|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New
Subscribers
If you don't have a
sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at
all
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
FRIDAY FEBUARY 16,2007
THOUGHT
FOR TODAY: Our boss says he's changed his mind. We wonder if the new one will work
any better.
As my husband,
the county highway commissioner, was driving to the
hospital for treatment of
his painful knee injury, he decided to take
advantage of the hospital's Valet
parking.
As he exited his car, a young man with the Valet parking co.,
comes up
and asks my husband if this was a government vehicle.
"Why,
yes," my husband replied, surprised by the question.
"In fact it's an
unmarked police car."
"Wow!" the young man said, sliding behind the
wheel.
"This will be the first time I've been in
the front seat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John: My father got so
angry last night at my mom, he hit the ceiling,
knocking large chunks
out.
Ted: Wow!
John: Yeah... it was the first time he
got plastered without even going
out.
~~~~~~~~~~~
We bought my mother a
remote car starter that also opened the door locks at the press of a button. We
left her car at the shop to have the system installed. That evening the
technician called. He said the installation was almost complete but they had run
into a little problem-they had locked the keys in the
car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The waitress at the
upscale restuarant kept starring at the leading man
every time she brought
him another dinner course.
"Say, she finally said, "don't I know you from
somewhere?"
The leading actor was coy. "Possibly you've seen me in the
movies," he
replied.
"Maybe," she said thoughtfully. "Where do you
usually sit?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son fell through the
ceiling while he was working in the attic, and my four-year-old grandson, Nick,
invited everyone who came to the door to see what his Dad had done. Finally my
son said, "You can tell Grandma and Grandpa and relatives, but you don't need to
tell everyone about it!" When the repairman arrived, Nick followed him and his
dad to the hall. Nick looked up at the ceiling and said, "You know, that hole is
just about the size of my dad."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The district
attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness
stand.
"And
so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the
breakfast
table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any
qualms? Didn't you
feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was
about to die and was
wholly unconscious of it? As you sat there...
didn't you feel for him at
all?"
"Yes," she answered. "Come to thik of it...there was just a tiny
moment
when I sort of felt sorry for him."
"And, when was
that?"
"When he asked for his third
cup."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I would like
some vitamins for my son," the blonde mom said as she walked into the
pharmacy.
"Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist.
"It doesn't
matter, he can't read
yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
?????????????????,OOPS
I got my first
job as a graduate nurse in a rural hospital and I was
eager to apply all my
new knowledge and skills. One day I was sent to
check the fetal heart rate of
one of our patients. I entered the room,
saw the young couple and remembered
that I was to involve the patient's
family when providing care. After
explaining my task, I asked the
husband if he'd like to listen to the baby's
heartbeat, too. They both
seemed uncomfortable as I looked from one blushing
face to the other.
"I'm not her husband!" the young man sputtered. "I'm the
minister."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHE'S GOTTA BE
BLONDE
At the car dealership where I
work, we give our customers a heat deflector-a screen that covers the windshield
- as a token of our appreciation for their patronage. "Here are your keys and a
deflector for the windshield," our serviceman said to one client. The young lady
went out to the parking lot, but ten minutes later she was back. "I'd like a
smaller deflector," she said. Told there was only one size, she asked, "But how
am I supposed to drive if I can't see the
road?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend's daughter, Nancy, found a baby
tooth that her kitten had lost. She and her sister decided that they could put
one over on the tooth fairy. That night they placed the tooth under Nancy's
pillow. And it worked. But the tooth fairy left a can of
sardines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SOMETIMES IT'S BOTH
An elderly
gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He
looked quite concerned at one notation. "I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but
I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't
offend anyone." He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question
meant "short of breath" and not what he
thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PLOP
Poor Johnson had spent his life
making wrong decisions. If he bet on a
horse, it would lose; if he chose one
elevator rather than another, it
was the one he chose that stalled between
floors; the line he picked
before the bank teller's cage never moved; the
lane he chose in traffic
crawled; the day he picked the picnic was the day of
a cloudburst; and
so it went, day after day, year after year.
Then,
once, it became necessary for Johnson to travel to some city a
thousand miles
away and do it quickly. A plane was the only possible
conveyance that would
get him there in time, and it turned out that only
one company supplied only
one flight that would do. His heart bounded.
