|
From Carlisle ,Indiana U.S.A.  Welcome
to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
"Friends
are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended
for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can
repair almost anything.
Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help
Them
Remember,it is easier to get
older
than it is to get wiser
TGIF
FRIDAY JUNE 22,2007
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: To
err is human. To blame it on others is politics.
Even MORE You Might Be
A Redneck If...
...All of your dental visits are
emergencies.
..."Pass the buck" means you want
seconds.
...You think "Prime Real Estate" is the chair next
to the space heater.
...You can play "The Star-Spangled
Banner" on your
turkey call.
...You've ever worn suit
pants without a shirt.
...You can't remember what name you used on
your
marriage license.
...One of the blankets on your bed
says "Property Of
U-Haul."
...You clean your house with
a water hose.
...You sew the legs back on to your jeans at the
end
of the summer.
...One of your fantasies involves a
bulldozer.
...Most of the major decisions in your life were
made with the help of a Magic 8 Ball.
...You're smoking
in your driver's license photo.
...One of your relatives had his CB
handle in his
obituary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When my parents and I moved to our new house, I chose to make
the basement my "apartment." I had just started a full-time job and most of my
waking hours were spent working, going out with friends, and relaxing in my
basement solitude. After one particularly brutal day, I drove home, muttered
hello to my mother and went downstairs to unwind. It never occurred to me that I
was being antisocial until, six hours later when I went to get a snack, my
mother asked, "Coming up for air?" "Food," I mumbled. "Is that 'for here,' or
'to go'?" she asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady lost her handbag during
a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag
there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles."
The boy
quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she
didn't have change for a reward."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our son
recently married a Russian woman. During the reception, Russian and American
guests proposed toasts. As someone translated, my sister-in-law said, "Good
health, good fortune. Go forth and multiply."
I couldn't help noticing
that some of the guests looked confused.
We found out later that the
toast had been translated as, "Good health, good fortune. Go and do
math."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<>My two daughters often tease their grandfather about being
stubborn, a trait he strenuously denies. One day Grandpa was telling them about
a horse-pack trip he had taken up the Continental Divide. "The guides felt that
the personalities of horse and rider should be compatible," he related. "They
matched us up carefully." "What was your horse like?" one daughter broke in.
Grandpa's answer was reluctant. "They gave me a mule," he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was going away for a few
days and left my husband a list of chores. For fun, I put down as Item 5: Think
about your wife a lot. After I returned, my husband proudly reported that he had
completed every job. When I saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had
been crossed off. "What's this!" I exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me while I
was gone?" My chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, "I started to, but
just never finished."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I once lived in the Yukon with our two very
boisterous small children. We were there when the territory was rocked by an
earthquake in 1958. My husband was working in the basement, and watched in utter
astonishment when he saw the huge wooden beams that supported the house actually
moving. His immediate reaction was to yell up the stairs: "What are those two
kids doing now?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On her first
morning delivering newspapers, my daughter was riding with her supervisor who
was showing her some tricks of the trade. He proceeded to demonstrate how to
throw a newspaper accurately. "Now remember," he warned, "it's 5:30 in the
morning, so you don't want to make a big ruckus. This customer likes his paper
right on his front porch."
The supervisor then hurled the paper toward
the house. It landed on the customer's car and set off the
alarm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who works for the state of
Louisiana got a call from a man who paused when she told him the name of her
agency. He then asked her to repeat it. "It's the Governor's Office for Elderly
Affairs," she told him again.
There was another pause. "For gosh sakes,
sign me up," he said. "I didn't do too well when I was young."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the wise company president
learned that his employees were tanking
up on no-trace vodka martinis during
their lunch hours, he issued the
following
memo:
To all employees;
If you must drink during your lunch hours, please
drink whiskey. It is better
for our customers to know you're drunk than
to think you're
stupid.
