|
From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome
to The Funnies
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
TGIF
FRIDAY JUNE ,2007
THOUGHT
FOR TODAY: "If it weren't for
Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television,we'd still be eating frozen radio
dinners." (Johnny Carson...1925 - 2005)
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle
the entire fixture no small feat for a non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was
a purple rubber dinosaur which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly
got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.
However, it didn't work much better than before. As I pondered what to do next,
David walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just
dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the
green one?" he asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You don't have to own a
cat to appreciate this one...
A couple was dressed and ready to go out
for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on
the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They
phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the
couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put
out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in
the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the
taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the
man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver
to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver
that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to
my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I
took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid heifer was hiding under the
bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to
take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to
keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and
threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked
car........
~~~~~~~~~~~NORM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning the phone rang at
3:00 a.m. in a blonde's house.
She picked up the phone and a man asked,
"Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." She replied.
"Oh, I'm
so sorry for disturbing you." The man said.
"That's alright," said, "I
had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
Little
Christopher, playing in front of his house, saw him and called out. .
.
"What've you got in your truck?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer
replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked Chris
"Put it
on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," Chris
advised him. . .
"We put sugar and cream on
ours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lawyer was on his deathbed in
his bedroom, and he called to his wife.
She rushed in and said, "What is it,
honey?"
He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a
religious woman,
she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it,
prepared to read him his favorite
verse or something of the sort. He
snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages,
his eyes darting right
and left. The wife was curious.
"What are you doing, honey?" she
asked.
"I'm looking for loopholes!" he
shouted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd always been apprehensive about
joining a chat room for fear I'd do
something wrong. One day after my son,
Sean, had gotten off the
computer, I logged on to the Internet to play a
game. Suddenly a screen
popped up saying, "Your friend is online." Apparently
Sean had
forgotten to sign off, and I took the opportunity to chat with
someone I
probably knew. Sean's friend assumed he was still chatting with
Sean,
and I was having fun with the situation. After a few minutes,
however,
Sean's friend typed:
"Who is this?"
"Why do you ask that?" I
responded.
The reply came across the screen: "Because Sean doesn't spell
that
good."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In search of a new shower for our
home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store.
We discussed our
needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail
our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final
decision.
Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where
the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a
waitress.
As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called
to me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a
shower!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was John's turn to drive carpool into
town on a day when a new member
was travelling along for the first time. As
they rode along he began to
be suspicious of his new carpooling
passenger.
John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of
his coat
that was on the seat between him and the new passenger, but....
it
wasn't there! Next, he slammed on the brakes, ordered the fellow
out,
and said,
"Hand over the wallet immediately!"
The
frightened carpooler handed over a billfold, and John droveoff,
leaving him
alone at the side of the road.
When he arrived home that evening, he
started to tell his wife about the
experience, but she interrupted him,
saying,
"Before I
forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at
home this
morning?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPER:
"The
monthly seniors' lunch will take place on Wednesday. It will be gin with
Mass at 11:30 a.m. followed by luncheon and
cards."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny called up his parents
from his college and asked for some
money, because he ran out. His mother
said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll send
you some money. You also left your calculus
book here when you visited 2
weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up
too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, OK," responded Little Johnny.
So his mother
wrapped the book along with two checks up in a package,
kissed her husband
goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the
money and the
book.
When she got back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you
give
Little Johnny this time?
She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for
$20, and the other for $1000"
"That's $1020!!!" yelled her husband, "Are
you crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," she said, as she kissed her husband on
the on top of
his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book,
but I
put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter
19!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Students who arrive late for school must
sign in at the office and pick up a late slip.
The excuses can be rather
creative, but this one should win an award:
"Policeman in front of
us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Louisiana State Department of Fish
and
Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen,
and golfers to take
extra precautions and keep
alert for alligators while in St. Tammany,
Jefferson
& Orleans Parish.
They advise people to wear
noise-producing
devices such as "little bells" on their clothing to
alert,
but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly.
