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Subject: The Daily Funnies - July27, 2007



 



From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.


Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.



TGIF
FRIDAY JULY 27,
2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:  To be happy with a man you must
understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman
you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all




A BLONDE COMMUTER
Jill came home
from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a
little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," Jill replied. "I'm
nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't
you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a
while?"
"I couldn't," replied Jill, "It was
empty,there was no one there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS IS A RERUN, BUT, EVERY TIME I
SEE IT , I THINK OF WITCHY
WOMEN AND CARS
A few years ago the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a
hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric
oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I
pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed
to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.
She said "fine!" hopped into her
car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what
she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw
her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I suddenly realized
that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman always wanted an expensive
car; a status symbol to drive around and flaunt. She scrimps and saves, goes to
the BMW dealer, and plops down many dollars for a brand new state-of-the-art,
computer enhanced, kick-butt, dream mobile.
She's driving off. Decides she
wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control
panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and
those, but finally gives up. Can't find the blasted thing. Furious, she races
back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to
install the radio.
He assures her it's right there in
front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer and voice- activated. All
she has to do is tell it what she wants to hear.
He demonstrates: "Classical," he
says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini.
"Blues," she says, and "click" a
B.B. King classic plays.
She drives off, amazed.
"Country," she says, and "click" a
Garth Brooks tune comes on.
"New Age" and "click" Yanni at the
Acropolis snaps on.
She's so captivated by this new toy
that she isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a light
and cuts her off.
"Low-life, arrogant, self-centered
Dumb sss!!!" she screams.
"click"
"Ladies and gentlemen, the
President of the United States,George W. Bush"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde is walking down the street
and stops a man to ask for the time.
The man, looking at his watch,
helpfully responds, "Why, certainly! The time is now four o'clock."
The blonde scratches her head and
says, "You know, it's really weird. I've been asking people that question all
day long, and each time I get a different answer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN OLDIE
The town founder had passed away
and the whole town

turned out, as did his family who
arrived from all

over the globe. This threw the
mortuary into an uproar.

They had some employees doing two
or three jobs and

others switching jobs to get
everything done.

After the chapel services, all
the members of the funeral

party piled into the different
cars for the drive to the

cemetery. The procession was very
long, and one group of

family members, not knowing their
way, decided to ask the

driver how much further it would
be.

The patriarch tapped the driver
on the shoulder, and said,

"Pardon me....." The driver let
out a scream and turned

with a grimace of horror to see
who had tapped him. In

doing so, he drove the car into
the ditch and through a

farmer's fence, almost
overturning it. After calming

everyone down, the driver
somberly explained, "I'm so

sorry for what happened, but you
see, I'm usually the

driver of the
hearse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
George Johnson, a hard-bitten man
of early middle age,

had evaded many a marital trap,
but was now hopelessly

in love with pretty young Nancy.
Finally he said, "Will

you marry me,
Nancy?"

She smiled and said, "Oh yes,
George."

There followed a long silence,
till Nancy said, "Well,

say something more,
George."

And Johnson said hollowly, "I
think I've said too much

as it is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't you remember the
Ford Sunliner 747?

I remember the night I was
working as a flight attendant on the red-eye to

Manila. A water leak developed in
the galley, which eventually soaked the

carpet throughout the aft cabin
of our 747.

A very sleepy woman who had
become aware of the dampness tugged at my skirt

as I passed by.

"Has it been raining?" she asked
me.

Keeping a straight face, I
replied, "Yes, but we put the top up."

With a sigh of relief, she went
back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer wanted to ask his
attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't

get her attention. When he was
able to catch her eye, she quickly looked

away.

Finally he followed her into the
kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To

his amazement she readily
consented.

