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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.


Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

THURSDAY AUGUST 16,2007
Aug. 16, 1977, Elvis Presley died at Graceland Mansion in Memphis, Tenn., at age 42.

In loving memory of
Elvis Aaron Presley
08 Jan 1935 - 16 Aug 1977

We loved to listen to him sing
and watching him up on stage

We would sit and listen in awe
no matter what our age

He gave music a new name
it allowed us to feel free

Even our parents love him
this guy from Tennessee

Only his body has died
his soul will never be gone

His music will play forever
for 'The King' will forever, live on

© abritelite


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred

NOT DUMB, JUST A BLONDE
I'm not saying our new receptionist is dumb,
but this is how she filled out her insurance forms:
Date of birth: January 12, 1978
Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces
Height:   20 inches
!!!!!!!!!!

Doug goes to see Doc Taz and says: "Doc, my wife recently has lost her
voice. What should I do to help her get it back? Doc replies,
"Try coming home at 3 in the morning!"
~~~~~~~~~
A southern belle was looking to buy a house. The seller said, "This
house hasn't got a flaw in it!" The southern belle replied, "My lands!
What do y'all walk on?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man
of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.   "If I
wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple weeks ago when his wife was away for a few days, the man slept
right through his alarm clock, and wakes up to notice that he is
terribly late for work. He gets up, and while he is rushing to get ready
he puts some bread in the toaster so he can have a quick breakfast. As
he's getting ready, he can't find his shoes, the shirt he wanted to wear
was in the laundry, and he has run out of toothpaste. When he returns to
the kitchen, the toaster has burned his toast even though it was on the
lowest setting. That was the last straw for the poor guy... he yanks the
plug out of the wall, throws the toaster to the floor, and kicks it
around a few times for good measure. When he gets to work, he puts his
hands on the keyboard and gets a severe electric shock. An ominous voice
sounds from inside the computer tower, booming, "So you're the one who
beat up the toaster!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever noticed that retired couples have reached a level of
maturity where they never have any of those piddling little quarrels
that other people do? They have one big argument that starts at seven
in the morning and goes right through till bedtime.
~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the man that met a little girl wearing a medical
alert bracelet? He asked the little girl what it was for. She answered
" I am allergic to eggs and nuts." He asked if she was allergic to cats.
She answered "I don't know as I don't eat cats."
~~~~~~~~~
"Phone Call"
 
A man answers the phone and has the following
conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day.
Dianne has been quite difficult... Yes, I know
I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you
know how she is.

**** NURSING NOTES ****

A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs a
finger dressing ... and your colleague has a "bad back."

It's your first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon.

You're doing the "Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell
happy-dance", only to turn around to see your supervisor standing there.

In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer
the most advice and the least support.

The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance
from the bedside.

As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in,
and take a look at the wound.

The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful
paperwork has no phone number on it.

Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated
with bodily fluids.

The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5
minutes before shift change.

You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need
anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters
the way down the hall.

The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell
more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the
English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.

You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've gowned,
gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the
depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed a
rash of admissions.

If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.

Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid ...

Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two of
your RNs.

As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the night from
hell and just want to go home to bed.
Susie
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We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

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-16-

Paul Warmack, "Gully Jumpers," born Whites Creek, TN 1889.

Emory Martin, banjo, born Hickman County TN 1916.

Phyllis Brown born Chicago, IL 1930.

Patsy Montana recorded "I Want To Be A Cowboy's Sweetheart," 1935.

Tandy Rice, Entertainment executive, born Franklin, TN 1938.

Billy Joe Shaver born Corsicana, TX 1941.

Paul Wormack born 1945.

Danny Flowers, guitarist/songwriter, born Henderson, NC 1948.

Elvis Presley appeared on The Steve Allen Show 1956.

Buck Owens released his single "Love's Gonna Live Here/Getting Used To Losing You" 1963.

