*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****

Here we are . . . Middle of the Week the day we also call hump day.  
And,here comes the first "HUMP DAY" Edition of Grins,Giggles and 
Groaners for 2007!! Grins, Giggles and Groaners exists with one 
belief,.  .  .to spread laughter and joy to the world. We try to make 
a little difference in everyone's day by bringing laughter and smiles 
to you and the people around you. Sent to you "just for the fun of 
it" with the hope you get a few chuckles or maybe a hearty belly 
laff. •  Feel free to pass 'em around!!!

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ I stressed 
to my twelfth grade class the need to present themselves positively 
in their letters of application for employment. One of my students 
took my words to heart. Instead of the customary "Yours Truly" or 
"Sincerely," she wrote "Eventually Yours."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ On our 
first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor 
made an important point. "Start preparing for landing when you're at 
300 feet."

One student asked, "How do you know when you're at 300 feet"?

"A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people 
on the ground."

She thought about this for a moment before saying, "What happens if 
there's no one there I know"?

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The pastor of our church called to confirm that I would be the 
nursery co-ordinator. He also suggested that when my daughter, who 
would be two by then, "graduated" from the nursery in the spring, I 
could then consider taking charge of the preschool program. "I'd love 
to," I said, "but by then my next baby will be in the nursery." I 
reminded him that I was expecting my second child in the spring.

There was a short pause before he stated, "You know, people are going 
to get the wrong idea of what the nursery co-ordinator is supposed to 
be responsible for."

"Why?" I questioned.

"Well," he started slowly, "the nursery co-ordinator is supposed to 
be in charge of the supplies for the babies in the nursery, not 
supplying babies for the nursery."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ Late one 
night my husband and I heard an unusual clinking sound coming from 
the front of our house. Looking out, we saw a skunk walking along the 
road, its head firmly stuck inside a glass jar. Every few seconds the 
animal stopped and raised its head, only to have the heavy jar clink 
back down on the concrete. Recalling that fire departments often 
rescue cats in distress, we phoned. The sleepy fireman listened to 
our story of the skunk's predicament. "Well," he said with the air of 
a man who knew his priorities well, "is the skunk on fire?"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥The 
headwaiter of a five-star, elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as 
a man in muddy hipwader boots, torn jeans, a dirty leather jacket, 
with long, stringy dirty hair, and a beard full of old crumbs of food 
marched right towards him.

The man said, "Yo, bucko, where's your crapper?"

The headwaiter calmly replied, "Go down the hall and turn left. When 
you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen', pay absolutely no attention to 
it and go right inside."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
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Definitions!

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now 
growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after 
they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more 
damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ A woman 
was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her 
struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to 
answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she 
added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's 
busy hitting the bottle."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ Two women 
met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked 
the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to 
live a well planned life? "

" Yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my 
second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; 
and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well 
planned life?"

"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to 
go."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ As the 
pediatric RN listened to six-year-old Timmy's room over the intercom, 
she detected some sighs and whimpers. So she pushed the send button 
on the intercom to check on him: Nurse: "Hi, Timmy. Are you all right?"

Timmy: "What"

Nurse: "I am asking if you are all right. You aren't scared or 
anything are you?"

Timmy: "Huh"

Nurse: "Timmy, please talk to me."

Nurse: (more urgently): "Timmy, please answer me."

Timmy: (in a scared, small voice): "What do you want, wall?"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ When 
campaigning for the Senate in 1962, Teddy Kennedy found himself 
talking with a blue-collar worker who said bluntly, "I understand 
you've never worked a day in your life." Kennedy braced himself for a 
resentful lecture, only to be taken by surprise when the man 
continued, "Let me tell you, you haven't missed a thing."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ While on a 
cruise in the Bahamas, Gene and his family were joined at their 
dinner table by an elderly couple from Scotland who spoke with heavy 
accents. When the meal was over, Gene's seven-year-old son Gene Jr., 
who was quiet throughout dinner, asked his dad, "What language were 
they talking?" Gene replied, "English." The boy shook his head and 
said, "I didn't know English was also a foreign language."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥ A few ?NE 
LINERS • • • • • • • •

My mind is a garden. My thoughts are the seeds. My harvest will be 
either flower or weeds. - Mel Weldon

Kindred: Fear of relatives.

How did they measure hail before golf balls were invented?

When thieves get caught stealing money, they go to jail. When 
politicians get caught, it's an honest mistake.

Glutton: Someone who eats the slice of cake you wanted.

Dating is when you pretend you're someone you're not, to impress 
someone you don't even know.

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This is all there is for our HUMP DAY Edition #1.

Hope yo had a few GGG.

See you soon!!!  • • •
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**** ON THIS DAY ****

Combine milk and eggs and mix well.
Fold in remaining ingredients and top with thin sliced
tomatoes and chives.
Pour into 9 x 13" pan (greased). Refrigerate overnight.
Bake in 325 degree oven for 1 hour in top of oven.



**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

 How do they lay cable across the ocean? Is it laid on the very bottom?

Very carefully ... and, yes, the cable is laid on the bottom of the ocean. The answer to this fascinating question is perhaps quite dull: "they" use submarines to lay cable across the ocean floor. Simple as that. A submarine communications cable is a cable laid beneath the sea to carry telecommunications between countries. The first submarine communications cables carried telegraphy traffic. Subsequent generations of cables carried first telephony traffic, then data communications traffic. All modern cables use fiber optic technology to carry digital payloads, which are then used to carry telephone traffic as well as Internet and private data traffic.

As of 2006, submarine cables link all the world's continents except Antarctica.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

LAST CALL Y'ALL


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
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