He said, "Why have you been
avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even

make eye contact."
"Oh," replied the waitress, "I
thought you wanted more coffee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Funeral For Tia Juana

An
old couple in Cuba was puzzled when the coffin
of their dead
relative
arrived from the USA. The corpse was so tightly
squeezed inside
the coffin
that her face was practically touching the glass
cover. When
they opened the
coffin, they found a letter pinned to her chest,
which
read:

Dearest Mami y Papi,

I am sending you Tia Juana's remains
for the
funeral there in the Havana
Cemetery. Sorry I couldn't come along
as the
expenses were too high. You
will find inside the coffin, under
Tia's body, 12
cans of Bumble Bee Tuna,
12 bottles of Paul Mitchell
Shampoo 12 bottles
Paul Mitchell Conditioner, 12
Vaseline Intensive Care
Skin Lotion, 12 Colgate
Toothpaste and 12 cans of
Spam. Just divide it
among the family. On Tia's
feet is a brand-new pair of
Reeboks (size 8)
for Joseito. There are four
pairs of Reeboks under her head
for Antonio's
sons. Tia is wearing six Ralph
Lauren T-shirts - one is for
Roberto and
the rest are for his sons. Tia is
also wearing one dozen Wonder
Bras (my
favorite), just divide it among the
ladies. The 2 dozen Victoria's
Secret
panties that she is wearing should be
distributed among my nieces
and
cousins. Tia is also wearing eight Docker pants,
please get one for
yourself
and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch
you asked for is
on Tia
Juana's left wrist and she is also wearing what
you asked for
Mami
(earrings, ring and necklace) just please get
them before anyone
arrives to
view the body. Also, the six pairs of Chanel
stockings that
she is wearing
must be divided among the teen-age girls there. I
hope the
colors are to
their liking.

Your loving
daughter,

Carmencita

PS Please find Tia a dress for her
funeral
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
A real smooth talker who
prided himself on being
the ladies man
finally met his match one night.
The man had just
learned that his
father only had days to live and that
he would
inherit over ten million
dollars.

Overjoyed at the
promised wealth, he celebrated
at the local bar,
where he just happened
to see a drop dead
gorgeous long legged
woman. Of course, he couldn't
wait to work his
charms on her and
indeed she was so interested in him,
they went
back to his house
together.

The next day she became his
soon-to-be rich
stepmother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner, both EMT's rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "What does that do?"

"It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?"

"Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Duel"

A duel was
fought between Alexander Shott and
John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was
not. In
this
case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some

said
that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he

shot
Nott.

It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or

it
may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot
Shott
himself.
We think, however, that the shot Shott
shot,
shot not Shott, but Nott.
Anyway, it is hard to
tell which
was shot and which was not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INTEROFFICE MEMO: (reportedly
real)

Subject: Mmm-mmn-good

A woman at our interactive advertising
agency had
recently returned
from her maternity leave when she sent the

following e-mail:

Whoever used the milk in the small plastic

container that was in the
refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to

it. I would find it
forever after difficult to meet your gaze across

a cafeteria table
whilst having a discussion about java applets or

brand identity. Just
be aware that that milk was EXPRESSLY for my son

if you get my drift.
I will label these things from now on, but if you

found your coffee
tasted just a little bit unusual this morning,
you
might think about
calling your mom and telling her you love her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The price of gas
too high?

If you think the price of a gallon of gasoline is

expensive, well here
are a few things that may shock you as to what

the price per gallon is
for........

1. Diet Snapple, 16 oz.
@ $1.29, equals $10.32
per gallon.
2. Lipton Ice Tea, 16 oz. @
$1.19, equals $9.52
per gallon.
3. Gatorade, 20 oz. @ $1.59, equals
$10.17 per
gallon.
4. Ocean Spray, 16 oz. @ $1.25, equals $10.00

per gallon.
5. Quart of Milk, 16 oz. @ $1.59, equals $6.32
per
gallon. (more like
     $2.99 a gallon)
6. STP
Brake Fluid, 12 oz. @ $3.15, equals
$33.60 per gallon.
7. Vick's
Nyquil, 6 oz. @ $8.35, equals $178.13
per gallon.
8. Pepto Bismol,
4 oz. @ $3.85, equals $123.20
per gallon.
9. Whiteout, 7 oz. @
$1.39, equals $254.17 per
gallon.
10. Scope, 1.5 oz. @ $.99, equals
$84.84 per
gallon.
...... here's the real KICKER.......

