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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August01, 2007



 

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.


Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


WEDNESDAY AUGUST 1 ,2007

iT'S BBQ SEASON

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: What this country needs
is a supermarket cart
with four wheels that point in the same direction.

Our family decided to enjoy the beauty of Clarion/Little Toby Creek Trail in the Allegheny National Forest, Pennsylvania on cross-country skis. We split up as our son and daughter went off to rent skis, and my husband, Ben, and I put on some warmer clothes. When we finally rejoined the kids, our fashion-conscious daughter eyed her approaching father warily. Ben was a cacophony of colours, topped off with a huge, outdated toque and sunglasses he had bought ten years earlier. "Now I know why it took you so long," my daughter said. "Dad had to go back to the '70s to get his outfit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had recently moved and was attempting to write a check at a local supermarket. They asked for something with my new address on it for verification. I reached into my purse and grabbed the first form I saw with my new address printed on it and handed it to the cashier. I realized too late it was a notice sent to me by the bank for insufficent funds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do folks in Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of
eighteen or more?

A. The sign out front says, "Seventeen and under not admitted."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was teaching the agreement of verbs with singular compound nouns at the Community College of Philadelphia. "For instance," I explained, "you'd say macaroni and cheese is served, not are served. You wouldn't serve the macaroni one day and the cheese the next." "If my student financial-assistance check doesn't arrive soon," a voice moaned, "I'll have to."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'
Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"
A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A truck driver, who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor.

Assessor: "I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation."

Trucker: "Yeah, I feel really sick."

Assessor: "All right then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning?"

Trucker: "Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job."

Assessor: "And what about the cabin in which you drive?"

Trucker: "Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined."

Assessor: "What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?"

Trucker: "Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead."

Assessor: "Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container."

Trucker: "Yeah, that’s right. All lead."

Assessor: "Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning."

Trucker: "I'm not suing for radiation poison. I claiming for lead poisoning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Astronaut at a party told an author, and made her
very happy by saying, "Madam I read your book while
in orbit and couldn't put it down!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lowell was watching TV when he heard a groan coming from the bedroom of his sixteen-year-old son, T.J., followed by an outburst: "I don't understand this homework. It's too hard!" Lowell told his wife Jean "I'll go help him." About a half hour later, Jean stuck her head into T.J.'s bedroom and saw T.J. and Lowell playing a video game on the computer. Jean frowned at Lowell and said, "I thought you went in to help T.J." "I did" said Lowell, "but we needed some chill time because this math is so hard, it's frustrating both of us."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from
the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and
as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could
drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and
aching muscles.

She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the
owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to
do with hate or anger."

The dealer replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth
Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she
reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the
shucks and says, "I want this color, Sonny."

To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but we don't have any in
this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"

"No son, I want this color."

"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would
suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets very angry, and starts throwing ears of
corn at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the
lot.

One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices
the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset
about.

The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's
corn!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The instructor asked the children in the Sunday School class this
question: "If I sold my house and my car, and had a big garage sale, and
gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!"
the children answered.
             "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and
kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again,
they all answered, "NO!"
                 "Well then, if I were kind of animals and gave candy to
all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" Once
more they all answered, "NO!"
                    "Well then," he continued, thinking they were a good
bit more theologically sophisticated than he had given them credit for,
"how can I get into heaven?" A five year old boy shouted out: "YOU GOTTA
BE DEAD!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother never let me help much in the kitchen. As a result, my cooking
ability was practically non-existent when I got married. But, I did
remember mother mentioning to her friends that she did make cakes, pies
and other things from scratch. So my first priority after the
honeymoon, was to locate some scratch.

With mother's delicious cakes in mind, my first trip to the supermarket
was to buy some scratch. I found the aisle that read -- Baking Items. I
spent a good 15 minutes looking at everything from vegetable oil,sugar,
flour and chocolate without seeing a sign of scratch. I was sure it
wouldn't be with the pickles or the meat. I asked the clerk if they
carried scratch. He looked at me funny and finally said, "You'll have to
go to the store on the corner."

When I got there, it turned out to be a feed store. I thought it rather
strange, but I decided cakes were food. "Do you have scratch?" I asked
the clerk.

He asked me how much I wanted. I suggested a pound or two. His reply
was, "How many chickens do you have? It only comes in 20 pound bags." I
really didn't understand why he mentioned chickens, but I had heard
mother say she made chicken casserole from scratch. So, I bought 20
pounds and hurried home.

