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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August27, 2007



 
 



From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


MONDAY AUGUST  27,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Did you hear about the blonde won a gold medal at the Olympics?...She was so proud of it, she had it bronzed!

Observations by an Air Force Pilot.

I'm confident that in approximately 15 minutes this article will be in
the inboxes of every resident of the free world and maybe even a few
people in France. Chris Thomas, Air Force Pilot:

I would like to add my two cents about my John Kerry experience. During
my career as an Air Force pilot, I spent two years flying a small twin
engine prop plane around the Pacific from my base in Okinawa, Japan. On
one trip we had to fly Senator Kerry, his congressional aide, and a Navy
Captain (Vietnam, A-4 fighter pilot) who was also in Kerry's party to
various locations in Vietnam and Cambodia as part of the MIA/POW talks.

When I met him, he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his sailboat on
it. I told him I had a 27' sailboat in Okinawa, he remarked "Oh I never
sail on anything less than 135 feet."

Thanks, Senator, "I feel even better about the meager salary I get paid
for flying you around the Pacific." When we first flew him into Phnom
Penh, he went to the back of the airplane and grabbed the pizza that was
put aside for the crew and passed it around to his staff. He was never
offered any pizza because they were supposed to have lunch with the
Cambodian government when we landed. The pizza was the crew's only meal
for that day and he ate it.

Then when we picked him up in Cambodia, he was an hour late getting to
the airport. Because fuel was an issue, we could not start the engines
and therefore the air conditioning until he arrived. Phnom Penh at that
time was over 100 degrees with 95% humidity and we were basically
sitting in a greenhouse behind the cockpit windows.

When he finally did arrive, we were wringing out our clothes from the
perspiration. He walks out of the air conditioned car, into the airplane
and asks us "Could you guys get the air-conditioning running, I'm a
little warm?" The other pilot had to physically restrain me from going
back there and picking a fight.

Then we took him into Noi Bai airfield in Hanoi.

After we picked him up the next day (he stayed the night in Vietnam, we
stayed in Bangkok) we taxied out, ran up the engines for take off and
noticed that our prop rpm was vibrating all over the place. We taxied
off to the side to look at it, but there was a good possibility that
there was an engine malfunction and the engine may fail if we took off
with it.

Well, Mr. Senator sticks his head up in the cockpit and says "This
plane WILL take off, I have a press conference in Bangkok in three hours!"
(Maybe this is an indication of how he will run the FAA).

American service members lives be damned, we had our Senatorial orders.
We ran the engines again, and did not have the problem, so we took off
and made it back. During the flight, he told everyone how he had taken a
Cessna (a small General aviation plane)up with a fighter pilot, and the
fighter pilot remarked that Kerry was one of the best pilots he had ever
seen. I don't know about other pilots out there,but it's hard to imagine
a little, single-engine prop plane pilot being able to show the "right
stuff."

After Kerry left the plane, the Navy Captain came up to us, apologized
and said basically that "he knows Kerry is a jerk" and that we should
be glad we don't have to deal with him every day. Your choice folks.
Elections in November. You want a mega-millionaire ego-maniac
it's-all-about-me crew-eating-pizza-ite like Kerry or maybe a Green
Party candidate like Ralph Nader? Or, God forbid, maybe even re-elect
George Bush, a nice God fearing Christian bent on protecting us from
terrorist attacks on US soil?

