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Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

MONDAY JUNE  25,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: They say you can't have too much of a good thing. Boy, I wish I'd been part of that study

Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.

One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.

Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and started wearing it "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal. So am I."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They're a perfect match. . . He's a Chiropractor and she's a pain in the
neck.

They're a perfect match. . . He's a funny old goat and she's a great
kidder.

They're a perfect match. . . He doesn't have a dollar and she has no
sense.

They're a perfect match. . . He sells balloons for a living and she's
full of hot air.

They're a perfect match. . . He's bow-legged and she's straight as an
arrow.

They're a perfect match. . . He's a Geologist and she's got rocks in her
head.

They're a perfect match. . . She's a Math teacher and he's a guy with a
lot of problems.

They're a perfect match. . . He's a night watchman and she's never
worked a day in her life.

They're a perfect match. . . She's a Geometry teacher and he knows all
the angles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I decided to warm up before heading out cross-country skiing. I firmly planted my hands on the trunk of my car and stretched my legs behind. A young girl and her father passed by and I heard the child ask, "Daddy, aren't you going to help her push?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had received a puppy from their grandparents. In order to help the puppy sleep at night, we put a ticking clock in the crate with her. She settled down-until the early hours, when we woke to her barking and whining. Upon investigating, we discovered we had left the alarm set for 4 a.m.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Despite the rain that seems to accompany us on every trip, my husband and I are avid campers, and so is our daughter, Amy. The year Amy was five years old, however, our two-week vacation began with pleasant sunny weather. After we returned home, Amy was telling her granny all about our trip. "We drove and drove and drove till we found rain. Then we camped!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rather than have all six pallbearers cramped into one car, the funeral director asked me if I'd mind driving with him. I accompanied him to the hearse, and just as the procession got underway, I decided to have a cigarette. Before lighting it, I asked the director if he'd mind, "No, I don't mind," he said. "You'll never hear an undertaker say don't smoke."

A few weeks later I quit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffer. Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother into town for the shopping.

All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park.

"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister Lucy. "You go into the supermarket and I'll drive around the block until you come out."

Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around the store shopping quickly, then rushing back to the curbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be?

Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman.

"Excuse me, Officer," she said. "Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"

"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing would surprise me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you ever wonder?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

and finally...

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At his wife's insistence, Goldberg finally went to his doctor for a
check up.

"You look terrible," said the doctor. "Do you drink?"

"Why yes, plenty." said Goldberg.

"I start every day with a bottle of schnapps."

"And with that cough," the doctor continued, "you probably are a
smoker."

"You bet," said Goldberg, "Three packs a day for me."

"Look Mr. Goldberg," the doctor said. "You are not a healthy man. You're
going to have to give up smoking and drinking right away, and that's an
order. And before you go, that'll be $50 for my advice."

Goldberg replies, "So who's taking it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A missionary in Africa was reading his bible in a clearing, when a lion
came up and laid down beside him. As he quickly prayed for deliverance,
another lion came out of the brush and laid down on his other side.

Convinced this was some sort of test of his faith, he slowly returned to
reading his bible, trying to remain as quiet and still as he possibly
could.

But as soon as he started to read, the two lions pounced on the
missionary and devoured every last bit of him.


Moral:   Don't try to read between the lions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        Out in west Texas there was a crossroads general store that
served the community. The proprietor was a religious man and was
in the habit of quoting a verse of scripture as he rang the sale up on
the register.
       One Day a easterner or Californian looking fella' stopped at the
store. He asked the operator if he carried saddle pads. The Proprietor ,who
stocked just one good serviceable saddle pad, said yes and proceeded to
take down a yellow and brown pad. Laying it on the counter he said, "That's
$12.50". The Stranger hesitated a moment and then asked, "Do you have
one of better quality than this"?
       The Proprietor was some what startled at this request but being a
astute judge of people, reached up and pulled down a blue pad and said
"This is a popular seller at $27.50." The stranger looked at it and asked,
"Would you have one of a little better quality?"
       The Proprietor was quite perplexed as he only carried the one pad in
three colors and he was out of green. Suddenly he remembered he had
a pad in the store room.
       "One moment sir", he says, "I have a special order in the stock room
that I can replace"
       He comes back with the loudest lipstick pink saddle pad known to man.
AS a matter of self defense and for peace and quite, he had hid the pad
which had caused it's fair share of fist fights when one cowboy suggested
it would look plum nice on someone else's horse.
       Laying this florescent pink pad on the counter, with proper and
thoughtful care, he said," This one is $ 72.50." and the stranger say's "I'll
take it."
       As the Proprietor started to ring the sale up there was a hushed
silence in the store as other customers strained to hear what he would say..
The Proprietor said, as he closed the drawer, "I met a stranger and took him
in."

