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 From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.  FREEDOM IS NOT FREE Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's way of
taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything. Welcome New Subscribers God, grant me the Senility
to forget the people
YEP, IT'S
MONDAY JULY 9,2007 In 1990, the federal government's General Accounting Office found that members of Congress using the House bank had bounced 4,325 personal checks during a six-month study. And these are the people we're counting on to balance the budget? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FIRST DEGREE of BLONDNESS A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W. FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? Is it mine?" SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman." Ok. Now forward this to someone else who needs a laugh today! ~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A father brought his son into the doctor's because the boy had a matchbox car shoved up his nose. All the while the doctor was trying to remove the car, the father kept saying, "I just don't know how he did it!" Finally the doctor managed to remove the little car, and the father and son left. A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS nose. He told the doctor, "Now I know how he did it!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Six retired Cajuns were playing bourie in the Bayou la Teche clubhouse when Alcide loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five respectfully stand at the table while finishing their playing time. Boudreaux looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws and Patin picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Patin goes over to Alcide's apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers,and asks what he wants. Patin declares, "Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home" She hollers, through the door, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Patin says, "I'll go tell him." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RULES FOR CUTTING YOUR OWN FIREWOOD: 1. Park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall. 2. It helps to notch the tree away from the truck. 3. The fact that you live within driving distance of a forest does not make you a lumberjack. 4. Just to be on the safe side, always borrow your buddy's truck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Five mornings a week, my husband goes to the health club, gets on the stair-stepper, sets the timer, and buries his nose in a book. Recently, he noticed an amazingly fit middle-aged woman who seemed to run circles around everyone, took few breaks, and rarely even broke a sweat. "It's not fair," he complained. "By the time I'm dragging myself off to the showers, she's hopping back onto the stepper for yet *another* session!" One day he came home with a sheepish grin. . "Well," he said, "I just found out -- they're identical twins." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp--the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice. Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well. I nudged the angel, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake. And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said he. "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A hesitant driver, waiting for a traffic jam to clear, came to a complete stop on the freeway on-ramp. The traffic thinned, but the driver still waited. Finally a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, "Hey, fellow! The sign says, 'Yield', not 'surrender!' " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A "not-so-smart" Ohio man is lucky to be alive after a dangerous "idea" went bad. Stanley Whimper decided the easiest solution to starting his car on a cold Monday morning would be to run warm gasoline through his car by heating it up on his stove first. He found out that "just a cup full" of fuel can explode and cause major damage to his kitchen and him suffer second and third degree burns. Mr. Whimper later admitted his "warm the fuel idea" came from a cartoon he viewed on television that ended in a better result ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Divorced and having lost her house, Karen managed to rent a cramped camper at the local RV park for herself and five-year-old Joshua. It was only a little better than living out of their car, and she wished with all her heart that she could provide more for her child. One evening, after their ritual of giggling over a table game and reading stories, Karen sent her son outside to play until bedtime. She glanced out the window when she heard voices "Say Josh, don't you wish you had a real home?" asked the campground manager. Karen tensed and held her breath as she leaned nearer the open window. A smile slowly spread across her face when she heard Joshua's response. "We already have a real home," he said "It's just that we don't have a house to put it in." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen and handed me money. "We're in trouble!" He said. "We're out of quarters, and customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $40 worth." I ran to the supermarket next door, but a cashier said she wasn't allowed to give out that many quarters. Determined, I sprinted to a convenience store two blocks away, but it was closed. At a gas station farther down the road, the clerk took pity and gave me the four rolls of quarters. Twenty minutes after I'd left, I handed the coin rolls to my boss. "Where are the quarters?" he asked. "Right here," I said breathlessly. His face sank as he stared at all the 'quarters'. "We're out of c-h-i-c-k-e-n 'quarters' not. . ." