|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
TUESDAY JUNE 5,2007
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: If a man has enough "horse sense"
to treat his wife
like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old
nag.....Hmmm
On a Sunday morning, our country
church received a call telling us that the cows belonging to Matt, a vacationing
parishioner, were out of their pasture. A group of volunteers was formed, and
they went off to retrieve the cows and close the fence gate. They returned just
as the service ended. The next week at church, Matt thanked everyone for their
care and help. But he was, he said, surprised to find 20 extra cows in his
pasture.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two,
I lamented to my husband, "I'm
fat." And right on cue he said what all good
husbands must: "You're not
fat." To support his position, he added, "Just
look around you at
others, and you will see that you are not fat." But our
daughter, a high
schooler, saw through it: "Mom, he's grading you on the
curve!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There has never yet been a
fisherman who could keep both hands
in his pockets while describing the one
that got away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two ladies were
sitting in the living room, waiting for their
hostess, who was slightly
delayed. The daughter of the family was with
them, on the theory that she
would keep the visitors occupied during the
wait.
The child was about
six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed
and bespectacled. She
maintained a deep silence and the two ladies
peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of them muttered to the other,
"Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I
fear," carefully spelling the 'key' word.
Whereupon the child piped
ups,
"But awful s-m-a-r-t."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like
a doughnut: you're either in the dough or in the
hole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exercise of the brain is as important as
exercise of the muscles. As we
grow older, it's important that we keep
mentally alert. The saying: "If
you don't use it, you will lose it" also
applies to the brain.
Below is a very private way to gage your loss or
non-loss of
intelligence. So take the following test presented here and
determine if
you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax,
clear your
mind and . . . begin.
1. What do you put in a
toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and
go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread", go
to
question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do
cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not
attempt the
next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may
even
overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with
reading
something more appropriate such as "Children's World! ". If you
said,
"water" then proceed to question three.
3. If a red house is
made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink
house is made from pink bricks and a black house
is made from black bricks,
what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said "green bricks",
what the heck are you still doing here reading
these questions? If you
said "glass", then go on to question four.
4.
Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you will
recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and
East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
fail. The pilot,
realizing that the last remaining engine is also
failing, decides on a crash
landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine
fails before he has time and the
plane crashes smack in the middle of
"no man's land" between East Germany and
West Germany. Where would you
bury the survivors - East Germany ! or West
Germany or in "no man's
land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury
survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER
try to rescue anyone from a
plane crash. Your efforts would not be
appreciated. If you said, "Don't
bury the survivors" then proceed to the next
question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every
minute
then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one
hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other
than
"one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but
you
are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the
room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a
calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In
London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading,
six people get off the bus and
nine people get on. In Swindon, two
people get off and four get on. In
Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get
off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get
on. You then arrive at
Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus
driver?
Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU, Read the first
line!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a special dinner to
celebrate a team accomplishment, we were each served our plates of elegant
cuisine. A few of us had ordered ostrich and were being harassed for our
selection. "You know about beef, and you know about chicken, but what do you
know about ostrich?" asked one of our colleagues. "We know that ostriches are
fast," I said, exhausting my knowledge of the bird. Picking up a morsel of his
ostrich meat, my husband added, "Not fast
enough."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Middle age is when you are warned to
slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If
men got pregnant, maternity leave would last a year with full pay,
there
would be a cure for stretch marks, and morning sickness
would be the
nation's number-one health problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Acquiring a
large vocabulary is easy," said a high school instructor.
"By using a word
ten times, you can make it your very own for life,"
In the back of the room
a young girl quietly intoned, "Marvin, Marvin,
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin,
Marvin, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Q: Why
can you only have two doors on a chicken coup?
A: If it had four it would
be a chicken sedan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two little ol' ladies were
attending a rather long Sunday
church service. One lady leaned over and
whispered, "My butt has gone to sleep."
