|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers
If you don't have a
sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at
all
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
THURSDAY JANUARY 4,2007
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY: Being in politics is like being a football
coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to
think it's important.
At an
officer's training course, we were each required to give a lecture on a topic of
our choosing. One classmate, an ambulance attendant in civilian life, gave his
talk on safety. At the front of the room, he strode back and forth, telling us
how most accidents are caused by carelessness and inattention. He even
demonstrated his point... when he fell off the
platform.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new computer system
that had just been installed in our office was processing information very
slowly at peak periods. Consequently, we were asked not to print reports at busy
times. One woman ignored this and started printing her job, a long report, which
tied up the whole system. The computer center sent her several requests to stop
printing, which she ignored. Finally they took matters into their own hands and
sent her a message on her screen: "Job
terminated."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a trip to
Philadelphia during "the season of potholes," my friend had just asked me to
take the wheel. I hadn't driven very far when, with my hand resting on the
center of the steering wheel, I accidentally blew the horn. At that moment I
also hit a large pothole. "That won't work," my friend quipped. "They won't
move."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many of the people in our
neighborhood have lived here for 20 or more years, and so we're now seeing
several teenagers of these families in the process of obtaining their driver's
licences. The kids are growing up but aren't quite there yet.
This was
apparent when we overheard our neighbor call to her 18- year-old as she was
pulling out of their driveway in the family van: "Watch out for the icy roads,
don't go over the speed limit - - and don't forget to bring your mittens home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One sultry summer evening in
Key West, Florida, Suzanne took her three-year-old daughter Veronica to the end
of their hotel dock to watch the sun set in the west and the moon rise in the
east. Radiant wispy clouds outlined the horizon as the sun sank lower and lower
while the pale moon continued rising. Veronica was spinning back and forth to
see the moon and sun. As the pink sun finally dipped out of sight, she said to
her mother, "Do it again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a student's first chemistry course,
some time is spent studying the periodic table of elements. Many examples are
used to explain the use of the word periodic. An examination of successively
larger elements shows that there is repetition of their physical properties at
regular intervals. A frequently asked question on the test at the end of this
unit is: "Explain why the table of elements is said to be periodic. Illustrate
your answer with several examples." ?One student had at least caught on to the
idea of repetition. He answered: "Periodic means repetition. We use the table
several times a week. Examples: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This
California company that was charged to build this stupid fence along the border
of Mexico has been charged with hiring illegal immigrants. ... Prosecutors say
this is the worst case of irony they have ever seen." -Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young lad and his
mother were walking down the street one day
when suddenly the boy yelled out
excitedly,
"Mother, Mother, Look at that bowlegged man!"
His
mother immediately hushed him explaining it was not polite to
make fun of
bowlegged people.
The next day the same thing happened,
"Look
mother, there's that bowlegged man!"
The mother grabbed the lad by the
arm saying,
"When we get home you'll be punished for this outburst."
When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare,
"Go
to you room and read this book. You can't come out until you
have finished
it. Maybe you will learn something from this
punishment."
Two days
later they are walking down the same street when the boy
again spots the
person he had been making fun of:
"Hark! What manner of men are these,
Who weareth their legs in parentheses?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because an increasing number of
people are having heart
attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos
are
now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are
computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock
needed to revive
a heart attack victim. That is, if you're
at a big, high-class casino.
At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across
the
carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called UPS about an insurance claim I had
filed on a package.
I knew the automated voice response system wouldn't
be
able to handle this issue so I immediately said,
"customer service."
It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and
then insisted
that I first pick from its menu, none of
which items bore any resemblance to
insurance claims.
I tried "track a package." It recited the status,
followed by "Can I help you with anything else?"
I said, more
insistently, "customer service," at which
it complained that that was the
most recent shipping
information.
Exasperated--but a bit curious--I
said, "Damn you,"
and after the little computing noise, it swiftly
transferred me to customer service.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WORLD RESTAURANT...
Waitress:
Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.
Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania
long, either. Venice
lunch ready?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What
are you Ghana Havre?
Aix?
Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can
Jamaica cook
step on the Gaza bit?
Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but
listen for her Wales.
Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my
Java.
Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself.
I'm
only here to Serbia.
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt
me. There's an
Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I
am!
Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure
Ararat!
Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you
think
this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!
Waitress:
Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in
the neck. Pay your Czech
and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!
Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my
France and Taiwan
on Zanzibar is
open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The year is 1992, and deep in a
secret laboratory a genius has invented
time travel. After many months of
calculations he pinpoints the exact
moment and position that life began on
earth, and decides to go back in
time to record the historic moment
scientifically.
He spends weeks sterilizing all his equipment to make
sure there is no
contamination and finally loads the machine up, takes it to
the required
position, sets the chronograph for one hour prior to the
historic event
and presses the start button.
Upon arrival he finds the
correct rock pool and sets his equipment in
place. After 45 minutes he is
ready to record everything. He waits
patiently, his excitement growing but as
the time approaches the five
minute mark he realizes that nothing is
happening. The pool is still,
there are no chemical reactions. There is no
storm overhead, no
lightning, nothing that could act as a catalyst.
He
sits down and opens a container of drink and thinks. Are his
calculations
wrong? Is he in the wrong spot? The clock is ticking away
and rapidly
approaching the allotted time. There are 30 seconds to go
when a nearby
volcanic vent hisses and startles him and he jumps to his
feet, knocking his
drink over.
Slowly the terrible realization comes over him that the drink
has
contaminated the pool. Horrified he grabs the container and rights
it,
but then his attention is drawn to the fact that the time has passed
and
his equipment is chattering away recording changes in the
pools
chemistry, that the first amino-acids are being formed, and that
the
event is taking place as it should do.
Amazed he looks at the
container and reads the advertising slogan on the
side
"Coke adds
life"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About a century or so ago, the Pope decided
that all the Jews had to
leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from
the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious
debate with a member
of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could
stay. If the
Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that
they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged
man named Moishe to
represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the
debate. To make it more
interesting, neither side would be allowed to
talk. The Pope
agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat
opposite each
other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and
showed three
fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The
Pope waved
his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the
ground
where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Moishe
pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man
is
too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all
around the Pope asking him what
had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up
three fingers to represent
the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger
to remind me that
there was still one God common to both our religions. Then
I waved my
finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by
pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here
with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from
our
sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had
an
answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish
community had crowded around Moishe. "What
happened?" they asked. "Well,"
said Moishe, "First he said to me that
the Jews had three days to get out of
here. I told him that not one of
us was leaving. Then he told me that this
whole city would be cleared of
Jews. I let him know that we were staying
right here."
"Yes, yes,.. and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't
know," said Moishe, "He took out his lunch, and I took
out
mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Good Things About The Flu
Sent in by Patricia
10. No one wants to come near you.
9. You
can legally take sedatives.
8. You realize guests on daytime talk
shows
have worse lives than you do.
7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and
surly.
6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.
5.
You can shlep about the house unwashed
and in your housecoat all day.
4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than
how you felt after
last month's tequila 'n' gin party.
3. Star Trek re-runs.
2. Your dog is
allowed on the bed.
1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really
dislike.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were
watching some TV show the other night
where the wife hired a private
detective to follow her
husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on
her.
I asked my wife if she would ever do that.
She said, "Well not so
much to find out who the other woman
was, but to see if I could find out what
she saw in ya."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NINETEEN
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
1. Never, under any
circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the
entire universe with all of its
glories,
decides to deliver a message to
humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His
messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No
matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.
8.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who
perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
Very often, that
individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't d ance well. Just get up
and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before
you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should
never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at
that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
eleven.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age,
gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
deep down
inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but
rude to the waiter, is not a n ice
person.
(This is very important. Pay
attention. It never fails.)
19. Your friends love you
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Christine~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a poor
shepherd named Yorgi. The only food he had to
sustain himself on was the milk
he got from the sheep, and it tasted so
bad that he could barely drink it. As
a result, Yorgi became thin and
sickly.
One day, he met his friend
Vladimir. Vladimir was a poor shepherd like
himself, but he was hearty and
healthy. Vladimir told him that he had to
live on sheep's milk too, but he
let him on a secret: a witch in a
nearby village taught him a magic spell
that makes sheep's milk taste as
sweet as the richest cream.
Yorgi
begged Vladimir to teach him the spell, which his friend did
willingly. Sure
enough, Yorgi's sheep produced the most delicious milk
he ever tasted. Yorgi
loved it so much, that he drank it by the liter.