They also advise the
carrying of "pepper spray"
in case of an encounter with an alligator. It's
also
a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator
activity and be
able to recognize the difference
between young alligator and adult alligator
droppings.
Young alligator droppings are small, contain fish
bones and
possibly bird feathers.
Adult alligators droppings have little bells in
them
and smell like pepper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While visiting
my friends, I asked their five-year-old, Robert, if he was excited about
attending kindergarten the next week and told him he'd have lots of fun, and the
teacher would teach him how to print. "Oh, I already know how to print" he said.
"But I can't do it right now because my computer isn't hooked up to the
printer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the fitness club my sister
belongs to, she spotted a sign-up
sheet posted on the bulletin board.
"Attention instructors and trainers,
" it read. "There will be a CPR renewal
session. Sign up if you have expired."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
roof of the chapel was leaking and the priest asked for volunteers to raise
funds for its repair. Mike offered his services. About a week later, the priest
met Mike who was straggling from side to side as a result of having imbibed too
freely. Mike was apologetic.
"I'm collecting for the roof, Father," he
said. "Every one of the neighbours I called on insisted on giving me a wee drop
after paying his subscription." The priest was shocked. "Are there no
teetotallers in the parish, Mike?"
"Oh, yes, to be sure," said Mike. "
I've written to them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My next-door
neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other.
Not long ago, when I
requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to
his son. Recalling a
saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited,
"You should never lend
anything to your kids, because you will never
get it back."
With that,
he
responded,
"Well,
it's not even my ladder. . .
It's my dad's!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
was sitting near the balcony door when I heard a thump outside. Looking out, I
saw a child's rubber ball on my balcony, so I went and picked it up. When I
glanced over the railing, I noticed a girl about five-years-old looking up at
me. "Is this yours?" I asked. "No," she replied hesitantly, then added, "but it
will be if you throw it back!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister in a
little church had been having trouble with the
collections.
One Sunday
he announced,
"Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to
request that
the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's henhouse
please
refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want
money
from a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around, and for
the first time in
months....
everybody
gave!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moe: One of my pigs was sick so I gave him some
sugar.
Joe: Sugar? What for?
Moe: Haven't you ever heard of
sugar-cured ham?
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
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**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
One
day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of
paper in
their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was
having trouble
with her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?" said the
teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," said the dumb jock. "Somebody went
through
and drew lines across all of the pages."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
You can join The Funnies
IT'S FREE
To subscribe, Click on link
below
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**** DIABETIC NEWS
****
FDA approves seven-day
glucose monitor
WASHINGTON - The U.S. Food and Drug
Administration Monday
approved a device that measures glucose
levels continuously
for up to seven days in people with
diabetes.
While a standard fingerstick test records a
person's
glucose level as a snapshot in time, the STS-7
Continuous
Glucose Monitoring System measures glucose levels
every
five minutes throughout a seven-day period. The FDA
said
that additional information can be used to track
patterns
in glucose levels throughout the week that wouldn't
be
captured by fingerstick measurements.
However, diabetics must still rely on the fingerstick test
to decide whether additional insulin is needed, the FDA
added.
The STS-7 System, manufactured by DexCom Inc. of
San Diego
uses a disposable sensor placed just below the skin in
the
abdomen to measure the level of glucose in the fluid
found
in the body's tissues. Sensor placement causes
minimal
discomfort and can easily be done by patients
themselves.
An alarm can be programmed to sound if a patient's
glucose
level reaches pre-set lows or pre-set highs.
A three-day version of the device was approved in March
2006.
Cord Blood Stem Cells
Produce Insulin
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Stem cells
taken from the umbilical
cords of newborns can be engineered to
produce insulin and
may someday be used to treat diabetes, U.S.
and British
researchers reported on Friday.
They said they were able to first grow large numbers of the
stem cells and then direct them to resemble the insulin-
producing cells of the pancreas that are damaged in
diabetes.
"This discovery tells us that we have the
potential to
produce insulin from adult stem cells to help
people with
diabetes," said Dr. Randall Urban of the University
of
Texas Medical Branch at Galveston, who directed the
study.