Hmmm, let's see?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Although my friend Cathy was in labor with her first child,
she was nonetheless amused to learn that in the very next
delivery room, another Cathy was also in labor. Both
women were receiving enthusiastic coaching from their
respective husbands. From my friend's room, shouts
of "Come on, Cathy! Come on, Cathy!" could be heard,
while similar cries of "Push, Cathy! Push, Cathy!" emanated
from the neighboring room. After many minutes of this
seemingly competitive coaching, my friend delivered
her beautiful baby boy, and in an exhausted but triumphant voice,
declared, "I won!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were staying at a country resort and became friendly with the handyman. "My neighbour has a nice little cottage for sale, case you're interested," he told us. Despite its run-down appearance, we fell in love with the place and bought it "as is." The day we moved in, our new friend dropped by. "You got a good buy," he admitted. "Cottage needs some work though. Roof leaks, plumbing's shot and the well runs dry in the summer." Dismayed, I retorted, "Why didn't you tell us that before we bought it?" "Weren't neighbors then," he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is generally acknowledged that children learn a lot from their parents. It is not so commonly admitted that parents learn a great deal from their children. As adults, it is easy to assume that we are always right, but the laugh was on me one beautiful day. My daughter Bonnie knew how much I loved flowers and when she was nine years old felt this justified taking some branches from our neighbor's blossoming fruit tree. Realizing where she had got them, but recognizing her intention to please me, I didn't scold her but chose a different approach. "These are lovely, Bonnie, but do you realize that if you had left them on the tree, each of these blossoms would have become a cherry?" "No, they wouldn't have," she stated firmly. "Oh, yes, they would have. Each of these blossoms would have grown into a cherry." "No, they wouldn't," she said again stubbornly. "Bonnie," I said, somewhat angrily, "each one of these blossoms would have become a cherry!" "Well, okay," she finally conceded, "but they were plums last year!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.

"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"

The company refused.

So Mom said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that the bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After an hour of "just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint-store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on. "Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked. "Don't come back here," he begged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a hurry to keep an appointment, we left our phone out on the patio, where it got drenched by a spring rain. Home again, I drained the water out of it and plugged it back in. It still worked, and I promptly forgot about the incident. A few days later my father-in-law picked up the receiver to make a call. More water dripped out. Looking perplexed, he turned to my husband. "Nick," he asked in a serious tone, "have you been working on the plumbing again?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother-in-law loves to cook, and my father-in-law loves gardening. One day she needed an onion, and went to the mesh bag he had hung near the back door to get one. They both found the resultant dish tasty - but different. The next morning, as he reached for the mesh bag, Dad announced that he had better plant those tulip bulbs before it rained.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The owner of new 40 ft. yacht invited his only sister to go for a three day cruise. Going directly to the dock from the airport the sister and her luggage arrived a little earlier than expected. The brother, upon arriving and seeing her luggage said, "you should have warned me, I would have bought a bigger boat!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mamy people hold down two jobs, so I wasn't surprised when my hairdresser mentioned to me that he also worked part time at the racetrack. "That's interesting," I said. "What do you do?" As he finished styling my hair, he replied, "I groom horses."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving along a residential street, I spotted a little girl on the edge of the sidewalk clutching an armful of daisies and dandelions, which she was obviously trying to sell. I stopped and asked how much she charged for her flowers. Holding out a bunch, she answered, "If it's just for somebody you're giving them to, it's five cents, but if it's for somebody you like it's ten cents, but if it's for somebody you . . ." At that point, I produced a quarter and said, "I'm sold. What can I buy for this?" Without hesitation, she handed me the whole bunch and accepted the quarter. But before heading for the candy store, she looked up, smiled and said, "It's nice to sell my flowers to someone who is going to give them to somebody he loves."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent. On
the windshield was a note and a phone number from
the driver. "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when
I called. "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next
parking spot." "Please, don't worry," I said to her.
"I'm sure our insurance companies will take care
of everything." "Thank you for your understanding,"
she said. "You're so much nicer than the man I hit
on the way out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A 17-year-old girl had just gotten her driver's license and offered 
to take her mom's car to the gas station. She pulled up to the full-
service pumps, and the attendant asked, "What grade, miss?" 
"Eleventh!" she replied.
We had so many cucumbers we were having trouble finding different ways to use them up. Neither my mother nor I wanted to make one huge batch of something we'd be eating forever, so I was digging through all Mom's recipe books for new and interesting ideas. After hours of work, we had whittled the piles down to a manageable level. Finally I found yet another relatively simple recipe and showed it to Mom. She started laughing. She had contributed it to a community book published for fund-raising and had later bought a copy to help out. She had forgotten the recipe and hadn't looked at the booklet in 30 years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother sardine was exercising her brood one day, when a submarine went by, leaving them in some disorder. "Don't worry," she reassured her family, "it's just a canful of people."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have a new employee at the local Home Depot. He just moved here from Mexico and has proven to be very knowledgeable and helpful to the sawdust challenged like myself. Yesterday I needed his guidance after ruining several pieces of wood with my newly purchased belt sander. A fast trip to the store led to the retro question, "Can you tell me the way to sand, Jose?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bank Robber

An FBI agent was talking to a bank teller after the bank had been robbed
for the third time by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" he asked.