Merle Haggard's "Workin' Man Blues" went to #1 in 1969.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Rollin' In My Sweet Baby's Arms" 1971.

Emile Robison "Dixie Chicks" born 1972.

Elvis Presley, age 42, died in Memphis, 1977. Inducted R&RHF 1986. CMHF 1998.

Ben Rosner RCA died 1985.

John Hurley died 1986.

Dierks Bentley's #1 single "What Was I Thinkin'," debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 2003.

Daryle Singletary took a few days off from touring and married nurse Holly Mercer in 2003.

Willie Nelson, Johnny Bush, Kris Kristofferson, and Lefty Frizzell inducted Texas Country Music Hall of Fame, 2003.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Is Kenny Chesney quitting music for a pro football career?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 – Is Kenny Chesney putting his singing career on hold for pro football?

The former Gibbs High Eagle wide receiver, all 5 feet 6 inches of him, will work out with the New Orleans Saints as a free agent the day before their pre-season game with the Cincinnati Bengals Aug. 17 to see if he is up to snuff.

Chesney headlines Cincinnati's Riverbend Amphitheatre the day before.

"I first met (Saints Coach) Sean Payton when he was the assistant coach of the Dallas Cowboys. He came out to a show in 2002," said Chesney, who is better known for being a friend of Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning.

"Over the years, we'd become really good friends because there's a very mutual respect for what the other ones does... He's told me he loves how driven and focused I am about what I do; he loves the intensity I have when I'm onstage... and how passionate I am about what he does, too."

Chesney claims he was "probably the slowest receiver in the history of the (Gibbs High) team, and it was a mediocre team."

"I learned how to really work playing high school football, cause you can't play it at any level and not be focused. If you do it halfway, you'll get hurt; you gotta go full-speed all the time...that's just the way it is, and it set me up for life."

Chesney is taking time out during his Flip Flop Summer Tour. He will play Ford Field, home of the Detroit Lions Stadium Saturday.

"They wanna see if I can make some kind of contribution," Chesney said. "They realized they were gonna be up there (at the Bengals Paul Brown Stadium) when I was playing Cincinnati, and they wanted to make it work. Turns out a lot of the guys on the team were fans, and Sean said they really wanted to do it."

Chesney will don shorts, a jersey and helmet to go through their work-out, standard practice and being in the huddle with the offensive line to determine if he's got what it takes.

"The day before I get there will be very intense, but I can't be there for that.... This is more about going over game situations, being out there in the huddle with (All-Pro quarterback) Drew Brees and (running back) Reggie Bush...and I imagine it'll be a whole lot faster than when I was in high school."

What happens if Chesney makes the cut?

"If I make the team, well, I'm gonna have to figure out how to get them to let me join 'em in mid-September - after my album comes out."

Chesney's "Just Who I Am: Poets and Pirates" drops Sept. 11.

 

Elvis fans remember death anniversary

By WOODY BAIRD, Associated Press Writer
11 minutes ago



MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Temperatures hit 105 degrees as thousands of Elvis Presley fans gathered Wednesday for a graveside procession to mark the 30th anniversary of his dying. The heat led to the death of a fan from New Jersey, a 67-year-old woman.

The woman was found dead Wednesday afternoon inside a trailer at a Graceland campground. She had chronic health problems, but the Shelby County Medical Examiner's Office said the heat contributed to her death. The Memphis Fire Department said it also treated at least six people overcome by heat, including an 8-year-old boy who was hospitalized.

Despite the promise of another furnace-like day, some fans began lining up for the candlelight vigil early in the morning, setting up umbrellas and folding chairs on the sidewalk along four-lane Elvis Presley Boulevard.

Mary Powell of Salinas, Kan., said she took up her post at 5 a.m. to be sure to get near the front of the line. "A lot of people would say I'm crazy, but this has to do with my love for Elvis. He did so much for his fans," Powell said.

