From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

THURSDAY JUNE 21,2007

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The government not only has the
bad habit of living beyond its income, but also beyond ours.

GRANDMA'S BOYFRIEND. . .
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, is your Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

The minister fainted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~BaBs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't
want him and his mother won't take him back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our neighbors had put much time and effort into training their
large dog to jump into the back of their SUV on command. One
morning I noticed Stan, the husband, with a look of frustration,
holding the cell phone to the dog's ear. Suddenly the animal
leaped into the vehicle. “He wouldn't move,” explained Stan,
“so I phoned my wife to give the command. He always obeys
her!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A car was involved in an accident. As one might expect, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, pushed and struggled to get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through please! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a white-haired granny entertaining two small grandchildren at
the playground, I jumped off a moving swing and wrenched my
knee. At the emergency ward, I sheepishly admitted what had
caused the accident. The attendant comforted me with the
assurance that I was not unique. "Why, not long ago we treated
an older lady who fell off her skateboard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped at a country restaurant for lunch.

The little boy left the table to use the restroom by himself. A moment later he returned with a confused look on his face. He says, "Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter's frisky five-month-old kittens often got into trouble.
They had been jumping up on the table and the kitchen counters.
One day they opened a loaf of bread; on another day, muffins. I
talked to my daughter sometime after the latest incident and asked
if the kittens were still getting onto the counter. “Oh, no,” she said.
“Not anymore.” Wondering what discipline had worked, I asked
how she had solved the problem. “We moved the chair,” she
replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the end of a particularly severe winter, we removed the protective covers from our cabin cruiser and found that the weight of the snow had broken the windshield. I drove to the local glass shop, where I paid $110 for a replacement. The owner asked if I'd like them to install it, but I said I could handle it myself.

I managed to climb up the ladder to the deck before dropping the glass.

Sheepishly I returned to the shop. The owner showed no emotion as he cut the second glass. When I saw another $110 charge, I said, "I thought I might get a break on the second piece of glass."

"I did give you a break," he replied.

"How so?" I asked.

"I didn't laugh, did I?" he answered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman came in to the pharmacy and dropped off three prescriptions
to be filled. Later, she came back and wanted to pick up the prescriptions.
Two of the prescriptions were ready, with the third stapled to the bag.
"Here you go, we were only able to fill two of the prescriptions," the
pharmacist said. "Why can't you fill the other one?" she said.
"I'm sorry, we don't carry that one." "Well, can you order it?"
"No" the pharmacist replied. "Well, where can I get it filled?"
"I'm afraid you will have to go to the hospital to get it filled."
"Why? What's it for?" "A chest X-ray."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the police station to talk to the burglar who had broken
into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant, when he asked
what the man wanted.

"No, no, no!" says the man....

"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New patients in our dental office are required to complete a medical
and dental history. One day, after pondering one question for some
time, a patient approached the desk. "Excuse me," she said, "but I
don't understand number ten."
The question read, "Have you ever had a local anesthetic?"
"What don't you understand?"
"Well," she replied, "I've never had a local anesthetic...but I've had
one out of town."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the end of their first date, a young man takes the girl back to her
home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important
first kiss . With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against
the wall and, smiling, he says to her,

"Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Embarrassed, she replies,

"Oh, I couldn't do that. My parents will see us! "

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. I would just die of embarrassment if someone saw us."

"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"

"No. I like you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"NO, no! I just can't."

"Pleeeeease?..."

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up
in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says. . .

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need
be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud, tell him
to take his hand off the intercom button!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband, Martin, had been rebuilding the deck all summer, and
spoke often of how fit he was feeling. One afternoon he called us
over, adjusted his tool belt, jumped up and down, then cried,
“Look! No jiggle!”
My daughter and I looked at his waistline and offered a hesitant,
“Well…”
“Oh!” Martin said in disgust. “I meant the deck!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
As we were lying on a blanket on the grass enjoying an afternoon
in the park, my husband suddenly said, “Don't move. There's a
spider near your face.” I immediately screamed and jumped up.
“I said don't move,” Duane admonished. “I know,” I replied, “but
then you said spider

Everyone jumped to pick the phone up when it rang. My brother
was calling to announce the birth of his first child. My parents
and I rushed to the hospital and met Ray outside the maternity
ward. "You've got to see the new baby!" he gushed. "He's
gorgeous!" At the entrance to the nursery, Ray stopped to
read the notice on the door. His face fell. "Only you can go in,
Mom and Dad," he said, crestfallen. "I have to stay out here.
The sign says PARENTS ONLY ADMITTED."
My father roared with laughter. "You are the parent!" he told
the new father.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
You can join The Funnies
IT'S FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** DIABETIC NEWS ****

Diabetes Drug May Help Obese People Eat Less

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Obese subjects ate nearly 1,000
fewer calories per day when they injected pramlintide, a
drug approved for the treatment of insulin-dependent
diabetes, before every meal, a new study shows.