"Yes, he seems to be better dressed each time," the teller replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband met me at the doctor's office for my routine checkup,
and from there we decided to go out to eat. Since we had driven
in separate cars, I arrived at the restaurant first. "One for dinner?
asked the hostess. "No," I replied. "There will be two of us in just
a minute." When I saw the panicky look on the hostess's face, I
realized I had forgotten about my appearance. Anybody could
see that I was at least 8 1/2 months pregnant
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Camping in the rain is such an adventure! My favorite part has to be
breaking camp in a downpour, under pine trees, with chipmunks who refuse
toleave the tent-it's dry in there! I'm on one end of the tarp, my friend
ison the other and we agreed to tip it towards the large oak at the rear
ofthe tent...the wind had other plans and blew it the opposite way. I
managed to hang on, get soaked and go air-borne for a minute or so.
Didn't help that my friend was laughing so hard he almost let go totally.
Wool may keep you warmer when it is wet, if you can carry the added weight. "Rain tarp" down, now to take down the tent, a cute short little dome thing.

One spring pole is pulled from the mud and that's all it took for the
other
to release. I'm packing the trunk and hear the sproing and slush and
then a
triumphant chuckle. He is dripping with water, plastic rain suit
protected,
feeling very good about himself and poking fun at me for "no plastic
wrap".
The tent is mostly flat on the ground, poles stashed in the bag and the
wind
comes up in swirling gusts. He is now wrapped in the tent that blew up
hitting him in the "unwrapped" face, and blowing his hood down. I just
grin
and grab the tent, stuffing it into a smaller sodden mass. He is now wet

inside the suit, I am slightly damp under the wool, hair dripping down
my
face and neck and we just start laughing about the whole thing. Between
the
wind and torrents of rain and cold and no coffee until we hit town it
should
have been miserable...so why were we laughing and joking? Simply because
we
were together. And that is all that ever matters to us.
Shaggylord Adirondack Mtns NY


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**** Reader's Submissions ****




 

 
**** TODAYS LINKS ****

 
Handy Calendar Clock
 
It seems this Pipe Dream has been voted one of the
50 greatest animation projects ever(by 3D World magazine).
Picks up speed after 20 seconds.
 
http://boreguru.com/2007/07/10/animusic-pipe-dream/
 
A Picture Review of the Chevrolet from 1916 to 1942
http://www.oldcarandtruckpictures.com/Chevrolet/
 
Game Hare and Hounds
Can you trap the hare in this stimulating mind game?

This little girl is sooooo PRECIOUS. http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=9e7c4b40cf5a13cea6ca

Ecclesiastes 3
 
The Wonder of God
 
 Remind Me God
 
End of a Rainbow

7 million toys recalled
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20254745/

The Treehouse Guide
http://www.thetreehouseguide.com/

Tree Trunk Carvings
http://www.ohiobarns.com/othersites/treecarvings/ttc.html

Name That Car Trivia Game.
http://agent-central.com/trivia1.htm

 
 Game Magic Balls
Clear the board before the time runs out!!



**** ON THIS DAY ****

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower
replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines
flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the
big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a
Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy
Hour".



Kerry's Hair Stylist Flies To Oregon To Trim Senator's Hair Before
Event. According to the New York Daily News (8/17), Sen. Kerry "likes
to style himself as the candidate of working folks, while scissoring
President Bush as the protector of the rich." But "when every campaign
stop is a photo op, even a man of the people needs a high-quality
haircut. I hear that when Kerry was in Portland, Ore., last weekend
preparing to windsurf on the Columbia River Gorge, he flew his
Washington-based hairstylist, Isabelle Goetz, across the country to give
him a camera-ready trim." According to "a knowledgeable source...the
French-born Goetz -- who tends the Massachusetts senator's mane while
also caring for Sen. Hillary Clinton's coiffure --
caught up with the candidate in Portland on Friday (after flying
commercial, I'm told), trimmed his luxuriant salt-and-pepper locks and
then returned to Washington the same night." Goetz "told The Washington
Post three years ago that she typically charged Kerry $75 for a
haircut." But "that 2001 fee would not have included a last-minute
round-trip plane ticket (today around $1,450 for a coach seat on
American Airlines) or a whole day of Goetz's valuable time."