"It doesn't prove that we're going to be able to do
this
in people -- it's just the first step up the rung of
the
ladder," Urban added in a statement.
Writing in the journal Cell Proliferation, the researchers,
who included a team at Britain's University of Newcastle,
said they hope to eventually produce an alternative to
using
controversial embryonic stem cells.
In the United States,
Congress has been fighting over
whether to increase federal
funding of embryonic stem cell
research, with opponents saying
it is wrong to experiment
on human embryos and supporters saying
the work is needed
to transform many fields of
medicine.
REGENERATIVE MEDICINE
Most of the science aims to create a new field of
regenerative medicine in which stem cells from a patient's
blood are grown and tweaked in the laboratory and used to
replace defective or damaged blood or tissue.
Other
researchers are trying to learn how embryonic stem
cells give
rise to all the tissues and parts of the body,
while remaining
virtually immortal themselves, in the hope
of eventually coaxing
perhaps an ordinary skin cell to do
the same.
The researchers in Texas and Newcastle used human umbilical
cord blood because it is an especially rich source of mature
stem cells.
One big hope is to create new pancreatic
tissue for people
with diabetes. In type1 diabetes, the body no
longer
produces insulin because those cells have been
destroyed.
Stem cell expert Dr. Rudolf Jaenisch, of the
Whitehead
Institute in Cambridge, Massachusetts, said he
was
skeptical about the research.
"In the
past, these claims have been rather unconvincing,"
Jaenisch said
in a telephone interview.
He said people who have tried to
make insulin-producing
adult stem cells before have produced
very small amounts
of insulin, or have even been
mistaken.
Last week, Geron Corp. said it had transformed
human
embryonic stem cells into the pancreatic cells
that
produce insulin.
Copyright 2007 Reuters
Limited.
Diabetic Recipe
Mediterranean Chicken
Stew
(makes 4 servings)
vegetable cooking spray
2 whole bone-in chicken breasts,
2 pounds (960 g) total,
skinned and cut into
quarters
2 medium onions, 12 ounces (360 g) total,
sliced
2 large garlic cloves, minced
1 yellow or
red bell pepper, 6 ounces (180 g) seeded and
chopped
1 teaspoon (5 ml) turmeric
1/2 teaspoon
(2.5 ml) ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon (2.5 ml) ground
ginger
2 pounds (960 g) sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into
cubes
1 14 1/2-ounce (435 g) can no salt added diced
tomatoes,
drained
2 tablespoons (30 ml)
golden raisins
2 cups (480 ml) fat-free low-sodium canned
chicken broth
1. Lightly spray a covered nonstick pot with
cooking spray.
Add the chicken and brown over high
heat for 2 minutes,
turning chicken once. Lower the
heat and transfer the
chicken to a plate. Set
aside.
2. Add all remaining ingredients to the pot except
the
reserved chicken pieces. Bring to a simmer and
cook for
2 minutes.
3. Return
the chicken to the pot, cover, and simmer for 30
to
40 minutes, until the chicken is barely falling off
the bones.
4. Divide the sweet potatoes and chicken between
4 shallow
soup plates. Raise the heat under the pot
and reduce the
sauce for 2 minutes, stirring
constantly. Pour some of
the mixture over each
serving; serve at once.
Per serving: 429 calories (10%
calories from fat),
39
g protein, 5 g total fat (1.3 g saturated
fat), 58 g carbohydrate, 8 g dietary fiber,
90
mg cholesterol, 132 mg sodium
Exchanges: 4 lean meat, 3
carbohydrate (3 bread/starch),
3
vegetable
Copyright 1997-2007
Diabetic-Lifestyle
**** Reader's Submissions
****
FRED
This comes from Gene in New Mexico
... and well worth the read.
Think you will enjoy
it.
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같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같같�
This is an actual
letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Pennsylvania Department of
Environmental Quality, State of
Pennsylvania ..
This guy's response
is hilarious, but read the State's letter before
you get
to the
response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.
20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention
of the Department of Environmental
Quality that
there has been
recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel
of
property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor
who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance
of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.
