the above
piece..
It helps show
the changes that where made from the original poem.
Nancy
------------------
This poem was written on December 25th 1864
during the American Civil War by one of America's greatest writers, Henry
Wadsworth Longfellow. The references to this war were removed when the poem was
rearranged and set to music by John Baptiste Calkin in 1872.
I heard the
bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and
sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And
thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had
rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to
men!
Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night
to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will
to men!
Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in
the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth,
good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of
a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth,
good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace
on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on
earth, good-will to men!"
Then pealed the bells more loud and
deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The
Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"
**** ON THIS DAY
****
"Teach the children! Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning
that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten."
Santa then reached in his bag
and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantle. "Teach the children
that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round,
depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward,
making it a symbol of man's thoughts turning toward heaven."
He again
reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR. "Teach the children that
the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for
the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise."
He
then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE. "Teach the children that the
candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this
great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness."
Once again
he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree. "Teach
the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never
ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection."
He then pulled from
his bag an ornament of himself. "Teach the children that I, Santa Claus
symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of
December."
He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF. "Teach the children that the
holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by
our Savior. The red holly represents the blood shed by Him."
Next he
pulled from his bag a GIFT and said, "Teach the children that God so loved the
world that HE gave HIS only begotten SON..." "Thanks be to God for his
unspeakable gift.
"Teach the children that the wise men bowed before the
Holy BABE and presented HIM with gold, frankincense and myrrh. We should always
give gifts in the same spirit of the wise men."
Santa then reached in his
bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree. "Teach the children
that the candy cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff
helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane is the symbol
that we are our brother's keeper."
He reached in again and pulled out an
ANGEL. "Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious
news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang 'Glory to God in the highest, on
earth peace and good will toward men."
Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling
sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL. "Teach the children that as the
lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should ring mankind to the
fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return."
Santa looked back and was
pleased. He looked back at me and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes.
He said,"Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas and do not
put me in the center, for I am but a humble servant of the One that is, and I
bow down to worship HIM, our LORD, our GOD."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Christmas"
I've been getting ready for
Christmas
I'm revving up for the great day
my credit card's cracked and my
freezer is packed
'cause I started my shopping in May
The mistletoe's hanging in
bunches
'cause the odd Christmas kiss isn't wrong
and the Vicar I've found
- quite likes calling round
and exploring my crowns with his
tongue
The bin men have gotten quite
friendly
they're after a present I fear
they won't feel so chuffed when I
tell them - get stuffed
'cause they don't speak the rest of the
year
The family is coming for
dinner
last year it was quite a good laugh
we ate fairly late - dished the
veg on the plate
found the turkey was still in the bath
the Kids are all pink with
excitement
'cause Santa will come so they say
their lists are extensive -
extremely expensive
and they'll break it all by Boxing day
But it's worth all that fuss
Christmas morning
when their little eyes are all aglow
when we're all
feeling merry full of goodwill and sherry
and suffering from wind Ho Ho
Ho
But please don't forget why we do
it
why each year we must go to this fuss
for that guy up above who brought
peace and brought love
and who probably owns Toys R Us.
Liz Garrad
**** HEADS
UP FOLKS ****
These Are My
Causes Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-20-
George Cooper Jr., president Local 257 American Federation of
Musicians (Nashville,) born Nashville, TN 1897.
Evelyn Overstake of "The Three Little Maids" born Decatur, IL
1914.
Charles "Skeeter" Willis of "The Willis Brothers" born Colton,
OK 1917.
Bill Keith, banjo player, born Boston, MA 1939.
Michael Hurley, a.k.a. Doc Snock, born in Pennsylvania,
1941.
Hank Williams released "Rootie Tootie,"/"My Sweet Love Ain't
Around," 1947.
Lefty Frizzell debuted on the Opry in 1950.
Rob Hajacos, session musician, born Richmond, VA 1956.
Marty Robbins' "El Paso," topped the charts 1959.
Johnny Horton's "Battle of New Orleans" went gold 1966.
Ernest Tubb recorded "Saturday Satan, Sunday Saint" 1968.
Jack Stapp, age 68, died in Nashville, TN 1980. Jack was
program director at WSM for eighteen years, and founded Tree Publishing Co.
Inducted CMHF 1989.
Don Law, producer, died La Marque, TX 1982.
Johnny Cash was admitted to the Betty Ford Center 1983.
Randy Travis joined the Opry 1986.
Garth Brooks' "Longneck Bottle" topped the charts 1997.
Hank Snow, age 85, died 1999. Member Grand Ole Opry. Inducted
CMHF 1979. Member Canadian Country Music Hall of Fame.
Eddy Arnold was awarded the National Medal of the Arts
2000.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC
NEWS ****
Dolly Parton Pledges $500,000 to Hometown
Hospital
Dolly Parton will give $500,000
to a new hospital in her
hometown of Sevierville, Tenn., in
honor of Dr. Robert F.
Thomas, the country doctor who delivered
her in 1946. The
hospital and cancer patient center is expected
to cost $10
million. She will also perform a May 20 concert at
Smokies
Park, a minor league baseball stadium in Sevierville,
to
raise funds for the hospital. At a dinner to
celebrate
state approval of the hospital, Parton said, "Daddy
paid
him with a sack of cornmeal, and I've always joked
that
I've been raking in the dough ever
since."
Country Stars to Spin on Wheel of
Fortune
Terri Clark, Lonestar, Wynonna and Trisha
Yearwood are
among the artists who will film episodes of Wheel
of
Fortune in Charleston, S.C., in January. The
episodes
will air in February. Other participating artists
in-
clude Steve Azar, Josh Gracin, Montgomery Gentry,
Lorrie
Morgan, Julie Roberts, Trent Tomlinson and Mark
Wills.
