|
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
| << May31, 2007 - The Daily Funnies |
June05, 2007 - The Daily Funnies >> |
|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.  Welcome to The Funnies "Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything. Welcome New Subscribers MONDAY JUNE 4,2007 Shirley's ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID **** A German man accidentally torched his automobile when he tried to use a vacuum cleaner to siphon gasoline out of his car. The man had mistakenly filled his tank with gas instead of diesel at a filling station. After the attendant helped him get the fuel out, the driver wanted to make sure there was no petrol left inside. So he tried to use the station's vacuum cleaner to suck out the last drops of fuel. But gas fumes exploded inside the vacuum cleaner causing major fire damage to the goofball's car. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** Reader's Submissions
**** I
am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
~Woody
Allen
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE:
A HOW TO GUIDE"
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your
voice.)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same
outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is
especially
effective if your boss is a different gender than you
are.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them
only by
these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry.
I'm going
to have to disagree with you there,
Chachi."
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what
you're doing.
For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
bathroom."
"Highlight" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost
your shoes
since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in
"Palmolive."
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell
people you're
waiting for your document.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if
they want
fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it
"IN."
Develop an unnatural fear of
staplers.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny
Partridge.
Try to pass them off as your
children.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc...
in the
lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just
lean back,
pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than
that."
Put decaf in the
coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to
espresso.
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"R.S.V.P."
Top scientists were invited
to a party, and this is how
they replied
(warning! only avid science students
will
understand every reference):
*
Ampere was worried he
wasn't current.
*
Audobon said he'd have to
wing it.
*
Boyle said he was under too
much pressure.
*
Darwin waited to see what
evolved.
*
Descartes said he'd think
about it.
*
Dr Jekyll declined -- he
hadn't been feeling
himself
lately.
*
Edison thought it would be
illuminating.
*
Einstein thought it would
be relatively easy
to
attend.
*
Gauss was asked to attend
because of his
magnetic
personality.
*
Heisenberg was uncertain
that he could make it.
*
Hertz said in the future he
planned to attend
with greater
frequency.
*
Mendel said he'd put some
things together and
see what came
out.
*
Morse's reply: "I'll be
there on the dot. Can't
stop now, must
dash."
*
Newton planned to drop
in.
*
Ohm resisted the
idea.
*
Pavlov was drooling at the
thought.
*
Pierre and Marie Curie were
radiating enthusiasm.
*
Stephenson thought the
whole idea was loco.
*
Volta was electrified, and
Archimedes buoyant
at the
thought.
*
Watt reckoned it would be a
good way to let off steam.
*
Wilbur Wright accepted,
provided he and Orville
could get a
flight.
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"There is no power on earth that can neutralize the
influence of a high, pure, simple, and useful life." - Booker T
Washington
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
According to a new study by the University of Washington,
90 percent of children under the age of 2 are couch
potatoes.
You know what you call these
kids?
Tater tots.
- Jay Leno
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Ogden High School's wrestling team showed up for a
wrestling meet at
Humboldt High School. The home coach greeted them with the
news that one of
his wrestlers had Down's syndrome. "He has no skill but
loves to compete.
You can pin him in seconds. He knows he'll lose; he just
wants to roll
around on the mat for a little bit. Would anyone on your
team be willing to
wrestle with him?"
First, there was silence. Then a lone voice on the Ogden
team replied, "I'll
do it," and wrestler Lane Brueland stepped forward to
grapple with the boy
named Brent.
The gesture alone was commendable, but what Brueland did
next was exemplary.
Instead of doing what the Humboldt coach requested,
Brueland wrestled with
the boy for the full six minutes. Not only that, he let the
youngster score
enough points to win the
match.
When Brent's hand was raised and he looked up in wonder and
said, "I won?"
There wasn't a dry eye in the gym. Both boys got a standing
ovation.