The subjects were also less likely to binge eat and ate
less when faced with "fast-food challenges" of deep-dish
pizza, sugary sodas and ice cream.

Pramlintide is a synthetic version of the human hormone
amylin, which is secreted by the pancreas along with
insulin after meals. Amylin is referred to as a "satiety"
hormone, meaning it signals a feeling of fullness to let
the body know it is time to stop eating.

San Diego-based Amylin Pharmaceuticals makes pramlintide,
which is sold under the trade name Symlin. In previous
studies, the company demonstrated that people taking Symlin
for 1 year lost 8 percent of their body weight. The current
study was designed to evaluate how the drug contributes to
weight loss.

Dr. Christian Weyer of Amylin and his colleagues randomly
assigned 88 obese subjects self-injection with pramlintide
or placebo before each meal for 6 weeks. During the course
of the study, participants underwent three "fast-food
challenges."

By the third day of the study, the subjects on pramlintide
were consuming about 750 fewer calories a day than those on
placebo and 990 calories a day less than before they began
taking the drug. At day 43, those on pramlintide were
eating about 500 fewer calories than those on placebo.

While the pramlintide-placebo calorie intake difference
shrank as the patients on the drug lost weight, it remained
"robust," the researchers note, which is "noteworthy" given
that people typically start feeling hungrier after they
lose a significant amount of weight.

The subjects on pramlintide also ate smaller portions and
consumed less during the fast food challenges. The
pramlintide group ate 385 fewer calories on the challenge
at 44 days compared with the initial challenge on day 2,
while the corresponding number for the placebo group was
109 fewer calories.

By day 44, the pramlintide group lost an average of 2
percent of their total body weight, compared with an
average gain of 0.11 percent for those on placebo.

While peptide hormones like pramlintide have been shown to
induce nausea, Weyer and his team point out, they used a
low dose in the current study, and study participants
taking the drug were not significantly more likely to feel
nauseous than those on placebo.

Weyer told Reuters Health that his group is now evaluating
a combination of pramlintide and leptin -- another satiety
hormone -- or treating obesity. Studies in animals have
found the combination produces a stronger effect than
either hormone alone. The researcher said results of human
studies of the hormone combination are expected this year.

SOURCE: American Journal of Physiology, Endocrinology and
Metabolism, July 2007.

Copyright 2007 Reuters Limited.

Diabetic Recipe

Roasted Red Pepper Dip

(makes about 2 1/2 cups, 600 ml)

2 large red bell peppers, about 1 pound (480 g) total
1 large red onion, 8 ounces (240 g), peeled and sliced
2 large garlic cloves, peeled
1 cup (240 ml) plain nonfat yogurt
2 tablespoons (30 ml) minced fresh parsley
1/4 teaspoon (1.25 ml) hot pepper sauce
salt (optional) and freshly ground pepper to taste

1. Preheat the broiler. Cut peppers in half lengthwise,
   discarding seeds and membranes. Place the peppers,
   cut side down, on a foil-lined baking sheet.

2. Surround with onion and garlic. Broil for 10 minutes or
   until peppers are blackened. Immediately place peppers
   in self-sealing plastic bag. Seal and let stand for
   15 minutes. Rinse peppers under running cold water,
   slipping off the peel.

3. Place peeled peppers, onion, and garlic in a food
   process or blender. Process until finely chopped.
   Transfer mixture to a bowl and fold in remaining
   ingredients. Cover and chill until ready to serve.
   (May be made the day before.)

