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These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.  Welcome New Subscribers God, grant me the Senility
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At this site by the USDA Food Safety
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Service, you will find a Cold Storage Chart which suggests how long something can be refrigerated, as well as frozen (for quality). http://www.foodsafety.gov/~fsg/f01chart.html The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
USS BARB: The Sub That Sank a Train
Game Deck Pong
**** ON THIS DAY **** Mack Sennett's
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I understand life isn't fair, but why couldn't it just once be unfair in my favor?" ---Christy Murphy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I watched Dario Franchitti follow his victory in the Indy 500 with a win here in Iowa before a standing-room-only crowd and knew we had a real winner on our hands," former NASCAR star and track co-owner Rusty Wallace said. The first major auto race in Iowa was not without its faults. Heavy rains left many of the fields designated as temporary parking lots unusable, creating heavy traffic on the roads outside the track the morning of the race. Much of the race was also run under caution, as drivers found little room to maneuver on the speedy seven-eighths-mile oval. FIND MORE STORIES
IN: Iowa | Speedway | IRL | Indy 500 | DES MOINES | Rusty Wallace | Dario
Franchitti | Corn The Iowa Speedway, which opened in 2006, is located 30 miles east of Des Moines. The Iowa Corn Growers Association, the title sponsor of the inaugural race, will return as sponsor for the 2008 and 2009 races. Both races are expected to be held in June. The Associated
Press By Anne M. Peterson,
AP Sports Writer Vollstedt hobbles in, apologizing for his hips and back, and then begins to spin tales of how he revolutionized Indy cars by moving the engine to the rear, his long association with driver Len Sutton, and about how he signed Janet Guthrie as the first woman to drive in the Indianapolis 500. And yet Vollstedt is humble, content to wile away the years in his garage, building race cars. --- FIND MORE STORIES
IN: PORTLAND | Indianapolis 500 | Indy cars | Janet Guthrie He was wounded twice fighting in Germany, and when he came back from the war he'd lost interest in driving. But he didn't lose interest in racing. In 1947, he built a racing chassis, put a Model T body on it, found a driver, and started racing at roadster events at Portland Speedway and other regional tracks. He moved on to sprint cars in 1952, designing his first true racing body. A number of legendary drivers have been in the cockpit of Vollstedt's cars: Jimmy Clark, Mario Andretti, Gordon Johncock and Johnny Rutherford. In 1947 he hooked up almost by accident with Sutton, one of the Pacific Northwest's most celebrated drivers. Sutton, who died last year, came in second in the 1962 Indy 500. Vollstedt brought a car to a roadster race for a friend and believed he had a driver all lined up. Sutton, driving for someone else, had crashed during practice and was fired. The rival team then turned around and hired Vollstedt's driver. "So when I got to the track, I didn't know it but I didn't have a driver. Len Sutton walked up to me and advised me I needed a driver and he'd like the job. So I hired him. He drove for me for nine years before he went back to race in Indianapolis." Vollstedt introduced the rear-engine Offenhauser-powered car in the fall of 1963 at a tire test for Goodyear. He was inspired to put the engine in the rear by a Formula One driver. But critics said it would never work, there would be too much weight in the back. By the time the 1964 Indianapolis 500 rolled around, there were four or five counterfeits of his design also racing, he said. A respected builder at the time, A.J. Watson, was asked what he planned to build in 1964. "He said, 'I'm just going to copy Vollstedt,"' Vollstedt laughed. Today it is the standard. Vollstedt's car that year started eighth, but the fuel pump failed on the 140th lap and the team could not finish the race. Old friend Sutton was the driver. "You know that old saying, if it ain't broke, don't fix it? That was the mistake I made then. I had a fuel pump on the car that had been running real good all through the tests and the qualifying," he said. "Then for the race I took that off and put on a brand new fuel pump that failed during the race." In