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Subject: The Daily Funnies - January09, 2007



From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to T
he Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

TUESDAY JANUARY 9,2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIBBY
LOVE DAD


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
"Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death." - Betty Bender

A fifth-grade class had been studying a unit on astronomy. A girl who was in the class announced to her mother at breakfast one morning, "On Friday our class is having a quiz on the moon." Hearing that, her little brother piped up, "Are you going to let her go, Mom?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old family physician being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son...a recent medical student. When the old man returned, the youngster told him among other things, that he cured Miss Pumplechuck, an aged and wealthy spinster, of her chronic indigestion.

"My boy," said the old doctor, "I’m proud of you, but Miss Pumplechuck’s indigestion is what put you through college."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 10 foot tall emu was spotted walking the streets of New York in 1973, it had accidently escaped from a circus that specialized in large exotic birds. When police questioned the circus owners they responded saying "George was constipated, so we thought a run around the grounds may help him feel better". Police fined the circus 25 dollars, and 5 months later a bi-law was passed stating that all emus within New York City must be on a leash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me can't remember a single one of them. So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all." This started a real controversy in the: "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall what the menu was for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: they all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be dead today."

No comments were made on the sermon contents anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One hot day, a young seminarian was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eyeing speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! He mused. Just fancy letting tiny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!

Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on the seminarian's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:

Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the computer room of one large corporation, a glass case is mounted on the wall next to the company' enormous fancy new computer. Inside the case is an abacus, and ancient form of calculator. On the case is a sign that reads: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK GLASS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctors at University Hospital in Amsterdam, Holland, are piping disco music into incubators to improve the breathing rhythm of premature babies. The doctors say they started the technique with Perry Como records, but found infant breathing was too slow and unable to keep a beat, so they switched to disco.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The combination "ough" can be pronounced in ten different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough- faced, thoughtful ploughman swam through the lough at Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once, the people of a small town invited a traveling minister to deliver a speech. When he got on the pulpit, he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked: "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced: "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES", So the minister said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the minister to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So the minister said: "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young lady, having committed some small offense, was made to eat dinner alone, at a little table in the corner of the kitchen.

The rest of the family was paying her no attention until she began to pray in a loud voice, "I thank you, Lord, for preparing this table before me in the presence of mine enemies..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a
familiar face at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy
at the bar has been drinking heavily like that since I
left him seven years ago."
Her husband said,
"That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of
them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to
describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other
made delicious pancakes.. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the
problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore
the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads,
and have a pint of Guinness.
After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood -
big,stately residences, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
all ...NO PUBLIC TOILETS!
He really, really had to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finally finds
a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent
Buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who
says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really,
really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."
"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie . "Just follow me". He leads him to a
back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens."In
there,"points the Bobbie. "Whiz away, sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has
ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured
hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since
he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobby, "That was really
decent of you ... is that what you call "British hospitality?"
"No sir," the Bobby replied. "It's what we call 'The French Embassy'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy was in New York and he was patiently waiting and watching the traffic
cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of motor traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians!"
Then he'd allow the pedestrians to cross the street.  He'd done this several
times, and Paddy still stood there on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted 'pedestrians' for the tenth time, Paddy went out
to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let some Catholics across?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you
never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish?
Here are some solutions that you can use as a starting point:

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's
largest ball of twine.
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home--eat out more.
~ Don't have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut! ~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.
~ Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the
windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for
a  belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Don't eat cloned meat.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about your own faults.
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What is that?" my children exclaimed when they went into the garage.
My
husband had bought a piece of foam core board used to insulate
the house
with by nailing to the studs before you put on the siding. I said,
"It's
sheathing." "What??" came the reply from my son, Sam. "It's
SHEEE-THING," I enunciated. Sam looked at his brother and said rather
dismayed, "Oh, it's for girls."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Over the weekend Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had a little  
motor cycle accident. Luckily he is fine but wound up with  
15 stitches in his lip. You thought he was hard to understand  
before." --Jay Leno   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on. When the first day came, Billy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school. The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school. "What?" he asked. "Again?"
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American  
dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized  
t-shirt and sunglasses.  