Per 2-tablespoon (30 ml) serving: 19 calories (4% calories
from fat), 1 g protein, trace total fat (0 saturated fat),
4 g carbohydrate, 1 g dietary fiber, trace cholesterol,
10 mg sodium

Exchanges: free (for 2-tablespoon portion; if eating more,
it becomes 1 vegetable)

Copyright Diabetic-Lifestyle

**** Reader's Submissions ****
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Every so often, we do a little thing we call "Truth is Stranger then....." --- which is look at the news of the Weird.ʠWe don't pretend to tell you they are real, but since they come thru the major news gathering organizations ... AP - UPS - REUTERS etc, we'll assume they are, but we'll

let you decide!!!

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Stripper fracas lands two in hospital

BROOKLAWN, N.J. (UPI) -- Two exotic dancers wound up in the hospital after a colleague allegedly attacked them with a knife at a suburban Philadelphia adult bookstore.

Police in Brooklawn, N.J., told The Philadelphia Inquirer that the Monday afternoon brawl was apparently caused when the suspect and another woman accused the two victims of stealing a pair of shoes.

The situation at the Carnival Adult Bookstore got out of hand and the two victims were left with multiple slash wounds, the Inquirer said.

The alleged assailants were locked up. The shoes were never found, the newspaper reported.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Longest dandelion found in Norway

OSLO, Norway (UPI) -- An 11-year-old Norweigian boy could get a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for finding the longest dandelion.

Bjorn Magne of Klove found the giant weed, which measured 42 inches, while on a hike through the forest with his mother, the newspaper Aftenposten said Tuesday.

"It was a bit in the shade and must have stretched to come up into sunlight," he told newspaper Bergens Tidende.

His mother Nina told Aftenposten her son is an avid reader of the Guinness record book, which said the longest registered dandelion -- measuring 39 inches -- was found in Sweden in 2003.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

City uses dog to chase away geese

BRAMPTON, Ontario (UPI) -- The City of Brampton in Canada is employing the services of a 2-year-old English springer spaniel to keep geese at bay in its public parks.

The dog, Rocket, is employed by the city to annoy and chase the geese away -- without hurting any of the birds -- from areas that were previously minefields of droppings, the Toronto Star reported.

"It makes the geese uncomfortable, but it doesn't harm them in any way," said Tamara Taylor, Brampton's supervisor of animal services and Rocket's owner.

She said she opted to take the dog to Loafer's Lake, Chinguacousy and Professor's Lake to scare geese away rather than have the birds relocated -- a process that could kill or injure the geese.

"I knew he'd be fantastic at it," she said. "He loves to chase birds because it's his instinct.

"He knows he needs to be a working dog."

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Police: Man used pigs to trash house

EAGLE CREEK, Ore. (UPI) -- Police were looking for an Oregon man who allegedly locked three pigs in his home hoping they would trash it after the house went into foreclosure.

Detective Jim Strovink of the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office said Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek had been distraught about the foreclosure and joked to neighbors he had locked the pigs in his home more than a week ago without any food or water, KGW-TV in Portland, Ore., reported.

Deputies responded to a neighbor's complaint about the pigs and found the inside and outside of the house had been trashed. Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert, said the pigs were dehydrated but otherwise healthy after he coaxed them outside.

The pigs had an escape route all along through the busted back door, but refused to make the jump to the patio below the door.

The sheriff's department was asking anyone with information about Lovett's whereabouts to contact them.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Wanted lizard wounded, evades capture

CASSELBERRY, Fla. (UPI) -- A troublemaking lizard in Casselberry, Fla., managed to evade capture even after it was shot by a local police officer.

The 5-foot Nile monitor lizard, which has led residents to keep pets and children under close supervision, was spotted by a police officer Sunday after weeks of evading capture, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported.

The officer fired two shots at the animal, hitting it once, but the lizard escaped again and crews searching the area around the pond where the shooting occurred could find no trace of it.

The monitor lizard, which is not indigenous to the area, is considered dangerous because of its strong bite, which is laced with bacteria that can be harmful to humans.