He milked his sheep so
much that they cried out in pain. Yorgi realized
that he couldn't make his
sheep suffer like that, so he reversed the
spell and resigned himself to
drinking normal sheep's milk.
Now, there's no ewes crying over spelled
milk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stevie Wonder and Tiger
Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Wonder and
says: "How is the singing
career going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has
gone into the top
10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how
is the
golf."
Tiger replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as
I used to but I
am still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my
swing but I
think I have got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I
always find that when my swing goes wrong I need
to stop playing for a while
and think about it, then the next time I
play it seems to be all
right."
Tiger Woods says: "You play golf!"
Stevie Wonder says:
"Yes, I have been playing for years."
And Tiger says: "But I thought you
were blind, how can you play golf if
you are blind?" He replies: " I get my
caddie to stand in the middle of
the fairway and he calls to me, I listen for
the sound of his voice and
play the ball towards him, then when I get to
where the ball lands the
caddie moves to the green or further down the
fairway and again I play
the ball towards his voice."
"But how do you
putt?" says Tiger.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in
front of the hole
and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play
the ball to
the sound of his voice."
Tiger says, "What is your
handicap?"
Stevie says: "Well, I play off scratch."
Tiger is
incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a
game
sometime.."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously
so I only play for
money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a
hole."
Tiger thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that - when would
you
like to play?"
"I don't care any night next week is OK with
me."
****
Quickies ****
A Christmas sign
outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
Every morning is
the dawn of a new error.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Impact of Soda in Childhood Seen in
Adolescence
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Young
children who load up on
sugary soft drinks risk developing signs
of heart disease
and diabetes in adolescence, according to a
long-term study
in which doctors followed a group of girls from
5 to 13
years of age.
"Parents should be
aware that diet and lifestyle choices
during early childhood
have an impact on later disease
risk," study chief Alison K.
Ventura told Reuters Health.
"In this study we are seeing the
effects of these choices
during early adolescence."
"Additionally, parents should be aware of early risk
factors (e.g., accelerated weight and fat mass gain) that
appear to predict disease risk later on," added Ventura,
who
is a doctoral candidate at Penn State's Center for
Childhood
Obesity Research.
Ventura and two colleagues have identified
"risk profiles"
for metabolic syndrome in adolescence, based on
their study
of 154 white non-Hispanic girls.
Metabolic syndrome is a term used to describe a cluster
of traits linked to the development of heart disease and
diabetes in adults, such as high blood sugar, overweight
and
obesity, high blood pressure (hypertension), and high
triglycerides combined with low "good" HDL cholesterol.
Ventura explained that, based on these indicators for
metabolic syndrome, girls can be classified into 1 of 4
groups: (1) a lower risk group, showing healthy values on
all indicators; (2) a "dyslipidemia risk" group, showing
high triglycerides and low HDL, but normal weight status;
(3) a hypertension risk group, showing high blood pressure
and waist circumference values; and (4) a higher metabolic
syndrome risk group, showing values close to or meeting
the
metabolic syndrome criteria for adolescents.
When Ventura's
team looked at information on these girls'
during childhood,
from ages 5 to 13, they found several
factors that predicted
which one of the four groups they
would fall into at age
13.
"Girls in the highest risk group had more family history
of
obesity, hypertension and diabetes, higher weight status
and
fat mass across childhood, greater and faster change
in
weight status and fat mass across childhood, and
increased
intakes of sugar-sweetened beverages from ages 5 to
9,
compared to the other three groups," Ventura
reported.
At ages 5, 7, and 9 years, the higher risk group
consumed
27 percent, 45 percent, and 50 percent more daily
servings
of sugary drinks, respectively, than the lower risk
group.
Combined with weight gain data, the pattern "suggests
the
possibility that consistently high intake of
sweetened
beverages early in life may constitute a risk factor
for
excessive weight gain and increased metabolic
syndrome
risk," the investigators conclude.
SOURCE: Pediatrics, December 2006.
Copyright © 2006
Reuters Limited.
Diabetic Recipe
Peach-Banana
Smoothie
makes 2
servings
1/2 cup (56 g) peeled, chopped fresh
peaches
1 ripe banana, peeled and cut into chunks
1/2 cup (120 ml) unsweetened pineapple juice
1/4 cup (35 g)
fat-free, no sugar added vanilla ice cream
1. In a food
processor or blender, combine all ingredients.