The legendary entertainer, acclaimed as The King, died Aug. 16, 1977, at age 42 from heart disease worsened by drug abuse.

The candlelight vigil was to begin at 9:30 p.m. EDT and run through the night, with thousands of fans joining the procession past Presley's grave, located in a small garden beside Graceland, Presley's former home.

Several hundred people had lined up by late afternoon along the stone fence in front of Graceland.

Powell said she was with a small group of friends who cooperated in holding their places in line to allow periodic breaks to visit Graceland's air-conditioned visitors center and souvenir shops.

"We're not stupid. We know we should take our time-outs and go cool down," she said. "We take care of ourselves."

Temperatures in Memphis have topped 100 degrees for six days straight and the National Weather Service has advised residents to limit outdoor activities. Seven deaths in the Memphis area have been linked to the heat wave.

The vigil is the most popular and solemn anniversary event in a weeklong string of concerts, dances, movie screenings and other festivities put on by Graceland.

No one keeps exact figures, but the Memphis Convention and Visitors Bureau estimated up to 75,000 people would be drawn to town for the anniversary week.

Graceland draws almost 600,000 visitors a year and up to 40,000 file through the three-story white-columned house during Elvis Tribute Week.

Fans preparing for the vigil filled the souvenir shops of Graceland's sprawling tourist complex. Elvis impersonators, with karaoke accompaniment, put on a daylong show for fans packed into a large tent in a shopping center parking lot.

Workers from a Memphis hospital passed out free bottles of water and fans lining up for the vigil could take breaks to stand for a few moments in a misting tent dubbed "Kentucky Rain" after one of Presley's songs.

Abby Reeves of North Augusta, S.C., said she expected Memphis to be hot, but not quite so hot.

"We had some family here last year and they said it was only in the 90s," Reeves said.

When Presley died his finances were in sad shape. Led by ex-wife Priscilla Presley, the estate formed Elvis Presley Enterprises, opened Graceland to the public in 1982 and solidified the legal rights to make money on Elvis' name and image.

Last year, Graceland took in $27 million in revenue, and the overall Elvis business brings in more than $40 million a year. That made him the second-highest grossing dead celebrity in 2006, behind only Nirvana's Kurt Cobain, according to Forbes magazine. 
On the Net:
http://www.elvis.com

Fans gather for Elvis death anniversary

By WOODY BAIRD
Associated Press Writer

MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) -- Thousands of Elvis Presley fans faced thick humidity and temperatures that could exceed 100 degrees Wednesday as they prepared for a graveside procession to mark the 30th anniversary of his death.

And that could be daunting for fans who come to Memphis from all over the world and line up for hours before the procession - which winds up Graceland's long, sloping driveway, past Presley's grave in a small garden beside the house.

"If you're back at the backside of that crowd, you're like five hours away from going up the hill," said Jack Soden, chief executive of Elvis Presley Enterprises, the company that manages Graceland and its sprawling tourist complex.

The vigil is the most popular and solemn anniversary event in a weeklong string of concerts, dances, movie screenings and other festivities put on by Graceland.

A particularly large crowd was expected Wednesday amid a brutal heat wave, with temperatures predicted to hit 104 degrees. The heat index, taking into account the effects of humidity, was predicted to be as high as 111.

The famous white-columned house, which sits in a run-down Memphis neighborhood, draws almost 600,000 visitors a year and up to 40,000 file through it during the death anniversary week.

When Elvis died on Aug. 16, 1977 at 42 from heart disease worsened by drug abuse, his finances were in sad shape. Led by ex-wife Priscilla Presley, the estate formed Elvis Presley Enterprises, opened Graceland to the public and solidified the legal rights to make money on Elvis' name and image.

Last year, Graceland took in $27 million in revenue, and the overall Elvis business brings in more than $40 million a year. That made him the second-highest grossing dead celebrity in 2006, behind only Nirvana's Kurt Cobain, according to Forbes.