Her friend said, "I know. I've
heard it snore at least 3 times!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halfway through the
baseball season, one of the youngsters I coach still hadn't been on base. But in
one game he finally managed to reach first base. Two batters later he was
standing on third. I thought it would be a good time to review some theory. I
leaned over and asked him to tell me which base he was on. He looked intently
across at first base, turned to observe second and then stared down at his feet.
He looked up at me triumphantly and announced, "This
one!"
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The Lone
Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and
sat down to drink a Beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in
and said "W ho Owns the big white
horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
"I do....Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and
Said, "I just
thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The
Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was<
/SPAN> ready to
die from heat exhaustion The Lone Ranger got
the horse water and soon Silver was
starting to feel a little better. The Lone
Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around
Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make
Him start to feel
better." Tonto said, "Sure,
Kemosabe" and took off running circles
around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, th e Lone Ranger
returned to the saloon
to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts
into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The
Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with
him this
time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
(...I JUST LOVE THIS PART...) (...This is Really pretty
good...)
"Nothing, but you left your injun
runnin"
BABS
**** Reader's Submissions
****
Chicken Soup
for the Veteran's Soul
by: Bill Greer
A butcher watching over
his shop is really surprised when he saw a
dog coming inside the shop. He
shoos him away. But later, the dog is
back again.
So, he goes over
to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it
reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of
lamb, please. The dog has money
in his mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold,
there is a ten dollar
Note there. So he takes the money and puts the
sausages and lamb in
a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so
impressed,
and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut up shop and
follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street
when he comes To
a level crossing.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps
up and presses the button. Then he
waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the
lights to turn. They do, and
he walks across the road, with the butcher
following him all the
way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the
timetable.
The butcher is in awe at this
stage. The dog checks out the times,
and then sits on one of the seats
provided. Along comes a bus. The
dog walks around to the front, looks at the
number, and goes back to
his seat.
Another bus comes. Again the dog
goes and looks at the number,
notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The
butcher, by now, open-
mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus
travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog
Looking at the
scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the
front of the bus. He stands
on 2 back paws and pushes the button to
stop the bus. Then he gets off, his
groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along
the road, and then the dog
turns into a house. He walks up the path, and
drops the groceries on
the step.
Then he walks back down the path,
takes a big run, and throws
himself against the door. He goes back down the
path, runs up to the
door and again, it throws himself against it. There's
no answer at
the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a
narrow
wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the
window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back,
jumps
off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the
door, and starts abusing
the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing
at him.
The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name
are
You doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of
me!" to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the
second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Reflection:
Looks like some, people will never be satisfied with what
they've
got.
When it comes to the work place, Employers do not know
how to
appreciate their people who have served them loyally through the
years. I've seen companies lose good people for the simple fact
their
leaders failed to show appreciation. Employers with big egos
enjoy the fact
that they have more power and authority than others.
They show, in the way
they give orders and directions, that they
think they are superior. They get
a kick out of displaying this
superiority. People who do this are fools, and
everyone but them
knows it. They are never satisfied because they could not
be
satisfied even if their people perform well.
They don't listen to
the opinion and ideas of their subordinates.
Why? Because of their
stupid pride and insecurity.
People of this kind will never be
satisfied. Why? Because they are
so busy wrapped up in themselves and, fact
is, the self can never be
satisfied. Happy and productive people are always
those who
are "others-centered" rather than "self- centered." The greatest
idea of leadership is not someone who throws his weight around.
Rather,
he is a servant. As Bible would say, "He who wish to be a
leader should
first be a servant."
His joy is derived from delivering a job that
others benefit from
his contribution. Aim for service and success will
follow.
**** ON THIS DAY
****
FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP FOR ME....
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their
foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or
religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into
the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see
whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel
in the United
States. If nothing is there, he must take a job
in India answering telephones giving
technical advice.