"The animal's presence has caused a sense of fear and unease in the nearby neighborhoods and has caused an ongoing public safety concern that has been repeatedly addressed by the police department and animal control," the Casselberry police department said in a statement.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Norwegian party nominates dead man

SARPSBORG, Norway (UPI) -- A Norwegian political party has chosen its candidate for a local election in Sarpsborg -- a man who has been dead for a year and a half.ʼ/SPAN>

The Christian Coalition Party's list of 13 candidates also includes five people who have asked to be removed from the list, Aftenposten reported Friday.ʼ/SPAN>

"We have never received a list like this before," said Sarpsborg Mayor Jan Engsmyr. "There is no preparation done here. The party should pull itself together and take this more seriously. Scraping together some names and sending in a list is fully legal, but it is customary to ask people first if they want to be on it."ʼ/SPAN>

The Christian Coalition Party's leader for Ostfold County, Kai Spydevold, said the party's nomination process is sound, but a mistake was made in nominating the dead man.ʼ/SPAN>

Deputy party leader Morten Sveven said he planned to call the family of the deceased candidate to apologize.ʼ/SPAN>

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Dinosaur statue vandalized in Minn.

ST. PAUL, Minn. (UPI) -- Police have yet to find whoever is responsible for vandalizing one of 60 pop-art fiberglass dinosaur statues newly plunked down across St. Paul.

One of the 8-foot-long, 4-foot-tall dinosaur's legs was busted off and it's head fractured sometime last weekend, KSTP-TV in Minneapolis reported Wednesday. The statue, which will cost about $4,000 to replace, was anchored to a half-ton concrete base.

Artist Matt Sletten, who had painted a St. Paul scene on the statue, was "disappointed" someone would damage it.

"I spent four days painting it -- 13 hours one day. My wife came down to help me with it," Sletten said

The fanciful statues are part of marketing efforts to draw attention to the Science Museum of Minnesota's 100th anniversary. They will be auctioned off this fall to raise money for the museum.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Segway just fast enough to catch car thief

LONG BEACH, N.Y. (UPI) -- In what could hardly be called a "high-speed chase," a New York police officer riding a two-wheeled Segway managed to nab three suspected car thieves.

Long Beach, N.Y., Police Officer Jose Miguez said that with a top speed of 12 miles per hour, he was able to keep a stolen Mercedes in sight long enough to watch it crash into a pole as the youths bailed out.

Long Beach recently added the battery-powered vehicles for use on the city's beachfront boardwalk. Miquez told Newsday he had been able, thanks to the Segway's height advantage, to see that the trio in the car had been wearing latex gloves as they waited in a fast-food restaurant drive-through.

The suspects sped off with Miquez in pursuit for about four blocks before the car jumped a curb and slammed into a pole. Miquez rolled up alongside the fleeing 13-year-old driver, who promptly gave up the names of his cohorts.

"Had I been on foot," Miquez told Newsday, "there's no way I could have caught up with this kid."

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Monterey oils eggs to limit goose growth

MONTEREY, Calif. (UPI) -- The California city of Monterey is covering the eggs produced by its resident Canada geese with corn oil to slowly lower the population of the messy birds.

Slathering oil on the shells apparently prevents the eggs from hatching, and has become the method of choice in the seaside resort town where the geese have taken up virtually permanent residency at El Estro Park.

"It's all about the droppings," City Parks Superintendent Doug Stafford told The Monterey County Herald. "The droppings are so large, and the volume of droppings is so great, it's really not pleasant for people to even come into the park."

The goose-control strategy has been sharply limited by wildlife regulations that prohibit shooting the birds or destroying their eggs outright. The Herald said hiring a specially trained dog to harass the birds hasn't quite done the trick.

The geese are migratory, but Stafford said the birds appear to becoming less inclined to move on in the summer.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Minnesota child survives long fall

ST. PAUL, Minn. (UPI) -- A 2-year-old boy "bounced right up" after plummeting from a third-story apartment window in Minnesota while playing with his twin brother.

The boy apparently landed on a grassy area below the window Tuesday afternoon, St. Paul, Minn., police said. He was scared, crying and holding on to a fence but appeared to have only a minor head injury, the Star Tribune reported.

"He bounced right up," police spokesman Tom Walsh told the Minneapolis newspaper. "He was walking around. Talking."

The child was taken to a hospital for observation.

The boys' father was in the apartment at the time of the accident, which was under investigation.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

....and here are the final 2 stories for this edition of "Truth is stranger than . . . ." ??? We'll be backʷithʠmore very soon!!!

fred

**** ON THIS DAY ****

THAR SHE BLOWS
By,
Kathleene S. Baker

It must be true. Things really do happen for a reason and usually
for the best. This past Thanksgiving my husband, Jerry, and I were
spending alone. We weren't really feeling sorry for ourselves, but
it was definitely going to be different. This year the grown kids
had plans of their own, so just the two of us would share the
holiday. We made reservations at an upscale hotel well known for
its holiday buffets, complete with ice sculptures for d?cor. We
were going to treat ourselves, and I'd have the holiday off and out
of the kitchen. At least the cook was going to be pampered....

