"Last week gas prices dropped 10 percent while the price of  
a gallon of gas rose 2 percent. How does that work? See,  
it's all supply and demand — the oil companies have the  
supply and they demand all our money." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"New Yorkers are still recovering. We had this big cloud of  
something that smelled awful, and New Yorkers are still  
worried about it. I'm walking through Central Park today –  
and this actually happened – I saw a squirrel – a squirrel  
– spraying Lysol on his nuts." --Dave Letterman 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Caesar's Palace has announced that after five years,  
they've decided to end their exclusive concert engagement  
with Celine Dion. To maintain continuity, Caesar's will  
replace Dion with a shrieking baby and a car alarm."  
 --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When  
he reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the  
ground. Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision,  
he grabbed a hold of the next blade.  

In this manner, he traveled across the lawn, covering as much  
distance vertically as he did horizontally, which both amused  
and delighted me.  

And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an  
"epiphany"; a moment of heightened awareness in which every-  
thing becomes crystal clear.  

Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly  
knew what I had to do... Quit drinking before noon.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.  
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things  
were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told  
when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me,  
and out I go."  

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was  
asked.  

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees  
and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.  

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final  
arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.  

The man quickly answered. "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
"Toyota is developing a car with a new device that will  
automatically stop the car if the driver has had too much  
to drink. The device is called oncoming traffic."  
 --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             "The price of oil has now dropped to under $59 a barrel and  
you know the effect this is going to have on the price of  
gasoline? Nothing. In just one week, oil corporation profits  
have fallen from 'obscene' to just 'indecent'." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dick Cheney got a pay raise. So now I'm not the only screw  
up that is overpaid." --Dave Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor  
feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the  
following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch  
about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,  
I called the fire department.  

"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When  
I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come  
down when it gets hungry enough."  

How do you know that?" I asked.  

"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.  

Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs,  
a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.  

When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer  
pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.  

"Does your dog have a license?" he asked.  

"Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one; I always do  
the driving." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The outhouse
Once there was a little boy that lived in the country.They had to use an
outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the
summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.The outhouse was
sitting onthe bank of a
creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse
into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy
decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek.
So he got a large stick and started pushing.
finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.That night
his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.
Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked whyThe dad replied,
"Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.It was you, wasn't
it son? The boy answered yes.
Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that
George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble
because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George
Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A private plane owner had recently acquired his solo license and persuaded his wife to fly with him. Deciding to give her a small thrill, he buzzed low over the city and added a couple of flips for good measure. Chuckling, he said, "I'll bet 50 per cent of the folks down there thought we were falling." "Uh-huh," replied the missus, "and 50 per cent up here thought the same thing.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Chicken Surprise"

You are going to hate yourself over this.  It scores automatically.  
Take this advice .. be sure and think before you answer.

**** HEALTH NEWS ****


        Researchers turn algae into cancer drug  

ANN ARBOR, Mich., -- A team of University of Michigan  
researchers says there's a trick for turning blue-green  
algae into cancer-fighting gold. The researchers combined  
synthetic chemistry techniques with enzyme knowledge to  
produce a class of anti-cancer drugs isolated from blue-  
green algae, the Ann Arbor, Mich., university said in a  
release. The feat should mean researchers could produce  
enough of the drug for clinical trials. The compound,  
cryptophycin 1, found in the blue-green algae holds  
promise as a cancer-fighting drug, researchers said. But  
normal fermentation methods were difficult for high-level  
production, so organic chemists sought ways to make a  
synthetic form in large enough quantities for clinical  
trials. University of Michigan Life Sciences Institute  
Research Professor David H. Sherman devised an efficient  
synthetic strategy that allowed for a key part of the  
synthesis to occur and preserve the anti-cancer proper-  
ties. Sherman said his team isolated biosynthetic genes  
and key enzymes and developed a new, efficient method of  
manufacturing the product. "This issue represented an  
exciting target that offered not only an interesting  
scientific problem, but the potential to do something of  
practical importance in creating a promising anti-cancer  
drug," he said.   