NORM
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes Please
Help
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a
minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free
(pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"
for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers
use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it
along to people you
know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@joink.com
subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS
****
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|
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By Jenna Fryer, AP Auto Racing Writer
For Bill France Jr., it was never about fame or
fortune. Everything he did -- helping build Daytona International
Speedway, moving the annual awards banquet to New York City and
negotiating the first billion-dollar TV contract -- he did with NASCAR's
best interests at heart.
His decisions weren't always popular, and they often
rankled competitors. With his sharp tongue and an iron fist, France never
wavered, pushing NASCAR beyond its small-time Southern roots into a
nationwide billion-dollar conglomerate.
Diagnosed with cancer in 1999, France had been in
poor health for much of the last decade. He died Monday at his Daytona
Beach, Fla., home. He was 74.
"He had a remarkable career and an even more
remarkable life," said his son, Brian France, who replaced him as chairman
in 2003. "Words cannot express how much he'll be missed by myself and the
rest of our family and by the NASCAR industry overall."
Fiercely protective of the family business during his
31 years as NASCAR chairman, France earned a well-deserved reputation as a
benevolent dictator. He was in charge -- like it or not -- as he quickly
reminded dissenters. And when the arguing ended, even his harshest critics
agreed NASCAR would be the better for France's efforts.
"I've never seen anyone who could strike the balance
that Bill did. He knew exactly what he wanted to accomplish and rarely
compromised, yet always made it a point to be fair," said team owner Rick
Hendrick. "We've lost a strong leader, a visionary businessman and a truly
amazing person."
Monday afternoon, the Nextel Cup series was racing at
Dover International Speedway, and officials there lowered the flag to
half-staff in Victory Lane in France's memory.
"There's not enough words to describe what he's meant
to this sport and what he's done for it," said two-time series champion
Tony Stewart. "I guarantee it's the biggest loss in racing since Dale
Earnhardt, and it's probably bigger."
Dale Earnhardt Jr., a third-generation NASCAR star,
called France's passing a "profound loss for the sport."
"He's the one probably most responsible for the state
of our sport today," NASCAR's most popular driver said. "He's one of those
giants, very intimidating to me. I didn't know him well, but my dad was
close with him. And I know that made my dad very proud to get close to
someone that not a lot of others did."
France's last public appearance was Feb. 12 in
Daytona Beach, where NASCAR's top names gathered to "Roast and Toast" him
at the Bill France Hot Dog Dinner.
Even there, especially there, he called the
shots.
His toasters were gently reminded to avoid any harsh
roasting. France did not speak during the dinner but received guests from
his seat on the banquet floor.
In between bites of his beloved Pulliams hot dog --
he was notorious for his love of the franks from Winston-Salem, N.C., --
he uttered his standard response when asked how he was doing.
"I'm on the right side of the grass," the irascible
France said, "and there aren't any roots growing out of my ass."
That acerbic wit was a staple of his autocratic
tenure.
France became chairman in 1972, replacing his father,
NASCAR founder William Henry Getty France, who retired 25 years after
forming the National Association for Stock Car Racing.
"When they announced he was going to take over
NASCAR, I kind of started looking for another job, because I didn't think
he could pull it off. I was wrong," said Junior Johnson, one of NASCAR's
first stars who won 50 races. "He did a better job than his father did,
and he succeeded in every aspect of it."
France prepped for the job by doing a little bit of
everything during his rise through racing's grass roots.
His father put Bill Jr. in charge of crowd control at
one of the early 1950s beach races at Daytona Beach. It was a difficult
situation -- there seemed to be no way to fence in the beach area and keep
people from walking in without buying tickets. But young France had
learned some lessons from his dad about ingenuity.
"We put up signs in the scrub areas along the road
that said 'Beware of snakes' and funneled people through out gates. It
worked out pretty good," France said.
He also was a flagman, sold concessions, parked cars,
scored races, promoted events and even helped in the construction of
Daytona International Speedway.