There was no choice to make! And
if he made no choice, surely he could
come to no grief.
He took the
plane.
Imagine his horror when, midway in the flight, the plane's
engines
caught fire and it became obvious the plane would crash in
moments.
Johnson broke into fervent prayer to his favorite saint , Saint
Francis.
He pleaded, "I have never in my life made the right choice.
Why this
should be, I don't know, but I have borne my cross and have
not
complained. On this occasion, however, I did not make a choice; this
was
the only plane I could take and I had to take it. Why, then, am I
being
punished?"
He had no sooner finished when a giant hand swooped
down out of the
clouds and somehow snatched him from the plane. There he
was,
miraculously suspended two miles above the earth's surface, while
the
plane spiraled downward far below.
A heavenly voice came down from
the clouds. "My son, I can save you, if
you have in truth called upon
me."
"Yes, I called on you," cried Johnson. "I called on you, Saint
Francis!"
"Ah," said the heavenly voice, "Saint Francis Xavier or
Saint
Francis of
Assisi. Which?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bishop was
sitting in a doctor's waiting room when a red-faced and
sobbing nun rushed
out of the doctor's exam room. The bishop charges
into the exam room and
demanded to know what the doctor had done.
"I told her she was pregnant."
the doctor replied, matter of factly.
"That's crazy! That can't be true!"
said the outraged bishop. "Why would
you ever tell her something like
that?"
"Well, it cured her hiccups."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they
feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the
man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at
the
man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out. That should help." the
clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith
tighth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat
and decided to get rid of him one
day by driving him 20 blocks from his home
and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking
up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.
He put the
beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway,
there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat
would always beat
him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away,
turn right, then
left, past the bridge, then right again and another right
until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left
the
cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is
the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you
ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that it on the phone, I'm lost
and
need
directions!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Al Gore is at it
again. He was at The Grammys; he'll be at
the Oscars; and now
he's launching a series of concerts to
benefit the fight against
global warming. Its slogan?
'Gorefest 2007. It's hard-Gore.' I'm
going to that! And I
think I'm going to Obama-Palooza, too."
--Jimmy Kimmel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bill Gates, the world's
richest man, the Microsoft man, he
bought the Four Seasons
today. Not the hotel chain, the
actual seasons. It's now
Microsoft winter, Windows Spring..."
--Craig
Ferguson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you hear about the
fan violence in Italy at soccer
games? The fan violence in Italy
at soccer games has gotten
so bad, the teams are forced to play
in empty stadiums.
Empty stadiums! And so now, it's just like
United States
soccer." --Dave
Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after
a long
and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when
our
beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way.
Later,
in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears
in
his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to
utter
something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What'd we
decide
to call her again?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I picked up my
mother-in-law at the airport. She's
getting a little up there.
She's at the age where she
doesn't remember things too well. So
when I saw her I
said, "Thanks for coming. Have a nice
flight!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well it's
happened again. Now another guy has stepped for-
ward and says
he may be the father of Anna Nicole's money...
I mean baby!"
--Jay
Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday
at an international conference. An official from
Cuba said that
his country restricts use of the Internet
because its a 'wild
new technology.' Other wild new tech-
nologies in Cuba? The
eight-track, the typewriter, and
Tupperware." --Conan
O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The NBA
All-Star Game will be broadcast in something called
HD, 3-D. It
is 3-D, high-definition television. They're
saying that a couple
of minutes into the second half, Ron
Artest will actually come
out of the set and punch you in
the face." --Jimmy
Kimmel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Do you love me with all
your heart and soul?" asked Becky.
"Mmm hmm." replied
Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the
world?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Do you think my lips
are like rose petals?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Oh
Dave," gushed Becky, "you say the most beautiful
things!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You cannot put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the
microwave
or utensils in the garbage disposal.
There are just so many
rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat
out.
HEADS UP
FOLKS
Mastectomy Bill in Congress
It takes 2 seconds to do this
and is very important...
Please take the time and do it really
quick!
Breast Cancer Hospitalization Bill -
Important
Legislation for all women.
Please send this to everyone in
your address book. If
There was ever a time when our voices and
choices
Should be heard, this is one of those times. If
You're
receiving this, it's because I think you will
Take the 30 seconds to go to
vote on this issue and
Send it on to others you know who will do the
same.