all, Vollstedt participated at some level in the Indianapolis 500 for 21 years. The best one of his cars finished was ninth. "To finish first - first you must finish. That was my problem," he lamented. --- While Vollstedt toiled mostly behind the scenes, one of his greatest achievements was quite public. Vollstedt hired Guthrie to drive his car in the 1976 Indy 500. No woman had ever raced at the historic track. Vollstedt admits now that he thought the move might grab attention, and maybe sponsors. He asked around about female drivers and heard Guthrie's name and gave her a call. Guthrie didn't know what to make of the message. She called a friend in the business and asked if he'd ever heard of this Rolla Vollstedt. Guthrie's hands were shaking when she finally returned the call. "After 13 years in sports cars, I had no savings, no insurance and no husband, and I was considering whether it was time to move on," she said. "And here the heavens opened." Guthrie insisted on a private test, and she passed easily. However, she did not qualify for Indy that first year. She and Vollstedt were undeterred and came back to qualify in 1977. But neither was prepared for the chauvinism they would face. "Bobby Unser told a reporter, 'I could take you and put you in a car and you would drive faster than Janet ever will,' " Vollstedt said. Guthrie did indeed drive with the boys, long before the likes of Danica Patrick. She finished 29th, and afterward she and Vollstedt parted ways, but remained good friends. "He always used to say, 'Do you know what a racer is? A racer is somebody whose mortgage payment is due, whose kids are hungry and who needs tires for a race this upcoming weekend. And he has only $400. Guess how he spends the $400?' " "I really love Rolla very much." --- Vollstedt's garage is nondescript. Only the name painted on a glass door hints at the man who holds court within. Along a hallway are framed 8-by-10 photos from each of the 21 Indianapolis 500s he's been a part of. The family dog, Molly, pads about. Vollstedt moved to Portland when he was 2. He has two children and three grandkids. "I've lived in Oregon all my life, and once you live in Oregon, you're not satisfied anywhere else," he said. Vollstedt is currently building a bright-blue roadster with a 1925 Model T body that costs about $40,000. He estimates that on a straightaway, the small car will reach speeds in the 200 mph range. Dressed in his Vollstedt Racing jacket and hat adorned with pins from Indy, Vollstedt proudly displays the car's engine, just as he did decades ago at the Brickyard. "I only build them when I sell them," he winked. The Associated
Press **** COUNTRY CALENDAR
**** -17- Ola Belle Reed, singer/songwriter/radio performer, born Lansing, NC 1916. Wayne Raney, singer/songwriter/harmonica player, born Wolf Bayou, AR 1920. Rita M. Cote Breau, of "Lone Pine & Betty Cody" born Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada 1921. E. W. Bud Wendell born Akron, OH 1927. Former Opry manager inducted CMHF 1998. Billy Strickland recorded "To Be With You" 1951. Ralph Stanley seriously injured in a car wreck 1951. Clyde Mody & Brown's Ferry Four recorded "I Need The Prayers" 1952. Kevin Welch, singer/songwriter, born Los Angeles, CA 1955. Charlie Rich's first SUN recording session in Memphis, 1958. Jimmy Martin recorded "Hold To God's Unchanging Hand" 1960. Charlie Walker joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967. Jan Howard married Dr. Maurice Acree Jr. in Nashville, TN 1990. Brooks & Dunn's first album, "Brand New Man," certified platinum 1992. Garth Brooks released his Christmas album "Beyond The Season," 1992. Koch Records released Johnny Dowd's "Pictures From Life's Other Side" 1999. Keith Urban's single "Days Go By" was #1 2004 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Compact Disc celebrates 25th anniversary By TOBY STERLING, Associated Press Writer Thu Aug 16, 4:44 PM ET EINDHOVEN, Netherlands - It was Aug. 17, 1982, and row upon row of palm-sized plates with a rainbow sheen began rolling off an assembly line near Hanover, Germany. An engineering marvel at the time, today they are instantly recognizable as Compact Discs, a product that turns 25 years old on Friday — and whose future is increasingly in doubt in an age of iPods and digital downloads. Those first CDs contained Richard Strauss' Alpine Symphony and would sound equally sharp if played today, says Holland's Royal Philips Electronics NV, which jointly developed the CD with