France worked 12 hours a day, seven days a week as he
drove a compactor, bulldozer and grader in the 13 months it took to build
the track. He once even tried to use a mule to pull trees out of the
swamps, because the motorized equipment kept getting stuck.
When he took over NASCAR, he inherited a sport rich
in Southern traditions but mostly unknown everywhere else.
"His dad started it, got it up and running, and
Junior took it and put the people together to take it from a southern
sport to a national sport," said Richard Petty, a seven-time NASCAR
champion. "He was there where it was developed with the TV, when it was
developed with the new cars, where it was developed from half-mile dirt
tracks to superspeedways.
"You just look at the popularity and look at the
people and look at the money involved -- he must have done a heck of a job
at it."
Before France's tenure began, the few races that made
it onto TV were shown in snippets on shows such as ABC's "Wide World of
Sports." Within six years, France had a deal with CBS Sports to televise
the 1979 Daytona 500 from flag to flag.
The race received huge ratings, with Richard Petty
winning after Donnie Allison and Cale Yarborough crashed on the final lap.
Allison and his brother, Bobby, then fought with Yarborough on live
TV.
It led to more coverage, and in 1999, NASCAR finally
packaged the entire circuit together in a $2.4 billion contract that
awarded races to Fox, NBC and TNT that began in 2001.
"Bill France Jr. truly defined the often misused term
'legend,'" Fox Sports chairman David Hill said.
Ailing, France, who had a mild heart attack in 1997,
relinquished his role as NASCAR president to Mike Helton and handed off
chairman duties to son Brian in 2003.
"The good thing is he built a family-oriented sport
that has a lot of depth and a lot of strength to it," Helton said. "It
will go on. It will go on non-stop, and that's the greatest tribute to
Bill France."
It wasn't always smooth between father and son,
evidenced by an awkward moment during a 2003 news conference to announce
NASCAR's shift into nontraditional markets. Brian represented NASCAR that
day, with his father squirming in the audience.
Frustrated with Brian's presentation, France stood up
and without a microphone awkwardly interrupted to emphasize a point he
didn't think Brian was making clear enough.
As the crowd chuckled at "Bill just being Bill,"
Brian twisted uncomfortably on the stage.
"I told him I was disappointed that he thought he
needed to make his point at that time," Brian France later said.
Eight months later, though, France lauded his son as
he handed him the reins.
"I've got total confidence in what Brian can do,"
France Jr. said. "He's loaded with street smarts."
France's daughter, Lesa France Kennedy, runs
International Speedway Corp., the owner and operator of most of the major
U.S. race tracks. His younger brother, Jim, is the executive vice
president of NASCAR and vice chairman of ISC.
France also is survived by his wife, Betty Jane, and
three grandchildren. Funeral arrangements are
pending. | **** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****
-5-
William Boyd a.k.a. Hopalong Cassidy, born Cambridge, OH
1895.
Albert Green Hopkins, of "The Hill Billies" born Gap Creek, NC
1889.
Ira Stripling, of the "Stripling Brothers" born Pickens County,
AL 1898.
Harold John Breau, of Lone Pine & Betty Cody" born Pea Cove,
ME 1916.
Al Gallico, publisher, born Brooklyn, NY 1919.
Jerry "Carrot Top" Dykes born 1927.
Yodelin' Tommy Floyd born 1935.
Pee Wee King debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1937.
The Grand Ole Opry moved for the fourth time in nine years,
leaving the "War Memorial Auditorium" for the "Ryman Auditorium," in
1943. The Opry remained at the "Mother Church of Country Music," for the
next thirty-one years.
Don Reid "Statler Brothers," born Staunton, VA 1945.
The Hayloft Hoedown debuted on ABC-TV 1948.
Gail Davies singer/songwriter, born "Patricia Gail Dickerson,"
Broken Bow, OK 1948.
Elvis Presley appeared on Milton Berle's TV Show Texaco Star
Theatre 1956.