....Evian
water, 9 oz. @ $1.49, equals $21.19 per
gallon......
    "
$ 2 1.1 9 " for water!!!!!!

You get the idea???    
So the next time you're at
the pump,
".. be glad your car doesn't run on
Nyquil or
Scope..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused


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**** ON THIS DAY ****

by Jewel Diamond Taylor
Let me share with you a strategy I use to avoid being flooded with
feelings of gloom, depression and fear. Every day is a good day.
But when I'm
experiencing a day full of frustrations, I don't call it a bad day,
I call it an "interesting" day. This habit keeps me from being
overwhelmed with negative emotions. Why does this work?
Repetitive thoughts and words create feelings.
Those feelings create a positive or negative behavior pattern. If I
tell myself it's a bad day, I began to feel defeated and exhausted.
If my day has one issue after another,
If I tell myself it's an "interesting" day this keeps my open to
gratitude, hope,
solutions, resiliency, and sometimes even a sense of humor. I
try to monitor my words when I'm feeling in a slump so I can avoid
those "knot in your stomach - stressful
anxious - sickening - I'm losing it" feelings.
I had one of those "interesting" days recently and reminded myself
to stop, do some
deep breathing and re-group.
If you're having an "interesting" day, let these words minister to
you
Some times the children are screaming, the boss is irritating, the
traffic is slow and the bill collectors won't go. Some times you
feel strong and confident. Some times you're full of regrets and
wonder where all the time went.
Sometimes you feel like you want to give up.
Some times you're too tired to move 'cause you have so much to do.
Some times you're lonely and wonder if love will ever come.
Some times you're glad to be alone to think your own thoughts.
Some times life is easy and sometimes hard.
Today be grateful that you've come this far. Breathe in peace,
faith and hope.
All the answers...I do not know. But I'm here to say, count your
blessings. Don't
give up. You can make it.
Little miracles happen each day. Don't miss them because you're
focusing
on your pain, frustrations and fears. Constantly work on the five
main things
you need to live in peace and harmony - 1) faith, 2) family and
friends, 3) finances,
4) good health and 5) your life purpose. Without these in your
life....life
can drive you crazy.

From Ruthie

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing.
Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection that caused the entire left side of my face to swell. On the third day, the nurse let me to believe that I was finally recovering when she announced excitely. "Look, your wrinkles are coming back!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a recent Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****


NO IRL RACE THIS WEEKEND
NEXT RACE




Race 13 of 17

Sunday, August 5
Noon on ESPN2


**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-27-

Clark W. Kessinger, fiddler for the Kessinger Brothers, born South Hills, WV 1896.

Henry D. "Homer" Haynes, of Homer & Jethro, born Knoxville, TN 1920.

Velma Williams Smith, singer/country comedy/bassist/session guitarist, born Logan County, KY 1924.

Charlie Poole & The North Carolina Ramblers had their first recording session 1925.

Annie Lou Dill born Skull Bone, TN 1925. Member Grand Ole Opry.

Uncle Eck Dunford & Hattie Stoneman recorded "What Will I Do, For My Money's All Gone," and three other songs, at the morning Bristol recording session 1927.

Bobbie Gentry born "Roberta Lee Streeter" in Chickasaw County, MS 1944.

The Spade Cooley Show debuted on CBS-TV 1951.

Duncan Cameron, "Sawyer Brown," born Utica, NY 1956.

Bill Engvall, comedian, born Galveston, TX 1957.

Johnny Horton released "Johnny Reb" 1959.

Johnny Cash's "Ring Of Fire" went to #1 1963.

Stacy Dean Campbell singer/songwriter, born Carlsbad, NM 1967.

Merle Haggard released "Mama Tried," 1968.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens & Susan Raye's "The Great White Horse" 1970.

LeAnn Rimes, age 13, recorded her debut album "Blue" in 1996. The album went to #1, and remained there for twenty-eight weeks.