Gee, I thought $9.00 was a lot to pay.



**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing.
Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun." (P.J. O'Rourke)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old-fashioned man is one who takes a second honeymoon with a first wife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Dixon comes out ahead of Franchitti-Andretti spat at Sonoma
 
  
 
Scott Dixon sets the pace at Sonoma ahead of (in order) Helio Castroneves, Dario Franchitti, Tony Kanaan and Sam Hornish Jr. 
 
 
 
  IRL SCHEDULE ON HOLD
 
IRL spokesman John Griffin said Sunday that the release of the 2008 IndyCar Series schedule is being held up pending the announcement of a new venue to replace a Michigan event.
 
The new event would replace the dropped race at Michigan International Speedway and would give the series another 17-race schedule.
 
"All I can say is that it's in the United States and it's a place where we haven't raced before," said Griffin, who added the IRL is hoping to make the announcement within the next few weeks.
 
Potential sites that have been at least talked about for a new street race include Los Angeles, San Diego, San Antonio and Washington, D.C.
 
-- The Associated Press
 
SONOMA, Calif. (AP) ? A late-race collision between teammates Dario Franchitti and Marco Andretti on Sunday at Infineon Raceway left both drivers fuming and gave Scott Dixon a victory and a narrow lead in the IndyCar Series championship with two races remaining.
Although Franchitti refused to openly criticize his 20-year-old Andretti Green Racing teammate, he said, "Marco was out there trying to win the race and we were out there trying to win a championship.
 
"A case, I guess, you know, he had his priorities, I had mine. I'd really like to look at the accident, talk to him before, you know, making further comment on it. Right now, I've got my side of it and he's only got his."
 

RESULTS: Motorola Indy 300
 
Franchitti, who came into the race with an eight-point lead over Dixon in the championship, started from the pole and dominated the Motorola Indy 300, leading 62 of the 80 laps on the 2.26-mile, 14-turn road course.
 
FIND MORE STORIES IN: Racing | Sam Hornish | Andretti | Helio Castroneves | Scott Dixon | Sonoma | Indycar Series | Dario Franchitti | AGR
Dixon, the 2003 series champion, stretched his fuel further than the other front-runners almost all day and came off pit road just ahead of Franchitti on lap 68. With cold tires, the New Zealander had to yield to Franchitti heading into turn one, but did hold off another Andretti Green driver, Tony Kanaan, for second place at that point.
 
Andretti was the last of the front-runners to pit and he also came out just ahead of Franchitti on lap 69. But, unlike the veteran Dixon, last year's top rookie tried to hold off Franchitti and the two banged together, with the son of team co-owner Michael Andretti spinning out and Franchitti's car sustaining damage to the front wing and suspension.
 
The incident brought out the first full-course caution flag of the day and, after the restart on lap 72, Dixon and Helio Castroneves, who had already passed Kanaan, both easily drove past Franchitti, struggling with the handling of his damaged car.
 
"We're teammates and we look after each other and that shouldn't happen," Franchitti said of the contact with Andretti. "It was a near-perfect day until Marco and I got together in turn one."
 
The younger Andretti wasn't as tactful after a quick visit to the infield medical center.
 
"I gave racing room and I was hoping he would race me clean," said Andretti, whose only IndyCar win came on the Sonoma road course last year. "I hate to think he'd do anything intentional."
 
There was one more caution flag for a collision between Scott Sharp and A.J. Foyt IV, but the race finished under green with Dixon holding off Castroneves to take a four-point lead over Franchitti heading into next week's race at Belle Isle in Detroit.
 
The elder Andretti, co-owner of AGR with Kim Green and Kevin Savoree, was obviously upset after the race, saying that Franchitti should have been more patient. Told about that remark, Franchitti shrugged.
 
"Michael is in an awkward position, I guess, being a team owner and a father," the Scotsman said. "Sometimes he doesn't have as clear a view as he should have as a team owner, maybe.
 