There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient
Protection Act
which will require insurance companies
To cover a minimum 48-hour hospital
stay for patients
Undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating
the
"drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to
Go home just a
few hours after surgery, against the
Wishes of their doctor, still groggy
from anesthesia
And sometimes with drainage tubes still
attached.
Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web
Page with
a petition drive to show your support.
Last year over half the House signed
on.
PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site
Below.
You need not give more than your name and zip
Code.
http://www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html
This takes
about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to
Your friends and family and, on
behalf of all women,
THANKS.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** HEALTH NEWS
****
FDA approves DNA suture
technology
WASHINGTON, -- The U.S. Food and Drug
Administration ap-
proved the use of sutures made from material
isolated from
bacteria modified by recombinant DNA technology.
The tech-
nology uses living organisms to create chemicals that
may
be more difficult to produce under standard
industrial
methods. "The TephaFLEX Absorbable Suture is made
from
material that uses the latest DNA technology," said
Dr.
Daniel Schultz, director of the FDA's Center for
Devices
and Radiological Health. "This approach could have
broader
applications for medical devices that use this novel
manu-
facturing technology." The FDA said it based its
decision
on the manufacturer's laboratory and animal testing
that
examined chemical composition, biological safety
and
mechanical performance of the polymeric suture. The
pro-
duct is produced by Tepha Inc. of Cambridge, Mass.
Doctors
use sutures in patients to hold soft tissue together
while
the tissue heals from a deep cut or surgical
incision.
Absorbable sutures are made of materials that break
down
in the body after a short period of time. The
newly
developed sutures are contraindicated in patients
aller-
gic to the cells or the growth media used to produce
the
absorbable polymeric
material.
New medical
technique might treat tumors
BERKELEY, Calif., -- A
large U.S. animal study has shown
certain microsecond electrical
pulses can punch nanoscale
holes in the membranes of target
cells. The technology --
irreversible electroporation, or IRE,
developed at the
University of California-Berkeley -- does its
work without
harming tissue scaffolding, including that in the
blood
vessels. That is a potential breakthrough in
minimally
invasive surgical treatments of tumors, researchers
said.
"I've been working in this area of minimally
invasive
surgery for 30 years now," said Boris Rubinsky,
professor
of bioengineering and lead author of the paper. "I
truly
think that this will be viewed as one of the most
impor-
tant advances in the treatment of tumors in years. I
am
very excited about the potential of this technique.
It
may have tremendous applications in many areas of
medicine and surgery." Rubinsky, who co-wrote the study
with
Dr. Gary Onik, director of surgical imaging at
Florida Hospital
in Orlando, Fla., is on a leave of
absence from the University
of California-Berkeley to
develop the technology at Hebrew
University in Israel.
The technique, which will undergo human
testing this
summer, is described in the February issue of
the
journal Technology in Cancer Research and
Treatment.
New form of bone disorder disease found
BETHESDA, Md., -- U.S. scientists say they've
identified
a new form of a brittle bone disorder and have
determined
the genetic defect that underlies osteogenesis
imperfecta.
The disorder is characterized by bones that break
easily,
and is caused by mutations in the gene encoding the
pro-
tein type I collagen. The classical form of the
disease
is dominant, meaning a mutation in only one copy of
the
type I collagen gene is sufficient to cause the
disease.
But now Joan Marini and colleagues at the National
Insti-
tute of Child Health and Human Development in
Bethesda,
Md., say they've identified a new recessive form of
the
disease, in which mutations of both copies of a gene
are
required. The research is to appear in the March
issue
of the journal Nature Genetics.
*****Fred.....The Ole Fritbear!!!*****
Laughter is contagious. Be a
carrier.
PERHAPS, THIS IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY REASONS FOR THE EXISTENCE OF
"GRINS< GIGGLES AND GROANERS" IT IS SENT SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK "JUST FOR
THE FUN OF IT "WITH THE HOPES YOU GET A FEW CHUCKLES AND MAYBE A GOOD HEARTY
BELLY LAFF.WE MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO KEEP THE HUMOR CLEAN ... (NOT SQUEAKY CLEAN
EXACTLY ... BUT WE WILL NEVER SEND OFFENSIVE JOKES.) SHARE GGG WITH
FRIENDS AND IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE G.G.G. IN THEIR
MAILBOX, SEND US THEIR ADDRESS.