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**** Reader's Submissions ****

Shortly after I had my car repaired, the mechanic who fixed it asked me to bring it back. I watched as he opened the hood and removed a tool he had left behind. In a conspiratorial voice I said, "If you were a surgeon, I'd sue for malpractice." "Yeah, but if I was a surgeon," he replied, "I'd charge you for having to go back in."

≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the Mac there is an icon of trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

Some of my co-workers and I decided to remove the small, wooden suggestion box from our office because it had received so few entries. We stuck the box on top of a seven-foot-high metal storage cabinet and then promptly forgot about it. Months later, when the box was moved during remodelling, we found a single slip of paper inside. The suggestion read, "Lower the box!"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No, thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked. "Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said... "Please bring up a postcard. I'll mail her a note!"

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it that said: 'Broken.' A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. 'What are you doing?' he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. 'There's plenty of time left!'

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

I think 35 is the perfect age. At 35 you are old enough to be pretty well established in who you are and what you are doing. At the same time, you have come to realize that you actually were pretty stupid in your younger years.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥

When a fellow piano tuner was ill, I took over his assignment of tuning a piano in a girls' boarding house. While I was at work, several of the girls strolled casually through the room in various states of undress. The climax came when a young lady in startling deshabille appeared to pay the bill. As I was writing the receipt, she suddenly gave me a bewildered look, then fled, screaming, "That's not our regular man!" Their regular man is blind.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She sent the following email: "If anybody can say where they lost $70, please let me know and it will be returned to you."

Within minutes one employee emailed back, "Kentucky Derby, 2001."

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies

* When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

* The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him an impossible time limit to finish the job. * All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

* It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.

* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

* Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

* If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

* You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do. * If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or the forthcoming art exhibition.

* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

* When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

* Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤
Fred

GAME FROM NORM
Get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!! 
  
GET READY THEY ARE FAST
         http://www.resist.com/other/border_patrol.swf


**** ON THIS DAY ****

Mirror, mirror on the wall
You're not playing fair at all
I'm really now upset with you
For giving your distorted view

You show my hair is turning gray
It's just the way the shadows play
I know that you're not hanging straight
To make me look so over weight

The way you show a double chin
Is just the way the light comes in
I think I'm fine, but you're so wise
To put such accent on my thighs.

I wish you'd try to be my friend
And tell me I'm a little thin
Just tell me I look good in jeans
And frilly shirts and pretty things.

Please don't let the wrinkles show
I'd like to have a pretty glow
I see you won't respond at all
So I'll just tear you off the wall.

Diamond L'iL

Bet Ya' Didn't Know:

The average human eye can distinguish about 500 different
shades of gray.

Country singer Dolly Parton's first record, "Puppy Love," was
released on March 20, 1959. She was 13 years old.

Because its eyeball is fixed, the whale must move its huge
body to shift its line of sight.

The female condor lays a single egg once every two years.

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an
ounce is used to start the average automobile.

Water has a greater molecular density in liquid form than as
a solid. This is why ice floats.

The average American sees or hears 560 advertisements a day.

 

10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.

A person afflicted with hexadectylism has six fingers or six toes
on one or both hands and feet.

A poll of 3,000 Americans found that for 41 percent, the thing
they're most afraid of is speaking before a group of people.
32 percent stated they were afraid of heights.

Air pollution may contribute to two percent of all deaths in the US,
some 50,000 cases per year. A nine-year study of US cities
showed a strong correlation between death rates and periods of
significant pollution.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world.