Blend until smooth.
2. Pour into 2 tall glasses and
serve.
Per Serving: 128 calories (2% calories from
fat),
2 g
protein, trace total fat (0.1 g saturated
fat), 32 g carbohydrate, 2 g dietary fiber,
0
cholesterol, 18 mg sodium
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 carbohydrate
(2 fruit)
Cancer caught early
with colonoscopies
NEW HAVEN, Conn., -- Medicare's
extension of coverage for
colonoscopies led to a significant
increase in the number
of cancers caught early, a U.S. study
finds. Researchers
at the Robert Wood Johnson Clinical Scholars
Program and
Yale Medical School report the decision to extend
coverage
beyond high-risk groups lead to an increase in the
number
of procedures performed annually per 100,000
population,
from 285 in 1992 to 1,919 from 2001, onward. In a
study
published in the Dec. 20 edition of the Journal of
the
American Medical Association, the researchers report
the
increased screenings led to a significant increase in
the
number of early-stage cancers found on the right side
of
the colon, but no comparable increase in the number
of
cancers found on the left side or in more distal
parts,
the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. The study
com-
pared patients in HMOs to those with Medicare
fee-for-
service coverage. Similar results did not materialize
in
the HMO population, leading researchers to believe
the
difference was Medicare's decision to cover the
procedure.
Gene therapy
may help muscular dystrophy
STANFORD, Calif., - A
gene therapy that has shown promise
in skin disease and
hemophilia might one day be useful for
treating muscular
dystrophy, says a U.S. study. Research-
ers at Stanford
University School of Medicine used gene
therapy to introduce a
healthy copy of the gene dystrophin
into mice with a condition
that mimics muscular dystrophy.
The dystrophin gene is mutated
and as a result produces a
defective protein in the roughly
20,000 people in the
United States with the most common form of
the disease.
Researchers have tried several different gene
therapy
techniques with variable success, according to Dr.
Thomas
Rando. The new gene therapy technique Rando and
postdoc-
toral fellow Carmen Bertoni used was developed by
Michele
Calos, associate professor of genetics. One of the
main
advantages of this method is that it could
potentially
provide a long-term fix for a variety of genetic
diseases,
including muscular dystrophy, says
Rando.
Study Shows How
Alcohol Damages the Bones
NEW YORK -
Bone loss is an often-overlooked consequence of
heavy drinking,
but recent research has illuminated how
alcohol takes a toll on
the bones, according to a new
report.
In a
review of cell, animal and human studies, Dr. Dennis A.
Chakkalakal of the Omaha VA Medical Center in Nebraska
describes how heavy drinking leads to bone loss, higher risk
of fractures and slower healing of bone breaks.
The main
problem appears to be that alcohol inhibits the
normal formation
of new bone, Chakkalakal reports in the
journal Alcoholism:
Clinical & Experimental Research.
Though excessive
drinking has been shown to promote bone
thinning and fractures,
some studies have suggested that
moderate drinking may actually
help protect bone mass -
possibly because small amounts of
alcohol promote new bone
formation.
The
opposite appears true of high amounts of alcohol,
according to
Chakkalakal's review.
Throughout adulthood, bone undergoes a
process of "remodel-
ing," whereby cells called osteoclasts
break down small
portions of old bone, and cells called
osteoblasts form
new bone. In healthy, younger adults, this
process is
usually balanced, so that bone mass is
maintained.
Too much alcohol, however, appears to inhibit
osteoblasts
from doing their job, and heavy drinkers may start
to lose
bone mass in just a few years, according to
Chakkalakal.
The potential for bone loss climbs in tandem with
drinking,
evidence shows, but it's not clear where the risk
threshold
lies.
Most studies on alcohol and
bone loss have defined "heavy"
drinking as roughly six or more
drinks per day. But, the
review points out, there's some
evidence that bone loss is
a risk for people who have closer to
three or more drinks
a day.
Though many
people know about the damage heavy drinking can
inflict on the
liver, far fewer know about the effects on
bone, according to
Dr. Terrence M. Donohue Jr., also of the
Omaha VA Medical
Center.
In a statement, he recommended that anyone with a
bone
fracture avoid alcohol during the healing
process.
