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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.


Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

MONDAY AUGUST  6,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:   A SMILE IS A CURVE
THAT HELPS TO SET THINGS  STRAIGHT......

 According to President Bush's physical, he is the most physically fit president in American history..........
  He is in the 99th percentile for men from the age of 55-59.
  Which works out perfect because DickCheney's in the1 percentile ----
   so together they make 100%.

The doctor said President Bush's only bad habit is that he smokes an occasional cigar.
  And today President Bush said he only smokes a cigar to help him think, so luckily
  he's not doing it that often.
  I hope those cigars weren't left over from the Clinton administration. - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ELECTION RESULTS

          The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.   When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.   "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"   "Honestly?"   The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim was in a terrible wreck. He was taken to the hospital where he remained comatose for two weeks and
when he awoke he was ravenous. Finding the call button he rang for the nurse and asked if he could have something to eat.
She told him, "You have a broken jaw and it is wired shut. I can't think of anything that you could eat in that condition."
"Well, could I 'pwease' have a cup of coffee?" Jim asked through his clenched jaw.
"We'll try," the nurse told him. "Maybe we can get a straw between your teeth."
But try as they would, it just wouldn't go. Jim grumbled and moaned and swore
he was going to die without coffee until the nurse finally said, "Maybe we could give it to you in an enema."
She fixed up the syringe and began to administer it when suddenly Jim winced and drew up.
"Is it too hot?" the nurse asked.
"No, but could you please put some sugar in it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.  
The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives.  
Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.
Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.
"He's perfect.  He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner,
he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"
"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.
Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were all sitting at a table,
finishing dinner and discussing theology. Suddenly an angel appeared before them.
"I have been sent to grant each of you one wish," he said. "Who will go first?"
The catholic priest stood up.
"I wish for the destruction of all Protestants!"
Then the protestant minister bolted up.
"I wish for the destruction of all Catholics!"
The rabbi kept seated, so the angel asked, "How about you? What do you
wish for, Rabbi?"
The rabbi answered, "Well, if you're going to grant their wishes, I'll
just settle for another cup of coffee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of a store. As he
waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where
the post office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of
blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new preacher in town and
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to
Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Aawww, come on; you don't even know
the way to the post office!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self- conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said.

"Yeah, but look at it from my point of view," he said optimistically. "I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son wanted me to junk my old Ford Granada, but as I intended to salvage its nearly new tires, I hadn't got around to it. One day when I was out, he called the wreckers and they towed it away. Upset, I called them as soon as I got home. "Someone came and took my Granada away," I said. "Do you have it there?" There was a long pause, then the receptionist asked warily, "Excuse me, but did you say someone came and took your Grandma away?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My teenage daughter and I were in the yard playing with our new pet goat, who was exploring and nibbling everything in sight. We soon noticed that she ignored our lush green lawn and preferred to pick out harmful looking weeds and other non-nourishing tidbits. I commented to my daughter: "What a strange animal. She ignores all the stuff that's good for her and instead eats all the 'junk food' that's lying around."
"Oh, she's not so weird," my daughter replied. "She's no different from any other normal kid!"

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RESULTS: Firestone Indy 400

 

Andretti Green Racing teammate Tony Kanaan won the race, the last IndyCar race at Michigan International Speedway for the foreseeable future because the series and track did not renew their contract. But the celebration after his 10th career IndyCar victory was muted.

 

"I didn't enjoy a single bit of it," said Kanaan, who out-dueled teammate Marco Andretti over the final 15 laps for his third win of the season. "It was a bit crazy out there. People were chopping each other off, banging wheels, and cars were flying. That's not a way to race. Thank God nobody got hurt."
As the spectacular wreck on lap 143 unfolded, that didn't appear possible. The sequence began when Franchitti and Chip Ganassi Racing's Dan Wheldon touched tires. Franchitti's car went sideways and then flipped 2? times, gathering CGR's Scott Dixon among others along the way as sparks and pieces of various race cars scattered across the backstretch of the 2-mile oval.