- Problem Drinking at Work? . . Now
solved!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOOF IN MOUTH
One of the
customers who frequented the jewelry store where I worked bought many statues of
horses from us. She asked me to keep her in mind when I was on buying trips. The
day after I returned from one business trip she came into the store and asked if
I'd seen any. Without thinking, I replied, "Oh, Mrs. Pumplechuck, every time I
see a horse I think of you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
woman who called was most apologetic. She was 20 minutes late for an appointment
with my boss, but she said she had no idea how to get to our office. I glanced
out the window overlooking our parking lot and happened to see a lady sitting in
her car with a cell phone to her ear. "Do you by any chance drive a red
four-door car?" I asked. "Well, yes, I do," she replied slowly, and then after a
moment's pause, added sheepishly, "I guess I'm
here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My uncle had decided to sell his
truck and trailer at a lot across town. When he arrived there, he realized he'd
left the registration at home. The saleswoman told him he could use the black
loaner car with the keys in it to drive back through the heavy rainstorm. At
home, he quickly listened to his answering machine. The last message was from
the frantic saleswoman asking him to bring the car back right away. The one he
had taken belonged to a customer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As
we were moving into our dorm last fall, young women wandered from room to room
to see who had brought what to school. One student's room contained a TV, VCR,
stereo system, microwave, and a number of other high-tech gadgets. She even had
a Nintendo 64.
A fellow dorm resident couldn't resist asking, "Do you
play Nintendo 64?"
The girl's response: "No, but the guys
do!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs Santa Claus was seeking a
divorce in court from an incredulous judge
who asked her to explain her
maritial problems.
"Judge, it's that happy jolly stuff all year long,"
she said. "It drives
me CRAZY!"
"All year? Why I thought Santa's work
was only in the winter." said the
judge.
"Sure, but in summer he takes
up gardening," Mrs Claus replied,
and
then...
it's hoe, hoe, hoe, all over
again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My teenage son got a job
bagging groceries at the Fort McCoy Commissary, where he worked for tips only.
Hoping to improve his tipping percentage, he often engaged customers in
conversation.
One man was telling my son that he had had his ID card
since World War II.
"No-o!" my son said. "You don't look a day over
Vietnam!" He got a good tip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is
Marketing?
WELCOME TO MARKETING 101
You see a gorgeous girl at a
party.
You go up to her and say,
"I am very rich. Marry
me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of
friends and see a gorgeous girl. One
of your friends goes up to her and,
pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's
Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her
and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm
very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party
and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to
her and compliment
her hair. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after
she drops
it, offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very
rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a
party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says,
"You are
very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous
girl at a party.
You go up to her and say,
"I'm rich. Marry
me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer
Feedback.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my job with a credit union,
I often run across accounts that are protected by password.
The
credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and
then give the password to the teller.
Recently, when I asked a woman for
her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save."
I was
puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I'd have to say
it every time I make a
withdrawal."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shortly after Grandma
died, Grandpa was driving my sister and me on a shopping trip. We were aghast at
the tales he told us of what a terrible driver Grandma had been. In the middle
of one story, we arrived at an intersection. The light was green, but instead of
going through, Grandpa stopped. My sister and I both exclaimed that he had the
green.
"Well," Grandpa said frostily, "it's usually red when I get
here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cautioned my eight- and
ten-year-old children, Andy and Susan, that if they wanted to play outside, they
must stay off their bikes while I went to the airport, just two blocks away, to
give a flying lesson. On my way out I left the phone on the porch. While my
student and I were circling the airport, we flew over my house and I noticed
Andy cruising around on his bike. I called the tower controller. "Jack," I said,
"would you call my house, please, and tell Andy to get off his bike and go to
his room." When Andrew answered the phone, Jack repeated exactly what I had
said. Later, I arrived home to find Andy sitting on his bed, a worried look on
his face. "Mom, I'm sorry," he said. "I was riding around on my bike, but God
saw me and made me go to my room."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy
was riding in the elevator of a very tall building with his parents. He tugged
on his father's coat and, when his father bent over, asked him a
question.
The father frowned and shook his head. The little boy tugged on
his father's coat again, and asked the same question.
"No!" said the
father.
When the little boy tugged on his father's coat a third time, the
father lost his patience and said, "I don't care how Superman does it! We're
going up this way!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill decided to
take a trip to Australia. She booked herself on a bus tour, and noticed that a
lot of signs were in English and in the Aboriginal language, which her guide
carefully pronounced. Eagerly, Jill offered to try and pronounce the next sign
she saw. As the next sign came up, Jill read aloud, "Riff-ley rang-gee. Is that
right?"