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The harried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. 'How are you doing darling?' she said, "What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathetic. "Oh darling," she said, 'sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's - who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!.... This - is - you, Elaine, isn't it? At 555-9174?" "No.... it isn't...this is 555-9175 and my name is Kathy." "Oh, I'm sooo sorry, dear. I guess I dialed the wrong number." There was a short pause and then in a barely audible voice, the harried housewife says. . . "D-d-does that mean you're not coming over now?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The little daughter of a lieutenant answered a telephone call while her parents were out. A man called, identifying himself as Colonel Hendrick. She asked if he would please spell the name slowly. He said, "H as in horse, E as in egg, N as in nose, D as in doggie, R as in rabbit, I as in Indian, C as in cat, K as in kite." When her father returned, he found the following message: "Daddy, call Colonel Horseeggnosedoggierabbitindiancatkite." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hank and his mule were walking down the road when one of Hank's friends drove up and offered him a ride to town. Hank got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55, and stayed with them as they sped up to 70. "I'm worried about your mule," said the driver. "His tongue's hanging out." "Which way?" asked Hank. "Left," his friend said. "Well, stay in this lane - he's about to pass." &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& The Drug Problem in America: The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farm house in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?'' I replied: ''But I did have a drug problem when I wuz a kid growing up on the farm.'' I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher. Or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one, to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some fire wood, and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the wood shed. Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be a better place today. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& PLEASE READ THE DAYS OF FREE RADIO ARE SOON TO BE A THING OF THE PAST A Sunday Point Of View: "No Play - No Pay" 08 July 2007 By Dick Shuey - TWANGTOWNUSA.COM Don't hold your breath folks. Those Sound Exchange Lawyers have the CRB & congress in their back pocket....just in case you are hoping for a last minute arrival of a great savior on the beautiful white horse. I'll hand it to the Sound Exchange...they were pretty slick and worked quiety under the cover of darkness and didn't say a word until it was all successfully done. The RIAA is going to do to the Internet Radio Stations exactly what they did to Napster and some more download sites. They have already stated their intentions of now going after AM-FM Radio & satelitte radio too. The greedy S.O.B.'s aren't done. It's 7 days and counting...then watch the law suits commence. Those attornies are licking their chops. They are going to try and make examples out of some people and it won't be pretty at all. Don't be suprised if it doesn't get pretty nasty. Some of these webcaster that haven't been paying attention may be in for one hellva' big suprise. I believe TWANGTOWNUSA.COM is the only Internet Radio Station that has publicly at this point said "No More" No play...no pay....it's the only way to beat them. I was already paying about $1500 in license fees a year to BMI & SESAC. And that was otta' my back pocket. I've already notified them that I will be ceasing operations. I'm sure they won't be very happy about all this either. There goes the Songwriters Internet Royalities. I'm suprised the the Radio licensing bureaus haven't fought it...maybe they didn't know either what was going to happen. This was accomplished very quiety...real quietly....and I don't see it getting any better in the near future.The RIAA has spent a ton of $$$ to get this accomplished....it's all about power & greed in the market place . But it's not the end of the world. We just go in a different direction. Screw em'. Bottom line is we don't have to give airplay to their product. Some of us Older D.J.'s remember back in the 70's ... when the record labels got the bright idea that they weren't going to furnish Radio promo product to the Radio Stations any more. ...??? They set up a subcription service and tried to charge the radio stations so much a year for so many records per month.. Guess how long that lasted...just long enough for idiots to realize that Radio would'nt be suckered and their product wasn't getting airplay. They were no longer showing up on the stations playlists and the Billboard charts. So much for the subscription service. Their bottom line went in the sewer. They are right now grasping for straws...their CD sales have been in a downward spiral for the last 7 years. Their bean counters are on valium and prozac. "No Play ..No Pay" ...the best defense is go on the offense. My Garbage man comes faithfully every Tuesday....I'll be spending all day Monday with my newly invented CD smasher { 2 pound Hammer}....filling the gabage can with major label product in little bitsy pieces of aluminum. I believe it's worth over 30 cents a pound these days on the open market. I need the exercise. And there won't be any tears.  **** Reader's Submissions