The stars' winnings will be donated to their
favorite
charities. Letter-turner Vanna White is a native of
South
Carolina. This marks the show's first visit to the
state.
Charlie Daniels' Volunteer Jam returns
|
Monday, December 18, 2006 – Charlie
Daniels announced Monday the Volunteer Jam Tour will, once again, hit
cities all across America in 2007.
The Volunteer Jam started
in 1974 when Daniels wanted to record "Fire On The Mountain" in front of a
live audience. The War Memorial Auditorium in downtown Nashville set the
stage as Daniels' friends joined in on a "jam" that year.
The Charlie Daniels Band
Volunteer Jam Tour 2007 will feature The Marshall Tucker Band along with
The Outlaws and kicks off April 28th in Valdosta, Ga., where it will
continue through Oklahoma City, Tampa, Birmingham, Nashville, Denver, Salt
Lake City, Phoenix, and many other cities to soon be announced. The last
tour date currently listed is July 28 in Oakdale, Conn.
Tour dates are:
April
28 - Valdosta, Ga. - Wild Adventures
May 4 - Thackerville, Okla. -
Winstar Casino
May 5 - Oklahoma City, Okla. - Zoo Amphitheatre
May
11 - Tampa - Ford Amphitheatre
May 12 - West Palm Beach, Fla. - Sound
Advice Amphitheatre
May 18 - Birmingham, Ala. - Verizon Wireless Music
Center
May 19 - Nashville - Starwood Amphitheatre
May 31 - Denver
- City Lights Pavilion
June 1 - Salt Lake City - USANA Amphitheatre
June 2 - Las Vegas - The Aladdin Theatre
June 3 - Phoenix -
Cricket Pavilion
June 7 - Pala, Cal. - The Starlight Theatre
June
8 - Chula Vista, Cal. - Coors Amphitheatre
June 9 - Kelseyville, Cal.
- Konocti Harbor Resort
June 10 - Mountainview, Cal. - Shoreline
Amphitheatre
July 20 - St. Clairsville, Ohio - Jamboree In The Hills
July 27 - Gilford, N.H. - Meadowbrook Musical Arts Center
July 28
- Wallingford, Conn. - Chevrolet Theatre |
Daniels career as a
professional musician began in the 1950’s with the Misty Mountain Boys and he
went on to form The Charlie Daniels Band in 1970. He has recorded countless
hits, has sold over 18 million albums in his career, won numerous awards and has
millions of fans around the world. He won the Grammy for Best Country Vocal for
his classic “Devil Went Down to Georgia.”
The Charlie Daniels Band
“Volunteer Jam” 2007 is being booked exclusively by William Morris
Agency.
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
HONEY ROASTED HOLIDAY
MIX
6 c.
popcorn
1 (5 oz.) can wide chow mein noodles
1
c. honey roasted peanuts
5 tbsp. butter
3 tbsp.
sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp.
cinnamon
Directions:
In large roasting pan,
mix popcorn and chow mein noodles.
Melt butter and sugar
together, stir in vanilla and cinnamon.
Pour over popcorn, toss
to coat. Bake at 250 degrees for 1
hour, stirring every 20
minutes. Add nuts, spread on paper
towels to cool. Store
airtight.
<makes 11
servings>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haystacks
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
2 cups butterscotch chips
1
12-ounce can of cocktail peanuts
5 ounces chow mein
noodles
Melt chocolate and butterscotch chips in the top of a
double boiler over hot (not boiling) water. Stir in nuts and noodles. Drop by
teaspoonfuls onto waxed paper-lined cookie sheet. Cool. Store covered in the
refrigerator.
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
What is a P/E
ratio? Why is it important?
 These days everyone seems to own a piece of
the stock market, whether it's a 401(k) plan, an IRA mutual fund, or an online
brokerage account. Terms like "P/E ratio," once the exclusive province of
analysts and brokers, have become a part of regular water-cooler chatter.
P/E
ratio is Price/Earnings ratio, a stock's price divided by
its earnings per share. For example, if a stock is trading at $24 and the
Earnings per share for the most recent 12 month period is $3, then the P/E ratio
is 24/3=8. The stock is said to have a P/E of 8 (or a multiple of 8). Put
another way, you are paying $8 for every one dollar of earnings.
The
higher the P/E ratio, the higher the expectation that earnings will continue to
grow at a rapid pace. Traditionally, investors have looked at P/Es based on the
previous 12 months' profits, known as trailing earnings. Today, though,
investors commonly cite P/Es based on the consensus analysts' forecast of the
next 12 months' profits, or forward earnings. The rationale for this change is
that forward P/E is a better reflection of a stock's future value -- and that,
after all, is what you're buying when you invest in stocks. But take care: all
projections involve guesswork and analysts frequently err on the high side when
making such forecasts.
****A
PARTING THOUGHT ****
"A person without a sense of humor is
like a wagon without
springs--jolted by every pebble in the
road."
LAST CALL Y'ALL
NEVER ASSUME
The
Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should
be here soon
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come
to
"Oh, no need to explain I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut
in
"Really?" the photographer asked "Well, good! I've made a specialty
of
babies "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have
a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?" Leave
everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and
perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun
too....you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No
wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can
guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions
and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results." "My, that's a lot of ,"
gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of
work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith
said quietly. The
photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby
pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." "Oh my
God!!" Mrs. Smith
exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins
turned out
exceptionally well-when you consider their mother was so difficult
to
work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm
afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing
to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes,"
the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was
constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate.
Then
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels
began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs.
Smith leaned
forward "You mean they actually chewed on your equipment?"
"That's right.
Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to
work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big
for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?... Good Lord, she's
fainted
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
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PLEASE
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