My friend Richard is 81 years old and still plays golf and badminton. He had to change his primary medical provider as his old one retired. The questionaire asked all the basic questions and on one of them it asked your current weight. He put down 185. It asked what was the most you ever weighed. He put down 198. It asked what was your lowest weight. He put down 7 pounds 5 ounces.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will Rogers once sent his young niece a picture postcard from Paris. "See what will happen to you," he wrote on the back, "if you don't stop biting your fingernails."

The subject of the card? The Venus de Milo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To me, knowing how to wash dishes is a totally useless skill. What does that get you except clean dishes and you can buy those. Who ever got the Nobel Prize or Pulitzer for squeaky- clean flatware? When did a husband ever say about his wife, "She's beautiful and she gets the water spots off the glasses like nobody's business?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Kevin,  just returned from traveling around
the USA for a year.  He had a lot of stories to tell, but this was my
favorite.

It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The
man he asked replied "Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then
turn left at the Stop n Go."

He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7.  At about 10 miles down he stopped for
directions again.  The man he asked replied "Just go back down this road
about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go"

He headed out again but still had no luck.  When he got back to where he
had started he stopped again.  When he ask for directions the answer was
exactly the same.  This time Jim asked "Could you describe the Stop n Go
for me?" The man gave him a funny look and said "It's on a pole. It's
got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A detective was interviewing a man whose clothing shop had been burglarized. "It's bad," said the owner, "But it's not as bad as it would have been if I had been robbed yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale!" answered the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was dining at a beachside seafood restaurant in San Diego which has mercifully long since gone out of business. After several iced teas (or probably more likely it was too many cervezas - oh to be young again on a summer day by the beach!) I journeyed to the back of the restaurant only to be confronted with a choice of "Clams" and "Oysters."

Being a man and therefore incapable of asking for directions, I stood there debating the issue for a minute and thought that perhaps the "Oyster" bathroom might be for women because oysters give pearls, but not wanting to suffer the embarrassment of venturing into the wrong room, I waited for someone to come out so I would know which room to use.

No luck, and while I was waiting three other people came up who, faced with the same daunting task, simply turned away and returned to their seats. Finally, unable to resist nature's increasingly desperate urging, I left the restaurant and used the bathroom at the gas station next door.

On the way I passed one of the diners who had turned away while I waited. We nodded silently to each other in acknowledgement of our mutual confusion. To this day, I don't know which bathroom was the right one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jim Lantry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a major speech Wednesday, President Bush vowed to keep U.S. forces in Iraq until the people there can live a prosperous and peaceful life. The speech was definitely convincing as thousands of Hurricane Katrina refugees have now decided to move to Iraq.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the nervous father who is pacing up and down in the hospital lobby waiting to hear about the birth of his first child? Finally, after several hours, the nurse arrives. The father runs up to her and asks, "Nurse, tell me, is it a boy?" The nurse says calmly, "Well, the middle one is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A member of the Country Club asked the
lifeguard how he might go about teaching
a young lady to swim.
"It takes considerable time and technique."
replied the guard. "First you must take her
into the water, then place one arm about her
waist,hold her tightly, then take her right
arm and raise it very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the
member. "I know that my sister will appreciate
it."

"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case,
just push her into the deep end of the pool.
She'll learn in a hurry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Kevin,  just returned from traveling around
the USA for a year.  He had a lot of stories to tell, but this was my
favorite.

It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The
man he asked replied "Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then
turn left at the Stop n Go."

He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7.  At about 10 miles down he stopped for
directions again.  The man he asked replied "Just go back down this road
about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go"

He headed out again but still had no luck.  When he got back to where he
had started he stopped again.  When he ask for directions the answer was
exactly the same.  This time Jim asked "Could you describe the Stop n Go
for me?" The man gave him a funny look and said "It's on a pole. It's
got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A detective was interviewing a man whose clothing shop had been burglarized. "It's bad," said the owner, "But it's not as bad as it would have been if I had been robbed yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale!" answered the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a major speech Wednesday, President Bush vowed to keep U.S. forces in Iraq until the people there can live a prosperous and peaceful life. The speech was definitely convincing as thousands of Hurricane Katrina refugees have now decided to move to Iraq.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the nervous father who is pacing up and down in the hospital lobby waiting to hear about the birth of his first child? Finally, after several hours, the nurse arrives. The father runs up to her and asks, "Nurse, tell me, is it a boy?" The nurse says calmly, "Well, the middle one is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE DRIVING TOO FAST...