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest,
they're not
mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor,
or the music that
numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo
dribbling down the
shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from
supervisor of a
child's life to a spectator. It's like being the
vice-president of the
United States." - Erma Bombeck
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
About 90 sixth-graders piled into the airliner I was
flying, on their way
home from a school trip. Once we were in the air and the
crew began trying
to serve drinks, I could hear them pleading with the
children to settle down
so the beverages could be served and the other passengers
could get some
sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I
thought of the
solution that actually worked: I picked up the PA mike in
the cockpit and
announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't
make me stop this
airplane and come back there."
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are
tough, and struggling
students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading
exams one
semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship
between kinetic
and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and
wrote, "As far as
I know, they're just friends, but there could be something
else going on
there."
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Sarah and Dick were having
dinner with a couple they'd not seen for
several
years. Each couple tried to recapture knowledge of the
other by recounting
their histories.
"And soon after we were married," Sarah began, "we were
blessed with a
marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no
teeth."
"You had a baby, I presume," said the other
husband.
"Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live with
us."
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me
four of those
pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the
sunflowers, and that
bent-over grandma in bloomers."
Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the
pinwheels, ten dollars
for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an
apology to my
wife!"
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; Stepped on the gas
instead of the brake.
-- Pennsylvania Tombstone, USA ≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider
- kind of like going to your 25th high school
reunion."
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that
fish do in it."
- W.C. Fields ≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine. He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we have, son?" The caddie replied, "About 135, sir." "My 6 iron, please," said the hothead. His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a 3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!" ≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
When I started traveling, I put a large map of the world on
my recreation-room wall and stuck a red tack on every place I visited. After
years of travel, the map was really covered with pins. I mentioned to my friend
one day, “Just think, when I am old and in my rocking chair I can say, 'Look at
all the places I've been!'”
“No,” she replied. “You'll say, 'Who in the world stuck all those pins in my map?'” ≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
I was trying to apply drywall to the bathroom ceiling of
our new home, but for some odd reason the screws bounced back at me. I tried
several different places, with the same result. Exasperated, I asked the advice
of everyone I know, but no one could help. Finally, I invited my brother-in-law
over. After unsuccessfully trying to drive in one more screw, I turned and saw
him chuckling. "What's so funny?" I said sharply. "It generally works better
when your drill isn't in reverse," Luke laughed.
≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
"I think Alfie is getting a bit old, he seems to be going
deaf."
"No Way, watch this...Alfie sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean it up!" ≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
**** ON THIS DAY **** THE GINGHAM DRESS A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard & probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge. "We'd like to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted. "Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him! He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him! , "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus." The president wasn't touched. He was shocked. "Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died.. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery." "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it cost to start a university? Why don't we just start our own? " Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about. You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who they think can do nothing for them. ---- A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes **** HEADS UP FOLKS **** These Are My Causes Please Help This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Patrick, one of two
women in Sunday's ABC Supply/A.J. Foyt 225 at the Milwaukee Mile, had an