 

"It happens quite a bit," said Dixon, whose bid to become the first driver in IRL history to win four consecutive races was dashed. "There's no disparity in the cars now. At the moment, this is just pack racing. It's like NASCAR. People are going to get hurt. These cars aren't made to touch each other."

 

Many of the drivers involved in the wreck hugged loved ones and crewmembers after emerging from the infield care center. Franchitti's wife, actress Ashley Judd, wasn't at the track, but his parents called her immediately.

 

"That was a moment of worry," said Franchitti, whose lead in the standings remained at 24 points. "I wanted to let everybody know that I was OK. I was fine, and I didn't want anybody — Ashley, my parents, my sister, anybody — to worry. It's not fun."

 

Franchitti didn't blame Wheldon for the crash.

 

"The same time he moved out, I moved in," Franchitti said. "We touched. It's one of those parts of racing that's not any fun. They're running so close together. It's not Dan's fault and I don't believe it's my fault. We're just out there trying to get an advantage."

 

Said Tomas Scheckter: "That's the scariest thing I've ever been through. I saw Dario's car in the air and then it was just a mess."

 

There were no injuries reported, but A.J. Foyt IV, the grandson of four-time Indy winner A.J. Foyt Jr., was showing everyone tire marks from Franchitti's car on his helmet.

 

"Man, we were really lucky," Foyt said. "I'm just very thankful that Dario is OK, and everyone else."

 

Seven cars were left running after the wreck, which caused 27 caution laps. Out front was Danica Patrick, who arguably had her best shot at career win No. 1 in her three seasons of IndyCar racing.

 

Her chances, however, took a hit when she overshot her pit on a stop under yellow and lost three spots and the lead, but she battled back to third place and was set to race Kanaan and Andretti when her right-rear tire began to go flat.

 

"This is like the nightmare of my life," Patrick said over her in-car radio.

 

By the time she pitted with 14 laps left and re-entered the race, Patrick was a lap down.

 

"This was my race to lose," said Patrick, who finished seventh. "I think I had the car to win the race. ... My teammates were strong, but I felt we had the fastest car."

 

Helio Castroneves, a winner here a year ago, and Vitor Meira came together 58 laps into the race, ending the day for both. Castroneves left the infield care center on crutches with a bruised right knee. X-rays were negative. Sarah Fisher, Darren Manning and Jon Herb were involved in one-car wrecks, with the only injury coming to Manning (knee lacerations).

 

The 32-year-old Kanaan said he enjoyed his duel with young teammate Andretti, who recently moved to Miami to live and work out with Kanaan.

 

"We did not have the fast car, and the kid was my wingman," Kanaan said after crossing the finish line less than a car-length ahead of Andretti. "He protected me, but he was also trying, believe me. I said, 'OK, let's play it to the end.'

 

"We respect each other a lot but I knew the low line was quicker. I knew from the back straightaway until the finish line, that's when I was beating him all the time. I knew I was stronger than him in (turns) three and four, and that's where I needed to be stronger to win the race."

 

Marco Andretti, who also finished second at last year's Indianapolis 500 and won on the road course at Sonoma, Calif., in 2006, said it was fun racing his older teammate.

 

"I knew we could run close together and we would be fine," Andretti said. "I just didn't have enough speed to get him."

 

The race began 4? hours late because of rain. Only eight of 20 cars that started the 200-lap event were running at the end.

 

Both Dixon and Hornish were able to return to the race, looking for points, after their crews scrambled to fix their battered cars. Hornish wound up ninth and Dixon 10th, while Franchitti, who dominated the race before his crash, was 13th.

 

The final result left the championship duel at the top exactly as it was when the race began, with Dixon, who had won three straight races and was closing in on Franchitti, still 24 points behind.

 

Scott Sharp wound up third, followed by Kosuke Matsuura, former Michigan winner Buddy Rice and Ryan Hunter-Reay, the last car on the lead lap. Patrick finished seventh.
 

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-5-

Hal Durham, WSM executive, born McMinnville, TN 1931.

Vern Gosdin "The Voice," born Woodland, AL 1934.

Bobby Braddock, singer/songwriter, born Lakeland, FL 1940.

Sammi Smith born Orange, CA 1943.

Justin Tubb recorded his first side for Decca Records 1953.

Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash appeared together at the Overton Park Band Shell in Memphis, TN 1955.

Eddie Cochran's "Summertime Blues" debuted on the charts 1958.

W. S. Holland joined Johnny Cash's band, as drummer for The Tennessee Three 1960.

Mark O'Connor, fiddle virtuoso, born Seattle, WA 1961.

Terri Clark born Terri Sauson, Montreal, Quebec, Canada 1968.

Luther Perkins, Johnny Cash's guitarist, killed in a house fire in Tennessee, 1968.

Mac Davis' #1 hit "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me" charted 1972.

Marty Robbins released "Among My Souvenirs/She's Just A Drifter" 1976.

Exile's #1 hit "Kiss You All Over" debuted on Billboard's pop chart 1978.

Rosanne Cash recorded her #1 single "Seven Year Ache" 1980.

Judy Canova, age 66, actress/singer died in Los Angeles, CA 1983.

Dolly Parton's single "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That" went to #1 1989.

Rhonda Vincent debuted on national television, on the Music City Tonight Show in 1994. As the curtain came up, it hooked the boom mike, and lifted it into the air as if it had wings. Rhonda grabbed the microphone and held on tight. The show was stopped while Crook and Chase came out on stage to see if Rhonda was all right. All in all, it was a memorable debut for a remarkable talent.

Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark's album "Just The Same" 1996.

Ray Wylie Hubbard's album "Dangerous Spirits" was released 1997.

Eldon Shamblin, age 82, Western Swing guitarist, died 1998.

Mindy McCready was arrested at her home in Nashville in 2004. She was charged with presenting a fraudulent prescription for the painkiller OxyContin. The offense allegedly took place at a pharmacy in Brentwood, Tennessee, in February.

-6-

Old Joe Clark "Manuel D. Clark" of the Renfro Valley Barn Dance born Erwin, TN 1922.

Herschel Sizemore, bluegrass mandolin/vocalist, born in Alabama 1935.

Myrna Lorrie, Canadian Country Music Hall of Fame, born in Canada 1940.

Mark DuFresne "Confederate Railroad," born Green Bay, WI 1953.

Lefty Frizzell headlined, as the Hollywood Bowl presented their first ever country music concert 1955.

Marty Robbins released "Singing The Blues/I Can't Quit" 1956.

The Louvin Brothers recorded "Send Me The Pillow You Dream On" 1958.

Darrell Scott, award winning singer/songwriter/record label owner, born 1959.

Loretta's twin beauties, Patsy and Peggy Lynn, born Nashville, TN 1964.

Tom T. Hall's "Washed My Face In The Morning Dew," was his first chart single, 1967.

Lisa Stewart born Louisville, MS 1968.

The Kendalls' single "Heaven's Just A Sin Away," charted 1977.

Steel guitarist Billy Bowman died 1989.

Wynonna's debut album "Wynonna," reached the three million mark in sales 1993.

Charlie Daniels released his second gospel album "Steel Witness" 1996.

Edsel released "Time for Travelin': The Best of Joe Ely, Vol. 2" 1996.

Colleen Carroll Brooks, age 70, recording artist/regular on The Red Foley Ozark Jubilee/

mother of Garth Brooks, died of throat cancer 1999.

Reba McEntire's single "Somebody" topped the charts 2004

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
John Rich’s Corvette Up for Charity

John Rich, one-half of the hit duo Big & Rich, has placed his 2005 black Corvette up for sale on eBay, with proceeds over the book value of the car going to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville.

August 3, 2007 – The starting bid for John’s car, which has only 17,800 miles on it, is $50,000. Check into this link to see the car, inside and out, and get details of the sale: John’s Corvette on eBbay.

If you want to tool around town like a big country star, here’s your chance. But hurry—the deadline for bidding is Aug. 8. 



McGraw's Grabby Fans Strike Again

Gina Serpe
Fri Aug 3, 5:24 AM ET

Los Angeles (E! Online) - Turns out Tim McGraw's family jewels got hijacked twice in one night. Though the second time around, the bauble was literal in nature.