"The review," he said, "underscores the importance
of
abstinence from alcohol consumption by patients -
alcoholics or teetotalers - with fractures and who may
want
to drink during their convalescence."
**** Reader's Submissions ****
Brown Bag Christmas
When I asked our newlywed Sunday School class to
share a favorite Christmas story, Carrie Fuller said, "Our family has one we
call the 'brown bag Christmas.'" When she finished, I had to hear more. Two days
later, I called a member of her family for more details. It was the early 1930s
during the Dust Bowl days of Kansas, in the heart of the Depression. The Canaday
family---Mom, Dad, 7 children---were having a tough time existing, so there
would be no luxuries at Christmas that year. Mom told the children to go outside
and find a Christmas tree and decorate it. After a lengthy search, they returned
with a dead branch, the only thing they had been able to find. They stood it up
in a bucket of sand and decorated it with pieces of paper tied with string.
Little Judy, almost four, did not know how a Christmas tree was supposed to
look, but somehow she knew it was not like that!
As Christmas approached, the Canaday children,
like children everywhere, pestered Mom and Dad about what presents they might
get under their "tree." Dad pointed out that the pantry was bare, that they did
not have enough to live on, and there certainly would be no money for gifts. But
Mom was a woman of faith and told her children, "Say your prayers Ask God to
send us what He wants us to have." Dad said, "Now, Mother, don't be getting the
children's hopes up. You're just setting them up for a disappointment." Mom
said, "Pray, children. Tell Jesus." And pray they did.
On Christmas Eve, the children watched out the
window for visitors, but no one came. "Blow out the lamp and go to bed", Dad
said. "Nobody is going to come. No one even knows we're out here."
The children turned out the lamp and got in bed,
but they were too excited to sleep. Was this not Christmas? Had they not asked
God to send them the presents He wanted them to have? Did Mom not say God
answers prayer?
Late that night, when one of the children spotted
headlights coming down the dirt road, everyone jumped out of bed and ran to the
window. The commotion woke up Mom and Dad. "Don't get excited, children," Dad
said. "They're probably not coming here. It's just someone who got lost." The
children kept hoping and the car kept coming. Then, Dad lit a lamp. They all
wanted to rush to the door at the same time, but Mr. Canaday said, "Stay back.
I'll go." Someone got out of the car and called, "I was wondering if someone
here can help me unload these bags." The children dashed out the door to lend a
hand. Mom said to her youngest, "Stay here, Judy, and help Mom open the bags and
put up the gifts."
A deacon from the church in town had gone to bed
that Christmas Eve, and lay there tossing and turning, unable to get the Canaday
family off his mind. Later, he said, "I didn't know what kind of shape you folks
were in, but I knew you had all those kids." He had gotten up and dressed and
went around town, rousing people from their sleep to ask for a contribution for
the Canaday family. He filled his car with bags of groceries, canned goods,
toys, and clothing. Little Judy got a rag doll which remained her favorite for
years.
With so much food, Dad wanted to have a Christmas
feast, to spread it all out and eat as they had never eaten before. Mom, ever
the caretaker, said, "No, we need to make this last." And it did last, for
weeks.
The next Sunday, Mrs. Canaday stood in church and
told what the members---and one deacon in particular---had done for her
family. There was not a dry eye in the house.
Years later, the oldest sister Eva wrote up this
story about her family for a school project. Eva said, "We were so thrilled by
all the wonderful things in the bags, for a while ;we lost sight of the most
special gift. The best gift that Christmas was not in brown bags at all. It was
Mom's faith, as she taught her children to bring their needs to Jesus and trust
Him to meet them. And a Dad's love that wanted only to protect his children from
hurt and disappointment."
When Carrie finished telling her story, she
added, "Little Judy is my wonderful grandmother." Today, Judy Canaday
Dryden lives in Sanger, Texas. As she relived this event from seventy years ago
over the phone, one could hear the tear in her voice and feel her pride in being
the recipient of such a precious heritage from her mother and father.
At Christmas, we celebrate praying
mothers and caring fathers and believing children. We give thanks for sensitive
deacons and generous friends and sleepless nights. And we praise God for the
hard times that teach unforgettable lessons, stories of faithfulness that get
told and retold through the years inspiring each new generation to place their
faith in a loving Savior.
