Archives at Zinester: The Daily Funnies. The Funnies. Humor & Jokes

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE FUNNIES

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

WEDNESDAY&THURSDAY JUNE 4-5,2007

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Research shows the first five minutes of life can be the most risky.Somehow I think that the last five minutes aren't so hot either.

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, DC came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual." He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the worsening deficit and economy, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About four gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~GOOFPROOF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?" Little Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~
The way it goes
Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern
marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners.

So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy
breakfast in bed.

Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I
wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled
egg.

Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted
poached this morning!"

Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love
two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!"

Kathy was furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and
asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you
what I mean."

With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random.
To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't
you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy
with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed
him. Now watch...."

The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the
father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and
I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve
calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger.
Now I'll show you what exasperation means."

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!"

The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any
calls for me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman
called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he
replied. "bring it right in."

A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her
small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit.

"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a
couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit."

She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her
first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the
instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people
behind you know what you're doing." Elizabeth turned to the students
sitting in the backseat and announced, "I'm going left."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monty double-parked his car and rushed into a drugstore. He found the pharmacist and said anxiously, "Can you give me something quick that will cure a horrible case of hiccups?"

Without saying a word, the pharmacist gave him a hard slap across the face. "What did you do that for?" asked the stunned Monty. The pharmacist smiled and said, "Well, since I slapped you, you haven't had the hiccups."

"That's right," growled Monty, "but my wife out in the car still has them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A government minister from Africa is on an official visit to France and is invited to his counterpart's house for dinner. Seeing the sumptuous villa of the Frenchman and all the art masterworks on the walls, he asks the Frenchman how he can afford such a lifestyle with his rather modest pay as a servant of the French Republic.

The Frenchman leads him to the window: "Do you see that superhighway over there?"

--"Yes."

It cost 20 billion; the contractor billed it as 25 and paid me the difference.

Two years later, the French minister was on an official visit in Africa, and he pays his counterpart a visit. When he arrives, he discovers a palace like you've never seen before! Dumbfounded, he asks, "But I don't understand, two years ago, you thought that I was leading a royal life, but compared to you...why...."

The African leads him over to the window: "Do you see that superhighway over there?"

--"uh, no."

"Well, now you know!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co- worker.

"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing."

A truck ran a red light, almost side swiping our car. As my husband veered away, he threw his arm across me, protecting me from a possible collision. I was ready to plant a big kiss on my hero's cheek when he apologized.

In his haste, he admitted, he had forgotten it was me in the front seat and not our black Labrador, Checkers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went through the drive-thru lane of a fast food restaurant with a friend of mine. We ordered and pulled up to the window. We were promptly handed change. I handed the money back, telling the cashier it wasn't ours. (we had not yet paid.) He came back a few seconds later with a different amount. After the Third attempt to pay (and the cashier was getting upset) we accepted our food and the money and left.

Considering the quality of the food, maybe being paid to eat there was fair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guess who was at the auto show in Detroit opening night? Bill Clinton. And they had the beautiful auto show models, showing the cars, you know. And he was seen talking to one of the models apparently about the price for a hummer.

---David Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The chance of a surprise visit by your relatives is directly
proportional to the size of the mess in your home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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**** DIABETIC NEWS ****

Exercise Key in Control of Type 2 Diabetes

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People with type 2 diabetes
may go a long way in managing their condition if they
take up regular exercise, a new research review shows.

Researchers found that when they combined the results
from 103 studies, there was clear evidence that lifestyle
changes helped people with type 2 diabetes gain better
control over their blood sugar.

But while diet, exercise and medication are all vital to
diabetes management, exercise alone was effective in these
studies.

In fact, the review found, studies that focused only on
boosting exercise levels yielded greater benefits than
those that tried to change patients' diets, exercise
habits and medication adherence all at once.