"Well," said the tour guide, "I would have said rifle
range."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Business must follow numerous
rules and regulations laid down by government agencies. So maybe we shouldn't
have been surprised by the memo from the county Department of Health
Services.
"The month of August has been designated as Breast-Feeding
Awareness Month," it read. "It is a good time for employers to review their
policies relative to breast-feeding
employees."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After waiting more
than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood
up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some
popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she
flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He
took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late -- and you're still not
ready?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple came into
the church office to fill out a pre-marriage
questionnaire form. The young
man, who had never talked to a pastor
before, was quite nervous and the
pastor tried to put him at ease. When
they came to the question, "Are you
entering this marriage of your own
free will?" there was a long pause.
Finally, the girl looked over at the
apprehensive young man and said, "Put
down yes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Hercules transport
was due to arrive at the McGuire AFB bringing a patient, and we were to meet it
with the military ambulance. When I, a registered nurse, arrived, I saw a large
grey aircraft I couldn't identify quite a distance down the tarmac. Since it
could have been the plane I was to meet, I radioed operations and asked whether
it was the Hercules.
"No, Ma'am, that's an Aurora," came the reply. "When
the big fat green plane lands that's a
Hercules."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
QUESTION
Have you
noticed that when you wash tight clothes they get tighter,
but when you wash
loose clothes they only get looser?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can be
good, fast, and cheap.
Choose only
two.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
**** Reader's Submissions
****
Puppies For Sale
I
wonder how many of us amputees would get a free puppy!?!?!?!
-
A farmer
had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign
advertising the 4 pups
and set about nailing it to a post on the
edge of
his yard.
-
As
he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his
overalls. He
looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
-
"Mister," he said, "I want
to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said
the
farmer, as he rubbed the
sweat of the back of his neck, "These
puppies
come from fine parents and
cost a good deal of money."
-
The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his
pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and
held it up to the
farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to
take a
look?" "Sure,"said the farmer. And with that he let out a
whistle.
"Here, Dolly!" he called.
-
Out from the doghouse and down
the ramp ran Dolly followed by four
little balls of fur. The little boy
pressed his face against the
chain
link fence. His eyes danced with
delight.
-
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy
noticed
something else
stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another
little ball appeared,
this
one noticeably smaller.
-
Down the
ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little
pup
began
hobbling toward the others,doing
its best to catch up....
-
"I want
that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The
farmer
knelt
down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that
puppy.
He will
never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs
would."
-
With that the little boy stepped back
from the fence, reached down,
and began rolling up one leg of his
trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel
brace running down both
sides
of his leg attaching itself to a specially
made shoe.
-
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I
don't run too
well
myself, and he will need someone who understands."
-
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up
the
little pup.
Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
-
"How much?" asked the little boy.
-
"No charge," answered the
farmer, "There's no charge for love."
-
The world is full of people who
need someone who understands.
**** ON THIS DAY
****
~~~ How Much Does Patience Cost? ~~~
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at
a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?"
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his handout of his pocket and studied
a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain ice
cream?" he inquired.
Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress
was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said brusquely.
The little boy again counted the coins. "I'll have the plain
ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table
and walked away.
The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed.
When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table
and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly
beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies --her tip.
~
Whoever invented the first wheel was a fool; However
the
guy who invented the other three was a
genius.
**** HEADS
UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes
Please Help
This is a link for
FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical
activity for women
and men. Features include
health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user
forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/It takes less than a
minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free
(pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"
for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers
use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it
along to people you
know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Political
speeches are like steer horns... A point here,
a point
there, with a lot of bull in between.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This
is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is
excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When
you are young, it's wine, women and song.
When you get old, it's beer, the
old lady and television.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@joink.com
subject Line--- The
Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
|
Indy working toward deal for motorcycle
race |
|
|
By Michael
Marot, AP Sports Writer
INDIANAPOLIS —
Motorcycles could be racing at Indianapolis Motor Speedway next
year.
Track president Joie
Chitwood is in negotiations with MotoGP officials. If a deal is reached,
it would mark the first time in decades motorcycles have competed at the
famed track.
"I have had some
conversations with them this week, and we're working hard to put something
on the calendar," Chitwood told The Associated Press on Thursday. "But I
have not signed anything."
Speed Channel, a
television racing network, reported earlier in the day a deal already had
been completed for a fall race in 2008.