on-track collision with the car driven by Dan Wheldon and then made a
beeline for the Englishman in the pits after coming back to finish
eighth.
The incident took
place on the 88th of 225 laps, with Patrick, who started 17th in the
18-car field, diving low on the track in an attempt to pass both Wheldon
and last week's Indy 500 winner Dario Franchitti for fourth
place. She got past
Franchitti with no problem and appeared close to passing Wheldon when the
two cars came together, sending Patrick's car spinning into the infield
grass. She made a great save, straightening out her car and getting back
on track as the yellow flag came out. Wheldon's car was
not damaged and he went on to finish third, behind winner Tony Kanaan and
Franchitti. The postrace
conversation between Patrick and Wheldon was a pretty one-sided, with
Patrick doing most of the talking and eventually giving her rival a light
push as she walked away. "I just came up to
him, looked up at him, put my arm around him, started walking and said,
'What happened. What was that for? Did you not see me? Why didn't you back
off?' And he didn't say anything," Patrick explained. "I said, 'I was
clearly inside you' because I heard him saying in an interview that I
wasn't all the way up alongside of him. I'm not sure what is lost in
translation there, but I was completely alongside of him. I've made many
more passes happen with being less far up (inside) someone. "Then he said, 'You
can't get caught up in the marbles' and I said, 'Well, that's a pass,
Dan.' I told him, 'If you don't think I'm going to remember this, I don't
know why you're being like this, but if you don't think I'm going to
remember, you're crazy,"' she added. Wheldon didn't see
the on-track incident the same way as Patrick. "She obviously
thought she was past me," he said. "She wasn't. I've been in this business
long enough to know when someone is there and when somebody is not. Maybe
it's a bit of inexperience there on her part." As for the postrace
confrontation, he said, "She's just feisty. There's a lot of pressure on
her because she has not won a race and her teammates are (winning). I
think in a situation like that, sometimes you get desperate. ... She's
just being Danica. She'll be fine when she calms down." Wing
woes: Both Team Penske entries in Sunday's race had damaging
late-race problems with their rear wing. Helio Castroneves
had an almost certain victory snatched away when his rear wing collapsed
and he crashed with 25 laps to go, while teammate Sam Hornish Jr. was in
second place when his rear wing came loose, forcing him to pit with six
laps to go and costing him a second-place finish. "I had the race
won," said Castroneves, who led four times for a race-high 126 laps. "It's
a shame that something so odd happened there at the end. The car just
started spinning when my rear wing broke. It's unfortunate because our car
was fantastic all day. It was getting better and better throughout the
race. "I just have to
laugh it off. It's amazing that I have such bad luck at this place. Now we
just have to forget abut this and move on to Texas (for a race next
Saturday night)." Hornish, the
reigning series champion, was just as disappointed. "Today was a tough
day for all of Team Penske," he said. "This is the same problem that Helio
had. It's pretty strange that this happened to either one of us, let alone
both of us. It's the kind of thing that almost never happens. "It's pretty
frustrating since we both had a chance to win the race." Hornish wound up a
lap down in ninth, while Castroneves wound up 16th. Pit
notes: Team owner A.J. Foyt was the grand marshal Sunday and put
a slightly different twist on the traditional prerace words, saying,
"Girls and boys, start your engines." ... Despite an 80% chance of rain,
31,838 people turned out for the race. The rain never fell until an hour
after the finish. ... Franchitti took the series lead and goes to Texas
with a three-point edge on Wheldon and five on Scott Dixon, who went into