**** <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> A brand new week! And to get you started, here goes a new collection of Grins, Giggles and Groaners. Grins, Giggles and Groaners exists with one belief,. . .to spread laughter and joy to the world. We try to make a little difference in everyone's day by bringing laughter and smiles to you and the people around you. GGG are sent "just for the fun of it" with the hope you get a few chuckles or maybe a hearty belly laff. • Feel free to pass 'em around!!! ••• We also think that . . . . . "LAUGHTER IS CONTAGIOUS" ... PASS IT AROUND AND SEE!!! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< My friend's husband, Ray is a police officer and enjoys
sharing the excuses people use when stopped for speeding. One day, however, the
tables were turned. Ray maintains an aquarium of exotic fish and a prized
specimen had threatened to turn belly up. The off-duty officer called a pet
store, and they advised him to immediately purchase a special additive that
would correct the water's pH. ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> A doctor was performing a complete physical, including
the visual acuity test. He placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><>< My father and a friend were talking about the doors they
had installed so their animals could let themselves in and out of the house. My
dad asked his friend, who had two massive Great Danes, "Aren't you afraid that
somebody might crawl through the dogs' door and steal something?" ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><> Samantha and Derrick were having dinner with a couple
they'd lost touch with when they moved to another city many years
ago. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Standing in line at the clothing store's counter, I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card. The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account. When she finally returned, the clerk said, "I'm sorry, but this card is in your husband's name, and we can't accept it because the records show he is deceased." With that, the woman turned to her spouse, who was standing next to her, an asked, "Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today?" <><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< Our community still has teenage curfew laws. One night I
was listening to my scanner when the police dispatcher said, "We have a report
of a 14-year-old male out after curfew. The subject, wearing jeans and a gray
sweatshirt, is six-foot-four and weighs 265 pounds." ><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> "Few men know how to kiss well. Fortunately, I've always had time to teach them." (Mae West) <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< Joanne had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time,
but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices
his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the
embankment into the ravine -- in search of his lost ball. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><LEARNING
IS GIVING... ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><> Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Rodney
about his family vacation. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><An
honest 8-year-old girl admitted calmly to her parents that Derrick had kissed
her after class. ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><The
couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The
adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy
available, and the couple took him without hesitation. ><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>"My
therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I
start. <><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< The shopper walked into a convenience store in search of
notebooks. Seeing a manager standing nearby, she approached him and asked, "Do
you have any small notebooks?" "Sorry," replied the manager, "We're all
out." ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>A
Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of
them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week
she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Katie said, "He was
born in a manger." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< This little old lady calls 911...When the operator
answers, she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away. There's a
danged Republican on my front porch and he's playing with
himself." ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>A female attorney in a law office found a typewriter on her desk with this note: "We are short of secretarial help and need your assistance." Recognizing that this was yet another prank by her male colleagues, she quickly typed a response that forever squelched the jokes: "I wold lov to hep out eny wey I kan." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><A
pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a charity event was taking
place. Getting caught up in the atmosphere, the pig suggested to the chicken
that they each make an offering. "Great idea!" the chicken replied. "Let's offer
them ham and eggs!" ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><>Timmy
was a little five-year-old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a
worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school all by himself when he
started kindergarten. She walked him to school the first few days, but one day
he came home and asked if he could walk by himself. He wanted to be like the