Motorcycles were the
first vehicles to race at the Speedway, in 1909, two years before the
first Indianapolis 500. Chitwood would like them back for the track's
centennial celebration.
But he said the two
sides are still trying to work out a date. Chitwood would prefer a summer
race; MotoGP, an international circuit, appears to prefer the
fall.
A summer race would
create an even more compact schedule for Indy officials, who have run
three major races - the IRL's Indianapolis 500, Formula One's U.S. Grand
Prix and NASCAR's Allstate 400 at the Brickyard - over about a two-month
span each year since 2004. It's the world's only track to host all three
series, which it has been doing since 2000.
The negotiations
with MotoGP come amid dealings with Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone to
keep America's only F1 race in Indy. Last summer, speedway chief executive
Tony George and Ecclestone signed a one-year extension to continue racing
on Indianapolis' 2.6-mile road course.
Chitwood wants a
long-term contract this time.
Last weekend,
Ecclestone appeared to be posturing for leverage when he said for the
second straight year that it was not essential for F1 to continue racing
in the U.S. He made similar comments throughout the weekend despite
multiple meetings with George. Ecclestone has also expressed interest in
running on the streets of a bigger city, such as Las Vegas or New
York.
Still, George
appeared confident the two sides could make a deal before a July 12
deadline imposed last weekend by race organizers, and Chitwood said
Thursday that a motorcycle race would not interfere with a return of
F1.
"They have nothing
to do with each other," Chitwood said. "We've been working for 18 months
on the motorcycles, so it has nothing to do with F1. It had more to do
with our history."
In a pre-race
interview last weekend with the AP, Chitwood acknowledged he wanted
motorcycles on next year's schedule but was uncertain about the timing. On
Thursday, he said time was running out to make it happen in
2008.
As for F1, Chitwood
said there have been no meetings since Sunday's race ended although he
remains optimistic a deal will be reached.
"I think everyone's
just catching their breath now," he said. "My thing with motorcycles is
that they were the first thing on the track in 1909 and it has nothing to
do with F1."
The Associated
Press |
|
|
|
Iowa Speedway, the
second-shortest track on the IndyCar Series schedule, is long on hype.
"It's like the Super
Bowl is coming to town," said retired NASCAR driver Rusty Wallace, the
track's designer.
"It's Richmond on
steroids," added Tony Kanaan, one of a handful of IndyCar drivers to test
at the track.
And the track's
hometown paper, the Newton Daily News, referred to the inaugural
Iowa Corn Indy 250 as "the highest-profile weekend of racing in Iowa
history."
Despite the buildup,
Wallace doesn't think the fans will leave Sunday's race disappointed — not
that he'd say anything different about his own offspring.
"It's like a child to
me, it really is," said Wallace, who has a 10% stake in the track. "I
watched it be built since birth, and (it's) just an amazing
track."
Its closest cousin
is the three-quarter-mile Richmond International Raceway, where Wallace
won six times as a Nextel Cup driver. RIR has been on the IndyCar schedule
since 2001 and has become a fan favorite for its tight racing and close
finishes.
"We made a
seven-eighths-mile track because we wanted to be unique," Wallace said.
"We wanted it small enough to be exciting, but big enough where we could
put a road course inside. It's a cool facility."
Speeds at Iowa
Speedway could reach 200 miles per hour down the straightaways of the
tri-oval leading into turns that range from 12 to 14 degrees of banking, a
formula for high G-forces and a physically demanding 250 laps of racing.
"As far as the
sensation of speed goes, the smaller the track, the more you feel it,"
said Kanaan, who is second behind Andretti Green Racing teammate Dario
Franchitti in the points standings. "You can carry the speed out (of the
turns) and go flat out all the way around because it's so
smooth."
Side-by-side racing
is almost a given, and three-wide racing on the 60-foot-wide track is a
possibility.
"You can really make
a difference there as a driver," Kanaan said.
The track, the first
designed by Wallace, debuted last September with a Hooters Pro Cup Series
race. Last month, an announced crowd of 24,741 turned out for a NASCAR
Grand National race.
The facility has
25,000 permanent seats and is expected to draw as many as 35,000 — more
than double the population of Newton — on Sunday with the addition of
temporary grandstands. The infrastructure is in place for the track to
expand, something Wallace says could happen if NASCAR's Busch or Craftsman
Truck series eventually join the IndyCar Series on the racing
calendar.