A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
in
violation
of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of
1994, being
sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled
Laws,
annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of
the dams partially
failed during a recent rain eve nt, causing debris and
flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
orders
you to
cease and desist all activities at this location, and
to restore the
stream
to a free-flow condition by removing all wood
and brush forming the dams
from the stream channel. All restoration work
shall be completed no
later
than January 31, 2007.
Please
notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that
a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized
activity
on
the site may result in this case being referred for elevated
enforcement
action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if
you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District
Representative and Water Management Div
ision.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------
Here is the actual
response sent back by Mr. deVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified
letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond
to. I
am the
legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane ,
Trout
Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State
unauthorized) process of
constructing
and maintaining two wood
"debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
Spring
Pond. While I
did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project,
I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use
of
natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge
your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or
any place
you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you
could ever
match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity,
their dam persistence, the ir dam determination and/or their dam
work
ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are
aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this
type of dam
activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1)
Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you
require all beavers throughout this State to conform to
said
dam
request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular
beavers,
through the
Freedom of Information Act, I request
completed copies of all those
other
applicable beaver dam permits
that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see if
there really is a dam
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of
the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania
Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My
first concern is, aren't the beavers
entitled to
legal
representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute
and
are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have
to
provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either one
or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
causing
flooding, is
proof that this is a natural occurrence, which
the Department is
required to
protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone
rather than harassing them and calling
them dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow
condition please
contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them,
they
obviously
did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they
being unable to read
English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond
Beavers have a right to build
their
unauthorized dams as long as
the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water
flows downstream.
They have more dam rights than I do to live and e njoy
Spring Pond. If the
Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its
name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment
(Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam
case can be
referred
for more elevated enforcement action right
now. Why wait until
1/31/2007?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under
the dam ice then: and there will
be no
way for you or your dam
staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring
to your attention to a real
environmental quality, health problem in the
area. It is the bears!
Bears
are actually defecating in our woods.
I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave
the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch
your step! The
bears
are not careful where they dump!
Being
unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to
your
dam
office.
THANK YOU.
A Story To Live By
by Ann Wells,
Los Angeles Times
John
Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army
uniform, and
studied the crowd of people making their way through
Grand Central Station.
He looked for the girl whose heart he knew,
but whose face he didn't, the
girl with the rose. His interest in
her had begun thirteen months before in
a Florida library. Taking a
book off the shelf he found himself intrigued,
not with the words of
the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin.
The soft
handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the
front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss
Hollis
Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She
lived in New York
City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself
and inviting her to
correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas
for service in World War
II. During the next year and one month the
two grew to know each other
through the mail. Each letter was a seed
falling on a fertile heart. A
romance was budding. Blanchard
requested a photograph, but she refused. She
felt that if he really
cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When
the day finally
came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their
first
meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll
recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my
lapel."
So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose
heart he loved,
but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr.
Blanchard tell you what
happened:
A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim.
Her
blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were
blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her
pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward
her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose.
As I
moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my
way, sailor?"
she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step
closer to her, and then
I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing
almost directly behind the girl. A
woman well past 40, she had
graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was
more than plump, her
thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The
girl in the
green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was
split in
two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my
longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and
upheld
my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle
and sensible,
her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not
hesitate. My fingers
gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the
book that was to identify me
to her. This would not be love, but it
would be something precious,
something perhaps even better than
love, a friendship for which I had been
and must ever be grateful. I
squared my shoulders and saluted and held out
the book to the woman,
even though while I spoke I felt choked by the
bitterness of my
disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant
John Blanchard, and you
must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could
meet me; may I take you to
dinner?" The woman's face broadened into
a tolerant smile. "I don't know
what this is about, son," she
answered, "but the young lady in the green
suit who just went by,
she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she
said if you were
to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she
is
waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it
was some kind of test!" It's not difficult to understand and admire
Miss
Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its
response to the
unattractive.
"Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell
you who
you are..."
**** ON THIS DAY
****
My brother-in-law opened the
bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and
lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.