**** ON THIS DAY
****
****
HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These
Are My Causes Please Help
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
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Franchitti stays with Andretti
|
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IRL driver will be on team with Danica Patrick, Tony
Kanaan. |
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Taylor, NASCAR driver wed |
|
Model ties the knot with Burney Lamar in San Diego
ceremony. |
|
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|
|
Toyota set to take root |
|
Team officials inquire about land in N.C. for
engineering facility. |
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**** COUNTRY CALENDAR
****
-4-
WBAP Fort Worth, Texas debuted their Barn Dance show 1923.
Lorene Mann born Huntland, TN 1937.
Jay Dee Maness, steel guitarist, born Loma Linda, CA
1945.
Hank Williams funeral held Montgomery, AL 1953.
More than 25,000 people were in attendance at Montgomery's Oakwood Cemetery, to
say goodbye to the 29-year-old superstar.
Kathy Forester "Forster Sisters" born Oglethorpe, GA 1955.
Tennessee Ernie Ford aired his first daytime TV variety show
1955.
Patty Loveless, born "Patricia Lee Ramey," Pikeville, KY
1957.
Deanna Carter, "Did I Shave My Legs For This," born Nashville,
TN 1966.
Dolly Parton joined the Grand Ole Opry 1969.
George Jones rejoined the Grand Ole Opry 1969.
Johnny Cash's "Super Hits" album released 1972.
Annie Lou Dill, former member of the Grand Ole Opry, died in
1982.
The Kendalls' single "Thank God For The Radio" charted 1984.
Buck Owens released "A-11/Sweethearts In Heaven" 1989.
Merle Haggard won the "Award of Merit" from the American Music
Awards 1991.
Eddy Shaver guitarist, buried in Waco, TX 2001. Eddy was
the much-loved son of Billy Joe Shaver.
Tim Buckley, age 47, musician/songwriter, died Dallas, TX
2002.
Remembering the 50th anniversary of his death, Hank
Williams was honored by the Grand Ole Opry with a special tribute that featured
Hank Jr. and Hank Williams III 2003.
Jake Hess, age 76, died in the hospital in Opelika, AL 2004. Jake has
been inducted into the Southern Gospel Music Hall of Fame, and the Alabama Music
Hall of Fame
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
"Live Fast, Love Hard: The Faron Young
Story"
Happy New Year! The University of Illinois Press
will publish "Live Fast,
Love Hard: The Faron Young Story" on its Fall 2007
list. That means I'll
achieve my goal of getting Faron's biography published
during the year in
which we commemorate the 75th anniversary of his
birth.
FARON YOUNG, FORTY-SIX YEARS AGO: On January 7, 1961, Faron
recorded four
songs, two written by Justin Tubb and two by Willie Nelson. The
single
released from that session contained Willie's songs, "Hello Walls"
and
"Congratulations." Although Ken Nelson produced most of Faron's
Capitol
sessions, Marvin Hughes handled this one. Ken told me he regrets
Marvin
didn't receive proper credit for it. Faron described the recording
session
by saying, "I remember the musicians in the studio sayin', Hello
microphone,
hello chair, hello studio, just makin' fun of the song. I said
that's the
reason that's song's gonna be a hit, because it sticks in your
mind." He
added, "And for once in my big mouth life I was right." Released on
February
27, "Hello Walls" debuted on the Billboard country chart three weeks
later
and reached the top on May 8, 1961. It stayed number one for nine
weeks, and
also charted number one with The Cash
Box.
LETTERS:
Michael Kaye writes from Somerset, New Jersey, "I was
looking at your
information about Faron Young and found it very interesting.
I see you are
coming out with his biography next year. I think that's great
and hope
to get a copy. I always felt that his talent was underrated. A lot
of people
I talk to have never heard of him, and that's a shame. Here in NJ I
sing
country music nights at local bars and I always do a couple Faron songs.
In
fact, my first album NASHVILLE MEMORIES came out this summer, and it
starts
and ends with his big hits. I do a Marty Robbins tune on it
also."
Jack Michael says, "Please add my name onto the list. I think Mr.
Young
was one of the great country singers ever. Thanks. Take care from an
old
worn steel player."