Wallace says he
hopes the track can help revitalize an area stung by the closure of
Maytag's corporate headquarters after the appliance company was purchased
by Whirlpool.
"It's definitely
given Newton a good shot in the arm," Wallace said. "Now, I think you're
going to see more industry coming into Newton, and I believe the racetrack
is going to be an anchor for all of that."
Wallace signed on in
April to design a track in California's Central Valley patterned after
Riverside (Calif.) International Raceway, which was demolished shortly
after his second win at the road course in 1988. He will work with many of
the same people, including Iowa Speedway's principal owner Brad Manatt and
track president Stan Clement.
|
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****
-22-
Ralph Sylvester Peer, country music record pioneer,
born Independence, MO 1892.
The seating capacity of the Ryman Auditorium was
increased, with the construction of the balcony in 1897. The extra space
was needed for an upcoming Confederate Veterans convention.
Frankie More, leader of the "Log Cabin Boys" born
1906.
Roy Drusky, singer/songwriter born Atlanta, GA
1930.
Kris Kristofferson born "Kristoffer Kristofferson,"
Brownsville, TX 1936.
Eddy Arnold's "One Kiss Too Many" was #1 in
1949.
Red Foley topped the charts with "Birmingham
Bounce" 1950.
Marty Robbins went to #1 with "Just Married"
1958.
Marty Robbins released "Devil Woman/April Fools
Day" 1962.
Ernie Ashworth's "Talk Back Trembling Lips" topped
the charts in 1963.
Cal Smith's single "Country Bumpkin" was #1 in
1974.
Merle Haggard recorded his #1 single "Going Where
The Lonely Go," 1981.
Waylon & Willie's "Just To Satisfy You" was #1
in 1982.
MCA released Mark Chesnutt's album "Almost Goodbye"
1993.
Warner Bros. released Bela Fleck's "Tales from the
Acoustic Planet, Vol. 2" 1999.
Shania Twain's "The Woman in Me" CD was certified
platinum 1995. Sales exceeded the 12 million mark in early 2004.
Michelle Poe debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 2004.
 **** COUNTRY
MUSIC NEWS ****
Toby Keith goes to the top with new disc
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 – Toby Keith's
new disc, "Big Dog Daddy" debuts at number one on the Billboard Top 200 and Top
Country Album sales chart this week, which will be officially released Thursday.
Keith takes over the top of the country album chart from Big & Rich's
"Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace."
"Big Dog Daddy" sold 204,000 units, less than the 330,000 of its
predecessor "White Trash With Money." The release, Keith's second on his own
Show Dog Nashville label, is his third to debut at number one overall and fifth
to bow atop the country chart. The first single from the disc was "High
Maintenance Woman," which made it into the top 10. A second single, "Love Me If
You Can," was the most added record at country radio this week.
The new album follows in the tracks of previous overall number 1
debuts,including "Shock'N Y'All" in November 2003, "Unleashed in July 2002,
"Honkytonk University in May 2005 and "Pull My Chain" in August
2001.
Faith Hill, Tim McGraw receive
Academy of Country Music honor
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 – Faith Hill and
Tim McGraw recently received the Academy of Country Music Career Achievement
Award at a special presentation at the June 5th kick off to their Soul2Soul Tour
2007 in Omaha, Neb.
Last year, Hill and McGraw's Soul2Soul Tour 2006 was the highest
grossing country music tour of all-time; the most attended concert tour of the
year, in any musical genre, at 33 venues nationwide; the only country music tour
to ever sell-out three consecutive nights at The Staples Center in Los Angeles;
the highest grossing concert tour of the year, in any musical genre, at 26
concert venues across the country; the most attended country music tour ever at
17 concert venues, including New York's Madison Square Garden - the tour
ultimately grew to 73 performances in 55 cities.
The ACM Career Achievement Award is presented to an individual
artist, duo, group or multiple artist collaboration who have advanced the
popularity and acceptance of country music through their endeavors in the
entertainment industry in multiple areas during the preceding calendar year. The
award is voted by the Academy of Country Music board of directors. Past honorees
have included John Anderson, Johnny Paycheck, Carl Perkins and Kenny Rogers.