During a concert Saturday in McGraw's home state of Louisiana, the same gig in which wife and coheadliner Faith Hill reprimanded a handsy fan for grabbing her hubby's "balls," another sticky-fingered attendee made off, briefly, with the Grammy winner's ring. (Click here to see this new video.)

Once again, footage of the incident has made its way onto YouTube and shows McGraw reaching out to the front row of the audience at the Lafayette Cajundome. He moves along the row of fans, shaking and slapping hands, until he realizes his band has gone missing. He promptly stops singing and begins questioning a woman in the front row, who does not seem to understand the accusation and instead raised her camera phone to the singer and attempts to grab his hand.

McGraw is then seen waving over security. But before the video cuts out, another fan, who was among the first to high-five the singer, is seen flailing her arm in the corner of the screen. It's unclear whether that fan had the ring or whether the ringjacking was intentional. McGraw's publicist, Jessie Schmidt, has yet to comment on whether the ring was retrieved.

However, a woman claiming to be the fan who was questioned by McGraw at the weekend gig called into Lafayette's local 97.3 The Dawg radio station, saying it was a woman in the row behind her who had seemingly made off with the ring.

Monique, who didn't give her last name to the radio station, also said the ring was turned in to McGraw's security team later in the evening and that a member of the country star's entourage informed her that McGraw had recently lost weight, apparently in his fingers, and that his rings weren't fitting properly as a result.

The concert, one of the more recent stops on the couple's Soul2Soul tour, made headlines earlier this week when video surfaced online of Hill lashing out at another female concertgoer for reaching out and inappropriately touching McGraw onstage.

The video showed the songbird chiding the woman: "Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don't go grabbin' somebody else's, somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful."

A fan who claimed to have been at the concert posted a note to the original video on YouTube, saying that McGraw had also confronted the grabby fan offstage before returning to the stage and giving props to Hill. "That's my woman!" he reportedly shouted.

On Friday, the night before McGraw's two-pronged fan assault, things in Hill's stomping grounds of Mississippi went much more smoothly.

Prior to launching into her latest hit, "Mississippi Girl," Hill told the audience she'd been "waiting all year to sing this song on this stage...Man, it's good to be home."

The Soul2Soul tour continues tonight in Glendale, Arizona, before wrapping up later this month.
 

Performers Suggest That Cox Radio Pres/CEO McNeil Be Fired

Fox News reports that the disagreement over the artist royality fee to radio was ratcheted up when performers complained Thursday August, 2, about remarks made by Cox Radio Pres./CEO Robert Neil. R&B legend Sam Moore, of Sam and Dave, is one, who is demanding that he be fired.
Neil said, "I saw the (congressional) testimony yesterday, and the reality is a lot of those people would be sitting in a shack somewhere in a small town if it wasn't for the fact that radio supported their music when it was coming up."

Moore feels the term "those people" is pejorative. Cox Radio owns R&B stations and oldies stations that Moore says have made their money from black artists for 40 years.

Neil doesn’t take this seriously. "The reality is that if radio doesn't play their music, they're not gonna sell their recordings. And if we have to pay tons of money to do that, then what you're going to see is fewer and fewer music stations because nobody is willing to pay it. It would be absolutely deadly to small radio stations. It's just silly. It's absolutely silly. There's no other word to describe it."

Neil told Fox that if the performance bill passed, he would charge artists to play their records. "That’s not payola, because it’s out in the open. It’s perfectly legal," he said. "The songwriters may make a million dollars over a lifetime on their royalties, but the performers made a hundred million dollars up front on record sales


Robbins celebrated

By Ron Wynn I Filed Under Music

Marty Robbins was a superb balladeer, keen storyteller, excellent performer and guitarist, and one of the most versatile artists in country music history.

Over his remarkable career that extended nearly four decades, at various times Robbins sang, wrote and explored in addition to his singular renditions of numerous country pieces blues, gospel, western numbers, Hawaiian tunes, calypso, rockabilly, pre-rock and teen pop, weaving all these into a repetorie that was still undeniably and prominently country. He was also a highly competitive race car driver and frequent participant in NASCAR Winston Cup races, featured actor in western and hot-rod movies, business executive and occasional author.