Test could show drug-resistant HIV  

RALEIGH, N.C., -- U.S. researchers at Duke University  
Medical Center have developed a test to identify which  
drug-resistant strains of HIV are in a patient's blood-  
stream. As a result, doctors may be able to guide  
patient care by predicting if a patient is likely to  
develop a resistance to a particular HIV drug, Feng Gao,  
one of the developers, said in a news release. Drug  
resistance is one of the most common reasons why HIV  
therapy for fails. The test, which detects genetic muta-  
tions in HIV, also could help scientists understand how  
the evolving virus develops its resistance to drugs, Gao  
said. Such knowledge could result in scientists develop-  
ing new treatments designed to evade resistance, he said.  
"The viral populations found in the blood of one patient  
can be very different from the populations present in  
another," Gao said. "Which resistant viruses are at hand  
can have important implications for the successful treat-  
ment of that patient." The test also can detect when a  
virus molecule more than one mutation, Gao said. The  
findings will be published in the February edition of  
Nature Methods.   

WHEN TO TREAT FLAT FEET  

Pain and inactivity in a child with flat feet indicate the  
need for treatment, the American College of Foot and Ankle  
Surgeons advises. The guidelines, published in the Journal  
of Foot and Ankle Surgery, urge parents to regularly  
observe their child's gait -- with and without shoes --  
for signs of flattened arches. Therapies may include  
activity modification, stretching exercises, shoe orthotics,  
nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medications or, if all else  
fails, surgery. Youngsters who have flat feet often complain  
of foot or leg pain, show a sudden lack of interest in  
physical activities or fail to develop arches by age 10,  
says study co-author James Thomas of the University of  
Alabama, Birmingham. Flattened arches are common in young  
children. In most self-correcting cases, the foot is flat  
when standing but arched in non-weight-bearing positions.  


*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
I was doing some much needed Internet House Cleaning of archived 
humor and misc.  SO, don't be surprised if you see a lot of stuff you 
have seen before.  As we say in the humor business, everyone needs to 
laugh as often as possible if only to keep the blood circulating.  G 
G G are sent Just for the fun of it and feel free to pass anything 
on. In any event, have fun. - THe Ole Fritzbear!!

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
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First we begin with "WEIRD NEWS" - {Not sure when these things 
happened, but we are sure they did. . . .!!}


    1.   The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon 
Valdez
oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a
killer whale.

    2.   A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions.  After
weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her
repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

    3.  In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the 
world
flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours
short of the 400 day record to find that his sponsor had gone bust, his
girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

    4.  A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards
the electric skillet. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current
she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door,
breaking his arm in two places.  Until that moment he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.

    5.  Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, 
trampling
the two hapless protesters to death.

    And the capper.......

    6.  Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

  A man was struck by a bus on a busy street. As he was lying near  
death on the sidewalk, a crowd of spectators gathered around. "A  
priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasped.

   A policeman checked the crowd and yelled, "Is anyone a priest?"

   Out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man of at least 80 
years of age.

   "Mr. Policeman," said the man, "I'm not a preacher. I'm not even a 
Christian.

   But for 50 years now I'm living behind the Catholic church on 
First Avenue and every
   night I 'm overhearing their services.     .

   I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to 
this man."

   The policeman agreed and cleared the crowd so the man could get 
through to where
   the injured man lay.

   The Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the injured man and said in 
a solemn voice,
   "B-4, I-19, N-38, G-54, O-72."

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≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was
in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman
stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing
tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part
of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss
know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man finds out I
can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as well!"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
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Top Ten Hilarious Pranks To Play In Space
-----------------------------------
10. Contact NASA by saying, "Whitney Houston, we have a problem!"

9. Spike the Tang with Folger's Crystals.

8. Paste a "Hyundai" logo on the main control panel.

7. Tape photo of Keith Richards to window and then tell crew
,"There's a hideous Martian outside the ship!"

6. Dump sewage tank over Iran.

5. Fill someone's oxygen tank with Homestyle Beef Gravy.

4. Ring doorbell on Mir Space station; quickly float away.

3. Hide the experimental bee hive in someone's space suit.

2. Sneak action figure from "Alien" movies aboard, then pretend it
pops out of your stomach during dinner.

1.  Egg the moon.

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Things that make you go Hmmm....
Why do we have to be quiet in Museums?

Why does bottled water have an expiration date?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

"When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes 
in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when
we found out there was a bus. --Brian Auten

"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-
Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same
station. I actually bought a congressman." --Bruce Baum

"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking." --
Henry Louis Mencken

Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax

Why do the banks use all that space and money to construct so many 
teller stations, then never have more than two or
three in use?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to
become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the
teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a
set of weights.  "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise
I'll use 'em every day."