The word “maverick” came into use after Samuel Maverick,
a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded
calf became known as a Maverick.

Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a

personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Dario Franchitti wins the Iowa Corn Indy 250 By LUKE MEREDITH, AP Sports Writer June 24, 2007 NEWTON, Iowa (AP) -- Dario Franchitti hung around the lead as car after car ran into trouble on the Iowa Speedway's new short oval. He made a daring move to grab the top spot as soon as he saw an opening, then kept it by using his head. Franchitti, the IndyCar Series points leader, survived a slippery track and a furious late charge from teammate Marco Andretti to win the inaugural Iowa Corn Indy 250 on Sunday. Franchitti, whose other victory in 2007 came at the Indy 500, held the cherished bottom line on the final laps to win by 0.0681 seconds. The victory helped Franchitti open a 51-point lead over Tony Kanaan in the overall standings. ``I knew if I stopped at the yellow line, Marco was going to have a hard time getting around me,'' Franchitti said. ``He was very smart.'' Scott Sharp was third, followed by Buddy Rice and Darren Manning. Eight of the top 10 drivers in the points standings, including Kanaan and Sam Hornish Jr., were either involved in crashes or had mechanical trouble through the first 100 laps. Unseasonably cool weather left the drivers with cold tires coming out of pit stops. That led to three accidents that knocked out seven cars on the 0.875-mile track, which ran fast and offered very little room to maneuver. Franchitti went high up the steep banking to pass Rice on lap 151 and take the lead. He was quickly joined by Andretti, and the pair took a sizable edge over the rest of the field. Franchitti made his final pit stop with 35 laps to go, refusing to take new tires and opting for fuel only. That decision proved critical in the final laps. Franchitti opened his lead to more than 5 seconds shortly after pitting, but a caution flag allowed Andretti to close the gap. ``We took a bit of a gamble there at the end to extend our lead and it worked for us,'' Franchitti said. ``We didn't need that last yellow, though the car was fantastic all day.'' Franchitti held the inside groove, however, and Andretti never got a chance to make a move. ``At the end it came down to just the two of us, and I had nothing for Dario,'' Andretti said. Nonetheless, Andretti seems to have snapped out of his sophomore slump. It was his best finish of the season, and it came after five races where he didn't crack the top 10. ``There's definitely no confidence lost here,'' Andretti said. A multiple-car crash on the 99th lap changed the course of the race, knocking Danica Patrick, Sam Hornish Jr., A.J. Foyt IV and Kosuke Matsuura out of contention. Patrick made contact with Ed Carpenter, and Hornish and Foyt got tangled up in the mess. Carpenter's car spun around completely, but he continued. ``It's a cold day and the tires are really hard,'' said Patrick, coming off the best finish of her career, third, at Texas Motor Speedway two weeks ago. ``Unfortunately, this is just a lost race.'' Helio Castroneves and Franchitti came out 1-2 after the first caution flag. Castroneves held the lead until he spun coming out of his first pit stop, 71 laps in. He rallied to finish eighth. Kanaan's car fishtailed on lap 85, and Jeff Simmons caught his back tires as he tried to pass high. The accident ended the day for both Kanaan and Simmons. ``I was having a good run and ran into some turbulence, just got loose and hit the wall,'' Kanaan said. Pole-sitter Scott Dixon's day was effectively over almost as soon as it began. He pitted right before the end of the first caution flag, which came out on the first lap, because of issues with his steering wheel. Dixon re-entered the race and finished 10th. ``The steering just seized up, and I couldn't turn anywhere past halfway,'' Dixon said. ``Even if we were able to get back out there for some championship points, it's very disappointing to have that ruin your race.'' The first caution came after Tomas Scheckter collided with Dan Wheldon when the back end of Wheldon's car flew open on the first lap. The accident knocked Scheckter out of the race and put Wheldon hopelessly behind. Wheldon finished 11th. ``I am shocked,'' Wheldon said. ``It doesn't seem like anything is going my way right now.'' Wheldon, like nearly everyone else looking up at Franchitti in the standings, found themselves tangled up in one mess or another on the track, which yielded six caution flags. Franchitti took note of that, and waited for an opening once the field was whittled down. ``I saw that most of the contenders that were pushing me in the championship had had their problems. So we knew we couldn't do anything stupid,'' Franchitti said. ``We played a conservative game.''