The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing  
all the way out here dressed like that!?"  

"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.  

"But the ocean is five hundred miles away," the Arab informed  
him.  

"five hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle  
of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
  

 

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

  Girls-only dads' prostate cancer risk high  

NEW YORK, -- Men with only daughters have a higher risk of  
prostate cancer than men with at least one son, suggesting  
a chromosome defect, a U.S.-Israeli study said. Some stud-  
ies previously suggested that prostate cancer risk could  
be linked with alterations on the X or Y chromosomes,  
Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health re-  
searchers said. Because alterations on the sex chromosomes  
could affect the probability of having sons or daughters,  
Susan Harlap of Columbia University, said she studied  
cancer incidences and offspring of nearly 39,000 men par-  
ticipating in the Jerusalem Perinatal Study. During the  
study period, 712 men were diagnosed with prostate cancer.  
Men with only daughters had a 40 percent increased risk  
of prostate cancer when compared with men who had at  
least one son, researchers found. Men with no daughters  
showed neither an increase nor decrease in prostate can-  
cer risk compared with men having children of both sexes.  
"Overall, our findings are consistent with hypotheses  
that tie Y chromosome loci to prostate cancer, although  
other explanations cannot be excluded," Harlap said, add-  
ing that more study was needed. The results were publish-  
ed in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute  
January issue.   

Cancer is fate, a fourth respond in survey  

LONDON, -- More than a fourth of adults surveyed said de-  
veloping cancer is a matter of fate, a Cancer Research UK  
poll reported Wednesday. More women than men interviewed  
said they thought fate played a role in getting cancer,  
the organization said in a news release. People over age  
65 also were more likely to attribute the disease to  
destiny. The survey asked the 4,000 participants whether  
they thought they could do anything to reduce their cancer  
risk or whether getting cancer was fate. More than 27 per-  
cent respondents overall said cancer was a matter of fate.  
The number rose to 43 percent among respondents from poor-  
er areas. The number fell to 14 percent for those from  
wealthy areas. "It is alarming that such a large percen-  
tage of the British population do not realize that half  
of all cases of cancer can be prevented by lifestyle  
changes," said Lesley Walker, director of cancer informa-  
tion at Cancer Research UK. "We can all reduce our risk  
of cancer."   

Folic acid may slow hearing loss  

WAGENINGEN, (UPI) -- Folic acid, a member of the B vitamin  
family, may impede age-related hearing loss, a Dutch study  
finds. Folic acid, already required to be added to flour  
in the United States, is also known as folate. Folic acid  
deficiency can cause birth defects and seems to contribute  
to heart disease and stroke, WebMD.com said. The study in  
volved 728 Dutch men and women age 50 to 70. Half the  
study participants got strong folic acid supplements while  
the other participants received a placebo. After three  
years, those who received folic acid pills had less low-  
frequency hearing loss than did placebo recipients. The  
difference was slight: 0.7 decibels. The smallest change  
in sound intensity most people can notice is 1.0 decibels.  
Researchers said no slowing of high-frequency hearing  
loss was noted, possibly because high-frequency hearing  
loss begins earlier than age 50. Researchers Jane Durga  
of Wageningen University and colleagues suggested by for-  
tifying flour with folic acid, nations might lessen age-  
related hearing loss.  



*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****

 Grins, Giggles and Groaners exists with one belief, . . . . to spread laughter and joy to the world. We try to make a little difference in everyone's day by bringing laughter and smiles to you and the people around you.  Some of the jokes or maybe all of them have been around the block several times often times slightly re-worked  .... but always good or another read. GGG is sent "just for the fun of it" and we hope you get at lease one or 2 chuckles.  In any event, ENJOY!!!