"I don't know, Michael.  It's really a commitment on your
part," the father pointed out.

"Please, Dad?" the boy continued.

"They're not cheap either," the father came back.

"I'll use 'em Dad, I promise.  You'll see."

Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed
for the door.  From the corner of the store he heard his son
yelp, "What!  You mean I have to carry them to the car?"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Bonus Jokes:
My wife thinks I'm too nosy.  At least that's what she keeps 
scribbling in her diary.

• ••• •

What goes gobble,gobble, ha ha, plop?  A turkey laughing it's head off!

• ••• •

If I ever make it on Wheel of Fortune, I'm sneakin' in my own vowels 
under my jacket.  No way I'm gonna pay $250, especially for a "U".--
J.P. Styskal

• ••• •

My friends tell me that I refuse to grow up, but I know they're just 
jealous because they don't have pajamas with feet.  --Tom Sims

• ••• •

Your work is only as good as your concentra -- Hey look!  A cloud 
shaped like Snoopy!  --Martell Stroup

• ••• •

A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband than 
she did, but she knows her son will never get
as good a wife as his father did.

• ••• •

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the 
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,they're 
too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and 
asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

• ••• •

Our local humane society had an overabundance of cats, and to deal 
with the surplus they posted a notice:
"Laptops Available.  Mouse not included."

• ••• •


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≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:

"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life
are the most dangerous."

Underneath, a nurse had written:

"The last five are pretty risky, too."

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≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
As a cabdriver, I was dispatched one night along with another taxi to 
pick up a group of hearing-impaired
passengers.  After they got in, I noticed that the interior light 
went on in the other cab and stayed on
throughout the trip.  Then, when the passengers got out,they waved 
and blew a kiss at the driver.  Curious, I got
out to ask her what had happened.  She showed me a noteshe had given 
her passengers.  On it she had written,
"Do you want me to leave the light on so you can seeto talk?"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
The soldier serving overseas, far from home, was annoyed and upset 
when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and
asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted 
photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all
together and sent them back with a note saying:

"Regret -- cannot remember which one is you.  Please keep your photo 
and return the others."

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
I frequently receive calls from pollsters asking me to participate in 
telephone surveys.  One woman began with a barrage of questions.

"Wait a moment," I said.  "Who are you and whom do you represent?"

She told me and immediately continued asking questions.

"What's the purpose of this survey?" I asked.

"Sir," she replied irritably, "I don't have time to answer your 
questions."  Then she hung up.

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≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Pupsie  was complaining to Barbie that her husband always came home 
late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said Barbie, "and do what I did.

"Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from 
my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim?'

And that cured him."

"Cured him!" asked Pupsie, "but how?"

Barbie said, "You see, his name is Andy."

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  Ten Things a Cat Thinks About
---------------------------------
1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with 
their mouths?

3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior 
motives?

5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we 
cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?

6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their 
own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to
    invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let 
them know who's boss!

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≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak 
to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes 
who it is that keeps calling.

"Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going 
to get that through your fat head?"

"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
The young woman really thought she'd been very patient through a 
protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.

One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant.

As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So . . .  how do you 
like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?"

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied 
clearly, "Thrown."

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≤≥≤≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. 
Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, 
on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the 
bullet hole in dead center.

The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person 
responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be 
the village idiot.

"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man. 
"How in the world do you do it?"

"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles 
afterward."

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
≥≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Abraham was reading an article out loud to his wife. "Did you know 
that women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas men only use 15,000 
words?"

Sadie replies, "The reason has to be because a woman has to say 
everything twice."

Abraham turns to Sadie and asks, "What?"

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Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it was many 
years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very 
excited that they were asked to attend a wedding.

All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, Irving asks 
Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?"

Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn't 
remember.

Finally, she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It 
means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

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DURING a magazine and newspaper subscription drive, our son Philip, a 
paperboy, learned about good salesmanship.

His supervisor had instructed the kids to maintain a positive 
attitude, even when turned down. One potential customer told
Philip, "I've got papers and magazines strewn all over the place -- I 
don't need any more."

Philip's reply? "Well, how about a subscription to Good Housekeeping?"

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That's all of our look back.  G G G is sent just for the fun of it, 
to bring you a few chuckles, maybe a heart belly laugh or whatever.  
WE hope you got a few grins and we hop you pass these on.

Have a great weekend / and PLEASE remember, if you DRINK, DOn'T DRIVE!!!


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