"This," he said, "is not a slip.
This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue
and handed me the slip. It
was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a
cobweb of lace. The
price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still
attached. "Jan
bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or
9 years
ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.
Well,
I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it
on
the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His
hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed
the
drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a
special
occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I
remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I
helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores
that follow an
unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane
returning to California
from the Midwestern town where my sister's
family lives. I thought about all
the things that she hadn't seen or
heard or done. I thought about the things
that she had done without
realizing that they were special. I'm still
thinking about his words,
and they've changed my life.
I'm reading
more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and
admiring
the view
without fussing about the weeds in the garden.
I'm spending more time
with my family and friends and less time in
committee meetings. Whenever
possible, life should be a pattern of
experience to savor, not endure. I'm
trying to recognize these
moments
now and cherish them.
I'm not
"saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for
every
special
event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the
first camellia
blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory
is
if
I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag
of
groceries without wincing.
I'm not saving my good perfume for
special parties; clerks in
hardware
stores and tellers in banks have
noses that function as well as my
party-going friends'.
"Someday" and
"one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth
seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see
and
hear and do it now. I'm not
sure what my sister would have done had
she known that she wouldn't be here
for the tomorrow we all take for
granted.
It's those little things
left undone that would make me angry if I
knew
that my hours were
limited. Angry because I put off seeing good
friends
whom I was going to
get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters
that I intended to write-one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't
tell my husband and daughter often
enough
how much I truly love
them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything
that
would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when
I
open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every
minute,
every breath truly is...a gift from God.
by Ann Wells in the Los Angeles
Times
**** HEADS
UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a
minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free
(pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"
for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers
use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it
along to people you
know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@joink.com
subject
Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR
SPORTS NEWS ****
Bombardier Learjet
550k
Race 7 of
17
Saturday, June 9
Fort Worth, Texas
2006 Winner: Helio Castroneves
Distance: 228 laps/342 miles
TV: 10 p.m. on
ESPN2
Worldwide TV: Download Listings �
Radio: IMS Radio
Network �
indycar.com Simulcast �
XM IndyCar Series Racing Channel 145 and
XM Sports Nation
Channel 144
Race times are Eastern and subject to
change.
**** COUNTRY
CALENDAR ****
-8-
Adolf Hofner, guitarist/vocalist/bandleader, born Moulton, TX
1916.
Monte Hale, Singing Cowboy/actor, born San Angelo, TX 1921.
Clyde Beavers, singer/disc jockey born Teenega, GA 1932.
Mack Vickery, singer/songwriter, born Town Creek, AL 1938.
The Coon Creek Girls gave a command performance at the White
House for King George VI and Queen Elizabeth of England 1939.
Vernon Oxford, singer/songwriter/musician, born Rogers, AR
1941.
Tony Rice, guitarist, born Danville, VA 1951.
Eddy Arnold released "The Tennessee Stud," 1959.
Stonewall Jackson's #1 single "Waterloo," charted 1959.
Johnny Cash's #1 single "Ring Of Fire," charted 1963.
Lester Flatt Day was declared in the State Of Tennessee in
1963.
Alton Delmore, age 55, of the Delmore Brothers, died Huntsville,
AL 1964. Inducted Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame 1971.
Wynn Stewart topped the charts with "It's Such A Pretty World
Today" 1967.
Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You," went to #1 in 1974.
Mickey Gilley's "Window Up Above" was #1 in 1975.
Waylon Jennings' "Lucille" topped the charts 1983.
Roba Stanley, age 76, nicknamed "The First Country Sweetheart,"
died in Gainesville, FL 1986. Roba was the first female country music
recording artist (Okeh Records) 1924-1926.)
Anne Murray and husband Bill Langstroth, legally separated,
after 23 years of marriage in 1998.
Tommy Perkins, age 69, drummer for Bob Wills, died in an
automobile accident in 2003.
Bill Lowery, music publisher, past president of the Country
Music Foundation, died 2004.
-9-
Les Paul, Grammy Award-winning guitarist, born Waukesha, WI
1915.
