It was the day after New Year and I lay in my bed with a herd of pink elephants standing on my head.

I remembered the party, the host of good cheer, I remembered the opening of a large keg of beer.

There was dancing and singing some snacks passed my way, but long before midnight the room started to sway.

I thought I heard bells, and a rousing good cheer of wishes that I'd have a Happy New Year!

After that things grew foggy, till I woke up in bed, with such a large headache that I wished I was dead.

Next year will be different, no party for me! Just a soft drink, some popcorn, and Dick Clark on TV!

Yes, I learned my lesson when I woke up today -- if you party too hardy you're

going to pay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were  
asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they  
had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable  
mentions are listed below.  


Second Runner-Up:  

In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot.  
In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for  
traction.  


First Runner-Up:  

In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of  
that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled  
roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them  
to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something  
like quarters, which we never had because our allowances  
were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and  
end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm  
so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really  
matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if  
you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real  
pebbles on them, not like today.  


And the winner:  

In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the  
creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.  


Honorable Mentions:  

In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants.  
Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts,  
along with potatoes.  


In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to  
do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some  
fingers amputated.  


In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-  
off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the  
doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped  
along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was  
a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a  
dollar.  


In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together  
our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.  


Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day,  
the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched  
on the back of a giant tortoise.  


Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray-  
haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-  
haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.  


Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to  
watch television by candlelight. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
"According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can  
improve your memory by watching less TV, doing crossword  
puzzles, eating more fish – I can't remember all that."  
 --Dave Letterman 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend's husband is a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and she often wondered how his job would affect their children's outlook on life. She had her answer when her son brought his health quiz home from school with all but one question answered correctly.

The question: Name the three main parts of the cell.

His answer: the bars, the keys and the mattress. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
"Scientists are saying that if global warming doesn't stop  
the oceans could rise as much as four and a half feet. One  
thing all scientists can agree on is that Gary Coleman is  
going to drown." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

The other day I went to a formal square dance. I could hardly believe it. Everyone was dressed like royalty. Instead of the do- si-do they did the tuck-si-do.
 

A woman is complaining to her friend about her marriage. Her friend says, "Yeah, I understand, I guess there isn't anymore magic in your life."
"Oh, no, there's still some magic! Every Saturday night he disappears!"

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

  NEW OPTIONS FOR CONTACT LENS WEARERS  

A new law means contact lens wearers can buy their lenses  
from retailers other than their eye doctors. The law, sign-  
ed by President Bush, will make contact lenses cheaper to  
buy and more convenient to replace, researchers say. The  
36 million U.S. contact lens wearers, who spend $3.5 bil-  
lion annually, stand to save as much as $350 million, they  
say. The "Fairness to Contact Lens Consumers Act" gives  
wider options for purchasing contact lenses. Eye doctors  
can prescribe and sell contact lenses, and some patients  
have complained they were unable to get copies of their  
prescriptions or had difficulty trying to purchase lenses  
from sources other than their doctor. The law creates  
national standards that should ease such concerns, doctors  
say. Under the law, once the fitting process is complete,  
the eye specialist must supply a copy of the prescription.  
In addition, eye doctors cannot require patients, as a  
condition of receiving their prescription, to pay a fee,  
purchase lenses or sign a waiver or release.   

IMAGING TEST REVEALS SECRETS OF DYSLEXIA  

An imaging study of multisensory processing in dyslexic  
readers reveals sights and sounds cross paths abnormally  
in their minds. "Dyslexic readers appear to process audi-  
tory and visual sensory cues differently than do normal  
readers, and these differences may be the cause of their  
difficulty in reading," said lead author Dr. Jonathan  
Burdette, assistant professor of neuroradiology and  
associate in bioengineering at Wake Forest University  
in Winston-Salem, N.C. Burdette told a meeting of the  
Radiological Society of North America up to 8 percent  
of American elementary school children may have dyslexia,  
characterized by difficulty with word recognition. The  
underlying neurological basis for the disorder remains  
unclear, but studies have shown people with dyslexia can-  
not distinguish the sounds in spoken words. The magnetic  
resonance imaging exams of 30 dyslexic readers and 30  
normal ones showed differences in their brain during  
reading activities. The results may lead to more effec-  
tive strategies to help people with dyslexia learn to  
read, researchers said.   