The findings "could mean that it is easier for people to
focus on one thing at a time," lead study author Dr. Vicki
Conn said in a statement. "It is easy for people to get
overwhelmed when asked to make too many changes."

Conn and her colleagues at the University of Missouri-
Columbia report the findings in the journal Diabetologia.

For their study, the researchers combined the results of
103 studies that involved a total of 10,455 adults with
type 2 diabetes, a disorder in which the body cannot
properly use the blood-sugar-regulating hormone insulin.

Type 2 diabetes is closely linked to obesity, and diet,
exercise and adherence to medication are the cornerstones
of managing the disease. But Conn's team found that blood
sugar improvements were twice as great in studies that
focused on exercise alone than in those that tried to
improve diet, exercise and medication adherence.

Importantly, the researchers point out, exercise helped
study participants regardless of their weight or how poor
their blood sugar control had been in the past.

"The improvements from exercise," Conn said, "were equal
across the board."

SOURCE: Diabetologia May 2007.

**** Reader's Submissions ****

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God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand

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We are dispensing with our usual opening to celebrate the Birthday of America.? We hope you all are having or had a Great 4th!

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A lot of things happened on the 4th of July ... How many of these events can you recall?

This is Wednesday, July 4, the 185th day of 2007 with 180 to follow.

This is Independence Day in the United States.

This Day in History, July 4

On July 4th, 1817, construction began on the Erie Canal.

?? ?Other Notable Events, July 4

In 1776, the Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence, proclaiming U.S. independence from Britain.

In 1826, in one of history's notable coincidences, former U.S. Presidents John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died, 50 years to the day after the Declaration of Independence was adopted.

In 1863, Union troops defeated Confederate forces in a battle at Vicksburg, Miss.

In 1895, the poem "America the Beautiful," by Wellesley College Professor Katherine Lee Bates, was published.

In 1914, director D.W. Griffith began filming his controversial film "Birth of a Nation," which introduced important new filmmaking techniques and influenced many other directors.

In 1986, more than 250 sailing ships and the United States' biggest fireworks display honored the Statue of Liberty in its 100th birthday year.

In 1994, French forces in Rwanda established a security zone for refugees.

In 1995, the British Parliament reconfirmed John Majors as prime minister.

In 1997, NASA's Pathfinder landed on Mars to become the first U.S. spacecraft to land on the planet in more than two decades.

Also in 1997, Mexico's top drug lord died in a Mexico City hospital following plastic surgery to change his appearance.

In 1999, top-seeded Pete Sampras won his sixth Wimbledon men's singles title, defeating fellow American Andre Agassi.

In 2002, with the nation on alert for a possible terrorist attack, a gunman killed two people at the Los Angeles International Airport near a ticket counter of El Al, the Israeli airline, before he was killed by a guard.

In 2003, with the lack of international markets after a lone case of mad cow disease, Canadian beef prices in grocery stores fell to as low as 75 cents a pound.

Also in 2003, three attackers killed 50 people and injured dozens of others when they opened fire at a Shiite mosque in Quetta, Pakistan.

In 2005, NASA's "Deep Impact" spacecraft wound up an 85 million-mile journey by intentionally slamming into the Tempel 1 comet to learn more about comets and other aspects of the solar system.

In 2006, North Korea test launched seven ballistic missiles in what it called "routine military exercises," kicking up a firestorm of anger amidst its neighbors and the United States. One missile, the only long-range one tested, reportedly was capable of hitting the western United States.

Also in 2006, the first U.S. space shuttle flight in almost a year began when the Discovery was launched from the space center at Cape Canaveral.