"Like I say, I'm trying my hardest to win a championship right now for Andretti Green Racing. We'll leave it at that."
 
Franchitti, who has seen a 65-point lead over Dixon shrink steadily over the past six races, thought he had turned things around after coming off two straight races in which he walked away from scary crashes and had his worst finishes of the season.
 
"We did just about right today," Franchitti said. "It's really too bad."
 
Dixon, who has 10 career wins, was frustrated late in the race, running behind Kanaan, who appeared to be protecting Franchitti despite the fact that he had won two straight races to move into third in the points race.
 
"Today was very frustrating, especially having to deal with TK a lot," Dixon said. "He was not playing fair at all. We were all warned in the drivers' meeting about team tactics and I think the IRL were obviously watching another race because it was definitely going on.
 
"I guess what goes around comes around. They ended up taking themselves out. I just wanted Dario one-on-one. It definitely changed up on that caution. I knew my car was good on cold tires all day."
 
Kanaan was right behind Franchitti at the end and didn't try to pass his struggling teammate in the waning laps, helping his friend and likely giving up any chance at adding another championship to his 2004 title.
 
"I had to protect Dario as much as I could over the final few laps," said Kanaan, who trails Dixon by 62 points. "The guy has done a lot for me over the years and I was thinking about the team. Motor racing is a very selfish sport, but I'm proud of what I did today.
 
IRL officials said Kanaan broke no rules and that he would not be penalized.
 
Sam Hornish Jr. finished fifth, followed by Danica Patrick, the fourth AGR entry, who started alongside Franchitti on the front row but was unable to stay up front after the first pit stop.
 
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
 
 

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-26-

Cecil Surrat, Bluegrass, born Coalwood, WV 1926.

Don Bowman, singer/songwriter/comedian, born Lorinzo, TX 1937.

Ernest Tubb recorded "White Christmas" and "Blue Christmas" 1949.

Carl Smith topped the charts with "Hey Joe" 1953.

Bob Miller, age 59, songwriter/band leader, died in New York 1955.

Bobby Helms released "My Special Angel" 1957.

Marvin Rainwater recorded "The Valley of the Moon" 1959.

Jimmy Olander of "Diamond Rio" born Minneapolis, MN 1961.

George Jones' "Tender Years" went to # 1 in 1961.

Merle Haggard recorded "I Take A Lot Of Pride In What I Am," 1968.

Charlie Pride recorded "Is Anybody Goin' To San Antone" 1969.

Elvis Presley's "Way Down" topped the charts 1977.

Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers duet "Real Love" went to #1 in 1985.

Cecil Null, age 74, songwriter, died in Bristol, VA 2001.

Jamie O'Neal married recording engineer/songwriter, Rodney Good 2000.

Wilma Burgess, age 64, died in Nashville, TN 2003.

-27-

Pete Cassell, a blind country singer-songwriter, born Cobb County, GA 1917.

Carter Stanley of the "Stanley Brothers" born Stratton, VA 1925.

Jimmy C. Newman, born "Jimmy Yves Newman" High Point, LA 1927.

Frances Williams Preston (BMI CEO) born Nashville, TN 1934. Opened the first BMI Nashville office in her home. Inducted CMHF 1992.

J.D. Crowe, Bluegrass/banjo/vocals, born Lexington, KY 1937.

Jeff Cook, vocals/lead guitar/fiddle/key boards, for "Alabama," born Fort Payne, AL 1949.

George Jones released "Why Baby Why"/"Seasons of my Heart," 1955.

The Louisiana Hayride presented its last performance on KWKH in Shreveport, LA, 1960. The very successful program debuted April 3, 1948, and was known as "The Cradle of the Stars."

Homer "Slim" Miller of the "Cumberland Ridge Runners" died 1962.

James R. Denny, age 52, died 1963. Inducted CMHF 1966.

Marty Robbins released "I Walk Alone/Lily of the Valley," 1968.

Crystal Gayle's "Talking In Your Sleep" topped the charts 1978.

The Judd's gave a special concert at the White House for President and Mrs. Reagan 1988.

Stevie Ray Vaughn died in a helicopter crash 1990.

Garth Brooks released "No Fences" 1990.

Kenny Rogers "Greatest Hits" album certified 12 x platinum 1997.