For the vigil, fans gather in the four-lane street in front of Graceland for an opening ceremony. As the procession starts, they light candles from torches lit by an eternal flame at the grave.

Many of the more experienced Graceland visitors have learned to leave after the opening ceremony and then return to join the procession hours later when the line has thinned. 

John Michael Montgomery Sued

John Michael Montgomery has been sued by the police officer who arrested him on a drunken driving charge in Lexington, Ky., in February of 2006.

August 15, 2007 – The officer, Joshua Cromer, filed a slander lawsuit, saying that John Michael made several false allegations against him to the police department’s internal affairs unit after the case was settled, reports the Lexington Herald-Leader newspaper. John Michael claimed that Cromer stole his cowboy hat and also alleged that he was a target for arrest because of his celebrity status. John Michael, however, did enter an Alford plea in court, which states that there is enough evidence for a conviction. Cromer was dismissed from the Lexington police department after the incident and is appealing his termination.



**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

"Broccoli & Cheese Topped Potatoes"
 

      
Ingredients:
1.)  2 cups cooked chopped broccoli
2.)  1 cup Hellmann's® or Best Foods® Real Mayonnaise
3.)  1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (about 4 oz.)
4.)  4 hot baked potatoes
 
Preparation:
1. In small bowl, combine broccoli, Hellmann's® or Best Foods® Real Mayonnaise and cheese. Spoon over hot potatoes. Serves 4.
Note: Use the microwave oven to "bake" the potatoes.
  

Fajita Salad W/Creamy Salsa Dressing"
 

        

Ingredients:
1.)  1/2 cup Hellmann's® or Best Foods® Light Mayonnaise
2.)  1/2 cup prepared salsa
3.)  3/4- lb. beef flank steak or boneless, skinless chicken breasts or peeled and deveined shrimp
4.)  2 medium red and/or yellow bell peppers, quartered
5.)  1 medium zucchini, sliced
6.)  1 medium red onion, cut into wedges and skewered
7.)  2 Tbsp. Bertolli® Classico™ Olive Oil
8.)  Lettuce leaves
9.)  4 fajita size flour tortillas
 
Preparation:
For Creamy Salsa Dressing, combine Hellmann's® or Best Foods® Light Mayonnaise and salsa; set aside.
Lightly brush beef, red peppers, zucchini and onion with Olive Oil. Grill or broil beef and vegetables until beef is desired doneness and vegetables are tender.
Cut beef and red peppers into strips. To serve, arrange beef and vegetables over lettuce and tortillas on serving platter. Serve with Creamy Salsa Dressing.  Serves 4.


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

What are the best indoor plants to help remove toxins from the air?

In an excellent article on office air quality, journalist Tony Jaros lists five plants noted for their ability to flush out harmful air toxins: florists' mum, kimberley queen, English ivy, dracaena, and golden pothos. If you work in an office building, Jaros suggests you keep a plant on your desk to avoid sick building syndrome -- a variety of unpleasant symptoms caused by trapped chemicals. We also found several concrete suggestions in an article on home indoor air quality from the EcoLiving Center, a directory of articles on all things healthy and organic. They give the clean lungs stamp of approval to: "bamboo, aloe vera, chrysanthemums, dracaena palms, English ivy, golden pothos, Janet Craig, philodendrons, scheffleras, and spider plants."

Besides plants, you can help maintain a healthy living environment in your home by keeping it well ventilated. It's also important to keep potentially harmful materials like cleaning detergents and pesticides in a secure place away from your primary activity rooms. 



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Don't worry about what people think - they don't do it very often.

LAST CALL Y'ALL

When movie actor Charles Coburn was a boy in the late 1800s, his father warned him never to go into a burlesque theater or he'd see things there he should not see.

Young Charles couldn't resist that temptation, so a few days later he snuck into a burlesque theater. "My father was right," he recalled. "I did see something in there I shouldn't have seen: my father."

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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