Herb Remington, steel guitarist/bass/composer, member of Bob
Wills' Texas Playboys, born Mishawaka, IN 1926.
William Cox, "Cox Family," born Cotton Valley, LA 1937.
Stoney Cooper and Wilma Lee Leary married 1941.
Hank Thompson's "The Wild Side Of Life" was #1 1952.
Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line," charted 1956.
The Everly Brothers "All I have To Do Is Dream," topped the
charts in 1958.
Hank Locklin topped the charts with "Please Help Me, I'm
Falling" 1960.
Marty Robbins released "Hawaii's Calling Me/ Ka-lu-a" 1962.
John Denver and Annie Martell were married 1967.
Johnny Rodriquez's "You Always Come Back," went to #1 in
1973.
Johnny Cash went #1 with "One Piece At A Time" 1976.
Merle Haggard topped the charts with "Someday When Things Are
Good" 1984.
BNA released John Anderson's album "Solid Ground" 1993.
Sony released Johnny Cash's album "VH-1 Storytellers" 1998.
Warner Bros. released Bela Fleck's "Left of Cool" album
1998.
King released David Allan Coe's "Johnny Cash Is a Friend of
Mine" 1998.
Gretchen Wilson's album "Here For The Party" topped the charts 2004.
****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Kenny Chesney names new disc
Thursday, June 7, 2007 � A week
ago, country music superstar Kenny Chesney disclosed he was about to release a
new single from an upcoming album. Now the disc has a name - "Just Who I Am:
Poets & Pirates." The first single is "Never Wanted Nothing More." A press
release said that the song rests at 37th on the charts in less than 57 hours
after its release.
"It's crazy," Chesney sais of the response. "You
know, when you're making a record, you're so isolated in the studio, you sort of
lose perspective... and for me, you know, when I was looking at something to
give people a taste of what this record is, well, there's so much of it, I knew
I couldn't do it all - so I went with something country, something tempo,
something everybody is likely to be experiencing right now!
"There's no exact science, so you never know.
That's why I went with something that felt good and is kinda where I come
from... and I guess people are liking it. And just think, we've got so much more
ground to cover with this record."
Chesney once again worked with co-producer Buddy
Cannon. Songwriters include Ronnie Bowman, Chris Stapleton, Don Schilitz, Brett
James, Scooter Carusoe, Bill Anderson and Jon Randall.
No release date was set for the album, the
follow-up to Chesney's triple platinum "The Road & The Radio," his fourth
album to debut at number 1 on Billboard's all-genre Top 200 Albums.
"It's amazing what you learn about life even when
you're on the road, and looking at the world through a bus window," Chesney
explains. "Our fans bring their whole life to our shows - and even though they
come to party and have a good time, you can see it on their faces when you sing
'There Goes My Life' or 'Anything But Mine'... and I hang onto everything I see.
Guess that's the songwriter in me, huh?"
Chesney heads to Columbus, Ohio tonight for his
2007 Fli-Flop Summer Tour presented by Cruzan Rum. He then heads then to
Pittsburgh's Heinz Field on Saturday, June 9th, for his first NFL Stadium show.
Other stadiums shows are in the Boston area, Cleveland, Detroit, Philadelphia
and Seattle.
"One thing about my fans: they like to get
outside, they like to tailgate and the like to have fun. For me and the guys, we
couldn't want nothing more."
Country Music Festival gets ready to start
Thursday
Wednesday, June 6, 2007 �
The 2007 Country Music Association Fest is set to begin Thursday and continue
through Sunday with an assortment of concerts, interviews and the chance for
fans to meet their favorite country acts face to face.
Several pre-festival events already have occurred
including a fundraiser by Chely Wright to raise money for reading programs. Many
other artists are involved in various events prior to the start.
On Thursday, the Music City Rising Star Vocal Competition
will be held along with the Chevy Music Tour. Performing there will be Bobby
Pinson, Greg Hanna, Con Hunley, Kyle Wyley, Beverly Mitchell and Jedd Hughes.
The Country Kickstart show features Terri Clark, Craig
Morgan, John Anderson, Jamie O'Neal and Chris Young.