ULTRASOUND MAY HELP PREDICT RISK OF MISCARRIAGE  

Research shows Doppler ultrasound performed in early preg-  
nancy can identify embryonic congestive heart failure and  
subsequent risk of miscarriage. The investigators told a  
meeting of the Radiological Society of North America the  
chances the pregnancy will continue are about 95 percent  
when Doppler ultrasound confirms normal embryonic heart  
function at six weeks. However, study author Dr. Jason  
Birnholz, president of Diagnostic Ultrasound Consultants  
in Oak Brook, Ill., said more than 99 percent of pregnan-  
cies with an abnormal Doppler pattern end in a miscarriage.  
The test measures the speed of red blood cells moving  
through vessels to determine pressure dynamics within the  
embryo's heart, he explained. Miscarriage is the most com-  
mon complication of human gestation, occurring in some 20  
percent of pregnancies, the National Center for Health  
Statistics reports.  

**** Reader's Submissions ****

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Longtime ‘Opry’ star Del Reeves dies at age 73

By PETER COOPER
Staff Writer


Grand Ole Opry star Del Reeves, known for propulsive, edgy country hits such as “The Girl on the Billboard,” “Looking at the World Through A Windshield” and “A Dime at a Time,” died Jan. 1 in his Centerville home after lengthy battles with emphysema and other ailments. He was 73.

Mr. Reeves joined the Opry in 1966, known then as “The Doodle-Oo-Doo-Doo Kid” because of the country scat he sang over the guitar introduction to “Girl on the Billboard,” his 1965 No. 1 country single. His Opry appearances were notable not only for the songs he’d sing but also for his spot-on impressions of other country singers such as Johnny Cash.

“I first became aware of Del when he had a syndicated television show that I picked up in South and North Carolina as a kid,” said signer-songwriter Jim Lauderdale, who would later go on to duet with Mr. Reeves on a song called “Diesel, Diesel, Diesel.” “I was so impressed by his voice, but also impressed by the way he entertained. He was a real showman.”

Mr. Reeves was also an accomplished songwriter, penning songs recorded by Little Jimmy Dickens, Wanda Jackson and others. Mr. Reeves also was an early factor in bringing Billy Ray Cyrus to attention in Nashville.

Most of all, though, he’ll be remembered for music that fused Nashville craft with Bakersfield edge.

“You would expect a harder-edged human being — more of a tough, gruff person — after listening to his songs,” Lauderdale said. “But he was a gentle man.”

Funeral arrangements have not yet been announced.

Read more about Mr. Reeves in Wednesday’s Tennessean.




Jo Dee Messina heads to Italy to perform for troops

Tuesday, January 2, 2007 – Jo Dee Messina will kick off the New Year with her first USO/Armed Forces Entertainment Tour in Naples, Venice and Vicenza, Italy. While on the five-day tour starting Jan. 5, Messina will perform her hits and songs from her latest certified Gold album "Delicious Surprise." Messina performed at the USO's 65th Anniversary Gala last September. "It's an honor to be part of anything that supports our men and women in the military," she said. "I believe that it is so important to show our appreciation and support for all that they do to protect and serve our country. I'm looking forward to a good time and some great shows."

 

Country music suffered some major losses in 2006

Compiled by PETER COOPER
Staff writer

Robert Altman, 81.
Directed the controversial and heralded 1975 movie Nashville. Altman also co-wrote John Anderson’s 1983 hit “Black Sheep.” Died Nov. 20 in Los Angeles.
'Nashville' film director Altman dies
'Nashville' ruffled feathers in Music City

James Brown, 73
Known as a funk and soul icon, Mr. Brown grew up listening to country music on the radio, and he once performed at the Grand Ole Opry. He was also open to material from writers associated with country, as was the case with his cover of Bill Anderson’s “Still.”
James Brown's music got early boost in Nashville
Godfather of Soul dies at age 73

Janette Carter, 82
The daughter of original Carter Family members A.P. Carter and Sara Carter, Janette Carter worked to preserve the Family’s legacy through musical performances and through upkeep of the Carter Fold homestead. Died Jan. 22 in Kingsport, Tenn.

Johnny Duncan, 67
This Texas-based singer’s country hits included “Stranger,” “Thinkin’ of a Rendesvous” and “She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed (Anytime).” Died Aug. 14 in Dublin, Tex.

Freddy Fender, 69
Mr. Fender’s distinctive voice was heard on “Before The Next Teardrop Falls,” “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights” and other smashes. Died Oct. 14 in Corpus Christi, Tex.

Tillman Franks, 86
Mr. Franks wrote the Johnny Horton hits “Honky Tonk Man” (later recorded by Dwight Yoakam) and “Springtime In Alaska,” and his skills as a manager helped Horton to other successes. Mr. Franks also managed David Houston, played bass with the Bailes Brothers, booked Kitty Wells and Hank Williams and was an integral figure on the Louisiana Hayride. Died Oct. 26 in Shreveport, Lou.