As I was turning off lights the night before, I noticed a damp spot
on the carpet. I said out loud, "Oh, no! This pup hasn't had an
accident in months, so why now?" I grabbed towels and cleaning
supplies and went to work. Then I noticed there was absolutely no
color as I dabbed at the area. Sticking my nose nearly into the
piling, I was amazed there was no odor either.

Then it hit me and I screamed, "Thar she blows!" This being the
second time the hot water tank had gone out, I knew why that
particular area of carpet was wet. At least it was noticed
immediately. The other time our carpet had already soaked up 50
gallons of water, and we had out of town guests staying with us for
a wedding. Nightmare weekend, as I recall!

We corralled dogs, yanked up that area of carpet, began turning
knobs on the tank, and hooking up a garden hose to drain the tank
onto the driveway. It was getting close to midnight, and we were up
to our necks in trouble.

During all of this I could only be thankful we had no guests for the
holiday! Then I began to panic about showers Thanksgiving morning.
Soon, Jerry hollered at me, "Grab some soap and wash cloths and get
out here." By now it was midnight. What a site to see; the two of
us taking spit baths on the driveway before all the hot water ran
down the alley. Not to mention, it was the coldest night of the
year thus far. Luckily, all the neighbors' lights were out and we
hoped they were tucked away sound asleep.

As we finally fell into bed, I tried to convince myself I could
handle washing my hair in cold water the next morning. Then it hit
us - what if no plumbers were available on the holiday. Oh no - how
many spit bathes could a person endure? Or, what if every plumber
in town had gone away for the holiday? We decided we would just
pull up our bootstraps and survive like the pioneers did. Yes, we
could survive! We had no other choice.

However, the next morning I learned washing your hair in cold water
is agony! It's much like eating ice cream too fast, except it isn't
just your sinuses aching; the pain permeates your entire brain. I
had an electric hotpot of warm water next to the kitchen sink, and
when the pain became unbearable, I'd pour on a bit of warm just to
take the edge off. I washed and rinsed as fast as I could go, but
it seemed to take forever. I was sure I'd be hypothermic before I
finished.

We finally made it to the lovely buffet, and looked pretty much like
everyone else, and I didn't notice anyone shy away from us as if we
had body odor. Considering the past 12 hours of our lives had been
wretched, things were going very well, and I was ready for a glass
of wine before attacking the beautiful feast spread across the
dining room.

We sat back, made a toast, and began sipping as we spoke of all the
things we had to be thankful for this year. About halfway through
that glass of wine, the "spirits" seemed to grab hold of me.
Suddenly I was telling Jerry how thankful I was for no out of town
guests this year, the puppy didn't have an accident, garden hoses,
kitchen sinks, electric hotpots, shampoo...Jerry interrupted, rolled
his eyes, and said, "You have a lot in common with that hot water
tank, you know!"

"What in the world are you talking about? I'm enjoying myself, and
relaxing for the first time since disaster struck last night."

With a devilish look in his eye, he said, "Well, you know how you
are after a few sips of wine?"

"I'm fine after a few sips of wine," I insisted. I was so
confused. "Just how can you compare me to a hot water tank?"

"Well, as you were going on and on about the things you were
thankful for, I was tempted to stand up right here in this crowded
dining room and announce, "Thar She Blows!"

©2005 Kathleene S. Baker

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a

personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Jeff Gordon's wife gives birth to girl

NEW YORK (AP) — Jeff Gordon won't have to miss a race for the birth of his daughter. NASCAR's four-time champion became a father Wednesday when his wife, model Ingrid Vandebosch, gave birth to a girl. Gordon announced on his website that Ella Sofia Gordon was born Wednesday morning.

"It's been an absolutely incredible experience," Gordon said. "Ingrid came through amazingly and we're both really happy and overjoyed. We can't wait to get home and start our lives together as a family."

Gordon asked Mark Martin to be on standby this weekend in case he had to leave the race in Sonoma, Calif., to return for the birth. He said he'll travel to California later this week and participate in all on-track activities at Infineon Raceway.