ORDER OF FINISH

1	Dario Franchitti (27)	...	17.6758	182.079	248	17.6890	181.944	250	D/H/F	Pit
2	Marco Andretti (26)	0.0681	17.6460	182.387	250	17.6460	182.387	250	D/H/F	Pit
3	Scott Sharp (8)	1.0577	17.7318	181.504	246	17.7536	181.282	250	D/H/F	Pit
4	Buddy Rice (15)	4.2426	17.7421	181.399	47	17.8105	180.702	250	D/H/F	Pit
5	Darren Manning (14)	5.2156	17.7262	181.562	195	17.9257	179.541	250	D/H/F	Pit
6	Ed Carpenter (20)	3 laps	17.7214	181.611	246	25.6278	125.582	247	D/H/F	Pit
7	Sarah Fisher (5)	55.6412	17.9054	179.745	169	18.1767	177.062	247	D/H/F	Pit
8	Helio Castroneves (3)	4 laps	17.5946	182.920	240	17.7553	181.264	246	D/H/F	Pit
9	Vitor Meira (4)	34 laps	17.6323	182.529	19	33.3986	96.363	216	D/H/F	Mechanical
10	Scott Dixon (9)	77 laps	22.2110	144.901	1	17.6100	182.760	173	D/H/F	Pit
11	Dan Wheldon (10)	105 laps	17.8670	180.131	60	17.9715	179.084	145	D/H/F	Pit
12	AJ Foyt IV (22)	151 laps	17.7069	181.760	24	28.2225	114.037	99	D/H/F	Accident
13	Danica Patrick (7)	0.0584	17.7218	181.607	57	28.6463	112.350	99	D/H/F	Accident
14	Sam Hornish Jr (6)	0.1629	17.7284	181.539	66	26.7742	120.205	99	D/H/F	Accident
15	Kosuke Matsuura (55)	0.8453	17.6960	181.872	33	26.0830	123.391	99	D/H/F	Accident
16	Tony Kanaan (11)	165 laps	17.6692	182.147	50	18.1056	177.757	85	D/H/F	Accident
17	Jeff Simmons (17)	0.1540	17.6991	181.840	46	18.1713	177.114	85	D/H/F	Accident
18	Milka Duno (23)	190 laps	18.3520	175.371	18	19.9727	161.140	60	D/H/F	Handling
19	Tomas Scheckter (2)	250 laps	-0.0001	0.000	0	26.1098	123.264	0	D/H/F	Accident

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-24-

Ramblin' Tommy Scott, "Tommy Lee Scott," born Stephens County, GA 1917.

Johnnie Bailes of the Bailes Brothers, born West Virginia 1918.

Daddy Dick Richards born 1918.

Johnny Hathcock, songwriter, born in Texas 1919.

Carl Hayes born 1926.

Connie Hall, singer/songwriter born Walden, KY 1929.

Louise Duncan born 1932.

Joey Castle, a.k.a. Cliff Rivers, Rockabilly singer, born NYC 1942.

Lefty Frizzell topped the charts with "I Want To Be With You Always" 1951.

Steuart Smith, guitarist, songwriter, producer, born Baltimore, MD 1952.

Buck Owens & Rose Maddox released "We're The Talk Of The Town/Sweetheart In Heaven" 1963.

Connie Smith signed with RCA Records 1964.

Sonny James' single "That's Why I Love You Like I Do" went to #1 in 1972.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Monster's Holiday" 1974.

Foy Willing born "Foy Willingham" leader of "Riders of the Purple Sage" died 1978.

Joe Sun's "Old Flames Can't Hold A Candle To You," charted 1978.

The Oak Ridge Boys celebrated their first #1, "I'll Be True to You" 1978.

Johnny Cash performed for the Billy Graham Crusade in Nashville, Tennessee, from the 24^{th through the 27th, in 1979.}

Marshall Grant sued Johnny Cash for $2.6 million dollars in 1981.