Burkett “Uncle Josh” Graves, 81
A legendary Dobro player, Mr. Graves helped define the sound of Flatt & Scruggs’ Foggy Mountain Boys. Mr. Graves also played a key role in recordings by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Marty Stuart and others. Died Sept. 30 in Nashville.

Bobby L. Harden, 70
This songwriter and performer was a member of the Harden Trio. Mr. Harden wrote the Trio’s best-known hit, 1966’s “Tippy Toeing.” Died May 30 in Nashville.

Buddy Killen, 73
Mr. Killen was a songwriter, producer and publishing executive who helped Tree Music Publishing become country music’s largest publisher. Died Nov. 1 in Nashville.
Killen knew a song from every angle: Writer, musician, famed publisher dies of cancer at 73

Dennis Linde, 65
Mr. Linde had writing credits on Elvis Presley’s “Burning Love,” the Dixie Chicks’ “Goodbye Earl,” Joe Diffie’s “John Deere Green” and many other hits. He is a member of the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame. Died Dec. 22 in Nashville.
Award-winning tunesmith Linde 'could write it all

Bonnie Owens, 76
A deft harmony vocalist, Bonnie Owens was a key contributor to the careers of her husbands Merle Haggard and Buck Owens. Died April 24 in Bakersfield, Calif.

Buck Owens, 76
Mr. Owens was a compelling singer and songwriter whose edgy sound made him one of country’s foremost performers. He is a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame. Died March 25 in Bakersfield, Calif.

Gene Pitney, 65
Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Gene Pitney penned “Hello Mary Lou,” a hit for Ricky Nelson and for country vocal group The Statler Brothers. Died April 5 in Wales.

June Pointer, 52
As a member of the Pointer Sisters, Ms. Pointer won a country vocal performance Grammy in 1975 for the song “Fairytale.” Died April 11 in Los Angeles.

David Schnauffer, 53
A teacher and an instrumentalist, Mr. Schnauffer brought the dulcimer into modern recording contexts. He made his own albums and also contributed to works by Mark O’Connor, Linda Ronstadt and others. Died Aug. 23 in Nashville.

Louise Scruggs, 78
The wife of banjo legend Earl Scruggs, Mrs. Scruggs was a Nashville groundbreaker. She was the city’s first powerhouse female manager and booking agent, and she boosted bluegrass music’s exposure in concert halls and on television. Died Feb. 2 in Nashville.

“Jumpin’” Gene Simmons, 69
Rockabilly performer Simmons also co-wrote the Tim McGraw hit “Indian Outlaw.”

Beau Tucker, 79
Mr. Tucker managed his daughter, Tanya Tucker, to great heights. Died Nov. 23 in Nashville.
Country music manager Boe Tucker, Tanya's dad, dies

Phil Walden, 66
Mr. Walden co-founded Capricorn Records, helped country rock come to prominence in the 1970s and signed country acts including Kenny Chesney. Died April 23 in Atlanta, Ga.

Billy Walker, 77
A Grand Ole Opry member, Mr. Walker’s sonorous voice was heard on country hits including “Funny How Times Slips Away” and “Charlie’s Shoes.” Mr. Walker befriended a young Willie Nelson and helped bring Nelson to attention. Died May 21 near Montgomery, Ala.

Bettie Walker, 61
The wife of Billy Walker, Mrs. Walker was a constant presence at the Grand Ole Opry. She often booked shows for her husband and her work with the Golden Voice Awards helped ensure that the contributions of veteran artists were not forgotten. Died May 21 near Montgomery, Ala.

Cindy Walker, 87
Country Music Hall of Fame songwriter Cindy Walker wrote classics including “You Don’t Know Me” and “Dream Baby (How Long Must I Dream).” Died March 23 in Mexia, Tex, shortly after Willie Nelson released a tribute album that contained only Mrs. Walker’s songs.

Don Walser, 72
The yodeling, big-voiced “Pavarotti of the Plains” was a marvelous singer who became a popular force in Texas music in the 1990s. Died Sept. 20 in Austin, Tex.

Marijohn Wilkin, 86
This Nashville Songwriters Hall of Famer co-wrote classics including “Long Black Veil” and “One Day At A Time.” She also was the prime force in bringing a young Kris Kristofferson to Nashville and in bringing Kristofferson to the others’ attention. Died Oct. 28 in Nashville.

Brian Williams, 45
A banker, Mr. Williams is credited with fusing Nashville’s worlds of music and finance, worlds that are less disparate thanks to his influence. Died July 8 in Smithville, Tenn.

Charles K. Wolfe, 62
One of country music’s most influential and respected historians, Dr. Wolfe was an educator and an author. Died Feb. 9 in Murfreesboro.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

"Carrot Cake"

"I'd shovel my walk, except for one reason. Visitors might come." ~Maxine