The Acoustic Corner presented by Mary Kay will include
Cadillac Sky, Don Campbell, Rhonda Towns, Timothy Craig, Rachel Williams and
TelluRide.
During that time, the Dr. Pepper Mega Music show will be
held with participants Julie Roberts, Jake Owen, Catherine Britt, Blaine Larsen,
Gene Watson and Danielle Peck.
Trace Adkins, Terri Clark and Josh Turner will be
interviewed by GAC's Lorianne Crook during the afternoon.
Eric Church, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Bucky Covington, Trent
Tomlinson, Whisky Falls, and Ty Herndon will participants in the Complete
Country show during the afternoon s well.
A separate show in the late afternoon will include
performances by Darryl Worley, Povertyneck Hillbillies, Sarah Buxton, Kevin
Sharp, Little Texas and Neal McCoy.
Crook will participate in another round of interviews
with Neal McCoy, Montgomery Gentry and Charley Pride.
Andy Griggs will once again host a celebrity archery
tournament, including such singers as Craig Morgan, Blake Shelton, Tracy Byrd,
Ty England and Neil Thrasher.
Each night will feature a major concert. Thursday's
nights show includes Trace Adkins, Dierks Bentley, Brooks & Dunn, Alan
Jackson, Reba McEntire, The Wreckers, and an acoustic performance by Jason
Michael Carroll.
At close to midnight, the Hard Rock Caf? Writer's Night
will be held with Brett James, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Bobby Pinson, Rivers
Rutherford and Jim Collins trading stories and playing songs.
Non-music events remain a part of the event, including a
turkey fry cooking demonstration and kids
fingerpainting.
****
Amy's Kitchen ****
Orange Glazed Baked
Ham
Easter ham, basted with orange glaze, and made with a tasty
honey-
mustard sauce.
1 (3 to 4 lb.) fully cooked boneless cured
ham
1 cup orange juice
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 cup
country-style Dijon mustard
1/4 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon liquid
smoke
Heat oven to 350?F. Place ham into ungreased 13x9" baking pan. Pour
orange juice over ham. Combine remaining ingredients in medium bowl.
Spoon sauce over entire ham. Bake, basting every 15 minutes with pan
juice, for 70 to 80 minutes or until heated through. Serve ham with
pan
juices. Make 10 servings.
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****
How long does it take an
oyster to make a pearl?
Any mollusk with a shell can create
a pearl. In fact, the same materials that create the animal's shell go into the
pearl itself. Contrary to popular opinion, it's not always an irritating grain
of sand that prods an oyster into making a pearl. More likely, a stray food
particle gets stuck under the shell.
The mollusk coats the irritant with
layers of aragonite and conchiolin, and the composite material is called nacre.
That is what gives pearls their luster. At least one species of oyster can
secrete nacre over an irritant at a rate of about 0.1mm to 0.2mm per
year.
But mollusks rarely create pearls naturally -- only one out of
10,000 animals will produce a pearl in the wild. Since the 1930s, the vast
majority of pearls have been created with the help of humans. Cultured pearls
are created by surgically implanting a bead or piece of shell into a mature
oyster. The bead or shell becomes the irritant around which the oyster naturally
forms layers of nacre. The bigger the irritant, the bigger the final
pearl.
Successfully implanted oysters are returned to the ocean or a lake
to grow the pearls. The pearls are harvested anywhere from one to three years
after implantation, depending on conditions in the pearl farm and the size of
the pearls desired.
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable
to
understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." (Ben Bergor)
LAST CALL
Y'ALL
A friend of mine had
never been fishing in her entire life,
but she wasn't about to tell her new
rich boyfriend that. "What?; And
look like an idiot?" she said to me. After
about an hour aboard his
yacht, she turned to her new boyfriend and said,
"Umm, those little red
and white thingees? How much do they cost? "He looked
at her a little
funny, shrugged, and said, "The float? I guess they're about
a dollar.
Why do you ask?" "I owe you a dollar then.; Mine just
sank
 
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA
HEAR!
In God I
trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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