"big boys." <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>A cranky gent in a restaurant told his waiter, "I want oysters, not too cold, or too large, or too old. And I want them right away!" Always eager to please, the waiter replied, "Yes sir. Would you like them with or without pearls?" <><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< The English language can be tricky. If you tell a woman that time stands still when you look into her eyes, she'll be thrilled, but try telling her that her face would stop a clock! ><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>QUESTION: What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride? ANSWER: "I gotta get a softer saddle!" <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> "ECHO" ... The Rule of Nature!!!! A man and his son were walking in the forest. Suddenly the boy trips and feeling a sharp pain he screams, "Ahhhhh." Surprised, he hears a voice coming from the mountain, "Ahhhhh!" Filled with curiosity, he screams: "Who are you?", but the only answer he receives is:"Who are you?" This makes him angry, so he screams: "You are a coward!", and the voice answers:"You are a coward!" He looks at his father, asking, Dad, what is going on?" "Son," the man replies, "pay attention!" Then he screams, "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!" The father shouts, "You are wonderful!", and the voice answers:"You are wonderful!" The boy is surprised, but still can't understand what is going on. Then the father explains, "People call this 'ECHO', but truly it is 'LIFE!' Life always gives you back what you give out! Life is a mirror of your actions. If you want more love, give more love! If you want more kindness, give more kindness! If you want understanding and respect, give understanding and respect! If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience to every aspect of life! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> This is all for today's edition of GGG's --- but we'll
be back soon with more to make you grin, giggle or groan. GGG's are sent your
way "Just for the Fun of it" and we hope you enjoy! Feel free to pass these
on!!!  **** ON THIS DAY **** I don't
usually send repeat group mails but this one is worth sending. and men. Features include
health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user
forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this jim4615@joink.com subject Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
**** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** -8- George Wilkerson, fiddler, founder of the "Fruit Jar Drinkers," born Stevenson, AL 1895. Link Davis, vocals/session musician born Wills Point, TX 1914. Grand Ole Opry star Uncle Dave Macon, recorded his first session 1924. Bob Beckham, recording artist/music publisher, born Stratford, OK 1927. Jerry Vale born in 1932. The Everly Brothers single "I Wonder If I Care As Much" charted 1957. Fred Young "Kentucky Headhunters" born Glasgow, KY 1958. Toby Keith, born Toby Keith Covel, Clinton, OH 1961. Buck Owens recorded "I Don't Care/Buck's Polka" 1964. Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Let The World Keep On A Turning" 1968. Gail Davies debuted on the charts with "No Love Have I," 1978. Ervin Rouse, age 63, of the "Rouse Brothers" died 1981. Capitol released Tennessee Ernie Ford's "Capitol Collectors Series" 1991. Taylor Maine Pearl Brooks debuted in the lives of Garth and Sandy Brooks 1992. Marty Stuart and Connie Smith were married 1997. The ceremony took place on an Indian reservation in South Dakota. Audium released Charlie Daniels' album "In America" 2003. -9- Pie Plant Pete a.k.a. "Claude J. Moye," star of the WLS National Barn Dance born Shawneetown, IL 1906. Singing Cowboy Eddie Dean, born 'Edgar Dean Glosup' Posey, TX 1907. Molly O'Day, born "Lois LaVerne Williamson" Pike County, KY 1923. Jesse McReynolds, of Jim & Jesse, born in Coeburn, VA 1929. Lee Hazelwood, singer/songwriter/producer born Mannford, OK 1929. Kelly Harrell, age 52, singer/songwriter died in Virginia 1942. Merle Travis recorded "Divorce Me C. O. D." 1946. Carl Smith and June Carter, married in Merryville, TN 1952. David Ball, born the son of a Baptist pastor, in Rock Hill, SC 1953. Merle Haggard recorded "I Can't Be Myself" 1970. Cloet Hammons, guitarist for the East Texas Serenaders died 1982. Lewis Talley, long time manager of Merle Haggard, died 1986. Intersound released the Bellamy Brothers album "Dancin'" 1996. Ersel Hickey died at NYU Medical Center 2004. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** TV show restores four 'Opry' dressing rooms By HOLLIE DEESE Staff Writer Impossible is one word you might use to describe how those television renovators get all the work done in such a short time. Crazy is another. Granted, when working on projects at home you might not feel the need to get the lead out as much if there isn't a camera crew filming your every move. But country music stars pitched in to help the professionals from DIY to the Rescue renovate their homes — four dressing rooms at the Grand Ole Opry House. And of course, all the work had to be completed in just three days. Stars help renovate DIY to the Rescue is a show on the DIY Networkthat rescues home renovation projects gone awry. But unlike most renovations, there is a certain amount of pressure that goes along with renovating the home of country music. "Just to come backstage to the Grand Ole Opry is a really amazing experience," said Amy Devers, who co-hosts the DIY show with Karl Champley. "The history here is mythical." And that's a sentiment shared by everyone who worked on the project, from the producers of the show to the music stars who rolled up their sleeves to give back to a place where many of them