My next problem was to find a recipe calling for scratch. I went through
every single page of my lovely "Better Homes and Gardens" Cookbook -- a
wedding gift. I looked and looked for a recipe using scratch. There I
was with 20 pounds and no recipe.

When I opened the scratch, I had doubts that a beautiful, fluffy cake
would ever result from such a hard looking ingredient. I hoped with the
addition of liquids and heat the result would be successful. I had no
need to mention my problem to my new husband. He had suggested very
early in our marriage that he liked to cook and would gladly take over
anytime. One day he made a pie and when I told him how good it was, he
said that he made it from scratch. That assured me that it could be
done.

Being a new bride is scary and when I found out he made pies, cakes, and
even lemon pudding from scratch . . . . well, if he made all those
things from scratch, I was sure he had bought a 20 pound bag of scratch
also. But, I couldn't find where he stored it, and I checked my supply.
It was still full! At this point I was ready to give up because all the
people knew about scratch except me. I decided to try a different
approach. One day when my husband was not doing anything, I said,
"Honey, I wish you'd bake a cake." He got out the flour, sugar, eggs,
milk and shortening. But, not a sign of scratch. I watched him blend it
together, pour it into a pan and slide it into the oven to bake. An hour
later, as we were eating the cake, I looked at him and smiled and said,
"Honey, why don't we raise a few chickens?"

Author Unknown 

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**** Reader's Submissions ****

The Most Important Discoveries

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

More Thoughts On Aging

- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

- The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

- Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

- It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

- Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

- You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

A Police car pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway.

Glancing at the car he was astonished to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the cop rolled down his window and shouted "Pullover!".

The blonde rolled down her window and yelled back "No, it's a scarf!".

≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤≥≤

FRED

**** ON THIS DAY ****

"The Cold Within"

Six humans trapped by happenstance
in black and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
the first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking 'cross the way
Saw one not of his church
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death's stilled hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.
Author Unknown

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Practice courtesy. You never know when
it might become popular again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

IRL set to leave Michigan roots
Wrecked cars litter turn four at Michigan International Speedway after a crash during a warmup lap for the U.S. 500 in 1996. The race was run on the same day as the Indy 500, which sparked the rivalry between the IRL and Champ Car World Series, formerly known as CART.
Enlarge image Enlarge By Roger Hart, AP
Wrecked cars litter turn four at Michigan International Speedway after a crash during a warmup lap for the U.S. 500 in 1996. The race was run on the same day as the Indy 500, which sparked the rivalry between the IRL and Champ Car World Series, formerly known as CART.
By A.J. Perez, USA TODAY
The site of rebellion at the height of the open-wheel divide more than a decade ago soon won't be home to the fender-less, roof-less form of racing that once dominated the motor sports landscape in the USA.

Michigan International Speedway hosted the U.S. 500, an event that went up against the Indianapolis 500 on May 26, 1996 — forcing fans, sponsors, teams and drivers to choose sides in the still-fresh split in American open-wheel racing created with the formation of the Indy Racing League.

That tradition of open-wheel racing that stretches to 1968 ends — at least for the immediate future — after Sunday's Firestone Indy 400. That didn't seem feasible in 1996 as about 110,000 fans packed the track before the start of the U.S. 500.

"We drew a line in the sand," says Champ Car driver Paul Tracy, then with Team Penske. "That was the beginning of it all. Roger (Penske) and the CART board wanted to have the race on the same day as the Indy 500. We had a huge crowd and then the start of the race was a disaster."

A couple cars came together before the green flag, creating a 12-car wreck that forced many drivers into back-up cars and delayed the race by about an hour.

 

"I remember saying over my (in-car) radio that we looked like a bunch of idiots," says 1996 race participant and team owner Bobby Rahal, who, like many CART team owners, migrated to the IRL in recent years. "We had talked about how the IRL had all these Grade-C drivers and we can't even start the race without an accident. … The higher moral plain that CART had over the IRL went out the window at that point."

Owners in CART (now known as the Champ Car World Series) felt locked out by a since-repealed rule that reserved 25 of the 33 slots in the Indy 500 for IRL teams. The U.S. 500 was the ultimate act of defiance, a mutiny arranged quickly.

"A lot of people felt that CART would never go through with it," says veteran public relations consultant Kevin Wilkerson, who led CART drivers on a multi-city promotion tour before the race. "It wasn't until March until we really knew it was a go. Those were a lot of long, long days and nights and it was quite rewarding."

Jimmy Vasser won the race and more than $1 million in an event that proved exciting once it finally got underway. Buddy Lazier won the rookie-laden Indy 500, which saw decreased attendance and television numbers that have become the norm as NASCAR went on to steal the racing scene in the USA.