John Anderson recorded the last session at Owen Bradley's legendary studio "The Hut" in 1982. The Music Row studio was once home to Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Lefty Frizzell, Marty Robbins, Loretta Lynn and may others.

Garth Brooks debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1989.

Capitol released Tennessee Ernie Ford's album "Red, White & Blue" 1991.

Curb Records released Jeff Carson's "Butterfly Kisses" 1997.

Dixie Chick Natalie Maines, married actor Adrian Pasdar, in Las Vegas, 2002.

-25-

Bud Davis born 1921.

Glenn Tubb born 1935.

Billboard magazine retitled its Hillbilly Music Chart "Country & Western," in 1949.

Eddy Arnold's single "Cattle Call" hit the charts 1955.

Marty Robbins & Lee Emerson released "I'll Know Your Gone/How Long Will It Be" 1956.

Lew Dewitt retired from the Statler Brothers 1982.

Jenifer Strait, age 13, daughter of George and Norma Strait, died in a car wreck 1986.

Boudleaux Bryant, age 67, master songwriter, died in Knoxville, TN 1987. Inducted NSHF 1972, CMHF 1991.

Warner Brothers released David Ball's album "Starlite Lounge" 1996.

The Ryman Auditorium was declared a National Historic Landmark in 2001.

Dierks Bentley was honored when People Magazine included him in its annual bachelor's issue, listing him among the nation's most eligible single men 2004.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Jo Dee Messina announces engagement

Saturday, June 23, 2007 – Jo Dee Messina announced her engagement Friday to Albuquerque, N.M. native Chris Deffenbaugh.

"This is such a happy time for us," said the couple in a joint statement. "And we are so appreciative for each other and for our families, friends and fans that have sent us cards and emails. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts."

Messina, originally from the Boston area, is an award winning, multi-platinum recording artist who has sold more than 5 million albums. She's had nine number one singles, three number one albums ("Burn," "Greatest Hits" and "Delicious Surprise") and is currently putting the finishing touches on a new album slated for release this fall.

Deffenbaugh owns and operates Deffenblaster Enterprises, which builds custom road cases and audio equipment.

The couple has planned a fall wedding.

Messina was previously engaged to her road manager, but broke off the engagement.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Crock pot Dessert Delight

1 (21oz) can cherry or apple pie filling
1 (18-1/4oz) pkg. yellow cake mix
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1/3 cup walnuts, chopped (optional)

Place the pie filling into the crock-pot. Combine the dry cake mix
and melted butter; mix until crumbly then sprinkle over pie filling.
Sprinkle the walnuts on top. Cover and cook on low for 2 to 3 hours.

Low / No Fat:

 STRAWBERRY-RHUBARB BREAD PUDDING
Low Sodium | Low Sat Fat | Heart Healthy
Gingersnaps add a sublime note to the classic spring combination of
strawberries and rhubarb.  Makes 8 servings

Custard
4 large egg whites
4 large eggs
1 cup skim milk

Seasonings
1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon freshly grated orange zest

Bread & filling
4 cups whole-grain bread, crusts removed if desired, cut into 1-inch
cubes (about 1/2 pound, 4-6 slices)
2 cups roughly broken gingersnaps
2 cups quartered strawberries, fresh or frozen (thawed)
1 cup diced rhubarb
1/4 cup chopped walnuts, lightly toasted (see Tip)

Topping
1/4 cup chopped walnuts, lightly toasted, or Streusel Topping (see Tip)
1. Preheat oven to 375F. Coat an 11-by-7-inch glass baking dish or a
2-quart casserole with cooking spray.
2. To prepare custard: Whisk egg whites, eggs and milk in a medium bowl.
Add sugar, vanilla and orange zest: whisk to combine.
3. Toss bread, gingersnaps, strawberries, rhubarb and 1/4 cup walnuts in
a large bowl. Add the custard and toss well to coat. Transfer to the
prepared baking dish and push down to compact. Cover with foil.
4. Bake until the custard has set, 40 to 45 minutes. Uncover, sprinkle
with 1/4 cup walnuts (or Streusel Topping) and continue baking until the
pudding is puffed and golden on top, 15 to 20 minutes more. Transfer to
a wire rack and cool for 15 to 20 minutes before serving.