Copyright 2007 by United Press International

Notable Birthdays for July 4

Those born on this date include:
- author Nathaniel Hawthorne in 1804
- Songwriter Stephen Foster ("Oh! Susannah," "Beautiful Dreamer") in 1826
- Circus operator James Bailey (Barnum and Bailey) in 1847
- Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the United States, in 1872
- Innovative cartoonist Rube Goldberg in 1883
- Louis B. Mayer, film mogul and co-founder of MGM, in 1885
- Actor/politician George Murphy in 1902
- Conductor Mitch Miller in 1911 (age 96)
- Ann Landers, advice columnist, in 1918
- Her twin, also an advice columnist, Abigail Van Buren in 1918 (age 89)
- Former hotel executive Leona Helmsley in 1920 (age 87)
- Actress Eva Marie Saint in 1924 (age 83)
- Playwright Neil Simon in 1927 (age 80)
- Actress Gina Lollobrigida in 1927 (age 80)
- Al Davis, Oakland Raiders owner, in 1929 (age 78)
- New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner in 1930 (age 77)
- TV reporter Geraldo Rivera in 1943 (age 64)
- And tennis player Pam Shriver in 1962 (age 45).

Copyright 2007 by United Press International

Classic Quotes by Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933) 30th U.S. President

Advertising is the life of trade.

---------------

Advertising ministers to the spiritual side of trade. It is great power that has been entrusted to your keeping which charges you with the high responsibility of inspiring and ennobling the commercial world. It is all part of the greater work of the regeneration and redemption of mankind.

---------------

After all, the chief business of the American people is business.

---------------

All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work.

---------------

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

---------------

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.

---------------

Education will not (take the place of persistance); the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

---------------

Four-fifths of all our troubles would disappear, if we would only sit down and keep still.

Happy Independence Day!

??

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A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."

The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

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Age By Car Radio

Student:

Every button is programmed to pop, rock, and rap -- except the oldie's

station for your parents.

Young Professional:

Still programmed to rap, rock, and pop, plus the station that gives the

traffic reports. As you approach the 30's, you'll probably also add the talk

station that everyone at work talks about.

Established Professional:

Will use the "scan" button and hear the first pop tune you learned as a kid

on the oldie's station.

Approaching Middle Age:

Thank goodness for "adult" pop, rock, and soul; will actually listen to the

oldies for a few tunes.

Truly Middle Age:

It's not that you're old enough to listen to the oldies, it's just that they

keep playing songs you know.

Approaching Retirement:

The radio is either on the oldies or off.

Retired:

Stopped listening to the radio -- that "oldies" station started playing all

of this "new music"

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Two cockroaches are having lunch.? The first says to the second, "You should

have seen the kitchen I was in yesterday.? It was immaculate.? There wasn't

a crumb on the floor."

The second cockroach says, "Please, not while I'm eating."

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Turning 50 two years ago, I took a lot of good-natured ribbing from family and friends. So as my wife's 50th birthday approached, I decided to get in some needling of my own. I sat her down, looked deep into her eyes, then said I had never made love to anyone who was over 50 years old. "Oh well, I have," she deadpanned. "It's not that great."

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A good friend of mine, who seems to be going through some kind of midlife crisis, was dejected. "I went to one of the most preeminent plastic surgeons in Chicago to schedule liposuction so that I could once and for all loose this spare tire," he said pinching an inch, "but he gave me bad news. He said that my fat cells aren't subcutaneous. They don't form a layer beneath my skin. Instead, my fat is marbled in with my muscle, so liposuction is not an option."

"Oh, well, look on the bright side," I said, "if you're ever in a plane crash and they have to eat you, you'll cook up moist and tender."

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To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up nine months pregnant to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby."

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TEACHER: "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?"?

STUDENT: "On the bottom!"

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Father: Did Ray bring you home last night?

Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you?

Father: No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise. It was the silence.

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When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor.

I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt.

She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef."

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When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, "You're interested in someone who's 104?"

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"I lived through the garbage. I might as well dine on the caviar."

"There are no short cuts to anywhere worth going."

(Beverly Sills...May 25, 1929--July 2, 2007)

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the mae d'. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

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THE INVISIBLE SOLDIER

You can tell her by the twinkle in her eye, At parades when the flag marches by. She served our country and she served it very well. Some have even served a tour or two in Hell.