This one is destined to become a classic, If this doesn't make you laugh or at least smile,,, you need to think seriously about getting professional assistance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A member of the Country Club asked the
lifeguard how he might go about teaching
a young lady to swim.
"It takes considerable time and technique."
replied the guard. "First you must take her
into the water, then place one arm about her
waist,hold her tightly, then take her right
arm and raise it very slowly..."
"This is certainly most helpful." said the
member. "I know that my sister will appreciate
it."

"Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case,
just push her into the deep end of the pool.
She'll learn in a hurry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day when poet Charles Lamb was little more than a toddler, his sister Mary took him for a stroll through a cemetery. As they passed the tombstones, the precocious young boy read the laudatory epitaphs denoting the deceased as "charitable," "virtuous," "beloved," and so on.

Returning home some time later, Lamb suddenly turned to his sister. "Mary," he asked, "where are all the naughty people buried?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once a teacher, always a teacher. English teacher Laine explained how to use a word correctly to her sociable four-year- old daughter Amy. But the little girl didn't appear too interested in the grammar lesson. Laine said, "If there's one young person, we say 'child.' If there is more than one, we say 'children.'" Amy answered, "That's not what I say, I say it's a party."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Both of Sylvester Stallone's parents were entrepreneurs. One started opening gyms in 1952 (called 'Barbellas'); the other was a beautician who started opening beauty schools.

The first parent? His iron-pumping mother; his father was the family beautician.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1927, National Air Transport handled a historic parcel: the first package ever shipped by air. The freight was loaded under armed guard at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. The item? A "ten-gallon" Stetson hat, slated for delivery to legendary comedian Will Rogers.

**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Food allergies said linked to British ills  

ROCHESTER, England, -- A new report from Allergy UK has  
found that 45 percent of common health complaints in  
Britain are directly caused by food intolerance. Allergy  
UK exec Muriel Simmons revealed her medical charity's  
findings on the widespread prevalence of food intolerance  
and called for assistance from Britain's National Health  
Service and grand practitioners, the Independent said.  
"Around 20 million people are suffering from symptoms that  
impact on their daily lives and yet they are not able to  
get help from the NHS," Simmons said. "We want to see more  
dietary advice being available and more training given to  
GPs so that they can recognize that food could be the  
trigger for some of the symptoms that they are seeing on  
a daily basis." The most common instances of food intoler-  
ance are related to milk and its contained sugar, known as  
lactose, along with gluten and wheat. Suffering from food  
intolerance typically results in headaches, rashes and  
stomach pains, but it can also inflame other ongoing  
medical conditions. The newspaper said the group's find-  
ings came from a survey of thousands of British citizens  
who have suffered food problems.   

Fat overload kills mammalian cells  

ST. LOUIS, -- Washington School of Medicine scientists say  
they've identified a protein that triggers death in mam-  
malian cells that are overloaded with saturated fat. "When  
lipids (fats) accumulate in tissues other than adipose  
tissue, cellular dysfunction or cell death results," says  
senior author Dr. Jean Schaffer, associate professor of  
medicine, molecular biology and pharmacology at the St.  
Louis school. "For example, preliminary studies on animals  
suggest that the accumulation of fat in the pancreas con-  
tributes to the development of diabetes, while accumula-  
tion of lipids in skeletal muscle of leads to insulin  
resistance." Other studies have linked the genesis of heart  
failure to fat-induced cell dysfunction and cell death in  
the heart. "As physicians our primary focus in diabetic  
patients is on glucose control," said Schaffer, a cardiol-  
ogist at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. "But it appears we should  
also be more aggressive with respect to lowering lipids,  
such as triglycerides and fatty acids." The study is said  
to be the first to identify a critical step in the pathway  
that leads from high cellular fat to cell death, according  
to Schaffer.   