Confederate Railroad's album "Confederate Railroad" certified double platinum 1998.

Tim McGraw appeared on ABC-TV's Good Morning America's Summer Concert Series in 2004. Tim's single "Live Like You Were Dyin'," was #1 at the time.



 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

ANOTHER BOOK
Alan Jackson's wife talks rocky marriage

By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY, AP Music Writer

NEW YORK - Denise Jackson knew that her marriage to Alan Jackson wasn't perfect. She was too needy and insecure in the relationship, and he was on the road a lot, becoming one of country's biggest superstars.

Still, she wasn't prepared for the shock she got in 1998, shortly after the birth of their third child, when Jackson ? her sweetheart since their teen years ? told her that he didn't want to be in the marriage anymore. Hurt and disillusioned, she tried everything to get him back, and turned to prayer.

A revelation came one day when a friend told her she wouldn't pray for Alan Jackson to come back, but instead, would pray for Denise Jackson to become the woman that God intended her to be. From that day on, Denise Jackson began to reassess the role God played in her life ? and, instead of focusing on how to repair her relationship with her husband, put her efforts into rebuilding her relationship with God. In the end, she says, becoming closer to God helped her become closer to her husband ? and save her marriage.

Jackson writes about her journey in the new book "It's All About Him: Finding the Love of My Life." And while her husband is on the cover of the book and included a CD of two songs, after the first few chapters, it becomes clear that the country singer is not the ultimate focus of her book.

Associated Press: What made you want to write this book?

Jackson: Honestly, I've had this desire in my heart for nine years, soon after we separated. I really started thinking about how my story is a story of hope, and I really wanted to share with people how nothing is impossible with Him and how He can tackle relationships and restore them, and really just so people can be drawn to Him. One of the points I make in the book is that I have everything in the world ... and yet at one point, I was insecure and my marriage was not right, and how none of that stuff really brings lasting joy and contentment, but the thing that does is available to everybody, and that's a relationship with God.

AP: What kind of pressure did you feel to have this perfect relationship with your husband?

Jackson: I put so much pressure on myself. Everyone, I felt, was looking at us under a magnifying glass and I had to be the perfect wife, who was the perfect size, who wore the perfect gown, who had the perfect jewels, and it was so stressful to live like that and to base your self worth on what you thought other people felt about you. So that's why it was so freeing to really come to the place in my life where I realized that I shouldn't base my self worth on any of that, that my self-worth really comes from being a child of God.

AP: When your marriage broke up, you describe it as a total shock.

Jackson: All along in our marriage we'd have these discussions about something just doesn't feel right, and it really boiled down to a codependency. Alan was the stronger one, I was the weaker, needier partner, and it just didn't feel balanced. And he kept wanting a partner who would be equal and who he could respect, but we really just didn't know how to get there. So that was really the issue that played out over the years. But it really wasn't until '98 that he said, 'You know what, I can't live like this anymore, and I don't know if we know how to fix it,' and that's when he left.

AP: He revealed that he was unfaithful at one point. How did you regain the trust?

Jackson: First of all, I had to be able to forgive him, and that's a free gift that you offer someone. So I was willing to do that but in return he had to show me in tangible ways that he was trustworthy. And over an extended period of time he showed me in numerous ways.

AP: Do you always have that doubt though?

Jackson: It's been almost 10 years, and initially when we got back together I did worry and wonder ? was he really and truly committed to our marriage? But now I have such a peace and contentment about it, because he has shown me over and over and over that he does want to be in the marriage, and it's evident; it's evident every day.

AP: After he left, did you ever feel like, "OK then, I'm just gonna take everything you have" and get revenge?

Jackson: I have to admit that I did have those feelings, especially when we had been separated for several months and he really wasn't acting as if he was interested at all in reconciling. But then again, as I just stayed in my Bible study and really developed this relationship, I think God just softened my heart and made me want to have him back.

AP: Was Alan worried about you writing this book?

Jackson: I think he was a little nervous at first. None of us want to tell people about our mistakes. But I also feel like he knew how passionate I was about this message and he knew that in order to really tell it fully that I was going to have to reveal some details about our marriage and our relationship, and he really consented for me to do that and graciously wrote the forward for the book and included the two wonderful songs that you can get with the book. He's been wonderfully supportive of the whole thing.