the race as the leader. -1- Elsie McWilliams, co-writer of some Jimmy Rodgers songs, born Harperville, MS 1896. "Lee" William Allen, "Allen Brothers," born Sewanee, TN 1906. Johnny Bond, singer/songwriter/actor/author, born "Cyrus Whitfield Bond," Enville, OK 1915. Inducted CMHF 1999. Esmereldy, born "Verna Sherrill," Middleton, TN 1920. Billed as "The Streamlined Hillbilly." Jimmie Dale Warren, Son's of the Pioneers, born Summerville, KY 1925. Andy Griffith born Mount Airy, NC 1926. Pat Boone born "Charles Eugene Boone" in Jacksonville, FL 1934. Pat grew up in Nashville, TN. Hazel Dickens, singer/songwriter, born Mercer County, WV 1935. IBMA Merit Award 1994. Wayne Kemp, singer/songwriter/guitarist born Greenwood, AR 1941. Roy Acuff recorded "The Prodigal Son/Low and Lonely" for Okeh Records 1942. Ronnie Dunn born "Ronnie Gene Dunn," Coleman, TX 1953. Prior to pursuing a career in Country Music, Ronnie studied theology at Abilene Christian College. Patsy Cline's first recording session for Coral Records 1955. Johnny Horton's "The Battle Of New Orleans" went to #1 in 1959. Dolly Parton moved to Nashville 1964. Shelley Lee Alley, age 69, died 1964. Stu Phillips joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967. The house where Elvis Presley and his twin brother were born in Tupelo, MS was opened for tours in 1971. Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues," single, charted 1968. Ralph Emery asked WSM to relieve him of his duties, on the all night Broadcast of "Opry Star Spotlight," in 1972. Asylum released "The Eagles" self titled debut album 1972. Johnny Cash released "One Piece At A Time" 1976. Jimmy Murphy, singer/songwriter died 1981. Alan Jackson released his album "Don't Rock the Jukebox" 1991. The album sold over four million copies, and Alan told his wife she could quit her day job. Epic released Joe Diffie's "A Night to Remember" 1999. Julie Roberts appeared on ABC's Good Morning America 2004. -2- Carl Butler of 'Carl & Pearl Butler' singer/songwriter, born Knoxville, TN 1927. Bobby Bobo, Midwestern Hayride WLW, born Brookfield, OH 1931. Carl Smith debuted on the charts with "Let's Live a Little" 1951. Del Reeves released "Cool Drool," 1958. Clarence "Tom" Ashley, age 71, Traditional Bluegrass/Vocals/Banjo, died 1967. Marty Robbins released "I Can't Say Goodbye/Hello Daily News" 1969. Capitol Records released Buck Owens' album "Buck Owens In London" 1969. The Indian Springs Bluegrass Festival debuted in Maryland in 1972. Waylon Jennings topped the charts with "Luckenbach, Texas" 1977. Conway Twitty's "Don't Call Him A Cowboy" was #1 in 1985. Travis Tritt hospitalized in Nashville, after collapsing in a recording studio. He was treated for severe exhaustion and dehydration 1995. Alabama released their album "The Essential" 1998. Liberty Records released Suzy Bogguss's "Nobody Love, Nobody Gets Hurt" 1998. Helen Carter, age 70, died Nashville, TN 1998. She was the daughter of Mother Maybelle Carter, and sister of June Carter Cash. BNA released John Anderson's album "The Essential" 1998. Adolph Hofner, Western Swing pioneer, died in San Antonio, TX 2000. -3- Cowboy Loye born 'Loye Donald Pack' singer/songwriter/guitarist in Nashville, TN 1900. Tommy Leffew, mandolinist for the "Fruit Jar Drinkers," born 1905. Curly Williams, Western Swing/fiddler/songwriter born Cairo, GA 1914. Tex Looney, radio star/recording artist, born 1919. Boots Randolph born 'Homer Louis Randolph' Paducah, KY 1927. Bob Wills topped the charts with "New Spanish Two Step" 1946. Frederick "Too Slim" Labour, of "Riders In the Sky," born Grand Rapids, MI 1948. Hank Williams gave his final performance on the Louisiana Hayride, prior to moving to Nashville in 1949. Elvis Presley graduated from Hume H.S. in Memphis, 1953. The Midwest Hayride debuted on WLW-TV in Cincinnati, OH 1955. George Jones's "She Thinks I Still Care" is #1 in 1962. Jamie O'Neal, born "Jamie Murphy" in Sydney, Australia 1968. Donna Fargo's "The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A." went to #1 in 1972. Billy Wallace, singer/songwriter, died Huntsville, AL 1978. Elvis Presley's Graceland in Memphis, TN, opened as a tourist attraction 1982. Reba McEntire married Narvel Blackstock, her guitar player, in Lake Tahoe, NV 1989. Willie Nelson released his album "Who'll Buy My Memories - The IRS Tapes" in 1991. Money raised by the sale of this album, would go to the IRS to pay off the sixteen million dollar tax debt that Willie owed. Wally Fowler, age 77, died in 1994. Member Grand Ole Opry. Van Stoneman, age 78, "Stoneman Family," died 1995. Wynonna stalker Randall Dee Kimbrough, age 39, was arrested for trespassing on Wynonna Judd's property 1997. Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw were arrested in Buffalo, NY in 2000. Chesney was charged with Disorderly Conduct. McGraw was charged with second-degree assault and resisting arrest. Capitol Records released Trace Adkins album "Greatest Hits Collection, Vol.1 2003. -4- Texas Ruby born "Ruby Owens," Wise County, TX 1910. Bill Mack, the "Midnight Cowboy," born Shamrock, TX 1929. Pee Wee King debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1937. Freddy Fender, singer/songwriter/guitarist, born "Baldemar O. Huerta," San Benito, TX 1937. Linda Martell born Thelma Bynem in Lexington County, SC 1941. Linda was the first black female vocalist to perform at the Grand Ole Opry, and she made a total of twelve guest appearances. Capitol Records began sending out "promotional" copies of records to radio announcers around the U.S. 1942. Gene Autry recorded "South of the Border/When It's Round Time In Heaven" 1946. Johnny Bond recorded "The Daughter of Jole Blon" 1947. Gene Vincent's "Be-Bop-A-lula" was released 1956. Bill Morrison recorded "Baby Be Good," at TNT Studio's in San Antonio, TX 1960. Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner, performed together for the last time on the Grand Ole Opry in 1974. Clark Kessinger of the Kessinger Brothers died 1975. Alabama debuted June Jam in Fort Payne, AL 1982. Alabama's #1 single "The Closer You Get" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 1983. The Johnny Cash Show toured Australia from the 4th through the 17th in 1985. The Oak Ridge Boys single "It Takes A Little Rain (To Make Love Grow)" was #1 in 1987. Zeke Clement, age 82, died in Nashville 1994. Tim McGraw's "Don't Take The Girl" topped the charts 1994. Rounder released Rosie Flores' "Honky Tonk Reprise" 1996. John Hartford, age 63, singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist died 2001. Lew Houston-Childrea, steel guitarist for Conway Twitty, died in Missouri in 2001. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Alan in “Love” With New Single Alan Jackson declares that he loves the new version of his current single, “A Woman’s Love,” which he had previously recorded for another album. May 29, 2007 – Alison Krauss produced the remade track for Alan’s CD Like Red on a Rose, and Alan admits that he had to get the older version out of his head. “I had to drown out . . . the old way that I wrote it and we recorded it the first time on that other album,” he tells Neil Haislop’s Nashville IQ. “But now, I’m used to the way she cut it, and . . . I mean I loved the cut right after she did it. That piano solo on there—that’s one of my favorites on the whole record.” Alan’s new version of “A Woman’s Love” is currently in the Top 10 on the Billboard Country Songs chart. **** Amy's Kitchen **** Deviled Egg Potato Salad 9 hard boiled eggs, peeled 1/2 c. chopped onions 1/4 c. shredded pimentos 1/4 c. shredded green pepper 1/2 c. mustard 1 tbsp. salt 6 c. boiled potatoes, cubed 1/2 c. shredded dill pickles 1/4 c. shredded celery 1 c. mayonnaise 1 tbsp. paprika Cut 6 boiled eggs in half; remove yolk. Place yolks in bowl and mix with 1 teaspoon pickles, 1 teaspoon mustard, 1 tablespoon mayonnaise, dash of salt; stiff eggs with the yolk mixture. Set eggs aside. Mix potatoes with remaining ingredients. Add eggs (flaked with fork) last. Top with paprika and arrange deviled eggs around top of salad for decorative look. ~&~ Shrimp Jalapeno Poppers 1 large can (approximately 28 ounces) whole Jalapeno peppers Vegetable oil for frying For the filling: 1 pound cooked shrimp, chopped 2 tablespoons finely chopped onion 1 / 4 teaspoon salt 1 / 4 teaspoon black pepper 1 / 8 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 garlic clove, minced 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese Breading: 1 cup flour 1 / 4 teaspoon salt 1 / 4 teaspoon pepper 1 cup milk 2 eggs 1 cup dried bread crumbs Cut the peppers in half lengthwise. Discard pulp and seeds and rinse carefully. In a large mixing bowl, combine filling ingredients. Stuff pepper halves with the filling. Put the stuffed peppers in a single layer on a baking sheet and place in the freezer to firm up (30-40 minutes). To make the breading, combine the flour, salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Place the milk in another bowl, and whisk the eggs into the milk until well-blended. Place the bread crumbs in a third bowl. Remove the peppers from the freezer and roll in the flour. Then dip each one in the milk and egg mixture, and finally into the bread crumbs to coat thoroughly. (Repeat process if not coated enough, or if you desire more coating.) Place the breaded peppers back on the baking sheet and once again into the freezer for 30-40 minutes. Fry in oil at approximately 365 degrees, or until golden brown. Drain on paper towels. **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas on the web and from my readers. All
are believed to be public
domain . If you hold copyright on
any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit,
or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&& |
