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Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

THURSDAY AUGUST 23,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: You're starting to believe that having the kids in school year- round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.They start back today!!!

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend.

The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in
front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward
a vacant pump.

"Sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last
minute to get ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my
business."
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It had been a long day in traffic court, and the judge was listening to the final case on the docket. The police officer stated that he had observed the defendant travelling significantly above the posted speed limit. In response, the defendant went on and on about the road conditions, the amount of traffic and his innocence. Then, certain he had won his case, he melodramatically proclaimed, "Why, Your Honour, I'll even take a lie detector test." "Son," the judge wearily replied, "I am the lie detector."
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Jill, a blonde, went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English
saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn, and one didn't.

Jill replies, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll
run into too much traffic out here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The software engineering field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 25 to 1.

This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates among their peers. However, software types have a well-earned reputation for being... well, a little strange.

While discussing the prospect of working in the software industry, one woman commented to another: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
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A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a last
minute business meeting.

He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know
that he would not be leaving with them.

He hastily scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk.

"I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 700 p.m., the man comes back to his desk and finds this note...

"Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, idiot!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television.

"It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said.

He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done.

"We put our TV away in the closet."

"That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it gets awfully crowded in there."
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A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell."

This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell.

So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."

Another one said, "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless I mend my ways, I better start soon."

At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything. They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely you'll be going to Heaven?"

She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!"

They were shocked and asked, "Why??"

"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Jones called the doctor's office and was met with this response by
the secretary. "This is Dr. Whitman's office. What would you like to
talk about?"

Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, "I
want to order a hamburger with fries. For Christ's sake, why would I
call a doctor if I didn't feel sick? I'm very sick. I need to see the
doctor."

"Fine," replied the secretary, "I can make an appointment for you. Let
me see, ahhhh yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday."

"Great," said Mrs. Jones, "I'll have my mortician drop me off then!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 She gave a personal check in payment and said to
the clerk, "I suppose you will want to see some
identification."
 He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be
necessary."
 "How come?" my wife asked.
 "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk. 

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Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
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It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
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