SO,
WITH THAT TAKEN CARE OF ...LETS SEE WHAT THE HUMOR GUY HAS COME UP WITH THIS
TIME, OK??
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Opening THOUGHTS .. ..
..'
"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not
only the scenery you miss by going too fast
you also miss the sense of where
youare going and why. - Eddie Cantor
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The road to success is a toll road. Pay that
small, daily fee,
and you'll be able to go most anywhere you want.
Leave some
time for fun, and you'll enjoy the ride. - Steve
Goodier
≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤
"New Terminology For
Kids"
- Your bedroom isn't cluttered;
it's "passage-restrictive."
- Kids don't get in trouble
anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
- You're not having a bad hair day;
you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
- No one's tall anymore. They're
"vertically enhanced."
- You're not shy. You're
"conversationally selective."
- You don't talk a lot. You're just
"abundantly verbal."
- It's not called gossip anymore.
It's "transmission of near-factual information."
- The food at the school cafeteria
isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
- Your homework isn't missing; it's
just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
- You're not sleeping in class;
you're "rationing consciousness."
- You don't have smelly gym socks;
you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
- You weren't passing notes in
class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned
meditations."
- You're not being sent to the
principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the
administrative building.
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
skipped the clubhouse and started
to go home. As he was walking
to the parking lot to get his car,
a policeman stopped him
and asked, "Did you tee off on the
sixteenth hole about
twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer
responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball
so that it went over the
trees and off the
course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he
asked.
"Well," said the policeman very
seriously, "Your ball flew out onto
the highway and crashed through a
driver's windshield. The car went
out of control, crashing into five
other cars and a fire truck. The
fire truck couldn't make it to the
fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about
it?"
The golfer thought it over
carefully and responded . . .
"I think I'll close my stance a
little bit, tighten my grip and
lower my right thumb."
≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A weary-worn homeless man was seen
carrying a cardboard sign
on Wilshire Boulevard, a major
thoroughfare in Los Angeles:
"Homeless, hungry, please help. God
bless."
Which he flips over to reveal "Or,
visit my website at www.hobo.com"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A weary-worn homeless man was seen
carrying a cardboard sign
on Wilshire Boulevard, a major
thoroughfare in Los Angeles:
"Homeless, hungry, please help. God
bless."
Which he flips over to reveal "Or,
visit my website at www.hobo.com"
≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"So, what's the matter? I thought
you just got back from
a nice relaxing fishing trip with
your husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong:
First he said I talked so
loud I would scare the fish. Then
he said I was using the
wrong bait; and then that I was
reeling in too soon.
"All that might have been all
right; but then, to make
matters worse, I ended up catching
the most fish!"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A lady on her first visit to
Yellowstone National
Park said to her guide,
"Look at all those big
rocks. Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought
them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?"
"The glaciers," said
the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
I phoned one of those "let's sue
everyone partnerships" that advertise on T. V. I told them I wanted to sue
them! I hurt myself going for the remote to turn them
off.
Their response was "which member of
the firm was doing the commercial?"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Things You Wouldn't Know Without
Movies
----------------------------------
* The Eiffel Tower can be
seen from any window in Paris.
* A detective can only solve a case
once he has been suspended
from
duty.
* A man will show no pain while
taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman
tries to clean his wounds.
* When paying for a taxi, don't
look at your wallet as you take
out a bill - just grab one
at random and hand it over. It will
always be the exact
fare.
* Kitchens don't have light
switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the
fridge door and use that light instead.
* If staying in a haunted house,
women should investigate any strange
noises in their most
revealing underwear.
* Mothers routinely cook eggs,
bacon and waffles for their family
every morning even though
their husband and children never have time to eat it.
* Cars that crash will always burst
into flames.
* The Chief of Police will always
suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the
job.
* A single match will be sufficient
to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
* Medieval peasants had perfect
teeth.
* Any person waking from a
nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
After examining the contents of the
employee suggestion box, the
senior partner of the law firm
complained, "I wish they'd be more
specific. What kind of kite? What
lake?"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
My six-year-old son came running
into the house, crying and shaking his right hand. Sobbing, he told me he had
been bouncing the basketball and it had bounced into the end of his fingers.