got their start, including Little Jimmy Dickens, Lorrie Morgan, Jamie O'Neal, Chris Young and Trace Adkins. "I'm still a little shell-shocked that this is an opportunity I have," said Alicia Paige Watson, associate producer of the show. "This is the church of country music, this is the Mecca." Four rooms were renovated and given themes by the team: Roy Acuff, The Women of Country, Honky-Tonk/Rhinestones and Singer/Songwriter. Dressing room No. 1, the Acuff room, was used frequently by the artist known as the King of Country Music and is a place of honor for any musician who performs at the Opry. "Mr. Acuff was known for keeping his door open, and it is really a symbol of what the Opry is all about — the accessibility of the artists to other performers and the fans themselves," said Pete Fisher, vice president and general manager of the Grand Ole Opry. All the old carpet, fixtures and furniture were ripped out and replaced with Marlite decorative panels on the walls, thanks to Trace Adkins, hardwood floors from Hal Ketchum, granite countertops and a custom bar. Warm wood and soft leather furniture complete the hominess of the room. The Women of Country room is decidedly more feminine, with metallic-painted walls by Jamie O' Neal, framed photos of legendary women donated by Lorrie Morgan, a crystal chandelier and custom drapery that creates a separate changing area. A guitar table created by Diamond Rio and mirrors from Keith Anderson distinguish the Singer/Songwriter room, which is used frequently by Bill Anderson. The Honky-Tonk/Rhinestones room is one of the flashiest, with bright green walls, leather club chairs and a photo canvas of rhinestone jackets by Little Jimmy Dickens, who uses the room often. "When you really look at what represents the values of country music, it is the accessibility, the honesty, honoring tradition," Fisher said. "That is why you see these performers coming back to help fix up this institution." All the rooms were finished in the allotted time, and viewers can check out the entire process in October when the shows air. If you can't wait until then, you can take part in one of the backstage tours. For more information about the tours, visit www.opry.com. Police Arrest Man Posing as Merle Haggard's Son July 6, 2007 — A Charlo, Mont., man has been arrested for impersonating Merle Haggard's son, Noel Haggard, The Daily Inter Lake reports. A man police identified as Mark Sams, 48, was signing autographs and having pictures taken with him for a fee Saturday outside the Valley Club lounge in Ronan, Mont., police said. After receiving several complaints, police made contact with Sams and determined he was not Noel Haggard. He told police his name had been changed when he was a child to protect him. An agent for the Haggard family told authorities that Sams is an impostor and not related to Merle. Sams admitted to signing autographs and posing for pictures using Noel's name but denied accepting money for them. He was arrested on an outstanding Montana warrant for issuing bad checks, and he also has a warrant for his arrest out of Maryland. He is being held at the Lake County Detention Center **** Amy's Kitchen **** PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKE 1/3 cup butter 1 cup brown sugar 9 slices canned pineapple 9 maraschino cherries 1 3/4 cups flour 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup butter 1 cup white sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 3/4 cup milk DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt 1/3 cup of butter in a 9 inch square cake pan in the oven and remove from heat. Stir in the brown sugar. Arrange pineapple slices on top of the sugar, and put a cherry inside of each pineapple ring. Set aside. In a small bowl combine flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In a medium bowl cream remaining butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time and continue beating until light. Stir in vanilla. Alternate additions of dry ingredients and milk to the creamed mixture, beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Pour over the pineapple in the cake pan. Bake for 50 to 60 minutes, until toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes, then turn upside down over a serving plate. Leave the pan on top of the cake for 2 to 3 minutes to let all the syrup and fruit drop out. Serve warm. * TIP: serve with whipped cream! Chicken Enchiladas Serves 4 4 skinless -- boneless chicken breast halves 1 onion -- chopped 1/2 pint sour cream 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese 1 tablespoons dried parsley 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano 1/2 teaspoons ground black pepper 1/2 teaspoons salt (optional) 1can tomato sauce (15 ounce) 1/2 cup water 1 tablespoons chili powder 1/3 cup chopped green bell pepper 1 clove garlic -- minced 8 flour tortillas (10 inch) 1 jar taco sauce (12 ounce) 3/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese Preheat oven to 350F. In a medium, non-stick skillet over medium heat, cook chicken until no longer pink and juices run clear. Drain excess fat. Cube the chicken and return it to the skillet. Add the onion, sour cream, Cheddar cheese, parsley, oregano and ground black pepper. Heat until cheese melts. Stir in salt, tomato sauce, water, chili powder, green pepper and garlic. Roll even amounts of the mixture in the tortillas. Arrange in a 9x13 inch baking dish. Cover with taco sauce and 3/4 cup Cheddar cheese. Bake uncovered in the preheated oven 20 minutes. Cool 10 minutes before serving. 8 servings
Does talking to plants
actually help them grow?
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