Stephanie Deutsch, a member of my Washington
D.C. biography group, writes,
"My husband and I had Christmas dinner with
just our two sons, ages 29 and
26. After a good meal we started playing
favorite records (not CDs...) and
quickly their choice turned to Marty
Robbins, a favorite from their
childhood. We played the whole album (can't
remember the name of it but
it's red and he's pulling a gun from a holster I
think). We all sang along
to most of the songs and particularly my older son,
Noah, waxed eloquent
about how wonderful Robbins; voice is, how spiritual
some of the songs are.
It was quite lovely! You can be sure that when your
book comes out, I'll be
buying at least two copies. Happy new
year."
Diane Diekman
Washington DC,
USA
altruria@verizon.net
Faron Young info:
http://ddiekman.tripod.com/id8.html
Newsletter archive:
http://ddiekman.tripod.com/id70.html
and
http://ddiekman.tripod.com/blog
American Idol Finalist Bucky Covington Signs
To Lyric Street Records
“American Idol” finalist Bucky
Covington has signed a record deal with Lyric Street Records in Nashville. His
debut single, “A Different World,” will impact country radio on January 16.
Covington grew up on Country music and got his first taste of the stage when, at
the age of 19, he got his first guitar and joined the country/southern rock
cover band Southern Thunder. It wasn’t until 2006 that he came to the attention
of the American public during his competition on the fifth season of the hit FOX
reality show “American Idol,” where he performed for millions of viewers each
week.
Following his time on “American Idol,” Covington toured with his
fellow contestants over the summer on a 39 city tour before joining GAC’s
Country Music Christmas tour lineup. Covington moved from his hometown of
Rockingham, NC to Nashville the day after wrapping the GAC tour and has since
been recording his debut record.
“It’s so amazing, what ‘American Idol’
can do for a singer,” said Bucky. “People don’t realize that when they pick up
the phone to vote they’re helping to make someone’s dream come true. So when
[Sawyer Brown’s] Mark Miller called me the day after I got voted off ‘American
Idol’ to tell me that I sounded great on the show, I couldn’t believe it! Now
I’m living in Nashville, signed to Lyric Street Records, and getting ready to
release my first single and debut album. Man, it’s unbelievable!”
Covington’s debut project is produced by Sawyer Brown’s Mark Miller. His
first single, “A Different World,” will go for adds at country radio on January
16th with his debut album scheduled for release on April 17, 2007.
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
LIGHTER CHICKEN
ENCHILADAS
1 pound boneless skinless
chicken breast, poached
2 14 oz. cans cream of mushroom
soup
1 onion, chopped
1 green chili,
diced
1 12 oz. can evaporated skim milk
8 ounces
lowfat cheddar cheese
1 package corn tortilla
1
cup lowfat monterey jack cheese
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Shred poached chicken and set
aside. Heat rest of ingredients (except cheese and tortillas)
in saucepan and set aside. Spray 9 13 pan with cooking spray.
Heat corn tortilla. Place chicken and sauce down middle. Roll
and place in pan. Pour remaining sauce over top of enchiladas
and top with cheese. Bake until bubbling and lightly brown.
Yield: 8 servings
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
How does
carbon dating work?
 Radiocarbon dating, also known
as Carbon-14 (or C-14) dating, is a type of
absolute dating technique used to determine the age of organic material.
Introduced in 1947 by Willard F. Libby, C-14 dating was a real breakthrough for
scientists.
Basically, all living things are mostly made of carbon. A
small portion of this carbon is in the form of Carbon-14, an unstable
radioactive isotope. Once an organism dies, the C-14 in the organism begins to
disintegrate. Because it disintegrates at a steady, known rate, scientists can
measure the amount of C-14 remaining and use a scientific formula to determine
the age of the sample.
While C-14 dating has its limitations, it remains
a significant scientific discovery and has been used to date some of the most
important archaeological finds, including the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Iceman, and
the controversial Shroud of
Turin.
According to British prehistorian
Desmond Clark, without Carbon- 14 dating "we would still be foundering in a sea
of imprecisions sometime bred of inspired guesswork but more often of
imaginative speculation." Sounds pretty frightening, doesn't it?
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it
keeps getting harder to find one.
LAST CALL Y'ALL
A Texan and his wife
were on a trip to New York. She had
just
finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that
she
had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to
go
down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple
of
36-C bras.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht
now." So he put on his ten gallon
hat and went to the
shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you, sir?"
When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked,
"Would you like two Playtex?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta
little lady, but mah wife's a'waitin
fur me up in the
room."
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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