"The Academy wanted to honor Faith and Tim's unique and special
achievements in 2006," said Bob Romeo, Executive Director of the Academy of
Country Music. "They truly excelled at every level, from touring to charitable
endeavors to film and television, and in the process brought attention to
country music throughout the world."
ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC HONORED DOLLY
PARTON, DON WILLIAMS, WAYLON JENNINGS, BUCK OWENS, HARLAN HOWARD, AND JACK
LAMEIER WITH SPECIAL AWARDS
ENCINO, CA (June 21, 2007)
– During a private industry ceremony last night, hosted by Marty Stuart, the
Academy of Country Music honored country music superstars and industry leaders
Harlan Howard, Waylon Jennings, Jack Lameier, Buck Owens, Dolly Parton and Don
Williams for their contribution to the country music industry.
The event
took place at the Tennessee State Museum in Nashville, Tennessee, where Marty
Stuart’s Sparkle & Twang exhibit of personal memorabilia is on
display.
Harlan Howard, Waylon Jennings, Dolly Parton and Don Williams
were honored with the Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award, presented to an outstanding
“pioneer” of country music.
Harlan Howard was one of the most
influential composers in country music. With more than 4,000 songs to his
credit, Howard worked with some of the industry’s biggest names including Patsy
Cline, Hank Williams Jr., Reba McEntire and more. Howard was honored
posthumously.
Trisha Yearwood performed, Ralph Murphy spoke about
Harlan, and Melanie Howard accepted on behalf her late father.
Waylon
Jennings is known as a renaissance man in country music. Jennings crafted a new
sound that combined his forceful electric guitar, rough-edged lyrics and diverse
range. From Buddy Holly to Willie Nelson, Jennings has worked with the best in
the business. He is also known worldwide for writing and performing the theme
song from The Dukes of Hazzard. Jennings will be honored posthumously.
Ray Scott performed, Nikki Mitchell spoke on behalf of Jessi Colter, and
Buddy Jennings accepted on behalf of his late brother.
Dolly Parton is by
far one of the most popular country icons of all time. From “I Will Always Love
You” to her Oscar nominated song “Travelin’ Thru,” Parton has many hits spanning
her long career. She is also known for breaking down barriers for women in
country music. Parton is known as a philanthropist as well, providing books to
schools across the country and scholarships to children from her home state of
Tennessee.
Ashley Monroe and Rhonda Vincent performed, Porter Wagoner
spoke about Dolly, and Dolly Parton accepted.
“This is a great honor.
Course when they told me I was winning the Pioneer Award, I thought well how
appropriate cause I remember when me and Porter came to Nashville in our covered
wagon,” joked Parton during her acceptance speech.
Don Williams is a
legendary singer and song writer in the country world. After seven years with
the folk group Pozo Seco Singers, Williams started a solo career that lead to 17
number one hits. Williams also developed a style that had gently paced love
songs with simple arrangements, vocals and sentiments. This style was Williams’
signature when collaborating with other artists. After much success in the
United States, Williams frequently tours the United Kingdom and South Africa.
Roger Cook performed, Robert Pratt spoke about Don, and Robert Pratt
accepted on behalf of his longtime management client.
Past honorees of
the Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award have included Alabama, Johnny Cash, Merle
Haggard, George Jones, Loretta Lynn, Willie Nelson, Tex Ritter, Hank Williams
Sr., and Bob Wills, among others.
Buck Owens was honored with the Jim
Reeves International Award, presented to an individual, not necessarily an
artist, for outstanding contribution to the acceptance of country music
throughout the world. Owens is one of the most admired country idols of all
time. In his astonishing career, he had 26 consecutive hits and was honored with
a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Owens’ influence on country music can be
heard today by Dwight Yoakam, Brad Paisley and countless others who carry his
legacy and introduce a new generation to his style. Owens will be honored
posthumously. Past honorees of the the Jim Reeves International Award have
included Roy Clark, Merv Griffin, Charlie Nagatani, and Louise Scruggs, among
others.
Connie Smith performed, Storme Warren spoke about Buck, Jerry
Hufford accepted on behalf of Buck.