Sony Corp. of Japan. The recording industry thrived in the 1990s as music fans replaced their aging cassettes and vinyl LPs with compact discs, eventually making CDs the most popular album format. The CD still accounts for the majority of the music industry's recording revenues, but its sales have been in a freefall since peaking early this decade, in part due to the rise of online file-sharing, but also as consumers spend more of their leisure dollars on other entertainment purchases, such as DVDs and video games. As the music labels slash wholesale prices and experiment with extras to revive the now-aging format, it's hard to imagine there was ever a day without CDs. Yet it had been a risky technical endeavor to attempt to bring digital audio to the masses, said Pieter Kramer, the head of the optical research group at Philips' labs in the Netherlands in the 1970s. "When we started there was nothing in place," he told The Associated Press at Philips' corporate museum in Eindhoven. The proposed semiconductor chips needed for CD players were to be the most advanced ever used in a consumer product. And the lasers were still on the drawing board when the companies teamed up in 1979. In 1980, researchers published what became known as the "Red Book" containing the original CD standards, as well as specifying which patents were held by Philips and which by Sony. Philips had developed the bulk of the disc and laser technology, while Sony contributed the digital encoding that allowed for smooth, error-free playback. Philips still licenses out the Red Book and its later incarnations, notably for the CD-ROM for storing computer software and other data. The CD's design drew inspiration from vinyl records: Like the grooves on a record, CDs are engraved with a spiral of tiny pits that are scanned by a laser — the equivalent of a record player's needle. The reflected light is encoded into millions of 0s and 1s: a digital file. Because the pits are covered with plastic and the laser's light doesn't wear them down, the CD never loses sound quality. Legends abound about how the size of the CD was chosen: Some said it matched a Dutch beer coaster; others believe a famous conductor or Sony executive wanted it just long enough for Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Kramer said the decision evolved from "long conversations around the table" about which play length made the most sense. The jump into mass production in Germany was a milestone for the CD, and by 1982 the companies announced their product was ready for market. Both began selling players that fall, though the machines only hit U.S. markets the following spring. Sony sold the first player in Japan on Oct. 1, with the CBS label supplying Billy Joel's "52nd Street" as its first album. The CD was a massive hit. Sony sold more players, especially once its "Discman" series was introduced in 1984. But Philips benefited from CD sales, too, thanks to its ownership of Polygram, now part of Vivendi SA's Universal Music Group. The CD player helped Philips maintain its position as Europe's largest maker of consumer electronics until it was eclipsed by Nokia Corp. in the late 1990s. Licensing royalties sustained the company through bad times. "The CD was in itself an easy product to market," said Philips' current marketing chief for consumer electronics, Lucas Covers. It wasn't just the sound quality — discs looked like jewelry in comparison to LPs. By 1986, CD players were outselling record players, and by 1988 CDs outsold records. "It was a massive turnaround for the whole market," Covers said. Now, the CD may be seeing the end of its days. CD sales have fallen sharply to 553 million sold in the United States last year, a 22 percent drop from its 2001 peak of 712 million, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Napster and later Kazaa and BitTorrent allowed music fans to easily share songs over the Internet, often illegally. More recently, Apple Inc. and other companies began selling legal music downloads, turning the MP3 and other digital audio formats into the medium of choice for many owners of Apple's iPods and other digital players. "The MP3 and all the little things that the boys and girls have in their pockets ... can replace it, absolutely," said Kramer, the retired engineer. CDs won't disappear overnight, but its years may be numbered. Record labels seeking to revive the format have experimented with hybrid CD-DVD combos and packages of traditional CDs with separate DVDs that