She suffered hardship and never ceased to care. It gave us strength just to know that she was there. She was a leader, you could tell by the rank she wore, But she became the invisible soldier after the war.

She can march, she can fly, and she can sail. She proved that bravery isn't exclusive of the male. She did every job she was asked and more, But she became the invisible soldier after the war.

Now, it is finally time to right a wrong. Honor our sister soldier; hear her song. It's very clear that she's a patriot to the core. Don't let her be the invisible soldier anymore.

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1776

In the year of 1776 That paper was decreed - They were tired of oppression And wanted to be freed

They wrote a Declaration So the whole world would see - This was, "the home of the brave And the land of the free"

They signed that piece of parchment The leaders of this land - Knowing, divided they would fall But, together they could stand

A new world lay before them Untamed from shore to shore - They swore they would protect it If it meant going to war

Battles have been fought - And many lives have been lost - So sad something so basic Has such a high, high cost

'Seems freedom is a luxury There's some would bind us all - Like then, together, we can stand But divided, we will fall

More than two hundred years Have past by since that day That each of us celebrate In our own different way

We should be proud and thankful Pay our share of the cost - Not take freedom for granted For it easily could be lost (Author Unknown)

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AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL

O beautiful for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties Above the fruited plain. America! America! God shed His grace on thee, And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea.

O beautiful for pilgrim feet Whose stern impassion'd stress A thorough?fare for freedom beat Across the wilderness. America! America! God mend thine ev'ry flaw, Confirm thy soul in self control, Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for heroes prov'd In liberating strife, Who more than self their country lov'd And mercy more than life. America! America! May God thy gold reflne Till all success be nobleness, And ev'ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream That sees beyond the years, Thine alabaster cities gleam, Undimmed by human tears. America! America! God shed His grace on thee, And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea.

(Katharine Lee Bates...1859-1929)

The author of ?America the Beautiful? was a professor, of English at Wellesley College. Her father?s family left England and settled in Hingham, Massachusetts, in 1635.

In the summer of 1893, when she was lecturing at Colorado College in Colorado Springs, Bates joined a group that took a rough prairie wagonride plus a struggle by mule, followed by an exhausting hike to the top of 14,000 foot-high Pike?s Peak. Overwhelmed by what she saw, Bates scribbled in her notebook all four verses of our unofficial national anthem celebrating America. When published, the poem was an instant hit. Her copyright provided continuing royalties for years.

Bates died at home in Wellesley at the age of seventy. Her contribution to life is symbolized by our vibrant singing of ?America the Beautiful.?

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FRED

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**** ON THIS DAY ****

This explains why I forward jokes...

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for     years. He wondered where the road was   leading them.



After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the    road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued

the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

   How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked

back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

    "Well, that's

confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Soooo.

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.   When you are very busy,

but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.   When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent. I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a

personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.

http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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http://avast.com
It is excellent
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**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Indy 500 win brings swig of milk, peace of mind

By Nate Ryan, USA TODAY

The setting for the first conversation between Dario Franchitti and Sam Hornish Jr.� the middle of the night at a downtown Indianapolis hangout called 6 � might have seemed odd. The timing, however, wasn't.

Franchitti had noticed Hornish's icy demeanor had softened since he had won the 2006 Indianapolis 500. Having taken the traditional swig of milk hours earlier as this year's Indy champion, Franchitti now understood why.

"Sam and I had some sort of misunderstandings from pretty much the first day I'd been in the IRL," he said. "I thought, 'Hey what the hell,' so I sat and talked to him, and we had a good time. We just talked about all different kinds of stuff."

FRANCHITTI ANSWERS: The Indy 500 champ answers reader questions

The 45-minute chat knocked the frost off their relationship and stunned Hornish.