"I don't think anybody ever believed the U.S. 500 would be on par with Indy," says Vasser, who retired from driving and is co-owner of the PKV Racing Champ Car team. "It's hard to go up against an event with that type of history."

After the first date conflict with the Indy 500, the U.S. 500 changed dates. The event was run just three more times.

The track became home to IRL's IndyCar Series in 2002, but the relationship became strained when IndyCar officials announced the addition of a street race at Detroit's Belle Isle scheduled for Sept. 2.

MIS President Roger Curtis says it's up to IRL officials to come up with a date that works around the track's two Nextel Cup dates and is far enough away from Belle Isle in 2009 and beyond.

"They have tremendous drivers and I love the mix of ovals and road courses," Curtis said. "We just need a business model … that works for both parties."

Even though Champ Car and the IRL haven't been able to work out an accord in the years following the U.S. 500, Curtis remains hopeful that won't be the case between the IRL and his track after this weekend's event.

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-1-

Leon Chappelear, singer/bandleader, born Tyler, TX 1909.

The Carter Families first recording session was held in Bristol, TN, 1927, for Ralph Peer and Victor Records.

Ramblin' Jack Elliott born New York City 1931.

The American Federation of Musicians "AFM," called a nation wide strike against record labels, 1942.

Charlie & Ira Louvin recorded "My Baby's Gone" 1958.

Johnny Cash left SUN Records, and signed with Columbia in Nashville, 1958.

Buck Owens' released "Excuse Me (I Think I've Got A Heartache)/I've Got A Right To Know" 1960. The record peaked at No. 2 on the charts.

Roy Orbison recorded " Pretty Woman" 1964,

Johnny Burnette, age 29, died in a boating accident in California 1964.

Merle Haggard recorded his first #1 record "The Fugitive," 1966.

George Ducas, singer/songwriter, born Texas City, TX 1966.

Howdy Forrester, age 65, Country fiddle virtuoso, Smokey Mountain Boys, died 1987.

Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scoot Boogie" was #1 on the charts 1992.

RCA released "The Essential Floyd Cramer" 1995.

Pam Tillis' "Greatest Hits" album certified platinum 2001.

Gary Allan's CD "Alright Guy" certified gold 2002.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Pinecastle Records signs Beth Stevens

Monday, July 30, 2007 – Beth Stevens, one-half of the Stevens Sisters, signed a deal with Pinecastle Records.

She began her career in the Stevens Family bluegrass band where she handled the banjo duties at 12. She now also plays piano, guitar, Dobro and bass. Her musical career has seen many accomplishments, including singing background vocals on Dolly Parton's Grammy nominated "Halos & Horns" project. She and her sister April released two albums on Rounder.

"Pinecastle Records has been an outstanding label with a long list of wonderful musicians and artists. We have had the privilege of working with many of the artist and when you mention Pinecastle Records, the response is always positive," she said.

Stevens now is on tour with the Stevens Family band and is eagerly awaiting the opportunity to get into the studio for her solo debut.

"We are so excited to be a part of such a great label and look forward to reintroducing the Stevens sound back into bluegrass. We want to thank all the fans and promoters who have supported us for so many years and can't wait to see them out on the road. One of the greatest things about being in this business is no matter how many miles you travel or how many places you go it always seems like your at home."


Clint Black To Visit 'Regis & Kelly'

July 31, 2007 — Clint Black will perform the television premiere of his new single, "The Strong One," on ABC's "Live with Regis & Kelly" on Thursday, August 2. The song is the first single from his new studio release, due out October 9.

"The only thing wrong with doing the "Regis and Kelly" show is that it goes by too fast," Clint says. "I'm so excited, I'm even going to plan on being up that early. On a more serious note, the lyrics of this song shoot straight to the heart of their audience and I'm thrilled to get their reaction after we play it."

Clint will kick off his Up Close & Personal tour on August 23 at the Cerritos Center in Cerritos, Calif. He'll perform more than 40 dates across the country until the end of November. 