Sadly, Marty Robbins died December 8, 1982 at 57 of complications following cardiac surgery, right as his career was flourishing again. His final chart single “Some Memories Just Won’t Die” had cracked the Top 10, and only seven weeks prior to his death he was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. That recognition completed a series of honors that included his 1975 induction into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame and also a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for his contributions to the recording industry. He also missed seeing the debut of Clint Eastwood’s Honkytonk Man, in which he (appropriately) played a musician.

But starting today, almost 25 years after his passing, Marty Robbins is being honored with a tremendous new exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. The good folks there gave me a preview tour yesterday of “Marty Robbins: Among My Souvenirs,” and anyone who loves Robbins’ songs or country music in general shouldn’t pass up an opportunity to see this exhibit during its 11-month run. Greatly enhanced by the co-operation of his son Ronny, this exhibit not only showcases the amazing diversity and breadth of Robbins’ accomplishments, but shows just how much he crammed into his 57 years on earth.

Artifacts range from two of his trademark small-bodied Martin 5-18 guitars to his 1944 Glendale Union high school yearbook (given to him by the school because he dropped out in 1943 to join the Navy), a reproduction of his 1973 NASCAR racing license and a racing uniform that includes a Gene Autry Fan Club badge pinned to the belt, and more than a dozen stage costumes, most designed by Nudie the Rodeo Tailor. There’s also a collection of his albums, and selected video and audio clips depicting him on various occasions including several Grand Ole Opry performances.

The Curator’s Exhibit Tour begins at 1 p.m. today. Tomorrow at 2 p.m. there’s “The Story of My Life: Friends and Family Remember Marty Robbins.” This panel discussion will be moderated by WSM-650 AM announcer Eddie Stubbs (who might know more about country and bluegrass history than anyone alive). Participants will include Ronny Robbins, Joe Babcock, Jim Glaser, Bill Johnson and Okie Jones. Babcock was a fellow vocalist and songwriter, Glaser one of his background vocalists on many occasions, Johnson a steel guitarist and songwriter and Jones his longtime bus driver. Photos, film clips and sound recordings from throughout Robbins life and career will also be incorporated into the program.

Then on Sunday from 9 a.m. – 1 p.m. will be a “Marty Robbins at Town Party Film Loop,” featuring Robbins appearances on his national and international radio and television show that was produced in California from 1952-1961 and for a time was aired worldwide on the Armed Forces Network. That’s followed at 2 by another panel discussion with Lucy Coldsnow Smith, who spent a decade with Robbins and managed everything from selecting his studio musicians to ordering his NASCAR racing uniforms. She’s gone on to become a top film dialogue and sound editor, with her latest credit being Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Then at 3 p.m. the 1967 film Hell on Wheels that starred Robbins as a successful stock car racer and also has his musical performances and those of The Stoneman Family and Connie Smith will be shown.

Though numbers and statistics seldom tell all, or even most of, the story regarding someone’s artistic importance, Robbins was both a consistent commercial star and innovative figure willing to continually take risks. He won the first Grammy ever for a country song with his 1959 classic “El Paso,” also the first chart-topping pop tune in 1960. More Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs, the followup to the acclaimed Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs, later won a Grammy for Best Country and Western Recording in 1961. He’d eventually be named Artist of the Decade for the ‘60s by the Academy of Country Music and earn a Grammy Hall of Fame Award for “El Paso” in 1998. At one point Robbins even had three simultaneous songs at numbers one, two and three on Billboard’s Hot 100 POP chart with “A White Sport Coat,” “El Paso,” and “Don’t Worry.”

Last year The Who’s overlooked CD Endless Wire had a tune “God Speaks, of Marty Robbins.” He is a huge favorite of rockers from The Grateful Dead to The Clash, and Elvis Presley made “You Gave Me A Mountain” a ‘70s staple. Robbins and George Jones were my two favorite male country singers growing up (though that was information I kept to myself to avoid the scorn of friends completely into soul, R&B and the blues who somehow missed the fact these were (and still are) two of the most soulful singers in any style).