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Doug and Bill went out drinking one night and didn't get home until the wee hours. They see each other the next day at work and Bill asks, "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" Doug replies, "No, but that didn't keep her from talking for two hours."

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you talk!" exclaims the bartender. "I see your ears are working," says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" The bartender brings the sandwich and beer. "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for two weeks. Then one day, the circus comes to town. The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender says to him, "You own the circus? Listen, I know this duck that would be brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer and everything!" "Sounds marvelous," says the circus owner, "get him to give me a call." So, the next day when the duck comes into the pub, the bartender says, "Hey, Mr. Duck, I've got it all set. I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!" "Yeah?" says the duck. "Sounds great, where is it?" "At the circus," says the bartender. "The circus?" the duck inquires. "That's right," replies the bartender. "The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck. "That's right!" says the bartender. The duck looks confused, "What in the hell would they want with a plasterer?"

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In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So, the reporter went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there was the old man, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion, she approached him for an interview. "I'm a reporter, and I'd like to ask how long you've been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years," says the old man. "Sixty years? That's amazing! What do you pray for?" asked the reporter. "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" asked the journalist. "Like I'm talking to a friggin' wall."

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A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

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Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."

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A traveling salesman finds himself stranded in a small town. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's all right." "Oh, that'll be great," says the salesman, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little redheaded schoolteacher."

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Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy. "But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy's lap."

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A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about a third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with. Why, they actually have a program here that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him into that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So, how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks. "Great, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with this program, they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!" "Read?" says his father. "No kidding? What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. But the boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read, so he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I can't wait to see him talk and read something." "Dad," the boy says, "I have some sad news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'" The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your mother." "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy."

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A mother and her son were flying on Southwest Airlines. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So, the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes, she did." "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

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A man is in one of the stalls of a public bathroom when the guy in the stall next to him says, "Hi, how are you?" "Um, fine," answers the man. "What are you up to?" asks the other guy. "I'm traveling," the first guy says, hesitantly. "Mind if I stop over?" "What? Why the hell would you do that?" "Hey, I'll call you back," says the other guy. "The idiot in the next stall keeps talking to me."

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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke." The waitress then turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That'll be $6.40, please," she says. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a Coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later, the waitress comes with the order and says, "That'll be $12.62." Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" asks the boy. "Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip. The brunette team rode on the bottom level of the bus, and the blonde team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
A bar holds a drinking contest to see who can drink 24 shots of Scotch in an hour? A man walks in, is invited to join in, and promptly leaves. He comes back an hour later, joins the contest and wins. When asked where he went, he replies, "I had to go across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
One day, a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on display in the front window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have Work-Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $265.95." The amazed father asks, "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The salesperson answers, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer and one of Ken's friends."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
On a Monday morning, a call came in to the school receptionist. "Hello, please mark William absent today," said the man. "Why?" asked the receptionist. "He is sick," said the man. "Ok, may I ask who is speaking?" asked the receptionist. "My uncle," said the voice on the phone.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?" "Well, here's the deal. You pay 10 dollars, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?" "Pay first," says the bartender. "Those are the rules." So, the customer puts $10 into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "Here's what you need to do. First, you have to drink an entire gallon of pepper tequila. The whole thing, all at once, and you can't make a face. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've got to make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot. I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things!" "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." The man has a few drinks, then a few more, then finally asks, "Wherrre's zaat tequil-l-la?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up. The people inside the bar hear a commotion, then they hear the pit bull barking, and the guy screaming, then the pit bull yelping, and then silence. Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into he bar. His shirt is ripped, and he has large, bloody scratches from head to toe. "Now, he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." A big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says, "He had a hat!"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing any thing that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals and sunglasses. The next morning, they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a cocktail, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous, topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." She nodded to each, and addressed each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After awhile, the same topless blonde came walking toward them. Again, she nodded at each of them, and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." She started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady." "Yes, Father?" "How in the world did you know we're priests, dressed as we are?" "Father, it's me, Sister Katherine," she replied.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for 20 dollars for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated every time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. Over the next few minutes, he explained that his company had gone through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bankbook that showed 30 years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him stock certificates issued by the bank worth more than $2 million, and informed him that they were the largest stockholders in the bank. She explained that for 30 years, she had charged him for sex and these holdings were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
After reading the complicated instructions for the automatic teller, the confused customer walked over to a bank officer. “Excused me,” said the customer, “but I was wondering if you could help me out.” “Certainly,” smiled the officer. “Go right through that door.”