Gordon's baby was born two days after Tiger Woods' daughter, Sam Alexis Woods.

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-21-

Charlie Lamb, journalist/publisher/artist manager, born Knoxville, TN 1921.

Eddie Adcock, Bluegrass/Banjo/Guitar, born Scottsville, VA 1938.

Leon Everette, born Aiken, SC 1948.

Johnny Cash released his first single "Hey Porter," on Sun Records 1955.

Ray Price topped the charts with the Ralph Mooney penned "Crazy Arms" 1956.

Kathy Mattea born Cross Lanes, WV 1959.

Porter Howell, "Little Texas," born Longview, TX 1964.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' album "Buck Owens, Ruby" 1971.

Allison Moorer, born Mobile, AL 1972.

Glen Campbell's #1 hit "Rhinestone Cowboy" charted 1975.

Don Williams' single "You're My Best Friend," went to #1 in 1975.

C. E. Moody, age 87, "The Georgia Yellow Hammers," died 1977.

Buck Owens married Jennifer Smith 1979.

J. W. Gallagher, guitar maker for Doc Watson and others, died 1979.

Randy Travis topped the charts with "I Told You So" 1988.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens & Ringo Starr's single "Act Naturally" 1989.

Liberty Records released "The Best of Gail Davies" 1991.

John Lee Hooker, age 83, died in California, 2001.

**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Faith Hill, Tim McGraw receive Academy of Country Music honor

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 – Faith Hill and Tim McGraw recently received the Academy of Country Music Career Achievement Award at a special presentation at the June 5th kick off to their Soul2Soul Tour 2007 in Omaha, Neb.

Last year, Hill and McGraw's Soul2Soul Tour 2006 was the highest grossing country music tour of all-time; the most attended concert tour of the year, in any musical genre, at 33 venues nationwide; the only country music tour to ever sell-out three consecutive nights at The Staples Center in Los Angeles; the highest grossing concert tour of the year, in any musical genre, at 26 concert venues across the country; the most attended country music tour ever at 17 concert venues, including New York's Madison Square Garden - the tour ultimately grew to 73 performances in 55 cities.

The ACM Career Achievement Award is presented to an individual artist, duo, group or multiple artist collaboration who have advanced the popularity and acceptance of country music through their endeavors in the entertainment industry in multiple areas during the preceding calendar year. The award is voted by the Academy of Country Music board of directors. Past honorees have included John Anderson, Johnny Paycheck, Carl Perkins and Kenny Rogers.

"The Academy wanted to honor Faith and Tim's unique and special achievements in 2006," said Bob Romeo, Executive Director of the Academy of Country Music. "They truly excelled at every level, from touring to charitable endeavors to film and television, and in the process brought attention to country music throughout the world."

Johnny Rodriguez Busted

Legendary singer Johnny Rodriguez has been charged with three felony drug counts.

June 20, 2007 – Police pulled the singer over for speeding on Friday, June 15, in Blanchard, Okla., about 30 miles south of Oklahoma City. Officers say they found marijuana, methamphetamine, drug paraphernalia and an open container of beer in his pickup truck.

Johnny was charged with possession of a controlled dangerous substance, possession of marijuana and driving under the influence of drugs. He was released on $6,500 bail the following day, and is due to appear in court for a preliminary hearing July 18.

Johnny, 55, racked up six No. 1 hits in the early 1970s, including “That’s the Way Love Goes” and “Ridin’ My Thumb to Mexico.” He is set to be inducted into the Texas Country Music Hall of Fame in Carthage, Texas, on Aug. 18.

Another Side of LeAnn Rimes

June 21, 2007 — LeAnn Rimes describes her new single "Nothing Better to Do," which she wrote with her husband, Dean Sheremet, and Blair Daly, as an autobiography of her alter ego.

"I grew up in a small, backwoods kind of town in Mississippi," she tells The Tennessean. "Literally, there was a shop across the street that only sold bait and bullets. We kind of wrote the song about what might have happened if I never got out. It's a part of my personality that people don't usually see. It's fun to be able to come out through the music."

LeAnn shot the video for "Nothing Better to Do" at the old Tennessee State Penitentiary, which closed in 1992 after nearly 100 years in operation, and co-directed it with David McClister, while Dean choreographed the production.