If Robbins were alive and starting out today, he’d be advised to stick to one sound and under no circumstances do anything on a racetrack other than sit in the stands and wave to the crowd. Thankfully, he came along in an era when he could not only insist on doing things his way, but would get the support necessary from almost everyone whose path he crossed, from recording label executives to Hollywood types. His music will always be with us , and “The Story of My Life: Friends and Family Remember Marty Robbins” ensures that he will receive the widespread recognition and attention he deserves.


Is Garth Brooks Making a Comeback?


August 2, 2007 — The Garth Brooks rumor mill is at it again with suspicions of a reported comeback. Dial-Global reports on a Country Aircheck hint that says, "Music Row is buzzing with rumors that one of the biggest stars in format history has recorded an album and is planning a return to the airwaves. While nobody's commenting officially, we hear this soccer dad's choice for a label vehicle is likely to foster spousal harmony." Since Garth is a soccer dad, and his wife, Trisha Yearwood, recently signed to Big Machine Records, the question lies in whether they'll also be label mates. Big Machine will neither confirm nor deny the rumors.

In related news, Dial-Global recently spoke to Rascal Flatts singer Gary LeVox, who says the group has often tried to follow the example set by Garth. "We've had so many naysayers," says Gary. "From day one it's just been kind of a way of life, really for us. You know, we focus on music and writing the best stuff that we can and keep it on that level, 'cause that's how we make our living. What we love to do is make country music and just try to keep pushing the envelope and bettering ourselves. Garth definitely set milestones for us and goals to reach. If we just stay focused on that and not get wrapped up in the other stuff, then that's probably our best bet."

 

"Tanya Tucker's Ex Steals $.5 Million Of Her Belongings"

Las Vegas police arrested Tanya Tucker's ex-fianc? and charged him with stealing half a million bucks of her stuff.

This is the latest chapter of a long story of violence and animosity between Tanya and producer and guitarist Jerry Laseter.

Vegas police say Lasseter was driving a U-haul with Tanya's wardrobe and jewelry in a caravan taking her to a show.

But Lasseter broke off from the caravan and threatened to sell the items if Tanya didn't give him gas money.

Laseter also left a note that said, in part, quote, "When you are trying to get someone over a barrel, make sure you got a strong barrel."

 

 

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

ORANGE JULIUS

1 Quart Orange Juice
1 Small (Non-instant) vanilla pudding powder
1 Envelope Dream Whip

Place all ingredients in a blender and give it a blend for about 15
seconds
Donna in Colorado

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Since yogurt is milk spoiled by bacteria, does it ever really go bad?

Yogurt does indeed go bad -- witness the expiration dates on commercial yogurt containers. But when you're talking about spoiling, otherwise known as fermentation, the schedules are flexible. Most retailers suggest that refrigerated "live" yogurt is perfectly edible several days after the expiration date.

Yogurt is simply milk that has been supplemented with a couple of friendly bacteria (more specifically, actobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophilus), then been left alone to ferment. The bacteria convert the milk's sugar, or lactose, into lactic acid. The lactic acid accounts for yogurt's tangy taste, as well as its texture.

So when you buy a container of yogurt, you are effectively purchasing an ongoing chemical process. Allowing this process to continue unchecked (i.e., leaving the yogurt alone for three weeks) will result in a lot of dead bacteria and lactic acid. The yogurt will taste sour. Feel free to try.

Some yogurts are pasteurized, meaning the bacteria have been killed through heat. Since this halts the fermentation process, the yogurt should last longer and may not have to be refrigerated. If your power goes out for a couple of hours, you probably don't have to throw out your yogurt. But check the expiration dates just to be safe. Yogurt category and for more.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.

LAST CALL Y'ALL
A heating and cooling technician trained a small chimpanzee to help him. The chimp was the perfect assistant. He wasn’t afraid of heights. And because he was small, he could squeeze into ducts to work on them.
Best of all, the technician didn’t need to pay him.

One day, a customer called because his air conditioning was running and running. But the house didn’t seem to be cooling down. The technician examined the cooling system and found a problem in the ducts.

The customer asked if it would be difficult to fix. “Nope,” said the technician. “I have a little duct ape that will fix the problem.”

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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