"If you would have told me a month ago that this would be happening, I would have said you were crazy," Hornish said. "I was trying to get out of there at like 3:30 or 4 in the morning, and he was still going. I'm like, 'I know what you have in store for you tomorrow.' "

An hour of sleep followed the all-night victory party, and after answering a crack-of-dawn wakeup call, Franchitti soldiered through a whirlwind tour of talk shows. He handled it with a smile that rarely has left his face since he won the 500.

FIND MORE STORIES IN: Racing | Speedway | Indy | Indy 500 | Sam Hornish | Andretti | Danica Patrick | Richmond International Raceway | Dan Wheldon | Dario Franchitti | Ashley Judd | Brickyard | Jim Clark

There's much to grin about for Franchitti, who is enjoying his best season since coming to the USA 10 years ago. He has finished in the top five in four races since Indy and opened up a sizable 65-point lead in the IndyCar Series standings on the strength of back-to-back victories at Iowa Speedway and Richmond International Raceway.

But the 34-year-old mostly is basking in the glow of becoming the first Scotsman to win the Indy 500 since Jim Clark in 1965.

"He looks like he's walking lighter, like almost on air," Andretti Green Racing teammate Danica Patrick said.

Even questions about his marriage to Ashley Judd no longer rattle the normally reserved Franchitti, who concedes he's probably more relaxed.

It's a familiar feeling for the previous two 500 winners, Dan Wheldon and Hornish.

"It does that for everyone," said Wheldon, who went on to capture the title in 2005 just as Hornish did last year. "People talk about the magnitude of the event, but what amazes me is that it relaxes us so much more."

Said Hornish: "Once you get that monkey off your back, it allows you to have fun. I'm sure a lot of guys would say it's had the same effect on me of being able to open up and be more approachable. You put so much less pressure on yourself."

The pressure was natural for Hornish, who worshiped the Brickyard while growing up in nearby northwest Ohio. The love affair with Indy was more recent for Franchitti. Growing up in Edinburgh, Scotland, he watched the race on TV and idolized Clark.

But he relished road and street courses in the rival Champ Car World Series and said he didn't really get it when he made his debut at Indy in 2002.

"It was a 'Why do we have to be here for three weeks?' thing," Franchitti said. "I was still in Champ Car, so it was a big distraction to being in the championship hunt."

After moving to the IRL, he qualified third at Indy in 2004 and started to understand what it meant, he said. "I came back in '05 and said, 'I'm going to win this thing,' " he said.

Franchitti has embraced the accompanying attention. When asked after his win at Richmond if the increased demands � last week included a guest spot on ESPN's Pardon the Interruption� were a distraction, Judd playfully shouted "Ask me!" before her husband's answer.

"I would definitely like some more time at home hanging out with Ashley," he said. "But as Scott Dixon puts it so well: You get paid for the PR stuff. You drive the car because you want to."

And finding inner peace is an added bonus.

"One of the nice things about winning the 500, and there's been millions of them, but everyone who's won it before came up and said, 'Welcome to the club,' " Franchitti said. "That's really cool."

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-4-

Stephen Foster, songwriter, born Lawrenceville, PA 1826.

Charlie Monroe born Rosine, KY 1903.

Bob Attlesey, of "The Shelton Brothers" born Reilly Springs, TX 1909.

Gordon Rouse, of the "Rouse Brothers" born 1914.

Marion Worth born Birmingham, AL 1930.

Ray Pillow born Lynchburg, VA 1937.

The Louvin Brothers made their musical debut in Flatrock, AL 1940.

Peter Rowan, master guitarist/recording artist, born Boston, MA 1942.

Bill McCorvey, "Pirates of the Mississippi," born Montgomery, AL 1959.

Teddy Carr of "Ricochet" born 1960.

Willie Nelson staged his first 4^{th
of July Picnic, 1973.}

Johnny Cash was the Grand Marshall at the Washington D.C. Bicentennial Celebration 1976.