From the way he was crying, I knew he just needed a kiss-it- better cure. His
crying subsided and as he turned to go back outside, he said absently, "...or
was it this hand?"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
TOP TEN REASONS VALENTINE'S DAY IS IN
FEBRUARY
10. Christmas and Easter had the first two draft
picks.
9. Chocolate melts in the summertime!
8. Greeting Card
Cartels are too powerful. If Hallmark wants a holiday in February, Hallmark
*gets* a holiday in February.
7. St. Valentine's martyrdom probably had
something to do with it.
6. "February" is an anagram for "Bare
Fury."
5. Males can only engage in romantic rituals that occur between
the end of football season and the beginning of hockey playoffs.
4. Red
clothes with fuzzy white trim are still in fashion this soon after
Christmas.
3. Cupid's wings are too small to navigate the treacherous
warm updrafts during the other seasons.
2. In February winter feels like
it will never end and a bit of a nice holiday halfway through the tedium stirs
our minds to turn toward warm thoughts of the coming Spring.
1. The
temperature in February is so cold that cuddling is a matter of survival for the
species.
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
I don't understand why Cupid was
chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing
on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
While I was visiting a friend, his
college-age daughter hurried into the room. She enthusiastically explained her
plans for the afternoon and ended with a request for some pocket money. With an
exaggerated sigh and roll of his eyes, my friend reached for his wallet. "Maybe
you'd like a money tree out in the backyard," he grumbled, winking at
me.
Kissing him on the cheek, and with a grin of her own, she replied:
"Oh, no, Daddy. We'd never replace you!"
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
“Top Ten Pickup Lines Used By
Adam”
"You know you're the only one for me!"
"Do you come here
often?"
"Trust me, this was meant to be!"
"Look around, baby. All
the other guys around here are animals!"
"I already feel like you're a
part of me!"
"Honey, you were made for me!"
"Why don't you come
over to my place and we can name animals?"
"You're the girl of my
dreams!"
"I like a girl who doesn't mind being ribbed!"
And the
number one pick up line from Adam is: "You're the apple of my eye!"
≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A delicate young man walked into an
army recruiting office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally asked
if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was.
"Gay, huh?" the
brawny recruiter growled.
"Do you think you could kill a
man?"
"My, yes," the recruit giggled, "but it would take days and
days."
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"My friend has a sixteen-month-old.
The baby's crawling around and he has an accident in his diaper. And the mother
comes over and says, "Isn't that adorable? Brandon made a gift for Daddy." I'm
thinking this guy must be real easy to shop for on Father's day."
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Famous quote
Club membership
"I would never join any club that
would accept me as a member"
- Groucho Marx -
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"Although I can accept talking
scarecrows, lions and great
wizards of emerald cities, I find
it hard to believe there
is no paperwork involved when your
house lands on a witch."
- Dave James (One of my top
ten fav one-liners...The Fritzbear)
≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes Please
Help
This
is a link for FREE
virus protection
It is excellent. I use it
myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and
click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost
you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to
donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough
people to click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated every day to abused
and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in
need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to
donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass
it along to people you know!
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
HEY ... Have a great weekend ... stay warm .... but
PLEASE
BE CAREFUL. If you have a drink or
two, please don't drive. We want you here for the next issue of
GRINS, GIGGLES and
GROANERS!!!
So
long for now from the Ole Fritzbear!!!
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥
**** Reader's
Submissions ****
THE CHILD
WITHIN
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
I got that look
from my daughter again the other day. It is the look that says: "Dad, will you
please just act your age?" You see, my daughter is growing up fast and is on her
way to becoming a beautiful, young woman. Even though she is still a teenager
she already has the maturity and wisdom of an adult. I, on the other hand, have
been busy enjoying my second childhood ever since my first one ended. It seems
strange to my daughter then that sometimes she appears to be the older and more
grown up of the two of us.
What my daughter
doesn’t realize, though, is that I used to be a child, teenager, and young adult
myself. I can distinctly remember what it was like to be each one of them. In
fact, all three of them still live on inside of me. I can still choose to be
anyone of them I wish. While I know then that I have to be an adult most of the
time, I also know that being a child is a lot more fun.
Children are so
much closer to their love. Children are so much closer to their laughter.