carry video and multimedia offerings playable on computers. The efforts have been mixed at best, with some attempts, such as the DualDisc that debuted in 2004, not finding lasting success in the marketplace. Kramer said it has been satisfying to witness the CD's long run at the top and know he had a small hand in its creation. "You never know how long a standard will last," he said. "But it was a solid, good standard and still is." GAC's Storme Warren Honored by Buck Owens' Family August 16, 2007 — Storme Warren, host of GAC's Country Music Across America, was honored with a Buck Owens signature red, white and blue guitar at last night's Buck Owens birthday bash at the Crystal Palace Theater and Museum in Bakersfield. The guitar represents the late country great's seal of approval and is the official induction into the Owens Family Ring of Honor. Warren joins only two other non-performers in that ring -- Dick Clark and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. In presenting Warren with the guitar, Owens' son Buddy noted, "Storme is a supporter who has gone out of his way in promoting the Buck Owens legacy." Owens did his last on-camera interview with Warren, a conversation that led to a GAC special in March of 2006. The two first met during an ACM Awards ceremony in the early '90s. Performers at the birthday bash - which marked what would have been Owens' 78th birthday - were Dwight Yoakam, Raul Malo and newcomer Lance Miller. The red, white and blue guitars were originally made for Sears as a signature model. Owens purchased the remaining inventory from Sears and saved them for people he felt deserving of the honor. "I can't play music, I can't sing," an emotional Warren said upon receiving the guitar. "But I’ve had dreams of holding my own red, white and blue Buck Owens guitar since I first started watching him on TV as a child. His music and his showmanship as well as his prowess as a TV personality have inspired me throughout my career." This Week At The Opry Visit the Opry this weekend to see performances from Trisha Yearwood, Clint Black, Cole Deggs & The Lonesome, Cherryholmes, The Grascals, Lorrie Morgan, Jennifer Hanson, Sawyer Brown, and more! In musicians' memory, Elvis has never left By BEVERLY KEEL Staff Writer In Music City, Elvis Presley is remembered not only by fans, but also by those who performed alongside him. Today, thousands of fans will gather at Graceland in Memphis to observe the 30th anniversary of Presley's death. Last week, several gray-haired grandfathers shared their favorite memories of singing and playing with him, while standing under photos of a young, handsome Presley at BMI's headquarters in Nashville. The gathering celebrated the release of The Gospel Side of Elvis by Nashville's Joe Moscheo. "We are getting old," said Moscheo, 70, who once sang with Presley as a member of the gospel group The Imperials. "We look at our pictures now, and Elvis is still up there looking so good. He pulled another fast one on us. Nobody knows what he would look like at 72, but we know what we look like." Bill Baize, a former singer for J.D. Sumner and the Stamps, said he likes to remember Presley as he was. "There are occasions when I'll stop and think what he might look like now. When I worked with him, I had a ton of hair, and now I don't have any. I sometimes wonder about how he would have changed." Presley's old friends sometimes ponder the important moments Presley has missed, such as holding his grandchildren and hearing daughter Lisa Marie's first album. Joe Guercio, Presley's musical director, believes it was Presley's destiny. "He had to die young because people like Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean cannot be old. I believe that." He was 'one of the guys' As numerous books have documented, Presley packed a lot of living in those 42 years. But it's not the internationally known superstar that his friends miss, but the mischievous friend who loved to end the night with the singing of gospel songs. "When we'd be on the road, he'd come into my room and we'd sit and talk like common people, like friends do," said Ed Hill, who sang with the Stamps. "I'll never forget that as long as I live. "The first thing I was told by J.D. Sumner was, 'Treat him like one of the guys.' I said, 'How do you do that?' But after you got to know him, that is the way he wanted to be treated. We just talked like all friends talked. Our conversation was whatever was on our minds." Hill was at the Nashville