Tammy Wynette married her fifth husband, George Richey, 1978.

Marty Robbins performed for President Ronald Reagan, in Washington, D.C. 1981.

Wynonna's "I Saw the Light," went to #1 1992.

Arlie Duff, age 72, died while playing golf 1996.

Columbia/Legacy released Johnny Cash's "At San Quentin (The Complete Concert) 2000.

Bobby Yarbrough, age 49, died 2003.

-5-

Guy Willis of "The Willis Brothers" born Alex, AR 1915.

Mitchell Hammond "The Dillards," born Hammond, IN 1930.

The Grand Ole Opry moved from the Dixie Tabernacle, to the War Memorial Auditorium, 1939.

Elvis Presley cut his first session for Sun Records "That's All Right Mama/Blue Moon of Kentucky" 1954. Scotty Moore on lead, Bill Black on bass, Sam Phillips on his way.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens single "Gonna Have Love/Only You" 1965.

Merle Haggard's #1 single "Working Man Blues," charted 1969.

John Conlee debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1980.

George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today," went to #1 1980.

Tanya Tucker gave birth to Presley Tanita Tucker, her firstborn child, 1989.

Brooks & Dunn's #1 country hit "Red Dirt Road" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 chart 2003.

Loretta Lynn hosted the Grand Opening of her museum, located on her ranch in Hurricane Mills, TN in 2003.

**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Country Singer Doug Supernaw Committed To Mental Ward

A judge orders Country music singer Doug Supernaw into a mental institution. This past November the Supernaw was arrested on a misdemeanor drug possession charge, but his court hearings have been delayed because of questions surrounding his mental capacity to stand trial.
In April, a judge ordered Supernaw, 46, to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

Monday )7/2), the judge found the singer not competent to stand trial on the drug charges and ordered him to be placed into a mental institution.

Supernaw spent six months in jail in 2001 for contempt of court and failure to pay $135,000 in child support. He spent another 14 days in jail for resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer in 2003.

Supernaw is from Houston and briefly attended college on a golf scholarship. He quit college in favor pursuing his music career. Supernaw has seemingly had a long string of bad luck. He reportedly broke his neck while surfing, and shortly after his neck brace was removed, he was in a head-on auto collision. Then, all of his band's gear was stolen in Ohio before Supernaw nearly died from a case of food poisoning

Supernaw is known for his hits, �I Don�t Call Him Daddy,� "Reno," "What'll You Do About Me," and "Not Enough Hours in the Night."

TWANGTOWNUSA.COM Internet Radio will cease operations

PRESS RELEASE:
04 July 2007
For More Information Contact: Dick Shuey Dick@dickshuey.com

TWANGTOWNUSA.COM Internet Radio will cease operations as a Internet Radio Station effective 14 July 2007.
The web site will go in another direction to serve the country music industry & radio. Due to circumstances beyond our control it is no longer feasble or good business for us to continue operation as a Internet Radio Station.
A new business announcement will made at the appropriate time on the new direction.
A special thanx to all those who have supported our Internet Radio operation. This Move will not effect this news page. The News & Newsletter will continue.

Alison Krauss Special on GAC

Alison Krauss will star in a one-hour music special, Alison Krauss: A Hundred Miles or More, on GAC, July 14, at 9 p.m. ET, which also features Brad Paisley and legendary singer/songwriter James Taylor.

June 29, 2007 � The special features Alison in performance with her acclaimed Union Station band, plus duets with Brad, James and British rocker John Waite. Alison and Waite were recently on the charts with a remake of John�s pop hit, �Missing You.� Among the highlights of the program is Alison and Brad�s duet on �Whiskey Lullaby,� which won the 2005 CMA Award for Song of the Year, Musical Event of the Year and Music Video of the Year. Alison also talks about her career and life�s journey during the show.

SORRY FOLKS,I JUST RAN OUTA STEAM,AM VERY TIRED.....JIM

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
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