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

This ends today's GGG until the next time.  Hope you got a few chuckles, maybe a hearty bellylaff, or maybe we even stirred up a memory of a classic. Feel free to pass any thing you see here on to that humor loving friend. See you soon!!! * Stay Well ... BE Happy ... and if you drive, please don't drink ... we want to see you right here nex time.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all.. .. ..
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them .. .. ..
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser.. .. ..
FRED
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

**** Reader's Submissions ****

Please pass this one on to someone Very Special and don't worry if 
you happen to shed a few tears!!!

Subject: NIGHT WATCH

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. "Your
son is here," she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words
several
times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he
dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the
oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened
fingers aroundt he old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and
encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside
the bed.  All through the night the young Marine sat there in the
poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words
of
love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine
move
away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the
Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital,
the
clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members
exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The
dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through
the night. Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released
the
now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse.
While
she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy,
but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before
in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew
he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized
that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how
much he needed me, I stayed."

The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.

We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual
experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human
experience.

PLEASE PASS THIS ONE ON !! AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU !

THIS IS WHAT WE ARE PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO ANYWAY. RIGHT ? HAVE A 
GREAT DAY AND BLESS SOMEONE
ELSE IN SOME LITTLE WAY TODAY !

GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD.

**** ON THIS DAY ****


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.

 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-9-

Jack McFadden, artist management, born Sikeston, MO 1927.

Jimmy Day, steel guitarist, born Tuscaloosa, AL 1934.

Big Al Downing, brother of Don Downing, born in Oklahoma 1940.

Jimmy Boyd, singer/actor, born 1940. Jimmy recorded "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" when he was 12 years old.

Billy Sanford, session guitarist/Louisiana Hayride staff musician, born Natchitoches, LA 1940.

Roy Head, born Three Rivers, TX 1943.

Hank Williams recorded "Long Gone Lonesome Blues" 1950.

Crystal Gayle born "Brenda Gail Webb," Paintsville, KY 1951.

Patsy Cline joined the Grand Ole Opry 1960.

Johnny Horton's single "North To Alaska" topped the charts 1960.

Norma Jean joined the Grand Ole Opry 1965.

Ernest Tubb recorded "In The Jailhouse Now," 1967.

Marty Robbins released "No Tears Milady/Fly Butterfly Fly" 1967.

Elvis' "I Really Don't Want To Know" hit the country charts 1971.

Charley Pride's albums "Country Charley Pride" and "Did You Think To Pray," were certified gold 1975.

A portion of Gallatin Road in Hendersonville, TN was renamed Johnny Cash Parkway 1982.

Ricky Skaggs' "Country Boy" certified gold 1994.

Tony Brown and Anastasia Pruitt announced their engagement 1998.

MCA released Mark Chesnutt's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" 1999.

Lorene Allen, age 78, songwriter, died 2004.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Brad Paisley announces '07 tour

 Brad Paisley will launch his 2007 tour in April with dates through August. The Hershey's Presents Bonfires & Amplifiers Tour will also include Jack Ingram, Kellie Pickler and Taylor Swift.

The kick-off date is scheduled for April 26 in Chattanooga, Tenn.

Paisley is touring behind last year's "Time Well Wasted," which had several hits including the current number one song, "She's Everything."