Carrie Underwood’s New Arista/Nashville Single, “So Small,” Hits Country Radio Today

Track Is the First from Her Upcoming October 23 Album Release
Two-time GRAMMY winner and reigning CMA and ACM Female Vocalist Carrie Underwood has new music at Country radio today, with the delivery of “So Small,” the first single from her upcoming album, releasing October 23. The song was co-written by Carrie with Luke Laird and GRAMMY-winning songwriter Hillary Lindsey (who co-wrote three tracks on Carrie’s debut disc, including the chart-topping “Wasted” and “Jesus, Take the Wheel”). Of the new single, Carrie reflects, “‘So Small’ is a feeling song on how people invest so much of their time and energy into things that aren’t really important. And you don’t really realize that until it’s too late.” After co-writing one song on her six-million-selling 19 Recordings/Arista Records/Arista Nashville debut disc, Some Hearts, “So Small” marks the first of several Carrie co-writes to be included on her upcoming album, and its message is one she feels can hit home with everyone, including herself. “And we’re all guilty of it, as I know I am, of just letting silly things get in the way. The smallest thing can almost ruin my day, and at some point I realize, ‘Good gracious, Carrie! What are you doing?’ I have a great life, and we need to remember the things that are truly important.” Underwood’s to-be-titled new disc reunites her with producer Mark Bright, who helmed seven tracks on Some Hearts. 

 
Elvis managers plan big-time overhaul for Graceland

By WOODY BAIRD
Associated Press Writer

MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) -- The thousands of Elvis Presley fans descending on Memphis for the 30th anniversary of his death Aug. 16 won't see much sign of it, but plans are moving along for big-time changes at Graceland.

Managers of Presley's famous home want to overhaul its tourist complex - with a new visitors center bigger than a football field, a convention hotel and high-tech museum displays that can give a new, digital life to the King himself.

All it will take to bring about those wonders is $250 million or so; the total reorganization of CKX Inc., the New York-based company that controls all things Elvis; and a publicly supported facelift for Graceland's struggling neighborhood.

The obstacles are far from small, but the people behind the plans, led by CKX Chairman Robert F.X. Sillerman, have a history of putting together big deals and making money for investors.

Sillerman, a multimillionaire dealer in media and entertainment assets, took over Graceland in 2005 when he bought the rights to Elvis' name and image from daughter Lisa Marie, Presley's sole heir.

When Presley died, his finances were in sad shape. Led by his ex-wife Priscilla Presley, the estate formed Elvis Presley Enterprises, opened Graceland to the public and solidified the legal rights to make money on Elvis' name and image.

Last year, Graceland took in $27 million in revenue, and the overall Elvis business brings in more than $40 million a year. That made him the second-highest grossing dead celebrity in 2006, behind only Nirvana's Kurt Cobain, according to Forbes.

Lisa Marie Presley still owns her father's house and 15 percent of Elvis Presley Enterprises, but CKX controls Graceland and its sprawling complex of souvenir shops and memorabilia museums.

"As great as it is," Sillerman said after a recent visit to Graceland, "it can be so much better."

The big, white-columned house Presley bought in 1957 for just over $100,000 draws close to 600,000 visitors a year, and for a week around the anniversary of his death on Aug. 16, 1977, it attracts legions of his still-adoring fans.

Graceland's current visitors center, souvenir shops and museums were cobbled together by renovating a small strip mall across the street from what the Elvis faithful affectionately call "the mansion."

The new plans call for leveling all that and building a 80,000-square-foot visitors center designed from the ground up for handling big crowds and high-tech exhibits.

"To put that in perspective, that's about six or seven times the size of the mansion," Sillerman said.

The center will be equipped for the kind of technical wizardry that allowed singer Celine Dion to recently perform what appeared to be a live duet with Elvis on the "American Idol" TV show, which CKX also owns.

"People will actually think Elvis is there," Sillerman said. "It's going to be, 'Oh, wow,' I can tell you that."

For years, Elvis Presley Enterprises, now a CKX subsidiary, has been buying land for expansion and has put together 100-acres needed for the renovation, which would move the tourist center to the same side of Elvis Presley Boulevard as Graceland.

"We've continued all these years to be a major destination attraction with a busy, pretty unattractive street running right through the middle of it," said Jack Soden, EPE's top executive and a major player in opening Graceland to the public in 1982.

Graceland's 128-room Heartbreak Hotel, also on the wrong side of the four-lane street, is to be replaced by a convention hotel, on the better side, with up to 500 rooms.

No timeline for the expansion has been set, Soden said.

"But moving straight ahead, with every intention of keeping the ball moving, we're probably looking at something in the neighborhood of a three-year process," he said.

Top CKX managers, led by Sillerman, want to buy the company for $1.3 billion, at $13.75 a share plus stock equaling 25 percent of FX Luxury Realty, an affiliate with plans to develop hotels, casinos or other such projects with CKX.

Shareholders are expected to vote on the proposal perhaps in October, said Sillerman, the company's largest stockholder with 34 percent.