airport, waiting to meet up with Presley on tour, when he got word that a death had canceled the tour. "We thought it was his daddy," Hill said. "We got home, and I turned on the television, and that's how I found out." That friendship from decades ago has stuck firmly with him. "He is always in my mind. Everywhere I go, people want to know something and talk about him." After two days of working with Presley, Guercio was asked how he liked working with the singer. Presley didn't like to have show sets, preferring to just pull out a tune and sing it. That made things a challenge for Guercio, who was in charge of 32 musicians. "I said, 'It's like marbles rolling down concrete steps — just everywhere, anywhere, anytime he wants to be there,' " Guercio said. "The next night I come to work, I open my dressing room (door), and there are hundreds of marbles on the floor. There are marbles in the sink, in all of my clothes pockets, and written on the mirror in soap is, 'Follow the marble — E.P.' " A cake broke the ice The Stamps' Armond Morales remembered how nervous Presley was during the monthlong rehearsals for his first show in Las Vegas. On Presley's birthday, the chef brought a large cake that he had labored over most of the day into the rehearsal hall. "One of the guys said, 'Come here, Elvis, and look at this beautiful cake.' They took it and threw it all over him," Morales said. "I mean, that chef had to just freak out because he had worked so hard on it. They started throwing the cake and laughing." Moscheo said he had no idea what Presley would have thought about the hubbub over his death 30 years later. "Of course, he knew he was a superstar," said Moscheo, who is heavily involved with this month's festivities surrounding the 30th anniversary. "Of course, he knew he was gorgeous and one of a kind. But what would he think? He probably would be blas? about it, like he was before. "He was Elvis onstage, and offstage he was just Gladys' kid. It was weird." Baize's favorite memory occurred right before a Vegas show, when onstage musicians and singers were preparing for the intro, the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey. But Presley was nowhere to be found. He was discovered in the men's bathroom, kneeling on the floor. "He was in there praying that he would do a good job for his fans," Baize said. Baize is now a traveling evangelist, and he is frequently asked if Presley was a Christian. "I always say to people that he says he was a Christian, so I have to believe that," he said. "I'll have to wait to get to heaven to find out!" **** Amy's Kitchen **** Diabetic Delight... Cappuccino
Cookies
Source: dLife 1 (18.25-ounce) box reduced-fat devil's food cake mix (Betty Crocker Sweet Rewards)-dry-do not make as directed on box 1 tablespoon instant coffee 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3/4 cup skim milk 2 (4-ounce) containers Egg Beaters (or 8 egg whites) 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Spray 4 cookie sheets with non-fat cooking spray. Set aside. 2. In a medium-sized bowl, combine all ingredients together with a spatula until well blended. 3. Drop by rounded heaping teaspoonfuls onto prepared cookie sheets. 4. Bake at 400 degrees F. for 5 minutes or until centers are set. Per Serving-- Calories: 47 Carbohydrates: 9g Protein 1g Total Fat 1g Cholesterol 0mg Sodium 93mg Low / No
Fat: Lemon Oatmeal
Cookies
2/3 cup vegetable oil 2/3 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup egg whites 2 tablespoons lemon juice 2 tablespoons grated fresh, or finely chopped, dried lemon rind 1 teaspoon lemon flavoring 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup rolled oats 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1-1/2 cup crispy rice cereal Place oil and brown sugar in a mixer bowl in a mixer bowl and mix at medium speed until creamy. Add egg whites, lemon juice, rind and flavoring, and mix at medium speed until well blended.Stir flour, oatmeal, baking powder and baking soda together to blend well; add to creamy mixture while beating at medium speed. Stir in cereal.Drop by the tablespoonful onto cookie sheets left ungreased or lined with aluminum foil.Bake at 350F for 8 to 10 mins or until cookies are lightly browned.Remove cookies to a wire rack and cool. Servings 36 Cals: 87 Protein: 1g Fat: 4g Carbs: 11g Exchanges: 2/3 Bread and 1 Fat **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** abracadabra: Ignore those who say
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