Paisley's 2006 Time Well Wasted Tour played to more than 750,000 fans. According to Pollstar the tour ended the year fourth in total attendance for country tours.

Bonfires & Amplifiers Tour dates are:
April 26 Chattanooga, Tenn. UTC McKenzie Arena
April 27 Statesboro, Ga. Paulson Stadium - Georgia Southern University
April 28 Columbus, Ga. Columbus Civic Center
May 3 Evansville, Ill. Roberts Stadium
May 4 Moline, Ill. The Mark of the Quad Cities
May 6 Champaign, Ill. Assembly Hall
May 10 St Louis UMB Bank Pavilion
May 11 Kansas City, Mo. Verizon Wireless Arena
May 12 Dallas Smirnoff Music Center
May 17 Bakersfield, Cal. Rabobank Arena
May 18 Mountain View, Cal. Shoreline Amphitheater
May 19 Sacramento, Cal. Sleep Train Amphitheatre
May 20 Fresno, Cal. Save Mart
May 22 Vancouver, Canada GM Place
May 24 Spokane, Wash. Spokane Arena
May25 Portland, Ore. Clark County Amphitheatre
May 26 Seattle White River Amphitheatre
June 7 Indianapolis Verizon Wireless Arena
June 8 Cleveland Blossom Music Center
June 9 Boston Tweeter Center
June 10 Darien Lakes, N.Y. Darien Lakes PAC
June 22 Grand Junction, Col. Country Jam USA
June 23 Greeley, Col. Greeley Stampede
June 24 Albuquerque, N.M. Journal Pavilion
July 19 St Clairsville, Ohio Jamboree in the Hills
July 20 Raleigh, N.C. Alltel Pavilion
July 21 Charlotte, N.C. Verizon Wireless Arena
July 27 Uncasville, Conn. Mohegan Sun Arena
July 28 Hershey, Pa. Giant Center
July 29 Bethel, N.Y. Bethel Woods PAC
Aug. 2 Orlando Orlando Centroplex
Aug. 3 Jacksonville, Fla. Jacksonville Arena
Aug. 4 Atlanta Hi Fi Buys Amphitheater
Aug. 9 Biloxi, Miss. Mississippi Coast Coliseum
Aug. 10 Birmingham, Ala. Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
Aug. 11 Nashville Starwood Amphitheatre
Aug. 23 St Paul, Minn. MN State Fairgrounds (MN State fair) 
 



Kenny Chesney tops '06 with most concert tickets sold

Monday, January 8, 2007Kenny Chesney had the most attended tour in North America with 1,130,529 million tickets sold in 2006, according to his label.

"With those kinds of numbers, I'm glad I don't have to do the math," said Chesney. "And I don't know who's number 1 or number 31, what I know is we had a big year out there…and we saw a lot of faces, and we had a lot of fun. Even though we played fewer shows than we have since people started actually wanting to see us, it felt like we sure did see a lot of people."

Chesney sold out Gillette Stadium in the Boston area for the second straight year, doing so more than five months in advance. He went clean at New York's famed Madison Square Garden in 20 minutes.

The Dave Matthews Band was second in North American attendance, notching 1,100,038 tickets sold. The Rolling Stones came in at 1,013,616 on this continent.

"Look, we do a lot of shows," Chesney said. "We have a pretty cool stage, a lot of lights… but in the end, it still comes to down the songs, my band, and the way we play. And the energy the crowd throws back at us! You know, I've said it before: I know what it's like to want to bring a date to a show and not know if I can afford to do it…I understand what tickets cost when you're working a part time job, going to school…and I don't want someone to not be able to come because it was too much money.

"I think when people come see us, they think it's great. But I also think they leaving having had a lot of fun… having had one of those nights where whatever was bugging you, you realize on the way out, you'd forgotten it. To do that for the fans, well, that's kind of why we do it."