Collectables released "Dreamin': Very Best Of Johnny Burnette" in 1999, thirty-five years after his death.

Tim McGraw's single "Live Like You Were Dying" remained at # 1 in 2004.

-28-

Buddy Spicher, session fiddle player, born Dubois, PA 1938.

Harold Burkett of "The Four Guys" born Steubenville, OH 1939.

Jonathan Edwards, Bluegrass singer/songwriter/guitarist/harmonica born Aitkin, NN 1946.

Gene Vincent appeared on the "Perry Como Show," 1956.

Jerry Lee Lewis debuted on national TV, on the "Steve Allen Show," 1957.

Marty Robbins released "Its Your World/You Told Me So" 1961.

Bill Anderson's first No. 1 "Mama Sang A Song" debuted on the charts 1962.

Charlie Pride recorded "Kiss An Angel Good Morning," 1971.

Ralph Emery conducted his last all night radio show on WSM 1972.

Donna Fargo scores her fourth straight #1 single "You Were Always There" 1973.

Earl Thomas Conley's "Angel In Disguise" went to #1 1984.

Arista released Diamond Rio's album "Unbelievable" 1998.


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Country singer Mindy McCready may stay in jail until September

By ROSE FRENCH
Associated Press Writer

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- Country singer Mindy McCready was in jail Thursday and could remain there until a September hearing on a charge of violating probation on her 2004 drug charge, officials said.

McCready, 31, was taken into custody Wednesday at Nashville International Airport and booked into the Williamson County jail just south of Nashville as she returned to Tennessee.

She was arrested last week in Fort Myers, Fla., her hometown, on misdemeanor charges that she scratched her mother on the face during a scuffle and resisted sheriff's deputies.

Williamson County Circuit Court clerk officials said Thursday that McCready is not currently scheduled to have a bond hearing. A hearing on charges for violating her probation is set for Sept. 7.

Deputy District Attorney General Derek Smith said McCready violated probation in three ways: by being charged in a new offense; not reporting those charges immediately to her probation officer; and by the nature of the new assault charges.

She could serve up to three years in prison if convicted of violating her probation.

McCready's previous attorney, Lee Dryer, said Thursday he does not represent her now and did not know if she had an attorney. The clerk's office said files didn't list any attorney representing McCready.

Dryer said he doubted McCready currently has a publicist or other representative who could speak on her behalf.

Dryer withdrew from representing McCready last month after filing a petition that said the singer failed to meet "contractual obligations" or effectively communicate with him.

"The attorney-client relationship has eroded to the point that counsel of record is presently unable to render effective assistance," court documents state.

Dryer declined to go into greater detail about why he stepped down as McCready's attorney.

"I wish her well, and I hope she comes out of this OK," he said.

McCready was on probation after receiving a suspended three-year sentence for obtaining the painkiller OxyContin at a pharmacy in 2004 by getting a prescription in another person's name.

Still pending is another probation violation charge against McCready resulting from a drunken driving arrest in May 2005.

McCready had a hit in 1996 with "Guys Do It All the Time," but has struggled in recent years amid personal problems that included a beating by her then-boyfriend and suicide attempts. She gave birth to a son in 2006.

The singer was found not guilty of the DUI charge in July 2006 but guilty of driving on a suspended license. She then pleaded guilty to violating her probation but has petitioned to withdraw that plea.


 

Country quandry

By Ron Wynn I Filed Under Music, Miscellaneous

Newsweek’s current issue (the one with Barack Obama on the cover) contains an intriguing, nicely written but sometimes oversimplified article by Brian Braiker railing about the absence of veteran performers from country radio.

Braiker’s right on point when he laments the fact Porter Wagoner, Charlie Louvin, Ralph Stanley, George Jones, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson among others are mostly recording for indie labels and can’t get played on contemporary country radio. But he’s off the mark when he barrels ahead and dismisses essentially any and all current country music as useless pop fodder without more closely examining some other key issues

While I’m no huge fan of either commercial country radio or a lot of what’s being made on Music Row, I know that there are plenty of people in town who idolize George Jones, Porter Wagoner, Loretta Lynn and Charlie Louvin, and would be thrilled to be involved in recording them. The problem is none of them today could make a CD that would justify the amount of money it would take for a major label to break even on the project, let alone generate the sales needed for profit status.