    Biologic drugs comparable for rheumatoid disease  
  
NEW YORK - Humira (adalimumab), Remicade (infliximab), and  
Enbrel (etanercept) are useful rheumatoid arthritis treat-  
ments and have comparable effectiveness and safety, accord-  
ing to an analysis of combined data. These biologic drugs  
are agents designed to either block or supplement immune  
system chemicals called cytokines. The three drugs in the  
current analysis all work by blocking a cytokine called  
tumor necrosis factor.  

"Overall, biologics are highly effective treatments for  
rheumatoid arthritis," lead investigator Dr. Gerald  
Gartlehner pointed out. "Biologics, however, also have  
the potential for rare but severe side effects such as  
serious infections or cancers."  

However, another biologic drug, Kineret (anakinra), which  
blocks a cytokine called interleukin-1, "appears to be  
less effective than these three drugs," Gartlehner told  
Reuters Health. The findings are reported in the Journal  
of Rheumatology.  

Gartlehner of the University of North Carolina, Chapel  
Hill and colleagues studied data from 17 studies involv-  
ing more than 5,200 patients with rheumatoid arthritis  
resistant to methotrexate, the standard first-line  
therapy for the disease. The researchers also took into  
account a number of other trials evaluating efficacy and  
safety.  

The finding that the tumor-necrosis factor blocking  
agents were more effective than Kineret, say the invest-  
igators, is consistent with the findings of other indirect  
comparisons.  

Overall, the researchers conclude that the safety data  
were insufficient to draw firm conclusion about long-term  
effects of biologics.  

Moreover, they note, routes of administration vary. For  
example, Humira, Kineret and Enbrel can be injected by  
the patient, whereas Remicade requires an office visit  
every 4 to 8 weeks for injection.  

Gartlehner concluded: "Given the similar effectiveness  
of Humira, Enbrel, and Remicade, decisions about the  
choice of a biologic for a patient should also include  
patient convenience, costs, and insurance coverage." 

*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****

This is from the popular site called SUDDENLY SENIOR.... A good Read  
(Please pass it on)

CONFESSIONS OF AGING

I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, 
antacid........

I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories.....over and over and over and over.

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental 
care....

I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, 
children, politicians...

(For the ladies) I'm positive I did housework correctly before my 
mate retired.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.........

I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies....

I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-
inflammatory.....

I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors ...... 
absolutely nothing!

I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.....

I'm supporting all movements now.... by eating bran, prunes, and 
raisins.

I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the storeroom.

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to 
many more! You didn't, did you???????

For you younger people, this is just to let you know what is coming.

Annon.

Tail Gate Ribs

This recipe sounds goofy, but believe me, it works. Follow these steps for tender, juicy, delicious ribs.

Time Required: Only 15 minutes for prep and 15 minutes to grill, but requires overnight marinating and at least four hours of unsupervised cooking

Skill Required: Minimal cooking skills needed

Ingredients:

Enough ribs to feed your crowd

Canned Coca-Cola (not diet)

Your favorite BBQ Sauce

Garlic, salt, pepper, onion powder

Steps:

Place the ribs in a baking dish and pour Coca Cola in with the ribs until they are covered. Add BBQ sauce and spices.

Allow the ribs to marinate overnight.

Slow cook the ribs in the Coca Cola in an oven at 200 degrees for at least 4 hours (up to 12 will make them very tender). Make sure you cover the ribs to avoid burning them. If you're short on time, you can boil the ribs for about 2 hours.

Remove the ribs from the oven. Be careful, the meat may fall off the bone. You can refrigerate at this point if you're making the ribs for a next-day-tailgate.

Place your ribs on the grill. Brush with BBQ sauce. Sprinkle Old Bay or Cajun seasoning over the ribs if desired (or mix the spice with the sauce before brushing for the best effect).

Serve and enjoy!!

If you don't have Coke or want a different marinate, you can use BBQ sauce, vegetable oil or light olive oil, spices, and water. Be sure the ribs are covered with liquid while marinating. Cook them in the marinate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 "BACON AND CHEESE PUFF"

8 slices of bacon
2 med. onions sliced
12 slices white bread quartered
1/2 lb. Swiss cheese,shredded
8 eggs
4 cups milk
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
Tobasco or
prepared mustard,to taste