"I have very specific ideas now of what I want," Rimes said. "It was so much fun. We worked for 22 hours one day and shot it on Death Row in a cell next to the electric chair. It was kind of creepy, but very cool."

Toby Keith "Big" man on album chart for 3rd time

By Katie Hasty
Wed Jun 20, 1:17 PM ET

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Toby Keith scored his third No. 1 on the U.S. pop album charts Wednesday, although sales were down sharply from his previous release.

"Big Dog Daddy" sold 204,000 copies in the week ended June 17, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Keith's 2006 album, "White Trash With Money" sold more at 330,000, but debuted at No. 2. His other chart-toppers were 2003's "Shock'n Y'All" with 585,000 in its first week, and 2002's "Unleashed" with 338,300. The overall music industry has been in a sharp slide in that time, with most artists suffering sales declines.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****

4 LAYER STRAWBERRY DESSERT
Source: Barbara King
Comments: I have tweeked this recipe just a bit.but the basic
ingredients are the same.Wanda
1-1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 cup chopped pecans
Use a pastry cutter to cut the butter into the flour until small bean
size crumbs; stir in chopped pecans. Pour into a lightly buttered
13x9-inch baking dish and lightly press down with finger tips. Bake at
350? for 20 minutes. Cool completely.
SECOND LAYER
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup Cool whip topping
Mix and spread on cooled crust. Chill
THIRD LAYER
1 cup sugar
4 tablespoons cornstarch
Pinch of salt
1-1/2 cups 7-up
1/2 cup water
1 (3oz) package strawberry Jell-O
1-1/2 to 2 quarts fresh sliced strawberries.
Combine sugar, cornstarch, salt, 7-up, and water in a sauce pan and cook
until thickened. While hot, add a 3-ounce package of strawberry Jell-O.
Allow cooling completely! Add 1-1/2 to 2 quarts sliced strawberries.
Pour over cream cheese layer. Chill until set firm.
Top with whipped cream or Cool Whip and sprinkle chopped pecans if
desired.
NOTE: I cook the third layer first.it takes some time for it to cool
completely.Wanda

© COPYRIGHT CONTENT 2007 WANDA'S COUNTRY HOME, LLC AND THE HAPPY
COOKER! All rights reserved

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Before the Titanic sank, it was the largest ship in the world. What is the largest today, and how does it compare to the Titanic?

These days, cargo vessels are the largest ships around, and the king of these crafts is the oil tanker Jahre Viking, which logs in at 1,503 feet long and 226 feet wide. It boasts a gross tonnage of 565,000 tons!

However, you mentioned the Titanic, so to compare apples to apples we learned that the two largest passenger ships in the world are currently run by Royal Caribbean International Cruises. The "Voyager of the Seas" and the "Explorer of the Seas" are 1,020 feet long and 158 feet wide. Both have a gross tonnage of 140,000 tons and carry roughly 3,000 passengers and 2,000 crew members.

By comparison, the Titanic was 883 feet long, 93 feet wide, and weighed 45,000 tons. It boasted a squash court, swimming pool, and a gymnasium with a mechanical horse. The Titanic could hold 3,500 passengers and crew members but carried life boats for just over 1,000. There were approximately 2,200 unfortunate souls aboard when the "unsinkable" ship encountered the iceberg.

****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Once a woman has climbed the ladder of success, she shouldn't
push it away so that other woman can't come up.

LAST CALL Y'ALL

Abe came home one day and found his wife Esther in tears. "Darling,
what's the matter?" "Oh Abe," cried Esther, "Doctor Cohen says I have
tuberculosis." "What! A big healthy woman like you has tuberculosis?
Ridiculous," said Abe, "I'll call Doctor Cohen and get this sorted out
right now." So Abe called his doctor. "Doctor, Esther says you told her
she has tuberculosis." The doctor said something to Abe and with that,
Abe began laughing. "So what's so funny about my having such a dreadful
disease?" asked Esther. "Esther, Doctor Cohen didn't say you that you
have 'tuberculosis', he said you have 'too big a tuchas'!
~&~
Time is a great healer. That's why they make
you wait so long in the doctor's office.
.

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS AMERICA
~
To subscribe, Click on a link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end of this mailing
~
Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM
or
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP
blocking mail again?
No problem
To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link
Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list

God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE

Scanned by Avast virus protection
~
Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com
Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438