Such companies as Anti, Hyena (which recently issued a wonderful Dale Watson disc), Shanachie (home to Daryle Singletary and Tammy Cochran) and many others operate with far lower overhead levels, and can focus solely on cutting a great recording and reaching the dedicated but tiny (by mass market levels) fan base who’ll buy it.

In turn, you won’t hear these people being played in steady rotation on ultra-competitive country radio stations anxious to get even a tenth of a ratings point bump in their Arbitrons. They’re not going to get lavish spreads in People magazine. But they will appear as opening acts for truly hip rock acts, like the White Stripes headlining with Porter Wagoner at Madison Square Garden. Charlie Louvin might not be slick enough for the bottom-line types at the video channels, but he’s good enough to fill Music City places like Grimey’s New and Preloved Records or the Mercy Lounge.

However the real villain here is a music business that long ago perverted the commerce end while continually neglecting the creative side. Music Row’s competing with high-profile rock, rap and pop types for chart positions, magazine and talk show placement, etc. As Billboard’s Nashville director charts Wade Jessen laments in that same article “They’re (the media and advertising execs) looking for a younger demographic with disposable income.” That’s the ugly reality and operational procedure responsible for much of the garbage shown on television, featured at multiplexes and even being cranked out by publishing houses.

Plus the Wagoner and Louvin discs, both among the finest country dates issued thus far in 2007, aren’t among the top 75 sellers on the Billboard charts this week. That means zippo to the music faithful, but no one employed at a major label can afford to put tradition and history ahead of the bottom lime.

Braiker also aptly describes the oddball situation of classic country outlets that won’t play new music and contemporary ones who shun anything from an old-timer. Yet he takes things too far by dismissing any and all new country as “crisp production, pop phrasing and cheesy lyrics.” The current Top 20 on the country albums chart includes Brad Paisley at number 1, Alison Krauss at 10, Martina McBride at 15, Rodney Atkins at 16, Gretchen Wilson at 17, and Miranda Lambert at 19. None of those folks should be lumped in the same camp with Bon Jovi. Jason Aldean, Bucky Covington and Josh Turner are three more young stars who thoroughly know and respect the country tradition and aren’t worried about crossover appeal. While neither Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood are Tammy Wynette reincarnated, they at least profess high degrees of reverence for classic country.

Country cannot be all things to all people, yet there remains one chart covering the genre. Just as jazz acknowledges that not many people who buy John Coltrane and Miles Davis albums also like those by Gerald Albright or Boney James, it’s time for a survey that realizes many Hank Williams listeners will never accept Kenny Chesney as a country vocalist, no matter how many awards he gets, or who he collaborates with on various projects. Certainly Chesney and Underwood are precisely what Music Row wants, young, popular performers who attract the attention of the entertainment mainstream without completely rejecting country’s roots or sensibility.

But there needs to be some mechanism in place that will allow Charlie Louvin, Ralph Stanley and Porter Wagoner to not only be the toast of rockers tweaking the music establishment and magazines reaffirming their cutting edge credentials, but also able to work and flourish in Nashville alongside those whose demographic appeal and age range satisfies the corporate set.


Country programming

Ron Wynn I Filed Under Television

Martina McBride will literally be all over ABC television for the next couple of weeks. She’s among the featured artists appearing on tonight’s CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night To Rock at 8 p.m. on WKRN-2, then she’ll be spotlighted July 30 in an ABC news special Six Degrees of Martina McBride, also at 8 p.m.. McBride is also the subject of a feature story in the current issue of TV Guide by Alan Light that outlines a hectic day spent with McBride during the recent festival.

