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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.


Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

THURSDAY AUGUST 2,2007
JUST ONE MORE DAY

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being, asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.

Prince Charles is driving his Land Rover to Sandringham to
see his mum. He enters the gate and waves at the guard,
just as he pulls onto the driveway he feels a *bump* and
a high-pitched howling noise. He quickly stops the car and
gets out, to his horror he sees one of his mums Corgis
badly crushed under the wheel of the car.

The poor dog is already dead and Prince Charles does not
know what to do. His mum will be heart broken and she will
be very upset with him.

Just then there was a bright flash and *pooof* a beautiful fairy
appeared floating in front of him.

"Who are you?" Asked Prince Charles

"I'm your fairy godmother" she replied in a soft voice "I sensed you
were in need and am here to grant you any wish you desire".

"Any wish I desire" repeated Prince Charles "What luck!
Well as you can see I just ran over one of mums dogs and
she will be most upset. So please, can you bring the doggy
back to life?"

The fairy godmother took out her magic wand and walked over
to the squashed Corgi and after looking at it for a while
she said "It is very errrr, squashed and I'm afraid my
fairy magic has its limits you know. Isn't there anything
else you desire, another wish I could grant you?"

Prince Charles scratched his head and thought about it for awhile. "Ah
ha," he said, "I know what I would like to wish for. Please can you make
Camilla as beautiful as Diana was?"

The fairy godmother had a stunned look on her face, she
paused for a second, and said, "Well, perhaps I could have another try
at the dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We finally bought a new car this year. Trading off the old one, though, was something like abandoning an old friend. We had bought it used for $8,000, and it served us faithfully for 13 years. We got $2,000 on the trade. That's a difference of $6,000. Not bad! It cost less than $500 a year. But now that means we'll have to drive the new one for 57 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home
repair project.

For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to
fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Pam, and I found our
sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.

"I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us.

Pam suggested, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the
lawnmower?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having moved from the city to experience a small-town atmosphere and the closeness neighbors develop, my husband and I were disappointed when our home was vandalized a couple of times. Then early one morning, I left the house to go for a walk and saw that my flowerpots were missing from the front steps. I was furious.

Upon my return, I was delighted but puzzled to see my pots back in place. I later learned that the previous night, knowing we were to get frost, our neighbor had taken my pots into his heated garage along with his own.

My faith in small-town kindness was restored.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A graduate of our school had extolled the virtues and benefits of jogging as a way to reduce stress. She faithfully followed a strict running regimen as a student in our program. Thinking I might be able to reduce some of my own stress, I took her advice and started running.

After a few months, I entered my first marathon. When the race times were posted, I was dismayed to discover that I wasn't as fast as I had hoped. However, I noted that my graduate friend had also run and had only been a few seconds faster. I went home feeling that I wasn't that far behind a seasoned veteran.

I ran into my friend after not having seen her for some time. The reason for our close race times was apparent. She was eight months pregnant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules.

Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?"

"My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp."

"You wake up at six o'clock?"

"Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I'm sure you've heard by now, Prince Charles will be marrying his longtime girlfriend Camilla Parker Bowles.

They will marry on April 8th.

If you'd like to get them a gift, I think they're registered at the Homely Depot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything
probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. 

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**** Reader's Submissions ****

A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel.

As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and said, "Sir, there is a one hour wait.  And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If you  please."

 Intrigued, the man said, "OK."

 The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"

 The man answered, "Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc . .

The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, But thought he would try a different tack.

The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100".

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend.

 The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.

 Again the robot asked the question, "What is your IQ?"  This time the man drawled out, " Uh.....'bout 50."

 The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,


 "A-r-e   y-o-u-r   p-e-o-p-l-e   g-o-i-n-g   t-o  n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e  
 H-i-l-l-a-r-y?"

N-O-R-M

**** Today's Links: ****

Cute little baby laugh video

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=8335

 

 Passport Help

 http://www.travelzoo.com/help/passportrules/

 

 Jmines

Clear the grid and find all of the mines.

 http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=35

 

Picture History

http://www.picturehistory.com/

 

Game Pipe Dream

Place the pipe pieces before the water begins to flow.

http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=83

**** ON THIS DAY ****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Indianapolis Speedway begins reconfiguring road course for GP motorcycle race

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — The Indianapolis Motor Speedway has begun a reconfiguration of its road course to accommodate a MotoGP Series motorcycle race next year. The 2.6-mile layout will be altered slightly from the configuration used the past eight years in the Formula One U.S. Grand Prix, which will not return in 2008. "This really isn't a massive project, but it's a very, very delicate project," Kevin Forbes, IMS director of engineering and construction, said Wednesday. Catch fencing and viewing mounds will be removed from inside the first turn of the Speedway's oval track to build a new, four-turn section for the MotoGP bikes. Also, a creek running inside the first turn will be filled to accommodate the new section of the course. Behind the Speedway Hall of Fame Museum between the first and second turns of the oval, a new S-curve section will be built to give the bikers more speed heading into the backstretch of the road course. "I think we'll see the majority of the completion occur by the end of October," Forbes said. The entire construction is expected to be finished before the track opens for Indianapolis 500 practice early next May. The inaugural Red Bull Indianapolis GP motorcycle race is scheduled for Sept. 14, 2008. The Associated Press

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

 
RECORD LABEL JOINS UNITY EFFORT AND BREAKS STORY!

Country Gospel Pioneers, W.C. and Annelle Taylor have joined dozens of artists, writers, labels, studios and other industry contributors in helping James Marvell's song, "Embrace The World" show that Christian music is about The Lord and unity.