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Low / No Fat:
 Zucchini Bread makes 2 loaves, 10 servings each
butter-flavored cooking spray
3 large eggs or 3/4 cup egg substitute
1/3 cup canola oil
7 packets Splenda
1 tablespoon natural vanilla
1 8-ounce can crushed pineapple, packed in natural juice, well drained
2 cups grated zucchini
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

Preheat the oven to 375?F. Lightly coat two 8-inch loaf pans with
cooking spray.
In a large bowl beat the eggs add the oil,   DiabetiSweet,vanilla,
pineapple and zucchini.
In a second large bowl sift together the all-purpose flour,whole wheat
flour,baking soda, baking powder,cinnamon, nutmeg and salt (if using).If
using add the walnuts and toss. Mix the dry ingredients into the egg
mixture until just combined. Spoon into the prepared loaf pans.Bake for
40 mins or until a tester inserted near the middle comes out clean. Cool
in pan for 5 mins then turn out and cool on wire racks.

Note: This fantastic loaf freezes well. You can top it with frozen
fat-free, sugar-free vanilla yogurt, if desired.

Per serving (bread only): 118 cals (35% cals from fat), 3g protein, 5g
total fat (0.6g sat
fat) 16g carb, 2g dietary fiber, 32mg chol,149
mg sod
Diabetic exchanges: 1 carb (1 bread/starch), 1 fat



Diabetic Delight...
 CHILI CON CARNE
Source: "1,001 Delicious Recipes for People with Diabetes"

  Vegetable cooking spray
  1 pound 95% lean ground beef
  1-1/2 cups chopped onions
  1 cup chopped green bell pepper
  2 cloves garlic, minced
  1-2 tablespoons chili powder
  2 teaspoons dried cumin
  1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
  1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
  2 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) no-salt
   whole tomatoes, undrained, coarsely chopped
  1 can (6 ounces) reduced-sodium tomato paste
  3/4 cup beer or reduced-sodium beef broth
  1 tablespoon packed light brown sugar
  2-3 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa
  1 can (15 ounces) red kidney beans, rinsed, drained
  Salt and pepper, to taste
  1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded fat-free,
   or reduced-fat, Cheddar cheese
  1/2 cup thinly sliced green onions and tops
  1/2 cup fat-free sour cream

Spray large saucepan with cooking spray; heat over medium
heat until hot. Add ground beef, onions, bell pepper, and
garlic; cook over medium heat until meat is brown and
vegetables are tender, 5 to 8 minutes. Add chili powder,
cumin, oregano, and cloves; cook 1 to 2 minutes longer.
Add tomatoes and liquid, tomato paste, beer, brown sugar, and
cocoa to beef mixture. Heat to boiling; reduce heat and simmer,
covered, 1 hour. Stir in beans and simmer, uncovered, to
thicken, if desired. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
Spoon chili into bowls; sprinkle each with equal
amounts of cheese, green onions, and sour cream.

Yield: 8 servings (about 1 cup each)
Nutritional Information Per Serving (1 cup):
Calories: 220, Fat: 3.6 g, Saturated Fat: 1 g, Cholesterol: 32.5 mg,
Sodium: 224 mg, Protein: 21.9 g, Carbohydrate: 28.7 g
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 Vegetable, 1 Bread, 2 Meat


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

What is the best time of day to weigh yourself?

Who hasn't been discouraged after stepping on the scale in the morning, only to find later a weight gain of up to 10 pounds by the evening? Weight can fluctuate throughout the day due to many factors, such as food consumption and water retention.

Though there is no "best" time of day to weigh yourself, experts suggest you pick the same time every day and use the same scale. Check your weight no more than twice a week -- any more frequently, and you may get discouraged by normal fluctuations in your reading. Also, be consistent in what you wear when weighing in.

That said, it's important to remember that weight is not the only indicator of overall body fitness and health. Muscle weighs more than fat so the numbers on the scale can be misleading. Other indicators, such as
body fat percentage and readings from a tape measure should be taken into account as well. Check out the links in our Body Mass Index category for more.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"The trouble with some women is they get all excited
about nothing - and then marry him."



LAST CALL Y'ALL


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