Jack Lameier was honored with the Mae
Boren Axton Award, given in recognition of years of dedication and service by an
outstanding individual to the Academy of Country Music. Lameier served on the
Academy of Country Music Board of Directors for 28 years and was President for
two of those years. His career in music includes more than 40 years at Sony, and
he is a veteran in radio promoting and DJing. In 2006, he received the
President’s Award from the Country Radio Broadcasters. Past honorees of the Mae
Boren Axton Award have included Gaynelle Pitts, Gene Weed, Ray Pilzak and Marge
Meoli.
Ty Herndon performed, John Dorris spoke about Jack, Jack Lameier
accepted.
The ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC, an artist and industry-driven
organization, exists to produce a world-class network television awards show,
and its associated events, to provide the financial resources to ensure the
on-going philanthropic work of its Charitable Fund. Academy of Country Music
Charitable Fund promotes and supports music education and humanitarian programs
that transform the human spirit. Through its charitable donations, the ACMCF
works towards two main goals: encouraging Learning Through Music and Healing
Through Music. The Academy, which is comprised of more than 4,500 professional
members and more than 40,000 associate members, was established in 1964 and is
headquartered in Encino, Calif.
The ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS is
produced for television by dick clark productions. The show is executive
produced by Allen Shapiro and R.A. Clark, produced by Barry Adelman and directed
by Louis J. Horvitz. The executive in charge of production is Bob Bardo, and the
executive in charge is Francis LaMaina.
For more information on the
ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS and the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC, please visit
www.acmcountry.com. For more information on the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC
CHARITABLE FUND, please visit www.acmcf.org.
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
MEXICAN LASAGNA
6 EGGS
2
tablespoons water
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
5 large (10-inch) flour tortillas
1 can (15 oz.) refried beans with
green chilies, divided
2 cups (8 oz.) shredded reduced-fat Cheddar cheese,
divided
1/2 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
1 jar (12 oz.) salsa, divided
1 cup shredded zucchini
Cilantro sprigs, optional
In medium
bowl, beat together eggs, water, chili powder and curnin until well blended. In
10-inch skillet over medium heat, melt butter. Pour in egg mixture. Cover and
cook over low heat until eggs are almost set, about 7 to 9 minutes. Set
aside.
Place a tortilla in bottom of lightly greased 9 or 10-inch
springform pan. Spread with 1/2 of the beans and 1 cup of the Cheddar cheese.
Top with another tortilla, ricotta cheese, and 1/2 cup of the salsa. Top with
another tortilla, the reserved cooked egg and 1/2 cup of the salsa. Top with
another tortilla, the remaining beans, the zucchini, and 1/2 cup of the Cheddar
cheese. Top with the remaining tortilla.
Bake in preheated 350°F oven 20
minutes. Remove from oven and top with remaining salsa and Cheddar cheese. Bake
10 minutes more. Let stand 5 to 10 minutes. Remove rim of pan and cut into
wedges to serve. Garnish with cilantro sprigs, if desired.
Makes 6 to 8
servings
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
What causes the sound you hear when you hold a seashell up to
your ear?
The common explanation for the "sound of the sea"
effect is that the shell amplifies the sound of your blood coursing through your
head. Not so, says Verovnik Ivo and Mathelitsch Leopold, in a scientific paper
delivered in Udine, Italy. The seashell merely acts as a resonator, amplifying
certain frequencies of the noise one finds in any environment.
The New
York Times Science Q and A column concurs. When outside noises excite the air
inside the shell (which resonates at a characteristic frequency, i.e.,
"sea-sounding"), those swooshy sounds are created. And there are always outside
noises, otherwise known as ambient noises. Close your eyes right now and listen.
Hear them?
The spiral tips of conch shells were used as early hearing
aids. Using the same resonator principle, you can increase your hearing by five
to ten decibels by placing your hand behind your ear.
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
You Know You've Been
Online Too Long When...
Tech Support calls "YOU" for
help
LAST CALL
Y'ALL
.
A Very Loyal Wife...
This woman's husband had
been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by
his bedside every single day. One day,
when he came to, he motioned for her
to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You
have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired,
you were
there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I
got
shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed
right
here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You
know what?
"What dear", she gently asked, smiling as her heart
began to fill with
warmth.
"I think you're bad
luck."
  Yep
please, don't drive drunk
HEY, DON'T BE
A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we
polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
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