Even though W.C. hasn't been feeling well enough to sing in the song he has joined in the unity by releasing the "Embrace The World" narration by, Jack Hodge, on their label, Circuit Rider Records. The Taylors are very hard workers. They have promoted Gospel music for more than 15 years.

A songwriter, artist, publisher, record label and studio all rolled into one describes W.C. Taylor accurately. Marvell appreciates the effort The Taylors made. They are releasing Jack Hodge's introduction to the Scheuerman/Harmon composition, "Embrace The World", on volume 53. The compilation was mastered at The Taylor's new Wild Fire Studio in Grenada, Mississsippi.

~ Just in: Columnist Jack Hodge breaks 3 &1/2 page story worldwide on Circuit Rider Online! Listen to Jack's Narration At: http://cronlinemag.com/augpage13.htm


Red Steagall To Be Inducted Into The Texas Country Music Hall of Fame

(Nashville, TENN. -- August 1st, 2007)? Red Steagall will be inducted into the Texas Country Music Hall of Fame in Carthage, TX on August 18. In a celebration at the Texas Country Music Hall of Fame Theater, host Ralph Emery will welcome Red and fellow inductees Johnnny Rodriguez and Bob Luman.

Red stated, "I am so humbled and honored to be recognized. There are so many talented artists and musicians in Texas.? I am so proud and grateful to be associated with them.? I look forward to many more years of making music and memories,"?

On September 15th, Red? Steagall's newest album Here We Go Again? will hit stores.? On the album, Red? is joined by some of Country music's hottest stars on newly recorded duet versions of his classic hits.? Guest stars include: Toby Keith ("Lone Star Beer and Bob Wills Music"); Reba McEntire ("Here We Go Again"); Charley Pride ("Party Dolls and Wine"); Ray Benson ("Bob's Got a Swing Band in Heaven"); Neal McCoy ("Early Mornin' Kind of Love"); Larry Gatlin ("No Way, No How"); and Charlie Daniels ("Truck Drivin' Man"). The album also includes Steagall standards like "Freckles Brown" and "Somewhere My Love."?

Red will perform one of his classic hits during the Country Music Hall of Fame Awards event.? ? To purchase tickets, please contact the Panola County Chamber of Commerce at (903) 693-6634 or email chamber@carthagetexas.com. ? Seats are limited. ?

For more information on Red Steagall, please visit www.redsteagall.com or www.aristomedia.com. For interview,? album, or photo requests, please contact Christy Walker at cwalker@aristomedia.com

ABC morning show co-anchor Roberts is fighting cancer

ABC morning show co-anchor Roberts is fighting cancer

By BEVERLY KEEL


Good Morning America co-anchor Robin Roberts, who was an extremely popular WSMV sportscaster before hitting the big time, announced Tuesday that she is in the early stages of breast cancer. She will have surgery Friday and will continue working while undergoing treatment.

"I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else. ... I have breast cancer, as my family here (at ABC) knows and my family at home knows," she told viewers Tuesday. "And I'm very, very blessed and thankful that I found it early."


Copied CDs, DVDs send man to prison
He peddled them from his car trunk in a Nashville lot

Associated Press


A man who copied hundreds of CDs and DVDs and sold them from the trunk of his car was sentenced to 10 months in prison for copyright violation.

Decharmus Grover was sentenced Monday by federal Judge William Haynes in Nashville, according to a release issued Tuesday by the U.S. Attorney's office.

Grover, formerly of Cincinnati, was arrested in November 2005 in the parking lot of a Dollar General store in Nashville where he was selling the materials.

Authorities found more than 500 copied recordings and films in his car.

They also found copying equipment that was powered by the car's battery, blank CDs and DVDs and nearly $10,000 in cash.

Some of the DVDs included new films that were still being shown in theaters.

In all, Grover had an estimated $11,000 worth of copyrighted works, according to the release.

The copies will be destroyed, and the seized cash will be paid to the victim industries as restitution.

"Violations of intellectual property crimes and copyright laws such as this occupy a high priority with both the Department of Justice and this U.S. Attorney's office in particular, given that so many residents of Middle Tennessee are involved in the recording industry," U.S. Attorney Craig Morford said in the release.




**** Amy's Kitchen ****  
        

BAYOU BREAD PUDDING WITH HOT RUM SAUCE

1 (20 oz.) can crushed pineapple
8 oz. raisins
1 C. dark rum
30 oz. stale French bread
1 qt. milk
6 oz. melted butter
3 large eggs
6 oz. evaporated milk
3 T. vanilla extract
1 1/2 C. granulated sugar
1/4 C. dark brown sugar

Place pineapple and raisins in a bowl.

Add rum and set aside to marinate for 48 hours.

Break up the bread and soak in the milk, then
strain out excess liquid in a sieve and place the
mushy bread in a mixing bowl. Drain the rum from
the fruit and reserve liquid for making sauce.

Add the fruit to the bread, together with melted
butter.

In a separate bowl beat the eggs with the eva-
porated milk, vanilla and both sugars and add to
the bread and fruit. Mix with a spoon until thor-
oughly blended.

To cook: transfer the mixture to a well-greased
12 x 9-inch baking pan and bake in a preheated 350?F
oven for 30 minutes, then remove pan and stir well.

Spread the pudding evenly and replace in the oven
to bake for a further 40 to 45 minutes.

Serve immediately with Hot Rum Sauce.

Hot Rum Sauce
2 C. sugar
8 oz. butter
2 large eggs
4 oz. dark rum
Reserved marinade

Combine sugar and butter in a double boiler.

Beat eggs, add to the pan and whisk rapidly
to produce a thick consistency.

Remove pan from heat and allow to cool, then
stir in rum and reserved marinade.

Reheat before pouring over the pudding prior
to serving.