Carl Perkins' recording of "Blue Suede Shoes" topped the charts
1956.
Bob Dylan "Bob Zimmerman" graduated from High School in Hibbing,
MN 1959.
Brenda Lee's single "I'm Sorry" charted 1960.
John Y. "Lonzo," Sullivan, age 48, of "Lonzo and Oscar," died
1967.
Marla Suzanne Cox, "Cox Family," born Springhill, LA 1967.
Max Terhune, WLS Barn Dance/Western movies, died Cottonwood, AZ
1973.
"Urban Cowboy," premiered in Houston, TX in 1980.
Marty Robbins released "One Man's Trash/I Can't Wait Until
Tomorrow" 1980.
Alabama's #1 single "Take Me Down" debuted on Billboard's Top 40
1982.
Conway Twitty, age 59, died near Branson, Mo. in 1993.
Inducted NSHF 1993. CMHF 1999.
Nashville's world famous "Bluebird Cafe" celebrated its
21st anniversary in 2001.
Gary Allan and Angela Forsythe were married 2001.
CMT presented the 32nd Annual Fan Fair, in downtown Nashville,
June 5th through June 8th, 2003. Beginning in 2004 this event was
renamed the CMA Music Festival.
Dwight Yoakam, honored with a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame
in 2003.
Tracy Lawrence's Homecoming Weekend Concert was held in his hometown of
Foreman, AR 2004. Also appearing on the show were Rhett Atkins, David
Kersh, Daryle Singletary and Chad Brock.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Tracy Lawrence's Very Best Due July
10
The Very Best of Tracy Lawrence will be released
July 10
by Rhino Records, collecting all of his Top 10
hits
between 1991 to 2004. The album includes six No. 1
singles
as well as "Renegades, Rebels and Rogues" from
1994's
Maverick soundtrack. Lawrence now records for his
own
label, Rocky Comfort. His current single, "Find Out
Who
Your Friends Are," is a Top 10 hit on Billboard's
country
airplay chart
****
Amy's Kitchen ****
Baked Flounder
Filets
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 teaspoon salt
4
fillets of flounder or delicate white fish (about 2 pounds)
2 cups sour
cream
Place butter in bottom of shallow baking dish. Arrange fillets in
bottom of
baking dish. Salt generously and spread sour cream over entire
surface.
Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes or until fish can be flaked with
a fork.
Serve directly from dish, as fish will break up on
removal.
****
TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
What's the difference between true
north and magnetic north?
True north is a constant and refers to
the geographic North Pole. Magnetic north tends to shift and refers to the pole
of the Earth's magnetic field. In mid 2004, true north and magnetic north were
approximately 600 miles apart.
The poles of the Earth's magnetic field are
different from its geographic poles. Maps are aligned along true north, so
hikers have to make adjustments when navigating by compass.
In
navigation, the difference between true north and magnetic north is known as
declination. All U.S. Geological Survey maps print relevant declination
information, and the maps are updated every five years to account for shift.
Hikers traveling in Northern California, for instance, have to make declination
adjustments of roughly 18 degrees.
The Earth's magnetic field stems from
its molten metallic core, much of which is iron. Iron is a fairly common
element, since it can't be burned off during the fiery formation of stars. Iron
is magnetic because its inner electron shells are slightly unstable.
****A
PARTING THOUGHT ****
Have you
noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents.
LAST CALL
Y'ALL
Mrs. Goldfarb, rather advanced
in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first
time. the psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, "Mrs. Goldfarb, with your
permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more
rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and
during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you
understand me? Just think of sex. When I come back I will ask you what you have
thought and we can proceed from there."
In half an hour, he was back.
"Well, Mrs. Goldfarb, have you been thinking of sex?"
"Yes, doctor," she
said.
"And what have you been thinking?"
"I've been thinking," she
said, "that by me, Sex Fifth Avenue is not as good as
Macy's."
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others
we polygraph
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