This hasn’t been a particularly good summer for the networks. While much of the buzz and attention has gone to cable properties, viewing levels of network shows many weeks have set record lows. Lifetime’s Army Wives, TNT’s The Closer and USA’s Monk, Psych, The 4400 and The Dead Zone are the most talked about programs, while the debuts of new shows featuring A-List actresses Glenn Close and Holly Hunter are also on cable outlets rather than broadcast.

ABC clearly hopes to take some sting out of the debut tonight of Hunter’s program as well as the regular episode of The Closer by giving over the night to McBride and several other prime country performers who fit their youth demographic. These include Brooks & Dunn, Sara Evans, Reba McEntire, Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood. With the rest of their network competitors heavy in reruns, and the CNN-YouTube Presidential Debate airing two hours earlier, it will be interesting to see whether the CMA Music Festival tops the night’s viewing, what type of rating it gets and whether the audience breakdown satisfies the advertisers.

Meanwhile, for country fans interested in seeing older acts and classic performances from other eras, there’s an outstanding new option available. It’s the six-year-old RFD television network, which is primarily dedicated to covering rural America. But besides their staple of farm and agriculture programs, RFD is airing a wonderful new weekly interview show featuring the legendary country host, author, broadcaster and DJ Ralph Emery.

Each edition has its first run on Monday nights at 6 p.m., then is repeated several other times during the week. There are also rebroadcasts of such magnificent programs as The Porter Wagoner Show, Gaither Gospel Hour, Pop Goes The Country and many others.

There’s just one problem for Nashville viewers. If you don’t have either Dish Network or Direct TV satellite dishes, then you’re out of luck unless you’re in the coverage areas for Mediacom, Charter, NRTC, Bresnan, or NCTC cable. Thus far Comcast has not chosen to add RFD to either its basic or digital lineup, a strange decision considering Music City viewers would seem the natural audience for these shows.

But until they make that addition, Nashville viewers without satellite are denied the opportunity to see the treasures being presented on RFD. Both CMT and GAC are fantastic in terms of what they offer, but watching new Ralph Emery interviews and vintage footage of the Wilburn Brothers on RFD is one of the few things (along with a lower price structure, HBO, Showtime, IFC, the super stations and Encore’s Westerns channel) that make having a satellite dish worthwhile.



**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Sopapilla Cheesecake

2 cans Crescent Rolls
2 - 8oz packages Cream Cheese, Softened
1 1/2 cup Sugar
1 teaspoon Vanilla
1 stick Butter
1 teaspoon Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 365 degrees (right...like I have a digital oven- try
just a little over 350 degrees!). In a mixing bowl or food processor,
blend the cream cheese with 3/4 cup of sugar and vanilla until smooth.
Keep crescent rolls in the refrigerator until ready to use. Spray the
bottom of a 9 X 13 pan with Pam. Open one roll of the rolls and spread
them over the bottom of the pan (not separated). Spread your cream
cheese mixture over the crescent roll dough, then open the second roll
of the crescent rolls and place them on top of the cream cheese mixture.
Melt the butter, the remaining 3/4 cup of sugar and the cinnamon until
mixed together and pour over the top of the crescent rolls. Bake for
25-30 minutes until golden brown on top. Great served cold, but
I.N.CREDIBLE served hot with Vanilla or Cinnamon ice cream!
Tracey in OK




**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Today's useless fact - Why do people blush when they are embarrassed?

Blushing is a unique blend of evolutionary and social behavior. It's an involuntary reaction of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for our "fight or flight" response, but blushing is solely triggered by social cues. People generally blush when they're feeling embarrassed, scared, or stressed. As a result of the "fight or flight" response, the capillaries that carry blood to the skin widen, and the increased blood flow lends the face, as well as sometimes the chest, neck, or even the body or legs, a reddened color.

Excessive facial blushing, or
erythrophobia, is caused by overactivity of the sympathetic nervous system. The condition can cause a lot of psychological duress and has engendered several support groups.

It's common knowledge that animals don't blush. So while there are some evolutionary cues behind blushing, it's also linked to something uniquely human -- moral consciousness. Check out the links in our
Blushing category for more.





****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you


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