Children are so much closer to their joy. Children are so much closer to their
light than we adults are. They seem to know instinctively what most of us have
forgotten: that God loves us and wants us to be happy in our lives here. That is
why no matter how old, tired, and wrinkled this body of mine may get, inside of
it there will always beat the heart of a child. Our souls may be eternal, but I
see no reason why they can’t also be forever
young.
Don’t be afraid to live with the joy of a child. Don’t be afraid to love
with the heart of a child. Don’t be afraid to laugh with the delight of a child.
It is your childlike soul that will light the way to the Kingdom of
Heaven. It is
your childlike heart that will bring you to oneness with God. It is your
childlike spirit that will fill your life here with happiness. Let the child
within you out then. You may get that look from time to time, but the joy is
worth it.
**** ON THIS DAY
****
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes Please
Help
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
|
Waltrip offers apology |
|
Driver says he was so embarrassed he nearly pulled out
of race. |
|
|
|
|
|
Rusty picks out the best |
|
Former Cup champ selects his Top 12 drivers for 2007
season. |
|
|
|
|
|
72-year-old comeback? |
|
James Hylton vying to become Daytona 500's oldest
qualifier. |
Story
Veteran driver backs off his knocks on NASCAR's
safety record |
Four teams don't agree with NASCAR's latest
penalties. Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save
35%
Fisher Excited About Homecoming
To Indy 500 With Dreyer & Reinbold
Sarah Fisher will drive for Dreyer &
Reinbold Racing as a teammate to 2004 Indy 500 winner in the 91st Indianapolis
500 on Sunday, May 27.
Sunday, February 4,
2007
One of this
generation’s most popular Indianapolis 500 drivers is returning to compete on
racing’s grandest stage in 2007.
Five-time “500” starter Sarah Fisher, the third woman to
drive in “The Greatest Spectacle in Racing,” will return to the Indianapolis
Motor Speedway in 2007 with Dreyer & Reinbold Racing, the team announced
Jan. 30. Fisher and 2004 Indianapolis 500 winner Buddy Rice were named to drive
in an expanded two-car Dreyer & Reinbold team at all of the 2007 IndyCar
Series oval events.
Fisher, a native of Commercial Point, Ohio, drove in the
Indianapolis 500 from 2000-04 and earned a best finish of 21st in
2004. She has 50 IndyCar Series starts, with a best finish of second in 2000 at
Homestead-Miami Speedway, the best finish by a woman in IndyCar Series history.
She also became the first woman to win a pole in qualifications, in 2002 at
Kentucky Speedway.
Fisher won the IndyCar Series “Most Popular Driver” award
three consecutive years, from 2001-03 and also won that award while competing in
the NASCAR West Regional stock car series in 2005, before she returned to
open-wheel racing with two starts last season, in Kentucky and Chicago, with
Dreyer & Reinbold.
“Coming back the last two races last year really made me
realize how much I’ve missed it (IndyCar Series),” Fisher said. “Things have
changed a little bit since I’ve been gone, but I’m up for the challenge. It
seems like the opportunity will allow us to run up front, and that is more
exciting than ever.
“Mentally, I’ve grown 10 years as a person in only two
years. Physically, I’m in the best condition I’ve ever been in, and that is
going to help with mental decisions this year.”
Fisher will drive the No. 5 Dallara/Honda/Firestone for
Dreyer & Reinbold.
“Sarah drove for us the last two races last year,
Kentucky and Chicago, and she didn’t put a wheel wrong there,” said team
co-owner Robbie Buhl, an eight-time Indy 500 starter. “There were things we need
to do improve on our race cars to give her a better race car, but Sarah showed
her desire to want to be back in a car and make a statement in open wheel
(cars), so we’re excited to have Sarah with us and complement that with Buddy
and his knowledge of open-wheel cars.”
***
2007 Indianapolis 500 tickets: Tickets are on sale for
the 91st Indianapolis 500, scheduled for Sunday, May 27,
2007.
Tickets can be purchased at the Indianapolis Motor
Speedway’s Web site, www.indianapolismotorspeedway.com,
by phone or at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Ticket Office. The IMS Ticket
Office can be contacted at (800) 822-INDY outside the Indianapolis area or (317)
492-6700 locally. Ticket Office hours are 8 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday through
Friday.
