Don was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast.

He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ.

He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!""

One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife. "How lovely, dear" she said, "what's the occasion?"

"I want to make love to you," he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear.ʉ have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey,"ʳaid his wife, "not tonight."

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was a resounding NO.

Finally, he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable, Jerry," she exclaimed. "but what are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."

When he opened it, Sam found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," Susi said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

Sam was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. Susi had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of thisʠmoney? Where did it come from?"

"Oh, that?" Susi said. "That's the money I made from selling theʠdolls."

A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it.

As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.

One day "little sister" called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and quickly headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

A census taker in rural West Texas went up to a farmhouse and knocked.

A woman came to the door, and he proceeded to ask her how many children she had, and their ages.

She said, "Well, lez' juz' see now, there's the twins Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two, the twins Seth and Beth, they're twenty-six, and the twins Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four ... "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered, " Why heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin!"

WIN

Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

LOVE AND MARRIAGE

• You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
  
• At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
  
• A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted." Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  
• When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
  
• A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
  
• A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
  
• A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, Son."
  
• Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
  
• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
• If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
  
• Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  
• A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll just beat him to death.