The next single for Chesney will be "Beer In Mexico," written poolside at Sammy Hagar's Cabo San Lucas retreat. Chesney performs Tuesday at the People's Choice Awards, finishing up work producing Willie Nelson's next album and continuing work on the follow-up to his triple-platinum "The Road & The Radio."

He also is slated to hit stadiums again this summer with Gillette once again on the list.

It's getting to be that time of year, where we get ready to make some announcement. I just hope people are ready, 'cause we've definitely got some stuff in store."

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

CHICKEN & NOODLE CREAMY CASSEROLE   

  
1 pound skinless boneless chicken breast halves  
1 1/2 cups (about) water  
2 large garlic cloves, minced  
1 bay leaf  
1/3 cup all purpose flour  
2 tablespoons cornstarch  
2 cups low-fat (1%) milk  
1 teaspoon dried tarragon  
1 teaspoon salt  
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg  
1/4 cup dry white wine  
1 10-ounce package frozen spinach, thawed, squeezed dry  
8 ounces spinach fettuccine  
8 ounces mushrooms, sliced  
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil  
3/4 cup coarse breadcrumbs  
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese  

DIRECTIONS:  
Combine chicken, 1 cup water, garlic and bay leaf in large  
saucepan. Cover and simmer just until chicken is cooked  
through, turning once, about 15 minutes. Transfer chicken to  
plate; cool. Shred chicken. Pour cooking liquid into measuring  
cup, adding more water to measure 1 cup if necessary. Reserve  
cooking liquid. Whisk flour and cornstarch in heavy large  
saucepan. Add 1 cup milk; whisk until smooth. Stir in 1 cup  
milk, tarragon, salt, nutmeg and reserved 1 cup chicken cooking  
liquid. Stir over medium heat until mixture thickens and boils,  
about 5 minutes. Add wine; stir until mixture is very thick,  
about 2 minutes longer. Remove from heat. Stir in shredded  
chicken and spinach. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.  
Reheat over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, before  
continuing.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Oil 11 x 7 x 2-inch  
glass baking dish. Cook fettuccine in large pot of boiling  
salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain.  
Return to pot. Add mushrooms and chicken mixture; toss. Season  
with salt and pepper. Transfer to prepared baking dish. Heat  
oil in small nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add  
breadcrumbs; stir 1 minute. Sprinkle over casserole. Bake until  
casserole bubbles and breadcrumbs are golden, about 20 minutes.  
Let stand 10 minutes. Sprinkle with Parmesan and serve.  

Yield: 6 Servings
  


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How was aspirin first discovered and marketed as a pain reliever?

In 1897, Felix Hoffmann, a German chemist employed by Bayer, came across an earlier recipe for a gentle analgesic. Seeking to relieve his father's arthritis pain, Hoffmann used French chemist Charles Frederic Gerhardt's 1853 research to synthesize acetylsalicylic acid (ASA), a compound less acidic and easier on the stomach than its predecessor, sodium salicylate. In 1899, the product was named aspirin and, after extensive testing, Bayer began marketing it successfully in powder form.

The active ingredient of
aspirin, salicin, has been prescribed since the 5th century B.C., when Greek physician Hippocrates treated aches and pains, fevers, and inflammations with a bitter powder extracted from willow bark.

It wasn't until the 1970s that British researcher John Vane described the precise way aspirin works -- by blocking the production of hormone-like substances known as prostoglandins, which are released in response to human tissue injury.

Aspirin (with a capital A) and Heroin (with a capital H) were actually trademarks of Bayer up through the end of World War I. However, following Germany's defeat, Bayer was forced to give up both trademarks as part of the country's war reparations. Believe it or not, the trademarks were given up at the Treaty of Versailles to France, England, Russia, and the United States in 1919. They never mentioned that in history class in high school!




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

Isn't it ironic that just when Americans are starting to accept tofu and sushi, the Japanese are becoming fond of hamburgers and french fries?

LAST CALL Y'ALL



HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
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Hey, Let's be careful out there
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