Parking and camping permits for “The Greatest Spectacle
in Racing” also can be purchased online, by phone or at the Ticket
Office. **** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****
-16-
James Clarence "Jimmy" Wakely born Mineola, AR
1914.
Bill Doggett, "Honky Tonk (Parts 1 & 2)" born
Philadelphia, PA 1916.
Jo Walker-Meador "Edith J. Denning," born Orlinda, TN
1924. Walker-Meador was the executive Director of the CMA for twenty-nine
years. Inducted CMHF 1995. There is no way to measure, her huge contribution to
the country music community, and to Nashville.
Jack Guthrie, Western singer-songwriter debuted as a
guest on the Grand Ole Opry 1946.
The Everly Brothers single "This Little Girl Of Mine"
charted 1958.
George Jones and Tammy Wynette married in Ringgold, GA
1969.
Johnny Cash recorded "Man In Black" 1971.
John Denver's #1 hit "Sunshine On My Shoulders" charted
on Billboard's Top 40 in 1974.
Marty Robbins crashed his car, in the Daytona 500 NASCAR
race 1975.
Crystal Gayle's single, "Till I Gain Control Again,"
topped the charts 1983.
NBC aired "The Last Days of Frank and Jesse James,"
starring Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson 1986.
Koch released Bobby Bare's album "Bare Tracks" 1999.
Andy Griggs was arrested in Tallahassee, FL 2001,
along with a member of his band. They reportedly stole an ambulance and took it
for a joyride. The two men were charged with felony charges of Grand Theft
Auto.
James "Lucky" Ward, age 65, guitarist, died in Georgia
2002.
-17-
Steve Stebbins, retired LAPD officer, turned talent
booking agent, born Chico, CA 1903.
Dick Reinhart, western swing vocalist, born Tishomingo,
OK 1907.
Legendary guitarist, Billy Byrd, born William Lewis Byrd
in Nashville, TN 1920.
Uncle Jimmy Thompson, an early Grand Ole Opry performer,
died 1931.
Johnny Bush born "Johnny Bush Shin III," Houston, TX
1935.
Buck Trent, banjo player, born Spartanburg, SC
1938.
Gene Autry's single "Don't Fence Me In," charted 1945.
Johnny Cash started his first California Tour
1957.
The Tennessee State Legislature declared "The Tennessee
Waltz," the State Song 1965.
Smiley Burnette, age 55,
singer/songwriter/actor/comedian, died 1967.
Henson Cargill's single "Skip A Rope," topped the charts
1968.
Jon Randall born, John Randall Stewart, Dallas, TX
1969.
Tom T. Hall recorded "Hang Them All/America The Ugly"
1970.
Johnny Cash was featured on the TV series "This Is Your
Life" 1971.
Bryan White, born Shellman, GA 1974.
Eck Robertson, age 87, fiddler/recording artist, died
1975.
Merle Haggard's single "That's The Way Love Goes,"
topped the charts 1984.
Gus Hardin "Carolyn Ann Blankenship," age 50, died in a
car crash 1996.
Sony released the Gatlin Brothers "Super Hits" album
1998.
Brad Paisley joined the Grand Ole Opry
2001.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 – Kenny Chesney
will get a profile on "60 Minutes" this Sunday with correspondent Anderson
Cooper doing the piece.
"There's something about '60 Minutes'," said
Chesney. "It's just a whole other level, of, well, all of it. The questions, the
way they committed to shooting us...It was as much about trying to get a sense
of how it feels out there as it was just showing people what happens...and
Anderson is a great interviewer."
Cooper and his team, including producer John
Hamlin sought to balance the superstar of Chesney with that of a pensive
songwriter.
"We were all so tired when we got the call,"
Chesney remembers, "and I think I wanted to know - because these opportunities
are once in a career, and I realize that - that I was gonna be good enough. When
you get that far into a tour, you're mentally a little burned... and when you
sit down to do that interview, it's not like you've got 20,000 people giving you
their energy if you're a bit worn out."
"But you know, sometimes you gotta do it in the
moment. And Anderson was willing to really play along... The look on his face
when I dragged him up onstage in Detroit at the stadium show, he was scared to
death, this guy who gets shot at in combat zones, but I also know he knows what
it's like to have that coming at
you."