The plan is to take CKX private, with a small group of big-dollar investors including Sillerman and "American Idol" creator Simon Fuller, and continue its focus on intellectual property and entertainment content.

Fuller is chief executive of CKX subsidiary 19 Entertainment, the company's biggest revenue source and owner of the "American Idol" franchise. After the buyout, CKX would become 19X.

FX Luxury Realty, as FXLR, would remain public with a much broader shareholder base to develop real estate projects in Memphis, Las Vegas and elsewhere, including abroad.

CKX, which also owns the rights to former heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali's name and image, might have a better shot at other such deals as a private company, since celebrities are often reluctant to have their financial dealings made public, said Bear Stearns analyst Christopher Ensley.

Bear Stearns, which is not involved in the buyout, predicts a total cost, including expenses, of $1.5 billion, with $600 million in equity and $950 million in debt. CKX management is expected to provide $200 million with the rest coming from institutional investors.

With Sillerman and other CKX managers holding more than 45 percent of its shares, approval for the buyout is likely, with a closing perhaps by the end of the year, Ensley said.

"I looked at the transaction several different ways, and I thought the valuation was full and fair to investors," he said.

Sillerman's past success in putting together investment packages may help attract buyout backers, Ensley said.

In the 1990s, Sillerman helped put together a group of radio stations that sold for $2 billion, and he was a leading founder of a SFX Entertainment, a sports and live concert company that sold for $4 billion in 2000.

Graceland managers have been working on their expansion plans for more than a year, and Sillerman has come to Memphis to talk with city, county and state officials about their assistance.

CKX wants a "mutual cooperation agreement" with local government for major highway and utility improvements and renovation help for other businesses in the area, particularly along Elvis Presley Boulevard, a once vibrant commercial strip now dotted with used-car lots and empty buildings.

"We don't want to create an island," Soden said. "We want to be a catalyst for the right kind of growth and the right kind of revitalization of the commercial corridors."


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Chicken/Avocado Tacos
Boil 2 Chicken Breasts (skinned, deboned and chopped)
1 Avocado
1/4 Cup of Mayo
1 Tbsp.of Lemon or Lime Juice (fresh is better)
Salt and Pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients together.
If filling is too dry add more mayo.
Fry the corn tortillas and assemble like regular tacos. Topping them
with shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, and onion. Don't forget to add
a small amount of your favorite hot sauce to top off these delicious
tacos !!!
Makes about 8-10 tacos


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Where was the ancient city of Babylon located?

Famed for its gardens and ziggurats, the ancient city of Babylon is now little but dust in the Iraqi desert. Babylon was perhaps the first big city in the world, dating to the third millennium BC. It stood by the Euphrates River on an important trade route. Various dynasties ruled the city-state as it grew to govern much of ancient Mesopotamia. Hammurabi was one noted ruler of the city, and established the Code of Hammurabi. This is the earliest known example of a code of laws publicly announced from a ruler to his subjects.

The city was destroyed in 689 BC and rebuilt to achieve its greatest size glory under the ruler Nebuchadnezzar II, who reigned from 605 to 538 BC. He is credited with building the hanging gardens, named by contemporaries as one of the Seven Wonders of the World. These dramatic terraced gardens were kept green and thriving by a complex irrigation system.

In 330 BC, Alexander the Great captured Babylon, planning to make it the capital of his empire. But he died soon after taking the city, and his successors built a new capital called Seleucia on the Tigris River. Most of Babylon's population moved to Seleucia, and Babylon withered and practically disappeared by the seventh century AD.

Babylon's ruins are near the modern city of Al Hillah and about 55 miles south of Iraq's capital of Baghdad. Much of the ancient site has been looted, and only fragments of some building foundations remain. Victorian archeologists excavated some of Babylon's treasures, and those can only be seen in German, French, and British museums. The enormous and elaborate Ishtar Gate from the sixth century BC is in Berlin; Iraq has called for its return.

Between 1982 and 1989, Iraqi president Saddam Hussein ordered Babylon's walls rebuilt in the fashion of Nebuchadnezzar II. Hussein also built one of his own grand palaces near the site. Today, the baked-mud bricks are about all that's left of Babylon's ancient grandeur.




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
The only time the world beats a path to your door
is when you're in the bathroom


LAST CALL Y'ALL
To help untangle my fishing gear, I asked my wife and her sister to walk the fishing line across our front yard and hold it taut while I reeled it back in.

A man strolling by saw the two good-looking women and did a double take. "I don't know what you're using for bait," he said to me, "but I'll take a dozen."



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