NUTRITION INFORMATION: Per Serving: 320 calories; 10 g fat (2 g sat, 3 g
mono); 106 mg cholesterol; 46 g carbohydrate; 11 g protein; 4 g fiber;
334 mg sodium; 374 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus: Vitamin C (43% daily value), Folate (26% dv), Iron (20%
dv).
3 Carbohydrate Servings

TIP: Spread walnuts on a baking sheet, place in a preheated 350 degree F
oven and toast, stirring once, until fragrant and lightly browned, 7 to
9 minutes. To make streusel topping: Combine 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup oats
(preferably old-fashioned), 2 tablespoons brown sugar and 2 tablespoons
canola oil in a small bowl. Spread the mixture on top of the pudding
after the initial 40 to 45 minutes of baking.

  Oreo Muffins from Kraft Foods
 
1-3/4 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3 cup cold margarine or butter
1 egg
1 cup milk
16 OREO Cookies, coarsely chopped (about 2 cups)
 
PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Mix flour, sugar, baking powder
and salt in medium bowl. Cut in margarine with pastry blender
or 2 knives until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. BEAT
egg and milk with wire whisk until well blended. Add to flour
mixture; stir just until moistened. Gently stir in chopped
cookies. Spoon evenly into 12 greased or paper-lined medium
muffin cups. BAKE 15 to 20 minutes or until toothpick
inserted in centers comes out clean. Remove from pan; cool
slightly on wire rack. Serve warm.

How To Mix Muffins Stir the liquid and dry ingredients just until
moistened. (The batter can still contain a few lumps.) If the batter
is mixed too well, the muffins will have a tough texture.
 
 12 servings, 1 muffin each
Nutrition (per serving) Calories 220  Total fat 9g  Saturated fat 2g 
Cholesterol 20mg  Sodium 380mg  Carbohydrate 30g  Dietary fiber 1g 
Sugars 11g  Protein 4g

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Where was the Garden of Eden supposedly located?

This is a very popular topic among Christian online resources. An article by researcher Dora Jane Hamblin notes that the Book of Genesis is actually quite specific regarding the location of the garden of Eden:

"And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads. The name of the first is Pison...And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia. And the name of the third river is Hiddekel [Tigris]: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates. -- (Genesis 2:10-14)"

Thus, Eden holds the headwaters of four major rivers and should be fairly easy to identify. The Tigris and Euphrates are well known, but identifying the rivers of Pison and Gihon has puzzled researchers for years. There is no consensus on the geographical basis for the Garden of Eden, but several sites have been suggested.

Archaeologist David Rohl claims to have located the site in a "lush valley beneath an extinct volcano in Iran." Others have suggested it lies somewhere in the Tigris and Euphrates Valley, under the waters of the Persian Gulf, or even in Missouri. The jury is still out



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Why couldn't the Lord have rested two days instead of just one

So, I'm driving down the road late one night and the guy in front of me
is swerving left and right and left and right, then suddenly plunges over
the edge of the road and drops into a 30 foot deep quarry along side
the road!
I quickly jumped out of my truck and ran to the edge of the road and
yelled down.. "Hey! everybody alright down there?!!" - and I heard
this drunken voice come back up at me, "Oh yeah.. I'm alright mister.
I guess I had the Lord riding with me!".
I yelled back, "Well you better let him drive with me, yer gonna kill him!"

LAST CALL Y'ALL
I heard a story one time about an executive whose secretary was
out sick, and was replaced by one from the secretarial pool.
She typed up some correspondence and brought it to the executive
for signature.

When she came back to get the correspondence, the executive said,
"You will have to type this one over. You left a word out,"
and he showed her where it should have been.

She replied, "You mean the word 'not?'"

He said, "Yes. You mean you knew you left the word out but
still brought that document in for my signature?" She answered,
"I didn't think that little word 'not' made all that difference."

The boss said, "Really? What if they left that little word 'not'
out of the Ten Commandments?"



HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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