Honorary doctorate for Loretta Lynn
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Soon
you can call her the coal miner's doctor.
Loretta Lynn is slated to
receive an honorary doctorate of music from Berklee College of Music during her
March 17 performance at the Grand Ole Opry.
The honor from the Boston
college puts the 71-year-old Lynn into a select group of recording artists that
includes Duke Ellington, Tony Bennett, Aretha Franklin, Quincy Jones, B.B. King,
Bonnie Raitt, Earl Scruggs, Sting and Sarah Vaughan.
"Loretta Lynn's
songs have squarely addressed real-life situations faced by many women, and
she's used her artistry to deal openly with themes like loyalty, divorce, desire
and women's role in society before others in country music," Berklee President
Roger Brown said in a release Wednesday.
Lynn's many hits include "Coal
Miner's Daughter," "You Ain't Woman Enough" and "The Pill."
Since
beginning her career in 1960, the Butcher Hollow, Ky., native has written more
than 160 songs and released 70 albums, 17 of which have gone to No. 1.
In
1972, she was the first woman ever named Entertainer of the Year by the Country
Music Association. She's won three Grammy Awards, was elected to the Country
Music Hall of Fame in 1988 and received the Kennedy Center Honors in
2003.
Her most recent record is 2004's "Van Lear Rose," which she
recorded with the White Stripes' Jack White.
****
Amy's Kitchen ****
TENDERLOIN FOR 2 - TOPPED
WITH HERBED CHEESE
4 (1-inch thick) beef
tenderloin steaks
2 tablespoons softened cream
cheese
4 teaspoons blue cheese, crumbled
4
teaspoons plain yogurt
2 teaspoons minced onions
dash of pepper
1 large garlic clove, halved
1/2 teaspoon salt, divided
2 teaspoons freshly chopped
parsley
DIRECTIONS:
Combine cream cheese,
blue cheese, yogurt, onion and pepper;
reserve. Rub each side of
beef steaks with garlic. Place
steaks on rack in broiler pan so
surface of meat is 2 to 3
inches from heat. Broil 5 to 6
minutes. Season with salt.
Turn and broil 3 to 4 minutes. Season
with remaining salt.
Top each steak with an equal amount of
reserved cheese
mixture. Broil an additional 1 to 2 minutes.
Garnish with
parsley.
Yield: 2
Servings
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
What does "ZIP code" stand
for?
 The ZIP in ZIP code is
actually an acronym for "Zoning Improvement Plan." In the early 1960s, the
United States Postal
Service felt the pressure of a huge increase in
mail volume (mainly due to the advent of the computer and its effect on business
mail). This increase, coupled with changes in transportation (a shift from
trains to planes) and the rising cost of manual labor, forced the USPS to look
at new automated methods of sorting and delivering the mail. The USPS also
examined different coding systems to aid in the mechanization
process.
After reviewing several new systems, the USPS officially adopted
the Zone Improvement Plan in 1963. The plan assigned a five-digit code to every
address in the United States. The code worked as follows:
The first digit
designated a broad geographical area of the United States, ranging from zero for
the Northeast to nine for the far West. This was followed by two digits that
more closely pinpointed population concentrations and those sectional centers
accessible to common transportation networks. The final two digits designated
small post offices or postal zones in larger zoned cities. On July 1, 1963, the
ZIP code system went into effect. Then, in 1983, the USPS decided further
improvements were necessary. They introduced the ZIP+4 code, which tacked
another four digits onto the existing ZIP codes. With this additional number,
the USPS could more accurately pinpoint a particular delivery
location.
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"I get those
maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm lying on the couch and can't reach
the remote, I think, 'Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'" - Kathleen
Madigan
LAST CALL Y'ALL
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in
the Funnies personally.
The contents
are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an
equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in
service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or
give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our
features are intended to be for entertainment only.
Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold
copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the
proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS
AMERICA
~
To subscribe,
Click on a link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end
of this mailing
~
Regarding
any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me
with question or
comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COMor
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN
47838-0521
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Miss
getting The Funnies,or is your ISP
blocking mail again?
No problem
To Read the Funnies on line. Just
click on this link
Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Unsubscribe link is at the END of this
list
God Bless America , Our Land
, Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE
Scanned by Avast
virus
protection
~
Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.comUnsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438
|
|
